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SAINT  TERESA. 


Published  by  Peter  F.  Cunningham,  817  Arch  5t.  Philad-i 


LIFE 


07 

SAINT  TERESA, 

WRITTEN  BY  HERSELF. 


TRANSLATED  ER0M  THE  SPANISH,  BY 

THE  REV.  JOHN  DALTON. ^ 


FIRST  AMERICAN  EDITION. 


PUBLISHED  WITH  THE  APPROBATION  OP  THE 

RT.  REV.  BISHOP  OP  PHILADELPHIA. 


PETER  F.  CUNNINGHAM  &  SON, 

817  Arch  Street,  Philadelphia, 


UOSTOH  GULL E 33  tlJSKAUX' 

CXEaXJUT  HItL,  MASS. 


PERMISSU  SUPERIJRuM 


*2 14^0 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress  in  the  y»ar  1870,  by 
PETER  F.  CUNNliNutiiiai, 

tn  the  Clerk’s  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States, 
_ itt  sod  for  the  Eastern  District  of  Pennsylvania. 


PREFACE 

TO  THE  AMERICAN  EDITION. 


The  Life  of  St.  Teresa,  written  by  herself, 
is  now,  for  the  first  time,  presented  in  the 
English  language  to  the  American  readers.  The 
preface  by  the  translator,  Rev.  John  Dalton, 
of  London,  and  which  is  here  given,  leaves  but 
little  to  be  said  by  the  American  publisher. 

Among  the  lives  of  so  many  eminent  serv¬ 
ants  of  God,  few  have  been  autobiographies. 
St.  Augustine,  perhaps  alone,  in  his  confessions, 
has  preceded  St.  Teresa.  This  difference,  how¬ 
ever,  exists  between  those  holy  writers,  that 
whilst  the  great  Bishop  of  Hippo  has  left  us 
his  Confessions,  as  a  testimony  of  God’s  won¬ 
derful  mercies  towards  himself,  the  blessed 
Teresa  wrote  her  life  in  obedience  to  the  com¬ 
mands  of  her  confessor,  and  to  explain  the 
marvels  of  God’s  providence  in  her  regard. 

If  the  sixteenth  century  was  marked  by  the 

fearful  heresies  of  Luther,  Calvin,  Munzer, 

John  of  Leyden,  and  so  many  others,  whose 

•  •  • 
in 


IV 


PREFACE. 


shoreless  doctrines  inundated  society  with  so 
many  evils — during  that  very  period,  the  church 
seemed  more  than  ordinarily  fruitful  with  holy 
and  learned  men,  and  institutions  of  the  most 
beneficial  character  sprang  up  in  every  direc¬ 
tion.  In  that  eventful  century,  arose  the  in¬ 
stitute  of  St.  Ignatius,  giving  to  the  church 
her  brightest,  and  most  learned  children,  the 
Jesuits.  Then  were  seen  in  England,  Sir 
Thomas  Moore,  Bishop  Fisher,  and  Cardinal 
Pole.  In  Italy,  St.  Charles  Borromeo,  St. 
Philip  Neri,  and  Leo  the  Tenth,  the  patron  of 
learning,  and  the  fine  arts.  Whilst  Spain  gave 
to  the  church  the  great  Ximenes,  Sts.  Ignatius, 
and  Zavier,  Borgio,  St.  John  of  the  Cross,  and 
the  no  less  wonderful  St.  Teresa. 

Seldom  is  the  holy  recluse  an  interesting 
writer,  or  a  pleasing  author.  Those  virtues 
which  withdraw  one  from  the  world,  and  forbid 
its  enjoyments,  seem  not  always  the  best  cal¬ 
culated  to  form  literary  habits.  St.  Teresa, 
however,  affords  an  exception.  Her  writings 
evidence  talents  of  a  high  order,  and  her 
numerous  letters  attest  a  command  of  feeling 
and  expressions  not  only  interesting,  but  in¬ 
structive.  Her  great  power,  however,  lay  in 
her  wonderful  capacity  for  prayer,  and  the 


PEEFACfi. 


▼ 


facility  with  which  she  explains  its  gradation 
and  efficacy. 

We  must  not  expect,  in  a  work  of  this  ex¬ 
alted  character,  in  which  the  mysterious  dealings 
of  God  with  his  Saints  are  so  familiarly  treated, 
to  be  able  to  understand  or  fully  appreciate  her 
sublime,  and,  at  times,  supernatural  language  ; 
but  we  can  admire  her  piety  and  humility,  and 
learn  to  adore  the  providence  of  that  God  whose 
wonders  and  mercies  are  so  great.  Her  con¬ 
stitution,  naturally  weak,  and  her  body  so  taxed 
by  physical  suffering,  still  endured  beyond  the 
ordinary  range  of  human  life.  This  great 
servant  of  God  lived  sixty-seven  years,  forty- 
seven  of  which  she  spent  in  the  severest 
exercises  of  penitence  and  prayer.  Her  long 
and  severely  exercised  life  in  the  service  of 
her  God,  should  tend  to  correct  that  over¬ 
weening  anxiety  on  the  part  of  so  many  modern 
Christians,  that  will  not  suffer  the  slightest  en¬ 
croachment  upon  those  gratifications  which  are 
now  deemed  so  lawful  by  a  deceitful  world. 

J.  P.  D. 


Feast  of  St.  Philip  Neki,  1860. 


t 


TO  THE  MOST  EMINENT  AND  MOST  REVEREND 

NICHOLAS, 

CARDINAL  OF  THE  HOLY  ROMAN  CHURCH, 
ARCHBISHOP  OF  WESTMINSTER,  &c. 


My  Lord  Cardinal  Archbishop,— 

Your  kindness  in  allowing  me  the  honor  of  dedicating 
this  translation  to  your  Eminence,  calls  for  the  expression 
of  my  sincere  gratitude.  It  seems  fitting  that  a  translation 
of  St.  Teresa’s  Life  should,  in  some  way,  have  the  approba- 
tionof  your  Eminence,  who  was  born  in  the  same  noble  and 
Catholic  land  that  gave  birth  to  the  Saint,  whose  wondrous 

Life  is  now  presented  to  the  public. 

Seville  was  one  of  the  cities  in  which  St.  Teresa  founded 
one  of  her  convents,  where,  no  doubt,  the  spirit  of  the 
holy  Foundress  still  lives  among  her  loving  and  devoted 


Daughters. 

And  your  Eminence  can  well  testify  how,  in  spite  of  wars, 
revolutions,  and  the  insidious  attacks  of  infidelity,  Religion 
has  still  maintained  her  ground  >  while,  in  the  midst  of  the 
deepest  poverty,  and  of  innumerable  snares  and  temptations, 
the  bishops,  clergy,  and  Religious,  have  exhibited  to  the 
world  models  of  the  most  enduring  patience,  and  of  the  most 


exalted  virtues.  . 

Deeply,  too,  has  Spain  sympathized  with  our  late  afflic¬ 
tions  and  persecutions,  and  with  your  Eminence  in  particular, 

for  all  the  insults  and  calumnies  which  you  have  had  to 

•  • 

VU 


DEDICATION. 


•  •  • 

Vlll 

endure,  but  which  have  been  borne  with  such  fortitude  and 
meekness. 

And  just  as  days  of  joy  and  gladness  are  now  begin¬ 
ning  to  dawn  upon  Spain,  even  so  do  we  rejoice  that  your 
Eminence  has  lived  to  see  the  long-wished-for  day,  when 
our  own  beloved  Land  has  at  length  been  restored  to  her 
ancient  and  sacred  Hierarchy,  which  we  are  confident  no 
£4  penal  Laws”  will  ever  be  able  again  to  overthrow. 

May  St.  Teresa,  whose  noble  soul  so  often  sighed  for  the 
conversion  of  heretical  lands,  intercede  for  our  own  dis¬ 
tracted  country,  so  long  separated  from  the  See  of  Peter. 
May  she  intercede  for  your  Eminence  also,  that  length  of 
days  may  be  granted  you  to  labor  amongst  us,  with  fruit  a 
hundred  fold. 

I  have  the  honor  to  be,  my  Lord  Cardinal,  your  Eminence’s 
most  humble  and  respectful  Servant, 

JOHN  DALTON. 


!  '  . 


I 


i  ’ 


Page. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Saint  mentions  how  our  Lord  began  to  excite  her  soul,  in 
her  childhood,  to  virtuous  actions,  and  what  great  help  her 
pious  parents  were  to  hir,  » 

CHAPTER  II. 

She  relates  how  she  began  to  be  fond  of  reading  romances,  and 
how  necessary  it  is  for  youth  to  keep  good  company, 

CHAPTER  III. 

She  mentions  how  good  company  was  the  means  of  re-awaken¬ 
ing  virtuous  desires  within  her,  and  how  our  Lord  began  to 
give  her  light  to  discover  her  errors,  • 

CHAPTER  IY. 

She  relates  how  our  Lord  assisted  her  in  forcing  herself  to  take 
the  religious  habit,  and  with  how  many  infirmities  His  Divine 
Majestv  began  to  afflict  her, 

CHAPTER  Y. 

She  continues  to  relate  the  painful  infirmities  she  endured,  and 
the  patience  our  Lord  gave  her,  etc.,  .... 

CHAPTER  VI. 

She  mentions  how  much  she  owed  our  Lord  for  giving  her 
conformity  to  His  will  in  such  great  afflictions  5  and  how  she 
also  chose  the  glorious  St.  Joseph  for  her  patron,  etc., 

CHAPTER  VII. 

She  shows  by  what  degrees  she  went  on  losing  the  favors  which 
our  Lord  had  shown  her,  and  how  wicked  her  life  began  to  be, 


47 

60 


55 


59 

66 


73 

79 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

She  mentions  what  great  good  her  soul  received  by  not  having 
entirely  given  up  her  method  of  prayer ;  also,  what  an  excel¬ 
lent  remedy  prayer  is  for  gaining  what  we  have  lost,  .  92 

CHAPTER  IX. 

She  declares  by  what  means  our  Lord  began  to  awaken  her  soul, 
and  to  enlighten  her  in  such  great  darkness,  ...  99 

CHAPTER  X. 

The  Saint  begins  to  mention  the  favors  our  Lord  bestowed  upon 
her  in  prayer,  and  she  speaks  of  the  manner  in  which  we 
may  help  ourselves,  etc.,  .  .  ....  104 

-  ■  (“) 


X 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XI. 


Page. 


She  declares  in  what  the  fault  consists  of  not  loving  God  with 
perfection  in  a  short  time ;  this  she  begins  to  declare  by  a 
comparison,  containing  four  degrees  of  prayer,  .  .  110 


CHAPTER  XII.  , 

The  Saint  continues  her  discourse  on  the  first  degree  of  prayer,  119 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

She  continues  the  first  degree  of  prayer,  and  gives  advice 
against  certain  temptations,  which  are  sometimes  brought  on 
by  the  devil, . 123 

CHAPTER  XIV.  . 

The  Saint  begins  to  explain  the  second  degree  of  prayer,  .  134 

CHAPTER  XV. 

She  continues  the  same  subject,  and  gives  some  advice  how 


persons  are  to  act  in  the  prayer  of  quiet,  etc.,  .  .  140 

CHAPTER  XYI. 

The  Saint  speaks  on  the  third  degree  of  prayer,  .  .  149 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

She  continues  the  same  subject,  on  the  third  degree  of  prayer, 
etc., . 154 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

The  Saint  speaks  on  the  fourth  degree  of  prayer,  .  '  .  159 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Saint  begins  to  declare  the  effects  which  this  degree  of 
prayer  produces  in  the  soul,  etc.,  .....  167 

CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Saint  treats  of  the  difference  which  exists  between  union 
and  rapture,  etc., . 176 

CHAPTER  XXI. 


The  Saint  continues  and  finishes  this  last  degree  of  prayer,  190 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

The  Saint  shows  how  secure  a  way  it  is  for  those  who  give  them¬ 
selves  to  contemplation,  not  to  raise  their  minds  to  high 
things  unless  our  Lord  raise  them  himself,  and  how  the  hu¬ 
manity  of  Christ  may  serve  as  a  means  of  reaching  the  high¬ 
est  degree  of  contemplation, . 196 


CONTENTS. 

3  l  T  ■  f  .  I  •  *  '’ 


XI 


216 


Page. 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 

The  Saint  resumes  the  history  of  her  life,  and  tells  us  how  she 
began  to  aim  at  greater  perfection,  and  the  means  she  em¬ 
ployed  for  this  purpose,  . .  207 

CHAPTER  XXIY. 

The  Saint  continues  the  history  of  her  life,  and  tells  us  how  her 
soul  Was  improved  after  she  began  to  obey  her  confessor, 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

.  t  .  i  .  I  '  -  -  *  1  * 

She  treats  of  the  way  how  those  words  and  speeches  are  to  be 
understood',  which  God  communicates  to  the  soul  without  any 
voice  or  sound  being  heard,  ....  .  220 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

The  same  subject  is  continued.  The  Saint  mentions  many 
things  which  happened  to  her,  ....  .  232 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 

The  Saint  mentions  another  way  by  which  our  Lord  instructs  a 
soul,  and  makes  her  understand  His  will.  She  speaks  also  of 
a  wonderful  vision  she  had,  etc. . 236 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

The  Saint  speaks  of  the  great  favors  our  Lord  bestowed  upon 
her,  and  how  he  appeared  to  her  for  the  first  time,  .  247 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

,  •  4  ■  9 

The  Saint  continues  the  same  subject,  and  mentions  certain 
grfeat  favors  which  our  Lord  showed  her,  and  what  He  said 
to  comfort  and  console  her,  etc.,  .  .  .  .  •  257 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

She  resumes  the  history  of  hej*  life,  and  mentions  how  our  Lord 
remedied  many  of  her  troubles  by  means  of  St.  Peter  of  Al- 


cantara,  etc., 


265 


Chapter  xxxi. 


She  treats  of  certain  exterior  temptations  and  representations 
of  the  devil,  etc., . 277 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 

The  Saint  mentions  how  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  show  her,  in 
spirit,  the  place  which  had  been  prepared  for  her  in  hell,  and 
which  she  had  deserved  by  her  sins,  .  .  .  .  290 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

The  Saint  continues  the  history  of  the  foundation  of  St.  Jo¬ 
seph’s  Monastery,  etc.,  . 299 


XII 


CONTENTS, 


CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

She  mentions  how  she  was  obliged  to  leave  Avila,  and  the  rea¬ 
son  thereof,  being  commanded  to  go  by  her  superior  to  com¬ 
fort  a  lady  there,  who  was  much  afflicted,  .  .  .  308 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 

The  Saint  continues  the  history  of  the  foundation  of  St.  Jo¬ 
seph’s  Monastery,  etc., . . 

CHAPTER  XXXVI. 

The  Saint,  continuing  the  same  subject,  informs  us  how  the 
Monastery  of  St.  Joseph  was  at  last  founded,  .  .  326 

CHAPTER  XXXVII. 

The  Saint  mentions  the  great  benefit  she  received  from  other 
heavenly  favors. — Many  particulars  are  given  respecting  her 
ecstasies  and  revelations, . . 

CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 

The  Saint  mentions  some  great  favors  which  our  Lord  was 
pleased  to  show  her,  in  acquainting  her  with  certain  secrets 
of  Heaven,  and  by  giving  her  visions  and  revelations,  etc.,  348 

CHAPTER  XXXIX. 

The  Saint  gives  an  account  of  other  miraculous  graces  and  sub¬ 
lime  visions  with  which  she  was  favored  by  our  Lord,  .  362 

CHAPTER  XL. 

The  Saint  continues  the  same  discourse,  and  relates  some  more 
of  the  great  favors  our  Lord  showed  her;  she  then  finishes 
the  account  of  her  life, . 375 


APPENDIX. 

1.  Historical  notice  of  Sir  Tobie  Mathews,  Knt.  .  .  387 

11.  Notice  of  Mr.  Abraham  Woodhead,  ....  394 

in.  Canonizatio  Sanctae  Theresiae  Virginis,  .  .  .  407 

iv.  Hymn  of  Saint  Teresa, . 419 

v.  Canticle  of  Saint  Teresa  after  Communion,  .  .  426 

Vi.  Letter  to  Father  Pedro  Ibanez, . 430 


PREFACE 

TO  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 


It  is  with  an  humble  diffidence,  united  with  a  sincere 
desire  to  make  the  works  of  the  glorious  St.  Teresa  more 
and  more  known  in  this  country,  that  I  now  present  the 
public  with  a  Second  edition  of  the  Saint’s  Life  written  by 
herself. 

To  some  persons,  whose  judgment  demands  respect,  the 
translation  of  such  a  life  into  English  may  appear  quite  un¬ 
called-for.  u  How  few,”  it  may  be  said,  c<  can  understand 
it!  It  is  too  dry,  too  extraordinary,  too  mystical  for  the 
generality  of  readers.  It  may  do  a  great  deal  of  harm  to 
some  persons.  We  want  something  more  simple,  practicable, 
and  intelligible.”  Such  is  the  substance  of  the  objections 
which  I  have  sometimes  heard  urged  against  St.  Teresa’s 
Life.  This  is  not  now  the  place  to  answer  them,  though 
how  far  the  translation  of  such  and  such  lives  of  the  saints 
may  or  may  not  be  desirable,  is  certainly  a  subject  which 
requires  much  consideration.  Every  one  is  entitled  to  hold 
and  maintain  his  own  opinion  on  the  matter. 

In  my  humb  e  judgment,  I  consider — at  least  I  earnestly 
hope — that  the  translation  of  St.  Teresa’s  life  will  do  a  great 
deal  more  good  1o  many  souls  than  harm.  This  Second  Edition 
being  called  for  by  the  public,  shows  an  increasing  desire 
to  become  acquainted  with  the  means  whereby  she  arrived  at 
such  a  height  of  perfection.  Those  means  are  within  the 
reach  of  all,  when  aided  by  God’s  powerful  grace.  St. 
Teresa  was  no  enthusiast.  Amidst  all  her  visions  and  rap¬ 
tures —  (which  she  never  desired  or  sought  after)  —  she 
perpetually  and  emphatically  inculcated  humility,  poverty, 
obedience,  mortification,  cheerfulness,  purity,  resignation  to 
2  13 


14 


PREFACE. 


the  Divine  will,  and  an  ardent  love  of  God,  &c.  Her  judg¬ 
ment  and  common  sense  were  wonderful. 

Earnestly  do  I  hope,  then,  that  my  readers  may  derive 
profit  and  delight  from  the  perusal  of  this  wondrous  life. 
The  works  of  St.  Teresa,  we  all  know,  are  highly  prized  and 
extensively  read  in  Catholic  countries.  Year  after  year 
they  are  becoming  more  qnd  more  dear  to  every  devout  soul. 
And  here  I  cannot  too  strongly  recommend  the  new  French 
translation  of  the  saint’s  works,  lately  undertaken  by  the 
Rev.  Father  Bouix,  of  the  Society  of  Jesus.*  It  is  certainly 
most  admirable.  The  good  father  visited  all  those  places  in 
Spain  that  are  consecrated  by  St.  Teresa  ;  and  above  all,  he 
had  the  happiness  of  inspecting  the  autograph  manuscripts 
of  the  Saint’s  writings,  and  of  comparing  the  printed  editions 
with  them. 

The  notes  in  the  body  of  the  translation  are  exceedingly 
valuable  and  interesting.  To  have  embodied  only  a  part  of 
them  in  the  present  volume  was  found  impossible,  without  at 
the  same  time  increasing  the  price  of  the  work,  which  the 
publisher  did  not  \vish  to  risk. 

I  trust  D’Andilly’s  Jansenistical  translation  will  now  be 
superseded  altogether  by  that  of  Father  Bouix’s. 

JOHN  DALTON. 


Northampton, 

Feast  of  the  Immaculate  Conception ,  1854. 

*  Four  volumes  have  already  appeared — “  The  Life, ”  “  The  Founda- 
tions,”  The  “  Way  of  Perfection, ”  and  “The  Letters.” 


PREFACE 

TO  THE  FIRST  EDITION. 


To  many  it  may  seem  presumption  in  me  to  have  attempted 
a  translation  of  the  Life  of  St.  Teresa.  I  candidly  acknowl¬ 
edge  that  I  myself  have  had  the  same  opinion,  for  I  know 
nothing  whatever  about  “  Mystical  Theology  and  though 
I  have  read  several  writers  on  the  subject,  such  as  Scaramelli, 
Cardinal  Bona,  St.  John  of  the  Cross,  Father  Baker,  the 
Life  of  Balthasar  Alvarez,  &c. ;  yet  I  must  confess,  that 
after  all,  I  have  very  imperfect  notions  of  the  matter.  “  How 
then,”  I  often  asked  myself,  “  can  you  venture  to  translate 
a  Life  which  is  so  difficult,  so  sublime,  so  extraordinary,  so 
different  from  the  ordinary  lives  of  the  saints'?”  Such 
were  my  thoughts  ;  and  so  far  did  they  prevail  on  me,  that  1 
often  resolved  to  abandon  the  intention  of  translating  the 
Life,  hoping  that  some  one  else,  more  competent  than  myself, 
might,  perhaps,  sooner  or  later,  undertake  the  work.  Still, 
with  all  my  diffidence,  I  felt  a  secret  desire  not  to  abandon 
the  intention  altogether ;  and  I  was  encouraged  therein,  by 
the  very  kind  manner  in  which  both  Bishop  Wareing  and 
Bishop  Ullathorne,  as  well  as  several  priests,  whose  judgment 
I  valued,  spoke  of  my  intention  to  give  a  translation  of 
the  Saint’s  Life. 

I  accordingly  commenced,  and  was  highly  delighted  with 
the  novelty  of  the  undertaking.  The  edifying  and  interest¬ 
ing  account  the  Saint  gives  of  her  early  years,  and  of  the 
means  employed  by  God  gradually  to  draw  her  from  the 
vanities  of  the  world,  quite  enchanted  me,  especially  as  the 
first  ten  Chapters  are  so  very  easy  to  translate.  But  when 
I  was  led  into  the  inmost  sanctuary  of  the  Saint,  and  heard 
words  uttered,  “  Arcana  verba,  quae  non  licet  homini  loqui;” 


16 


PREFACE. 


secret  words,  which  it  is  not  granted  to  man  to  utter ;  when 
visions,  and  raptures,  and  divine  colloquies,  and  all  the 
wonders  of  the  supernatural  life  came  before  me,  and  were 
related  in  abstruse  words,  and  in  a  language  I  had  never 
been  accustomed  to,  then  I  was  indeed  strongly  tempted  to 
stop  :  and  yet  I  did  not.  And  why  not  ?  Because,  in  spite 
of  the  many  difficulties  I  met  with,  there  was  a  something  so 
charming,  though  so  sublime,  in  the  Saint’s  narration  ;  the 
heroic  sentiments  with  which  her  Life  abounds ;  the  heavenly 
virtues  of  obedience,  mortification,  humility,  self-denial,  and 
divine  love,  which  the  Saint  inculcates  in  almost  every  page ; 
the  admirable  rules  she  lays  down  for  the  guidance  of  souls 
in  the  way  of  perfection  :  the  excellent  maxims  of  a  spiritual 
life,  which  her  holy  mouth  so  frequently  uttered ;  these,  and 
many  other  advantages,  induced  me  to  persevere.  I  could 
not  resist  the  attractions  by  which  I  was  surrounded. 

But  many  imagine  there  is  nothing  “practical”  in  the 
Life  of  St.  Teresa,  or  in  any  of  her  other  works;  that  it  is 
next  to  impossible  to  understand  her  account  of  the  different 
degrees  of  supernatural  prayer,  to  which  she  was  raised  ; 
that  being  continually  absorbed  in  the  contemplation  of  Him 
whom  her  soul  loved,  she  wings  her  flight  too  high  for  ordinary 
mortals  to  follow  ;  that  she  hardly  speaks  of  anything  but 
visions  and  raptures  ;  and  hence,  that  her  works  are  useful 
and  intelligible  only  to  persons  who  have  attained  an  eminent 
spirit  of  prayer,  and  of  these  there  must  be  a  very  small 
number,  even  in  religious  communities.* 

Such  are  some  of  the  prejudices  and  objections  which  we 
sometimes  hear  urged,  and  which  we  know  are  entertained 
by  many  against  the  works  of  St.  Teresa  :  but  nothing  can  be 
more  unfounded  and  erroneous.  There  is  hardly  any  modern 
saint  who  displays  more  solid  judgment  and  common  sense 
than  St.  Teresa.  She  is  eminently  'practical.  She  is  all  for 
action,  “  either  to  die  or  to  suffer, ”  were  the  noble  words 
that  were  always  on  her  lips.  “  Do  you  see  Teresa  of  Jesus  ?  ” 
exclaimed  F.  Balthasar  Alvarez,  “  what  sublime  graces  has 

*  See  these  objections  refuted  in  “  L’Esprit  de  Sainte  Therese,”  par  M. 
Emery,  (Pref.  xii.) 


PREFACE. 


17 


she  not  received  of  God,  and  yet  she  is  like  the  most  tracta¬ 
ble  little  child,  with  regard  to  everything  I  can  say  to  her !” 
To  speak  here  of  her  practical  piety,  and  of  those  virtues 
which  every  one  may  imitate  by  the  Divine  assistance,  would 
he  too  tedious.  Those  who  have  not  the  opportunity  of 
reading  the  high  eulogium  passed  upon  her  by  Ribera, 
Yepes,  Palafox,  Villefore,  Boucher,  the  Venerable  John  of 
Avila,  S.  Antonio,*  and  the  learned  writers  of  the  last  mag¬ 
nificent  volume  of  the  Bollandists,  may  form  some  idea  of 
those  virtues  which  adorned  her  soul,  from  the  interesting 
life  our  own  Alban  Butler  has  written  of  her.  Father  Faber 
very  justly  says,  “  That  she  represents  the  common  sense, 
the  discreet  enthusiasm  of  devotion,  and  the  interior  life  which 
distinguishes  Catholic  asceticism  and  the  mysticism  of  the 
saints  from  the  fanatical  vagaries  of  the  heretics.”!  As 
to  the  works  of  the  saint,  let  us  hear  the  illustrious  Bishop 
Milner  speak  :  ....  u  I  will  venture  to  assert,  that  as 

far  as  wre  can  pronounce  on  the  opinion  of  the  Church,  where 
no  formal  decision  has  taken  place,  there  are,  perhaps,  no 
writings  that  have  been  more  pointedly  or  more  strongly  ap¬ 
proved  of  by  this  unerring  judgment,  than  those  of  St. 
Teresa.  Her  spirit  of  prayer,  and  the  character  of  her 
ascetical  works,  were  not  only  examined  and  approved  of 
by  the  most  eminent  divines  of  the  age,  but  also  by  a  constel¬ 
lation  of  her  holy  contemporaries,  such  as  St.  F.  Borgia,  St. 
Peter  of  Alcantara,  St.  John  of  the  Cross,  and  St.  Lewis  Ber¬ 
trand,  who  were  the  best,  because  they  were  experimental 
judges  of  the  excellency  of  her  ‘heavenly  doctrine, ’J  for  so 
it  is  styled  by  the  Church  in  the  prayer  inserted  in  her 
public  liturgy,  after  a  second  examination  of  our  Saint’s 
spirit  and  writings  had  taken  place, &c. 

Diego  de  Yepes  says  of  her  works  :  “  That  they  are  written 
with  such  simplicity  and  sublimity,  with  such  sweetness  and 

*  “Vita  di  Santa  Teresa.”  ( Roma ,  1837.)  This  life  of  the  Saint  is  very 
valuable,  and  ably  drawn  up. 

-j-  Preface  to  “Catholic  Hymns.”  {Burns,  1849.) 
t  “  Coelestis  ejus  doctrinse  pabulo  nutriamur,”  <fcc. 
g  Preface  to  the  translation  of  St.  Teresa’s  “Exclamations.”  ( Landon , 
1790.) 

2*  _  -  - • 


18 


PREFACE. 


beauty  of  style ;  and  that  what  she  says,  penerates  the  heart 
so  easily,  that  it  is  evident  she  learnt  her  doctrine  from 
Heaven,  and.  wrote  her  works  by  the  particular  assistance 
of  the  Holy  Spirit.”  This  testimony  is  confirmed  by  St. 
Teresa  herself  in  many  passages  which  I  might  quote ;  one,  . 
however,  will  be  sufficient “  As  our  Lord  said  to  me  on 
one  occasion,  that  many  of  the  things  I  have  mentioned  here 
were  not  my  own  invention,  but  that  He,  my  heavenly 
Master,  told  them  to  me.”  Lewis  de  Leon,  to  whom  the 
Saint’s  works  had  been  given  for  examination,  and  who  was  a 
very  learned  and  prudent  Father  of  the  Order  of  St.  Dominic, 
thus  speaks  of  them,  in  a  letter  addressed  to  the  Carmelite 
Nuns  of  Madrid  :  “  I  never  saw  nor  knew  the  Blessed  Mother 
Teresa  of  Jesus,  while  she  lived  in  this  world ;  but  now, 
when  she  lives  in  Heaven,  I  know  her,  and  do  in  reality  see 
her  continually  in  two  living  images  of  herself,  which  she 
left  amongst  us,  viz.,  her  daughters  and  her  books,”  &c. 

How  highly  does  St.  Francis  of  Sales  speak  of  our  glo¬ 
rious  Saint,  in  the  preface  to  his  treatise  on  the  “  Love 
of  God.”  Bishop  Palafox,  in  a  letter  to  F.  Didacus,  uses 
the  following  remarkable  words  :  “  I  never  knew  a  person 
who  was  devout  to  St.  Teresa,  that  did  not  become  a  spiritual 
man  ;  nor  did  I  ever  know  a  spiritual  man  who  read  her 
works,  that  did  not  become  more  spiritual,  and  most  devoted 
to  the  Saint.”  S.  Antonio,  in  the  fourth  volume  of  his  Life 
of  St.  Teresa,  gives  many  proofs  of  the  great  advantage  the 
works  of  the  Saint  are  to  the  faithful. 

But  it  would  be  superfluous  to  enter  into  more  details 
on  this  part  of  the  subject.  Every  one  knows  that  St. 
Teresa’s  works,  and  especially  her  Life,  have  always  been 
eagerly  sought  after  by  the  learned  and  devout,  not  only 
among  Catholics,  but  also  among  Protestants.  The  many 
editions  which  ha,ve  appeared  in  Spanish  and  French  prove 
this  truth. 

I  had  at  first  intended  to  say  something  (in  this  Preface) 
by  way  of  explanation,  respecting  those  sublime  degrees  of 
supernatural  prayer  to  which  our  Lord  was  pleased^  to  raise 
St  Teresa.  BuV  when  \  attempted  to  clothe  my  imperfect 
ideas  in  words,  I  found  how  incompetent  I  was  for  such  a 


A 


PREFACE. 


14 


task.  Being  immediately  convinced  of  my  utter  inability 
to  do  justice  to  the  subject,  I  wrote  to  one  of  our  beloved 
bishops,  who  I  am  sure  is  quite  competent  to  write  a  valuable 
treatise  on  Mental  prayer  ;  but  he  declined,  through  want  of 
time.  No  other  alternative,  therefore,  was  left,  but  to  give, 
in  a  few  words,  the  substance  of  what  St.  Teresa  herself  has 
said  on  prayer,  and  to  refer  the  reader  to  some  standard 
works  on  the  subject.  St.  Teresa  commences,  in  the  tenth 
Chapter  of  her  Life,  to  speak  of  prayer.  She  says  that  she 
began  to  consider  Christ  as  present  in  her  soul,  in  the  same 
manner  as  she  had  been  accustomed  to  do  after  communion. 
From  the  twentieth  year  after  she  had  first  applied  herself  to 
this  exercise,  she  made  little  use  of  interior  discoursing  or 
reasoning,  to  inflame  her  affections,  for  the  intuitjve  consider¬ 
ation  of  any  object  immediately  excited  in  her  soul  the  most 
ardent  acts  of  divine  love,  praise,  thanksgiving,  and  com¬ 
punction.  The  tenderness  of  her  love,  and’  the  deep  sense 
of  her  own  sins  and  miseries,*  constituted  her  prayer,  without 
her  being  obliged  to  have  recourse  to  studied  words,  or  to 
long  reflections  in  her  meditations.  “  This  prayer  suspends 
the  soul,”  she  says,  “  in  such  a  way,  that  she  seems  to  be 
wholly  out  of  herself.  The  will  is  in  the  act  of  loving  ; 
the  memory  seems  to  be  in  a  manner  lost,  and  the  under¬ 
standing  reasons  not.”  The  Saint  distinguishes  four  degrees 
of  Mental  prayer,  comprising  the  prayer  of  Quiet,  and  that 
of  Union.  In  the  former,  she  represents  a  soul  so  perfectly 
shut  up  within  herself,  as  to  receive  no  impressions  from 
without,  the  avenues  of  the  senses  and  imagination,  by  which 
external  objects  press  upon  her,  being  at  that  time  stopped, 
so  that  she  then  converses  entirely  with  God  alone.  “  He 
who  begins  this  way  of  prayer  (says  our  Saint,  chap,  xi.) 
must  imagine  that  he  is  beginning  to  make  a  garden,  for  the 
pleasure  aud  delight  of  bis  Lord,  though  it  may  be  in  a  very 
unfruitful  soil,  full  of  weeds.  It  is  His  Majesty  who  must 
now  be  pleased  to  plant  good  herbs,  and  root  up  the  bad 
ones . But,  by  the  help  of  our  Lord,  we  also,  must 

-*•  Though  St.  Teresa  represents  herself,  through  her  most  wonderful 
humility, °as  the  most  base  and  wicked  of  creatures,  yet  all  her  confessors 
declared  that  she  never  coinmitted  a  mortal  sin. 


20 


PREFACE. 


be  careful,  like  attentive  gardeners,  in  seeing  that  these 
good  herbs  which  are  planted  may  grow,  and  we  must  not 
forget  to  water  them,  that  so  they  may  not  wither,  but  bring 
forth  sweet-smelling  flowers,  which  may  give  delight  to  our 
Lord,  and  induce  Him  often  to  come  into  this  garden,  and 
regale  Himself  with  the  virtues  of  our  soul,”  &c.  She  men¬ 
tions  how  these  plants  may  be  watered  in  four  ways:  1.  By 
drawing  water  -out  of  a  well.  2.  By  means  of  a  wheel,  with 
little  buckets  attached  to  it.  3.  Or,  by  turning  a  small 
stream  into  the  garden  .  and,  lastly,  the  garden  is  watered 
when  a  good  shower  of  rain  falls  upon  it,  for  then  our  Lord 
Himself  waters  it,  without  any  labor  at  all  of  ours.  The 
Saint  explains,  (in  the  eleventh  Chapter,)  these  four  ways 
more  fully,  to  which  I  refer  the  reader. 

In  the  twelfth  Chapter,  she  says:  “  In  Mystical  Theology, 
the  understanding  ceases  from  working,  because  God  sus¬ 
pends  it,  as  I  will  explain  afterwards,  if  I  be  able,”  &c. 
By  the  term  “  suspends,”  the  Saint  means,  that  God  repre¬ 
sents  to  the  intellect  supernatural  things  in  so  clear  a  light, 
that  the  soul  sees  them  by  an  intuitive  view,  without  dis¬ 
coursing  or  reasoning  upon  them ;  and  this,  too,  so  strongly, 
that  she  is  not  able  to  turn  her  attentiou  to  any  other  object. 
But  this  operation  is  not  confined  to  the  intellect  alone  ;  it 
passes  on  to  the  will  also,  and  inflames  it.  The  understand¬ 
ing  becomes  strongly  fixed  on  the  object  which  it  sees,  and 
is  astonished  at  the  clear  sight  it  obtains.  The  Saint  calls 
this  suspension  “  supernatural,”  because  in  it  the  soul  is 
passive  much  more  than  active,  though  she  may  at  the  same 
time  produce  acts  of  adoration,  praise,  and  thanksgiving. 
The  Saint  tells  us,  that  we  must  not  desire  these  suspensions, 
nor  use  any  efforts  to  obtain  them,  “  because  the  devil  may 
bring  some  illusion  upon  us.”  (Chapter  xii.) 

In  the  thirteenth  Chapter,  she  continues  the  explanation 
of  the  first  degree,  and  gives  excellent  advice  against  certain 
temptations.  “  His  Majesty,”  she  says,  “  is  a  very  great 
friend  of  courageous  souls,  provided  they  proceed  with 
humility,  and  not  with  any  confidence  in  themselves.”  Be¬ 
ginners,  the  Saint  remarks,  particularly  require  a  learned  and 
experienced  director  t  “  for  I  have  met  with  certain  souls, 


PREFACE. 


21 


who  have  been  afflicted  and  dejected,  because  he  who  had 
the  instruction  of  them  wanted  experience,  and  I  was  very 
sorry  for  them.”  Again,  she  remarks  a  little  further  on  ; 
“  I  consider  that  a  person  who  exercises  prayer,  and  consults 
learned  men,  will  never  be  deceived  by  illusions  of  the  devil, 
if  he  have  not  a  mind  to  deceive  himself.  I  believe  that  the 
devil  is  greatly  afraid  of  learning,  whenever  it  is  accompanied 
with  humility,  for  he  knows  that  he  will  be  discovered  in  the 
end,”  &c. 

In  the  fourteenth  and  fifteenth  Chapters,  the  Saint  ex¬ 
plains  still  more  at  length  the  prayer  of  Quiet  or  Recollec¬ 
tion,  “  which  is  easily  perceived  by  the  peace  and  satisfac¬ 
tion  which  is  felt,  accompanied  with  very  great  contentment 
and  calmness  of  the  powers,  and  with  the  sweetest  delight.” 
In  Chapter  the  eighteenth,  she  begins  to  speak  of  the  prayer 
of  Union.  It  would  be  too  long  to  give  here  even  the  sub¬ 
stance  of  what  the  Saint  says  on  this  sublime  degree.  Alban 
Butler  has  a  very  excellent  note  on  this  prayer  of  Union, 
which  I  will  take  the  liberty  of  quoting  at  length:  “The 
second,  and  more  sublime  prayer  is  that  of  Union.  By  this 
term  is  not  meant  a  union  of  the  presence  or  place,  by  which 
God  is  present  to  all  creatures  ,  nor  that  of  sanctifying  grace, 
by  which  every  just  man  is  a  partaker  of  the  friendship  of 
God  ;  but  this  mystical  union  is  that  of  the  powers  of  the 
understanding  and  will,  which,  by  their  vital  actions,  are 
closely  united  to  God  The  understanding,  divested  of  all 
corporal  images,  is  penetrated  with  the  clear  light  and  in¬ 
finite  brightness  of  the  divine  wisdom,  while  the  will  is  closely 
joined  to  God  by  the  most  ardent  love,  which,  like  a  fire, 
consumes  all  earthly  affections.”*  But  let  us  hear  the  great 
Saint  herself :  “  The  soul  being  in  this  state,  finds  herself 
almost  sinking  under  a  sweet  and  most  excessive  delight. 
She  faints,  and  even  the  breath  and  all  corporal  strength 
begin  to  fail,  so  that  the  person  is  then  not  able  so  much  as 
to  move  her  hands  without  great  pain.  The  eyes  are  also 
closed,  though  without  there  being  any  intention  of  shutting 
them ;  and  when,  by  accident,  they  chance  to  open,  the  soul 


*  October  15. 


•22 


PREFACE. 


sees  nothing  distinctly ;  and  if  she  should  read,  she  cannot 
know  any  of  the  letters  correctly.  She  sees,  indeed,  that 
there  are  letters,  but  as  the  understanding  does  not  give  her 
any  assistance,  she  knows  not  how  to  read  even  if  she  wished. 

She  hears,  but  does  not.  understand  what  she  hears . 

As  for  speaking,  it  is  vanity  so  much  as  to  think  ol  any  such 
thing,  for  she  cannot  possibly  form  any  words ;  and  if  she 
could,  she  could  not  pronounce  them,  because  all  the  strength 
of  her  body  is  absolutely  lost,  on  account  of  the  greater 
increase  of  tha  of  the  sou:,  that  so  she  may  enjoy  her  glory 

the  better . However  long  this  prayer  may  last,  it 

does  not  put  the  soul  to  any  kind  of  inconvenience,  at  least 
it  never  put  me  to  any;  nor  am  I  able  t j  remember,  that 
when  our  Lord  showed  me  this  favor,  I  ever  found  myself 
the  worse,  however  weak  or  unwell  I  might  have  been,  but 
rather  my  health  was  the  more  improved  thereby.  -  nd,  in¬ 
deed,  what  harm  can  Le  done  to  any  one  by  so  great  a  blessing 
as  this?”  (Chapter  xviii.)  In  the  nineteenth  Chapter,  the  Saint 
explains  the  wonderful  effects  of  the  prayer  of  Union.  To  this 
Chanter  I  refer  the  reader,  who,  if  he  cannot  understand 
all  the  sublime  words  the  Saint  utters,  he  will  at  least  learn 
to  admire  her  wonderful  sanctity,  that  deserved  to  be  so 
richly  rewarded  by  her  beloved  Spouse ;  and  he  will,  at  the 
same  time,  be  astonished  at  the  most  profound  humility  of 
the  Saint,  who  became  the  more  humble,  the  more  she  was 
caressed  and  exalted.  It  was  by  the  prayer  of  Union,  that 
she  saw  in  such  a  clear  manner  the  immense  greatness  of 
God,  the  emptiness  of  all  earthly  things,  and  her  own  misery  ; 
for  she  beh  Id  herself  covered  with  imperfections  and  innu¬ 
merable  sins,  (so  her  tender  conscience  magnified  them,)  in 
such  a  way,  that  she  exclaimed, 6i  0  Lord !  who  shall  be 
justified  before  Thee?  ” 

Such  is  the  short  and  very  imperfect  explanation  I  have 
given  of  the  prayer  of  Quiet  and  Union.  The  truth  is,  as 
St.  Teresa  herself  frequently  mentions,  few  can  understand 
this  kind  of  prayer,  but  those  who  have  experienced  it.  It 
may,  however,  be  useful  to  mention  some  of  the  most  ap¬ 
proved  writers  on  the  subject,  so  that  it  any  one  should  feel 
inclined  to  study  the  subject,  as  it  were,  he  may  know  what 


23 


P  REF A  C  E  . 

authors  to  consult.  First  of  all  comes  theYenerable  Father 
Baker’s  “  Sancta  Sophia,”  which  is  quite  a  treasure  in  itself ; 
besides  containing  many  valuable  treatises  and  rule's  on  prayer, 
it  also  gives  a  translation  of  F.  Balthasar  Alvarez’s*  account 
of  his  manner  of  prayer,  which  he  wrote  by  the  command  of 
his  superior.  W  hen  we  remember  that  Alvarez  was  confessor 
to  St.  Teresa,  and  that  she  speaks  of  him  in  the  highest 
terms  of  praise,  we  shall  know  how  to  appreciate  what  he 
says  on  prayer.  Father  Baker’s  “Sophia”  is  certainly  Me 
best  work  we  have  in  English  on  prayer :  “  nothing  is  more 
clear,  simple,  solid,  or  profound,”  as  Bishop  Ullathorne 
justly  remarks,  in  a  private  letter  his  lordship  kindly  sent 
me  some  time  ago. 

“II  Direttorio  Mistico,”  by  Scaramelli,  is,  perhaps,  the 
next  best  treatise,  though  I  must  confess  it  is  very  dry.  It 
is,  however,  a  standard  work. 

There  is  an  admirable,  but  scarce  work,  in  French,  en¬ 
titled  “  Secrets  Sentiers,”  which  was  composed  by  a  holy  man 
named  Barbason.  It  comprises  everything  on  the  subject. 
I  have  already  mentioned  the  “  Life  of  Balthasar  AlVarez,” 
which  is  exceedingly  useful  and  edifying. 

In  German,  Gorres  has  written  an  historical  account  of  all 
the  principal  mystical  writers,  in  a  preface  to  one  of  the 
works  of  Suso.  Benedict  XIY.  has  treated  the  subject 
with  his  usual  clearness  and  learning,  in  his  great  work  “  On 
the  Beatification  and  Canonization  of  the  Saints.” 

Cardinal  Bona’s  “  Yia  Compedii  ad  Deum,”  will  also  be 
found  very  useful.  It  is  written  with  great  unction,  solidity, 
clearness,  and  learning.  Other  authors  might  be  added, 
such  as  Thomas  a  Jesu ;  Dionysius  the  Carthusian  ;  Gerson  ; 
Richard  of  St.  Yictor ;  St.  F.  of  Sales ;  Harphius  ;  Rus- 
brochius,  Taulerus,  Suso,  Blosius  ;  “  Scala  Perfectionis,”  by 
F.  Walter  Hinton  ;  and  lastly,  the  works  of  St.  John  of  the 
Cross,  which  I  possess  in  Spanish,  though  I  have  not  read 
them.f  I  almost  forgot  to  mention,  that  St.  Teresa,  in  her 


*-  The  life  of  this  holy  man  has  been  written  by  Lewis  de  Ponte  or 
Puente,  and  translated  into  French.  (Paris,  1846.) 

j-  See  Father  Baker,  “  On  Reading  Spiritual  Books/'  <fec.  (p.  85,  cap,  iii.) 


24 


PREFACE. 


“Way  of  Perfection,”  lays  down  many  excellent  rules  for 
mental  prayer ;  and  so  also  does  St.  Peter  of  Alcantara,  in 
his  “  Golden  Treatise  on  Mental  Prayer.” 

From  the  prayer  of  Union  came  those  wonderful  ecstacies 
and  raptures  ;  those  impetuosities  of  the  Spirit ;  those  mys¬ 
terious,  yet  familiar  visions  and  representations  of  super¬ 
natural  objects ;  words  spoken  by  our  Lord  to  comfort  or 
direct  her  in  her  troubles  and  afflictions ;  revelations ;  in¬ 
fused  knowledge  and  understanding  of  the  highest  mysteries ; 
— all  these,  and  many  other  wonders  the  Saint  speaks  of  so 
frequently,  and  with  so  much  sincerity  and  humility,  that 
we  seem  at  once  admitted  into  Heaven  itself, — into  the  very 
sanctuary  of  the  Divinity.  God  seems  to  have  poured  out 
on  the  blessed  soul  of  Teresa  the  plenitude  of  His  choicest 
gifts,  so  that  she  might  with  some  degree  of  justice  exclaim 
with  Mary,  “  Fecit  mihi  magna  qui  potens  est.”  She  sees 
God  as  clearly  as  the  prophets ;  she  converses  with  Him 
as  familiarly  as  the  patriarchs  did  :  she  speaks  of  Him  as 
learnedly  and  sublimely  as  the  Doctors  of  the  Church. 
It  is  sufficient  for  us  to  remain  at  the  foot  of  the  moun¬ 
tain,  while  she  ascends  the  top,  and  hears  and  sees 
things  “  which  eye  hath  not  seen,  nor  ear  heard.”  Her 
visions  and  raptures  we  are  amazed  at.  But  what  we  admire 
still  more,  and  what  contributes  more  to  our  edification,  is 
to  see  that  Teresa  is  in  no  way  dazzled  by  such  brightness, 
nor  elated  by  such  loving  caresses  ;  but  rather,  the  more 
she  is  exalted  by  her  beloved  Spouse,  the  more  humble,  the 
more  fearful  does  she  become.  I  must  refer  the  reader  to 
the  twentieth  Chapter  of  the  Saint’s  Life,  where  she  men¬ 
tions  the  difference  between  union  and  rapture.  In  the 
latter,  she  says,  “  Our  Lord  catches  up  the  soul,  (as  we  may 
say,)  just  as  the  clouds  catch  up  the  vapors  from  the  earth ; 
and  so  He,  taking  her  wholly  up  from  the  earth,  the  cloud 
rises  up  to  Heaven  and  carries  her  along  with  it,  and  tie 
shows  her  certain  things  which  are  prepared  for  her  there.” 
Again:  “  In  these  raptures  it  does  not  seem  that  the  soul 
even  animates  the  body ;  and  so  the  body  itself  feels  very 
great  trouble,  through  being  deprived  of  its  natural  heat ; 
and  it  seeks  to  cool  itself,  though  enjoying  the  most  exces- 


PREFACE. 


25 


give  sweetness  and  delight.  Here  there  is  no  means  of 
resisting,  though  in  the  prayer  of  Union  there  is  some  remedy, 
....  But  here  there  is  no  remedy,  nor  any  help ;  for  the 
rapture  often  comes,  without  our  being  able  to  prevent  its 
coming,  even  in  thought.  And  there  comes  such  a  sudden 
and  strong  impetuosity,  that  you  feel  the  cloud  raising  itself 
up  ;  or  rather,  this  strong  eagle  takes  you  and  carries  you 
quite  away  between  its  wings,”  &c.  The  examples  of  certain 
women,  who  about  this  time  were  found  to  be  miserably  de¬ 
luded  by  the  devil  and  their  own  wayward  imagination, 
greatly  terrified  our  Saint,  though  at  the  same  time  she  was 
firmly  persuaded  her  favors  came  from  God.  Passing  over 
the  twenty-first  and  twenty-second  Chapters,  which  are  full 
of  the  most  sublime  narrations,  we  find  St.  Teresa  resuming 
the  history  of  her  Life  in  the  twenty-third  Chapter.  She 
says  :  u  This  fear  now  increased  to  such  a  degree,  that .  it 
made  me  inquire  diligently  after  some  spiritual  persons  with 
whom  I  could  speak  concerning  my  troubles,  and  already  X 
had  received  some  account  of  such  persons.”*  The  first 
person  to  whom  she  opened  her  mind  was  a  gentleman  whose 
name  was  Francesco  de  Salsedo,  a  married  man,  who  for  thirty- 
eight  years  had  practised  mental  prayer,  together  with  his 
virtuous  wife.  Their  piety  was  an  example  to  the  whole 
country,  and  St.  Teresa  bestows  on  them  both  the  highest 
praise.  This  gentleman  introduced  her  to  a  very  learned 
priest  named  Gaspar  X)aza.  But  both  of  them,  after  an 
examination  of  our  Saint’s  manner  of  prayer,  expressed  their 
fears  to  her,  and  said,  “  they  thought  there  was  an  evil  spirit 
in  some  things,  but  they  could  not  be  certain.”  This 
judgment  they  formed,  because  they  supposed  that  the  ex¬ 
traordinary  favors  which  the  Saint  received  were  inconsistent 
with  all  the  sins  and  imperfections  which  she  magnified  to 
them.  Great  was  Teresa’s  affliction  and  abundant  her  tears  on 
hearing  what  they  said,  though  she  could  not  persuade  her¬ 
self  she  was  deluded  by  the  devil.  At  length  the  gentle- 


*  She  alludes  to  the  Jesuits,  who  came  into  Spain  about  the  year  1553. 
The  Saint  always  loved  the  Society  of  Jesus,  because  she  heard  what 
holy  lives  the  Fathers  led:  “  Era  muy  afficionada  &  quien,  desolo  saber  el 
modo  que  llevaban  de  vida  y  oraeion.”  (Cap.  xxiii.) 

3 


26 


PREFACE. 


♦ 


man  above  mentioned  strongly  advised  her  to  consult  one  of 
the  Fathers  of  the  Society  of  Jesus,  (who  had  lately  come 
into  Spain,)  and  were  eminent  for  their  experience  in  guiding 
souls.  He  told  her  also  to  make  a  general  confession  to  the 
father  ;  to  explain  everything  to  him  with  candor,  and  to  be 
very  careful  in  doing  whatever  he  should  command  or  ad¬ 
vise  her.  St.  Teresa  did  so ;  and  the  father  assured  her, 
after  having  heard  the  account  of  her  life,  that  her  prayer 
came  from  God ;  he  encouraged  her  not  to  desist  from  her 
present  practice  ;  and  exhorted  her  every  day  to  meditate  on 
some  part  of  our  Saviour’s  passion,  besides  giving  her  many 
other  wise  and  wholesome  counsels.  “  In  all  things,”  says 
the  ^aint,  “  it  seemed  to  me  that  the  Holy  Spirit  spoke  by 
the  mouth  of  this  father  for  the  good  of  my  soul.” 

In  1557,  St.  Francis  Borgia  came  into  Spain.  St.  Teresa 
was  desired  to  consult  him  ;  and  having  done  so,  he  assured 
her  that  “  the  Spirit  of  God  was  the  author  of  her  prayer,” 
&c.  She  was  comforted  by  his  words.  But  shortly  after¬ 
wards  he  was  called  away,  to  the  great  sorrow  of  our  Saint, 
for  she  thought  she  would  never  be  able  to  find  another  like 
him.  Hei  next  director,  however,  was  one  according  to  her 
own  heart,— the  venerable  servant  of  God,  F.  Balthasar 
Alvarez.  He  told  her  that  she  would  do  well  to  beg  of  our 
Lord  to  enlighten  her  mind,  and  teach  her  what  He  willed 
her  to  do,  and  that  for  this  object  she  should  recite  every 
day,  u  \  eni,  Creator  Spiritus.”  While  she  was  once  reciting 
this  hymn,  she  fell  so  suddenly  into  a  rapture,  that  she  be- 
came  as  it  were  out  of  herself ;  then  she  heard  these  words  : 

1  will  not  have  thee  hold  conversation  with  men.  but  with 
angels.  These  words  were  spoken  in  the  interior  of  her 
sou1  and  terrified  her  greatly,  though  on  the  other  hand  they 
afforded  her  much  consolation.  Those  words  were  also  veri¬ 
fied  to  the  letter;  for  the  Saint  assures  us  that  ever  after  she 
(Could  not  entertain  any  particular  affection  for  any  one, 
except  for  those  who  she  thought  loved  God  and  wished  to 
se?ve  Him  I  refer  the  reader  to  the  twenty-fourth  Chapter. 
WUle  Balthasar  was  her  director,  our  Saint  suffered  most 
grievous ^  trials  and  persecutions  for  about  three  years, 
orgh  it  was  hei  earnest  desire  that  all  her  visions  and 


»«ip  «  M 

>  1  aS 


BO.v 


"V  •  -i 

k'  d 


n 


8  E8TJS  UT  MILL,  MAiSS, 


PREFACE. 


27 


raptures  should  he  kept  quite  secret,  yet  they  soon  began  to 
be  known,  in  spite  of  all  her  precautions.  The  world  is 
always  censorious, — more  inclined  to  blame  than  to  praise 
and  take  one’s  part.  Accordingly,  St.  Teresa  was  ridiculed 
in  every  place,  and  censured  without  mercy.  Few  had  a 
good  opinion  of  her  at  first.  She  was  called  an  enthusiast, — 
a  hypocrite, — and  even  a  devil !  She  was  shunned  as 
something  unclean  ;  as  one  who  had  dealings  with  the  prince 
of  darkness.  Six  individuals  consulted  together,  and  de¬ 
cided  that  she  was  evidently  deluded  by  the  devil ;  and  they 
prevailed  on  F.  Balthasar  to  command  her  “  not  to  communi¬ 
cate  so  frequently ;  not  to  live  so  retired,  nor  prolong  her 
meditations  beyond  the  usual  time,”  &c.  Her  confessor, 
however,  consoled  her  to  the  best  of  his  power ;  bade  her 
not  despond,  nor  lose  her  courage  ;  for  even  if  she  were  de¬ 
luded  by  the  devil,  he  told  her  he  could  not  hurt  her,  so  long 
as  she  endeavored  to  advance  in  obedience,  humility,  patience, 
and  divine  love.  One  day  the  Saint  fell  into  a  rapture, 
when  her  soul  was  in  the  greatest  affliction,  and  heard  a 
voice  interiorly,  uttering  these  words  :  u  Fear  not,  daughter, 
it  is  I ;  and  I  will  not  forsake  thee :  do  not  fear.”  Her 
mind  was  instantly  composed.  (See  Chapter  xxv.) 

Passing  over  many  other  things  for  the  sake  of  brevity, 
but  which,  I  am  sure,  will  be  read  with  the  deepest  interest 
in  the  Life,  I  must  not  omit  the  edifying  account  the  Saint 
gives  us  of  St.  Peter  of  Alcantara,*  in  the  twenty-seventh 
Chapter.  This  great  saint  visited  Avila  in  1559,  being  ap¬ 
pointed  the  commissary  of  his  Order.  At  that  time  St. 
Teresa  was  suffering  the  most  cruel  persecutions  from  her 
friends,  and  even  from  her  confessors,  as  well  as  laboring 
under  very  severe  interior  trials  from  scruples  and  anxieties. 
A  pious  lady,  named  Guiomera  d’Ulloa,  and  an  intimate 
friend  of  St.  Teresa,  who  was  also  aware  of  all  her  afflictions, 
obtained  leave  of  the  Provincial  of  the  Carmelites  for  St. 
Teresa  to  remain  a  few  days  at  her  house,  that-  so  our  Saint 


*  See  the  Life  of  this  great  saint,  written  by  F.  John  of  St.  Mary,  in 
1619,  and  also  by  F.  Martin  of  St.  Joseph,  in  1644  :  there  is  likewise  an 
interesting  account  in  Wadding’s  Annals  of  the  Franciscan  Order,  and 
in  Alban  Butler,  (Oct.  19.) 


28 


PREFACE. 


might  there  have  an  opportunity  of  consulting  St.  Peter  of 
Alcantara.  From  his  own  great  experience  and  knowledge 
of  Divine  manifestations,  he  was  easily  able  to  understand 
her,  to  clear  up  all  her  perplexities,  and  give  her  the  strong¬ 
est  assurance  that  her  prayer  and  visions,  &c.,  came  from 
the  Spirit  of  God.  He  even  publicly  declared,  that,  next 
to  the  truths  of  religion,  “nothing  appeared  to  him  more 
evident  than  that  her  soul  was  conducted  by  God.”  The 
authority  of  so  glorious  a  saint,— the  reputation  of  his  solid 
judgment  and  eminent  sanctity,  gave  his  decision  the  great¬ 
est  weight,  and  completely  turned  the  scales  in  favor  of  our 
persecuted  and  afflicted  Saint.*  Still,  the  holy  father 
assured,  her  that  her  troubles  were  not  yet  over ;  for  about 
this  time,  besides  interior  troubles  and  temptations,  the 
blessed  mother  often  met  with  exterior  afflictions,  and  fre¬ 
quently  saw  devils  in  most  hideous  figures ;  but  she  always 
drove  them  away,  either  by  making  the  sign  of  the  cross  or* 
by  holy  water.  Respecting  the  latter,  the  words  of  the  Saint 
deserve  to  be  remembered  :  “  I  have  found  by  experience, 

that  there  is  nothing  from  which  the  devils  so  certainly  fly 
(so  as  to  return  no  more,)  as  from  holy  water.  They  also 
fly  from  the  cross,”  &c. 

In  the  thirty-second  Chapter  comes  the  celebrated  and 
terrible  description  of  hell,  which  the  devils  (as  our  Lord 
gave  her  to  understand,)  had  prepared  for  her  on  account  of 
her  sins  ;  or  rather  she  saw  the  p/ace  which  she  was  doomed 
to  inhabit  in  hell,  had  not  our  Lord  delivered  her;  and  she 
also  actually  felt  in  her  soul  the  torments  of  that  frightful 
piison.  The  different  pains  she  experienced  are  described 
with  great  force  and  earnestness,  as  well  as  the  effects  pro¬ 
duced  in  her  soul  by  the  representation.  The  impression 
could  never  be  effaced  afterwards  :  and  from  that  time,  she 
tells  us,  “  she  was  in  very  great  pain  for  the  many  soirls  of 
the  Lutherans,  who  are  condemned  to  hell,  especially  because 
they  were  once  members  of  the  Church.”  The  impulses  she 
felt  thereby  to  do  good  to  souls,  inspired  her  with  the  idea  of 
reforming  her  Order.  Having  consulted  God  on  the  subject, 

*  See  Chapter  xxx.  Chapters  xxviii.  and  xxix.  must  be  react 
very  carefully. 


PREFACE. 


29 


His  Divine  Majesty,  one  day  after  she  had  communicated, 
commanded  her  to  use  all  her  exertions  to  accomplish  this 
object,  promising  her,  at  the  same  time,  that  the  monastery 
should  certainly  be  established,  and  that  it  should  be  called 
St.  Joseph’s  Monastery.  In  the  thirty-second  and  thirty* 
third  Chapters,  (which  are  additions  to  the  Saint’s  Life,)  she 
gives  us  a  most  interesting  account  of  the  foundation  of-  St. 
Joseph’s  Monastery  at  Avila.*  It  would  be  too  long  to 
mention  in  detail  all  the  trials  and  persecutions, — all  the 
slanders  and  reproaches,  and  the  immense  labors  St.  Teresa 
had  to  endure  in  establishing  this  house.  Every  one  seemed 
against  her  at  firsts  the  people  of  the  town,  her  superiors, 
the  provincial,  the  mayor,  the  magistrates,  the  nobility,  her 
sister  nuns, — a  11  protested  against  the  foundation,  not  in 
words  merely,  but  by  scoffs,  jeers,  laughter,  ridicule,  and 
calumnies.  Our  glorious  Saint,  however,  could  not  be 
daunted  ;  her  courage  was  superior  to  all  their  persecutions  ; 
and  so  calm  was  her  soul  under  every  trial,  that  she  inspires 
us  with  unbounded  admiration  for  her  heroic  patience  and 
endurance.  She  simply  recommended  to  God  his  own  work, 
and  He  was  pleased  one  day  to  comfort  and  encourage  her, 
by  these  words,  spoken  to  her  in  a  vision  :  “  Dost  thou  not 
know  that  I  am  mighty  ?  What  dost  thou  fear  ?  Be  assured 
the  monastery  shall  not  be  dissolved.  I  will  accomplish  all 
that  I  have  promised  thee.”  The  new  monastery  of  St. 
Joseph  was  at  last  established,  on  the  feast  of  St.  Bar¬ 
tholomew,  in  the  year  1562,  to  the  great  joy  and  consolation 
of  St.  Teresa.  The  people  gradually  became  attached  to 
the  nuns  ;  and  they  who  persecuted  them  the  most  were  their 
kindest  and  greatest  benefactors  afterwards.  They  acknow¬ 
ledged  “  that  it  was  the  work  of  God.”  (See  Chapter  xxxvi.) 

Many  Protestants  will,  no  doubt,  ridicule  and  disbelieve 
the  visions  and  raptures  of  our  Saint,  and  call  them  all  illu¬ 
sions,  or  the  result  of  an  excited,  enthusiastic,  or  weak 

*  In  the  same  town  was  the  convent  of  the  Incarnation,  in  which  the 
Saint  lived  several  years.  Many  relaxations,  however,  had  crept  in,  espe¬ 
cially  that  of  admitting  too  frequent  visits  of  secular  persons  at  the 
grate.  The  original  rule,  drawn  up  by  Albert,  Patriarch  of  Jerusalem, 
was  very  austere.  (See  Yepes  and  Ribera.) 

3* 


30 


PREFACE. 


imagination.  But  it  is  one  thing  to  assert,  and  another  to 
prove  a  fact.  I  defy  any  one  to  prove  that  the  visions,  &c.,  of 
St.  Teiesa  were  illusions.  The  raptures  and  visions  carry 
with  them  their  own  evidence ;  for,  as  Cardinal  Bona  ob¬ 
serves,  writing  on  this  very  subject,  “  St.  Teresa’s  visions 
and  revelations  were  approved  by  men  endowed  with  human 
and  divine  wisdom  ;  and  this  by  signs  and  marks  which  it  is 

worth  one’s  while  to  recount  here . Now,  that  St. 

Teresa  s  was  a  good  spirit,  and  her  revelations  true,  may  he 
proved  by  the  following  arguments: — 1.  She  always  feared 
diabolical  illusions,  and  therefore  never  asked  or  desired 
visions.  ! 2 .  She  always  besought  God  to  conduct  her  soul 
by  the  usual  way,  and  only  wished  that  God’s  will  might  be 
done.  3.  She  obeyed  her  directors  most  punctually,  and 
after  her  visions  she  advanced  the  more  in  charity  and  humility, 
&c.  4.  She  was  more  willing  to  treat  with  those  who  were 

less  credulous  and  more  suspicious.  5.  She  always  made  it 
a  point  of  duty  to  mention  everything  to  her  confessors; 
wneieas  the  devil  usually  tries  to  conceal  from  others  what 
he  reveals.  6.  She  submitted  to  be  examined  by  persons 
who  at  that  time  were  eminent  in  Spain  for  their  learning  and 
piety ;  such  as  St.  Peter  of  Alcantara,  St.  F.  Borgia,  the 
Ven.  John  of  Avila,  Balthasar  Alvarez,  Baiiez,  &c.  7. 

Her  mind  possessed  the  highest  tranquillity  and  delight, 
transcending  all  the  consolations  of  the  world.  8.  She  had 
a  most  inflamed  zeal  for  the  salvation  of  souls  ;  most  chaste 
thoughts,  a  great  candor,  and  a  fervent  desire  after  perfection. 
9.  Her  visions  came  after  long  and  fervent  prayers,  or  after 
receiving  the  Blessed  Sacrament,  and  they  enkindled  in  her 
soul  a  most  ardent  desire  of  suffering  for  God.  10.  She 
chastised  her  flesh  with  fasting,  disciplines,  and  hair  shirts  ; 
she  rejoiced  in  tribulations,  detractions,  and  sickness.  11. 
She  lined  solitude,  and  avoided  the  conversation  of  men, 
and  was  entirely  disengaged  from  all  earthly  things.  VI. 
Learned  men  never  observed  anything  in  her  visions  and 
revelations  which  was  contrary  to  the  rules  of  faith  or 
Christian  perfection.”* 


*  “  De  Discretion*: >  Spirituum  ”  (cap.  xx.)  These  effects  correspond  with 
those  mentioned  by  Benedict  XIV.  (“De  Canon,  et  Beatif.  Sanctorum.”) 


PREFACE. 


31 


Gerson  lays  down  a  sure  method  of  distinguishing  between 
true  and  false  visions  ;  viz.  if  the  person  so  favored  is  known 
to  advance  in  humility  alone :  “  Si  unum  hoc  humilitatis 
signum  bene  excuteretur  et  pateret,  alias  inquirere  notas 
aecesse  non  foret.  Nam  ex  humilitate  et  superbia  in  rebus 
spiritus  facillime  quis  discat,  quaenam  verse  sint,  et  quaenam 
falsitatem  oleant :  ”  such  are  his  words  ;  and  these  cor¬ 
respond  with  what  our  Saviour  says,  “  By  their  fruits  ye 
shall  know  them.”  St.  Teresa  often  speaks  on  the  deceits 
of  the  imagination  and  the  fancy ;  and  in  the  “  Book  of  the 
Foundations,”  she  points  out  to  her  Nuns  the  great  danger 
of  giving  way  to  melancholy  indeed,  she  was  very  careful 
not  to  admit  into  the  convent  those  who  seemed  subject  to 
it.  She  lays  down  as  a  rule, (( that  if  the  person  will  not 
observe  what  her  confessor  commands  her,  nor  allow  him  to 
guide  her,  it  is  either  some  evil  spirit  or  a  terrible  melan¬ 
choly.”  (Foundations,  chap,  xiii.) 

It  is  also  very  remarkable,  that  nothing  was  ever  spoken 
to  her  in  any  of  her  raptures,  which  was  not  afterwards 
literally  fulfilled.  Thus  the  death  of  St.  Peter  of  Alcan¬ 
tara  was  revealed  to  her  a  year  before  it  took  place  ]  so  that 
St.  Teresa  says,  “  When  these  words  came  from  God,  I  find 
the  truth  thereof  in  many  things  which  had  been  told  me  two 
or  three  years  before,  and  they  have  all  proved  true.”  (Life, 
chap,  xxv.) 

The  admirable  letter  which  Father  Avila  sent  to  the  Saint, 
after  having  perused  the  account  of  her  Life,  also  confirms 
what  has  been  said  respecting  her  visions  and  raptures.  I  will 
quote  a  few  passages  :  “  The  doctrine  concerning  prayer  is, 
for  the  most  part,  good,  and  you  may  well  acquiesce  in  it, 
and  follow  it ;  and  in  the  raptures,  I  find  the  signs  which 
those  have  that  are  true.  The  method  of  God’s  teaching  a 
soul  without  the  imagination,  and  without  interior  words,  is 
safe.  I  find  nothing  to  scruple  at,  and  St.  Augustine  speaks 

well  of  it . I  think  these  things  have  benefited  your 

soul,  and  especially  have  made  you  know  your  own  misery 
and  defects,  and  amend  them ;  they  have  continued  a  long 
time,  and  always  with  spiritual  profit ;  they  excite  you  to 


■n- 


32 


PREFACE. 


love  God  and  despise  yourself,  and  to  do  penance.  1 
do  not  see  why  I  should  blame  them,”*  &c. 

When  we  remember  how  spiritual  a  man  Father  Avila  was, 
and  how  deeply  versed  in  all  the  wonders  of  the  supernatural 
life,  his  words  must  have  immense  weight.  In  addition  to  all 
these  proofs,  we  know  that  the  account  of  her  Life  was  ex¬ 
amined  by  the  Spanish  Inquisition,  and  much  commended; 
and  above  all,  her  doctrine  has  been  styled  by  the  Church 
“  heavenly.”  What  stronger  proofs  can  be  desired  ?  Much 
more  might  be  said  on  the  subject. 

St.  Teresa  passed  five  years  in  her  convent  of  St.  Joseph, 
with  thirteen  devout  Nuns,  who  led  the  lives  of  angels  on 
earth.  In  August,  1567,  the  Saint  founded  the  convent  of 
Medina  del  Oampo;  after  which  came  the  foundations  of 
Malagon,  \  alladolid,  Toledo,  Salamanca,  Segovia,  Yeas,  Se¬ 
ville,  Ac.  Burgos  was  the  last,  and  the  most  trying  and  diffi- 
cult. .  And  here  I  cannot  forbear  inserting  the  following  most 
edifymg  account  of  the  death  of  St.  Teresa,  translated  from 
the  History  of  her  Life,  written  by  Ribera  and  Diego  de 
iepez,  both  of  whom  had  been  for  some  time  her  confessors. 

“  After  the  holy  mother  had  finished  the  foundation  of 
Burgos,  she  departed  to  Palentia,  and  from  thence  to  Medina, 
with  the  intention  of  making  the  best  of  her  way  to  Avila, 
where  she  was  prioress,  and  there  bestowing  the  veil  on  her 
niece,  Teresa  of  Jesus.  But  the  Most  High  had  appointed 
otherwise,  for  at  Medina  she  found  Father  Anthony  of  Jesus, 
at  that  time  the  Deputy-Provincial,  who,  at  the  request  of 
e  Duchess  of  Alva,  had  come  to  meet  her  there,  on  pur¬ 
pose  to  take  her  along  with  him  to  Alva.  There  she  was 
carried  in  a  litter,  suffering  great  pains  all  the  way,  and  so 
much  sickness,  that  when  she  came  to  Peynaranda,  the  next 
town,  she  felt  such  excessive  torment,  together  with  such  an 
incredible  decay  of  strength,  that  she  quite  swooned  away ; 
nor  was  there  anything  to  be  found  that  could  relieve  her 
sufferings  but  a  few  figs.  The  venerable  Anne  of  St. 


w*  £h°!e  °f,  *is  letter  ma?  be  found  in  the  Preface  of  Mr.  A. 
Wnn^ea(!  3  tra£sla*10.n  ,of  the  works  of  St.  Teresa.  The  remarks  of 

\irm>  &o-’ are  eice6dingi7  ™iuawe- 


PREFACE. 


33 


Bartholomew,*  her  individual  companion,  was  exceedingly 
troubled,  that  in  so  great  a  necessity  she  could  afford  the 
holy  mother  no  better  help.  But  she  comforted  her,  saying, 
1  Do  not  afflict  yourself,  daughter  ;  these  figs  are  very  good, 
and  many  poor  people  have  not  such.’ 

“  The  next  day  on  entering  another  town,  they  met  with 
nothing  but  boiled  herbs  and  onions,  to  make  amends  for  the 
meanness  of  their  dinner  the  day  before  ;  yet,  with  these  she 
stayed  her  appetite  as  veil  as  she  could,  though  such  food 
was  bad  for  her  health. 

u  lhe  same  night,  being  the  Vigil  of  St.  Matthew,  she  was 
brought  to  Alva.  She  was  then  so  spent  and  sick,  that  when 
she  came  into  the  house  she  was  persuaded  to  go  to  bed,  and 
take  a  little  rest.  The  next  morning,  however,  she  got  up, 
and  went  to  the  church  to  hear  mass,  where,  with  great  fervor 
of  soul  and  extraordinary  devotion,  she  received  the  Blessed 
Sacrament.  She  continued,  sometimes  better  and  sometimes 
worse,  till  the  Feast  of  St.  Michael  the  Archangel ;  on  which 
day,  after  hearing  mass  and  communicating,  (which  was  now 
her  daily  practice,)  she  took  to  her  bed  and  never  rose  from 
it  again. 

“  The  three  days  before  her  decease  she  spent  in  earnest 
prayer  and  devout  supplications  to  God  ;  and  in  the  morning 
she  called  for  F.  Anthony  of  Jesus  to  hear  her  confession. 
It  is  believed  that  our  Lord  had  then  revealed  to  her  the 
hour  of  her  death,  for  some  of  the  nuns  heard  F.  Anthony 
tell  her,  to  entreat  our  Lord  not  to  take  her  away  so  soon. 
To  whom  the  holy  mother  replied,  6  That  she  seemed  to  be 
no  longer  useful  in  the  wTorld.’  After  this,  she  began  to  give 
many  excellent  instructions  to  her  daughters,  saying  :  ‘  I  be¬ 
seech  you,  my  dear  daughters,  to  observe  the  constitutions 
and  rules  very  exactly  5  and  I  likewise  beg  of  you,  not  to 


*  This  holy  servant,  when  very  young,  was  one  of  the  first  who  took  the 
habit  in  St.  Teresa’s  convent  of  St.  Joseph,  at  Avila,  of  which  city  she 
was  a  native.  Her  eminent  spirit  of  humilty  and  prayer  endeared 
her,  in  a  particular  manner,  to  St.  Teresa.  After  the  saint  had  expired 
in  her  arms,  she  was  sent  into  France,  with  Anne  of  Jesus,  and  was  ap¬ 
pointed,  by  Cardinal  Berulle,  prioress  of  a  convent  founded  at  Pontoise. 
She  died  at  Antwerp,  in  1626.  (Note  of  Alban  Butler.) 


34 


PREFACE 


regard  the  bad  example  which  such  a  sinner  as  I  have  given 
you  ;  but,  in  whatever  I  have  offended,  I  desire  you  will 
forgive  me.’  So  overpowered  were  the  sisters  with  grief, 
that  not  one  could  answer  a  word. 

“  At  five,  in  the  evening,  she  asked  for  the  holy  viaticum. 
As  soon  as  the  sacred  pledge  of  our  redemption  was 
brought  into  her  room,  though  just  before  she  was  so  ex¬ 
hausted  and  oppressed  with  pain,  that  she  could  neither  move 
in  her  bed,  nor  turn  from  one  side  to  the  other,  except  by  the 
help  of  the  sisters  ;  yet  now  she  raised  herself  up  in  the  bed 
with  such  vigor  and  ease,  as  if  nothing  were  the  matter ; 
her  face  shone  with  unusual*  beauty,  and  darted  forth  rays 
of  light,  looking  much  younger  than  she  really  was  ;  then, 
with  a  venerable  look  of  majesty,  closing  her  hands,  she  be¬ 
gan  to  utter  out  of  the  abundance  of  her  blessed  heart, 
certain  sweet  and  amorous  expressions  ;  among  the  rest  were 
these  :  ‘  0  my  Lord  and  my  Spouse  !  the  desired  hour  I  have 
so  long  wished  for  is  now  come.  Now  the  time  is  come  when 
we  shall  see  each  other.  It  is  now  time,  0  Lord !  for  me  to 
depart;  happy  and  prosperous  may  the  'journey  prove  ;  Thy 
will  be  done.  The  hour  is  come  at  last,  when  I  shall  pass 
out  of  this  exile,  and  my  soul  shall  enjoy,  in  Thy  company, 
that  which  she  hath  so  much  longed  for.’  She  also  gave 
thanks  to  our  Lord  for  His  goodness  in  having  made  her  a 
child  of  the  Church,  and  given  her  the  grace  to  die  in  its 
bosom  :  she  often  repeated  those  words  :  6  At  last,  0  Lord  ! 
I  am  a  daughter  of  the  Church.’  With  great  humility  and 
compunction  of  heart,  she  begged  of  our  Lord  the  pardon  of 
all  her  sins,  hoping,  as  she  often  said,  for  eternal  salvation 
by  the  merits  of  Jesus  Christ,  humbly  entreating  her  daugh¬ 
ters  to  beg  this  of  our  Lord  for  her.  She  often  repeated 
these  words  :  ‘  A  sacrifice  to  God  is  an  afflicted  spirit.  A 
contrite  and  humbled  heart,  0  God,  thou  wilt  not  despise. 
Cast  me  not  away  from  thy  face,  and  take  not  thy  Holy 
Spirit  from  me  :  create  a  clean  heart  in  me,  0  God,’  &c. 

‘  A  contrite  and  humbled  heart,  0  God,  thou  wilt  not  despise,’ 
was  frequently  in  her  mouth,  till  her  speech  failed  her. 

“  At  nine  o’clock  the  same  evening,  she  received,  with  great 
reverence  and  devotion,  the  Sacrament  of  Extreme  Unction, 


PREFACE. 


35 


joining  with  the  nuns  in  the  penitential  Psalms  and  the  Litany. 
F.  Anthony  asked  her  a  little  after,  if  she  wished  her  body, 
after  her  death,  to  be  taken  to  Avila  or  to  remain  at  Alva  ? 
She  seemed  displeased  with  the  question,  and  only  an¬ 
swered,  £  Am  I  to  have  a  will  in  anything  ?  Will  they 
deny  me  here  a  little  earth  for  my  body  V  All  that  night 
she  suffered  excessive  pains.  The  next  day,  at  seven  in  the 
morning,  she  turned  herself  on  one  side,  just  in  the  posture 
and  manner  that  the  blessed  Magdalen  is  commonly  drawn 
by  painters.  Thus  she  remained  for  fourteen  hours,  holding 
a  crucifix  so  firmly  in  her  hands,  that  the  nuns  could  not 
take  it  away  till  after  she  died.  She  continued  in  an  ecstasy, 
with  an  inflamed  countenance  and  great  composure,  like  one 
wholly  taken  up  with  internal  contemplation.  When  she  was 
now  drawing  near  her  end,  one  of  the  nuns,  viewing  her  more 
attentively,  thought  she  observed  in  her  certain  signs  of  our 
Saviour  talking  to  her,  and  showing  her  some  wonderful 
things. 

“  Thus  she  remained  till  nine  in  the  evening,  when  she  sur¬ 
rendered  her  pure  soul  into  the  hands  of  her  Creator.  She 
died  in  the  arms  of  Sister  Anne  of  St.  Bartholomew,  on  the 
4th  of  October,  1582;  but  the  next  day,  on  account  of  the 
reformation  of  the  calendar,  was  the  fifteenth  of  that  month, 
the  day  now  appointed  for  her  festival.  The  Saint  was  sixty- 
seven  years  old,  forty-seven  of  which  she  had  passed  in  re¬ 
ligion  ;  twenty-  seven  in  the  monastery  of  the  Incarnation, 
and  twenty  in  that  of  St.  Joseph.” 

At  the  moment  that  the  Saint  expired,  several  of  the  nuns 
saw  many  wonderful  signs  of  her  happiness  and  glory ;  a 
globe  of  light  raising  itself  in  the  air  ;  a  dove  mounting  to¬ 
wards  heaven  from  the  room  where  the  Saint  expired,  &c. 
A  nun,  who  had  charge  of  the  infirmary,  while  sitting  at  a 
window  of  the  room  where  the  Saint  lay,  heard  a  confused 
kind  of  noise,  as  of  a  multitude  rejoicing ;  and  soon  after, 
she  saw  a  great  multitude  of  persons,  all  in  white,  glittering 
with  a  wonderful  splendor;  entering  the  room  where  the 
holy  mother  reposed,  they  surrounded  her  bed,  as  if  they 
had  come  to  accompany  her  to  heaven.  A  most  agreeable 
odor  filled  the  whole  house.  The  countenance  of  the  Saint 


36 


PREFACE. 

looked  most  beautiful  and  heavenly,  not  a  wrinkle  was  to 
be  seen  on  it.*  These,  and  many  other  things,  are  attested 
in  the  Bull  of  her  canonization.  The  Saint’s  body  was 
honorably  buried  at  Alva.  On  the  4th  day  of  July,  1583,  nine 
months  after  her  death,  the  coffin  was  opened,  and  the  body 
was  found  to  be  as  perfect  and  incorrupt  as  if  it  had  but 
lately  been  buried.  The  scent  from  the  body  was  wonder¬ 
fully  sweet.  Before  the  body  was  enclosed  in  a  new  coffin, 
the  Father  Provincial  took  off  the  left  hand,  which  he  after¬ 
wards  carried  to  Lisbon,  for  a  monastery  of  discalced  nuns 
lately  founded  there.  In  1585,  by  a  decree  of  the  Pro¬ 
vincial  Chapter  of  the  Order,  held  at  Pastrana,  the  body 
was  -secretly  removed  to  Avila.  The  body  was  then  ex¬ 
amined  again,  and  found  in  the  same  state  as  before,  incorrupt, 
and  sending  forth  a  very  sweet  odor.  But  in  1586,  the 
Duke  of  Alva,  being  quite  angry  at  the  removal  of  the  Saint’s 
body,  obtained  leave  of  the  Pope  to  have  it  translated  back 
again  to  Alva,  which  was  accordingly  done,  with  great  honor 
and  reverence ;  and  there  it  remains,  incorrupt,  at  the  present 
day.  More  particulars  may  be  seen  in  Ribera,  (lib.  v.,)  and 
also  in  the  Bollandists,  (Oct.  15.)  I  should  have  mentioned, 
that  the  heart  of  St.  Teresa,  (as  it  is  credibly  believed,  and 
can  be  proved,)  was  miraculously  transfixed.  The  Church 
alludes  to  this  wonderful  fact  in  the  hymn  appointed  for  her 
festival :  it  is  also  mentioned  in  the  Acts  of  her  canonization, 
and  by  Benedict  XIY.  The  Carmelites  in  Spain  say  the 
office  of  the  Transfixion  at  the  present  day. 

Many  relics  of  the  Saint  are  to  be  found  in  several  parts 
of  Europe.  Her  right  foot  is  at  Rome ;  a  middle  finger  at 
Paris  ;  one  of  the  shoulder-bones  at  Brussels  ;  and  in  Milan 
and  Venice  are  some  of  her  teeth.  In  Naples,  her  scapular 
is  preserved ;  and  at  Paris  her  mantle.  The  two  fervent 
communities  of  Teresians  in  England,  and  some  of  the  houses 
in  Ireland,  also  possess  some  valuable  relics  of  their  glorious 
mother. 

*  (See  Ribera’s  Life  of  St.  Teresa,  in  the  Bollandists,  lib.  iii.;  also 
Yepez,  lib.  ii.  cap.  xxxviii.  Villefore  likewise  gives  the  same  account  of 
St.  Teresa’s  death,  lib.  v.) 


PR  EP  ACE. 


'  37 

The  original  manuscript  of  the  Saint’s  Life,  together  with 
her  “  Way  of  Perfection,  the  Foundations,  and  the  Manner 
of  visiting  Convents,”  are  still  carefully  preserved  in  the 
royal  library  of  the  Escurial. 

The  different  Spanish  editions  of  the  Saint’s  works  which 
have  appeared,  and  the  translations  which  have  been  made, 
into  various  languages,  sufficiently  prove  the  high  estimation 
the  world  has  formed  of  the  Saint’s  writings.  To  enumerate 
all  the  different  editions  is  unnecessary.  In  Spanish,  the 
following  are  the  principal  ones:  Eborse,  1583  ;  Salamanca, 
1588 ;  .Naples,  1594;  Madrid,  1597,  1611,  1615,  1622, 
1627,  1635,  1636,  1661,  1662,  1670,  1678,  1752,  1778, 
1793,  Brussels,  1610,  1612,  1674,  1675,  1684,  1740; 
Antwerp,  1630,  1649,  1661. 

Francisco  Bordini,  a  disciple  of  St.  Philip  Neri,  translated 
St.  Teresa’s  Life  into  Italian,  in  1601.*  I  believe  there  is 
another  Italian  translation,  but  I  have  not  seen  it.  An  edi¬ 
tion  of  the  “  Foundations”  was  published  in  Rome,  1622  ; 
and  at  Venice  in  1636.  Her  Life  has  also  been  translated 
into  German,  Latin,  and  French.  Arnauld  d’Andilly’s 
translation  was  first  published  in  Paris,  in  1670 ;  and  since 
then  there  have  been  several  editions,  one  at  Brussels,  in 
1839,  and  the  last  in  1840,  published  by  the  Abbe  Migne, 
who  deserves  much  praise  for  his  noble  exertions  in  the 
cause  of  religion  and  literature.  D’Andilly’s  translation  is, 
on  the  whole,  not  very  faithful,  for  here  and  there  several 
passages  might  have  been  translated  more  accurately.  But 
the  reader  must  be  on  his  guard  in  reading  his  translation, 
for  as  D’Andilly  was  a  Jansenist,  he  tries  to  misrepresent 
what  St.  Teresa  says  in  several  places.  I  am  not  acquainted 
with  any  other  translation  of  her  “  Life”  into  French, 
though  several  of  her  other  works,  including  her  admirable 
Letters,  have  been  translated  at  different  times. 

Several  eminent  persons  have  written  u  Histories”  of  her 
Life.  Among  these,  the  first  that  deserves  to  be  mentioned 
is  F.  Ribera,  so  well  known  by  his  Commentaries  on  the 

*  There  is  also  an  Italian  translation,  entitled  “  Opere  Spirituali  della 
Santa  Madra  Teresa  di  Giesil,”  (in  2  vols.,  Venice,  1690).  Another  trans¬ 
lation  was  published  at  Turin ,  in  6  vols.,  12mo.  1830-40. 

4 


38 


PREFACE. 


Holy  Scripture.  He  was  born  in  1537.  Having  commenced 
his  studies  at  Salamanca,  be  was  afterwards  made  one  of  the 
Professors  in  the  Archiepiscopal  College  of  Toledo ;  but, 
after  a  few  years,  he  resigned  this  office,  and  entered  the 
Society  of  Jesus.  He  made  his  noviciate  under  P.  Baltha¬ 
sar  Alvarez.  After  leading  a  most  virtuous  and  edifying- 
life,  he  died  at  Salamanca,  in  1591.  So  great  was  his  hu¬ 
mility,  that  his  superiors  were  obliged  to  command  him  to 
publish  his  Commentaries  on  the  Holy  Scripture.*  He  pub¬ 
lished  all  his  works  in  Latin,  except  his  “  Life  of  St.  Teresa,” 
which  he  wrote  in  Spanish,  and  which  was  published  at  Sala¬ 
manca,  in  1590.  It  has  been  translated  into  Latin,  under 
the  following  title  :  “  A  ita  S.  Matris  Teresiae  de  Jesu,  auc- 
tore  R.  P.  I  rancisco  Ribera ;  ex  Hispanico  sermone  in  Lati- 
nuni  convertebat  Mathias  Martinez Colonics  ji^vippincR^ 
1620.  1  his  translation  is  a  very  good  one.  The  Bollandists 
have  republished  it  at  the  end  of  their  magnificent  volume 
(page  538).  In  1645,  Ribera’s  Life  of  St.  Teresa  was  pub¬ 
lished  in  Irench,  by  Pere  de  Bretigny,  who  was  assisted  by 
D.  Duchevre,  with  this  title  :  “  La  Vie  de  la  Mere  Terese 
de  Jesus,  composee  par  le  R.  P.  Francois  Ribera,  traduite 
d’Espagnol  en  Franyais  par  J.  D.  B.  P.  et  le  P.  G.  C.  C.” 
The  style  is  very  antiquated.  With  regard  to  Ribera’s  Life, 
as  he  was  St.  Teresa’s  confessor  whenever  she  came  to  Sala¬ 
manca,  he  must  have  had  abundant  means  and  opportunities 
of  learning  many  valuable  particulars  about  the  Saint’s  Life. 
These  he  relates  with  great  fidelity  and  unction,  though  the 
thread  of  his  narration  is  often  interrupted  by  pious  reflec¬ 
tions,  and  by  a  want  of  order  and  method ;  still  the  “  Life” 
is  exceedingly  valuable  and  interesting. 

The  next  writer  after  Ribera,  is  Diego  de  Yepez,  of  the 
Order  of  the  Hieronymites,  and  Bishop  of  Tarassona,  in 
Aragon,  and  confessor  to  St.  Teresa  and  King  Philip  II.  of 
Spain.  .  Having  the  advantage  of  the  labors  of  Ribera,  and 
possessing  the  happiness  of  being  an  intimate  friend  of  St. 
Teresa,  he  was  enabled  tx>  furnish  us  with  more  valuable 

*  These  consist  of  Commentaries  on  the  twelve  minor  Prophets:  on 
bt.  I  aul  s  Epistle  to  the  Hebrews;  on  the  Apocalypse,  and  the  Gospel  of 


PREFACE. 


39 


details  than  his  predecessor.  The  style  is  somewhat  diffuse, 
hut  the  Life  is  written  with  more  order  and  judgment  than 
that  of  Ribera.  Yepez  dedicated  his  work  to  Pope  Paul 
Y.  It  was  first  published  in  Salamanca,  in  1606,  with  this 
title  :  “  Yida,  Virtudes,  y  Milagros  de  la  B.  Yirgen  Teresa 
de  Jesus.”  Several  other  editions  have  been  published  in 
Spanish.  The  Life  has  also  been  translated  into  Italian  and 
French;  into  the  former,  by  Cesare  Braccini  ( Rome ,  1623  ; 
and  Milan,.  1628).  Giuseppe  de  Castro  published  a  new 
and  more  correct  translation  in  1733,  at  Rimini.  In  1643, 
P.  Cyprien  de  la  Nativite  published  a  French  translation. 
The  style  is  not  at  all  pleasing.  The  Venerable  Johannes  a 
Jesu-Maria  published  a  short  but  admirable  epitome  ot  the 
Saint’s  Life  in  Latin,  with  this  title  :  6(  Compendium  Vitae 
B.  Y.  Teresiae  a  Jesu,  Fundatricis  Fratrum  Discalceatorum 
et  Monialium  Beatissimae  Yirginis  Mariae  de  Monte  Car- 
melo”  ( Romce ,  1609). 

Several  Lives  of  the  Saint  have  appeared  in  French.  P. 
Francois  de  Sainte-Marie  wrote  a  General  History  of  the 
Carmelite  Order,  in  Spanish,  and  this  was  translated  into 
French  by  Gabriel  de  la  Croix  (Paris,  1655).  But  the  two 
other  histories  of  the  Saint’s  Life  are  those  by  Villefore  and 
the  Abbe  Boucher.  The  former  appeared  in  1712,  and  is 
entitled,  “  La  Vie  de  Sainte  Terese,  tiree  des  Auteurs  ori- 
ginaux  Espagnols  et  jdes  Historiens  contemporains ;  avee  des 
Lettres  choisies  pour  servir  d’eclaircissements  a  l’Histoire 
de  sa  Vie.”  The  Abbe  Migne  has  prefixed  this  Life  to  his 
edition  of  the  works  of  St.  Teresa.  The  Life  is  correctly 
written,  as  far  as  I  can  judge,  though  it  would  have  added 
to  the  value  of  the  work,  had  the  writer  quoted  his  authori¬ 
ties.  There  are  a  few  mistakes  in  the  chronology  of  the 
Saint’s  Foundations ;  and  many  have  also  complained  that 
the  author  is  too  cold  when  speaking  of  her  heroic  deeds. 
Boucher  published  his  Life  of  the  Saint  in  1810,  iC  Vie  de 
Sainte  Therese,  avec  des  Notes  historiques,  critiques,  et 
morales.”  I  have  not  seen  the  work,  and  cannot  therefore 
pronounce  any  opinion  on  its  merits.  The  Saint’s  Letters 
have  been  translated  into  French  by  two  different  individuals ; 
one  is  M.  Francis  Pelicot  (Anvers,  1707),  the  other  is  M. 


40 


preface. 

elegant  ’^fa‘™>  which  is  the  most 

include  all  the  Saint’s  le»I!  But  as  ft  did  not 

1748,  translated  by  the  Rev’  MoB?0”' x,yo!u“e  aPPeared  m 
Morpeou,  Superioress  of  th  ■  p  0t,ber  4Iane  Marguerite  de 
she  died  in  ^^^  ^  he  Carniel.te  Convent  of  St.  Denis; 

1  Should  have  mentioned  Zi thU  ?  ex,cee.din^>'  we|l  done, 
is  enriched  with  the  valuabt  “  ll"?  of  M-  Pelicot 
trious  Bishop  of  Osina.  b  tCS  °f  Palafox>  ‘he  illus- 

m  English.  One  by  the  ilbif  •  haVe  been  Polished 
Mathews,*  whose  edition  T°bie 

tions,  though  I  tliinlr  lira  :  *  •  -  i  1  ^  b—o,  Rs  Dodd  men- 

published  at  Antwerp  and ’  f°P  tJhe  transIation  was 
There  may  have  been  two  v  bears^he  date  of  1642. 
Flaming  Hart  or  the  Tifl  r  Ti|e  title  is  «  The 

name  is  attached.  °  10  ®  orlous  St.  Teresa.”  No 

Abraham  Woodhead  +  ' ^Tht^11  l’S  !>Y  **!?  P'°us  and  learned 

StSTS?  iiSVS  I676'  ^Syrs 

raptures  of  the  Saint  from  t]  ’  lln(^lcating  the  visions  and 
The  merits  of  both  the  translaf  aCkS  °**  ■Protestant  writers, 
and  fidelity,  are  I  think  T  !  5  as  re£ards  correctness 

“ast;  4  “5”S  teS  -  T~- 

rents,  and  such  as  live  in  <>,„  e  “ayi"S  °f  vertuous  pa- 
those  favors  which  I  received  toSether  with 

been  able  to  have  made  nm  good  ^'"hfd'Tt  W 

"y  i“r.c  wi” 

“SK  ?■!■"*»  toCJTi j 1 

Tohe  Mat /lews’  The  having  of  vertuous  parents, 

t  See  App en dixfVtf.  2™  aUth°r  in  th®  APPend^  No.  1. 


PREFACE. 


41 


and  such  as  live  in  the  fear  of  Almighty  God,  together  with 
those  favors  which  I  have  received  from  His  Divine  Majesty, 
had  been  able  to  have  made  me  good,  if  I  had  not  been  so 
very  wicked.  My  father  was  delighted  in  reading  good 
bookes,  and  used  to  have  them  in  Spanish,  that  so  his  chil¬ 
dren  might  also  read  them,”  &c.  (Chap  i.) 

Let  us  take  the  commencement  of  the  second  Chapter 
from  Woodhead  : — “  I  believe  that  a  certain  thing,  whereof 
I  will  now  give  account,  began  to  do  me  a  great  deal  of  hurt. 
I  consider  sometimes  how  ill  those  parents  do  who  procure 
not  that  their  children  should  be  ever  seeing  examples  of 
vertue,  in  all  kinds  from  them,”  &c. 

Sir  Tobie  Mathews  has  almost  the  same  words  : — “  I  be¬ 
lieve  that  a  certain  thing,  whereof  I  will  now  give  account, 
beganne  to  doe  me  a  great  deall  of  hurt.  Sometimes  I 
grow  to  consider  how  ill  those  parents  doe,  who  procure  not 
that  their  children  should  be  ever  seeing  examples  of  vertue 
in  all  kindes,”  &c. 

I  might  give  many  other  passages,  and  compare  them  to¬ 
gether,  which  would  show  a  striking  similarity  of  expression 
throughout,  making  allowance,  of  course,  for  a  difference  in 
orthography,  considering  that  Sir  Tobie’s  translation  ap¬ 
peared  several  years  before  that  of  Mr.  Woodhead,  wThich  is 
much  more  English  and  readable  than  Sir  Tobie’s.  But  in 
both  the  punctuation  is  exceedingly  bad.  However,  as  both 
the  Translations  are  on  the  whole  very  faithful,  I  found  it 
useful  to  have  them  by  me,  and  compare  and  correct  my 
translation  (as  I  sometimes  did)  with  theirs. 

In  1757,  the  Venerable  Bishop  Challoner  published  an 
Epitome  of  Woodhead’s  translation,  which  is  very  useful  for 
those  who  cannot  obtain  a  copy  of  Woodhead  or  Sir  Tobie’s 
translation,  both  of  which  are  now  very  scarce.  Bishop 
Challoner,  in  his  Preface,  pays  the  following  very  deserved 
tribute  of  praise  to  Mr.  Woodhead  : — “  The  life  of  the  holy 
Mother  Teresa  of  Jesus,  was  published  in  our  language  anno 
1671,  by  that  truly  learned  and  pious  convert,  Mr.  Abraham 
Woodhead,  some  time  fellow  of  University  College  in  Oxford, 
a  person  justly  esteemed,  even  by  the  adversaries  of  his 
religion,  for  one  of  the  greatest  men  that  this  famous  uni- 
4* 


42 


PREFACE. 


versity  ever  produced.  As  he  was  not  only  master  of  the 
Spanish,  but  withal  scrupulously  nice  in  not  departing  from 
the  sense  or  the  phrase  of  the  original,  his  translation  may 
be  relied  on  as  most  faithful,”  &c. 

With  regard  to  the  present  translation,  it  is  not  my  place 
to  pronounce  any  opinion  upon  its  merits.  All  I  can  say  is, 
that  though  I  have  endeavored  to  adhere  to  the  original  to 
the  best  of  my  power,  and  to  preserve  the  beautiful  simpli¬ 
city  of  the  Saint’s  style,  yet  we  all  know  how  much  inferior 
even  the  best  translations  must  be  to  the  original.  But 
there  is  a  difficulty  about  St.  Teresa’s  Life  which  few  other 
works  present ;  and  that  is,  the  sublimity  of  the  subjects  on 
which  she  speaks  :  and  this  is  especially  the  case  in  that 
part  of  the  Life  which  treats  of  the  prayer  of  Quiet  and  of 
Union.  And  if  it  be  very  difficult  for  the  <£  unexperienced” 
to  understand  what  the  Saint  says  on  that  sublime  subject, 
how  much  more  difficult  must  it  be  to  translate  her  thoughts 
and  lofty  words  into  another  language.  Here  I  am  afraid  I 
have  failed  ;  I  must  have  made  many  mistakes — many  mis¬ 
translations — many  errors.  In  whatever  way  I  may  have 
done  injustice  to  the  Saint’s  Life,  I  humbly  beg  the  kind 
indulgence  of  the  reader.  I  shall  be  exceedingly  grateful 
to  any  one  who  will  point  out  the  mistakes  to  me,  and  what¬ 
ever  else  may  require  correction.  Still,  with  all  its  faults 
and  imperfections,  I  trust  the  reader  will  derive  no  little 
profit  and  delight  from  the  perusal  of  a  work,  which,  next 
to  the  “  Confessions”  of  St.  Augustine,  is  the  most  excellent 
and  edifying  Biography  of  a  saint  that  we  possess.  The 
labor  of  translating  it  has  indeed  been  great,  interrupted, 
too,  as  it  was  very  frequently,  by  my  missionary  duties, 
which  required  my  chief  attention.  Still  the  labor  has  been 
abundantly  repaid  by  the  pleasure  I  have  experienced  in 
translating  the  words  of  so  glorious  a  saint,  and  by  the  edifi¬ 
cation  I  have  received  in  beholding  her  heroic  virtues,  and 
the  bright  example  she  still  gives  us  all  of  humility,  morti¬ 
fication,  self-denial,  obedience,  purity,  and  the  most  ardent 
love  of  God,  &c.  I  cannot  conclude  this  imperfect  Preface 
in  any  better  way,  than  in  the  words  of  one  who  loved  St. 
Teresa  most  tenderly  and  affectionately  : — <£  Et  tu,  demon- 


preface* 


48 


tissima  Virgo  Teresia,  fave,  obsecro,  huic  scnpton  tuo,  qui 
millenos  calamos,  ut  heroica  gesta  tua  oelebret  eseroere  cu- 
pit  Modicum  est  saue,  nobilissima  Virgo,  quod  extuli: 
nimium  parce  scripsi :  at,  quidquid  molm  possum,  exiguum 
est  ....  Per  illud  ergo  immensi  amons  mcendium,  quo 
in  dulcissimum  Deum  deflagrasti,  obsecro  te,  filio  tuo  manum 
porrigas,  et  ad  optatissiman  urbem  Hierusalem  aeterna  liber- 

tate  donandum  recta  perducas.’  .  , 

I  cannot  but  express  the  great  obligations  I  am  under  o 
the  Superioress  of  Mount  Carmel  and  the  Teresian  convent 
at  Llanberne,  for  their  extreme  kindness  in  lending  me  many 
valuable  works  connected  with  the  Saint’s  life ;  also  to  the 
Rev.  Claudio  Lopez,  late  of  Yarmouth,  for  his  kindness  in 
explaining  several  difficult  and  obsolete  Spanish  words :  to 
the  Very  Rev.  Dr.  Moore,  of  St.  Mary’s,  Handsworth,  for 
lending  me  the  Antwerp  editionf  of  the  Saint’s  work  (3  vols. 
Spanish,  1649) ;  to  W.  Archer,  Esq.,  for  the  loan  of  the 
last  volume  of  the  Bollandists,  which  contains  everything 
that  is  known  about  St.  Teresa ;  and  lastly,  I  return  many 
thanks  both  to  Bishop  Wareing  and  Bishop  Ullathorne,  tor 
having  given  me  their  kind  encouragement  to  proceed  with 
the  translation.  To  Bishop  Ullathorne  I  am  indebted  for 
the  loan  of  Mr.  Woodhead’s  translation,  now  very  scarce. 

I  have  annexed,  in  the  Appendix  (No.  3),  the  Bull  of  the 
Saint’s  canonization,  by  Pope  Gregory  XV.,  m  1622.  1 

have  likewise  added  (No.  4)  the  Saint’s  celebrated  Hymn, 
both  in  Spanish  and  in  French,  which  she  composed  extem¬ 
pore  in  one  of  her  raptures,  together  with  an  excellent  Eng¬ 
lish  translation,  by  the  Rev.  Father  Caswall ;  and  also  (Ap¬ 
pendix  No.  6)  the  letter  which  St.  Teresa  wrote  to  her  con¬ 
fessor,  when  she  sent  him  a  copy  of  her  Life. 


Bishop’s  House,  Northamton, 
Feast  of  St,  Teresa ,  1851. 


JOHN  DALTON. 


*  «  Compendium  Vitae  B.  V.  Teresiae  &  Jesu,”  per  Fr.  Joan.  &  Jesu. 

( Romse y  1609.)  ,,  ,  . 

f  This,  however,  is  not  the  best.  I  was  unable  to  procure  the  last 

edition. 


PREFACE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


I  would  have  wished,  that  as  my  Superiors  commanded 
me,  and  gave  me  full  liberty  to  describe  the  method  of 
prayer,  and  the  favors  which  our  Lord  had  bestowed  upon 
me,  they  had  also  permitted  me  to  mention,  clearly  and  in 
detail,  my  great  sins  and  wicked  life.  This  would  have 
given  me  great  consolation ;  but  they  would  not  allow  me  ; 
rather  they  restrained  me  in  this  particular ;  and  therefore  I 
beg,  for  the  love  of  our  Lord,  that  whoever  shall  read  this 
discourse  of  my  Life,  will  notice  how  very  wicked  it  has 
been  ;  so  much  so,  that  I  have  not  found  any  saint,  amongst 
all  those  who  have  been  converted  to  God,  from  whose  ex¬ 
ample  I  might  draw  consolation.  For  I  consider,  that  after 
our  Lord  had  called  them  to  virtue  they  no  more  offended 
Him :  whereas,  I  not  only  became  worse,  but  rather,  it  seems 
to  me,  I  even  studied  to  resist  the  favors  His  divine  Majesty 
had  bestowed  upon  me  :  and  though  I  was  one  who  saw  her¬ 
self  obliged  to  serve  Him  the  more,  yet  I  was  convinced 
within  myself  I  was  unable  to  make  any  return,  for  the  least 
part  of  what  I  owed  Him. 

May  He  be  blessed  forever,  who  waited  for  me  so  long.  I 
beseech  Him,  with  my  whole  heart,  to  give  me  grace,  that 
I  may,  with  all  clearness  and  truth,  make  this  relation  which 
my  Confessors  have  commanded  me  (and  which  I  know  even 
our  Lord  Himself  has  long  desired ;  but  I  could  not  dare  to 
venture  upon  it) :  I  hope  that  now  it  may  tend  to  the  glory 

(45) 


46 


PREFACE. 


and  praise  of  His  Majesty ;  and  also  that  my  Confessors, 
aung  ereby  a  clearer  knowledge  of  me,  may  henceforth 
assist  my  weakness,  that  so  I  may  be  able  to  repay  some 

ittle  portion  of  what  I  owe  to  our  Lord,  whom  may  all  crea- 
tures  praise  forever.  Amen. 

TERESA  DE  JESU. 


THE 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


CHAPTER  I. 

THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  HOW  OUR  LORD  BEGAN  TO  EXCITE  HER  SOUL,  IN 

HER  CHILDHOOD,  TO  VIRTUOUS  ACTIONS,  AND  WHAT  GREAT  HELP 

HER  PIOUS  PARENTS  WERE  TO  HER. 

As  I  had  virtuous  parents,  and  such  as  feared  Grod,  this 
would  have  been  sufficient,  together  with  the  other  favors 
our  Lord  bestowed  upon  me,  to  have  made  me  good,  if  I  had 
not  been  so  wicked.  My  father  took  great  delight  in  read¬ 
ing  good  books,  and  he  had  them  in  Spanish,  that  his 
children  might  be  able  to  read  them.  This  circumstance, 
together  with  the  care  my  mother  took  to  make  us  say 
our  prayers,  and  to  show  us  the  way  of  being  devout  to  our 
Lady  and  some  other  saints,  began  to  affect  me  when  I  was 
about  six  or  seven  years  old,  to  the  best  of  my  remembrance. 
I  was  also  assisted  by  observing,  I  should  receive  no  favors 
from  my  parents,  except  I  was  virtuous,  and  they  were  very 
virtuous  themselves.  My  father  was  exceedingly  charitable 
towards  the  poor,  and  kind  to  the  sick  and  infirm :  and  even 
to  his  servants  he  was  so  considerate,  that  he  never  could 
prevail  on  himself  to  keep  any  slaves,  because  his  kindness 
was  so  great.  Once  there  was  a  slave  in  his  house  who  be¬ 
longed  to  a  brother  of  his,  and  he  treated  him  as  if  one  of 
his  own  sons,  and  said  he  could  not  bear  to  see  such,  unless 
they  were  free — such  was  his  compassion.  He  was  a  great 
lover  of  truth  ;  never  did  any  one  hear  him  swear,  or  detract ; 
he  was  also  exceedingly  chaste.  My  mother  likewise  had 
many  virtues,  and  she  passed  through  life  under  great  infir¬ 
mities.  Her  purity  was  beyond  all  praise ;  for  though  she 
was  very  beautiful,  no  one  ever  heard  she  gave  any  occasion 
to  the  least  suspicion,  or  that  she  made  any  account  of  her 


48 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


beauty ;  and  when  she  died,  at  three-and-thirty  years  of 
her  conduct  was  such  as  would  become  a  much  older 
person.  Her  disposition  was  very  sweet,  and  her  under¬ 
standing  very  solid.  The  afflictions  she  had  to  endure  all 
her  life  were  numerous ;  when  she  died  she  made  a  most 
Christian  end. 

There  were  three  sisters  and  nine  brothers ;  all  (through 
the  goodness  of  God)  resembled  our  parents  in  being  virtuous 
except  myself,  though  my  father  loved  me  the  most  ,  and 
truly,  before  I  began  to  offend  God,  he  seemed' to  have  had 
some  reason ;  for  I  am  grieved  when  I  remember  the  good 
inclinations  our  Lord  had  given  me,  and  the  little  I  knew 
how  to  make  a  good  use  of  them.  My  brothers,  too,  in  no 
way  prevented  me  from  serving  God. 

One  of  them  was  about  the  same  age  as  myself,  and  I 
loved  him  more  than  all  the  rest  j  though,  at  the  same  time, 
I  loved  them  all  very  tenderly,  and  they  loved  me ;  myself 
and  my  brother  joined  together  in  reading  the  Lives  of  the 
Saints.  When  I  saw  the  martyrdoms  through  which  many 
had  passed,  for  the  love  of  God,  I  thought  they  had  pur¬ 
chased  very  cheaply,  the  sight  and  enjoyment  of  God  ;  and  I 
myself  felt  a  great  desire  to  die  in  this  manner ;  not ,  how¬ 
ever,  through  the  love  which  I  thought  I  had  for  him,  but 
rather  that  1  might,  by  so  short  a  way,  enjoy  the  possession 
of  those  immense  goods  which  I  had  read  were  to  be  found 
in  heaven.  I,  therefore,  and  my  brother  considered  together, 
what  means  there  were  within  our  reach,  for  attaining  this 
object.  We  agreed  to  go  into  the  country  of  the  Moors, 
and  to  beg  our  way  for  the  love  of  God,  so  that  we  might 
be  put  to  death  there  j  and  it  seems  that  our  Lord  gave  us 
couiage  in  so  tender  an  age,  if  we  could  have  found  any 
means  for  accomplishing  our  object ;  but  our  having  parents 
appeared  to  be  the  greatest  obstacle.  We  were  greatly 
amazed  in  reading,  that  both  the  torments  a.nd  glory  [of  the 
next  life]  were  eternal.  Me  often  spoke  on  this  subject, 
and  we  took  delight  in  often  repeating  these  words  :  s<  for- 

Thesc  words  within  brackets  are  not  in  the  original,  but  have  been 
inserted  to  make  the  sense  more  clear. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


49 


ever,  forever,  forever.”  By  pronouncing  them  over  and 
over  again,  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  imprint  the  way  of  truth 
on  me  in  that  tender  age  ;  and  now,  when  I  saw  it  was  im¬ 
possible  to  go  where  I  might  he  put  to  death  for  God,  my 
brother  and  myself  tried  to  become  hermits,  and  so,  in  a 
garden,  whic£  belonged  to  the  house,  we  endeavored  as  well 
as  we  could  to  erect  hermitages,  and  collected  little  stones 
for  this  purpose,  which,  however,  soon  fell  dowti  when  we 
piled  them  up  ;  and  thus  we  could  find  no  means  of  exe¬ 
cuting  our  desires.  But  now  it  excites  devotion  in  me  when 
I  consider  how  soon  God  gave  me  these  good  desires,  which 
I  afterwards  lost  through  my  own  fault ;  I  gave  alms  as 
well  as  I  could,  though  they  were  but  little.  I  tried  to  he 
alone,  in  order  to  perform  my  devotions,  which  were  many, 
especially  the  Bosary ;  a  devotion  to  which  my  mother  was 
very  much  attached,  and  she  endeavored  to  make  us  love  it 
also.  I  took  great  delight,  when  playing  with  other  chil¬ 
dren,  in  making  monasteries,  as  if  we  had  been  nuns ;  and 
it  seemed  as  if  I  desired  to  be  one,  though  not  so  earnestly 
as  I  did  those  things  of  which  I  have  spoken. 

I  remember  that  when  my  mother  died  I  was  not  quite 
twelve  years  old.  When  I  began  to  understand  what  a  loss 
I  had  sustained,  I  was  greatly  afflicted,  and  I  threw  myself 
before  an  image  of  our  Lady,  beseeching  her,  with  many 
tears,  to  be  a  mother  to  me.  And  though  I  performed  this 
action  in  simplicity,  yet  I  think  I  gained  benefit  from  it,  for 
I  have  clearly  experienced  the  assistance  of  this  sovereign 
Virgin,  whenever  X  recommended  myself  to  her  ;  and,  in  a 
word,  she  has  turned  me  altogether  to  her.  It  grieves  me 
now  to  consider  how  insignificant  those  impediments  were, 
which  prevented  me  from  remaining  constant  and  firm  in 
those  good  desires  which  X  began  [to  have] .  0  my  Lord ! 

since  it  seems  Thou  art  determined  to  save  me  (and  I  be¬ 
seech  thy  Majesty^  that  it  may  be  so),  and  to  show  me  such 
great  favors  as  Thou  hast  already  shown  me  5  wilt  Thou  not 
be  pleased  (not  for  my  interest  but  for  Thy  glory),  that  this 

*  Your  Majesty  is  a  title  frequently  given  by  the  Saint  both  to  God 
iud  our  Saviour.  It  is  also  applied  in  Spain  to  the  Sacred  Host. 

5 


,)U  LTFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

dwelling  in  which  Thou  so  continually  abidest,  may  never 
more  be  defiled  ?  I  am  grieved  even  to  say  so  much  as  this, 
because  I  know  the  fault  was  entirely  my  own,  since  nothing 
vas  wanting  on  Iky  part,  that  I  might  be  wholly  thine  from 
that  age.  And  if  I  should  venture  to  complain  of  my  pa¬ 
rents,  this  would  avail  but  little,  since  I  never  saw  anything 
in  them  but  what  was  good,  and  a  solicitude  for  my  welfare 
also.  Passing  on  from  that  tender  age,  I  began  to  under¬ 
stand  the  gifts  of  nature  which  our  Lord  had  given  me 
(which  were  great,  according  to  what  people  said),  and  in¬ 
stead  of  giving  Him  thanks  for  them,  I  began  to  make  use 
ot  them  all  in  offending  Him,  as  I  shall  now  declare. 


CHAPTER  II. 

SHE  RELATES  HOW  SHE  BEGAN  TO  BE  FONT)  OF  READING  ROMANCES, 

AND  HOW  NECESSARY  IT  IS  FOR  YOUTH  TO  KEEP  GOOD  COMPANY. 

It  seems  to  me  that  a  certain  circumstance,  which  I  will 
now  relate,  began  to  do  me  great  harm.  I  sometimes  con¬ 
sider  what  c\ ll  those  parents  commit,  who  do  not  always 
endeavor  to  show  their  children  every  kind  of  good  example  ; 
for  though  (as  I  have  already  mentioned)  my  mother  was 
very  particular  in  this  respect,  yet,  when  I  arrived  at  the 
use  of  reason,  I  did  not  follow  her  good  example  as  much 
as  I  ought  to  have  done,  and,  indeed,  hardly  at  all ;  while, 
on  the  other  hand,  whatever  was  bad  did  me  much  harm. 
She  was  pai ticularly  fond  of  reading  books  of  romance,* 
though  she  did  not  imbibe  so  much  evil  by  this  entertain¬ 
ment  as  I  did,  because  it  did  not  hinder  her  usual  work,  but 
it  made  us  omit  many  duties,  that  so  we  might  read  these 
books.  And  perhaps  my  mother  read  them,  that  thus  her 
thoughts  might  not  dwell  on  the  great  troubles  she  endured, 
and  her  children  might  so  occupy  themselves  as  not  to  fall 


*  Books  of  knight-errantry  were  very  common  in  Spain  when  St  Te¬ 
resa  lived  They  were  styled  “  Romances/'  because  they  were  written 
in  the  vulgar  language,  then  called  Romancierc.  (See  Alban  Butler’g 
note  on  the  subject,  Oct.  15.) 


LIFE  OF  S  Tv  TERESA. 


51 


into  other  more  dangerous  things.  My  father,*  however, 
was  so  particular  on  this  point,  that  great  care  was  taken 
lest  he  should  know  anything  on  the  subject.  But  I  con¬ 
tinued  in  the  habit  of  reading  these  books,  and  this  slight 
fault  of  mine,  which  I  perceived  in  myself,  began  to  cool  my 
good  desires,  and  was  the  cause  of  my  failing  in  other  things. 
I  fancied,  however,  there  was  no  harm,  though  I  spent  many 
hours,  both  of  the  day  and  night,  in  so  vain  an  exercise,  un¬ 
known  to  my  father.  But  I  was  so  addicted  to. this  habit, 
that  if  I  could  not  obtain  some  new  book,  it  seemed  to  me 
I  could  not  be  happy. 

I  began  also  to  wear  fine  clothes,  and  to  desire  to  appear 
handsome.  I  took  great  care  of  my  hands  and  of  my  hair, 
and  was  fond  of  perfumes,  together  with  all  those  vanities 
which  I  was  able  to  obtain,  which  were  many  ;  for  I  was 
very  curious  in  this  respect.  I  had,  however,  no  bad  inten¬ 
tion,  because  I  would  not  wish  any  one  to  offend  God  on  my 
account. 

This  over-great  nicety  about  finery  and  neatness  con¬ 
tinued  some  time  :  and  hence,  those  things  which  for  many 
years  appeared  to  be  no  sin  whatever,  I  now  see  how  evil  they 
were. 

I  had  certain  cousins-german  who  frequently  came  to  my 
father' s  house  ;  and  these  only  were  admitted,  for  my  father 
was  very  prudent  and  circumspect,  and  would  to  God  he  had 
been  so  in  regard  to  those  likewise,  for  I  now  see  the  danger 
there  is,  in  an  age  when  virtues  are  to  be  planted  in  the  soul, 
to  converse  with  persons  who,  not  knowing  the  vanity  of  the 
world,  are  the  more  inclined  to  excite  others  to  throw  them¬ 
selves  into  it.  They  were  almost  of  the  same  age  as  myself, 
or  rather  a  little  older  ;  we  were  always  together,  they  had 
a  great  affection  for  me,  and  in  all  things  I  gave  them  pleasure. 
I  kept  alive  the  conversation,  and  listened  to  the  success  of 
their  marriage-proposals,  and  such  other  fooleries  that  are 
good  for  nothing;  but  what  is  still  worse,  my  soul  became 
exposed  to  that  which  was  the  cause  of  her  evils.  If  I  could 

*  The  name  of  St.  Teresa's  father  was  Alfonso  Sanchez  Cepe  (la,  and 
that  of  her  mother  Beatrice  Ahumada,  She  was  his  second  wife.  St, 
Teresa  was  born  in  1515, 


52 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


advise  parents,  I  would  entreat  them  to  take  great  care  what 
kind  of  persons ‘their  children  converse  with  at  that  age,  for 
great  mischief  may  thence  arise,  since  our  nature  is  more  in¬ 
clined  to  evil  than  to  good.  Thus  it  happened  to  me. 

I  had  a  sister  much  older  than  myself,  whose  purity  and 
goodness  I  highly  esteemed,  though  I  profited  nothing  by 
them  ;  but  I  received  much  harm  from  a  relation  of  mine, 
who  frequented  the  house.  Her  conversation  was  so  light, 
that  my  mother  did  all  in  her  power  to  prevent  her  coming 
to  the  house,  (she  appeared  to  foresee  the  evil  that  was  to 
come  on  me;)  but  yet,  the  excuses  of  entering  were  so 
plausible,  that  my  mother  could  not  refuse  her.  With  this 
person,  (as  I  have  said,)  I  delighted  to  entertain  myself:  with 
her  I- held  conversations  and  intercourse,  because  she  helped 
me  to  pass  away  the  time  in  everything  I  wished,  and  she 
even  enticed  me  into  them,  and  gave  me  an  account  of  her 
conversations  and  vanities.  Up  to  the  time  when  I  began  to 
be  so  familiar  with  her,  (I  was  then  about  fourteen  years  old, 
and  I  think  a  little  more,)  that  she  made  me  acquainted  with 
all  her  affairs  ;  I  do  not  think  I  had  offended  Almighty  God 
by  any  mortal  sin,*  nor  ever  lost  his  fear,  though  I  dreaded 
more  the  loss  of  my  honor.  This  had  power  over  me,  so  as 
to  prevent  me  from  losing  it  altogether  ;  and  I  think  that  no 
consideration  in  the  world  could  have  made  me  change  my 
resolution,  nor  could  my  love  for  any  person  have  induced 
me  to  give  it  up.  Would  that  I  had  possessed  strength 
enough,  not  to  go  in  opposition  to  the  Divine  honor,  as  even 
my  natural  disposition  disposed  me,  not  to  lose  that  in  which 
(as  I  thought,)  the  honor  of  the  world  consisted,  though  I 
considered  not  I  had  really  lost  it  in  many  other  ways.  For 
vainly  upholding  it  I  used  all  my  exertions,  but  I  took  no 
account  of  the  means  to  preserve  it ;  however,  I  used  great 
diligence  and  circumspection  not  to  lose  it  entirely. 

My  father  and  sister  were  much  troubled  about  this  friend¬ 
ship  I  had  formed,  and  they  reproved  me  for  it  very  often  ; 
but  as  they  were  unable  to  remove  the  occasion  of  her  coming 


*  Bishop  Yepes  expressly  declares,  in  his  Life  of  our  Saint,  that  she 
never  committed  a  mortal  sin.  (Vida  de  Santa  Teresa,  cap.  lii.) 


53 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

to  the  house,  all  their  care  was  of  no  avail,  for  my  quickness 
and  sagacity  in  everything  evil  were  very  great.  I  sometimeg 
am  struck  with  the  evil  bad  company  produces  :  and  if  I  had 
not  experienced  it  myself,  I  could  not  have  believed  it ;  the 
greatest  mischief  arises,  especially  in  youth,  and,  therefore,  I 
wish  that  parents  would  learn  experience  from  me,  that  so 
they  may  consider  this  point  carefully.  The  truth  is,  that 
this  conversing  with  the  person  above  mentioned  produced 
such  a  change  in  me,  that  there  was  now  scarcely  any  sign 
left  in  me  of  my 'former  good  dispositions  ;  and  it  seems  that 
both  she,  and  another  also,  who  indulged  in  the  same  man¬ 
ner  of  amusements,  impressed  their  character  upon  me. 
Hence  it  is  that  I  now  understand  what  a  blessing  good 
company  is ;  and  I  consider  it  quite  certain,  that  if,  in  that 
age,  I  could  have  conversed  with  virtuous  persons,  I  should 
have  preserved  my  virtue  entire  ;  and  also,  if  then  I  had  met 
with  some  one  who  could  have  taught  me  to  fear  God,  my  soul 
would  have  advanced  and  gained  strength  against  falling. 
But  afterwards,  entirely  losing  this  fear,  the  fear  of  losing 
my  honor  alone  remained,  and  this  tormented  me. 

But  thinking  that  such  and  such  things  would  not  be 
known,  I  presumed  to  do  many  actions,  both  against  my 
honor  and  against  God.  In  the  beginning  these  things  did 
me  harm — as  far  as  I  can  judge ;  and  they  happened  not 
through  the  fault  of  others,  but  my  own  fault,  since  after¬ 
wards  my  own  malice  was  sufficient  to  commit  evil,  together 
with  my  servants,  who  were  always  ready  for  every  kind  of 
mischief.  But  if  any  of  them  had  given  me  good  advice,  I 
should  perhaps  have  profited  by  it ;  interest,  however,  blinded 
them,  as  my  affections  blinded  me.  And  though  I  never  was 
much  inclined  to  evil  (for  I  naturally  abhorred  dishonest 
actions,)  yet  I  loved  to  pass  my  time  in  pleasant  conversations  ; 
but  being  placed  in  the  occasion  of  sin,  the  danger  was  near 
at  hand,  and  that  brought  my  father  and  brother  into  it. 
But  God  delivered  me  from  this  danger  in  such  a  manner, 
that  it  seems  clear  He  wished,  even  against  my  will,  to  pre¬ 
serve  me  from  utter  destruction  ;  though  matters  could  not 
be  managed  so  secretly  but  that  my  honor  was  stained  thereby, 
and  suspicions  were  raised  in  my  father’s  mind. 

5* 


54 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


After  I  had  been  living  about  three  months  in  these 
vanities,  I  was  taken  to  a  certain  monastery  in  this  town,* 
where  such  young  persons  like  myself  were  educated,  though 
they  were  not  so  habitually  wicked  as  I  was.  This  removal 
was  done  with  great  discretion  and  caution,  for  only  myself 
and  a  relation  of  mine  knew  of  it.  They  waited  fora  favor¬ 
able  opportunity,  that  so  the  thing  might  not  appear  strange ; 
for  as  my  sister  was  then  lately  married,  it  did  not  seem 
proper  for  me  to  be  at  home  alone  without  a  mother.  The 
love  which  my  father  bore  me  was  so  great,*  (and  so  also  was 
my  dissimulation,)  that  he  could  not  believe  so  much  ill  of 
me,  and  therefore  1  did  not  fall  into  disgrace  with  him.  For 
as  the  time  was  short,  though  he  might  have  heard  something 
ubout  me,  yet  what  he  heard  could  not  have  been  said  with 
certainty,  because,  as  I  took  so  much  care  of  my  honor,  all 
my  diligence  was  directed  towards  keeping  things  secret, 
while  I  considered  not  how  impossible  it  was  to  keep  anything 
from  Him  who  seeth  everything.  0  my  God !  what  evil  is 
done  in  the  world  through  not  considering  this  truth, — 
through  not  remembering  that  nothing  can  be  secret  which 
is  against  Thee !  I  think  it  quite  certain,  that  great  sins 
would  be  avoided  if  we  could  understand  that  our  duty  does 
not  consist  in  keeping  ourselves  from  the  sight  of  men,  but 
in  preserving  ourselves  from  offending  God 

During  the  first  eight  days  I  was  in  the  monasteryf  I  felt 
very  unhappy,  and  the  more  so,  because  I  suspected  that  my 
vanity  was  now  discovered,  and  not  so  much  because  I  was 
placed  in  the  monastery.  And  I  now  began  to  be  tired  of 
my  vanities,  and  to  have  a  great  fear  when  I  offended  God, 
and  I  endeavored  to  u  confess  ”  often.  But  eight  days  after, 
and  I  think  even  less,  I  enjoyed  more  quiet  and  comfort  than 
ever  I  experienced  in  my  father’s  house.  All  the  religious 
were  glad  to  be  in  my  company ;  for  in  this  respect  our 
Lord  gave  me  the  particular  favor  of  always  pleasing  persons 
wherever  I  might  be,  and  thus  I  was  much  beloved,  and  though 


*  In  Avila,  where  there  was  a  convent  of  Austin  nuns.  Our  Saint  was 
then  about  fourteen  years  old. 

f  “  Un  Monasterio”  signifies  a  convent  as  well  as  monastery. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


55 


at  that  time  I  was  quite  opposed  to  my  becoming  a  nun,  yet 
I  was  glad  to  see  in  that  house  so  many  good  religious,  of 
great  purity,  and  devotion,  and  recollection. 

But  notwithstanding  all  this,  the  devil  ceased  not  to  tempt 
me,  and  to  seek  persons  out  -of  the  monastery  to  disturb  me 
with  their  messages ;  but  as  there  was  no  opportunity  for 
them,  they  soon  ceased:  and  my  soul  began  again  to  accustom 
herself  to  the  good  impressions  of  my  youth,  and  I  saw  how 
great  is  the  favor  God  bestows  on  these  whom  He  leads  into 
good  company.  It  seems  as  if  his  Majesty  l  ad  gone  on  con¬ 
sidering  and  re-considering,  how  He  could  bring  me  back  again 
to  Himself!  Blessed  be  Thou,  0  Lord,  who  didst  bear  with 
me  so  long !  Amen.  One  circumstance  there  was,  which 
seems  might  have  excused  me,  had  I  not  committed  so  many 
faults ,  it  was  this :  that  the  conversation  I  held  was  on  the 
subject  of  a  marriage,  which  seemed  likely  to  end  well. 
Having  informed  my  confessor  of  the  matter,  and  also  many 
other  persons,  they  told  me  I  did  not  offend  God.  A  re¬ 
ligious  slept  where  we  secular  ladies  were,  and  it  seems  that 
by  her  means  our  Lord  wished  to  enlighten  me,  as  I  shall  now 
relate. 


CHAPTER  III. 

SHE  MENTIONS  HOW  GOOD  COMPANY  WAS  THE  MEANS  OF  RE-AWAKEN- 
ING  VIRTUOUS  DESIRES  WITHIN  HER,  AND  HOW  OUR  LORD  BEGAN  TO 
GIVE  HER  LIGHT  TO  DISCOVER  HER  ERRORS. 

As  I  now  began  to  take  delight  in  the  good  and  holy  con¬ 
versation  of  this  nun,, I  was  pleased  in  hearing  her  speak  so 
well  on  God,  for  she  was  a  very  pious  and  discreet  person. 
As  far  as  I  remember,  I  was  always  pleased  to  hear  her  speak 
[on  heavenly  things.]*  One  day  she  began  to  tell  me  how 
she  came  to  be  a  religious,  which  was  by  merely  reading 
these  words  of  the  Gospel :  “  Many  are  called,  but  few  are 
chosen.”  She  spoke  to  me  on  the  rewards  our  Lord  will 


*  Not  in  the  original. 


56 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


give  those  who  leave  all  things  to  follow  Him.  Her  good 
company  soon  began  to  banish  all  the  habits  evil  company 
had  led  me  into,  and  to  bring  back  to  my  mind  the  desire  of 
eternal  things,  and  also,  in  some  degree,  to  divest  me  of  that 
a\eision  I  had  to  become  a  nun,  which  once  was  so  very 
great.  Put  now,  if  I  saw  any  one  shed  tears  at  her  prayers, 
or  perceived  that  she  possessed  other  virtues,  I  envied  her 
extremely,  though  in  this  respect  my  heart  was  so  very  bad, 
that  were  I  even  to  read  the  whole  history  of  our  Saviour’s 
Passion,  I  could  not  shed  a  tear :  this  gave  me  a  great  deal 
of  pain. 

I  remained  a  year  and  a  half  in  this  monastery  to  my 
great  advantage  5  for  I  began  to  recite  many  vocal  prayers, 
and  prevailed  on  all  the  nuns  to  recommend  me  to  God,  that 
He  might  place  me  in  such  a  state  of  life,  wherein  I  could 
serve  Him.  But,  still,  I  wished  not  to  be  a  nun,  and  that 
this  might  not  be  the  state  which  God  would  appoint  for  me. 
I  was,  however,  afraid  to  marry.  But  at  the  end  of  the 
time  I  was  in  the  monastery,  I  had  a  greater  desire  to  be  a 
religious,  though  not  in  that  house,  because  the  virtues  there 
practiced  were  too  high  for  me,  and  their  mortifications 
seemed  excessive  in  the  extreme.  Some  of  the  younger 
nuns  also  encouraged  me  in  these  ideas  ;  but  if  all  had  been" of 
the  same  opinion,  I  should  have  gained  much  by  it.  I  had  like¬ 
wise  a  great  friend  in  another  monastery,  and  this  was  partly  a 
reason  which  induced  me  not  to  wish  to  be  a  nun,  except  in 
the  house  where  this  person  lived,  that  is,  if  I  were  to  be  a 
nun  at  all.  I  had  more  regard  for  the  pleasure  of  my 
sensuality  and  vanity,  than  for  the  welfare  of  my  soul.  These 
good  thoughts,  however,  of  being  a  nun,  sometimes  came  into 
my  mind,  and  went  away  immediately,  so  that  I  could  not  yet 
persuade  myself  to  be  one. 

At  this  period,  though  I  was  not  without  solicitude  for  a 
remedy,  yet  our  Lord  was  more  desirous  of  disposing  me  for 
that  state  which  was  the  best  for  my  soul.  I  became  so  un- 
well,  that  I  was  obliged  to  return  to  my  father’s  house. 
When  I  recovered,  I  was  taken  to  my  sister’s  house  on  a 
visit ;  she  resided  in  the  country,  and  great  was  the  love  I 
had  for  her  5  and  if  she  could  have  had  her  will,  I  should 


57 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

iiever  have  left  her.  Her  husband  also  loved  me  much,  at 
least  he  showed  me  every  kindness  and  attention  ;  and  even 
for  this  I  am  indebted  to  our  Lord,  since  in  every  place  I 
am  always  treated  kindly,  notwithstanding  I  have  been  as 
ungrateful  for  this  favor  as  I  have  for  all  others. 

On  the  way  to  my  sister,  my  father’s  brother*  resided — 
a  very  discreet  and  virtuous  man.  He  was  a  widower,  and 
cur  Lord  was  disposing  him  for  Himself,  for  in  his  de¬ 
clining  year  he  left  everything^  became  a  religious,  and 
ended  his  days  in  such  a  manner,  that  I  believe  he  now  en¬ 
joys  the  sight  of  God.  But  as  I  passed,  he  wished  me  to 
remain  a  few  days  with  him.  It  was  his  custom  to  read 
good  books  in  Spanish ;  and  his  usual  discourse  was  on  God 
and  on  the  vanity  of  the  world.  Those  books  he  made  me 
also  read  5  and  though  I  had  no  great  liking  for  them,  yet  I 
pretended  I  had  ;  for  I  always  took  the  greatest  care  to  give 
pleasure  to  others,  however  dear  it  might  cost  me :  hence, 
what  in  others  would  have  been  virtue,  in  me  was  a  fault, 
because  T  often  conducted  myself  without  discretion.  0  my 
God  !  by  what  means  and  ways  didst  thy  Majesty  go  on, 
disposing  me  for  that  state  in  which  Thou  wert  pleased  I 
should  serve  Thee  !  Thou  didst  even  force  me,  against  my 
will,  to  do  violence  to  myself.  Be  Thou  blessed  forever. 
Amen.  Though  I  remained  but  a  short  time  in  this  place, 
yet  such  was  the  effect  produced  in  my  heart  by  the  words 
of  God,  which  I  both  heard  and  read,  and  also  by  the  good 
company  I  had  been  in,  that  I  came  to  understand  those 
truths  I  had  learnt  when  a  child,  viz.,  that  all  things  were 
nothing  ;  how  great  was  the  vanity  of  the  world ;  how  it 
would  shortly  end ;  and  that  I  had  just  reason  to  fear,  if  I 
died  (in  my  present  state),  I  should  be  sent  to  hell.  But 
though  my  will  did  not  yet  wholly  incline  me  to  be  a  nun, 
yet  I  clearly  saw  it  was  the  better  and  more  secure  state  ; 
and  so  by  little  and  littie  I  resolved  to  force  myself  to  em¬ 
brace  it. 

In  this  battle  I  continued  three  months,  urging  myself  to 
the  religious  state  by  these  reasons ;  the  labors  and  trouble 


*  His  name  was  Pedro  Sanchez  de  Cepeda. 


58  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

of  being  a  nun  could  not  be  greater  than  the  pains  of  purga¬ 
tory  ;  and  that  as  I  had  justly  deserved  hell,  it  should  not 
be  considered  much,  if,  while  I  lived,  I  remained,  as  it  were, 
in  purgatory,  that  so  afterwards  I  might  go  straight  to 
heaven.  Such  was  my  desire  ;.  but  in  this  inclination  to  em¬ 
brace  the  religious  life,  it  seems  to  me  that  I  was  more  in¬ 
fluenced  by  servile  fear  than  by  love. 

The  devil,  in  the  meantime,  represented  to  me  that  I 
should  never  be  able  to  endure  the  difficulties  of  the  reli¬ 
gious  state,  because  I  was  so  delicately  brought  up.  But 
against  these  suggestions  I  defended  myself,  by  remembering 
the  labors  and  sufferings  of  our  Lord,  and  that  it  would  not 
be  much  for  me  to  endure  some  ft  r  the  love  of  Him :  I 
should  also  have  recollected,  that  he  would  give  me  strength 
to  endure  them  (for  I  forget  whether  I  had  this  thought); 
but  I  am  sure  I  had  many  temptations  at  this  time.  Faint¬ 
ing  fits,  accompanied  with  burning  fevers,  began  also  to  seize 
me,  f  r  I  always  had  very  bad  health.  But  I  was  supported 
by  having  become,  at  this  period,  fond  of  good  books.  I 
read  the  “  Epistles”*  of  St.  Jerome,  which  encouraged  me 
to  such  a  degree,  as  to  make  me  resolve  to  acquaint  my 
fainer  with  my  intention,  which  was  for  me  almost  the  same 
as  taking  the  habit ;  for  I  was  so  nice  about  my  word  of 
honor,  that  it  seems  to  me,  when  once  I  had  given  my  word, 
I  could  never  on  any  account  withdraw  it.  But  my  father 
loved  me  so  much,  that  I  could  not  by  any  means  gain  his 
consent ;  neither  was  the  entreaty  of  other  persons,  whom  I 
induced  to  speak  to  him,  of  any  avail.  The  most  that  I 
could  obtain  from  him  was,  that  after  his  death  I  might  do 
as  I  pleased.  I  feared,  however,  my  own  weakness,  lest  I 
should  fall  back  again ;  and  so  I  thought  it  better  not  to 
accept  the  condition,  and  therefore  I  endeavored  to  gain  my 
object  in  another  way,  as  I  shall  now  relate. 


*  “  St.  Jerome,  when  in  Rome,  had  the  care  of  many  devout  ladies,  as 
Lea,  Fabiola,  Laeta,  Paula,  Eustochium,  <fcc.,  to  whom  many  of  his  most 
edifying  and  valuable Jetters  are  addressed. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


59 


CHAPTER  IV. 

SHE  DELATES  HOW  OUR  LORD  ASSISTED  HER  IN  FORCING  HERSELF 

TO  TAKE  THE  RELIGIOUS  HABIT,  AND  WITH  HOW  MANY  IDFIRMI- 

TIES  HIS  DIVINE  MAJESTY  BEGAN  TO  AFFLICT  HER. 

At  this  time,  while  I  was  continuing  in  the  resolution 
mentioned  above,  I  persuaded  one  of  my  brothers  to  become 
a  religious,  having  spoken  to  him  on  the  vanity  of  the  world, 
&c.  VVe  both  agreed  to  go  very  early  one  morning  to  the 
monastery  where  that  friend  of  mine  was,  to  whom  I  bore 
such  a  particular  affection.  My  resolution,  however,  was 
now  so  great,  that  I  would  willingly  live  wherever  I  could 
serve  God  the  best,  or  my  father  wished  me  to  go ;  for  now 
I  paid  more  attention  to  the  welfare  of  my  soul,  and  made 
no  account  of  rest  or  ease.  I  remember  (as  far  as  I  can  call 
to  mind,  and  without  any  concealment  of  the  truth),  that 
when  I  was  leaving  my  father’s  house,  I  believe  that  at  my 
death  my  feelings  will  not  be  greater  than  they  were  then ; 
for  it  seems  to  me,  that  every  bone  in  my  body  was  then 
disjointed  ;  and  as  I  had  no  love  of  God  to  remove  the  love 
I  had  for  my  father  and  friends,  all  which  I  did  then  was 
with  such  great  violence,  that  if  our  Lord  had  not  helped 
me,  my  own  considerations  would  never  have  been  able  to 
advance  me  forward  :  but  he  gave  me  such  courage  against 
myself,  that  I  was  enabled  to  execute  my  resolution. 

In  taking  the  habit,  our  Lord  immediately  gave  me  to  under¬ 
stand  how  much  He  favors  those  who  do  violence  to  them¬ 
selves  in  order  to  serve  him  ;  though  no  one  noticed  any¬ 
thing  in  me  but  a  most  ardent  desire  (to  enter  on  a  religious 
life).  He  then  gave  me  such  feelings  of  delight,  in  having 
attained  this  state,  as  have  never  left  me  up  to  this  day.  He 
also  changed  that  dryness  in  which  my  soul  had  formerly 
been,  into  an  extreme  tenderness,  while  all  the  observances 
of  religion  delighted  me.  It  is  likewise  true,  that  sometimes 
when  I  was  sweeping  the  floor — during  the  very  time  in 
which  I  used  once  to  be  occupied  with  dress  and  vanities, 
but  that  now  remembering  how  I  was  free  from  them — a  new 
joy  was  given  to  me ;  so  great,  that  I  was  amazed,  and  knew 


60 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


not  whence  it  came.  When  I  remembered  these  things, 
nothing  could  present  itself  before  me,  however  difficult, 
which  I  should  not  willingly  have  attempted ;  for  1  now 
have  experience  in  numerous  cases  to  assure  me,  that  since 
God  helped  me  in  the  beginning  to  resolve  to  do  what  I  have 
done,  His  Majesty  will  also  be  pleased,  even  in  this  life,  to 
repay  us  by  such  means  as  he  only  can  understand  who  en¬ 
joys  them  (and  our  actions  being  done  only  for  the  love  of 
God,  He  ordains  for  our  greater  good  afterwards,  that  our 
souls  should  be  in  some  trouble  and  terror  at  first ;  and  the 
greater  the  trouble  is,  the  greater  and  the  sweeter  will  be 
the  reward,  if  we  persevere).  This  I  have  found  true  by 
experience  (as  I  have  said)  in  many  important  cases;  and, 
therefore,  if  I  were  a  person  who  could  give  an  opinion,  I 
would  never  advise  any  one,  when  a  good  inspiration  often 
comes  upon  him,  to  throw  it  aside  through  fear  of  not  being 
able  to  put  it  into  execution ;  for  if  he  go  on  solely  and 
purely  for  God’s  sake,  there  need  be  no  fear  of  success, 
since  our  Lord  is  powerful  to  do  all  things.  May  he  be 
blessed  forever.  Amen. 

The  favors  which  Thou,  0!  my  Sovereign  Good,  and 
repose  of  my  soul,  hast  hitherto  bestowed  upon  me  through 
thy  own  goodness  and  greatness,  ought  to  have  been  suffi¬ 
cient  to  have  drawn  me,  by  so  many  ways,  to  a  secure  state 
of  life,  and  to  a  house  where  there  are  many  servants  of 
thine,  from  whom  I  could  learn  how  to  advance  in  thy  ser¬ 
vice.  But  I  know  not  how  to  pass  on  to  anything  else, 
when  I  remember  the  circumstance  of  my  profession,  and 
the  strong  resolution,  and  the  great  pleasure  wherewith  I 
made  it,  and  the  espousals  I  entered  into  with  Thee :  but 
of  this  I  cannot  speak  without  tears,  even  of  blood ;  with- 
.  out  my  very  heart  breaking  (and  this  would  not  be  any¬ 
thing  sufficient  to  testify  my  grief),  when  I  think  how  I 
offended  Thee  afterwards.  It  now  seems  to  me,  that  I  had 
reason  before,  in  not  desiring  so  great  a  dignity,  since  I 
should  have  made  such  a  bad  use  of  it.  But  Thou,  0  my 
Lord !  wast  pleased,  during  almost  all  the  twenty  years  in 
which  I  abused  this  favor,  to  be  the  person  insulted,  in  order 
that  I  might  become  better.  It  seems  now,  0  my  God ! 
that  I  made  no  promise,  except  not  to  observe  what  I  had 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


61 


promised  Thee,  though  at  that  time  my  intention  was  not 
such.  But  I  see  that  afterwards  my  actions  were  such,  that 
I  knew  not  what  intention  I  had ;  and  thus  it  is  more  clearly 
seen  who  thou  art,  0  my  Spouse  !  and  who  I  am !  It  is 
quite  true,  that  the  sorrow  for  my  great  sins  is  often  tem¬ 
pered  by  the  pleasure  which  this  consideration  »giyes  me,  viz., 
that  my  sins  will  only  make  more  manifest  the  multitude  of 
thy  mercies.  For  in  whom,  0  Lord,  can  they  shine  more 
brightly  than  in  me ,  who,  by  my  evil  actions,  have  so  greatly 
obscured  all  the  immense  favors  which  Thou  didst  begin  to 
show  to  me  ?  Alas  for  me,  0  my  Creator !  if  I  wish  to 
make  any  excuse,  I  can  find  none ;  nor  can  any  one  be 
blamed  but  myself;  and  if  I  should  endeavor  to  return  Thee 
any  part  of  that  love  which  Thou  didst  begin  to  show  me,  I 
could  not  centre  it  on  any  one  except  Thee,  and  thus  every¬ 
thing  would  be  remedied  :  but  since  I  do  not  deserve  this, 
nor  ever  had  such  a  happiness,  may  Thy  mercy  now  supply 
for  all  my  deficiencies. 

My  change  of  life  and  food  began,  at  this  time,  to  injure 
my  health,  for  though  the  pleasure  I  experienced  was  great, 
it  was  not  sufficient.  Fits  of  fainting  again  began  to  in¬ 
crease  on  me,  accompanied  with  such  a  violent  palpitation  of 
the  heart,  as  amazed  every  one  who  saw  me :  I  also  had 
many  other  infirmities,  and  thus  I  passed  the  first  year  with 
very  bad  health,  though  during  this  period  I  think  I  did  not 
offend  God  much ;  but  as  my  infirmity  was  so  great,  that  it 
almost  always  nearly  deprived  me  of  my  senses,  and  some¬ 
times  entirely  took  them  away ;  so  great  likewise  was  the 
diligence  used  by  my  father,  in  seeking  a  remedy.  Since, 
however,  the  doctors  in  the  place  could  not  find  any  relief 
for  me,  my  father  ordered  me  to  be  removed  to  a  place 
which  had  a  high  reputation  for  having  cured  other  persons 
of  their  infirmities,  and  so  I  was  assured  mine  also  would  be 
cured. 

The  friend  of  whom  I  spoke  before  as  living  in  the  house 
accompanied  me,  for  she  was  advanced  in  years  ;  and  in  the 
monastery  where  she  lived,  no  vows  of  enclosure  were  taken. 
I  remained  almost  a  year  in  this  place,  and  during  three 
months  of  it  I  suffered  such  excessive  torments  by  the  severe 
remedies  applied,  that  I  know  not  how  I  was  able  to  endure 
6 


62 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA* 


them ;  and  though  I  did  endure  them,  yet  it  was  not  my 
body  which  bore  them,  as  I  shall  now  relate. 

This  cure  was  to  have  commenced  in  the  beginning  of 
summer,  and  I  went  in  the  beginning  of  winter :  all  this 
time  I  remained  in  the  house  of  that  sister  of  whom  I  have 
spoken  before,  who  lived  in  the  country :  I  waited  till  April, 
being  near  the  place,  that  so  I  might  not  be  obliged  to  be 
going  and  coming  to  and  fro.  When  I  was  leaving  my  uncle 
(whom  I  mentioned  as  having  visited  on  the  way),  he  gave 
me  a  book  called  “  The  Third  Alphabet,”*  which  treated 
of  the  prayer  of  recollection.  Now,  though  in  the  first  year 
I  had  read  some  good  books,  and  did  not  wish  to  read  any 
others  (for  I  already  knew  the  harm  they  had  done  me);  yet 
I  knew  not  how  to  proceed  in  prayer,  nor  how  to  acquire 
recollection  ;  and  so  I  was  very  glad  to  have  this  book,  and 
was  determined  to  follow  that  way  (of  prayer)  to  the  best 
of  my  power ;  and  sinoe  our  Lord  was  already  pleased  to 
bestow  the  gift  of  tears  upon  me,  and  as  I  delighted  also  in 
reading,  I  began  to  spend  some  time  in  solitude,  and  to 
“  confess”  very  often,  and  to  commence  following  that  path; 
as  I  considered  this  book  to  be  my  guide,  because  I  could 
meet  with  no  other  master,  I  mean  no  director  who  could 
understand  me,  though  I  endeavored  to  find  one  for  the  space 
of  twenty  years  after  this  time.  This  misfortune  did  me 
much  harm,  and  often  made  me  turn  back,  yea,  even  to  lose 
myself  entirely ;  but  a  good  director  would  have  daily  assisted 
me  in  flying  those  occasions,  by  which  I  offended  God. 

In  these  beginnings,  His  Majesty  began  to  confer  on  me 
such  great  favors,  that  at  the  end  of  the  time  I  remained 
there  in  this  solitude,  (which  was  about  nine  months,)  though 
I  was  not  free  froln  offending  God,  having  neglected  what 
the  book  directed  me  to  do,  from  an  idea  that  such  great 
watchfulness  was  almost  impossible ;  yet  I  was  careful  not  to 
commit  any  mortal  sin,  and  would  to  God  I  had  been  always 
so  ;  but  of  venial  sins  I  made  little  account,  and  this  was 
the  fault  which  ruined  me.  But  our  Lord  began  to  caress  me 
so  much  in  this  way,  (of  prayer,)  that  He  vouchsafed  to  give 


o 


*  Written  by  F.  Ossuna. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  *63 

me  the  favor  of  enjoying  the  “  Prayer  of  Quiet,”*  and  some¬ 
times  that  of  u  Union,”  though  I  understood  neither  the  one 
nor  the  other,  nor  how  much  they  deserved  to  be  prized*; 
but  I  think  it  would  have  been  a  great  happiness  for  me  if  I 
had  understood  their  nature.  True  it  is,  the  “  Prayer  of 
Union  ”  continued  so  short  a  time,  that  I  know  not  if  I  could 
have  repeated  the  “  Ave  Maria  ”  during  it ;  yet  the  effects  of 
the  prayer  which  remained  were  so  great,  that  though  I  was 
not  then  twenty  years  old,  it  seemed  as  if  I  could  trample 
the  whole  world  under  my  feet ;  and  so  I  remember  to  have 
had  great  pity  for  all  those  who  follow  its  maxims  and  ways, 
though  even  in  lawful  things. 

I  endeavored,  to  the  best  of  my  power,  to  represent  our 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,  who  is  our  only  good,  as  present  within 
me ;  and  this  was  my  method  of  prayer ;  when  I  meditated 
on  any  action  in  His  life,  I  represented  it  in  my  interior, 
though  I  spent  the  greater  part  of  my  time  in  reading  good 
books,  which  was  all  the  recreation  I  had  ;  for  God  did  not 
give  me  the  talent  of  discoursing  with  my  understanding, 
nor  of  helping  myself  by  means  of  the  imagination,  which  is 
so  dull,  that  even  to  think  and  represent  within  myself,  (as 
I  endeavored  to  do,)  the  Humanity  of  our  Lord,  was  more 
than  I  could  ever  perform  ;  and  although,  if  we  persevere, 
we  may  more  quickly  arrive  at  “  Contemplation,”  by  being 
unable  to  exercise  our  understanding,  yet  the  way  is  very 
laborious  and  painful,  because  if  the  occupation  of  the  will 
be  wanting,  and  our  love  should  have  no  object  present  to 
occupy  itself  on,  the  soul  is  left,  as  it  were,  without  any  sup¬ 
port  or  exercise  ;  and  solitude  and  dryness  give  her  much 
trouble,  and  bring  our  thoughts  into  a  most  terrible  combat. 

For  persons  who  have  this  inclination,  greater  purity  of 
conscience  is  necessary  than  for  those  who  are  able  to  ex¬ 
ercise  themselves  with  their  understanding ;  because  he  who 
is  able  to  reflect  on  what  this  world  is — on  what  he  owes  to 
•God — how  much  He  suffered  for  him — and  how  little  he 
serves  Him,  will  thence  derive  matter  to  defend  himself  from 
improper  thoughts  and  dangerous  occasions.  But  he  who 

*  The  Saint  explains  afterwards  what  is  meant  by  the  prayer  of  Quiet 
and  Union. 


64 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


who  teaches  him  should  urge  him  to  pray  without  reading; , 
(which  is  of , great  help  to  a  person  who  proceeds  in  this  way, 


J  p  * A  vA  vl  VlOC • 

It  now  seems  our  Lord  so  ordered  things,  that  I  could  not 
" ,  any  one  to  instruct  me ;  for  it  appears  impossible  to  have 


A  ,  — ’  , — 1ujpmiwc  ty  nave 

endured  my  great  dryness  and  afflictions  during  eighteen 

jears,  without  being  able  to  discourse  with  my  understand¬ 
ing,  as  I  have  already  mentioned.  During  all  this  time  I 
never  dared  to  pray  without  a  book,  except  immediately  after 
communicating,  so  that  my  soul  was  as  much  afraid  to  be 
without  a  book,  as  to  fight  against  a  multitude  of  people. 
Dut  by  this  remedy  I  went  on  with  much  comfort,  for  it  was 
like  a  guard  of  soldiers,  or  a  buckler,  on  which  the  blows  of 
many  thoughts  were  to  be  received ;  for  this  “  dryness”  was 
not  usual  with  me,  though  it  always  came  when  I  had  no 
book  ;  and  my  soul  became  immediately  disturbed,  and  my 
thoughts  began  to  wander,  but  by  reading  I  soon  re-collected 
mm  ;  and  thus,  as  it  were  by  flattery,  my  soul  advanced  on¬ 
ward.  Often,  by  merely  opening  a  book,  I  found  I  need  do 
no  more;  sometimes  I  read  a  little,  and  other  times,  much, 
according  to  the  favors  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  show  me. 
t  seems  to  me,  that  if  in  these  beginnings  whereof  I  speak, 
1  could  have  had  books  and  opportunities  of  being  in  soli- 
tude,  no  danger  could  have  deprived  me  of  so  great  a  good. 

Vnu  ViT186’  tliat  W0lll(*  ^ave  proved  so  by  the  favor 
ot  uod,  if  I  could  have  had  a  director,  or  some  person  who 

would  have  advised  me  to  fly  the  occasion,  (of  sin,)  in  these 
beginnings,  and  to  make  me  forsake  them  immediately,  if  I  had 
fallen  into  them.  And  should  the  devil  then  have  attacked 
me  openly,  I  think  I  should  on  no  account  have  been  induced 


65 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

to  offend  God  grievously.  But  the  devil  was  so  crafty,  and 
I  was  so  wicked,  that  all  my  resolutions  availed  me  hut 
little ;  though  the  time  I  spent  in  the  service  of  God  was  of 
great  help  towards  enabling  me  to  endure  my  terrible  afflic¬ 
tions,  which  I  bore  with  as  great  patience  as  His  Majesty 
gave  me. 

Often  have  1  considered  with  amazement  the  great  good¬ 
ness  of  God,  and  my  soul  has  been  enraptured  in  considering 
His  magnificence  and  mercy  j  may  He  be  blessed  by  all  men, 
for  I  have  clearly  seen,  that  even  in  this  life  He  has  not 
failed  to  recompense  me  for  every  good  desire.  And,  how¬ 
ever  imperfect  and  wicked  my  works  have  been,  yet  my  Lord 
continued  to  make  them  better  and  more  perfect,  thereby 
giving  them  worth  and  merit,  while  my  sins  and  miseries  He 
instantly  hid,  (from  others.)  Even  the  eyes  of  those  who 
saw  them,  His  Majesty  allowed  to  be  blinded,  and  their 
memory  to  fail.  He  gilds  our  faults,  and  causes  that  virtue 
to  shine  which  the  same  Lord  has  placed  in  me,  almost  doing 
violence  to  me,  that  I  may  receive  His  favors. 

But  now  I  wish  to  return  to  what  my  Superiors  commanded 
me  to  mention.  If  I  were  to  relate  minutely  how  our  Lord 
proceeded  with  me  in  these  beginnings,  I  should  require 
another  understanding  different  from  what  I  have,  to  be  able 
to  appreciate  what  I  owe  Him  in  this  respect,  and  to  publish 
my  own  wickedness  and  ingratitude,  for  He  has  forgotten  all 
of  it.  May  He  be  blessed  forever,  who  has  borne  so  much 
from  me.  Amen. 


I 


66 


life  of  st.  Teresa. 


CHAPTER  V. 

SHE  CONTINUES  TO  RELATE  THE  PAINFUL  INFIRMITIES  SHE  ENDURED 
AND  THE  PATIENCE  OUR  LORD  GATE  HER,  ETC.  ’ 

I  forgot  to  relate  how,  in  the  year  of  my  noyieiate  I 
suffered  great  uneasiness  of  mind  about  things  which  n  tht’m 

^Z’tW0f  ,itt,CCrr(U™Ce’  but  as  lUoS 
without  having  committed  any  fault,  I  bore  it  with  much 

pain  and  great  imperfection,  though  I  endured  everything 

through  the  earnest  desire  I  had  to  be  a  nun.  When  they 

noticed  that  I  sought  after  solitude,  and  sometimes  shed 

•K  anrdTe';^Kr  ::d  lz  1  a*rred 

observe  all  the'  rules  of  the'rel^lVe"  I  couldToTho^ 
ever,  endure  anything  which  had  the  appearance  of  bringing 
me  into  contempt,  for  I  delighted  in  beiiig  esteemed  I  waf 
curious  about  whatever  I  undertook,  and  everything  appeared 

to  me  to  be  virtue,  though  this  will  not  serve  me=as  an  ex- 
cuse,  because  I  knew  well  how  to  obtain  all  those  things 
which  could  give  me  pleasure ;  and  thus  ignorance  will  not 
free  me  from  blame.  It  was  a  defect  that  the  monastery  was 

foHowd  dth  !"  f  ef  Perfe.ction  i  a"cl  as  I  was  so  wicked,  1 
good  d  that  WhlCh  WaS  ™Perfeot>  and  omitted  what  was 

grit:!:tfle,thCr<:  -T  *  R?ligious  afflicted  with  a  most 
ulcers  Tn^  W  b ^  ?auSed  hf  Sreat  Pain-  There  were 

so  th!t  1  K°dy’  Whlch  came  from  certain  obstructions, 

die?  of  I1®  °°J!  d  n0t  rlam  her  food  ’  and  therefore  she  soon 
ler  disease.  Though  I  noticed  that  all  the  other 
nuns  feared  to  have  the  like  infirmity :  yet,  for  mv  Dart  T 

wouaid7eivneVthd  rv  Pat|?nce’  and  beSged  of  God,  thattf  He 

ever  infinnitv  H  7“  AnCert0  m<b  He  miSht  send  me  what. 
HZ  ,  i  y  Il°  P>eased-  I*  seemed  as  if  I  feared  no  dis¬ 
ease  whatever,  for  I  was  so  bent  on  gaining  eternal  goods 

me  Tlf  th^T  PThaf  ‘hem’  wbatever  they  might  cost  * 
fnr'n  A  *11S  I,woader>  tor  even  then  I  think  I  had  no  love 
for  G°d;  though  afterwards  I  believe  I  gained  it,  when  I 
began  to  exercise  myself  in  prayer ;  and  a  light  (from  above) 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  67 

showed  me  how  contemptible  everything  is  that  has  an  end, 
and  how  inestimable  those  goods  are  which  are  eternal,  and 
which  can  be  obtained.  His  Majesty  heard  my  prayer  for 
such  an  affliction  ;  for  before  the  expiration  of  two  years,  I 
became  so  afflicted,  that  though  my  disease  was  not  of  the 
same  nature  as  the  person’s  (above  mentioned;)  yet  I  think 
mine  was  equally  painful  and  troublesome  during  the  three 
years  I  endured  it,  as  I  shall  now  relate. 

The  time  having  now  arrived  which  I  had  been  waiting 
for,  my  fathei,  my  sister,  and  that  Religious  who  accompanied 
me,  and  bad  so  much  regard  for  me,  removed  me  with  great 
care  to  the  place  destined  for  my  cure.  Here  the  devil  began 
to  disturb  my  soul,  though  God  drew  good  from  it.  There 
was  a  certain  ecclesiastic  who  resided  in  the  place  where  I 
went  for  my  cure.  He  was  of  a  good  family,  had  a  solid 
judgment,  and  was  somewhat  learned.  I  began  to  “  confess” 
to  him,  for  I  was  always  fond  of  learned  men,  though  those 
confessors  who  were  only  half-learned,  did  my  soul  much 
harm,  because  the}'  had  not  the  learning  I  desired.  I  have 
found  by  experience,  that  it  is  better  for  directors,  who  are 
virtuous,  and  full  of  holy  manners,  to  have  no  learning  at  all, 
rather  than  little  ;  because,  those  who  have  none  will  not 
trust  themselves  without  asking  the  opinion  of  others  who 
are  learned,  and  neither  could  I  trust  them  myself.  But  I 
was  never  deceived  by  any  truly  learned  man ;  and  even 
those  others  had  no  desire  of  deceiving  me  ;  but  they  erred 
only  because  they  knew  no  better.  I  thought  they  were 
capable  (of  guiding  me,)  and  that  I  was  not  bound  to  do  any¬ 
thing  but  to  believe  them ;  as  what  they  told  me  was 
in  accordance  with  the  general  opinion,  and  gave  me 
more  liberty  :  if  they  had  been  more  strict  with  me,  I  was 
so  wicked,  that  I  should  have  chosen  other  confessors.  That 
which  was  a  venial  sin,  they  told  me  was  none  at  all ;  and 
that  which  was  a  most  grievous  mortal  sin,  I  was  assured 
was  only  a  vsnicil  sin.  This  kind  of  doctrine  did  me  so  much 
harm,  that  I  consider  it  necessary  to  mention  this  circum¬ 
stance  here,  in  order  to  put  others  on  their  guard  against  so 
great  an  evil.  I  see  clearly,  that  in  the  presence  of  God, 
this  was  no  excuse  for  me  :  for  as  the  things  were  in  their 
own  nature  bad,  this  ought  to  have  been  sufficient  to  have 


08 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


preserved  me  from  them.  But  I  think  that  Almighty  God, 
on  account  of  my  sins,  allowed  my  confessors  to  deceive  me, 
and  to  be  deceived  themselves.  And  I  also  deceived  many 
others,  by  telling  them  the  very  same  things  which  had  been 
told  me. 

I  continued  more  than  seventeen  years,  I  think,  in  this 
blindness,  till  a  Dominican  friar — a  man  of  great  learning — 
undeceived  me  in  many  things  ;  and  the  fathers  of  the  “So¬ 
ciety  of  Jesus”*  made  me  comprehend,  how  terrible  my 
state  was  on  account  of  such  bad  beginnings,  as  I  will  now 
relate. 

When  I  began  to  confess  to  this  person  (of  whom  I  spoke 
above),  he  became  extremely  attached  to  me,  because  then  I 
had  but  little  to  confess,  in  comparison  with  what  I  after¬ 
wards  had  ;  indeed,  I  had  not  much  from  the  time  I  became 
a  nun.  The  affection  of  this  man  was  not  bad,  though  by 
being  excessive  it  became  evil.  He  knew  well  that  I  was 
determined  not  to  do  anything  grievously  offensive  to  God, 
on  any  account  whatever :  and  he  also  assured  me  as  much 
on  his  part ;  and  thus  our  conversation  became  frequent. 
But  in  the  interviews  we  then  held,  I  was  so  absorbed  by 
the  thoughts  of  God,  that  my  greatest  delight  was  to  speak 
on  subjects  relating  to  Him ;  and  as  I  was  then  very  young, 
he  seeing  this  inclination  made  him  somewhat  ashamed.  But 
on  account  of  the  great  affection  he  bore  me,  he  began  to 
discover  his  misery  to  me ;  and  this  was  not  small,  for  he 
had  then  been  almost  seven  years  in  a  very  dangerous  state, 
by  reason  of  his  affection  for,  and  conversation  with  a  cer¬ 
tain  lady  of  the  town ;  and  yet  he  continued  to  say  mass. 
The  thing  was  so  public,  that  he  had  lost  his  honor  and 
character,  and  yet  no  one  ventured  to  speak  to  him  on  the 
subject.  I  was  quite  grieved  to  see  in  what  a  state  he  was, 
because  I  loved  him  much.  But  I  was  so  possessed  with 
folly  and  blindness,  that  it  seemed  a  virtue  in  me  to  be 
grateful,  and  to  keep  on  good  terms  with  one  who  loved  me. 
Cursed  be  such  a  law  which  proceeds  so  far  as  to  be  against 

*  This  is  the  first  time  our  Saint  mentions  the  Society  of  Jesus.  Wo 
shall  afterwards  see  how  highly  she  prized  that  illustrious  order.  St. 
Francis  Borgia,  when  he  came  to  Avila,  had  an  interview  with  her,  and 
assured  her  that  her  method  of  prayer  came  from  God. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


69 


the  law  of  God.  It  is  a  madness  which  now  prevails  in  the 
world ;  and  it  makes  me  almost  lose  my  senses,  to  see  how 
every  good  which  men  do  to  us  we  owe  to  God,  and  yet  how 
we  esteem  it  a  virtue  not  to  break  off  this  friendship,  even 
though  it  should  lead  us  to  do  evil  against  Him.  Oh, 
blindness  of  the  world !  But  be  Thou  pleased,  0  Lord,  that 
I  may  be  the  most  ungrateful  creature  in  the  whole  world, 
provided  that  I  may  not  be,  in  the  least  point,  ungrateful  to 
Thee !  But  by  my  sins  I  have  done  quite  the  contrary. 

1  endeavored  to  gain  more  information  concerning  this 
person  from  the  domestics  of  his  house  ;  I  then  became  more 
acquainted  with  his  misery,  but  saw  that  the  poor  man  was 
not  deserving  of  so  much  blame,  because  that  unfortunate 
woman  had  used  certain  charms  over  him,  by  means  of  a 
little  copper  idol,  which  she  begged  of  him  to  wear  around 
his  neck  for  her  sake  ;  and  no  one  had  been  able  to  dissuade 
him  from  wearing  it.  For  my  part,  I  do  not  believe  in  the 
power  of  such  charms  as  this,  that  it  could  affect  one  in  any 
definite  manner :  but  I  will  relate  what  I  saw,  in  order  that 
others  may  be  on  their  guard  against  those  women  who  may 
wish  to  act  in  the  same  manner,  and  to  the  end  they  may 
believe,  that  when  such  characters  lose  all  fear  of  God  (and 
they  are  more  obliged  to  be  chaste  than  men),  no  trust  at 
all  is  to  be  reposed  in  them ;  for  provided  that  they  have 
their  own  will  and  affection  gratified — which  the  devil  puts 
in  them — they  care  for  nothing.  But  though  I  have  been 
very  wicked,  yet  I  never  fell  into  any  crime  of  thir  sort,  nor 
did  I  ever  try  to  commit  any  evil ;  and  even  if  1  had  been 
able,  did  I  ever  force  any  one  to  love  me,  because  God  pre¬ 
served  me  from  such  an  evil ;  but  if  He  had  left  me  to  my¬ 
self,  I  should  certainly  have  committed  as  many  evil  things 
in  this  respect,  as  I  did  in  other  matters,  for  there  was  no 
trusting  me  in  any  way.  As  soon  as  I  heard  the  particu¬ 
lars  of  the  case,  I  began  to  show  him  more  affection  :  my 
intention  indeed  was  good,  but  my  action  was  bad.  for  I 
ought  not  to  have  committed  the  least  evil  to  gain  the 
greatest  good.  I  discoursed  very  frequently  with  him  con¬ 
cerning  God,  and  this  perhaps  did  him  some  good,  though 
I  think  that  the  great  love  he  had  for  me  influenced  him  the 
most  *,  for  in  order  to  confer  on  me  a  favor,  and  to  give  me 


TO 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


pleasure,  he  gave  me  bis  little  idol,  which  I  immediately  con¬ 
trived  to  cast  into  the  river.  Being  deprived  of  this,  he  be¬ 
gan  to  recover  like  one  roused  from  a  deep  sleep,  and  to 
remember  all  that  he  had  done  during  those  years  :  he  was 
amazed  at  himself,  and  so,  bewailing  his  misery,  he  came  by 
degrees  to  abhor  it.  Our  Blessed  Lady,  without  doubt, 
assisted  him  much,  for  he  was  very  devoted  to  her  Concep¬ 
tion,  and  that  feast  he  always  celebrated  with  great  joy.  At 
length  he  broke  off  the  habit  of  seeing  this  woman  any 
more,  and  could  never  satisfy  himself  with  giving  thanks  to 
Almighty  God  for  the  light  He  had  given  him.  But  he  died 
just  upon  that  day  twelvemonth  after  I  had  first  seen  him. 
He  had  already  begun  to  serve  God  very  fervently  :  and 
though  I  never  could  perceive  that  t,he  great  affection  he 
bore  me  was  bad,  yet  it  should  have  been  more  pure.  But 
there  was  no  want  of  occasions  in  which,  if  I  had  not  kept 
myself  in  the  presence  of  God,  I  might  have  committed  very 
grievous  offences  against  Him.  Still,  as  I  have  already  men¬ 
tioned,  whatever  I  thought  might.be  a  mortal  sin,  1  would 
not  then  have  committed  it;  and  this  person,  seeing  such  a 
disposition  in  me,  was  inclined  perhaps  to  love  me  the  more. 
All  men,  I  believe,  are  more  fond  of  those  females  who  they 
see  are  inclined  to  virtue  ;  and  even  in  those  things  in  which 
they  desire  to  succeed,  they  gain  more  influence  over  the 
men,  as  I  shall  afterwards  declare.  I  consider  it  certain , 
however,  that  his  soul  is  saved,  for  he  died  very  piously  ; 
and  having  quitted  so  well  the  occasion,  it  seems  our  Lord 
was  pleased  he  should  be  saved  by  this  means. 

In  that  place  I  remained  three  months,  under  the  most 
grievous  afflictions,  for  the  cure  was  more  severe  than  my 
constitution  could  endure,  so  that  at  the  end  of  two  months 
the  medicines  were  so  powerful  that  my  life  was  almost  en¬ 
dangered  ;  in  addition  to  this,  the  palpitation  of  my  heart, 
which  I  went  to  have  cured,  became  so  much  more  violent, 
that  sometimes  I  thought  my  heart  was  torn  with  sharp  teeth, 
and  my  friends  were  afraid  I  should  lose  my  senses.  To¬ 
gether  with  a  great  want  of  strength  (for  I  could  take  no 
food  whatever  except  it  were  liquid),  with  a  violent  loathing, 
a  continual  burning  fever,  and  being  also  so  reduced  on  ac¬ 
count  of  the  purging  medicine,  which  was  continued  for 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


71 


almost  a  month,  I  was  moreover  so  burnt  up,  that  my  nerves 
began  to  contract  with  a  pain  so  insupportable,  as  to  prevent 
me  taking  any  rest  day  or  night  5  and  during  this  period  I 
was  oppressed  with  a  most  profound  sadness  of  mind. 

Having  recovered  so  far,  my  father  took  me  home  again, 
where  the  physicians  came  to  see  me  ;  all  despaired  of  my 
recovery  ;  for,  besides  my  usual  sickness,  they  said  I  was 
settled  in  a  hectic  fever.  This,  however,  troubled  me  very 
little  ;  but  my  pains  afflicted  me  the  most,  for  I  was  full  of 
them,  from  the  crown  of  my  head  to  my  feet :  the  pains 
arising  from  the  nerves  are  intolerable— according  to  the 
testimony  of  doctors — especially  when  the  nerves  shrink  up 
as  mine  did  ;  and  certainly,  if  I  had  not  lost  the  merit  of 
patience  through  my  own  fault,  my  torment  was  great  enough 
to  have  earned  some.  I  did  not  remain  more  than  three 
months  in  this  torture,  for  it  seemed  impossible  to  endure  se 
many  afflictions  together.  I  am  now  amazed  at  myself,  an4 
I  consider  as  a  great  favor  of  our  Lord,  the  patience  whicli 
His  Majesty  gave  me,  for  it  evidently  came  from  Him.  1 
gained  much  benefit  from  reading  the  History  of  Job,  in  the 
“  Morals”  of  St.  Gregory ;  so  that  our  Lord  seems  to  have 
prepared  me  by  this  means,  and  also  by  my  having  com¬ 
menced  the  practice  of  Prayer,  in  order  that  I  might  be 
able  to  bear  those  trials  with  submission  to  His  will.  All 
my  conversation  was  with  Him  1  and  often  did  I  remember 
and  repeat  these  words  of  Job  :  “  If  we  have  received  good 
things  at  the  hand  of  God,  why  should  we  not  receive  evil 
(Chap.  xi.  10.) 

At  length  came  the  Feast  of  our  Lady,  in  August ;  for 
till  then,  from  the  April  before,  my  pains  had  continued, 
though  they  were  greater  during  the  last  three  months.  I 
then  made  haste  to  go  to  confession,  for  I  was  always  very 
fond  of  confessing  often.  My  friends  thought  that  I  was 
influenced  through  fear  of  death  ;  and  so  that  I  might  not 
be  troubled  thereat,  *uy  father  would  not  let  me  confess. 
Oh,  the  inordinate  love  of  flesh  and  blood!  for  though  I 
had  so  Catholic  a  father,  and  one  too,  who  was  so  prudent, 
yet  he  might  have  done  me  a  great  deal  of  harm,  for  his 
conduct  could  not  have  been  the  effect  of  ignorance.  That 
night  I  fell  into  a  trance,  which  continued  for  about  four 


t 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

days,  during  which  I  had  not  the  use  of  any  of  my  senses. 
In  this  state  I  received  the  sacrament  of  Extreme  Unction  ; 
and  every  hour,  and  even  every  moment,  was  expected  to 
be  my  last :  my  friends  continued  reciting  the  Creed,  as  if  I 
understood  them.  At  one  time  they  considered  me  to  be 
dead,  so  certainly,  that  afterwards  I  found  drops  of  the  wax- 
candles  on  my  eyes.  The  affliction  of  my  father  was  great, 
for  not  having  allowed  me  to  go  to  confession  :  many  tears 
were  shed,  and  many  prayers  offered  to  Gcd  for  me.  Blessed 
be  our  Lord,  who  was  pleased  to  hear  them  ;  for  though  my 
grave  remained  open  in  the  monastery  for  a  day  and  a  half, 
it  being  expected  my  body  would  be  buried  there  •  and 
though  the  funeral  service  was  performed  by  the  friars  of 
our-  order  in  another  town,  yet  our  Lord  was  pleased  I  should 
return  to  myself  again  :  I  immediately  expressed  a  desire  to 
confess.  Having  done  so,  I  received  the  blessed  Sacrament 
with  many  tears,  though  in  my  opinion  they  were  not  shed 
with  a  deep  feeling  of  sorrow  for  having  offended  God  :  for 
this  might  have  helped  to  save  my  soul,  if  the  error  into 
which  I  was  led  by  those  who  told  me  that  some  things  were 
not  mortal  sins,  which  afterwards  I  felt  certain  were  so,  had 
not  proved  injurious  to  me.  The  torments  with  which  I  was 
afflicted  were  intolerable,  and  my  understanding  was  rather 
dull,  though,  as  I  thought,  my  confession  was  entire,  having 
declared  everything  by  which  T  feared  I  had  offended  God. 

I  his  favor  His  Majesty  vouchsafed  to  grant  me  among  others, 
that  after  I  had  begun  to  communicate,  I  never  omitted  con¬ 
fessing  anything  which  I  thought  to  be  a  sin,  even  though  it 
were  venial.  But  yet  I  am  almost  certain  that  had  I  died 
then,  my  salvation  would  have  been  in  great  danger,  be¬ 
cause  on  the  one  hand  my  confessors  were  so  little  instructed, 
and  on  the  other  I  myself  was  so  wicked.  It  is  most  cer¬ 
tainly  true,  that  when  I  think  of  this  event  in  my  life,  and 
how  it  seems  as  if  our  Lord  raised  me  from  death  to  life,  I 
am  filled  with  such  great  amazement,  that  almost  my  whole 
body  trembles.  It  seems  proper  then,  0  my  soul,  that  thou 
shouldst  consider  the  danger  from  which  our  Lord  delivered 
thee ;  and  that  as  thou  hast  not  avoided  offending  Him 
thiough  love,  thou  mayest  cease  to  do  so  through  fear,  for 
He  might  have  taken  away  thy  life  a  thousand  times,  when 


LITE  OF  ST  .  TERESA. 


73 


thou  wert  in  a  more  dangerous  state.  I  believe  I  should 
not  he  exaggerating  were  I  to  add  a  thousand  times  more 
though  perhaps  he  may  chide  me,  who  commanded  me  to 
use  moderation  in  the  recital  of  my  sins ;  and  yet  I  have 
represented  them  too  favorably.  But  for  the  love  of  God, 
I  beseech  my  Superior  not  to  make  me  diminish  my  faults, 
because  thereby  the  goodness  of  God  will  be  seen,  and  what 
He  suffered  for  a  soul.  May  He  be  blessed  forever,  and 
may  He  annihilate  me,  rather  than  I  should  ever  cease  to 
love  Him  more  and  more. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

SHE  MENTIONS  HOW  MUCH  SHE  OWED  OUR  LORD  FOR  GIVING  HER 
CONFORMITY  TO  HIS  WILL  IN  SUCH  GREAT  AFFLICTIONS  ;  AND  HOW 
SHE  ALSO  CHOSE  THE  GLORIOUS  ST.  JOSEPH  FOR  HER  PATRON, 
ETC. 

I  remained  during  these  four  days  of  the  trance  in  such 
a  state,  that  our  Lord  only  can  know  the  insufferable  tor¬ 
ments  I  felt.  I  had  bitten  my  tongue  in  several  places  ;  my 
throat,  through  my  being  unable  to  take  anything,  and  by 
reason  of  the  great  weakness  which  oppressed  me,  could  not 
swallow  even  a  drop  of  water  without  choking  me.  It  seemed 
as  if  I  were  entirely  disjointed,  and  my  head  appeared  ex¬ 
tremely  disordered  ;  I  was  contracted  like  packthread,  for  in 
this  consisted  the  torment  I  endured  those  days — without 
being  able  to  stir  either  hand  or  foot,  arm  or  head,  unless  I 
were  moved  ;  so  that  I  was  like  a  person  dead  :  I  thought, 
however,  I  could  move  a  finger  of  my  right  hand.  No  one 
could  touch  me  in  any  way,  for  my  whole  body  was  so 
afflicted,  that  I  could  not  endure  to  have  it  touched.  I  was 
removed  about  in  a  sheet,  one  person  being  at  one  end,  and 
another  at  the  other  end.;  in  this  state  I  continued  till  Easter. 
The  only  relief  I  had  was  this,  that  if  I  were  not  touched, 
my  pains  frequently  ceased  :  and  then,  as  I  enjoyed  a  little 
ease,  I  considered  myself  to  be  well :  but  I  was  afraid  lest 
my  patience  should  begin  to  fail,  and  therefore  I  was  much 
pleased  to  see  myself  free  from  those  sharp  and  continual 


74 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


pains,  though  I  still  had  a  great  loathing  for  food— in  addi¬ 
tion  to  extremely  severe  colds,  produced  by  a  double  quar¬ 
tan,  which  was  insupportable. 

About  this  time  1  made  such  haste  to  return  to  the  monas- 
tery,  that  1  managed  to  have  myself  carried  away  just  as  I 
was.  Though  the  sisters  thought  I  was  dead,  they  received 
me  with  a  soul  still  in  the  body;  but  the  body  was  woise 
than  dead,  by  reason  of  the  pains  they  saw  it  had  endured. 
I  cannot  describe  my  extreme  weakness,  for  nothing  was  left 
but  my  bones;  and  for  more  than  eight  months  I  remained 
in  this  shite ;  I  was  quite  a  cripple  for  almost  three  vears, 
though  still  I  was  getting  better.  When  I  began  to  walk  on 
all-fours,  I  gave  thanks  to  God.  But  all  these  afflictions  I 
endured  with  great  resignation,  and  even  with  extreme  de- 
hght — except  in  the  beginning — for  I  esteemed  them  all  as 
nothing,  in  comparison  with  those  pains  and  torments  I  en¬ 
dured  at  first.  I  was  very  resigned  to  God’s  will  then,  even 
though  lie  should  have  left  me  in  that  state  forever.  1 
think  that  the  reason  why  I  was  so  anxious  to  recover  was, 
that  I  might  apply  myself  all  alone  to  prayer  in  the  way  I 
had  been  instructed  ;  and  in  the  Infirmary  there  was  no  means 
of  doing  this.  I  confessed  my  sins  very  often.  I  frequently 
spoke  of  God  in  such  a  way  as  to  edify  every  one  ;  and,  in¬ 
deed,  they  were  amazed  to  see  the  patience  our  Lord  had 
given  me:  for  had  it  not  come  from  the  hand  of  His  Majesty, 
it  seems  impossible  I  could  have  suffered  so  many  afflictions 
with  such  great  pleasure. 

.  9reat  intleed  was  the  favor  our  Lord  bestowed  on  me  by 
giving  me  a  method  of  prayer  ;  for  thereby  I  came  to  under¬ 
stand  what  it  was  to  love  Him  ;  and  from  the  little  time  I 
spent  in  it,  I  observed  new  virtues  to  spring  up  within  me, 
though  they  were  not  strong,  nor  were  they  able  to  keep  me 
in  the  way  of  justice.  I  did  not  speak  ill  of  any  one  in  the 
slightest  degree,  for  my  ordinary  custom  was  to  avoid  all  kind 
of  detraction,  since  I  remembered  that  T  should  never  wish 
nor  say  anything  of  any  one,  which  I  did  not  wish  si  ould  be 
said  of  me.  Ibis  I  paid  particular  attention  to  on  all  occa¬ 
sions,  though  yet  not  so  perfectly  when  occasions  sometimes 
o  ered  themselves  of  my  breaking  my  rule*  still  it  was  my 
general  practice.  Those  who  were  in  my  company,  and  who 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


75 


spoke  to  me,  I  so  earnestly  persuaded  to  adopt  the  custom, 
that  it  became  natural  to  them.  Hence  it  was  understood, 
wherever  I  was,  that  all  absent  persons  were  secure ;  and  it 
was  also  the  case  with  those  who  were  my  friends  and  rela¬ 
tions,  or  others  whom  I  had  instructed.  And  though  in  many 
things  I  shall  have  to  give  a  strict  account  to  God,  yet  I 
hope  His  Majesty  may  be  pleased  to  pardon  the  bad  example 
I  gave  them — for  I  have  been  the  cause  of  much  evil,  though 
it  was  not  done  with  such  evil  intentions  as  those  actions  . 
were  whic'i  I  committed  afterwards.  I  was  still  desirous  of 
solitude,  and  loved  to  discourse  and  to  speak  on  God  ;  and 
if  I  could  find  any  one  to  enter  with  me  into  the  conversa¬ 
tion,  that  gave  me  more  pleasure  and  recreation  than  all  the 
polite  conversation — or  rather  grossness — of  the  world.  I 
also  loved  to  communicate  and  to  confess  much  more  fre¬ 
quently,  and  to  desire  doing  so.  I  became  very  fond  of 
reading  good  books,  and  began  to  have  such  a  deep  sorrow 
for  having  offended  God,  that  n  any  times  I  remember  I  dared 
not  pray,  because  I  feared  the  excessive  pain  which  I  was 
sure  to  feel  for  having  offended  Him,  as  a  severe  punishment 
for  my  sins ;  and  this  pain  became  afterwards  so  extreme, 
that  I  know  not  what  to  compare  it  to.  This  never  happened 
to  me,  either  more  or  less,  through  any  fear  I  had,  but  only 
when  I  remembered  those  caresses  our  Lord  granted  to  me 
in  prayer,  and  what  I  owed  Him  for  them ;  and  when  I 
saw  how  ill  I  repaid  Him,  I  could  not  endure  the  thought. 

.  I  was  also  extremely  troubled  on  account  of  the  many  tears 
I  shed  for  my  faults,  when  I  perceived  there  was  no  amend¬ 
ment  in  me ;  and  that  neither  my  resolutions,  nor  the  pains 
I  took  not  to  fall  any  more  when  the  occasions  of  sin  were 
offered,  were  of  any  avail.  My  tears  seemed  to  deceive  me, 
and  my  fault  appeared  so  much  the  greater,  because  I  was 
convinced  how  great  a  favor  our  Lord  bestowed  on  me  in 
granting  me  those  tears,  and  that  great  sorrow  which  I  felt. 

I  endeavored  to  confess  often :  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  I 
did  all  I  could  in  order  to  be  restored  to  a  state  of  grace. 
AH  the  evil  consisted  iji  not  pulling  up  the  “  occasions  ”  by 
the  root ;  my  confessors,  too,  helped  me  bu  little  :  but  had 
they  told  me  of  the  danger  in  which  I  was,  and  of  the  obli¬ 
gation  I  lay  under  to  break  off  those  conversations,  I  am 


76  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

convinced  the  evil  would  have  been  remedied ;  for,  on  no  ac¬ 
count  could  I  have  endured  to  remain,  even  one  day,  in 
mortal  sin,  had  I  known  I  was  in  that  state.  All  these  signs 
of  the  fear  of  God  came  to  me  through  prayer ;  and  the 
greatest  of  them  was,  that  I  went  on  wrapt  in  love,  and  the 
punishment  of  sin  I  did  not  think  of.  All  the  time  that  I 
was  sick,  I  kept  a  great  guard  over  my  conscience,  as  far  as 
concerned  mortal  sins.  But  0  my  God  !  how  much  did  I 
desire  my  health,  in  order  to  serve  Thee  better!  And  yet 
this  was  the  cause  of  all  my  misery.  And  now,  when  I  saw 
myself  a  cripple,  and  so  young  too,  and  how  the  physicians 
of  this  world  had  treated  me,  I  resolved  to  apply  to  heavenly 
physicians  for  my  cure,  which  I  still  desired  with  much 
earnestness,  though  I  bore  my  pains  with  joy.  Sometimes  I 
used  to  think,  that  if  by  recovering  my  health,  I  should  be 
condemned  to  hell,  it  would  be  better  for  me  to  remain  as  I 
was;  however,  I  thought  I  should  serve  God  much  better 
had  I  my  health.  Here  is  our  error,  in  not  entirely  resign¬ 
ing  ourselves  to  the  will  of  our  Lord,  who  knows  what  is  the 
best  for  us. 

In  the  mean  time,  I  began  to  get  some  masses  to  be  said 
for  me,  and  to  make  use  of  devotions  that  were  very  n  uch 
approved  of ;  for  I  was  never  fond  of  certain  other  devotions, 
which  some  persons — especially  women — went  through  with 
such  ceremonies  and  forms  as  I  could  not  endure ;  1  under¬ 
stood  that  they  bordered  on  superstition,  though  they  may 
have  excited  piety  in  some  people.  I  took  for  my  advocate 
and  master  the  glorious  St.  Joseph,  and  1  recommended  my¬ 
self  much  to  him ;  for  I  saw  clearly,  that  where  my  honor 
and  the  loss  of  my  soul  were  concerned,  my  father  and  master 
delivered  me  from  that  danger,  as  well  as  from  others  still 
greater  :  and  this  with  more  advantage  than  I  could  desire  my¬ 
self.  Up  to  this  time,  I  cannot  remember  having  asked  him  for 
anything  which  he  did  not  obtain.  I  am  quite  amazed  when 
I  consider  the  great  favors  our  Lord  has  shown  me,  through 
the  intercession  of  this  blessed  saint,  and  the  many  dangers, 
both  of  soul  and  body,  from  which  he  has  delivered  me.  It 
seems,  that  to  other  saints,  our  Lord  has  given  power  to 
succor  us  in  only  one  kind  of  necessity ;  but  this  glorious 
saint,  1  know  by  my  experience,  assists  us  in  all  kinds  of 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  7? 

necessities  :  hence  our  Lord,  it  appears,  wishes  us  to  under¬ 
stand,  that  as  He  was  obedient  to  him  when  on  earth  (for 
he  was  called  His  father ;  and  being,  as  it  were,  His  tutor, 
he  could  command  Him;)  so  now  in  heaven  He  grants  him 
whatever  he  asks.  This  truth  many  others  also  have  ex¬ 
perienced,  who  have  recommended  themselves  to  him  by  my 
desire :  many  are  now  devoted  to  him,  and  I  myself  have 
fresh  experience  of  his  power. 

I  endeavored  to  celebrate  his  festival  with  all  the  solemnity 
I  was  able,  but  with  more  vanity  than  true  devotion,  as  I 
desired  it  should  be  kept  very  properly  and  exactly,  though 
yet  my  intention  was  good.  But  this  was  my  fault :  that 
whenever  our  Lord  gave  me  grace  to  perform  any  good  action, 
it  was  full  of  many  faults  and  imperfections ;  whereas,  in  the 
pursuit  of  curiosity,  and  vanity,  and  anything  evil,  I  used 
great  dexterity  and  diligence;  may  our  Lord  pardon  me! 
Would  that  I  could  persuade  all  men  to  be  devout  to  this 
glorious  saint,  by  reason  of  the  great  experience  I  have  had 
of  the  blessings  he  obtains  from  Grod.  I  have  never  known 
any  one  who  was  truly  devoted  to  him,  who  performed  par¬ 
ticular  devotions  in  his  honor,  that  did  not  advance  more  in 
virtue,  for  he  assists  in  a  special  manner  those  souls  who 
recommend  themselves  to  him.  During  many  years  I  was 
accustomed  to  ask  some  favor  of  him,  and  I  remember  it  was 
always  granted ;  and  if  sometimes  my  petition  had  something 
wrong  about  it,  he  rectified  it  for  my  greater  good. 

Were  I  a  person  who  had  authority  to  write,  I  would 
glsxily  enlarge  here,  and  relate,  in  detail,  the  favors  which 
this  glorious  saint  obtained  both  for  me  and  others  ;  but  in 
order  that  I  may  do  no  more  than  what  I  am  commanded,  I 
must  be  shorter  in  many  things  than  I  could  wish,  and  more 
diffuse  in  other  points  than  is  necessary ;  in  a  word,  I  am  like 
one  who  has  but  little  discretion  in  doing  anything  which  is 
good.  I  only  request,  for  the  love  of  Grod,  that  whoever  will 
not  believe  me,  will  prove  the  truth  of  what  I  say ;  for  he 
will  see,  by  experience,  how  great  a  blessing  it  is  to  recom¬ 
mend  one’s  self  to  this  glorious  patriarch,  and  to  be  devout 
to  him.  Those  persons  especially  who  are  given  to  prayer 
should  ever  be  devoted  to  him,  for  I  know  not  how  he  can 
think  of  the  Queen  of  Angels — at  the  time  when  she  suffered 

7* 


78 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


so  much  on  account  of  the  child  Jesus — and  not  give  thanks 
to  St.  Joseph  for  the  assistance  he  gave  them.  Whoever 
wants  a  master  to  instruct  him  how  to  pray,  let  him  take  this 
glorious  saint  for  his  guide,  and  he  will  "not  lose  his  way. 
Crod  grant  I  may  not  have  committed  any  error,  in  speaking 
as  I  have  of  such  a  saint !  For  though  I  thus  profess  to  be 
devoted  to  him,  yet  I  have  always  failed  in  imitating  his 
\  ir tues ;  but  he  acted  like  himself,  by  enabling  me  to  rise, 
and  walk,  and  to  be  no  more  a  cripple ;  and  so  I  also  acted 
like  myself,  by  making  so  bad  a  use  of  this  favor. 

A\  ho  could  ever  have  supposed,  that  I  should  so  soon  have 
fallen  back  again,  after  His  Majesty  had  begun  to  bestow 
some  \  11  tues  on  me  ,  after  having  received  so  many  favors 
from  God,  which,  of  themselves,  excited  me  to  serve  Him  : 
after  I  had  seen  myself  as  if  it  were  dead,  and  in  such  dan¬ 
ger  of  being  condemned  to  hell ;  and  after  he  had  raised 
both  my  soul  and  body  in  such  a  manner,  that  all  who  saw 
me  weie  amazed  to  behold  me  alive?  What  a  misery  is  it, 
0  my  Fold!  that  we  should  live  in  such  a  dangerous  life.1 
While  I  am  now  writing  these  lines,  it  seems  I  may  say,  by 
-Thy  fa^  or  and  mercy,  what  St.  Paul  said  i(  X  live  now,  not 
I,  but  Christ  liveth  in  1116,” — though  not  with  the  same  per¬ 
fection  as  he  did ,  and  according  to  the  experience  which  I 
have  now  had  for  some  years,  Thou  still  keepest  Thy  hand 
over  me,  and  I  find  myself  tilled  with  desires  and  resolutions 
(and  in  many  things  I  have  experienced  this  for  a  longtime), 
not  to  do  anything  against  Thy  will,  however  small  It  may 
be,  though  I  know  I  must  commit  many  offences  against 
our  Majesty  without  my  knowing  it.  And  it  also  seems, 
that  nothing  could  be  proposed  to  me  which  I  would  not 
resolutely  perform  for  love  of  Thee  ;  and  in  some  things 
Ihou  hast  assisted  me,  so  that  I  might  succeed  in  them.  I 
caie  not  for  the  world,  nor  for  the  things  of  the  world ;  and 
I  find  that  nothing  whatever  gives  me  any  pleasure  which 
uocs  not  come  from  you,  and  everything  else  seems  a  heavy 
cross.  J 

I  may,  however,  easily  deceive  myself  in  this  point;  and 
so  I  think  I  do,  for  I  do  not  possess  all  that  I  have 
spoken  of;  but  Thou  knowest  well,  0  my  I^ord !  that  I  do 
not  lie  as  far  as  I  know.  I  fear,  with  much  reason,  lest, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


79 


perhaps,  Thou  mayest  leave  me  again,  for  I  know  now  how  far 
my  strength  goes,  and  what  little  virtue  I  possess,  in  case 
Thou  art  not  near,  to  bless  me  and  to  help  me,  that  so  I  may 
never  desert  Thee  :  and  may  thy  Majesty  grant,  that  I  be 
not  already  forsaken  by  Thee,  while  I  am  thus  saying  so 
much  about  myself!  I  know  not  how  we  can  desire  to  live, 
since  all  things  are  so  uncertain  here.  It  appeared  to  me,  0 
Lord!  impossible  that  I  should  entirely  desert  Thee;  but 
since  I  have  forsaken  Thee  so  often,  I  cannot  help  fearing 
the  like  again,  because  when  Thou  retirest  even  a  little  from 
me,  everything  falls  to  the  ground.  Blessed,  be  Thou  for¬ 
ever  ;•  for  although  I  forsook  Thee,  yet  Thou  didst  not 
entirely  forsake  me,  but  didst  give  me  Thy  hand,  that  so  I 
might  rise  up  again  ;  and  often,  0  Lord !  I  would  not  take 
hold  of  it,  nor  would  I  understand  how  frequently  Thou 
didst  call  me  again,  as  I  will  now  relate. 


CHAPTER  YU. 

SHE  SHOWS  BY  WHAT  DEGREES  SHE  WENT  ON  LOSING  THE  FAVORS 
WHICH  OUR  LORD  HAD  SHOWN  HER,  AND  HOW  WICKED  HER  LIFE 
BEGAN  TO  BE. 

I  began  from  one  pastime  to  another,  from  vanity  to 
vanity,  and  from  one  occasion  to  another,  to  cast  myself 
very  deeply  into  very  great  occasions ;  and  my  soul  became 
so  disordered  with  many  vanities,  that  I  already  grew 
ashamed  to  approach  to  God  with  that  familiarity,  such  as 
frequent  prayer  requires ;  and  what  helped  me  on  to  this 
was,  that  as  my  sins  increased,  the  joy  and  delight  which  I 
had  found  in  the  exercise  of  virtue  began  to  fail  me.  I  now 
perceived  very  clearly,  0  my  Lord  !  that  these  blessings 
were  wanting  to  me,  because  I  had  first  been  wanting  to 
Thee.  This  was  the  most  terrible  deceit  which  the  devil 
could  bring  upon  me,  when  I  began  to  fear  to  practice  men¬ 
tal  prayer ;  because  I  saw  myself  in  so  bad  a  way,  that  I 
thought  it  would  be  better  for  me  to  proceed  as  the  multi¬ 
tude  did — since  I  was  one  of  the  worst  of  sinners,  and  to 
pray  only  as  much  as  I  was  obliged,  and  that  but  vocally ; 


80 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


since  a  person  who  deserved  to  he  with  devils  should  not 
inake  use  of  mental  prayer,  nor  hold  so  close  a  communica¬ 
tion  with  God :  and  that  I  was  only  deceiving  the  world, 
because  I  had  an  outward  appearance  of  virtue.  But  for 
this  reason,  the  house  wherein  I  lived  did  not  deserve  any 
blame,  because  by  my  cunning  I  managed  that  people  should 
have  a.  good  opinion  of  me,  though  I  did  not  act  in  this  way 
purposely  to  counterfeit  piety  5  for  as  regards  hypocrisy 
and  vain -glory,  I  thank  God  that  I  remember  not  to  have 
offended  Him  therein — as  far  as  I  can  perceive;  for,  on  the 
very  first  motion  to  commit  that  kind  of  sin,  I  felt  so  much 
trouble  that  the  devil  went  away  with  loss.,  and  I  gained 
thereby;  and  thus  he  tempted  me  but  very  little  in  this 
respect.  If,  however,  God  had  allowed  him  to  tempt  me 
as  strongly  in  this  as  he  did  in  other  things,  I  should  have 
fallen  into  this  sin  also  :  but  hitherto  His  Majesty  has  been 
pleased  to  preserve  me,  for  which  may  He  be  forever  blessed ! 
But  I  was  rather  much  troubled,  that  they  should  have  such 
a  good  opinion  of  me,  considering  what  I  knew  of  myself 
privately.  The  reason  why  they  believed  me  not  to  be  so 
wicked  was,  that  they  saw  me  retire — being  so  young — many 
times  and  on  several  occasions  to  solitude  and  to  prayer. 
They  noticed  that  I  read  much  and  prayed  much,  and  spoke 
of  God ;  that  I  was  fond  of  making  pictures  of  our  Saviour, 
and  putting  them  up  in  many  places;  of  making  oratories, 
and  ot  placing  there  whatever  tended  to  excite  devotion ; 
that  I  spoke  ill  of  no  one  ;  and  other  things  of  the  like  na¬ 
ture  they  observed,  which  bore  an  appearance  of  virtue ;  and 
I  knew  well  (so  vain  was  I)  how  to  gain  esteem  for  myself 
in  those  things,  which  the  world  is  accustomed  to  prize. 

By  these  observations  of  theirs,  they  allowed  me  as  much, 
and  even  more  liberty,  than  to  the  older  religious  women  of 
the  house  :  and  they  had  great  confidence  in  me,  for  as  to 
my  taking  any  liberties,  or  doing  anything  without  leave,  or 
even  speaking  with  any  one  by  night  in  holes  or  corners,  was 
what  I  could  never  think  of ;  even  so  fai;  as  to  talk  of  any 
such  thing  in  a  monastery  I  never  did,  because  our  Lord 
held  me  by  His  hand.  It  seemed  to  me  (for  I  reflected 
much  and  attentively  on  many  things),  that  to  expose  the 
honor  of  so  many  Beligious  to  chance,  they  being  so  good 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  8] 

and  I  so  wicked,  would  have  been  a  very  unworthy  action  in 
me.  But  why  do  I  speak  of  my  having  avoided  the  com¬ 
mission  of  evil,  as  if  other  things  which  I  did  had  been  well 
done  ?  The  truth  is,  that  the  evil  which  I  did  was  not  done 
with  so  much  reflection  as  this  would  have  required,  though 
still  it  was  too  much. 

On  this  account,  it  seems  to  me,  that  not  living  in  a  monas¬ 
tery  which  was  enclosed  did  me  much  harm,  though  those 
who  were  good  might  continue  in  it  without  any  disadvan¬ 
tage,  because  they  were  bound  to  no  more,  not  having  made 
a  vow  of  enclosure :  but  as  for  me,  who  am  so  wicked,  I 
should  certainly  have  been  carried  to  hell,  had  not  our  Lord 
drawn  me  out  of  this  danger  by  many  especial  favors  and 
remedies  ;  and  so  I  think  that  a  monastery  of  women  having 
such  liberty,  is  very  dangerous  for  them  :  in  my  eyes  it  seems 
to  be  more  a  road  leading  to  hell  those  who  desire  to  be 
wicked,  than  a  remedy  for  their  weakness.  What  I  say 
does  not  refer  to  my  monastery,  for  therein  are  so  many  who 
truly  and  with  great  perfection  serve  our  Lord,  that  His 
Majesty  (being  so  good)  cannot  fail  to  confer  favors  upon 
them ;  and  this  monastery  is  not  one  of  those  which  are  most 
relaxed,  for  every  kind  of  good  discipline  is  observed  in  it : 
but  I  speak  of  other  houses  which  I  have  seen  and  known. 
I  say  then  that  these  excite  my  compassion,  for  the  Religious 
have  need  of  'particular  calls  from  our  Lord — not  once,  but 
often — in  order  to  be  saved,  considering  how  much  the 
honors  and  amusements  of  the  world  are  authorized  there, 
and  how  little  they  understand  the  obligations  which  bind 
them.  God  grant  that  they  may  not  consider  as  virtue,  that 
which  is  sinful,  as  I  myself  often  did  ;  and  there  is  so  much 
difficulty  in  making  this  understood,  that  it  is  nec'essary 
our  blessed  Lord  himself  should,  in  reality,  put  His  hand  to 
the  work. 

If  parents  would  take  my  advice  (since  they  will  not  place 
their  daughters  where  they  may  walk  in  the  way  of  salvation, 
but  rather  where  they  will  encounter  more  danger  than  if 
they  were  in  the  world),  I  would  advise  them  to  consider 
their  own  honor,  and  rather  to  marry  them  very  meanly, 
than  to  place  them  in  such  monasteries — unless  they  bo 
virtuously  inclined  :  and  God  grant  that  even  this  may  profit 


82 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


them.  If  the  parents  do  not  like  what  I  recommend,  they 
might  keep  their  daughters  at  home ;  for  if  they  wish  to  be 
wicked,  they  can  keep  it  secret  only  for  a  short  time  ;  but 
in  the  monastery,  their  wickedness  may  remain  hidden  for  a 
long  time,  though  in  the  end  our  Lord  is  accustomed  to  dis¬ 
cover  it.  But  they  hurt  not  only  themselves,  but  all  the 
others  also ;  and  sometimes  these  poor  creatures  are  not  to 
be  blamed,  because  they  only  do  that  which  they  find  prac¬ 
ticed.  It  is  a  pity  to  see  how  many,  who  desire  to  separate 
themselves  from  the  world,  and  to  avoid  its  dangers,  think¬ 
ing  that  they  go  to  the  monastery  to  serve  God,  do,  never¬ 
theless,  find  themselves  cast  into  ten  worlds,  where  they 
know  not  what  to  do,  nor  how  to  help  themselves.  Youth, 
and  sensuality,  and  the  devil  incline  them  to  follow  some 
things,  which  belong  to  the  world,  and  so  they  come  to  con¬ 
sider  them  good.  In  this  respect  methinks  they  are  like 
those  unhappy  heretics,  who  wish  to  blind  themselves,  and 
then  persuade  themselves  that  those  opinions  which  they 
follow  are  sound ;  and  so  they  believe  them  to  be  true, 
though  in  reality  it  is  not  the  case,  for  they  have  something 
within  them  which  tells  them  they  are  wrong.  0  the  misery, 
the  extreme  misery,  of  those  Religious  (and  1  speak  now  of 
men  as  well  as  women),  among  whom  discipline  is  not  ob¬ 
served,  and  where  in  the  same  monastery  two  different  ways 
are  kept:  one,  the  way  of  virtue  and  discipline;  and  the 
other  quite  the  opposite,  though  both  are  considered  almost 
alike — or  rather,  I  should  say,  just  the  same.  On  account 
of  our  sins,  it  happens  that  we  walk  along  that  way  which  is 
the  most  dangerous  ;  and  as  the  greater  number  go  along  it, 
this  makes  the  road  more  agreeable  to  us.  Thus  so  little  is 
true  religion  observed,  that  both  religious  men  and  women,  who 
wish  to  commence  in  earnest  to  follow  their  vocation,  have 
more  reason  to  fear  the  very  persons  with  whom  they  live,  than 
even  the  devils  themselves  :  and  they  are  obliged  to  be  more 
cautious  in  speaking  of  the  love  which  they  ought  to  have 
for  God,  than  of  those  friendships  and  affections  which  the 
devil  introduces  into  these  monasteries.  I  see  no  reason, 

then,  why  we  should  be  astonished  on  beholding  so  many 
evils  in  the  Church,  since  those  who  ought  to  be  patterns  of 
virtue  to  others,  have  allowed  the  spirit  of  their  holy 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


83 

founders  to  be  extinguished  in  them.  May  God  apply  such 
a  remedy  as  He  sees  necessary.  Amen.  "  1  ■ 

In  the  meantime,  when  I  began  to  use  such  conversations 
as  these,  I  little  thought  that  so  great  distractions  and  other 
damages  would  come  to  my  soul  by  such  bind  of  acquaint- 
nces,  since  I  saw  they  were  so  much  used  by  others:  and  I 
conceived,  that  so  general  a  thing  as  it  is  to  make  visits,  in 

be  D0  greater  PreJ«di«e  to  me  than 

no7rt  ?  *v  herS  ?bom 1  kn6W  t0  be  g°od'  But  1  considered 
not  that  those  others  were  much  more  virtuous  than  myself- 

and  that  those  things  which  were  of  greater  danger  to  me’ 

were  not,  perhaps,  so  very  dangerous  to  them ;  though  yet 

„,lie‘'lr,,thf®  must  tie  some  danger;  and,  at  best,  I  am  quite 

tuat  it  is  no  better  than  time  very  ill  spent.  Being 

once  with  a  certain  person,  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  give  me 

LU7  cT  aDd’;nn- the  V6K  beginninS  of  our  acquaintance, 
that  such  fnendships  would  m.no  way  be  profitable  to  me 

tor  Christ  our  Lord  represented  Himself  before  me  with 

fver,ty  (*n  Bls  countenance),  and  gave  me  to  under¬ 
stand  how  much  He  was  disgusted  at  my  conduct.  I  saw 

WH°n  y  I1*0  the  eiyeS,°f  my  souI>  but  >et  mucl>  “ore  dis- 

whh  rt,»aUd  “T  Cl le1ar‘y  than  1  could  possibly  have  done 
with  the  eyes  of  my  body  :  and  He  remained  so  deeply  im¬ 
printed  there,  that  although  this  happened  to  me  above 
twenty-six  years  ago,  methinks  He  is  still  as  present  to  me 

astonished  T  i  1  S°  aItered’  and  was  a,s0  80 

stomshed,  that  I  intended  to  see  that  person  no  more.  It 

did  me  a  great  deal  of  harm  that  I  knew  not,  at  the  time,  it 

as  possible  for  one  to  see  anything  but  with  the  eyes  of  the 

body;  and  the  devil  was  careful  enough  to  make  me  con! 

tinue  in  that  erroneous  opinion,  and  to  make  me  still  be- 

I6;®  **  was  ™PO^‘ble,  and  therefore  that  I  had  but  fancied 
these  things  to  myself,  and  that  perhaps  it  might  be  a  delu¬ 
de  ’j  T  convinced  it  was  God,  and  no  delu- 

at  alb  .  But’  because  it  was  against  my  inclination,  I 
tried  to  deceive  myself;  and  as  I  durst  not  confer  with  any 
one  about  the  matter,  though  greatly  importuned  to  do  it, 
assuring  myself  that  there  could  b:  no  evil  ,n  seeing  such  a 
J  son,  and  that  there  would  be  no  loss,  but  rr.thcr  gain  by 
,  I  letui-ncd  to  the  same  conversation,  and  even  on  some 


84 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


occasions  to  others ;  and  for  many  years  I  took  this  pestilen¬ 
tial  recreation ;  and  being  once  engaged  in  it,  it  seemed  to 
me  not  to  be  so  very  bad  as  it  indeed  was,  though  some¬ 
times  I  perceived  clearly  enough  that  it  was  not  good.  But 
yet  no  other  conversation  distracted  me  so  much  as  this  did, 
on  account  of  the  great  affection  I  had  for  the  person. 

Another  time,  when  I  was  in  company  with  the  same  indi¬ 
vidual,  both  of  us  saw  coming  towards  us  (and  there  were 
others  also  present  who  saw  it),  something  in  the  shape  of  a 
great  toad,  which  passed  on  with  much  greater  speed  than 
such  animals  usually  do.  I  could  not  understand  how  such 
a  filthy  beast  could  get  into  the  room*  through  that  part 
whence  it  came,  and  even  at  noon- day  ;  such  a  thing  had 
never  .been  seen  there  before.  The  effect  which  this  appear¬ 
ance  wrought  in  me  seems  not  to  have  been  without  some 
mystery,  and  it  was  an  event  which  I  could  never  forget. 
Oh,  Greatness  of  God !  with  how  much  care  and  pity  didst 
thou  admonish  me  in  so  many  Ways,  and  how  little  was  the 
profit  I  derived  thereby  ! 

There  was  in  this  house  a  certain  elderly  nun,  a  great 
servant  of  God,  and  who  was  a  relation  of  mine  :  she  some¬ 
times  gave  me  good  advice  ;  but  I  not  only  not  believed  her, 
but  I  was  even  disgusted  with  her,  thinking  she  was  offended 
with  me  without  cause.  All  this  I  relate  here,  in  order  that 
both  my  wickedness  and  the  great  goodness  of  God  may  be 
the  better  understood,  and  that  it  may  appear  how  well  I 
deserved  hell  for  my  ingratitude  :  and  another  object  I  also 
have,  that  if  our  Lord  should  so  ordain,  and  should  be  pleased 
that  any  religious  women  should  read  this  discourse,  they 
may  take  warning  by  me.  I  beg  of  them,  for  the  love  of  our 
Lord,  that  they  will  fly  from  such  recreations  as  these ;  and 
I  beseech  TIis  Majesty,  that  some  of  those  whom  I  have  de¬ 
ceived  may  be  disabused,  for  I  told  them  there  was  no  harm 
in  those  things ;  and  (being  in  great  blindness  at  that  time) 
I  assured  them  also  there  was  no  danger;  and,  as  I  have  be¬ 
fore  said,  by  the  bad  example  which  1  gave  them,  I  was  the 
cause  of  much  harm  to  them,  though  I  thought  I  was  doing 
no  harm  at  all. 

While  I  was  yet  very  infirm  in  those  first  days,  before  I 
knew  how  to  help  myself,  I  conceived  an  extreme  desire  to 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  85 

do  others  good,  which  is  a  very  common  temptation  for  be¬ 
ginners,  though  it  happened  to  succeed  well  with  me.  *  As  I 
loved  my  father  very  dearly,  I  desired  he  might  receive  the 
same  benefit  which  I  thought  I  had  gained  myself,  by  means 
of  mental  prayer ;  and  being  of  opinion,  that  in  this  life 
there  was  no  greater  blessing  than  to  practice  such  kind  of 
prayer,  I  began,  by  indirect  discourses,  to  try  all  in  my 
power  that  he  might  obtain  it,  and  for  this  object  I  gave  him 
some  books.  Being  so  virtuous  a  man,  as  I  have  already  men¬ 
tioned,  he  applied  himself  so  diligently  to  this  exercise,  that 
within  five  or  six  years  he  advanced  so  much,  that  I  blessed 
our  Lord  very  much  for  the  favor,  and  it  gave  me  the 
greatest  consolation.  The  troubles  he  endured  were  various 
and  very  severe,  all  of  which  he  endured  with  much  con¬ 
formity  (to  God’s  will).  He  often  came  to  see  me,  and  de- 
uved  great  comfort  by  speaking  on  holy  things.  But  when 
now  I  was  living  in  such  distraction  that  I  left  off  mental 
prayer,  and  as  I  saw  that  he  still  thought  me  to  be  the  very 
same  that  I  had  been  before,  I  was  not  able  to  endure  this 
without  undeceiving  him.  I  had  passed  a  year  and  more 
without  prayer,  thinking  it  was  more  humility  in  me  to  ab¬ 
stain,  which  was  the  greatest  temptation  I  ever  had,  as  I 
shall  afterwards  mention,  for  by  this  means  I  ran  headlong 
towards  my  total  ruin ;  whereas,  when  I  practiced  prayer,  if 
I  offended  God  one  day,  I  recollected  myself  the  next,  and 
removed  myself  farther  from  the  occasion.  Wherefore,  as 
my  good  father  came  when  I  was  in  this  state,  thinking  that 
I  still  conversed  with  God,  as  I  formerly  had  done,  it  was 
too  much  for  me  to  see  him  so  greatly  deceived ;  and  so  I 
told  him  that  I  no  longer  used  mental  prayer,  though  I  did 
not  mention  the  cause.  I  alleged,  however,  my  infirmities 
as  the  obstacle ,  for  although  I  had  recovered  from  my  severe 
illness,  still  I  always  had  afflictions,  and  very  great  ones  too  ; 
of  late  years  they  were  not  indeed  so  violent  and  painful’ 
but  they  failed  not  still  to  continue  in  many  ways.  For 
twenty  years  together,  in  particular,  I  had  vomitings  every 
morning  to  such  a  degree,  that  I  could  never  break  my  fast 
till  noon  was  over — yea,  and  sometimes  later.  That  I  am 
now  able  to  receive  the  blessed  Sacrament  more  frequently 
proceed',  from  this  cause — that  these  vomitings  come  on  at 
8 


86 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


mglit  before  I  go  to  bed,  and  then  they  give  much  more  pain, 
for  I  am  obl.ged  to  hasten  them  by  means  of  feathers  and 
other  things  ;  because  if  I  have  not  these  vomits,  the  pain 
wlucn  I  feel  is  extreme.  But  I  think  I  am  seldom  or  ever 
without  many  pains,  and  sometimes  these  are  very  sharp 
especially  at  my  heart,  though  still  all  my  sickness,  &c  ’ 
which  used  to  come  upon  me  so  thickly,  now  come  only  sel¬ 
dom— such  as  the  dreadful  palsy,  and  other  fevers,  which 
used  to  attack  me,  so  that  now  I  often  find  myself  in  good 
health.  But  I  have  made  so  little  account  of  these  sufferings 
for  the  last  eight  years,  that  sometimes  I  am  even  glad  I 
have  them,  thinking  that  our  Lord  may  be  somewhat  served 
thereby.  .  As  my  father  believed  that  this  was  the  cause  of 
my  omission,  and  as  he  never  told  an  untruth  himself,  he 
had  no  reason  to  think  but  that  I  told  the  truth,  considering 
on  what  subject  I  was  then  discoursing  with  him.  And  that 
lie  might  believe  me  the  more,  1  told  him  also  that  I  had 
enough  to.  do  to  be  able  to  assist  in  the  choir  (though  I  saw 
clearly  this  was  not  a  sufficient  excuse),  to  make  me  omit 
such  a  practice,  since  for  such  an  action  there  is  no  need  of 
corporeal  strength,  but  only  of  love  and  habit,  because  our 
Lord  will  always  give  us  an  opportunity,  if  we  ourselves  have 
the  will  and  inclination.  I  say,  “  always”  because,  thou-h 
infirmities  and  other  causes  may  sometimes  hinder  one  from 
spending  many  hours  in  solitude,  yet  we  shall  have  some 
other  times  wherein  we  may  have  health  enough  for  bein^  in 
solitude,  and  even  during  the  same  sickness;  for,  on  such 
occasions,  the  best,  prayer  may  be  made  (since  it  is  the  soul 
which  loves),  by  offering  up  our  pains  to  God ;  by  remem¬ 
bering  for  whose  sake  they  are  endured;  and  by  conforming 
ourselves  to  His  will,  and  in  a  thousand  other  ways  tha* 
may  offer  themselves.  Thus  we  may  exercise  our  love  ;  for 
there  is  no  necessity,  either  for  one  to  be  in  solitude,  or  to 
use  mental  prayer  at  all.  If  we  take  a  little  care,  we  may 
obtain  great  blessings,  even  when  our  Lord  takes  away  from 
us  opportunities  for  prayer,  by  sending  us  sickness  :  and  I 
myself  found  tins  to  be  true,  as  long  as  I  kept  my  conscience 
pure.  But  my  father,  through  the  opinion  which  he  had  of 
me,  and  the  love  he  Lore  me,  not  only  believed  all  I  said, 
but  pitied  me.  As  he  now  found  himself  raised  to  such  an 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


87 


eminent  degree  of  prayer,  he  did  not  remain  very  long  with 
me,  considering  his  stay  to  be  loss  of  time,  and  therefore  he 
returned  home.  Being  desirous  of  spending  my  time  on  other 
vanities,  I  was  little  troubled  at  his  departure. 

But  I  not  only  persuaded  him,  but  others  also,  to  apply 
themselves  to  prayer,  even  while  I  was  in  the  midst  of  these 
vanities ;  as  I  found  them  fond  of  vocal  prayer,  I  told  them 
how  to  make  use  of  meditation,  and  gave  them  books  and 
did  them  good,  for  I  still  had  a  desire  that  others  should 
serve  God,  even  from  the  time  that  I  began  to  practice 
mental  prayer,  as  I  before  mentioned.  It  seemed  to  me, 
that  as  I  did  not  serve  our  Lord  so  well  as  I  should,  I  was 
desirous  that  the  light  which  His  Majesty  had  bestowed  upon 
me  might  not  be  lost,  but  that  others  should  serve  Him  by 
my  means.  I  relate  this  here  to  show  the  great  blindness 
in  which  I  was,  which  exposed  me  to  the  danger  of  losing 
myself,  while  I  was  endeavoring  to  do  good  to  others. 

About  this  time  my  father  fell  ill  of  the  sickness  of  which 
he  died,  and  which  continued  only  a  few  days.  I  went  to 
attend  him,  being  more  sick  in  my  soul  than  he  was  in  the 
body,  on  account  of  my  numerous  vanities,  though  not  to 
such  a  degree  as  to  think  I  was  in  mortal  sin,  even  in  the 
worst  time  of  my  wickedness  ;  for,  certainly,  if  I  had  thought 
so,  I  would  never  have  continued  therein.  1  suffered  much 
during  his  illness,  and  I  think,  in  some  slight  way,  I  made 
up  for  the  trouble  lie  took  with  me  when  I  was  ill.  Though 
very  unwell  then,  I  endeavored  to  assist  him  all  I  could ; 
for  I  reflected  how  in  losing  him,  I  should  lose  all  my  joy  and 
comfort,  for  in  him  I  placed  them.  But  I  animated  myself 
in  such  a  way  as  not  to  show  him  I  was  in  any  pain,  and  con¬ 
tinued  till  he  expired  as  if  I  felt  no  trouble  at  all ;  though 
when  I  saw  him  on  the  point  of  death,  it  seemed  as  if  my 
soul  had  been  torn  from  my  body,  for  I  loved  him  much. 

The  death  of  my  father  caused  me  to  praise  our  Lord,  to¬ 
gether  with  the  desire  he  had  to  die,  and  the  good  counsels 
he  gave  us  after  he  had  received  extreme  unction ;  and  how 
he  charged  us  to  recommend  him  to  God,  and  to  beg  for 
mercy  for  him,  exhorting  us  always  to  serve  Him,  and  to  con¬ 
sider  how  evervtbim?  emies  to  an  end.  He  told  us  also,  with 
tears,  Low  very  grieved  he  was  at  not  having  served  God  better, 


88' 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


and  that  lie  wished  he  had  been  a  Religious  in  the  strictest 
Order  that  existed.  I  consider  it  certain,  that,  some  fifteen 
days  before,  our  Lord  gave  him  to  understand  he  was  to  die  ; 
because  before  that  time  he  did  not  think  himself  very  ill, 
though  he  was  so  in  reality  ;  but  afterwards,  though  he 
seemed  to  grow  better,  and  the  doctors  told  him  so,  yet  he 
paid  no  attention  to  them,  but  only  thought  of  putting  his 
soul  in  order.  His  sickness  began  with  a  very  grievous  pain 
in  his  shoulders,  which  never  left  him,  and  sometimes  it  was 
so  severe  that  he  suffered  exceedingly.  I  told  him  that  since 
he  had  been  so  devoted  to  that  part  of  our  Lord’s  passion  in 
which  He  carried  Ilis  cross,  he  should  consider  our  Lord  was 
pleased  that  he  should  feel  something  of  what  He  himself 
then  suffered  ;  and  he  was  so  comforted  by  this  thought,  that 
I  do  not  remember  to  have  heard  him  complain  any  more. 
For  three  days  he  seemed  to  have  lost  his  reason  ;  but,  on 
the  day  he  died,  our  Lord  restored  it  to  him  so  entirely,  that 
we  were  all  amazed  thereat ;  and  so  he  continued  reciting  the 
Creed,  and  when  he  came  to  the  middle  of  it  he  expired. 
When  he  was  dead,  he  looked  like  an  angel ;  and  such,  in 
my  opinion,  he  was  (so  to  speak),  both  in  soul  and  disposition  ; 
this  latter  was  extremely  good.  I  do  not  know  why  I  have 
spoken  so  much  of  him,  unless  it  be  to  condemn  my  own 
wickedness,  inasmuch  as,  after  having  witnessed  such  a  death, 
and  known  he  led  such  a  life,  T  ought  to  have  reformed  mine, 
so  as  to  have  in  some  degree  resembled  my  father.  His  con¬ 
fessor,  who  was  a  Dominican,  and  a  very  learned  man, 
asserted  that  he  had  no  doubt  my  father  would  go  straight 
*  to  heaven  ;  for  he  had  been  his  confessor  for  many  years,  and 
spoke  much  of  the  purity  of  his  conscience. 

This  Dominican  father,  being  a  very  worthy  man,  and  a 
true  servant  of  God,  did  me  a  great  deal  of  good,  for  I  “con¬ 
fessed  ”  to  him  :  he  undertook  the  care  of  my  soul  with  great 
diligence,  and  made  me  understand  the  way  of  perdition,  in 
%  which  I  was  walking.  He  also  made  me  communicate  every 
fifteen  days  ;  and  when  I  spoke  to  him  about  the  nature  of  my 
prayer,  he  told  me  I  must  not  fail  to  use  it,  for  that  I  could 
not  in  any  way  practice  it  without  deriving  advantage.  i 
began,  therefore,  to  use  it  again  ;  and  from  that  time  forward 
I  never  left  it  off,  though  I  did  not  then  quit  the  occasions 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


89 


of  sin.  In  the  mean  time  I  passed  a  most  miserable  life,  for 
in  my  prayer  I  came  to  know  my  faults  ;  God  called  me  on 
the  one  hand,  and  on  the  other  the  world ;  all  the  things  of 
God  gave  me  great  pleasure,  but  the  vanities  of  the  world 
held  me  in  chains ;  and  it  seems  1  had  a  desire  to  reconcile 
these  two  contraries,  which  are  such  enemies  one  to  another, 
viz.,  a  spiritual  life,  and  the  pleasures  and  pastimes  of  the 
world.  In  prayer  I  endured  great  affliction,  because  my  soul 
was  not  master,  but  a  slave  ;  and  thus  I  was  unable  to  retire 
within  my  heart  (which  was  my  method  of  proceeding  I 
formerly  used  in  prayer),  without  at  the  same  time  shutting 
up  with  me  a  thousand  vanities.  In  this  way  I  passed  several 
years,  so  that  I  am  now  astonished  how  it  happened  that  I 
did  not  correct  my  faults,  or  that  I  did  not  abandon  prayer. 
I  know  well  that  it  was  no  longer  in  my  power  to  abandon 
prayer,  for  He  held  me  in  His  hands  who  had  resolved  to  do 
me  greater  favors.  Oh  !  that  I  could  declare  the  occasions 
of  doing  ill,  which  God  removed  from  me  in  those  years,  and 
how  I  put  myself  again  into  them ;  that  I  could  mention  the 
danger  I  was  in,  from  which  he  delivered  me,  of  losing  all 
my  reputation  ;  how  I  endeavored  to  discover  by  my  actions 
what  kind  of  a  creature  I  was,  and  how  our  Lord  concealed 
my  faults,  and  made  me  know  the  little  virtue  I  possessed, — 
if  indeed  I  had  any  at  all, — so  that  it  appeared  great  in  the 
eyes  of  all  men,  in  such  a  way  that  they  always  esteemed  me 
much.  For  though  my  vanities  sometimes  shone  through  my 
actions,  yet,  as  they  noticed  other  things  in  me  which  appeared 
good,  they  would  not  believe  my  wickedness.  But  the  cause 
of  this  was,  that  He  who  knoweth  all  things  saw  this  was 
necessary,  in  order  that  when  afterwards  I  should  exhort 
persons  to  devote  themselves  to  His  service,  they  might  give 
me  some  credit.  His  sovereign  goodness  did  not  so  much 
consider  my  great  sins,  as  those  desires  which  I  sometimes  felt 
to  serve  Him,  and  the  great  trouble  I  experienced  in  not  having 
strength  to  execute  them. 

But,  0  thou  Lord  of  my  soul !  how  shall  I  be  able  to  ex¬ 
press  with  gratitude  the  favors  Thou  didst  bestow  on  me 
during  these  years'?  And  how,  at  the  very  time  I  was 
offending  Thee  most,  Thou  didst  in  a  short  time  dispose  me 
for  a  most  profound  sorrow,  that  so  I  might  enjoy  Thy  favors 


90 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

and  consolations.  The  truth  is,  0  my  King!  Thou  didst 
adopt  as  one  means,  the  most  exquisite  and  sharp  kind  of 
punishment  which  could  be  found  for  me  :  for  Thou  knewest 
well  what  would  prove  most  afflicting  to  me,  viz. — that  my 
sins  should  be  punished  by  receiving  sorrow  from  Thee !  It 
is  no  foolish  thing  which  I  utter,  though  one  should  not  be 
surprised  if  I  became  foolish,  when  I  recall  the  memory  of 
my  ingratitude  and  wickedness  against  Thee.  But  it  was 
much  more  grievous  for  me  to  receive  favors,  when  at  the 
same  time  I  was  committing  great  faults,  than  it  would  have 
been  to  have  endured  severe  punishments :  hence,  even  one 
of  those  favors  received  seems  capable  of  confounding  and 
afflicting  me,  more  than  many  corporal  infirmities  and  other 
troubles  united.  As  to  the  latter,  I  saw  that  I  deserved 
them,  and  I  thought  I  had  made  some  satisfaction  by  them 
for  my  sins,  though  all  indeed  were  but  little,  considering 
the  multitude  of  my  sins.  But  to  see  myself  again  receiving 
fresh  favors,  though  I  made  such  a  bad  return  for  those  I  had 
received  before,  was  a  most  terrible  punishment  for  me  :  and 
I  think  it  will  be  considered  so  by  all  who  have  any  knowl¬ 
edge  or  love  of  Grod.  Hence  flowed  my  tears  and  came  my 
indignation,  seeing  what  I  found  in  myself,  that  I  was  still  on 
the  point  of  falling  again,  though  my  desires  and  resolutions 
wrere  then  firm — I  mean  as  long  as  the  favors  lasted.  It  is 
a  great  misfortune  for  a  soul  to  be  alone  amidst  such  dangers  ; 
and  methinks  if  I  knew  any  one  to  whom  I  could  have  spoken 
on  these  matters,  it  would  have  helped  me  from  not  falling 
agam  :  at  least,  I  should  have  been  prevented  through  shame, 
even  had  I  no  shame  in  offending  Grod. 

Those,  therefore,  who  make  use  of  mental  prayer,  es¬ 
pecially  at  the  beginning  thereof,  would  do  well  to  be  on 
terms  of  friendship  and  familiarity  with  other  persons  who 
practice  this  kind  of  prayer ;  for  this  is  very  important, 
though  it  should  serve  no  other  purpose  than  to  be  assisted 
by  each  other’s  prayers,  and  how  much  more  so  when  so 
many  advantages  are  to  be  gained  !  And  if  in  the  commerce 
and  intercourse  of  the  world,  though  vain  and  useless  it  be, 
we  endeavor  to  procure  friends  to  assuage  our  sorrows,  and 
to  make  us  enjoy  ourselves  the  mere  by  the  recital  of  our 
vain  pleasures,  I  do  not  see  why  they  who  begin  to  love  and 


91 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

serve  God  in  earnest,  should  not  be  permitted  to  communicate 
to  some  one  their  joys  aud  their  sorrows — for  those  who 
practice  prayer,  experience  both.  For  if  he  be  sincere  who 
desires  to  be  in  friendship  with  His  Majesty,  he  need  not  fear 
vain-glory  :  and  should  he  be  attacked  by  any  temptations 
thereto,  he  will  come  off  with  merit.  I  believe  that  whoever 
shall,  with  this  intention,  speak  to  others  on  such  matters, 
will  both  profit  himself  and  those  who  hear  him,  and  will  also 
become  more  enlightened  in  his  understanding,  as  well  as 
more  skilful  in  instructing  his  friends.  He  who  should  be 
exposed  to  vain-glory  when  thus  speaking,  would  also  be 
exposed  whenever  he  is  seen  devoutly  to  hear  Mass,  and  by 
doing  other  things  likewise  which  he  is  bound  to  do — under 
pain  of  not  being  a  good  Christian :  and  yet  these  things 
must  not  be  omitted,  through  fear  of  vain-glory. 

This  point  is  of  such  great  impor  tance  for  the  welfare  of 
all  those  souls  who  are  not  yet  strengthened  in  virtue  (as 
there  are  so  many  adversaries,  and  even  friends,  ready  to 
excite  them  to  evil),  that  I  know  not  how  to  express  its  im¬ 
portance.  It  seems  to  me,  that  the  devil  has  made  use  of 
this  device — as  being  something  very  advantageous  to  him— 
viz.,  that  men  should  as  carefully  hide  themselves  from  those 
who  understand  them,  and  who  sincerely  endeavor  to  make 
the  n  love  and  please  God,  as  he  (the  devil)  has  induced 
others  to  discover  their  evil  inclinations  to  each  other ;  and 
this  latter  practice  is  now  so  common,  as  to  pass  for  a  kind 
of  gallantry — and  thus  men  publish  the  offences  which,  by 
this  means,  they  commit  against  God. 

I  know  not  if  what  I  say  be  nonsense ;  if  it  be,  I  trust 
your  Reverence  will  tear  it  up ;  but  if  not,  I  beseech  you  to 
assist  my  simplicity,  by  adding  much  of  your  own  experience 
to  the  subject.  For  divine  things  are  now  so  little  attended 
to,  that  they  who  desire  to  serve  God  have  need  of  each 
other’s  help  in  order  to  advance  in  virtue  ;  so  very  much  in 
fashion  are  the  vanities  and  pleasures  of  the  world,  that  few 
see  any  evil  in  them.  But  whenever  any  one  begins  to  give 
himself  to  God,  so  many  blame  him,  that  he  will  find  it 
necessary  to  seek  for  some  one  to  defend  him,  until  lie  shall 
become  strong  enough  not  to  be  uneasy  under  suffering  ; 
but  should  he  be  sorrowful,  he  may  himself  fall  into  great 


92 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


difficulties.  This,  perhaps,  may  be  the  reason  why  some 
saints  have  retired  into  deserts.  But  as  it  is  a  part  of 
humility  not  to  put  any  confidence  in  one’s  self,  so  we  should 
believe  that  God  will  not  fail  to  help  us  to  live  among  those 
with  whom  we  are  obliged  to  converse.  And  thus  charity 
will  increase  by  being  communicated ;  and  there  are  a  thou¬ 
sand  other  benefits,  of  which  I  should  not  dare  to  speak, 
lad  1  not  great  experience  of  their  importance.  True  it  is,  that 
I  am  both  the  weakest  and  the  most  wicked  of  all  creatures  : 
but  yet  I  believe,  that  whoever  will  humble  himself— though 
he  be  strong— and  not  trust  in  himself,  but  in  one  who  has 
experience  in  these  matters,  will  not  lose  anything.  Respect¬ 
ing  myself,  I  am  able  to  say,  that  if  our  Lord  had  not  dis¬ 
covered  this  truth  to  me,  and  had  not  also  given  me  means 
to  treat,  in  a  very  familiar  manner,  with  persons  who  were 
given  to  mental  prayer,  I  should  still  have  gone  over— falling 
and  rising  till  I  had  fallen  headlong  into  hell.  For  I  had 
many  friends  who  would  have  helped  me  to  fall :  but  in  en¬ 
deavoring  to  rise  up  again,  I  found  myself  so  much  alone, 
lat  now  I  am  astonished  I  did  not  always  remain  in  a  fallen 
state.  I  praise  the  mercy  of  God,  for  He  alone  it  was  who 

gave  me  a  helping  hand  :  may  he  be  praised  forever  and 
ever.  Amen. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

SHE  MENTIONS  WHAT  GREAT  GOOD  HER  SOUL  RECEIVED  BY  NOT  HAV¬ 
ING  ENTIRELY  GIVEN  UP  HER  METHOD  OF  PRAYER:  ALSO,  WHAT  AN 
EXCELLENT  REMEDY  PRAYER  IS  FOR  GAINING  WHAT  WE  HAVE  LOST. 

Not  without  reason  have  I  been  considering  so  long  this 
life  of  mine ;  for  I  clearly  see  that  it  will  give  no  pleasure 
to  any  one,  to  look  upon  such  a  wicked  creature  as  myself. 
And  really  I  should  be  glad  that  all  those  who  read  this  ac¬ 
count  would  abhor  me,  in  seeing  a  soul  so  obstinate  and  so 
ungrateful  towards  Him,  who  has  bestowed  so  many  favors 
on  her.  And  I  wish  I  could  obtain  leave  to  declare  the 
many  tunes  I  failed,  during  this  period,  in  my  obligations  to 
Ixod,  because  I  was  not  supported  by  this  strong  pillar  of 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


93 


mental  prayer.  I  passed  though  this  tempestuous  sea  almost 
twenty  years,  between  these  fallings  and  risings  (though  I 
rose  very  imperfectly,  since  I  fell  again  so  quickly)  •  and  in 
this  kind  of  life,  which  was  so  far  below  perfection,  I  made 
almost  no  account  of  venial  sins  5  and  for  mortal  ones,  I 
feared  them  it  is  true,  hut  not  so  much  as  I  ought  to  have 
done,  since  I  did  not  avoid  the  dangerous  occasions.  I  can 
declare,  that  this  was  one  of  the  most  painful  kinds  of  life 
which  can  he  imagined,  for  I  neither  enjoyed  the  sweet¬ 
ness  of  God,  nor  the  pleasures  of  the  world.  When  I  was 
entertaining  myself  with  the  amusements  of  the  world,  the 
remembrance  of  what  I  owed  to  God  gave  me  pain  5  and 
when  I  was  conversing  with  Him  in  prayer,  the  affections  I 
had  for  the  world  disturbed  me  :  and  this  was  a  conflict  so 
very  painful,  that  I  know  not  how  it  was  possible  for  me  to 
endure  it  for  one  month,  much  more  for  so  many  years. 
Herein  I  clearly  see  the  great  mercy  God  showed  me,  that, 
dealing  so  much  as  I  did  with  the  world,  I  could  still  have 
the  courage  to  apply  myself  to  mental  prayer.  I  say  “  cour¬ 
age,”  because  I  see  not  one  thing  in  the  world  in  which  there 
seems  to  he  need  of  greater,  than  to  be  carrying  on  treason 
against  a  King,  and  to  be  sensible  that  He  knows  it  well, 
and  yet  never  to  depart  from  His  presence.  For  though  it 
be  true,  that  we  are  always  in  the  presence  of  God,  yet,  me- 
thinks  that  they  who  converse  with  Him  in  mental  prayer, 
are  in  a  special  manner  in  His  presence,  because  then  they 
see  that  He  regards  them  ;  whereas  others  may  remain  some 
days  in  His  presence,  without  remembering  that  He  looks 
upon  them.  True  it  is  that  within  this  time  there  were,  I 
believe,  many  months,  and  sometimes  perhaps  a  whole  year, 
that  I  kept  myself  from  offending  our  Lord  ;  and  I  gave  my¬ 
self  much  to  prayer,  and  I  used  some,  and  even  great 
diligence,  that  I  might  never  offend  Him  more  ;  and  this  I 
here  declare,  because  what  I  write  now  is  to  be  delivered 
with  truth  ;  but  I  remember  little  of  those  good  days,  and 
therefore  it  may  be  thought  they  were  few,  and  the  evil  ones 
many  j  yet  few  days  passed  without  my  giving  a  considerable 
time  to  prayer,  unless  I  were  very  sick,  or  extremely  busy. 
The  more  ill  I  was,  the  more  was  I  united  with  God  ;  and  I 
endeavored  that  those  persons  who  were  then  with  me  might 


94 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


be  so  too  ;  and  this  I  begged  of  our  Lord,  and  we  spoke 
very  often  of  Him.  And  so,  with  the  exception  of  that  one 
year  of  which  I  have  spoken,  during  the  eight-and-twenty 
years  which  have  passed  since  first  I  began  to  use  mental 
prayer,  I  have  endured  this  battle  and  strife  for  more  than 
eighteen,  through  conversing  with  God  and  the  world  at  the 
same  time.  In  those  other  years  of  which  I  have  yet  to 
speak,  the  cause  of  the  war  was  changed,  though  this  has  not 
been  inconsiderable.  But  as  1  was  then,  I  think,  in  the  ser¬ 
vice  of  God,  and  had  a  knowledge  of  the  vanity  of  the  world, 
all  was  sweet  and  pleasant,  as  I  shall  declare  afterwards. 

Now  the  reason  why  I  have  given  this  account  is,  first, 
in  order  that  the  mercy  of  God  and  my  ingratitude  towards 
Him  may  be  discerned  as  I  have  before  mentioned ;  and 
secondly,  that  it  may  be  understood  how  great  a  blessing 
God  bestows  on  that  soul,  which  He  disposes  to  practice 
mental  prayer  with  a  good  will,  even  though  she  were  not  so 
well  prepared  for  it  as  she  should  be.  But  if  she  persevere 
therein,  whatever  sins  she  1;  ay  commit,  whatever  temptations 
may  be  presented  to  her,  or  whatever  falls  she  may  receive 
in  a  thousand  different  ways  from  the  devil,  I  consider  it 
certain  that  our  Lord  will,  in  the  end,  bring  her  safe  to  the 
port  of  salvation,  as  (it  seems  now)  He  has  done  so  to  me; 
may  His  Majesty  grant  that  I  may  never  again  expose  mysel^ 
to  Le  lost.  Many  holy  and  good  men  have  written  on  th* 
benefits  he  obtains,  who  exercises  himself  in  prayer — I  mean 
mental  prayer ;  and  glory  be  to  God  for  it.  And  even  if 
this  were  not  true,  though  I  have  but  little  humility,  yet  I 
am  not  so  proud  as  to  venture  to  speak  on  this  subject. 

But  T  may  presume  to  say  something  of  that,  concerning 
which  I  have  some  experience ;  and  it  is  this,  that  whoever 
has  begun  mental  prayer,  I  wish  him  not  to  give  it  up,  what¬ 
ever  sins  he  may  commit  in  the  mean  time,  since  this  is  the 
means  by  which  he  may  recover  himself  again ;  but  without 
it,  he  will  find  the  work  much  more  difficult.  And  let  not 
the  devil  tempt  him,  as  he  did  me,  to  leave  it  off  through  a 
motive  of  humility ;  but  let  him  firmly  believe  that  God’s 
word,  cannot  fail ;  that  if  we  truly  repent,  and  are  determined 
not  to  offend  Him  any  more,  He  will  restore  us  to  the  same 
friendship  we  enjoyed  before,  and  bestow  on  us  the  same 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


95 


favors  we  received  before,  and  sometimes  even  greater ,  if  our 
repentance  should  deserve  it.  Whoever  has  not  commenced 
this  exercise,  I  beseech  him,  for  the  love  of  our  Lord,  not  to 
deprive  himself  of  so  great  a  benefit.  Here  we  have  nothing 
to  fear,  but  much  to  desire  ;  for  though  one  should  not  ad¬ 
vance  much,  nor  strive  to  be  so  perfect  as  to  deserve  those 
favors  and  caresses  which  God  gives  to  perfect  souls,  yet,  the 
least  which  he  will  obtain  will  be,  to  advance  along  the  path 
that  leads  to  heaven,  and  to  know  that  it  is  the  right  way. 
1  trust  in  the  mercy  of  God,  that  no  one  ever  made  choice 
of  Him  for  a  friend,  whom  He  did  not  well  repay,  if  he  per¬ 
severed  ;  for  mental  prayer  is  nothing  else,  in  my  opinion, 
than  a  treaty  of  friendship  with  our  Lord,  often  speaking 
alone  with  Him,  who  we  know  loves  us.  And  if  you  love 
Him  not  yet  (for,  in  order  that  your  love  may  be  sincere  and 
the  friendship  may  last,  the  conditions  must  be  reciprocal ; 
and  we  know  that  nothing  will  be  wanting  on  our  Lord’s  part, 
and  that  our  nature  is  vicious,  sensual,  and  ungrateful)  ;  I 
repeat,  if  you  do  not  as  yet  love  Him  so  much,  on  account 
of  the  difference  which  exists  between  His  nature  and  ours, 
.  yet,  considering  how  important  it  is  that  we  should  be  on 
terms  of  friendship  with  Him,  and  how  much  He  loves  us, 
we  must  bear  patiently  the  pain  of  conversing  often  with'One 
whose  nature  is  so  different  from  ours.  Oh !  infinite  good¬ 
ness  of  my  God  •  it  seems  to  me  that  I  see  Thee  and  see 
myself  in  this  manner.  Oh  !  joy  of  the  angels  !  how  I  desire, 
when  I  consider  these  things,  to  be  dissolved  in  loving  Thee. 
How  certain  is  it,  that  Thou  dost  suffer  much,  when  we  do 
not  allow  Thee  to  be  with  us !  Oh  !  what  a  good  friend  Thou 
art,  my  Lord,  since  Thou  continuest  to  caress  us,  and 
patiently  to  bear  with  us !  And  Thou  waitest,  till  we 
make  ourselves  like  to  Thee,  and  in  the  mean  time  Thou  dost 
endure  our  corrupt  nature.  Thou  takes t  into  account,  my 
Lord,  the  few  hours  during  which  we  love  Thee  5  and  by  one 
single  act  of  repentance  on  our  part,  Thou  forgettest  all  our 
offences.  All  this  I  have  clearly  seen  in  my  own  case  ;  and 
I  cannot  understand,  0  my  Creator,  why  the  whole  world 
does  not  strive  to  draw  near  unto  Thee,  in  order  to  share  in 
this  close  friendship.  The  wicked,  who  are  not  of  the  same 
nature  with  Thee,  should  come  to  Thee,  that  Thou  rnayest 


96 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


make  them  good,  and  that  they  may  suffer  Thee  to  be  with 
them,  though  it  were  only  for  two  hours  in  the  day ;  yea, 
though  it  were  with  a  thousand  distracting  cares  and  thoughts 
of  the  world,  as  I  myself  was  accustomed  to  have.  And  to 
recompense  the  violence  they  use,  in  order  to  make  them¬ 
selves  love  being  in  Thy  company  (for  neither  in  these  begin¬ 
nings,  nor  afterwards,  can  they  avoid  these  distractions), 
Thou  obligest,  0  Lord,  the  devils  to  abstain  from  attacking 
them,  and  each  day  Thou  dost  lessen  their  power  over  them, 
and  thou  givest  them  strength  to  overcome  these  evil  spirits. 
O  Life  of  all  lives !  Thou  dost  never  destroy  any  one  who 
puts  his  confidence  in  Thee,  nor  any  one  who  desires  Thee 
for  a  friend  :  but  Thou  sustainest  the  life  of  the  body  with 
increased  health,  and  Thou  givest  the  same  to  the  soul. 

For  my  part,  I  cannot  understand  why  men  should  fear, 
as  they  do,  to  begin  the  practice  of  mental  prayer,  nor  do  I 
know  what  they  are  afraid  of.  The  devil,  however,  strives 
all  he  can  to  make  us  fearful  (in  order  to  do  us  thereby 
some  real  evil)  of  thinking  how  much  we  have  offended  God; 
how  much  we  owe  Him  ;  that  there  is  a  heaven  and  a  hell, 
and  what  great  labors  and  sufferings  our  Lord  endured  for  * 
our  sake.  This  was  my  prayer,  which  I  continued  during 
all  the  time  I  was  in  these  dangers ;  and  thus  did  I  medi¬ 
tate  whenever  I  was  able.  And  often,  for  some  years,  I  was 
more  desirous  that  the  hour  should  end,  and  more  anxious 
to  hear  the  clock  strike,  than  to  attend  to  other  good  things. 
And  many  times  it  happened,  that  whatever  penance  was 
set  before  me,  however  great,  I  would  more  willingly  have 
performed  it  than  prepare  myself  for  prayer.  And  it  is 
certain  that  the  violence  which  the  devil  employed  against 
me  was  either  so  insupportable,  or  my  own  wicked  habits 
were  so  great,  that  I  was  induced  not  to  go  to  prayer ;  and 
the  sadness  of  my  heart  was  such  when  I  entered  into  my 
oratory,  that  all  my  courage  was  necessary  to  help  me  to 
force  myself :  at  last,  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  assist  me ; 
and  people  say  the  courage  I  have  is  not  little  ;  and  it  seems 
our  Lord  has  given  me  greater  than  is  usually  given  to 
women,  but  I  have  made  a  very  bad  use  of  it :  but  after' 
wards,  when  I  had  made  use  of  this  violence,  I  found  myself 
in  the  enjoyment  of  more  quiet  and  more  consolation,  sq 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


97 


that  sometimes  I  had  a  desire  to  pray.  Since,  then,  our 
Lord  endured  for  so  long  a  time  such  a  wicked  creature  as 
myself — and  it  appears  clear  that  all  my  evils  were  remedied 
by  -this  means  (of  prayer) — what  person,  however  wicked  he 
may  be,  can  have  any  reason  to  be  afraid  ?  For,  how  wicked 
soever  he  may  have  been,  yet  he  cannot  be  so  bad  as  I  was 
during  many  years,  after  I  had  received  so  many  favors  from 
our  Lord.  And  who  can  distrust  our  Lord,  since  He  bore 
with  me  so  long,  and  for  this  sole  reason,  because  I  desired 
and  procured  some  time  and  place  in  which  He  might  be 
with  me  ?  And  this  I  often  did,  without  any  inclination  of 
my  own,  but  only  by  the  great  violence  which  I  either  offered 
to  myself,  or  which  our  Lord  offered  to  me.  If,  therefore, 
the  use  of  mental  prayer  be  so  proper — and  even  so  neces¬ 
sary  for  those  who  do  not  serve  God,  but  offend  him;  and 
since  no  one  can  possibly  find  it  can  do  him  any  harm,  which 
would  not  be  much  greater  without  prayer,  how  can  they 
omit  it  who  serve  God  and  desire  to  love  Him  ?  Most  cer¬ 
tainly,  unless  a  man  wishes  to  pass  through  the  troubles  of 
this  life  with  still  more  numerous  troubles,  and  to  close  the 
gate  against  God  himself,  lest  He  should  by  this  means  give 
him  comfort,  I  cannot  understand  his  manner  of  proceeding. 
I  have,  indeed,  much  compassion  for  those  souls  who  serve 
God  at  their  own  cost ;  but  as  for  those  who  use  mental 
prayer,  our  Lord  bears  their  expenses,  and  repays  the  little 
trouble  they  endure  with  many  pleasures,  that  so  they  may 
bear  those  troubles  for  His  sake.  Concerning  those  caresses 
which  our  Lord  gives  to  those  who  persevere  in  prayer,  I 
shall  speak  more  at  length  further  on,  and  shall  say  nothing 
here.  I  will  only  mention,  that  prayer  was  the  gate  through 
which  God  bestowed  on  me  such  great  favors :  if  that  be 
closed,  I  know  not  how  He  will  bestow  them,  because  though 
he  should  desire  to  enter  a  soul,  to  regale  both  Himself  and 
her,  He  has  no  means  of  doing  so,  because  He  wishes  to 
have  her  all  to  Himself,  to  be  pure,  and  to  be  desirous  of 
receiving  favors.  If  we  put  any  obstacles  in  the  way,  and 
do  nothing  to  remove  them,  how  can  we  expect  Him  to 
come  to  us,  or  desire  that  He  should  bestow  great  favors 
upon  us  ? 

In  order  that  His  mercy  may  be  seen,  and  the  great  benefit 


it  was  for  me,  not  to  have  omitted  prayer  and  reading,  I  will 
here  mention  (since  to  understand  this  point  is  very  impor¬ 
tant)  what  kind  of  a  battery  the  devil  raises  against  a  soul, 
in  order  to  gain  her :  and  with  what  art  and  mercy  our  Lord 
endeavors  to  draw  her  to  Himself,  in  order  that  others  may 
be  on  their  guard  against  those  dangers  to  which  I  exposed 
myself :  but,  above  all  things,  by  the  great  love  with  which 
our  Lord  seeks  to  draw  us  to  Himself,  I  entreat  others,  for 
the  love  of  God,  to  keep  themselves  from  dangerous  occa¬ 
sions  ;  for  when  we  are  in  the  midst  of  them,  there  can  be 
no  security  against  so  many  enemies  who  attack  us,  especially 
as  we  are  so  weak  in  defending  ourselves.  I  wish  I  could 
here  describe  the  captivity  in  which  my  soul  wras  bound  in 
those  days ;  for  I  knew  well  I  was  a  captive,  but  yet  I  could 
not  understand  to  what  I  was  a  slave,  nor  could  I  wholly 
believe  that  what  my  confessors  represented  as  trifling,  was 
so  very  bad,  as  I  felt  it  to  be  in  my  soul.  A  certain  person 
once  told  me,  when  I  went  to  him  with  a  scruple,  that 
although  I  should  practice  the  highest  degree  of  contempla¬ 
tion?  yet  such  occasions  and  conversations  wTere  not  preju¬ 
dicial  to  me.  This  happened  to  me  towards  the  end,  when, 
by  the  grace  of  God,  1  was  separating  myself  more  and  more 
from  great  dangers.  When  they  observed  me  to  have  good 
desires,  and  to  follow  the  exercise  of  prayer,  they  thought  I 
did  a  great  deal ;  but  my  soul  knew  well,  that  this  was  not 
doing  all  I  wras  obliged  to  do,  for  One  to  whom  I  owed  so  much. 
I  am  now  grieved  when  I  consider  how  much  my  soul  suf¬ 
fered,  and  what  little  help  she  received  from  any  one  but 
God,  and  how  many  opportunities  I  had  for  pleasures  and 
pastimes,  by  being  told  they  were  lawful.  But  the  torment 
which  I  endured  by  hearing  sermons  was  not  little,  for  I 
vras  particularly  fond  of  them  5  in  so  much  so,  that  whenever 
I  heard  any  one  preach  well,  and  with  animation,  I  conceived 
a  particular  love  for  him,  wdthout  endeavoring  to  feel  it, 
though  I  know  not  how  I  came  to  have  it.  It  seemed  to  me, 
that  no  sermon  could  ever  be  so  bad  which  I  would  not  will¬ 
ingly  listen  to,  although,  in  the  opinion  of  others  who  heard 
it,  the  sermon  might  not  have  been  good  ;  but  when  it  was, 
it  gave  me  particular  pleasure.  I  was  seldom  or  ever  tired 
with  speaking  of  God,  or  with  hearing  Him  spoken  of :  this 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


99 


was  after  I  had  begun  to  use  mental  prayer.  On  the  one 
hand,  sermons  gave  me  great  consolation,  but  on  the  other, 
they  tormented  me,  because  by  them  I  understood  that  I 
was  far  from  being  what  I  ought  to  be.  I  begged  of  our 
Lord  to  help  me  5  but,  as  far  as  I  can  judge,  I  was  to  blame 
tor .  not  putting  my  whole  confidence  in  His  Majesty,  and 
entirely  distrusting  myself.  I  sought  for  a  remedy,  and  I 
was  diligent  therein  ;  but  I  understood  not  that  all  is  of  little 
use,  unless  we  strip  ourselves  of  all  confidence  in  ourselves 
and  put  all  our  trust  in  God.  I  desired  to  lead  a  true  life’ 
for  I  knew  well  I  was  not  doing  so  then,  but  that  I  was’ 
lighting  with  the  shadow  of  death,  and  there  was  no  one  who 
could  give  me  life.  I  could  not.  take  it  myself,  and  He  who 
could  give  it  to  me  had  reason  enough  not  to  help  me,  since 
He  had  so  often  drawn  me  to  Himself,  and  I  had  left  Him. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


SHE  DECLARES  BY  WHAT  MEANS  OUR  LORD  BEGAN'  TO  AWAKEN  HER 
SOUL,  AND  TO  ENLIGHTEN  HER  IN  SUCH  GREAT  DARKNESS. 

But  now  my  soul  began  to  grow  weary ;  and  yet  the  bad 
habits  which  I  had  acquired  would  not  permit  her,  though 
she  desired  it,  to  take  any  repose.  It  happened  one  day, 

•  that  I  went  into  the  oratory  to  see  a  picture  which  had  been 
brought  there,  to  be  kept  for  a  certain  festival  which  was 
celebrated  in  the  house,  and  when  I  looked  upon  it  I  was 
much  affected;  it  was  Christ  our  Lord,  all  covered  with 
wounds ;  and  being  devoutly  made,  it  represented  very  well 
all  that  He  had  suffered  for  us.  The  sense  of  the  little 
gratitude  I  had  showed  to  our  Lord  for  all  these  wounds  was 
such,  that  I  thought  my  heart  would  break ;  and  so  I  cast 
myself  down  near  the  picture,  shedding  floods  of  tears,  and 
beseeching  God  to  strengthen  me  once  for  all,  that  so  I 
might  never  more  offend  Him. 

I  was  very  much  devoted  to  the  glorious  Mary  Magdalen, 
and  I  very  often  thought  of  her  conversion,  especially  when 
I  received  the  holy  communion ;  for  as  I  certainly  knew  our 
Lord  was  within  me  at  that  time,  I  placed  myself  at  His 


100 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


feet,  thinking  my  tears  would  not  be  despised  by  Him.  I 
know  not  what  I  said  then  ;  but  still  I  know,  that  He  who 
was  pleased  I  should  shed  those  tears  did  bestow  favors  on 
me,  since  I  forgot  so  soon  those  tender  feelings.  I  also 
recommended  myself  to  this  glorious  saint,  that  she  might 
help  me  to  obtain  the  pardon  of  my  sins. 

But  I  think  that  I  gained  more  profit  on  this  last  occasion, 
when  I  prayed  before  the  picture,  because  I  had  a  great  dis¬ 
trust  in  myself,  and  placed  all  my  confidence  in  God.  It 
seems  to  me  that  I  then  told  Him  I  would  never  rise  from 
that  place  till  He  had  granted  my  petition  ;  and  I  am  firmly 
persuaded  this  did  me  good,  for  I  have  gone  on  improving 
much  ever  since  that  time.  This  was  my  method  of  prayer  : 
not  being  able  to  discourse  with  my  understanding,  I  en¬ 
deavored  to  represent  Christ  as  within  me ;  and  I  thought  I 
always  found  myself  better,  when  I  saw  Him  in  places  where 
He  was  most  alone ;  for,  being  alone  and  afflicted,  it  seemed 
as  if  He  would  then  admit  me,  as  a  person  in  great  misery. 
I  had  many  of  these  simplicities,  and  especially  I  found  much 
profit  in  the  prayer  made  by  our  Saviour  in  the  garden : 
there  I  was  accustomed  to  accompany  Him.  I  thought  on 
His  bloody  sweat,  and  the  great  torment  He  then  endured ; 
and  I  desired  to  wipe  off  that  most  painful  sweat  from  His 
face  ;  but  I  remember  that  I  never  dared  presume  to  do  this, 
so  grievously  did  my  sins  represent  themselves  to  me.  How¬ 
ever,  I  remained  by  Him,  as  well  as  my  thoughts  would 
allow,  because  many  were  the  thoughts  which  tormented  me 
most  nights,  during  many  years.  Before  I  went  to  sleep, 
and  was  recommending  myself  to  God,  I  always  thought  a 
little  on  the  prayer  ip  the  garden,  even,  before  I  was  a  Reli¬ 
gious,  for  I  had  been  told  I  could  gain  many  indulgences 
thereby.  I  think  I  gained  much  by  this  means,  for  I  began 
to  use  mental  prayer,  without  knowing  what  it  was ;  and  it 
was  as  usual  with  me  not  to  omit  this  practice,  as  to  omit 
blessing  myself  before  I  fell  asleep. 

But,  to  return  to  what  I  was  saying  respecting  the  torment 
which  my  thoughts  gave  me.  This  method  of  proceeding 
without  the  help  of  the  understanding  is  such,  that  the  soul 
either  gains  or  loses  much  by  it.  She  loses,  when  all  con¬ 
sideration  is  gone ;  and  she  gains  much,  because  all  such 


101 


LIFE  OF  S*T.  TERESA. 

prayer  is  love.  But  to  arrive  at  this  point  will  cost  us  a 
great  deal  of  trouble,  with  the  exception  of  those  persons 
whom  our  Lord  pleases  to  conduct,  in  a  short  time,  to  the 
prayer  of  quiet :  and  some  such  persons  I  know.  But  for 
those  who  go  along  this  way,  it  is  good  to  use  a  book,  in 
order  to  recollect  themselves  quickly.  As  to  myself,  I  re¬ 
ceived  profit  in  looking  upon  the  fields,  flowers,  and  water : 
in  these  things  I  found  something  to  remind  me  of  our  Crea¬ 
tor — I  mean,  they  served  to  awaken  and  keep  me  recollected, 
and  they  were  as  a  book  to  me  :  they  also  brought  to  mind 
my  sins  and  ingratitude.  As  regards  heavenly  things  and 
other  such  high  subjects,  my  understanding  was  so  dull,  that 
I  was  never  able  to  represent  them  to  my  imagination,  until 
our  Lord  represented  them  to  me  by  other  means. 

I  had  so  little  ability  in  representing  things  to  my  mind 
by  means  of  the  understanding,  that  my  imagination  availed 
me  nothing,  except  only  respecting  things  which  I  saw ;  and 
yet  others  are  able  to  do  this,  because  they  know  how  to 
form  representations,  by  which  they  are  enabled  to  recollect 
themselves.  I  could  only  think  on  Christ  our  Lord  as  man ; 
and  it  is  quite  true,  that  how  much  soever  I  read  of  His 
beauty,  or  saw  pictures  of  Him,  yet  I  could  never  represent 
Him  to  myself,  but  was  just  like  one  who  was  either  blind  ol 
in  the  dark  ;  for  though  he  may  speak  with  another  person, 
and  know  that  he  is  with  him,  because  he  is  sure  this  said 
person  is  there,  yet,  he  only  knows  and  believes  him  to  be 
present,  for  he  does  not  see  him.  In  like  manner  it  hap¬ 
pened  to  me,  whenever  I  thought  of  our  Lord  :  this  was  the 
reason  I  was  so  fond  of  pictures.  Miserable  creatures  are 
they  who,  through  their  own  fault,  lose  this  benefit.  It  ap¬ 
pears  clear  to  me  that  they  do  not  love  our  Lord ;  for,  if 
they  loved  Him,  they  would  be  glad  to  see  His  pictures, 
just  as  in  this  life  we  are  glad  to  see  the  image  of  one  whom 
we  love. 

About  this  time  the  iC  Confessions”  of  St.  Augustine  were 
given  to  me :  and  it  seems  our  Lord  so  ordained  it,  for 
neither  did  I  procure  them,  nor  had  I  ever  seen  them  before. 
I  had  a  very  great  affection  for  this  saint,  because  the  monas¬ 
tery  where  I  lived  a  secular  was  of  his  order,  and  also  be¬ 
cause  he  had  been  a  sinner:  for  I  found  much  comfort  in 
9* 


102 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


those  saints,  who,  after  having  been  sinners,  were  converted 
to  our  Lord,  thinking  that  I  should  be  helped  by  them,  and 
that  our  Lord  would  be  pleased  to  forgive  me  as  He  had 
them.  But  one  consideration  discouraged  me,  which  was, 
that  our  Lord  called  them  but  once,  and  they  fell  from  Him 
no  more ;  but  my  falls  were  so  numerous,  that  I  was  afflicted 
exceedingly  on  this  account.  But  yet,  when  I  considered 
the  love  lie  bore  me,  I  was  encouraged,  for  I  never  dis¬ 
trusted  in  His  mercy,  though  in  myself  I  did  very  often. 
Oh  my  God,  how  astonished  I  am  at  that  obstinacy  of  mine, 
during  which  I  continued  to  receive  so  many  helps  from  Thy 
hand !  I  am  fearful  when  I  consider  how  little  I  was  able 
to  do  with  myself,  and  how  I  remained  still  tied,  and  deter¬ 
mined  not  to  give  myself  wholly  to  Thee.  But  when  I  be¬ 
gan  to  read  the  66  Confessions,”  I  thought  I  saw  myself  de^ 
scribed  therein,  and  I  recommended  myself  earnestly  to  this 
glorious  saint.  A\  hen  I  came  to  the  account  of  his  “  con¬ 
version,”  and  read  how  he  heard  that  voice  in  the  garden,  it 
was,  I  thought,  as  if  our  Lord  Himself  spoke  to  me,  so  lively 
was  the  feeling  of  my  heart.  For  some  time  I  was  entirely 
dissolved  in  tears,  and  felt  great  affliction  and  anguish  within 
me.  Oh  my  God,  how  much  does  a  soul  suffer,  after  losing 
her  liberty  of  being  mistress  over  herself!  And  what  tor¬ 
ments  does  she  not  endure !  I  wonder  how  I  was  able  to 
live  in  such  great  trouble.  But,  blessed  be  Grod,  who  gave 
me  life,  that  I  might  escape  from  so  deadly  a  death ;  me- 
thought  I  obtained  great  strength  from  His  Majesty,  and 
that  He  would  now  hear  my  cries,  and  have  compassion  on 
all  my  tears. 

My  desire  to  spend  more  time  with  Him  began  also  to  in' 
crease,  and  to  draw  myself  from  all  evil  occasions ;  for  when 
once  they  were  removed,  I  immediately  began  again  to  love 
His  Majesty — at  least,  I  thought  I  then  loved  Him  ;  but,  in 
reality,  I  understood  not,  as  I  ought  to  have  understood,  in 
what  the  love  of  God  consisted.  As  far  as  I  remember,  I 
had  scarcely  finished  disposing  myself,  and  wishing  to  serve 
Him,  when  His  Majesty  began  to  caress  me.  It  seems  that 
what  others  endeavored  to  acquire  by  great  labor,  our  Lord 
caressed  me  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  me  desirous  of  re¬ 
ceiving  it,  viz.,  His  giving  me  delights  and  caresses  in  these 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


103 


latter  years.  I  was  never  so  bold  as  to  beseech  Him  to  give 
me  any  tenderness  of  devotion  j  but  I  only  begged  of  Him 
to  give  me  grace  not  to  olfend  Him  any  more,  and  that  He 
would  pardon  my  great  sins  :  and  seeing  how  numerous  they 
were,  I  never  intentionally  presumed  to  desire  either  delights 
or  caresses.  I  thought  He  showed  me  pity  enough  3  and 
truly  great  was  His  mercy  towards  me,  in  allowing  me  to 
appear  before  His  presence ;  for  I  knew  that  if  He  had  not 
done  so,  I  should  never  have  come.  Only  once  in  my  life  I 
remember  having  asked  of  Him  to  give  me  some  consolations, 
and  this  was  when  1  had  great  dryness  of  devotion  •  but  as 
soon  as  I  reflected  on  what  I  had  done,  I  was  so  confused, 
that  the  very  grief  I  felt  in  seeing  what  little  humility  I 
possessed,  obtained  for  me  what  I  had  not  dared  to  ask  for. 
I  knew  well,  however,  it  was  lawful  to  pray  for  it :  but  I 
thought  this  was  true  for  those  only  who  were  disposed  to 
receive  it,  by  their  having  endeavored,  with  all  their  strength, 
to  acquire  true  devotion ;  and  this  consists  in  not  offending 
God,  and  in  being  disposed  and  resolved  to  do  everything 
that  is  good.  And  methought  that  those  tears  of  mine 
wrere  feminine  tears,  without  any  efficacy,  since  I  did  not  ob¬ 
tain  that  by  them  which  I  desired,  though  yet  upon  the 
whole  I  believe  they  were  useful  to  me  ;  because  (as  1  have 
said)  especially  after  that  great  compunction  I  felt  on  those 
two  several  occasions,  and  the  pain  I  had  at  my  heart,  I  be¬ 
gan  to  give  myself  more  to  prayer,  and  not  to  interest  my¬ 
self  so  much  in  those  things  which  might  do  me  hurt.  1  did 
not,  liowmver,  entirely  leave  them  aside  :  but  (as  I  wras  men¬ 
tioning)  God  continued  helping  me  to  withdraw  myself  from 
them:  for  His  Majesty  was  only  waiting  for  some  prepara¬ 
tion  on  my  part,  that  so  Ilis  spiritual  favors  might  increase 
in  the  manner  I  shall  relate  :  our  Lord  is  not  accustomed 
to  grant  them,  except  to  those  only  who  keep  their  conscience 
in  greater  purity  than  I  did. 


104 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


CHAPTER  X. 

THE  SAINT  BEGINS  TO  MENTION  THE  FAVORS  OUR  LORD  BESTOWED 

UPON  HER  IN  PRAYER,  AND  SHE  SPEAKS  OF  THE  MANNER  IN  WHICH 

WE  MAY  HELP  OURSELVES,  ETC. 

As  I  have  already  mentioned,  I  sometimes  had  certain 
beginnings  of  that  which  I  shall  now  relate,  though  it  passed 
quickly  away.  It  happened  in  this  representation,  when  I 
placed  myself  near  Christ  (of  which  I  have  been  speaking), 
and  sometimes  also  when  I  was  reading,  that  there  would 
suddenly  come  upon  me  such  a  feeling  of  the  presence  of 
God, -that  I  could  in  no  ways  doubt  but  that  He  was  with  me, 
or  else  I  was  engulfed  in  Him.  This  wras  not  in  the  manner 
of  a  vision,  but  I  think  they  call  it  “  mystical  theology,” 
which  suspends  the  soul  in  such  a  manner  that  she  seems  to 
be  wholly  out  of  herself.  The  will  loves  ;  the  memory  seems 
to  me  to  be  almost  lost,  and  the  understanding  does  not  dis¬ 
course  j  as  far  as  I  can  judge,  though  it  be  not  lost ;  yet  it 
works  not,  as  I  was  saying,  but  remains  as  if  astonished  at 
considering  how  much  it  understands  ;  because  God  is  pleased 
it  should  know  that  it  comprehends  nothing  of  that  which 
His  Majesty  represents  to  it.  At  first,  I  very  frequently 
a  certain  tenderness,  which  in  some  measure,  it 
seems  to  me,  may  be  procured  ;  it  is  a  pleasure  which  is 
neither  wholly  sensual  nor  wholly  spiritual :  it  is  all  the  gift 
of  God.J^Rut  it  seems  we  can  help  ourselves  a  great  deal  in 
the  acquisition  of  it,  by  considering  our  own  baseness  and 
our  ingratitude  towards  God  ;  how  much  He  has  done  for  us  ; 
His  passion  and  grievous  torments  ;  His  whole  life,  which 
was  so  afflicted  ;  by  taking  delight  in  considering  His  works, 
His  greatness,  how  much  He  loves  us,  and  many  other  such 
things.  Whoever  earnestly  desires  to  profit  by  these,  will 
often  meditate  upon  them,  though  he  may  not  intentionally 
walk  along  this  path.  And  if,  together  with  these  reflections, 
there  be  some  love  united,  the  soul  will  be  caressed,  the 
heart  softened,  and  tears  will  flow  j  sometimes  it  seems  we 
obtain  these  by  force ;  and  at  other  times  our  Lord  gives 
them  to  us,  so  that  we  are  not  able  to  resist  them. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.. 


105 


Now,  it  appears  that  His  Majesty  is  pleased  to  repay  us 
for  the  slight  care  [we  take  to  serve  Him],*  by  that  gift 
which  is  so  great,  viz.;  the  consolation  He  bestows  on  that 
soul,  whom  He  beholds  weeping  for  having  offended  so  great 
a  Lord  ;  and  I  wonder  not  at  her  being  consoled  so  much  ; 
for  in  this  she  rejoices — in  this  she  regales  herself. 

I  think  the  comparison  which  now  offers  itself  to  me  is  a 
just  one,  viz.,  that  these  joys  of  prayer  must  be  something 
like  the  joys  of  heaven  ;  for  as  they  see  no  more  there  than 
what  God  is  pleased  thev  shall  see,  according  to  their  deserts, 
and  as  they  see  how  small  those  deserts  are,  every  one  is  con¬ 
tent  with  the  place  he  has,  although  there  is  a  very  great 
difference  in  heaven  between  the  joys  of  some  and  those  of 
others,  as  there  is  here  on  earth  between  spiritual  pleasures 
and  earthly  ones.  And  truly  when  God,  in  the  beginning, 
bestows  such  favors  on  a  soul,,  she  is  then  almost  convinced 
there  is  nothing  more  to  be  desired  ;  and  she  considers  her¬ 
self  to  be  well  repaid  for  all  that  she  has  done  in  the  service  of 
God ;  and  with  reason  does  she  think  so,  for  even  one  of 
those  tears  (which,  as  I  was  saying,  we  might  almost  procure 
ourselves, — though  without  God’s  assistance  we  can  do 
nothing)  cannot,  in  my  opinion,  be  purchased  by  all  the 
labors  of  the  world,  because  by  those  tears  a  soul  gains 
much.  And  what  greater  gain  can  there  be,  than  to  have 
some  proof  or  testimony  that  we  please  God  ?  Let  him, 
then,  who  has  arrived  at  this  point  praise  God  exceedingly, 
and  acknowledge  that  he  is  greatly  in  His  debt ;  because  it 
seems  evident  our  Lord  desires  such  an  one  for  His  own 
house,  and  has  chosen  him  for  His  kingdom,  that  so  he  may 
turn  back  no  more. 

Let  us  not  pay  any  attention  to  certain  feelings  of  humility 
which  people  have  (and  whereon  I  intend  to  speak) ;  for,  to 
some  it  seems  a  part  of  humility  not  to  understand  those 
gifts  which  our  Lord  bestows  upon  them.  But  let  us  know 
well  how  the  case  stands  with  us,  viz.,  that  God  does  not 
give  us  those  gifts  through  our  own  merit,  and  that  we  should 
be  grateful  to  His  Majesty  for  them  :  for  if  we  know  not  what 
we  receive,  we  cannot  excite  ourselves  to  love  Him.  And  it  is  a 


"*  These  words  are  not  in  the  original. 


106 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


most  certain  truth,  that  when  we  see  ourselves  to  be  very  rich 
(provided  that  we  know  we  are  poor),  then  more  profit  comes 
to  us,  and  our  humility  becomes  even  more  sincere.  The 
other  course  tends  only  to  intimidate  the  soul  and  to  make 
her  think  herself  incapable  of  receiving  great  benefits  ;  viz., 
if,  when  once  our  Lord  begins  to  bestow  them,  the  soul 
should  also  begin  to  terrify  herself  with  the  fear  of  vain¬ 
glory.  Rather  let  us  believe,  that  He  who  gives  such  favors 
to  us  will  likewise  give  us  strength  to  resist  the  devil,  and 
grace  to  discover  him  when  he  proceeds  to  attack  us  on  this 
point,  lliis  will  be  the  case  if  we  act  with  sincerity  before 
(rod,  and  desire  to  please  Him  alone,  and  not  men.  It  is 
Aery  certain,  that  we  love  a  person  the  more,  when  we  often 
call  to  mind  the  favors  he  has  conferred  upon  us.  If,  then, 
it  be  lawful  and  so  meritorious  for  us,  always  to  remember 
that  we  have  received  our  being  from  God, — that  He  made 
us  out  of  nothing, — that  He  preserves  us, — and  what  benefits 
we  have  derived  from  His  death  and  sufferings,  which  He 
endured  long  before  we  were  created  for  every  one  who  is 
now  alive,  why  should  it  not  be  lawful  for  me  to  know  and 
to  consider  how  often  I  was  accustomed  to  be  speaking  of 
vain  things,  but  that  now  our  Lord  has  given  me  the  grace 
to  desire  nothing,  save  to  speak  of  Him  ?  Behold  here  a 
jewel,  which,  when  we  remember  that  it  has  been  given  to  us, 
and  that  we  now  possess  it,  forces  and  invites  us  to  love 
Him  !  and  all  this  good  comes  from  prayer,  when  founded 
on  humility.  But  what  will  it  be  when  we  shall  see  in  our 
power  other  more,  precious  jewels,  which  some  servants  of 
God  have  already  received,  viz.,  a  contempt  of  the  world, 
and  even  of  ourselves  ?  It  is  certain  that  we  shall  then  con¬ 
sider  ourselves  greater  debtors,  and  more  obliged  to  serve 
Him  5  we  shall  be  convinced  that  none  of  .  these  favors  come 
from  ourselves,  and  we  shall  see  the  bounty  of  our  Lord,  who 
wished  to  bestow  more  riches  than  I  could  even  desire  on  a 
soul  so  poor  and  wicked  as  mine,  and  without  any  merit 
whatever  ;  for  the  first  of  these  jewels  would  have  been  more 
than  suiiicient  for  me.  It  is  necessary  to  acquire  new 
strength  to  serve  Him,  and  to  endeavor  not  to  prove  ungrate¬ 
ful,  because  our  Lord  bestows  the  favors  on  this  condition. 
A.nd  if  we  should  not  make  a  good  use  of  this  treasure,  and 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


107 


of  the  high  place  He  has  raised  us  to,  He  will  take  those 
gifts  away  from  us,  and  then  we  shall  become  much  poorer 
than  we  were  before ;  and  His  Majesty  will  give  those  jewels 
to  whom  He  pleases  ■  to  one  who  will  benefit  himself  and 
others  by  the  good  use  of  them.  But  how  can  that  man 
who  does  not  know  he  is  rich,  derive  any  benefit  from  them, 
and  distribute  them  to  others  with  liberality'?  In  my 
opinion  it  is  impossible,  considering  our  nature,  that  he  should 
have  a  soul  capable  of  doing  great  things,  who  does  not 
know  he  is  assisted  by  God,  because  as  we  are  so  miserable, 
and  so  inclined  to  the  things  of  earth,  we  cannot  effectually 
abhor  them,  unless  we  feel  that  we  have  some  relish  for 
heavenly  things.  It  is  by  these  .gifts  our  Lord  imparts  that 
fortitude  to  us  which  we  lost  by  our  sins.  And  unless  a 
person  possess  some  pledge  of  God’s  love  towards  him,  united 
with  a  lively  faith,  he  cannot  well  rejoice  at  being  despised 
aud  abhorred  by  every  one,  neither  can  he  acquire  those 
other  great  virtues  which  the  perfect  possess.  Naturally  we 
are  so  dead  (in  faith),  that  we  consider  only  what  we  see ; 
and  hence  these  very  favors  are  the  means  which  awaken  and 
strengthen  our  faith.  It  may  happen,  indeed,  that  being  so 
wicked  myself,  I  judge  of  others  by  myself,  and  that  these  may 
require  no  more  than  the  true  faith  to  make  their  works  perfect. 
But  as  I  am  so  very  miserable,  I  stand  in  need  of  every  help. 

Others  may  say  what  they  think  proper,  but  I  relate  what 
I  have  experienced,  following  the  command  of  my  superiors  ; 
and  if  what  I  say  be  not  good  or  proper,  he  to  whom  I  send 
the  account  may  tear  it  in  pieces,  because  he  knows  what  is 
unfit  better  than  I  do.  And  I  beseech  him,  for  the  love  of 
our  Lord,  that  he  would  publish  whatever  I  have  said  hitherto 
concerning  my  sins  and  wicked  life  ;  and  from  this  moment 
I  give  leave  to  my  present  confessor,  and  to  all  who 
have  been  my  confessors  (and  he  is  of  the  number  to 
whom  this  account  is  going),  to  publish  my  sins  even  in 
my  lifetime,  if  they  desire  it,  that  so  I  may  deceive  the 
world  no  longer,  for  people  may  think  there  is  some  good 
in  me.  And  I  most  sincerely  speak  the  truth,  that  he  who 
should  do  so*  would  give  me  great  consolation.  But  as 

*  That  is,  publish  her  sins.  Here  we  have  one  proof,  among  many 
others,  of  the  wonderful  humility  of  the  Saint. 


108 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


regards  what  I  shall  relate  afterwards,  I  give  my  confessors 
no  such  liberty  ;  but  should  they  show  what  I  have  written 
to  any  one,  I  desire  they  will  not  mention  who  the  person  is, 
nor  in  whom  the  things  happened,  nor  who  wrote  the  account : 
and  this  is  the  reason  why  I  do  not  name  myself,  nor  any 
one  else ;  but  in  writing  it,  I  have  done  my  best  not  to  be 
known  ;  and  I  desire  it  may  remain  a  secret  for  the  love  of 
God.  If  our  Lord  shall  give  me  grace  to  say  anything  that 
is  good,  the  approval  of  grave  and  learned  persons  will  be 
sufficient.  And  should  there  be  anything  useful,  it  will  be 
God’s,  not  mine ;  for  I  have  no  learning  nor  goodness,  nor 
have  I  been  taught  by  any  learned  person,  or  by  any  one  else. 
And  they  only  who  command  me  to  write  it  know  that  I 
write  it  ;  and  at  present  they ‘are  not  here.  I  write  also  as 
if  by  stealth,  and  with  trouble,  because  thereby  I  am  kept 
from  spinning  ;  and  I  live  in  a  poor  house,  and  have  a  great 
deal  of  business.  If  our  Lord  had  given  me  better  abilities, 
and  a  more  retentive  memory  (both  of  which  are  very  poor), 
I  might  then  have  profited  by  what  I  heard  or  read.  And 
so  if  I  shall  say  anything  go«.d,  our  Lord  wills  it  for  some 
good  end  :  but  whatever  is  useless  or  bad,  that  will  be  mine, 
and  your  Reverence  may  blot  it  out.  And  neither  for  the 
one  nor  for  the  other  will  there  be  any  advantage  in  mention¬ 
ing  my  name.  While  one  is  alive,  it  is  clear  that  his  virtues 
should  not  be  mentioned ;  and  when  dead,  the  recital  of 
them  will  serve  no  other  purpose  but  to  make  them  lose  all 
authority  and  credit,  when  it  is  known  the  account  is  given 
by  such  a  base  and  miserable  creature  as  myself.  And 
because  I  think  and  hope  your  Reverence  will  do  this  (and 
I  beg  this  favor  from  you,  and  from  the  others  who  may  see 
the  recital,  for  the  love  of  our  Lord),  hence  I  write  with  such 
freedom  ;  for  otherwise  I  should  have  some  scruple  in  doing 
so,  though  in  declaring  my  sins  I  have  none  at  all.  In  other 
things,  my  being  a  woman  is  sufficient  to  account  for  my 
stupidity  5  and  how  much  more,  since  J  am  a  wicked  woman 
also ! 

Whatever,  therefore,  your  Reverence  may  find,  above  and 
in  addition  to  the  simple  account  of  my  life,  you  must  con¬ 
sider  it  as  intended  only  for  yourself,  since  you  have  pressed 
me  so  much  to  give  some  account  of  the  favors  our  Lord 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA  109 

bestowed  on  me  in  prayer,  provided  it  be  in  accordance  with 
the  doctrines  of  onr  holy  Catholic  Church  ;  if  not,  you  must 
instantly  burn  it,  for  I  submit  myself  to  her  authority. 
I  will  mention  what  happened  to  me,  in  order  that  if  it  shall 
prove  conformable  to  the  Catholic  faith,  it  may  be  of  some 
service  to  your  Reverence ;  and  if  not,  you  may  be  able  to 
undeceive  my  soul,  that  so  the  devil  may  gain  nothing  by 
that  wherein  I  thought  I  had  gained  something  ;  for  our  Lord 
knows,  as  I  shall  afterwards  show,  that  I  always  endeavored 
to  meet  with  persons  who  could  enlighten  me. 

But  however  much  I  desire  to  speak  clearly  concerning 
what  relates  to  prayer,  it  will  be  very  obscure  for  him  who 
has  no  experience  therein.  I  shall  also  mention  some  of  the 
impediments  which  (in  my  opinion)  prevent  persons  from 
walking  in  this  way,  and  other  matters  in  which  there  may  be 
some  danger,  according  to  what  our  Lord  has  taught  me  by 
experience  ;  and  for  many  years  since  I  have  consulted  very 
learned  and  spiritual  men,  who  see  that  during  seven-and- 
twenty  years,  in  which  I  have  used  mental  prayer  (though  I 
have  gone  on  amidst  many  obstacles,  and  very  badly  also), 
our  Lord  has  given  me  such  experience  as  He  has  not  given 
to  others  during  seven-and-thirty,  or  even  seven-and-forty 
years,  though  at  the  same  time  they  had  always  walked  along 
the  path  of  virtue  and  of  penance.  May  He  be  blessed  by  all 
men ;  and  I  beseech  His  Majesty,  by  what  He  is  Himself, 
that  He  may  be  served  by  me  ;  for  my  Lord  knows  well  that 
I  wish  for  nothing  else,  but  that  He  may  be  a  little  more 
praised  and  exalted  ;  and  seeing  He  desires  to  plant  a  garden 
of  sweet  flowers  on  such  a  foul  dunghill  as  I  am,  may  II is 
Majesty  grant  I  may  not,  through  my  own  fault,  pull  them 
up,  and  so  become  again  what  I  was  before  !  I  entreat  your 
Reverence,  for  the  love  of  our  Lord,  to  beg  this  favor  of  Him 
for  me,  since  you  know  what  I  am  more  clearly  than  I  have 
been  permitted  to  express. 


10 


110 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

SHE  DECLARES  IN  WHAT  THE  FAULT  CONSISTS  OF  NOT  LOVING  GOD 

WITH  PERFECTION  IN  A  SHOUT  TIME:  THIS  SHE  BEGINS  TO  DECLARE 

BY  A  COMPARISON,  CONTAINING  FOUR  DEGREES  OF  PB AYER. 

In  speaking,  then,  of  those  who  begin  to  be  servants  of 
love  (and  it  seems  to  me  to  be  nothing  else  than  to  resolve 
to  follow  Him,  who  has  loved  us  so  much),  I  find  it  to  be  so 
great  a  dignity,  that  even  the  very  thinking  of  it  delights 
me  in  a  particular  manner ;  for  servile  fear  goes  away  imme¬ 
diately,  if  we  conduct  ourselves  as  we  ought  in  this  first  de¬ 
gree  of  prayer.  0  Lord  of  my  soul !  and  my  eternal  Good ! 
how  is  it  that  when  a  soul  is  determined  to  love  Thee,  and 
to  do  what  she  can  to  leave  all  things,  that  so  she  may  em¬ 
ploy  herself  the  better  on  this  love  of  Thee — how  is  it  Thou 
art  not  pleased  that  she  should  immediately  rejoice  in  having 
attained  this  perfect  love  ?  But  no  ;  I  ought  to  have  said, 
it  is  of  ourselves  that  we  have  reason  to  complain,  because 
we  do  not  desire  it :  all  the  fault  is  ours  in  not  immediately 
enjoying  this  love  with  perfection  :  true  love  of  God  brings 
with  it  every  blessing.  But  we  are  so  fond  of  ourselves, 
apd  so  slow  in  giving  ourselves  entirely  to  God,  that  as  His 
Majesty  on  the  one  hand  will  not  allow  us  to  enjoy  so  pre¬ 
cious  a  treasure  without  paying  a  great  price  for  it,  so  on  the 
other  we  must  never  omit  disposing  ourselves  to  receive  it. 
I  see  clearly,  that  there  is  nothing  on  this  earth  which  can 
purchase  So  great  a  treasure ;  but  if  we  did  what  we  could 
to  prevent  ourselves  from  clinging  to  the  things  of  this 
world,  and  if  all  our  care  and  conversation  .were  directed  to 
heaven,  I  am  confident  that  very  speedily  this  blessing  would 
be  given  to  us,  if  we  quickly  and  entirely  were  to  dispose 
ourselves  to  receive  it,  as  some  saints  have  done.  But  the 
truth  is,  we  think  we  give  all  to  God,  whereas  we  offer  Him 
only  the  rent,  or  fruits.  Keeping  in  the  meantime  the  roots, 
and  possession  of  the  land  ourselves,  we  resolve  to  be  poor, 
and  this  is  great  merit ;  but  often  do  we  employ  all  our  care 
and  diligence  in  seeing  that  we  want  nothing,  not  only  of 

'  i 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Ill 


what  is  necessary,  but  of  what  is  even  superfluous ;  and  we 
are  also  careful  to  meet  with  friends  who  will  procure  these 
things  for  us :  and  thus  we  expose  ourselves  to  greater  trou¬ 
ble,  and  perhaps  greater  danger,  than  we  were  in  before, 
when  we  had  possession  of  our  own  estates  ;  and  all  that 
nothing  may  be  wanting  to  us.  It  seems,  also,  that  in  be¬ 
coming  “  religious,”  or  when  we  begin  to  lead  a  spiritual 
life,  and  to  follow  perfection,  we  cared  not  for  the  honor  of 
this  world ;  and  yet,  as  soon  as  ever  our  honor  is  in  any 
degree  touched,  we  forget  that  we  gave  it  all  to  God,  and 
we  wish  to  snatch  it  from  the  hands  of  God  (as  they  say), 
and  so  run  away  with  it,  even  after  we  had  freely  made  Him 
Lord  of  it,  as  we  thought :  and  this  is  the  case  in  all  other 
things.  This  is  an  odd  way  of  seeking  the  love  of  God — to 
desire  to  possess  it  entirely,  and  as  it  were  in  handfuls,  and 
yet  still  to  retain  our  old  affections,  and  not  endeavor  to  ful¬ 
fil  our  good  desires,  nor  wish  to  raise  them  from  the  earth, 
though  we  expect  to  enjoy  many  spiritual  consolations  at  the 
same  time.  But  these  two  extremes  cannot  well  agree,  nor 
is  there,  in  my  opinion,  any  relation  between  them ;  and 
therefore,  because  we  do  not  at  once  give  ourselves  up  en¬ 
tirely  to  God,  this  treasure  is  not  entirely  given  to  us.  May 
His  Majesty,  however,  be  pleased  to  bestow  it  upon  us,  were 
it  only  drop  by  drop,  and  though  it  should  cost  us  all  pos¬ 
sible  labors.  God  grants  a  very  great  mercy  to  that  person 
whom  he  endows  with  grace  and  courage  to  resolve  on  pro¬ 
curing,  with  all  his  strength,  this  blessing ;  because,  if  he 
perseveres,  our  Lord- will  not  deny  it  to  him  ;  and  by  degrees 
He  will  be  giving  him  courage  to  gain  this  victory.  I  men¬ 
tion  courage”  as  necessary,  because  in  the  beginning  the 
devil  represents  many  difficulties,  in  order  that  we  may  not 
commence  the  good  path  effectually,  as  one  who  knows  the 
injury  he  will  receive,  not  only  by  losing  that  one  soul,  but 
many  others  also.  If  he  who  has  begun  to  serve  God  en¬ 
deavors,  by  the  Divine  assistance,  to  arrive  at  the  height  of 
perfection,  I  believe  such  an  one  will  never  go  alone  to 
heaven,  but  he  will  bring  many  others  with  him ;  and  God 
will  give  these  to  him  as  to  a  valiant  captain,  that  they  may 
march  under  his  guidance.  Hence,  as  the  devil  will  put 
many  dangers  and  difficulties  in  the  way,  great  courage  is 


112 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


necessary,  as  well  as  very  many  graces  from  God,  in  order 
not  to  turn  back. 

I  will  now  speak  of  the  manner  in  which  those  ought  to 
commence  who  are  determined  to  go  in  search  of  this  bless¬ 
ing,  and  to  succeed  in  this  enterprise.  I  shall  treat  after¬ 
wards  on  what  1  have  already  begun  to  speak  about,  viz., 
“  Mystical  theology”  (as  1  think  it  is  called).  The  greatest 
trouble  comes  in  the  beginning,  for  those  who  give  their 
whole  substance  to  the  Lord  are  the  persons  wrho  suffer :  but 
in  the  other  degrees  of  prayer  there  is  more  enjoyment, 
though  all  three  have  their  crosses  in  different  ways.  All 
those,  however,  who  wish  to  follow'  Christ  must  walk  along 
the  way  He  went,  unless  they  W'ish  to  be  lost :  and  happy 
trials  these  are  which  even  in  this  life  are  so  superabundantly 
repaid !  I  will  nowr  make  use  of  some  comparisons,  which 
yet  I  would  be  glad  not  to  mention,  because  I  am  a  woman  ; 
and  I  would  wish  also  to  relate  simply  what  my  superiors 
command  me  :  but  this  language  of  the  soul  is  so  difficult  to 
be  expressed  by  ignorant  persons  like  myself,  that  I  must 
discover  some  method  of  explaining  it.  It  may  happen,  that 
seldom  I  shall  have  the  good  fortune  to  give  a  proper  com¬ 
parison  ;  and  in  this  case  your  Reverence  will  be  amused  at 
seeing  my  stupidity. 

It  seems  to  me,  that  I  have  either  read  or  heard  the  fol¬ 
lowing  comparison  (though,  as  I  have  such  a  bad  memory,  I 
know  not  where  or  how  I  first  met  with  it,  but  it  will  serve 
my  purpose  for  the  present).  He  then  who  commences 
(prayer)  should  imagine  that  lie  is  beginning  to  make  a  gar¬ 
den,  for  the  delight  of  his  Lord,  in  some  very  unfruitful  soil, 
full  of  wTeeds.  His  Majesty  must  be  asked  to  pull  up  the  bad 
plants,  and  put  good  ones  in  their  place.  But  we  will  sup¬ 
pose  this  is  already  done,  when  a  soul  has  not  only  deter¬ 
mined,  but  is  resolved  to  make  use  of  mental  prayer.  And 
now,  by  God’s  help,  we  must  endeavor,  like  good  gardeners, 
to  make  these  plants  grow  ;  and  we  should  take  care  to 
water  them,  that  so  they  may  not  wither,  but  bring  forth 
flowers  of  such  sweet  fragrance  as  may  please  our  Lord  ; 
and  then  he  may  take  pleasure  in  often  coming  into  this 
garden,  and  delighting  Himself  with  our  virtues.  Let  us 
see  then  in  what  way  these  flowers  may  be  watered,  that  so 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  113 

we  may  understand  what  we  have  to  do,  and  what  trouble  it 
will  cost  us ;  whether  it  will  be  greater  than  the  gain,  and 
how  long  it  will  last.  It  seems  to  me,  that  these  plants  may 
be  watered  in  four  different  ways  : — 1.  By  drawing  water 
out  of  a  well  ;  and  this  cannot  be  done  without  much  labor. 
2.  By  using  a  wheel  with  buckets  attached  to  it  j  and  this 
can  easily  be  turned  by  the  hand  :  sometimes  I  have  in  this 
way  drawn  water  myself,  and  I  found  it  was  less  troublesome, 
and  drew  more  than  by  the  former  method.  3.  By  letting 
some  small  stream  run  into  the  garden  j  and  by  this  means 
it  will  be  watered  much  better  than  by  the  preceding  method, 
and  the  earth  will  have  more  moisture,  and  there  will  be  no 
necessity  to  water  the  ground  so  often ;  the  labor  of  the 
gardener  also  will  be  much  less.  4.  By  a  good  shower  of 
rain  falling ;  for  then  our  Lord  himself  waters  the  garden, 
without  any  labor  on  our  part ;  and  this  is  without  compari¬ 
son  by  far  the  best  method  of  all  I  have  mentioned.  And 
now  let  us  apply  these  four  ways  of  watering,  whereby  this 
garden  is  to  be  kept  in  good  order  (because  without  water  a 
garden  will  perish).  This  comparison,  which  suits  my  pur¬ 
pose,  may  serve  to  explain  in  some  measure  the  four  degrees 
of  prayer,  to  which  our  Lord  in  His  goodness  has  sometimes 
raised  my  soul.  And  may  it  please  His  Majesty,  that  I  may 
speak  correctly  and  in  such  a  way  as  to  profit  one  of  those 
persons  who  have  commanded  me  to  write  this  account,  and 
whom  our  Lord  has  advanced  further  in  four  months,  than 
I  was  ever  able  to  advance  in  seventeen  years.  But  he  dis¬ 
posed  himself  better  than  I  did ;  and  hence  his  garden  was 
Watered  in  these  four  ways,  without  any  trouble  on  his  part, 
though  the  last  of  these  was  given  to  him  only  by  drops  ; 
but  he  advances  so  rapidly,  that,  by  the  assistance  of  our 
Lord,  he  will  very  soon  be  engulfed  in  it :  and  I  should  be 
glad  were  he  to  laugh  at  me,  in  case  he  finds  my  method  of 
expressing  these  things  to  be  very  foolish.  We  may  say 
that  those  who  begin  to  use  mental  prayer  are  the  persons 
who  draw  the  water  out  of  the  well j  and  that  this  work  is 
very  troublesome,  as  I  have  mentioned  above.  They  grow 
weary  in  re-collecting  their  senses,  which,  as  they  were  ac¬ 
customed  to  wander  about,  are  difficult  to  keep  in  order. 
These  persons,  therefore,  should  accustom  themselves,  not  to 
10* 


114 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


bear  or  to  see  anything  which  may  distract  them :  they 
should  observe  their  hours  of  prayer,  love  solitude,  and  con¬ 
sider  alone  by  themselves  their  past  life.  And  though  the 
perfect  and  the  imperfect  ought  often  to  dwell  on  these 
thoughts,  yet,  as  I  shall  afterwards  show,  some  require  more, 
and  others  less  time.  At  first  they  will  feel  some  uneasiness, 
because  they  are  not  fully  satisfied  whether  they  have  re¬ 
pented  of  their  sins ;  and  yet  they  do  repent,  because  they 
are  so  determined  to  serve  God  in  good  earnest.  They  should 
endeavor  also  to  meditate  on  the  life  of  Christ,  though  the 
understanding  may  grow  weary  of  this  practice.  At  this 
point  we  may  be  able  to  arrive  ourselves — I  mean,  together 
with  the  divine  assistance  ;  for,  without  this,  we  know  we 
cannot  have  even  a  good  thought.  This  is  beginning  to 
draw  water  out  of  the  well,  and  God  grant  there  may  be 
some ;  at  least,  the  fault  will  not  be  ours  if  there  be  none, 
provided  we  endeavor  to  draw  it,  and  do  all  in  our  power  to 
water  those  flowers.  And  God  is  so  good,  that  when,  for 
reasons  best  known  to  His  Majesty  (perhaps  for  our  greater 
profit),  He  wishes  this  well  to  become  dry,  He  still  supports 
the  flowers  without  water,  provided  we  do  our  part  like  good 
gardeners,  and  He  causes  virtues  to  spring  up.  By  water  I 
mean  u  tears and  if  there  be  none,  tenderness,  and  an  in¬ 
ward  feeling  of  devotion. 

But  what  will  he  do  who  experiences  nothing  for  a  long 
time  but  dryness,  disgust,  and  insipidity,  and  so  little  incli-\ 
nation  to  go  and  draw  any  more  water  ?  If  he  did  not  re¬ 
member  that  he  pleases  the  Lord  of  the  garden,  and  does  a 
service  to  Him ;  and  if  he  were  not  careful  not  to  lose  the 
merit  of  all  his  service,  and  the  hope  also  of  gaining  more 
by  the  great  labor  of  often  easting  the  bucket  into  the  well, 
and  of  bringing  it  up  without  any  water,  then  he  would  be 
inclined  to  give  up  everything.  Oftentimes  it  will  happen 
that  he  will  not  be  able  to  move  his  arms,  nor  to  have  even 
a  good  thought :  this  working  with  the  understanding,  it  is 
understood,  means  “  drawing  water  from  the  well.”  But 
now,  as  I  was  saying,  what  is  the  gardener  to  do  in  this  case  ? 
He  should  rejoice  and  console  himself,  and  esteem  it  a  very 
great  favor  to  work  in  the  garden  of  so  great  a  prince.  And 
since  He  knows  that  thereby  he  gives  Him  pleasure  (for  his 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


116 


object  should  be,  not  to  please  himself,  but  God),  let  him 
praise  our  Lord,  who  treats  with  him  so  confidently,  because 
He  sees  him  so  careful  to  do  what  He  commands  him,  with¬ 
out  receiving  any  recompense ;  and  let  him  assist  our  Lord 
m  carrying  His  cross,  and  remember  that  He  lived  all  His 
life  upon  it.  He  should  not  desire  to  have  his  kingdom  here 
in  this  world,  nor  ever  once  give  up  his  prayer  :  but  rather 
let  him  resolve,  though  this  dryness  should  last  all  his  life, 
never  to  allow  Christ  to  fall  with  His  cross.  The  time  will 
come  when  he  will  be  repaid  altogether ;  he  need  not  fear 
lest  his  labor  should  be  lost,  for  he  serves  a  good  Master, 
who  beholds  all  that  he  does.  He  should  not  make  any  ac¬ 
count  of  bad  thoughts,  but  consider  how  the  devil  repre¬ 
sented  them  to  St.  Jerome  in  the  desert.  These  labors  have 
their  value ;  and  I  assert,  as  one  who  has  endured  them  for 
many  years,  that  when  I  drew  only  a  drop  of  water  fr<  m 
this  blessed  well,  X  thought  that  God  conferred  a  favor  upon 
me.  I  know  these  troubles  are  very  great  ;  and  it  seems  to 
me,  more  courage  is  necessary  to  support  them  than  many 
other  tioubles  in  the  world  :  but  I  have  clearly  seen,  that 
even  in  this  life,  God  does  not  leave  such  souls  without  be¬ 
stowing  pn  them  great  rewards;  for  it  is  most  certain, 
that  v  hen  I  have  passed  one  hour  only  in  the  enjoyment  of 
our  Lord  here  below,  I  have  afterwards  esteemed  all  my 
afflictions  well  rewarded,  which  I  endured  all  the  time  I 
made  use  _  of  prayer.  I  believe  that  our  Lord  is  desirous 
often  to  give,  in  the  beginning,  these  afflictions,  and  many 
other  such  temptations  which  occur,  in  order  to  try  His 
lovers,  and  to  discover  if  they  can  drink  His  chalice,  and 
help  Him  to  carry  His  cross,  before  He  will  commit  such 
valuable  treasures  to  them.  And  I  think  that,  for  our 
greater  good,  His  Majesty  wisLes  to  carry  us  along  this  way, 
that  so  we  may  understand  how  little  we  are  worth ;  because 
the  favors  he  afterwards  bestows  are  so  excellent,  that  He 
wishes  we  should  first  know  our  misery  by  experience  before 
He  bestows  them,  lest  what  happened  to  Lucifer  might  be¬ 
fall  us. 

But  what,  oh  my  Lord  !  art  Thou  doing?  Would  it  not 
be  better,  for  the  good  of  that  soul  which  Thou  knowest  is 
already  thine,  and  which  puts  herself  into  Thy  hands,  to 


116 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


follow  Thee  wheresoever  Thou  goest,  were  it  even  to  the 
death  of  the  cross,  and  to  resolve  to  help  Thee  to  carry  it, 
and  never  to  leave  Thee  alone  with  it  ?  They  who  see  them¬ 
selves  possessed  with  such  resolutions  need  not  fear ;  for 
spiritual  persons,  who  are  raised  to  such  a  high  degree  of 
perfection  as  to  despise  all  the  pleasures  of  the  world,  and  to 
wish  to  be  alone  with  God,  have  no  reason  to  be  afflicted. 
The  rest  is  already  accomplished  ;  praise  llis  Majesty  for  it, 
and  confide  in  His  goodness,  for  He  never  was  wanting  to 
His  friends.  Consider  not  why  He  gives  to  one  sensible 
devotion  in  a  few  days,  and  does  not  grant  it  to  another 
for  many  years.  Let  us  believe  that  all  this  is  done  for  our 
greater  good  ;  and  let  His  Majesty  guide  us  where  He  pleases, 
for  now  we  are  no  longer  our  own,  but  His.  Great  is  the 
favor  He  bestows  upon  us  in  permitting  us  to  dig  in  His 
garden,  and  in  allowing  us  to  be  so  near  the  Lord  thereof; 
for  it  is  certain  that  He  is  with  us,  whether  He  be  pleased 
that  these  plants  and  flowers  grow  or  not  grow,  by  giving 
water  to  some  and  none  to  others,  what  does  that  matter  ? 
Do,  0  Lord,  as  thou  pleasest,  only  let  me  not  offend  Thee, 
nor  let  my  virtue.1?  be  lost  if  Thou  hast  given  me  any.  I 
wish  to  suffer,  0  Lord,  since  Thou  didst  suffer.  May  Thy 
will  be  accomplished  in  me  in  every  way,  and  Thy  Majesty 
be  pleased  that  a  treasure  of  such  high  value  as  Thy  love, 
may  never  be  given  to  those  who  only  wish  to  serve  Thee  for 
the  pleasures  thereof. 

It  is  necessary  to  remark  (and  I  speak  of  this  fact,  because 
I  know  the  truth  of  it  by  experience),  that  a  soul  which 
begins  to  walk  in  this  way  of  mental  prayer,  with  a  firm  de¬ 
termination  not  to  make  much  account  whether  she  receive 
many  consolations  or  none  at  all, — because  our  Lord  gives 
these  consolations  and  tenderness  of  devotion,  or  He  does 
not, — such  a  soul  has  already  passed  over  the  greater  part 
of  the  road,  and  she  need  have  no  fear  of  going  back  again, 
whatever  obstacles  she  may  meet  with,  for  the  building  is 
placed  on  a  solid  foundation.  Hence  the  love  of  God 
consists,  not. in  having  the  gift  of  tears,  nor  in  receiving  con¬ 
solations  and  tenderness  of  devotion  (which  we  may,  however, 
desire  and  take  comfort  in);  but  in  serving  Him  with  justice,* 
fortitude,  and  humility  ;  otherwise,  it  seems  to  me,  we  should 


life  of  st.  teresa. 


117 


be  receiving  everything,  and  giving  nothing  ourselves.  And 
as  for  weak,  insignificant,  and  cowardly  women  like  myself 
ine thinks  it  good  and  proper  our  Lord  should  lead  us  on  with 
consolations,  such  as  I  now  receive  from  Him, — in  order 
that  we  may  the  better  endure  those  afflictions  which  His 
Majesty  is  pleased  to  send  us.  But  as  regards  true 
servants  of  God,  men  of  solid  virtue,  learned,  and  sen¬ 
sible,  that  such  should  be  disturbed  at  not  receiving 
trcrm  God  tenderness  of  devotion,  gives  me  sorrow.  They 
-should  certainly  receive  these  delights  when  God  grants 
them,  and  esteem  them  very  highly,  because  then  His 
Majesty  sees  they  are  good  for  them  ;  but  when  they 
have  them  not,  they  should  not  be  troubled,  knowing 
that  as  His  Majesty  does  not  give  them,  they  are  not 
necessary  for  them ;  they  should  be  masters  of  themselves 
m  everything ;  and  believe  this  is  a  defect,  for  I  have  tried 
and  seen  it  myself,  and  an  imperfection,  not  to  walk  on 

difficult'  rt^  anC*  to  cowardly  in  attacking 


I  say  not  this  so  much  for  those  who  are  beginners  (though  I 
place  much  stress  on  it,  because  it  is  very  important  they  should 
begin  with  this  liberty  and  determination),  but  for  others  also  • 
tor  there  are  many  who  have  begun,  and  yet  do  not  advance  • 
and.  1  think  it  is,  in  a  great  measure,  owing  to  their  not 
havmg  embraced  the  cross  from  the  beginning.  Such  persons 
will  fall  into  affliction,  thinking  that  they  do  nothing  •  and 
because  the  understanding  does  not  work,  they  are  in  trouble 
though,  perhaps,  then  it  is  that  the  will  is  nourished  and 
strengthened  without  their  perceiving  it.  We  should  re¬ 
collect  that  our  Lord  does  not  look  at  these  things,  for 
though  they  may  seem  to  us  to  be  faults,  yet  they  are  not  so 
m  reality.  His  Majesty  already  knows  our  misery  and  base 
nature,  much  better  than  we  do  ourselves,  and  how  these 
souls. desire  always  to  be  thinking  of  Him  and  loving  Him. 
I  his  is  that  “  determination.”  which  He  desires  from  us  ;  but 
the  other  is  an  affliction  which  we  bring  on  ourselves,  for  it 
serves  only  to  disturb  the  soul ;  and  if  before  she  were  unable 
to  advance  during  one  hour,  now  she  will  not  perhaps  advance 
m  four  hours.  And  many  times  (for  I  have  great  experience 
m  this  matter,  and  know  it  to  be  true,  because  I  have  care- 


118  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

fully  considered  the  subject,  and  spoken  about  it  afterwards 
with  spiritual  persons) — this  arises  fromcorporal  indisposition ; 
for  as  we  are  so  miserable,  this  poor  confined  soul  of  ours 
participates  in  the  miseries  of  the  body.  Even  the  change 
of  the  weather  and  seasons,  and  our  own  humors  are  often 
the  cause,  why  (without  any  fault  of  ours)  we  cannot  do  as 
we  wish,  and  hence  we  suffer  in  every  way.  And  when  we  try 
to  force  ourselves  at  this  particular  time,  the  evil  becomes 
worse  and  lasts  the  longer.  J udgment  is  necessary  in  order 
to  know  when  the  evil  proceeds  from  this  cause,  and  the  poor  • 
soul  must  not  be  oppressed ;  we  should  also  he  aware  that 
we  are  sick,  and  the  hour  of  prayer  should  be  changed,  and 
this  very  often  for  several  days.  This  banishment  we  must 
endure  as  well  as  we  can,  for  it  is  misery  enough  for  a  soul 
which  loves  God  to  see  that  she  lives  in  this  misery,  and  that 
she  is  unable  to  do  what  she  desires  on  account  of  the  in¬ 
firmities  of  the  body  in  which  she  lodges.  I  said  this  is  to 
be  done  with  discretion,  because  sometimes  the  devil  will  be 
the  cause  of  these  things,  and  therefore  it  is  good  not  always 
to  omit  the  usual  time  of  prayer  whenever  there  may  be 
great  disturbance  and  distraction  in  the  understanding,  nor 
yet  always  to  be  tormenting  the  soul  to  make  her  do  what 
she  is  not  able.  There  are  also  other  exterior  works  of 
charity  which  may  be  used  ;  and  though  sometimes  the  soul 
may  not  be  able  to  attend  to  these,  yet  she  must  accommodate 
herself,  for  the  love  of  God,  to  the  weakness  of  the  body 
(because  at  other  times  the  body  serves  the  soul);  and  she 
may  use  as  recreations  holy  conversations,  or  walk  out  into 
the  fields,  just  as  her  confessor  shall  advise.  Experience  is 
an  excellent  schoolmaster  in  everything,  for  it  makes  one 
understand  what  suits  us  ;  and  in  all  things  God  is  served, 
for  His  yoke  is  sweet.  It  is  very  important  the  soul  should 
not  be  dragged  along  the  ground,  as  it  were,  but  that  she  should 
be  led  along  with  mildness  and  sweetness,  that  so  she  may  ad¬ 
vance  the  more.  Hence  I  again  advise  every  one  (and  though  I 
repeat  this  advice  often,  it  will  do  no  harm,  for  it  is  very 
important) — not  to  be  depressed  or  afflicted  either  on  account 
of  drynesses  or  troubles,  or  distracting  thoughts.  If  we  wish 
to  obtain  liberty  of  spirit,  we  should  not  be  always  going 
about  in  trouble;  but  we  should  begin  at  once  not  to  be 


119 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

frightened  at  the  cross,  and  then  we  shall  see  how  our  Lord 
will  help  us  to  bear  it,  with  what  pleasure  we  shall  proceed, 
and  what  profit  we  shall  derive  from  everything.  We  already 
see  that  if  there  be  no  water  in  the  well,  we  cannot  of  our¬ 
selves  put  any  into  it.  The  truth  is,  we  must  not  be  neg- 
hgent  ,n  drawing  the  water  when  there  is  any  in,  because  by 
this  means  our  Lord  wishes  to  multiply  our  virtues  ^ 


CHAPTER  XII. 

the  saint  continues  her  discourse  on  the  first  degree  of 

PRAYER. 

That  which  I  intended  to  be  understood  in  the  last  chap¬ 
ter  (though  yet  I  spoke  at  some  length  on  other  points, 
because  I  considered  it  necessary  to  do  so)  was,  how  much 
we  could  acquire  ourselves,  and  how  in  this  first  part  of  our 
devotmn  we  may  in  some  degree  help  ourselves ;  because  by 
thinking  and  pondering  on  what  our  Lord  suffered  for  us 
we  are  moved  to  compassion,  and  the  sorrow  and  tears  which 
spring  therefrom  are  very  sweet.  To  think  also  of  the 
eternal  glory  we  hope  for,  and  of  the  love  our  Lord  bore  us, 
and  of  Ills  resurrection, -this  excites  joy  within  us,  which 
is  neither  wholly  spiritual  nor  sensual,  but  it  is  a  virtuous 
kind  ot  joy,  and  our  sorrow  is  very  meritorious.  Of  this 
nature  are  all  those  things  which  cause  devotion,  acquired 
in  part  by  the  understanding,  though  there  be  no  merit  or 
gain  therein  unless  God  give  it.  But  it  will  be  very  proper 
for  a  soul  which  God  has  not  raised  to  this  state,  not  to 
endeavor  to  aspire  any  higher ;  and  let  this  point  Le  well 
remembered,  for  otherwise  it  may  cause  her  ruin.  In  this 
degree  she  may  perform  several  good  actions,  by  resolving  to 
do  many  things  for  God,  and  by  awakening  her  love  of  Him 
and  other  such  actions,  which  help  her  to  increase  in  virtue! 
according  to  the  rules  given  in  a  book  called,  “  The  Art  of 
serving  God:  _  this  is  a  very  good  book,  and  very  proper  for 
those  who  are  in  this  state,  because  the  understanding  acts, 
bhe  may  also  represent  herself  as  in  the  presence  of  Christ 
and  to  accustom  herself  to  be  greatly  enamored  with  His’ 


120 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


sacred  Humanity,  and  to  be  always  carrying  Him  along  with 
•her,  and  speaking  to  Him  :  she  may  likewise  beg  His  assist¬ 
ance  in  her  necessities,  and  even  complain  to  Him  of  her 
afflictions,  and  rejoice  with  Him  in  her  consolations,  but  yet 
so  as  not  to  forget  Him  on  their  account.  All  this  may  be 
done  without  making  use  of  any  set  form  of  prayer,  but  only 
words  conformable  with  her  desires  and  necessities.  This  is 
an  excellent  way  of  advancing  in  a  very  short  time  ;  and 
whoever  will  endeavor  to  keep  himself  in  this  holy  company, 
and  to  make  a  good  use  of  it,  and  also  to  conceive  a  true 
love  for  our  Lord,  to  whom  we  owe  so  much,  such  a  one  I 
consider  as  having  already  advanced.  For  this  purpose,  we 
must  not  in  any  wfay  be  troubled  that  we  have  no  sensible 
devotion,  as  I  have  mentioned  already,  but  rather  we 
should  give  thanks  to  our  Lord  for  making  us  desirous, 
of  pleasing  Him,  however  weak  our  works  may  be.  This 
method  of  carrying  Christ  with  us  in  all  the  four  degrees  is 
very  useful :  it  is  a  most  secure  means  of  advancing  in  the 
first  degree,  and  of  quickly  arriving  at  the  second  degree  of 
prayer  ;  and  of  being  free,  in  the  two  last,  from  those  dangers 
which  the  devil  may  place  in  our  way. 

I  have  now  mentioned  what  we  can  do :  if  any  one  should 
desire  to  pass  from  this  state,  and  should  raise  his  mind  to 
the  hope  of  feeling  certain  consolations  which  God  does  not 
grant  him,  this,  in  my  opinion,  'would  be  to  lose  both  the  one 
and  the  other ;  for  4s  these  consolations  are  supernatural, 
when  the  understanding  is  lost,  the  soul  then  remains  desolate 
and  in  great  dryness.  And  since  the  whole  building  is 
grounded  on  humility,  the  nearer  wre  approach  to  God,  the 
more  shall  we  advance  in  this  virtue ;  and  if  we  do  not,  all 
is  lost.  It  seems  to  me  a  kind  of  pride  when  we  desire  to 
advance  higher,  .since  God  bestows  too  much  honor  upon  us 
(considering  who  we  are) — to  allow  us  to  be  so  near  Him. 

But  it  must  not  be  understood  as  if  I  spoke  against  raising 
up  our  thoughts  to  the  consideration  of  heavenly  things,  or 
of  God  and  His  wisdom,  and  the  wonders  which  are  above. 
And  though  1  never  did  this  myself,  for  (as  I  have  said)  I 
have  no  ability  for  it;  and  I  knew  I  was  so  wicked,  that 
God  conferred  a  favor  on  me  in  enabling  me  to  think  even  of 
earthly  things,  that  so  I  might  understand  this  truth  (and 


LIFE  of  ST.  TERESA. 


lAx 


may  profit  thereby,  especially  tf thfv  haw’  ?*her.per“nJs 
aeoomSdWwith  'hun^t^f  tr  ’  the'  excise  TT’* 

Kks  f r » ss  £~ 

have  made  very  great  progress  •  and  thi-  t^y 

higher'L1,,  Gid  ^hesTrA^T^  "*?*,  °MSel™ 

yaking,  he  who  has  not  experience 

how  to  express  it.  In  «n^hT0W 

^33SL=?4P= 

■sume  or  even  to  think  of  suspending  it  ourselveVtfi?r-" 
what  I  am  saying  we  must  notPdo ;  neither  must  w Cf  !i 
working  therewith,  because  we  should  then  Lconm  l? 
stupid,  and  not  obtain  what  we  desire  •  h  t  1  t  'J 

itsdf  andSUSrT1?i  n  6  SUpplies  i4  v’ith  “a «  “  CoccupJ 
itself,  and  ravish  it  with  astonishment  ±  0CCUPy 

r°«  OS]!  .‘h“  Unlte“  -ore  during’ttAorilpS 

possible  study,  tring*  ZyTe^ButTT"’  ^  f 

wswiss*  h'r£hFF$ 

person  is  about  to  take  a  leap.Cnd  bfeld  back  bv  CC  & 

himTlf  S  t0  MaVe  em^ed  aI1  his  strength,  and  tet  finds 

mself  unable  to  accomplish  what  he  had  desired  to  do 
And  so,  whoever  will  consider  the  matter  will  find  L  +p  * 
slender  gain  be  has  made,  some  little  wantCf  humil^, ‘of 


11 


*  On  this  subject  see  the  Preface. 


122 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


which  I  was  speaking,  because  this  virtue  has  the  excellent 
property,  viz.,  that  there  is  no  action,  if  it  be  accompanied 
with  humility,  which  will  ever  leave  the  soul  in  disgust.  I 
think  what  1  have  said  has  been  understood,  though  perhaps 
only  by  myself :  may  our  Lord  open  the  eyes  of  those  who 
read  it;  for  however  small  may  be  their  experience,  they 
will  soon  understand  what  I  have  been  speaking  about. 

For  several  years  I  continued  to  read  many  things,  and 
yet  I  understood  none  of  them ;  and  there  was  also  a  long 
time  during  which,  though  God  gave  me  ability  to  under¬ 
stand,  I  was  not  able  to  express  myself  so  as  to  be  understood  ; 
and  this  cost  me  no  little  labor:  but  when  His  Majesty 
wishes,  lie  teaches  us  everything  in  a  moment,  and  this,  too, 
in  such  a  way  as  perfectly  to  astonish  me.  One  thing  I  can 
say  with  truth,  that  though  I  spoke  with  many  spiritual  per¬ 
sons,  who  wished  to  make  me  understand  what  our  Lord  im¬ 
parted  to  me,  in  order  that  I  might  be  able  to  declare  it  to 
others;  yet  it  is  certain  my  dulness  was  so  great,  that  their 
discourse  was  no  use  to  me.  And  perhaps  our  Lord,  as  1  is 
Majesty  was  always  my  master  (and  may  He  be  blessed  loi- 
ever,  since  it  is  confusion  enough  to  be  able  to  say  this  with 
truth),  was  pleased  I  should  have  no  one  to  thank  but  Him¬ 
self;  and  without  my  desiring  or  wishing  it  (for  in  this  point 
I  was  in  no  way  curious,  because  it  might  have  been  a  virtue 
to  be  so  ;  but  I  was  curious  in  other  vanities),  He  gave  me 
to  understand  it  in  a  moment,  that  so  I  might  be  able  to  de¬ 
clare  it  to  others ;  and  this,  too,  in  such  a  manner,  that  men 
were  amazed  thereat;  and  I  myself  was  more  than  liiycon- 
fessors,  because  I  knew  my  dulness  better  than  they  did.  it 
is  not  long  since  this  ln.ppened ;  and  so  I  do  not  endeavor  to 
know  those  things  which  our  Lord  has  not  taught  me,  only 
so  far  as  they  relate  to  my  conscience. 

I  again  repeat,  that  it  is  very  important  nqt  to  elevate  our 
spirit,  unless  our  Lord  please  to  do  it,  and  this  is  very  soon 
understood.  For  women,  especially,  it  is  more  dangerous, 
as  the  devil  may  bring  some  illusion  upon  them.  But  still  1 
consider  it  certain,  our  Lord  will  not  permit  the  devil  to  do 
him  any  harm  who  shall  endeavor  to  approach  His  Majesty 
with  humility  ;  rather  will  he  derive  more  profit  and  advan¬ 
tage  from  that  very  thing,  by  means  of  which  the  devil 


I 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  123 

thought  of  ruining  him.  I  have  thus  entered  into  some  long 
details,  because  the  road  of  beginners  is  more  beaten,  and 
because  the  admonitions  I  have  given  are  very  important.  I 
acknowledge,  however,  that  others  have  written  better  than 
myself  on  the  subject ;  and  it  is  with  great  shame  and  con¬ 
fusion  I  have  written,  though  not  with  so  much  as  I  ought 
to  have.  May  our  Lord  he  praised  by  all  men,  since  He 
permits  so  miserable  a  creature  as  I  am  to  speak  of  things 
relating  to  Him,  and  these  so  high. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

SHE  CONTINUES  THE  FIRST  DEGREE  OF  PRAYER,  ANB>  GIVES  ADVICE 
AGAINST  CERTAIN  TEMPTATIONS,  WHICH  ARE  SOMETIMES  BROUGHT 
ON  BY  THE  DEVIL. 

I  think  it  proper  to  speak  on  certain  temptations,  which 
I  have  noticed  occur  in  the  beginning,  and  which  I  have  also 
experienced  myself:  I  will  give  some  advice  respecting  them, 
which  I  consider  necessary.  A  beginner,  then,  should  en¬ 
deavor  to  go  on  with  cheerfulness  and  liberty,  for  some  per¬ 
sons  seem  to  think  their  devotion  will  vanish,  if  they  should 
take  any  little  recreation.  It  is  certainly  proper  to  have  a 
fear  of  one’s  self,  that  so  we  may  entirely  distrust  ourselves 
in  not  putting  ourselves  in  the  occasions  in  which  we  are 
accustomed  to  offend  God ;  and  this  distrust  will  be  very 
necessary  until  we  become  perfectly  confirmed  in  virtue. 
Few  there  are  who  are  so  confirmed,  that  they  can  safely 
trust  themselves  in  occasions  which  are  conformable  to  their 
natural  inclinations  ;  indeed,  as  long  as  we  live  in  this  world, 
it  is  well  to  know  our  miserable  nature,  were  it  only  for  the 
sake  of  humility.  But  there  are  many  occasions  when  it  is 
allowed  (as  I  have  mentioned)  to  take  recreation,  in  order 
that  we  may  return  to  prayer  with  greater  strength  ;  but  in 
all  things  discretion  is  necessary,  and  likewise  great  confi¬ 
dence  in  God  ;  for  it  is  not  proper  to  be  diminishing  our  de¬ 
sires,  but  we  must  trust  in  Him.  And  if  we  use  our  utmost 
exertions,  we  may  by  little  and  little,  though  not  immediately, 
arrive  at  the  same  perfection  the  saints  did,  by  the  Divine 


124 


LIFE  OF  ST  .  TERESA. 


assistance.  And  if  these  had  never  resolved  to  aspire 
thereto,  and  had  not  endeavored  by  degrees  to  execute  their 
resolves,  they  would  never  have  reached  so  high  a  state. 
His  Majesty  loves,  and  is  a  friend  of  courageous  souls,  pro¬ 
vided  they  proceed  with  humility,  and  have  no  confidence  in 
themselves.  I  have  not  seeu  any  one  of  such  souls  remain 
behind  on  the  road ;  aud,  on  the  other  hand,  I  have  never 
seen  any  cowardly  soul  (though  provided  with  the  safeguard 
of  humility) — who  has  advanced  as  much  in  many  years,  as 
those  others  have  in  a  very  few  years  I  am  amazed  when 
I  consider  how  much  is  done  in  this  way,  by  animating  our¬ 
selves  to  do  great  things ;  and  though  the  soul  may  not  have 
sufficient  strength  to  perform  them  immediately,  yet  she 
takes  a  flight,  and  mounts  high,  though,  like  a  bird  not  yet 
well  feathered,  she  grows  tired  and  reposes  herself. 

Formerly  I  often  considered  what  St.  Paul  says  :  “  I  can 
do  all  things  in  Him  who  strengthens  me.”  As  for  myself, 
I  knew  well  I  could  do  nothing.  I  also  gained  great  profit 
from  the  words  of  St.  Augustine  :  u  Give  what  Thou  com- 
mandest,  and  command  what  Thou  wilt.”  I  often  thought 
that  St.  Peter  lost  nothing  by  throwing  himself  into  the  sea, 
though  afterwards  he  was  afraid.  These  first  resolutions  are 
of  great  importance,  though  in  this  first  degree  it  is  neces¬ 
sary  that  we  should  proceed  with  discretion,  and  do  nothing 
without  the  advice  of  a  director.  But  we  must  take  care 
that  He  be  one  who  will  not  teach  us  to  go  along  like  toads, 
nor  to  hunt  after  lizards ;  humility  must  ever  precede,  that 
so  we  may  understand  this  strength  does  not  come  from  our¬ 
selves.  But  we  should  first  understand  what  kind  of 
humility  this  must  be ;  for  I  think  the  devil  does  those  who 
practice  prayer  much  harm,  and  prevents  them  from  advanc¬ 
ing,  by  causing  them  not  to  understand  what  humility  pro¬ 
perly  is ;  and  by  endeavoring  to  make  them  think  it  is  a 
species  of  pride  to  have  heroic  desires,  and  to  wish  for  mar¬ 
tyrdom,  and  to  be  anxious  to  imitate  the  saints.  He  imme¬ 
diately  tells  us,  or  makes  us  suppose,  that  the  actions  of  the 
saints  are  only  to  be  admired,  not  imitated,  by  us  sinners. 
This  I  say  likewise  ;  only  we  must  consider  what  in  par¬ 
ticular  is  to  be  admired,  and  what  imitated.  It  would  not 
be  proper  for  a  weak  and  sickly  person  to  fast  much,  or  use 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


125 


severe  penances,  or  go  into  a  desert  where  he  could  neither 
sleep,  nor  get  anything  to  eat,  and  so  on.  But  we  should 
be  convinced,  that  we  may,  by  the  Divine  assistance,  strive 
to  have  a  great  contempt  for  the  world  5  not  to  esteem 
honois,  nor  to  be  attached  to  riches.  Our  hearts  are,  how¬ 
ever,  so  very  narrow,  that  if  we  neglect  a  little  the  concerns 
of  the  body,  in  order  to  give  more  attention  to  the  soul,  it 
seems  to  us  as  if  we  should  have  no  ground  to  stand  upon. 
It  seems  a  help  to  recollection  not  to  be  in  want  of  necessary 
things  ;  for  cares  of  any  land  interrupt  prayer.  I  am  grieved 
that  we  should  have  so  little  confidence  in  God,  and  so  much 
self  love  as  to  be  disturbed  by  any  care.  But  the  truth  is, 
that  when  a  soul  has  made  but  little  progress,  trifles  will 
give  as  gi  eat  trouble  to  some  persons  as  matters  of  great 
importance,  do  to  others ;  and  yet  in  our  own  minds  we  pre¬ 
sume  to  think  ourselves  spiritual  men.  This  way  of  acting 
seems,  to  me  to  imply  a  desire  of  satisfying  our  soul  and 
body  m  such  a  way  as  to  take  our  ease  in  this  world,  and  to 
hope  to  enjoy  God  in  the  next.  And  this  will  be  the  case, 
if  we  walk  m  justice  and  adhere  to  virtue  ;  still  it  is  but  the 
pace  of  a  hen,  and  never  will  it  enable  us  to  enjoy  true 
liberty  of  spirit.  This  seems  a  good  method  of  proceeding 
for  those  who  are  married,  and  who  must  act  in  conformity 
with  their  vocation ;  but  for  any  other  state  to  advance  in 
that  way,  I  on  no  account  desire  ;  nor  will  people  ever  make 
me  believe  it  is  a  good  way,  for  I  have  tried  it  myself,  and 
1  should  always  have  continued  in  that  road,  if  our  Lord  in 
His  goodness  had  not  taught  me  another  shorter  way. 

It  is  true,  I  always  had  great  desires,  and  I  endeavored 
(as  I  have  said)  to  practice  prayer,  though  at  the  same  time 
1  wished  to  live  at  my  ease.  But  I  believe  that  if  I  could 
have  found  any  one  to  encourage  me  to  fly  higher,  I  should 
have  endeavored  to  execute  those  desires.  But,  through 
oui  sins,  few  there  are  who  have  over-much  discretion  for 
such  cases ;  and  this  I  think  is  one  great  reason  why  begin¬ 
ners  do  not  advance  more  quickly  on  towards  perfection.  Our 
Lord  never  fails  on  His  part :  it  is  we  ourselves  who  are 
faulty  and  miserable. 

Persons,  may  also  imitate  saints,  in  loving  solitude  and 
keeping  silence,  and  practicing  many  other  virtues  that  will 


126  LIFE  OF' ST.  TERESA. 

not  destroy  these  our  miserable  bodies,  which  with  so  much 
care  we  desire  to  preserve,  even  at  the  risk  of  injuring  the 
soul.  The  devil,  too,  helps  us  a  great  deal  to  make  us  un¬ 
able  to  do  these  things  ;  for  when  he  sees  we  have  some  little 
fear,  he  desires  no  more  than  to  persuade  us  that  everything 
will  be  apt  to  kill  us,  or  at  least  to  deprive  us  of  our  health  ; 
and  if  we  should  have  the  gift  of  tears,  he  will  try  to  make 
us  fear  we  shall  lose  our  sight.  I  have  passed  through  these 
temptations,  and  therefore  know  them  ;  and  I  know  also, 
that  we  cannot  desire  a  better  kind  of  life  or  health  than  to 
lose  them  both  in  such  a  cause.  Being  so  infirm  myself,  I 
was  always  tied  up,  and  unable  to  do  anything,  till  I  resolved 
to  make  no  account  at  all  of  my  health,  or  to  care  for  my 
body  :  even  now  I  can  do  but  little.  But  as  soon  as  our 
Lord  was  pleased  I  should  discover  this  trick  of  the  devil,  I 
told  him,  whenever  he  represented  to  me  the  danger  of  losing 
my  health,  that  “  my  death  would  be  of  little  consequence j” 
if  he  represented  to  me  the  necessity  of  rest,  I  told  him 
“  thas  it  was  not  ease  which  I  now  wanted,  but  the  cross 
and  so  I  acted  in  other  cases.  Though  I  am  certainly  very 
infirm,  yet  I  saw  clearly  that  in  many  things  it  was  either  a 
temptation  of  the  devil,  or  my  own  laziness.  But  as  I  am 
not  so  nice  and  delicate  as  formerly,  I  now  enjoy  much  bet¬ 
ter  health.  It  is  therefore  of  great  importance,  that  those 
who  begin  to  practice  mental  prayer  be  not  disturbed  or  ter¬ 
rified  by  their  thoughts :  let  them  believe  me  in  this  point, 
for  I  have  some  experience  therein ;  and  perhaps  it  may  be 
of  some  use  to  mention  these  my  faults,  that  so  others  may 
take  warning  by  me. 

There  is  another  very  common  temptation,  which  is  this : 
to  desire  that  all  may  become  very  spiritual,  as  soon  as  we 
ourselves  begin  to  taste  the  calm  and  advantages  which  come 
from  prayer.  To  desire  this  object  is  not  bad ;  but  to  en¬ 
deavor  to  effect  it  might  prove  hurtful,  unless  great  discre¬ 
tion  be  used,  and  also  some  dissimulation,  in  such  a  way  as 
not  to  let  it  appear  that  we  are  teaching.  Whoever  wishes 
to  do  some  good  in  this  respect,  must  have  some  very  solid 
virtues,  so  as  not  to  give  any  temptation  to  others.  This 
happened  to  me,  and  therefore  I  understand  it;  for  when 
<as  I  have  mentioned)  I  was  endeavoring  to  make  others 


llFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  12T 

practice  prayer,  and  when,  on  the  one  hand,  they  heard  me 
speak  on  sublime  subjects,  and  of  the  great  benefits  which 
come  from  prayer— and  when,  on  the  other  hand,  they  per¬ 
ceived  how  few  virtues  I  possessed,  I  led  them  into  tempta¬ 
tion  and  disorder.  I  could  not  be  surprised  at  this,  and 
they  themselves  told  me  as  much  afterwards,  for  they  knew 
not  how  these  two  could  be  reconciled  with  each  other :  and 
it  caused  them  not  to  think  that  to  be  evil  which  indeed  was 
so,  because  they  saw  me  do  it  sometimes,  when  they  had  a 
good  opinion  of  me.  And  this  the  devil  effects,  who  it  seems 
takes  advantage  of  the  virtues  we  possess,  in  order  to 
authorize,  as  far  as  possible,  the  evil  which  he  strives  to  ac¬ 
complish.  And  however  little  that  may  be,  when  it  is  com¬ 
mitted  in  a  community,  it  gains  much  thereby ;  and  how 
much  more  when  the  evil  which  I  did  was  very  great!  And 
thus  in  many  years,  there  were  only  three  persons  who  pro¬ 
fited  by  what  I  said  to  them.  And  when  afterwards  our 
.Loid  had  bestowed  upon  me  more  solid  virtue,  many  profited 
by  me  in  two  or  three  years,  as  I  shall  afterwards  mention. 
But  besides  this,  there  is  another  great  inconvenience,  viz., 
when  the  soul  makes  no  progress ;  because  the  chief  thing 
we  ought  to  mind  at  first,  is  to  take  care  of  our  soul  alone, 
and  to  consider  as  if  there  were  no  one  in  the  wrorld  besides 
God  and  herself :  this  is  a  very  important  point. 

There  is  also  another  temptation  (and  all  such  temptations 
come  with  a  zeal  for  virtue,  and  it  is  necessary  to  understand 
them,  and  to  use  caution),  arising  from  the  trouble  which 
men  feel  for  the  sins  and  defects  that  they  observe  in  others. 
The  devil  endeavors  to  persuade  us,  that  this  grief  is 
entertained  by  us  only  because  we  desire  they  should  not 
offend  God,  and  that  we  are  troubled  because  His  honor  is 
insulted.  Then  we  immediately  desire  to  remedy  this  evil, 
and  we  thus  become  so  restless  that  it  hinders  prayer ;  but 
the  greatest  misfortune  is,  that  we  think  this  to  be  virtue, 
perfection,  and  great  zeal  for  God’s  glory.  I  speak  not  of 
that  affliction  which  public  sins  cause,  when  a  community  is 
in  the  habit  of  committing  them,  nor  of  other  calamities  of 
the  Church,  such  as  heresies,  whereby  we  see  so  many  souls 
are  lost;  for  this  is  a  very  good  affliction,  and,  being  good, 
it  does  not  disturb  the  soul.  But  the  secure  way  for  a  soul 


128 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


which  desires  to  practice  prayer,  will  be  to  forget  all  persons 
and  all  things,  to  keep  an  account  with  herself,  and  to  please 
God.  It  is  very  proper  to  do  this ;  for  if  I  should  relate  ail 
the  errors  I  have  seen  committed  on  account  of  the  con¬ 
fidence  men  have  put  in  their  good  intentions,  I  should  never 
make  an  end  Let  us,  then,  always  endeavor  to  consider  the 
virtues  and  good  qualities  which  we  perceive  in  others,  and 
to  conceal  their  defects  by  the  consideration  of  our  own  great 
sins.  I  his  is  a  kind  ot  work,  which,  though  we  cannot 
perforin  with  perfection  in  a  short  time,  yet  we  may  gain 
great  virtue  thereby;  and  this  consists  in  esteeming  all  others 
better  than  ourselves.  I  his  we  begin  to  acquire  by  the  grace 
of  God,  of  which  we  have  need  in  everything;  and  when 
this  is  wanting,  all  our  endeavors  are  useless:  we  must 
therefore  pray  for  this  virtue,  and  if  we  use  all  diligence, 
God  will  not  be  wanting  to  any  one.  Let  those,  also,  who 
discourse  much  with  the  understanding,  consider  well  this 
advice,  for  they  are  able  to  draw  many  thoughts  and  ideas 
from  one  subject.  But  as  for  those  who  are  unable,  like 
myself,  to  work  with  this  faculty,  there  is  no  necessity  to 
give  them  advice,  but  only  to  have  patience  till  our  Lord 
gives  them  matter,  by  which  they  may  occupy  themselves, 

.  and  light  also ;  since  they  can  do  so  little  by  themselves, 
that  their  understanding  hinders  more  than  it  helps  them.  . 

But  to  return  to  those  who  discourse  with  the  understand¬ 
ing:  these  I  would  advise  not  to  spend  all  their  time  in  this 
exercise ;  for  though  it  be  very  meritorious,  yet  as  prayer  is 
so  sweet,  they  think  there  will  be  no  Sunday,  nor  any  season 
wherein  they  will  not  be  obliged  to  labor,  and  therefore  they 
immediately  suppose  all  that  time  is  lost;  whereas  I  think 
that  loss  is  great  gain.  But  let  them  (as  I  have  said) 
represent. themselves  to  be  in  the  presence  of  Christ;  and, 
without  tiring  the  understanding,  let  them  speak  and  regale 
themselves  with  Him,  and  not  be  fatiguing  themselves  in 
composing  discourses,  but  only  present  their  necessities,  and 
acknowledge  themselves  unworthy  to  be  allowed  to  appear  in 
His  presence.  Some  of  these  considerations  may  be  used  at  one 
time,  and  some  at  another,  that  so  the  soul  may  not  grow 
tired  of  always  feeding  on  the  same  food  :  they  are  also  very 
sweet  and  very  profitable*,  if  once  we  accustom  ourselves  to 


LtPfi  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


129 


feed  on  them,  for  they  bring  with  them  great  support  for 
giving  life  to  the  soul,  as  well  as  much  profit. 

But  I  will  explain  my  meaning  a  little  more,  because  these 
po  uts  connected  with  prayer  are  all  difficult ;  and  if  we  have 
not  a  director,  they  are  very  hard  to  understand.  And  this 
is  the  reason  why,  though  I  wish  to  be  short  (for  it  would  be 
sufficient  merely  to  touch  upon  them,  on  account  of  the 
abilities  of  him  who  commanded  me  to  write  these  particulars 
on  prayer),  yetmydulness  is  not  able  to  declare,  nor  explain 

well  V'T'k3’  *  subJec‘ whlch  14  so  important  to  explain 
'  :  And because  I  suffered  so  much  myself,  I  have  com- 

passion  on  those  who  begin  to  practice  prayer  by  using  only 

draw  Lf°Mhere  T°nderful  difference  between  what  we 
draw  from  them  and  what  we  learn  afterwards  by  experience. 

But  to  return  now  to  what  I  was  saying.  Leins  begin  by 
considering  some  part  of  our  Saviour’s  passion ;  af,  for 
example,  His  being  bound  to  the  pillar.  Here  let  the  under¬ 
standing  search  out  the  causes  which  produced  those  immense 
sorrows  and  pams  which  His  Majesty  endured  in  that  afflic¬ 
tion,  and  so  on  with  regard  to  other  points ;  and  if  the 
understanding  know  how  to  meditate,  or  the  person  be 

ThiAis  a  6  'iT7)  T  “'any-  less°ns  from  sueh  »  subject. 
This  is  a  method  of  prayer  in  which  every  one  may  both 

begm,  and  proceed,  and  make  an  end  :  and  it  will  be  a  very 

excellent  and  secure  way,  till  our  Lord  shall  be  pleased  to 

raise  them  to  other  supernatural  things.  I  say  «  every  one  ” 

though  there  may  be  many  souls  who  will  gain  more  profit  by 

other  mediations,  than  from  the  Sacred  Passion  ■  for  as  there 

are  many  mansions  in  heaven  so  also  there  a/e  many  wa^ 

Ithis  b  Some  persons  profit  by  meditating  on  hell,  and 
others  by  considering  the  joys  of  heaven,  and  others  by 
thinking  on  death ;  and  others  again,  if  they  be  tender¬ 
hearted,  grieve  too  much,  and  disturb  their  mind,  if  they  are 
always  meditating  on  the  Passion ;  while  they  are  more  ron- 

nessdofnr  d™fit n°re’  by  considerinS  the  Power  and  great- 
ness  °f  God  m  His  creatures,  and  the  love  He  bears  us 

wat°hofS  ma,"f?rted  U! Us  “  ever.V‘liiiig-  This  is  an  admirable 
way  of  proceeding,  though  at  the  same  time  we  must  not 

forget  frequently  to  meditate  on  the  life  and  Passion  of  Christ, 


130 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


this  being  the  source  whence  all  our  good  is  to  come,  and 
does  still  come. 

A  beginner  should  consider  what  he  gains  most  by  ;  and 
for  this  purpose  it  is  very  necessary  to  have  a  director,  if  he 
can  meet  with  an  experienced  man  :  if  lie  be  not  experienced 
he  may  commit  many  errors,  and  guide  a  soul  without  under¬ 
standing  her,  or  allowing  her  to  understand  herself;  for  as 
the  beginner  knows  how  very  meritorious  it  is  to  subject  one’s 
self  to  a  director,  so  he  will  not  dare  to  depart  from  what  he 
shall  command.  I  have  met  with  some  persons  who  were 
afflicted  and  placed  in  difficulties,  because  he  who  was  their 
guide  and  instructor  had  no  experience,  and  I  was  very  sorry 
for  them  :  others  also  I  have  seen  who  knew  not  what  to  do 
with  themselves  ;  for,  not  understanding  spiritual  matters, 
they  afflict  themselves  both  in  body  and  soul,  and  prevent 
any  advancement  in  prayer.  A  person  once  told  me  she  had 
a  director,  who  for  eight  years  would  not  allow  her  to  pass 
from  the  consideration  of  herself,  and  yet  our  Lord  had 
already  raised  her  to  the  prayer  of  Quiet,  and  thus  she  had 
great  trouble.  And  though  this  consideration  of  one’s  self 
ought  never  to  be  omittted,  nor  should  any  soul  given  to 
prayer  think  herself  so  strong,  as  not  often  to  stand  in  need 
of  becoming  a  child.  This  must  never  be  forgotten,  and 
perhaps  I  shall  speak  more  about  it,  because  it  is  very  im¬ 
portant,  and  also  because  there  is  no  degree  of  prayer  so 
high  in  which  it  will  not  be  necessary  to  return  again  to  the  first 
principles.  And  this  knowledge  of  ourselves  and  of  our 
sins,  is  the  bread  with  which  all  our  meals  ought  to  be  eaten 
in  this  road  of  prayer  :  for,  however  sumptuous  these  meals 
may  be,  they  cannot  nourish  us  without  we  have  this  bread. 
This,  however,  must  be  taken  as  it  -were  by  weight  and 
measure  ;  for  when  a  soul  sees  herself  already  humbled,  and 
is  deeply  persuaded  she  is  good  for  nothing,  and  blushes  to 
behold  herself  in  the  presence  of  so  great  a  King,  and  sees 
how  little  she  repays  Him  for  all  she  is  indebted  to  Him, 
what  necessity  is  there  to  spend  so  much  time  upon  this  point, 
without  applying  ourselves  to  other  subjects  which  our  Lord 
may  place  before  us,  and  which  it  would  not  be  proper  for  us 
to  omit  ?  Our  Lord  knows  better  than  we  do  what  is  proper 
for  us  to  feed  on. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


131 


Hence  it  is  very  important  for  the  director  to  be  skilful 
(1  mean  of  good  understanding)  and  also  experienced :  and 
it  he  be  learned,  in  addition  to  this,  it  will  be  a  very  great 
a  vantage.  Should,  however,  these  three  conditions  not  be 
found  united  together,  the  two  first  will  prove  more  useful 
and  important  than  the  third,  because  we  may  easily  consult 
learned  men  whenever  we  have  occasion.  But  learned 
directors,  if  they  be  not  experienced  in  prayer,  can  be  of 
little  use  to  beginners ;  yet,  I  do  not  say  we  should  not 
confer  with  such  men,  for  I  myself  would  prefer  to  consult  a 
learned  confessor  who  did  not  practice  prayer,  than  a  man  of 
prayer  who  was  not  learned,  for  the  latter  could  not  guide 
me  in  the  truth.  Learning  is  very  necessary,  since  it  instructs 
us  who  know  but  little,  and  gives  us  light ;  and  when  we 
come  near  the  truths  of  Holy  Scripture,  then  we  do  what 

we  ought ;  but  as  for  silly  and  foolish  devotions,  may  our 
Lord  deliver  us  from  them.  J 

I  wish  to  explain  myself  more,  for  I  think  I  say  too  many 
hings  at  once  :  but  this  was  always  my  fault,  not  to  be 

understood  (as  I  have  before  remarked),  except  at  the  expense 
ot  many  words.  r 

.  A  nun>  for  example,  begins  to  practice  prayer :  and  if  some 
simple  man  should  direct  her,  he  will  capriciously  give  her 
to  understand,  that  it  is  better  to  obey  him  than  her  superior : 
and  this  he  does  without  any  malice,  but  simply  because  he 
thinks  he  is  m  the  right ;  and  being  a  Beligious,  she  thinks 
that  what  he  says  must  be  correct.  If  the  person  be  married, 
he  will  tell  her  that  it  is  better  to  apply  herself  to  prayer, 
during  the  time  when  she  ought  to  be  engaged  about  her 
household  work,  even  though  she  should  displease  her  husband 
thereby ;  hence  she  knows  not  howto  dispose  of  her  time  or 
or  her  business,  that  so  all  may  go  on  in  order,  &c.  As  the 
director  has  not  light  himself,  he  cannot  give  it  to  others 
though  he  may  desire  to  do  so ;  for  this  purpose  learning 
may  not  seem  so  necessary ;  but  my  opinion  is  and  always 
has  been,  that  all  Christians  should  endeavor  to  consult  wifh 
learned  men  about  their  souls,  and  the  <  ftener  so  much  the 
better.  Those  who  walk  along  the  road  of  prayer  have 
greater  need  than  others  to  meet  with  such  men,  and  the 
more  spiritual  they  are,  the  better  it  will  be  for  them.  Let 


< 


132 


LITE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


not  people  deceive  themselves  by  saying,  “  that  learned  men 
not  accustomed  to  prayer  are  not  fit  directors  for  those  who 
practice  it.”  I  have  had  occasion  to  consult  many,  and  for 
the  last  few  years  more  than  usual,  because  I  had  greater  need 
of  them.  I  have  always  been  very  friendly  with  learned 
men ;  for  though  some  of  them  have  no  experience,  yet  they 
do  not  dislike  spiritual  persons,  nor  are  they  ignorant  of 
spiritual  matters,  because  in  the  Holy  Scriptures,  which  they 
study,  they  always  find  these  matters  are  not  without  some 
truth.  I  am  convinced,  that  a  person  given  to  prayer,  if  she 
take  the  advice  of  learned  directors,  will  never  be  deceived 
by  the  illusions  of  the  devil,  unless  she  wish  to  deceive 
herself.  I  believe  the  devil  is  exceedingly  afraid  of  learning, 
provided  it  be  accouipanicd  with  humility  and  other  virtues, 
for  he  knows  he  will  be  discovered  and  will  suffer  loss. 

I  have  said  thus  much,  because  some  think  that  learned 
men  are  not  fit  for  persons  given  to  prayer,  unless  they  also 
be  spiritual  men.  I  have  already  said  that  it  is  necessary 
to  have  a  spiritual  director  :  and  if  he  be  not  learned,  great 
inconvenience  may  arise.  And  yet  it  will  help  us  much  to 
treat  with  learned  men,  provided  they  be  virtuous ;  for 
though  they  may  not  be  spiritual,  they  will  benefit  us,  and 
God  will  give  them  to  understand  what  to  teach  us ;  He 
will  even  make  them  spiritual,  that  so  they  may  advance  us 
in  virtue.  I  do  not  mention  this  without  having  some  ex¬ 
perience  of  it,  for  I  have  met  with  more  than  two  such 
directors.  I  say,  therefore,  that  if  a  person  give  herself  up 
entirely  to  the  will  of  one  single  confessor,  she  will  commit 
a  great  error,  unless  she  endeavor  to  find  one  who  is  learned 
also  :  and  especially  if  the  individual  be  a  man  belonging  to 
some  Religious  Order,  because  he  must  be  subject  to  his 
superior,  who  perhaps  might  want  all  the  three  qualities 
mentioned  above  ;  this  would  be  no  little  cross  to  him  ;  and, 
besides,  he  might  be  submitting  his  understanding  to  the  will 
of  one  who  had  not  a  good  understanding  himself.  I,  at 
least,  could  never  prevail  on  myself  to  do  this,  neither  did  I 
think  it  proper. 

But  if  the  person  should  be  a  secular,  let  him  beg  of  God 
that  he  may  choose  a  man  to  whom  he  will  subject  himself, 
and  let  him  not  lose  this  virtuous  liberty  :  he  might  even 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


133 


remain  for  a  time  without  any  director  till  he  find  a  fit  one, 
for  our  Lord  will  certainly  give  him  such  a  one  if  he  become 
deeply  grounded  in  humility,  and  has  a  desire  to  make  a 
proper  choice.  I  myself  admire  such  a  director  exceedingly  ; 
and  both  men  and  women,  who  are  not  learned,  should  always 
give  great  thanks  to  God,  that  there  are  some  who  with  such 
pains  have  found  out  the  truth,  of  which  we,  being  unlearned, 
are  ignorant.  I  am  often  astonished  in  considering  with  what 
trouble  learned  men,  especially  those  in  a  Religious  Order, 
have  acquired  that  which  is  so  advantageous  to  me,  and 
which  I  learn  without  any  trouble,  except  that  of  asking 
them;  and  can  any  one  be  unwilling  to  benefit  himself  by  it? 
God  forbid !  I  see  these  persons  subject  themselves  to  the 
mortifications  of  the  religious  life,  which  are  great ;  to 
penances,  to  poor  diet,  to  obedience,  to  want  of  sleep  :  I  see 
that  every  thing  is  a  mortification,  every  thing  a  cross,  and 
sometimes  the  thought  thereof  throws  me  into  some  confusion  ; 
and  I  think  what  a  great  evil  it  would  be  for  any  one  to  lose 
such  a  benefit  by  his  own  fault.  And  there  may  be  some 
amongst  ourselves  who  are  free  from  these  austerities  (or  at 
least,  if  we  feed  upon  them,  we  have  them  well  dressed,  as 
the  expression  is),  and  we  live  at  our  ease ;  but  because  we 
give  a  little  more  time  to  prayer,  we  may  fancy  that  we  excel 
those  who  are  accustomed  to  such  great  austerities.  Blessed 
be  Thou,  0  Lord  !  who  hast  made  me  so  useless  and  incapable 
of  good !  yet  I  praise  Thee  most  sincerely,  because  thou  hast 
raised  up  so  many  to  excite  us  to  virtue.  We  should,  there¬ 
fore,  continually  offer  up  our  prayers  for  those  who  give  us 
light ;  for  what  should  we  do  without  them,  amidst  such 
terrible  tempests  as  the  Church  is  now  in  ?  If  some  men 
have  been  wicked,  the  good  will  shine  the  brighter  :  may  our 
Lord  hold  them  by  His  hand  and  help  them,  that  so  they 
may  help  us.  Amen. 

I  have  digressed  from  what  I  first  intended  to  say,  but  all 
is  useful  for  beginners  who  commence  this  sublime  way  of 
prayer  in  such  manner,  that  they  may  see  themselves  placed 
in  the  true  road  of  salvation.  To  return  then  to  what  I  was 
saying,  about  thinking  of  Christ  bound  to  the  pillar :  it  is 
good  to  discourse  a  while,  and  meditate  on  the  pains  He 
endured  there,  and  why  He  endured  them,  and  who  it  is  that 


134 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


0 


endured  them,  and  also  to  consider  the  love  wherewith  He 
bore  them.  But  we  should  not  weary  ourselves  with  seeking 
out  these  reasons,  but  only  dwell  upon  them  with  a  calm 
understanding.  If  possible,  we  should  employ  ourselves  in 
considering  who  looks  upon  us ;  and  we  should  accompany 
Him,  and  pray  to  Him,  and  humble  ourselves  before  Him, 
and  regale  ourselves  with  Him,  remembering  that  our  Lord 
deserved  not  to  be  there.  Whenever  we  are  able  to  do  this, 
though  it  should  be  at  the  very  commencement  of  our  prayer, 
we  shall  find  great  benefit  from  it ;  indeed,  many  benefits  are 
gained  by  this  kind  of  prayer,— at  least  my  soul  found  it  so. 
1  know  not  if  what  I  have  said  be  correct:  your  Reverence 
will  consider  this  :  but  may  our  Lord  be  pleased,  that  I  may 
not  fail  in  always  pleasing  Him.  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

THE  SAINT  BEGINS  TO  EXPLAIN  THE  SECOND  DEGREE  OP  PRAYER. 

Having  already  mentioned  with  what  labor  this  garden 
rs  to  be  watered,  and  what  strength  is  required  to  draw  the 
water  from  the  well,  I  will  now  explain  the  second  way  of 
drawing  up  the  water  ;  for  the  Master  of  the  garden  wishes 
that  by  means  of  the  wheel  and  buckets  the  gardener  may 
be  able  to  draw  more  water  with  less  trouble,  and  may  also 
be  enabled  to  take  a  little  rest,  without  being  continually 
obliged  to  be  at  work.  ow  this  method,  when  applied  to 
prayer,  which  is  called  the  “  Prayer  of  Quiet,”  is  what  I 
wish  to  speak  upon. 

Here  the  soul  begins  to  be  recollected  and  to  touch  upon 
the  supernatural,  for  it  is  impossible  she  can  acquire  this 
gift  by  her  own  power.  It  is  true,  that  sometimes  she  may 
grow  weary  in  turning  round  the  wheel,  working  with  the 
understanding,  and  filling  the  buckets ;  but  as  the  water  is 
higher  in  this  second  way,  she  has  less  labor  than  she  had 
in  drawing  the  water  out  of  the  well ;  I  say  the  water  is 
nearer  to  her,  because  grace  is  given  to  her,  to  know  herself 
more  clearly.  This  is  done  by  collecting  within  herself  all 


LIFE  01*  ST.  TERESA. 


135 


her  faculties,*  that  so  she  may  enjoy  the  divine  sweetness 
with  more  pleasure.  These,  however,  do  not  remain  dor¬ 
mant,  nor  are  they  lost ;  the  will  alone  is  occupied  in  such  a 
way  that  she  is  taken  captive  without  knowing  how,  and  only 
gives  her  consent  that  God  may  hold  her  in  captivity,  as  one 
who  knows  well  what  it  is  to  be  a  captive  of  Him  whom  she 
loves.  0  Jesus,  my  Lord  !  how  powerful  is  your  love,  since 
it  holds  our  love  so  fast  bound  as  not  to  give  us,  for  an  in¬ 
stant,  the  liberty  of  loving  any  person  or  thing  but  You ! 

The  other  two  faculties  assist  the  will,  that  so  she  may 
be  made  capable  of  enjoying  so  great  a  good,  although  some¬ 
times  it  happens  that  even  when  united  with  the  will  they 
are  a  great  hinderance  to  it ;  but,  in  this  case,  the  will  must 
not  disturb  herself,  but  remain  in  her  quiet  and  pleasure ; 
for  if  the  soul  be  anxious  to  re-collect  all  her  faculties,  both 
she  and  they  will  lose  the  good  they  might  otherwise  gain. 
They  are  like  pigeons,  which,  not  being  content  with  the 
food  the  owner  gives  them  from  the  pigeon-house,  without 
their  laboring  for  it,  go  and  seek  some  elsewhere,  but  finding 
it  not  good,  they  soon  return  ;  and  thus  they  come  and  go 
to  see  if  the  will  might  give  them  any  part  of  that  which 
it  enjoys  :  and  if  our  Lord  should  be  pleased  to  cast  them 
some  food,  they  stay ;  if  not,  they  go  away  again  to  seek 
for  it.  It  is  thus  that  these  faculties  act  with  regard  to  the 
will,  thinking  they  are  of  some  use  to  it ;  but  sometimes  the 
memory  and  imagination  injure  it,  by  wishing  to  represent 
to  it  the  happiness  it  enjoys  :  let  the  will  then  act  towards 
them  in  the  way  I  shall  mention  afterwards. 

Whatever  happens  in  the  Prayer  of  Quiet  is  accompanied 
with  very  great  consolations,  and  gives  so  little  trouble,  that 
however  long  it  may  last  it  never  tires  the  soul,  because  the 
understanding  only  acts  at  intervals,  though  it  draws  much 
more  water  than  it  drew  from  the  well.  The  tears  which 
God  gives  it  then  are  tears  of  joy,  which,  though  we  feel,  we 
procure  not.  This  water,  the  source  of  great  blessings  and 
favors  which  our  Lord  gives  us  therein,  makes  our  virtues 
increase  incomparably  more  than  in  the  first  degree  of  prayer, 
because  the  soul  now  begins  to  rise  out  of  her  misery,  and 


*  The  will,  memory,  and  understanding. 


136 


LITE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


to  have  some  small  glimpse  of  the  joys  of  eternal  glory  ;  and 
this,  I  think,  makes  her  increase  the  more  in  virtue,  because 
she  approaches  nearer  to  that  true  power  whence  all  virtues 
come,  that  is,  God.  Then  His  Majesty  begins  to  communi¬ 
cate  Himself  to  this  soul,  and  He  wishes  her  to  feel  how  he 
communicates  Himself.  When  she  has  arrived  at  this  point, 
she  immediately  begins  to  lose  all  appetite  for  the  things  of 
this  world,  and  to  despise  them,  because  she  sees  clearly 
that  even  one  moment  of  these  pleasures  cannot  be  purchased 
here  below ;  and  that  no  riches,  nor  dominions,  nor  honors, 
nor  delights  are  capable  of  giving  such  pleasures,  even  for 
one  instant,  because  the  pleasures  are  true ,  and  we  feel  that 
they  satisfy  us.  With  regard  to  the  pleasures  of  the  world, 
it  seems-  even  a  wonder  to  me  that  we  can  tell  in  what  their 
enjoyment  consists,  because  “  Yes  and  No”  are  never  want¬ 
ing:  but  in  the  other  pleasures,  everything  is  “Yes”  all 
the  time :  “  No”  comes  in  afterwards :  for  then  she  sees  that 
the  matter  has  come  to  an  end,  and  that  she  cannot  recover 
it  again,  nor  does  she  know  how.  And  though  she  should 
almost  kill  herself  with  doing  penance  and  praying,  and  using 
all  other  means,  yet  all  would  be  of  little  use  unless  our 
Lord  was  pleased  to  grant  the  favor.  But  God,  for  the  sake 
of  Jlis  greatness,  is  pleased  this  soul  should  now  understand, 
that  His  Majesty  being  so  very  near  her,  there  is  no  need  of 
sending  any  messengers  to  her,  but  only  for  she  herself  to 
speak  with  Him,  though  not  by  word  of  mouth,  because  be¬ 
ing  so  near  her,  He  understands  her  even  by  the  very  move¬ 
ment  of  her  lips. 

.  11  lnay  appear  unnecessary  for  me  to  speak  in  this  manner, 
since  we  know  well  that  our  Lord  always  hears  us,  and  is 
always  with  us  :  there  can  be  no  doubt  of  this  truth.  But 
our  Lord  and  Emperor  wishes  we  should  here  understand 
that  He  knows  us,  and  that  we  should  feel  the  effects  of  His 
presence ;  that  He  particularly  wishes  to  begin  to  work  in 
our  soul  by  giving  her  a  great  interior  and  exterior  satis¬ 
faction,  and  by  showing  her  the  difference  there  is  (as  I  have 
declared)  between  those  heavenly  delights  and  the  pleasures 
of  the  world ;  for  the  former  seem  to  fill  up  the  void  which 
our  sms  have  made  in  the  soul.  And  this  satisfaction  re¬ 
sides  in  the  most  intimate  part  of  the  soul,  and  she  knows 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


137 

not  whence  nor  how  it  has  come ;  and  often  she  knows  not 
what  to  do,  nor  what  to  desire,  nor  what  to  ask  for.  Therein 
she  seems  to  find  all  good  things  united  together,  though  she 
knows  not  what  she  has  found,  nor  do  I  know  how  to  make 
her  state  understood;  for  many  things  learning  would  be 
necessary,  in  order  to  make  those  who  are  ignorant  under- 
stand,  that  there  are  general  helps  and  particular  helps  :  and 
that  by  the  latter  our  Lord  wishes  the  soul  to  see  Him 
almost  as  it  were  with  her ‘own  eyes,  and  to  see  many  other 
hmgs  also,  which  cannot  be  properly  expressed  by  me.  But 
as  proper  persons  are  to  see  what  I  write,  and  to  examine  if 
there  be  any  errors  in  it,  I  do  not  feel  so  uneasy  because  it 
will  go  into  the  hands  of  those  who  will  understand  the  mat¬ 
ter,  and  who  will  blot  out  whatever  has  been  incorrectly  ex¬ 
pressed  ;  and  I  know  that  through  want  of  learning  and  piety 
I  may  easily  be  found  fault  with. 

I  wish,  however,  to  explain  myself,  because  a  soul  to  whom 
Hod  begms  to  show  these  favors,  as  soon  as  she  applies  her- 
selt  to  prayer,  does  not  understand  them,  nor  does  she  know 
what  to  do  with  herself.  If  God  should  conduct  her  along 
the  path  of  fear,  as  He  has  conducted  me,  she  will  experience 
great  affliction,  unless  she  meet  with  some  one  who  can  un¬ 
derstand  her ;  then  her  joy  will  be  abundant  to  see  herself 
well  described,  and  she  will  know  clearly  that  she  is  walk¬ 
ing  along  the  right  road.  It  is  also  a  great  blessing  to 
now  what  one  ought  to  do  in  each  of  these  degrees,  that  so 
we  may  go  on  with  profit ;  for  I  myself  suffered  much,  and 
lost  a  great  deal  of  time,  because  I  knew  not  what  to  do.  I 
have,  therefore,  great  compassion  for  those  souls  who  find 
themselves  alone  when  they  have  arrived  at  this  point  •  for 
though  I  have  read  many  spiritual  books  which  treat  on  this 
subject,  yet  it  is  explained  in  a  very  obscure  manner ;  and 

•lffi’  S°ul  be  ProPerly  exercised  in  prayer,  she 

will  find  it  difficult  to  understand  them,  though  they  mav 
explain  the  point  at  some  length. 

I  am  very  desirous  our  Lord  would  grant  me  the  favor  to 
relate  the  effects  which  are  produced  in  the  soul  by  these 
hings,  when  they  begin  to  be  supernatural,  that  so  she  may 
know  when  these  effects  come  from  the  Spirit  of  God.  When 

I  say,  “  that  she  may  know,”  I  mean  as  far  as  we  can  under- 
12* 


138 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


stand  in  this  world,  though  we  shall  always  do  well  to  walk 
on  with  fear  and  circumspection  ;  for  though  these  effects 
come  from  God,  yet  sometimes  the  devil  can  transform  him¬ 
self  into  an  angel  of  light ;  and  if  a  soul  be  not  well  ac¬ 
quainted  with  prayer,  she  will  not  understand  this  stratagem ; 
indeed,  to  understand  it  properly,  she  must  have  arrived  at 
the  highest  degree  of  prayer. 

The  little  time  I  have  to  spare  gives  me  but  little  help, 
and  therefore  it  is  necessary  for  His  Majesty  Himself  to 
assist  me ;  for  I  must  be  engaged  with  the  community,  be¬ 
sides  being  occupied  with  many  other  things.  I  am  also  at 
present  living  in  a  house  which  has  only  just  commenced,  as 
I  shall  afterwards  mention.  I  am  writing,  therefore,  with¬ 
out  having  any  repose,  and  only  by  little  and  little  ;  but  I 
wish  I  had  more  leisure ;  for  when  our  Lord  helps  us  by  His 
grace  to  do  a  thing,  it  is  always  done  better,  and  with  more 
facility  ;  for  then  it  seems  as  if  we  had  a  pattern  before  our 
eyes,  which  we  have  only  to  follow.  But  when  the  Divine 
Spirit  is  not  with  us,  then  we  no  more  understand  this 
language  than  if  it  were  gibberish  (as  the  expression  is), 
although  we  have  spent  many  years  in  prayer.  Hence  it 
seems  a  very  great  advantage  for  me  to  be  in  prayer  when 
I  write ;  for  then  I  see  clearly  it  is  not  I  who  speak,  nor 
does  my  understanding  direct  me,  so  that  after  I  have 
written  I  could  not  tell  how  I  wrote  :  this  has  happened 
several  times. 

Let  us  now  return  to  our  garden,  and  consider  how  these 
trees  begin  to  bud  and  to  flower,  that  afterwards  they  may 
give  fruit;  and  how  the  pinks  and  other  flowers  bloom  and 
diffuse  a  sweet  smell.  This  comparison  pleases  me  much ; 
for  often  in  my  beginnings — I  mean  at  the  commencement 
of  my  life,  as  I  shall  mention  afterwards  (and  may  our  Lord 
grant  that  now  I  may  have  begun  to  serve  His  Majesty), — 
it  was  a  great  delight  for  me  to  consider  my  soul  as  a  gar¬ 
den,  in  which  our  Lord  walked  up  and  down.  I  besought 
Him  to  increase  the  odor  of  those  little  flowers  of  virtue, 
which  seemed  wishful  to  bud,  that  so  they  might  contribute 
to  His  honor  and  glory ;  and  that  He  would  support  them, 
since  I  desired  nothing  for  myself,  and  would  prune  them 
as  He  pleased,  for  I  already  knew  they  would  grow  the  bet- 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  139 

ter  afterwards.  I  said,  I  besought  Him  to  <c  prune”  them, 
because  at  certain  periods  the  soul  has  no  remembrance  of 
this  garden,  but  everything  se^ms  to  be  so  withered,  as  if  no 
Water  would  come  any  more  to  refresh  it,  and  as  if  there 
never  had  been  any  virtue  at  all  in  the  soul.  Thus  she  suf¬ 
fers  much  affliction,  because  our  Lord  wishes  the  poor  gar¬ 
dener  to  think,  that  all  the  care  is  lost  which  he  had  em¬ 
ployed  in  watering  and  taking  care  of  his  garden.  Then, 
however,  is  the  time  truly  to  cut  up  by  the  root  those  small 
weeds  which  had  hitherto  remained  in  the  soul,  by  making 
us  understand  that  no  diligence  of  ours  will  avail,  if  God 
take  away  from  us  the  water  of  His  grace,  that  so  we  may 
not  esteem  our  nothingness — or,  rather,  our  less  than  no¬ 
thingness.  Hereby  great  humility  is  gained,  and  the  flowers 
bloom  with  fresh  beauty.  0  Thou,  my  Lord  and  Sovereign 
Good !  (and  I  know  not  how  to  utter  these  words  without 
tears,  and  without  feeling  great  pleasure  in  my  soul) — how 
desirous  Thou  art  to  be  thus  amongst  us  !  And  Thou  art 
also  in  the  Blessed  Sacrament,  which  may  most  truly  be  be¬ 
lieved,  because  Thou  hast  said  so  :  and  with  great  truth  also 
we  can  make  this  comparison ;  for  if  no  fault  on  our  part 
prevent  us,  we  can  enjoy  ourselves  with  Thee  !  And  Thou 
art  likewise  pleased  to  be  with  us,  since  Thou  hast  said, 
“  My  delight  is  to  be  with  the  children  of  men.”  0  my 
Lord,  what  mean  these  words'?  Whenever  I  hear  them, 
they  always  give  me  great  consolation  ;  and  so  it  was  even 
when  I  was  very  wicked.  Is  it  possible,  0  Lord !  there 
should  be  any  soul  which,  after  having  received  such  favors 
and  blessings  from  Thee,  and  having  understood  it  was  Thy 
delight  to  be  with  her,  should  again  offend  Thee — after  all  these 
favors,  and  so  many  great  proofs  of  the  love  Thou  bearest 
her,  as  to  leave  no  doubt  it  is  so,  since  it  is  manifest  by  the 
effects  ?  Yes !  it  is  certain  there  is  such  a  soul  who  has 
offended  Thee,  not  once  but  often — and  this  is  myself.  I  be¬ 
seech  Thy  goodness,  0  Lord,  that  I  may  be  the  only  soul 
who  has  been  guilty  of  such  base  wickedness,  and  such  ex¬ 
cessive  ingratitude,  though  even  from  this  my  wickedness, 
Thy  infinite  goodness  has  been  able  to  draw  some  advantage  ; 
and  the  greater  my  misery  was,  the  more  has  the  greatness 
of  Thy  mercies  shone  forth.  What  strong  reasons,  then> 


140 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


have  I  not  to  celebrate  those  mercies  forever  ?  I  beseech 
Thee,  0  my  Lord,  that  it  may  be  so  :  and  that  I  may  sing 
Thy  praises  forever,  since  now  Thou  hast  been  pleased  to 
show  such  very  great  favors  to  me,  that  those  who  see  them 
are  amazed  ;  and  often  they  carry  me  quite  out  of  myself. 
Were  I  to  be  without  Thee,  0  my  Lord !  I  should  be  fit  for 
nothing  but  to  behold  the  flowers  of  this  garden  become 
withered  in  such  a  way,  that  this  miserable  body  of  mine 
would  be  again  turned  into  a  dunghill,  as  it  was  formerly. 
But  in  order  that  I  may  praise  Thee  the  better,  do  not  per¬ 
mit,  0  Lord,  this  soul  to  be  lost,  which  Thou  hast  purchased 
with  so  many  labors,  and  which  Thou  hast  so  often  re¬ 
purchased  again  and  again,  and  hast  saved  from  the  teeth  of 
the  terrible  dragon. 

I  trust  your  Reverence  will  pardon  me  for  thus  wandering 
from  the  subject ;  do  not  wonder  at  it,  for  it  happens  so 
according  to  the  nature  of  the  reflections  the  soul  makes 
when  I  write  :  hence  it  is  sometimes  very  difficult  to  forbear 
breaking  out  into  praises  of  God,  when,  as  I  am  writing,  all 
that  I  owe  Him  are  represented  to  me.  And  I  believe  this 
will  not  be  displeasing  to  your  Reverence  ;  for  it  seems  to  me, 
that  we  may  both  chant  one  song,  though  in  a  different 
manner  ;  for  I  owe  much  more  to  God  than  you  do,  because 
He  has  pardoned  me  more  sins,  as  your  Reverence  knows  well 


CHAPTER  XL 


SHE  CONTINUES  THE  SAME  SUBJECT,  AND  GIVES  SOME  ADVICE  HOW 
PERSONS  AHE  TO  ACT  JN  THE  PRAYER  OF  QU»ET,  ETC. 

Let  us  now  return  to  our  subject.  This  quiet  and  re¬ 
collection  of  the  soul  are  easily  perceived,  by  the  peace  and 
satisfaction  they  produce,  together  with  a  very  great  pleasure 
and  calm,  as  well  as  the  sweetest  delight  in  the  soul.  And 
now  it  seems  to  her,  as  she  has  not  arrived  any  farther, 
that  already  there  is  nothing  for  her  to  desire,  and  that  she 
may  willingly  exclaim  with  St.  Peter,  “  Lord,  it  is  good  for 
us  to  be  here.”  She  dare  not  stir,  nor  move,  lest  the  good 
should  depart  from  her  :  sometimes  she  would  even  desire  not 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


141 


to  draw  her  breath.  The  poor  soul  understands  not,  that  as 
by  herself  she  is  unable  to  do  anything  towards  bringing 
this  good  to  her  ;  so  she  has  less  power  to  keep  it  any  longer 
than  our  Lord  is  pleased.  I  have  already  mentioned  how  in 
this  quiet  and  recollection  the  powers  of  the  soul  are  not 
wanting ;  but  she  is  so  fully  satisfied  with  God,  that  though 
while  the  prayer  lar'ts  the  memory  and  the  understanding  are 
not  exempt  from  distractions ;  yet,  as  the  will  remains  united 
with  God,  the  soul  does  not  lose  her  quiet  and  calm ;  but 
rather,  by  little  and  little  she  recalls  the  other  two  powers, 
so  as  to  make  them  recollected.  And  though  the  will  be 
not  wholly  engulfed  in  God,  yet  she  is  so  occupied,  without 
knowing  how,  that,  however  diligent  these  two  may  be,  they 
cannot  deprive  her  of  her  contentment  and  joy  ;  but  rather, 
she  goes  on  helping  herself  without  any  trouble,  in  order 
that  this  little  spark  of  God’s  love  may  not  be  extinguished 
in  her. 

I  beseech  His  Majesty  to  grant  me  grace,  that  I  may  make 
this  point  well  understood ;  for  there  are  many  souls  who 
arrive  at  this  degree  of  prayer,  and  few  who  go  beyond  it, 
and  I  know  not  who  is  in  fault :  but  of  this  I  am  sure,  there 
is  none  on  the  part  of  God  ;  for  since  His  Majesty  does  a 
soul  the  favor  of  bringing  her  to  this  degree,  I  cannot  believe 
he  would  cease  to  bestow  many  more  favors  upon  her,  were 
it  not  through  some  fault  of  her  own.  It  is  very  necessary 
for  the  soul  who  has  arrived  so  far,  to  understand  the  great 
dignity  she  possesses,  and  the  great  favor  our  Lord  has 
bestowed  upon  her,  and  what  powerful  reasons  she  now  has 
no  longer  to  belong  to  the  earth ;  because  it  seems  that  His 
goodness  has  already  made  her  an  inhabitant  of  heaven,  if 
she  lose  it  not  through  her  own  fault.  Wretched  will  she  be 
if  she  turn  back  5  for  I  believe  she  would  descend  very  low, 
just  as  I  was  doing,  if  the  mercy  of  our  Lord  had  not  brought 
me  back  again  ;  because  for  the  most  part  such  a  misery  is, 
in  my  opinion,  to  be  attributed  to  grievous  faults  :  nor  is  it 
possible  to  fall  from  so  great  a  good,  without  great  blindness 
to  such  an  evil.  I  therefore  beseech  those  souls,  for  the  love 
of  our  Lord,  on  whom  His  Majesty  has  bestowed  such  favors 
as  to  enable  them  to  attain  this  state,  to  know  themselves  } 
to  estimate  *such  a  favor  as  it  deserves,  and  to  resolve,  with 


142 


life  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

Immihty  and  a  holy  presumption,  not  to  return  to  the  flesh- 

ne!s  B-Ut  lf>tbrou«h  their  weakness  and  wicked¬ 

ness,  and  their  miserable  and  corrupt  nature,  they  should 

a  again,  as  I  did,  let  them  always  be  representing  to  them- 

sclves  the  good  they  have  lost:  let  them  suspect  themselves, 

d  walk  with  fear, — for  they  have  reason  to  do  so.  If  thev 

return  not  to  prayer,  they  will  go  on  from  bad  to  worse  :  for 

by' which  *  real.fa11’”  when  a  soul  aW>ors  that  very  means 
by  which  she  purchased  so  great  a  good;  and  it  is  to  such 

W  1  J  V  sPeaklng  »ow  I  say  not  that  they  will  never 

those^  G<!  ’  T  f?U  ‘“t0  Sin’  tl,ouSh  h  is  but  reasonable  that 

l,°  rV°U  S  W  °fhaVe  begUn  t0  receive  tIles«  favors,  should 
guard  against  falling  as  much  as  possible.  But  we  are 

“b'C  creatu'’es  >  a,,d  "hat  I  earnestly  advise  is,  not  to 
om  t  prayer,  for  thereby  we  shall  know  what  we  are  doing, 
and  we  shall  obtain  true  sorrow  for  having  offended  our  Lord 
and  strength  to  rise  again  when  we  have  fallen.  Let  us  be 
convinced,  that  if  the  soul  neglect  prayer,  she  exposes  her¬ 
self,  in  my  opinion,  to  great  danger.  I  know  not  if  I 

myself tand  "  1  aU1  Saymg’  because  1  judge  of  others  by 

This  kind  of  prayer,  then,  is  a  spark  of  God’s  true  love, 
winch  our  Lord  begins  to  enkindle  in  the  soul;  and  His 
desire  is,  that  she  should  understand  what  is  the  nature  of 
this  love,  and  what  kind  of  delight  it  brings  with  it.  This 
qmet,  and  recollection,  and  little  spark,  if  it  come  from  the 
fepirit  of  God,  and  be  not  a  pleasure  either  given  by  the 
devil  or  procured  by  ourselves,  however  small  it  may  be 
makes  a  great  noise. .  And  if  the  soul  do  not  extinguish  it 
y  her  own  fault,  this  it  is  which  begins  to  enkindle  a  large  fire, 
w  mh  (as  I  shall  mentuin  in  the  proper  place)  sends  forth 
from  itself  flames  of  the  most  burning  love  of  God,  which 
His  Majesty  is  pleased  perfect  souls  should  'enjoy,  though  he 
who  has  experience  cannot  but  immediately  understand, 
that  it  is  a  thing  which  cannot  be  acquired  ;  but  that  as  our 
nature  is  so  desirous  of  pleasure,  we  wish  to  taste  of  every¬ 
thing.  If,  however,  this  quiet  and  recollection  come  from 
the  devil  we  soon  grow  very  cold  again ;  and  however  much 
we  may  desire  to  make  the  fire  burn,  in  order  to  obtain  this 
pleasure,  it  seems  that  we  need  only  cast  water  oq  it  to  quench 


143 


Life  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

f',  This  spark  is  a  sign  or  pledge  which  God  gives  to  that 
soul,  to  show  her  how  He  chooses  her  for  great  things,  if  she 
wi  1  only  make  herself  fit  to  receive  them  ;  this  is  J  invalu¬ 
able  gift,  much  greater  than  I  am  able  to  express.  Deeply 
am  I  grieved,  because  (as  I  was  saying)  I  know  many  souls 
who  have  arrived  so  far :  and  yet  so  very  few  have  passed 
further  on,  as  they  ought  to  do,  that  I  am  ashamed  to 
ac  nowledge  it.  There  may,  however,  be  many,  for  God 
supports  us  for  some  purpose:  but  I  only  speak' if  those  I 
haie  seen.  I  would  earnestly  advise  such  not  to  hide  their 
talent,  for  it  seems  God  chooses  them,  that  they  may  do  good 
to  many  other  souls -and  especially  in  these  times,  when  H 
/■  necessary  for  His  Majesty  to  have  stanch  and  resolute 

i!tndSi0*if-UPS0rt  tbe  weak-  And  let  a11  who  find  they  have 
eceived  this  favor  esteem  themselves  strong,  if  they  know 

how  to  correspond  with  the  Lord,  which  even  in  this  world  a 
incere  friendship  requires ;  and  if  not,  let  them  fear  lest 
they  do  themselves  some  harm  ;  and  God  grant  the  evil  may 
come  upon  no  one  but  themselves.  ^ 

In  this  Prayer  of  Quiet,  the  soul  has  nothing  more  to  de 
an  to  remain  enjoying  her  sweetness  without  making  any 
noise.  I  call  it  «  noise,”  if  the  understanding  go  H 
seeking  many  words  and  considerations,  to  give  thanks  for 

feetionZ*’  and  be  collecting  together  her  sins  and  imper- 
fections,  m  order  to  discover  she  does  not  deserve  this  favor. 

11  is  m  motion  now  :  the  understanding  represents  manv 
things  to  us,  and  the  memory  is  busy  :  and  truly  these  powers 
of  the  soul  give  me  at  times  some  trouble;  and  as  I  have  a 

rhe  wiM  should00’  Ca"n  •*  C°n,ro1  them-  At  this  «>«>. 

,  .  foocld  remain  m  repose,  and  wisely  acknowledge 

that  this  is  not  the  way  to  treat  with  God ;  and  that  it  is  like 

throwing  great  logs  of  wood,  without  discretion,  on  a  small 

eZ  ;hh°h  -r!  eXtlTish  !tA  Let  ber  therefore  acknowl- 
edge  with  humihty,  and  say,  “O  Lord !  what  can  I  do  here  1 

M  hat  has  this  slave  to  do  with  the  Lord  of  heaven  apd  earth  1” 

Or  she  may  use  some  other  loving  words,  such  as  present 

savslbe  the  trtoh  'a'7 COnTi“ced’  howeTCr,  that  what  she 
says  be  the  truth.  As  regards  the  understanding,  let  the 

<ral  comsider  ‘i  ln,no,otber  Ilgbt  than  that  of  a  miller,  as  it 

e ,  and  if  she  be  desirous  of  giving  it  a  part  of  what  she 


144 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


enjoys,  or  shall  labor  to  make  it  recollected,  she  will  not  gain 
her  object :  for  often  we  see  that  in  this  union  and  repose  of 
the  will,  the  understanding  is  still  much  out  of  order ;  and 
if  the  will  cannot  arrest  it,  is  is  much  better  to  let  it  alone, 
rather  than  go  after  it.  Let  it  remain  in  the  enjoyment  of 
this  favor,  shut  up  in  itself,  like  a  wise  bee ;  for  if  none  of 
the  bees  should  go  into  the  hive,  but  be  all  wandering  about, 
very  little  honey  would  be  made. 

A  soul  will  lose  much,  if  she  pay  not  attention  to  this 
point,  especially  if  the  understanding  be  subtle  ;  for  when 
once  she  begins  to  arrange  her  discourses,  and  to  seek  for 
reasons,  she  will  think  she  has  done  something  great,  par¬ 
ticularly  if  the  discourses  be  eloquent.  But  the  discourse 
which  should  be  used  in  this  prayer  must  be,  clearly  to  see 
and  acknowledge  that  there  is  no  other  reason  why  God 
should  confer  so  great  a  favor  on  us  than  His  own  goodness ; 
to  consider  that  we  are  very  near  Him ;  to  beg  favors  from 
His  Majesty  ;  to  pray  for  the  Church  ;  for  those  who  have 
recommended  themselves  to  our  prayers,  and  for  the  souls  in 
purgatory  :  and  this  should  be  done,  not  by  the  noise  of 
words,  but  by  a  feeling  desire  to  be  heard.  The  Prayer  of 
Quiet  comprehends  a  great  deal,  and  more  is  obtained  thereby 
than  by  many  discourses  of  the  understanding.  Let  the 
will,  then,  excite  within  herself  some  reasons  (which  will 
easily  present  themselves  to  her  when  she  finds  herself  so 
much  improved)  capable  of  inflaming  this  love  ;  and  let  her 
make  certain  acts  of  love  with  respect  to  what  she  would 
gladly  do  for  One  to  whom  she  owes  so  much,  without  allow¬ 
ing  (as  I  have  mentioned)  the  understanding  to  make  any 
noise,  under  the  pretext  of  seeking  for  high  and  lofty 
thoughts.  But  a  few  little  straws, — and  even  something  less 
than  straws,  if  it  be  possible, — presented  with  humility,  will 
be  much  more  to  the  purpose,  and  will  be  of  greater  help  in 
enkindling  the  fire  of  divine  love,  than  great  logs  of  wood, — 
I  mean,  than  learned  discourses, — which,  however  beautiful 
they  appear  to  us,  might  extinguish  the  fire  in  a  few  minutes. 
These  may  be  good  for  learned  men,  who  command  me  to 
write  this  book,  because,  by  the  mercy  of  God,  all  of  them 
may  attain  this  degree  of  prayer,  and  perhaps  they  might 
spend  the  time  in  considering  some  passages  from  Scripture. 


Life  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


145 


Sl  uhM  leT,n« oould  not  fail  of  beins  usef»i  to 

them,  both  before  and  after  prayer,  yet,  during  the  time  it 
continues,  there  is,  m  my  opinion,  little  necessity  for  their 
learning,  unless  they  wish  to  cool  the  fervor  of  the  will. 
Ihe  reason  is,  because  the  understanding,  then  seeing  itself 
so  near  to  Light  itself,  is  so  much  enlightened,  thatCen  I 

AnTlLh  .“herab,,le  a  creature)  seem  to  be  another  person. 
Oniet  ^  lA*®  hfPPene^  ,t0  “0.  when  in  the  Prayer  of 
Quiet  though  I  understand  hardly  anything  of  what  is  said 

Itand  ?e  d  “P6™1^.1?  tbe  I!salter>  Jet  I  not  only  under- 
s  and  the  verse  m  Spanish,  but  I  pass  further  on,  and  delight 

myself  in  considering  the  meaning  of  the  Spanish.  I  mike 

tenacb  °fP  tn  W1?  r-tff d  t0  thoSe  who  have  t0  Pfeach  or  to 
teach,  for  then  it  will  be  proper  to  make  use  of  their  learning 

m  assisting  poor  ignorant  persons  like  myself;  for  charity  is 

:"",1  S°  t0  helP  souls  forward,  provided 
that  it  be  always  done  for  God.  1 

.A 1  the  l*me  when  the  soul  is  in  possession  of  this  quiet, 
aside  /es*  Wlth  her  true  repose,  and  let  learning  be  put 

wid  n  f°r  vhe  tlme  wlU  eome  when  ^  will  be  of  service,  and 
ha  e  6  h  /  a'V  esteenied,  that  on  no  account  would  men 

it  mVe.'ri? eted  kno": Iedft>  were  it  only  for  the  opportunity 
t  gives  them  of  serving  His  Majesty,  since  for  this  object  it 

is  very  useful  But  believe  me,  that  a  little  attention  to 

E'irf1?  and  an  act  of  this  virtue,  are  worth  more 
before  His  infinite  wisdom  than  all  the  learning  in  the  world 
Here  we  have  no  need  of  reasoning,  but  only  to  know  with 
sincerity  what  we  are,  and  to  represent  ourselves  with 

Wself  7  bf  nS  G?d’  Wh°  desires  that  the  souI  should  make 
hei.elf  as  dull  and  ignorant  as  she  is  in  reality  in  His  sight, 

since  His  Majesty  humbles  Himself  so  far  as  to  allow  her  to 

be  near  His  own  person,  though  we  are  such  miserable 

creatures.  The  understanding  is  likewise  moved  to  return 

thanks  in  words  very  well  arranged ;  but  the  will,  in  the 

enjoyment  of  her  calm,  and  not  presuming,  like  the  publican, 

to  lift  up  her  eyes  to  heaven,  makes  a  better  thanksgiving 

than  perhaps  the  understanding  would  be  able  to  do,  by  using 

all  the  powers  of  rhetoric.  We  should  not,  however,  in  thii 

case  entirely  omit  the  use  of  mental  prayer,  nor  even  of 

vocal  prayer,  if  we  should  sometimes  wish  to  practice  it,  or 

Id 


146 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


should  find  ourselves  able  to  do  so ;  because  if  the  quiet  be 
great,  we  can  hardly  help  speaking  without  considerable  pain. 
In  my  opinion,  we  can  know  when  this  comes  from  the  Spirit 
of  God,  or  when  we  procure  it  ourselves  at  the  commence¬ 
ment  of  that  devotion  which  God  gives  us ;  but  when  we 
wish  (as  I  have  said)  to  procure  by  ourselves  this  quiet  of  the 
will,  no  good  effect  is  then  produced  ;  it  ends  quickly,  and 
leaves  nothing  but  dryness  behind.  If  it  should  come  from 
the  devil,  a  soul  exercised  in  prayer  will  I  think  soon  discover 
it ;  for  it  leaves  a  certain  restlessness  and  confers  little 
humility,  and  makes  us  but  ill  prepared  for  receiving  those 
effects  which  the  Spirit  of  God  produces  ;  it  leaves  no  light 
in  the  understanding,  nor  firmness  in  speaking  the  truth. 

But  this  will  do  little  or  no  hurt  to  the  soul,  if  she  direct 
to  God  the  sweetness  and  delight  she  then  feels and  if  she 
also  place  all  her  thoughts  and  desires  in  Him  (as  I  have 
already  advised),  the  devil  can  gain  nothing;  yea,  God  will 
so  dispose  matters,  that  he  will  lose  much  even  by  that  very 
delight  he  causes  in  the  soul ;  for  this  very  delight  will  help 
that  soul,  which  thinks  it  comes  from  God,  often  to  have 
recourse  to  prayer,  with  the  desire  of  receiving  more  and 
more  delight.  But  if  the  soul  be  humble  and  not  curious, 
nor  desirous  of  delights  (even  though  they  be  spiritual),  but 
be  a  lover  of  the  cross,  she  will  make  little  account  of  any 
pleasure  the  devil  may  cause  in  her ;  this,  however,  she  can¬ 
not  do  if  it  come  from  the  Spirit  of  God,  for  then  she  will 
esteem  it  very  highly.  When  the  devil — who  is  lying  and 
deceit  itself — attempts  such  a  thing,  if  he  see  a  soul  humble 
herself  by  means  of  this  delight  and  pleasure  which  she  re¬ 
ceives  (and  indeed  we  ought  to  take  great  care  to  humble 
ourselves  in  all  things  relating  to  prayer  and  having  delights), 
he  will  not  often  return  and  tempt  us,  when  he  perceives  he 
loses,  rather  than  gains  thereby.  For  this  and  many  other 
reasons  I  mentioned  in  the  first  degree  of  prayer  (which 
answers  to  the  first  method  of  drawing  water),  how  very  im¬ 
portant  it  is  when  the  soul  enters  first  upon  prayer,  to  begin 
to  disengage  herself  from  all  kind  of  pleasure,  and  to  be  de¬ 
termined  only  to  help  our  Lord  to  carry  His  cross,  like  brave 
knights  who  are  resolved  to  serve  their  king  gratis*  since 
they  are  already  sure  He  will  reward  them ;  and  so  we  must. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


147 

turn  our  eyes  to  that  true  and  everlasting  kingdom  which  we 
are  endeavoring  to  possess. 

It  is  very  necessary  to  have  these  considerations  always 
before  our  eyes,  especially  in  the  beginning,  for  afterwards 
we  become  quite  convinced,  that  instead  of  endeavoring  to 
remember  how  quickly  everything  ends,  that  all  pleasures 
are  nothing,  and  that  worldly  rest  is  not  to  be  esteemed  or 
desired,  we  rather  find  it  necessary  to  forget  such  thoughts 
in  order  to  live.  This  seems  a  very  unworthy  consideration, 
and  so  it  is  :  for  they  who  are  more  advanced  would  take  it 
tor  an  affront,  and  would  even  blush  at  themselves  if  they 
thought  they  had  forsaken  the  pleasures  of  this  life  because 
they  were  one  day  to  have  an  end ;  for  were  they  to  last 
lve?,  0,eyer>  3’et  these  souls  would  rejoice  to  leave  them  for 
(rods  sake;  the  more  perfect  they  were,  the  more  they 
would  rejoice:  yea,  the  longer  these  pleasures  lasted,  the 
more  would  they  rejoice  in  leaving  them.  The  love  of  God, 
which  is  great  in  these  souls,  operates  these  effects;  but  for 
those  who  are  commencing,  this  point  is  very  important  (and 
they- must  not  consider  of  little  value),  to  leave  all  pleasures 
tor  bod ;  for  the  benefits  which  are  gained  by  this  means  are 
very  great,  and  therefore  do  I  insist  upon  this  matter  so 
much ;  for  those  even  who  are  most  experienced  in  prayer  it 
is  necessary  to  attend  to  this  point,  for  there  are  times  in 
which  bod  wishes  to  try  them,  nay,  when  He  seems  even  to 
have  forsaken  them ;  for,  as  I  have  before  said,  and  I  do  not 
wish  to  have  my  words  forgotten,  in  the  life  that  we  live  the 
soul  does  not  increase  as  the  body  does,  though  we  say  she 
does  ;  and  this  is  true  to  a  certain  extent,  for  after  a  child 
las  giown  and  become  a  man,  he  does  not  again  grow  less 
nor  has  he  a  little  body:  but  with  regard  to  the  soul,  our 
Lord  wishes  it  to  be  otherwise,  according  to  what  I  have 
seen  m  myself,  though  I  know  nothing  with  regard  to  others 
lhis  ought  to  humble  us  for  our  greater  good,  and  in  order 
that  we  may  not  grow  negligent  while  we  live  in  this  exile 
for  he  who  stands  the  highest  ought  to  fear  the  most,  and 
trust  himself  the  least.  There  are  times,  when  even  those 
whose  will  is  so  united  with  the  Divine  will,  that  they  would 
rather  suffet  all  kinds  of  torments,  and  a  thousand  deaths, 
than  commit  the  least  imperfection,  are  so  violently  attacked 


148 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


by  temptations  and  persecutions,  that  in  order  to  avoid  com¬ 
mitting  sin,  and  to  keep  themselves  from  offending  God,  it  is 
necessary  for  them  to  make  use  of  the  first  arms  of  prayer, 
and  to  consider  again  and  again  how  all  things  come  to  an 
end,  that  there  is  a  heaven  and  a  hell,  and  soon  with  regard 
to  other  points  of  the  like  nature.  But  to  return  to  what  I 
was  saying:  in  order  to  free  one’s  self  from  the  deceits  of 
the  devil,  and  from  those  false  pleasures  he  makes  us  feel  in 
prayer,  it  is  very  necessary  to  commence  with  a  resolution 
not  to  desire  these  pleasures,  but  to  walk  in  the  way  of  the 
cross,  since  our  Saviour  himself  has  shown  us  the  road  which 
leads  to  perfection  in  these  words — u  Take  up  your  cross 
and  follow  me.”  He  is  our  pattern  ;  and  whoever  follows 
Ilis  advice,  merely  with  a  view  to  please  Him,  need  not  fear 
anything ;  and  by  the  profit  which  they  see  they  have  gained 
in  themselves,  they  will  easily  discover  the  devil  does  not 
delude  them  ;  and  though  they  should  relapse,  yet  one  proof 
will  remain,  that  our  Lord  has  been  there,  viz.,  that  they  will 
quickly  rise  again,  and  this  is  what  I  shall  now  declare. 

When  it  comes  from  the  Spirit  of  God,  there  will  be  no 
necessity  to  go  in  search  of  reasons  for  acquiring  humility 
and  confusion,  because  our  Lord  himself  gives  them  in  a 
manner  very  different  from  what  we  ourselves  can  procure 
by  our  mean  considerations,  all  of  which  are  nothing  in  com¬ 
parison  with  that  true  humility,  and  with  that  light  which 
our  Lord  here  gives  us  ;  and  these  produce  in  us  such  a  deep 
confusion  that  they  annihilate  us.  The  knowledge  which 
God  gives  us,  that  we  may  understand  we  have  no  good  of 
ourselves,  is  very  easily  perceived  ;  and  this  the  more,  the 
greater  the  favors  are.  It  also  excites  a  great  desire  of  ad¬ 
vancing  in  prayer,  and  of  not  omitting  this  duty  on  account 
of  any  trouble  which  may  happen  to  us.  It  produces  a  con¬ 
fidence  that  we  shall  be  saved,  united  however  with  fear  and 
humility.  It  immediately  drives  away  all  servile  fear  from 
the  soul,  and  puts  in  its  place  a  filial  fear,  which  is  much 
stronger.  She  now  sees  that  she  begins  to  have  a  love  for 
God,  which  is  far  from  being  interested,  and  she  desires  op¬ 
portunities  for  solitude,  that  so  she  may  the  better  enjoy  that 
good.  In  a  word  (not  to  weary  myself  too  much),  this  is 
the  beginning  of  all  good  things,  a  state  in  which  the  flowers 


Life  of  st.  teresa, 


149 


are  almost  on  the  point  of  blossoming ;  and  this  the  soul  sees 
very  clearly.  Then  she  cannot  but  believe  that  God  is  with 
her,  till  she  sees  herself  guilty  of  faults  and  imperfections* 
then  she  fears  everything,  and  it  is  proper  she  should,  though 
there  are  souls  to  whom  it  is  more  useful  to  believe  for  cer¬ 
tain  that  God  is  with  them,  than  to  have  all  the  fears  in  the 
world,  because  if  the  soul  of  herself  be  loving  and  grateful, 
the  remembrance  of  the  favor  which  God  conferred  upon  her 
is  more  efficacious  in  turning  her  to  God  than  the  representa¬ 
tions  of  all  the  torments  of  hell ;  at  least,  this  happened  to 
myself,  though  so  wicked. 

As  for  the  signs  of  a  good  spirit,  I  will  speak  of  them 
more  in  detail  hereafter ;  now  I  cannot  do  so,  for  it  costs 
me  a  great  deal  of  trouble  to  have  them  drawn  out  in  a 
clear,  legible  form ;  but  I  hope  that,  by  the  divine  grace,  I 
shall  be  able  to  say  something  to  the  purpose ;  for,  besides 
the  experience  whereby  I  have  come  to  understand  many 
things,  I  have  learned  something  from  some  very  learned 
men,  and  from  very  holy  persons,  to  whom  it  is  proper  to 
give  credit :  let  not  other  souls  then  be  so  afflicted  as  I  was, 
when  they  shall  have  arrived,  through  the  goodness  of  our 
Lord,  at  this  state. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 


THE  SAINT  SPEAKS  ON  THE  THIRD  DEGREE  OP  PRAYER. 


I  now  wish  to  speak  of  the  third  water  wherewith  this 
garden  is  watered,  for  this  is  a  running  water  of  a  river  or 
spring,  and  it  waters  with  much  less  labor  the  garden,  though 
the  distribution  thereof  causes  some  trouble.  Rut  our  Lord 
will  so  help  the  gardener,  that  in  some  degree  He  will  almost 
be  the  gardener  Himself,  and  will  do  everything.  It  is  a 
repose  of  all  the  powers,  which,  however,  are  not  entirely 
lost,  nor  yet  do  they  know  how  they  work.  The  pleasure, 
sweetness,  and  delight  are  greater  beyond  comparison  than 
in  the  former  state )  and  the  soul  is  so  engulfed  in  the  water 
of  grace,  that  she  cannot  go  forward,  nor  does  she  know 
13* 


150 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


how,  nor  is  she  willing  to  return  back,  because  of  the  ex¬ 
cessive  glory  she  enjoys.  It  is  as  if  a  person  were  cn 
the  point  of  dying  the  death  he  desires,  with  a  blest  candle 
in  his  hands,  for  in  this  agony  the  pleasure  he  enjoys  is  more 
than  can  be  expressed  •,  and  this  seems  to  me  to  be  nothing 
more  than  to  die  almost  entirely  to  everything  in  the  world, 
that  so  we  may  enjoy  God  alone.  I  know  of  no  other  words 
wherewith  to  express  this  delight,  or  to  declare  it :  nor  does 
the  soul  know  at  that  time  what  to  do,  whether  she  should 
speak  or  be  silent,  laugh  or  weep.  It  is  a  glorious  kind  of 
frenzy,  a  celestial  folly,  whereby  true  wisdom  is  learned  ; 
and. the  soul  cannot  have  a  more  delightful  means  of  regaling 
herself.  I  think  it  is  about  five  or  six  years  ago  since  our 
Lord  gave  me  this  kind  of  prayer  often  and  abundantly,  and 
then  I  neither  understood  it  nor  could  I  express  it ;  I  had 
therefore  resolved,  when  I  came  to  treat  on  this  degree,  to 
say  little  or  nothing.  I  saw  very  clearly  however,  that  it 
was  not  an  entire  union  of  all  the  powers  of  the  soul,  but 
still  that  it  was  more  than  could  be  found  in  the  former  de¬ 
grees  ;  yet  I  must  acknowledge,  I  could  not  determine,  nor. 
did  I  know  in  what  this  difference  consisted.  But  I  believe, 
that  on  account  of  the  humility  which  your  Reverence  hks 
shown,  in  wishing  to  be  assisted  by  such  great  simplicity  as 
mine,  our  Lord  gave  me  to-day  after  communicating  this 
prayer,  yet  without  my  being  able  to  go  forward ;  and  He 
put  these  comparisons  into  my  head,  and  taught  me  how  to 
express  them,  and  what  the  soul  is  to  do  in  this  case ;  and 
truly  I  was  amazed  thereat,  for  I  understood  the  whole  sub¬ 
ject  in  a  moment.  Many  times  I  was  as  it  were  out  of  my¬ 
self,  being  inebriated  with  this  love,  and  yet  I  could  never 
understand  how  it  was  :  I  knew  well,  however,  it  was  from 
God,  but  I  could  not  comprehend  how  He  worked  therein  ; 
for  in  reality  the  powers  of  the  mind  are  almost  entirely 
united,  but  not  so  engulfed  but  that  they  still  work  :  I  have 
been  extremely  pleased  at  having  now  understood  this  prayer. 
May  our  Lord  be  blessed  for  having  thus  favored  me. 

These  powers  are  then  only  capable  of  occupying  them¬ 
selves  entirely  on  God  ;  and  it  appears  that  none  of  them 
daring  to  move,  we  could  not  turn  away  from  this  object 
without  using  great  violence  to  them  ;  and  I  know  not 


•  ft-.  <w  !  • 


151 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

whether  with  all  our  efforts  we  could  even  then  do  so.  Many 
words  are  then  spoken  in  praise  of  God,  without  any  order, 
unless  our  Lord  himself  should  arrange  them,  for  here  the 
understanding  is  of  no  use  whatever.  The  soul  would  fain 
break  forth  into  praises,  but  she  cannot  contain  herself,  and 
her  condition  is  a  pleasing  kind  of  restlessness.  Then  the 
flowers  begin  to  open  and  to  scent  the  air ;  then  the  soul 
would  be  glad  if  all  the  world  could  see  and  understand  her 
glory,  so  as  to  praise  God  ;  and  if  every  one  could  assist  her 
therein,  that  so  she  might  give  them  part  of  her  joy,  not  be¬ 
ing  able  to  enjoy  so  much  herself.  She  seems  to  me  to  be 
like  the  person  mentioned  in  the  Gospel,  who  called  her 
neighbors  5  or  as  if  she  felt  the  admirable  spirit  of  the  royal 
prophet  David,  when  he  played  on  his  harp  and  sung  the 
praises  of  God.  I  am  very  much  devoted  to  this  glorious 
King,  and  I  wish  that  all  men  were  so,  especially  we  who 
are  sinners. 

0  my  God  !  in  what  state  is  a  soul  when  she  finds  her¬ 
self  raised  to  this  degree  of  prayer  !  She  would  wish  to  be 
changed  into  so  many  tongues,  in  order  to  praise  Thee,  0 
Lord  !  She  utters  a  thousand  holy  extravagances,  always 
endeavoring  to  please  Thee,  who  holdest  her  in  this  state. 
I  know  a  certain  person,*  who,  though  she  was  no  poetess, 
made  very  feeling  verses  “  extempore,”  declaring  the  sweet 
pain  she  suffered,  and  these  were  not  composed  by  her  under¬ 
standing  ;  but  the  better  to  enjoy  that  glory  which  gave  her 
so  delightful  a  pain,  she  complained  thereof  to  her  God,  and 
she  wished  both  her  whole  body  and  soul  could  be  torn  in 
pieces,  to  show  the  joy  she  feels  in  this  pain.  What  torments 
could  then  be  placed  before  her  which  she  would  not  gladly 
endure  for  the  love  of  her  Lord  ?  She  sees  clearly  that  the 
martyrs  did  almost  nothing  in  suffering  torments,  for  the  soul 
knows  then  that  her  strength  comes  from  some  other  source 
than  from  herself.  But  what  will  she  feel  when  she  comes 
to  herself  again,  and  is  obliged  to  devise  the  means  of  living 
in  the  world,  and  is  mixed  up  again  with  its  cares  and  occu¬ 
pations?  I  think  I  have  not  at  all  exaggerated  anything 

*  The  Saint,  no  doubt,  alludes  to  herself;  for  being  once  in  a  rapture, 
she  composed  some  sublime  verses,  still  extant. 


152 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


respecting  the  joy  which  our  Lord  is  pleased  a  soul  should 
experience  in  this  place  of  banishment,  for  all  that  I  have 
said  is  very  mean  in  comparison  with  the  Reality.  Blessed 
be  Thou,  0  Lord,  forever  !  may  all  creatures  praise  Thee 
forever  Be  now  pleased,  0  my  King !  and  I  humbly 
beseech  Thee,  that  since  even  now,  while  I  am  writing,  I  am 
not  out  of  this  holy  and  celestial  frenzy  (which  through  Thy 
goodness  and  mercy  1  hou  grantest  to  me  as  a  favor,  without 
any  merit  of  mine),  either  all  those  with  whom  I  converse 
may  become  fools  for  your  love,  or  permit  me  no  more  to 
converse  with  any  person,  or  so  order,  0  Lord,  that  I  may 
have  nothing  more  to  do  with  the  things  of  this  world,  or 
take  me  quite  away  from  it.  0  my  God  !  this  Thy  servant 
can  no  longer  endure  so  many  afflictions,  which  she  sees 
come  upon  her  when  she  has  Thee  not ;  if  she  must  live,  she 
desires  to  have  no  ease  in  this  life,  and  indeed  Thou  dost 
not  give  her  any.  She  desires  to  be  free  from  the  body  • 
eating  is  insupportable  to  her,  and  sleep  afflicts  her;  she 
sees  that  her  whole  life  is  passed  in  satisfying  the  body,  and 
that  now  no  one  but  Thee  can  truly  delight  her  ;  she  seems 
to  live  against  nature  itself,  since  she  desires  no  longer  to 
live  in  herself,  but  in  Thee.  0  my  true  Lord  and  my  glory! 
how  light  and  yet  how  very  heavy  is  the  cross  which  Thou 
hast  prepared  for  those  who  have  arrived  at  this  degree  !  It 
is  light,  because  it  is  sweet ;  and  it  is  heavy,  because  at 
certain  times,  no  patience  in  the  world  can  endure  it,  and  yet 
the  soul  would  never  desire  to  be  free  from  it,  unless  it  were 
that  she  might  find  herself  with  Thee.  And  when  she 
remembers  that  she  has  not  served  Thee  in  anything,  but 
that  by  living  she  may  then  be  able  to  serve  Thee,  she  would 
gladly  endure  a  burden  much  more  heavy,  and  would  be 
content  not  to  die  until  the  end  of  the  world.  She  cares  not 
for  any  rest  or  repose,  provided  she  can  do  Thee  any  little 
service.  She  knows  not  what  to  desire,  though  she  knows 
well  that  she  desires  nothing  but  Thee. 

0  my  son!  (for  you,  to  whom  this  life  is  directed,  and 
who  have  commanded  me  to  write  it,  are  so  humble  that  you 
wish  to  be  called  by  this  name),  let  these  things  be  known 
only  to  yourself,  when  you  see  that  I  do  not  keep  within 
bounds  ;  for  no  reason  is  able  to  restrain  me  when  our  Lord 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TEBtESA. 


153 


takes  me  out  of  myself.  I  do  not  believe  it  is  I  who  am 
thus  speaking,  ever  since  I  communicated  this  morning.  It 
seems  that  I  dream  of  what  I  see,  and  that  I  would  be  glad 
to  see  only  those  who  are  sick  of  this  same  malady  which  I 
now  have  myself.  I  beseech  your  Reverence  to  pray  that 
we  may  all  become  fools  for  the  love  of  Him,  who  was 
pleased  to  be  called  a  <c  fool  ”  for  us.  And  since  your 
Reverence  tells  me  that  you  have  a  regard  for  me,  I  wish 
you  may  show  it  by  disposing  yourself  for  receiving  this 
favor  from  our  Lord  ;  for  I  see  very  few  persons  who  do  not 
take  excessive  pains  for  the  accomplishment  of  their  desires. 
But,  perhaps,  I  may  be  in  greater  error  than  every  one  else. 
Do  not,  however,  allow  this,  my  father  (for  you  are  both  a 
father  and  a  son,  because  you  are  my  confessor,  to  whom  I 
have  entrusted  my  soul) ;  undeceive  me  by  telling  me  the 
truth,  though  these  truths  are  but  seldom  told. 

I  should  be  very  glad,  that  as  in  these  days  men  meet 
together  in  secret  to  conspire  against  the  Divine  Majesty, 
and  to  propagate  their  wickedness  and  heresies  ;  so  we  five,* 
who  at  present  love  each  other  in  Christ,  should  also  endeavor 
sometimes  to  meet  together,  for  the  purpose  of  undeceiving 
each  other,  for  conferring  on  the  means  of  reforming  our¬ 
selves,  and  of  giving  God  the  greatest  pleasure  .  for  no  one 
knows  himself  so  well  as  they  know  who  see  us,  provided 
they  truly  love  us,  and  are  anxious  for  our  advancement. 
I  mention  this  in  secret,  because  no  such  language  is  used 
in  the  world;  even  preachers  so  arrange  their  sermous  as  not 
to  give  any  offence  ;  their  intention  is  good,  but  we  see  what 
the  effects  are,  for  few  amend  their  lives.  How  is  it  that 
many  still  give  scandal  by  their  public  vices,  in  spite  of  these 
sermons  ?  The  reason  is,  I  think,  because  preachers  have 
too  much  prudence,  and  too  little  of  that  fire  of  Divine  love 
which  the  apostles  had,  and  so  it  sends  out  but  little  heat, 
I  do  not  say  it  should  be  so  great  as  theirs  was ;  but  I  wish 
it  were  greater  than  what  I  see  now.  Does  your  Reverence 
know  in  what  it  ought  principally  to  consist  1  In  abhorring 
this  life  and  despising  honors  ;  and  that,  rather  than  fail  in 
speaking  the  truth,  and  maintaining  it  for  the  glory  of  Gcd, 


*  I  do  not  know  the  five  to  whom  the  Saint  alludes. 


154 


LIFE  OF  ST,  TERESA. 


we  should  be  more  ready  to  lose  all  than  to  gain  all ;  and  he 
who  is  willing  to  hazard  all  things  for  God,  will  be  as  content 
With  the  one  as  with  the  other.  I  say  not  that  I  am  such  a 
person,  but  I  earnestly  wish  I  were.  Oh  !  glorious  liberty, 
to  esteem  as  a  captivity  the  being  obliged  to  live  and  converse 
.  according  to  the  laws  of  this  world  !  And  when  this  favor 
is  obtained  from  our  Lord,  there  is  no  slave  who  would  not 
venture  everything,  that  so  he  might  redeem  himself  and 
return  to  his  own  country.  And  since  this  is  the  true  way, 
we  should  not  loiter  on  the  road,  for  we  shall  never  be  able 
to  obtain  so  great  a  treasure  until  we  die ;  and  may  our  Lord 
grant  us  His  grace  for  this  purpose.  Your  Reverence  may 
tear  in  pieces  what  I  have  written  if  you  think  proper,  and 
pardon  me,  for  I  have  been  too  bold. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

SHE  CONTINUES  THE  SAME  SUBJECT,  ON  THE  THIRD  DEGREE  OF 

PRAYER,  ETC. 

I  have  already  spoken,  at  considerable  length,  of  this 
third  degree  of  prayer,  and  of  what  the  soul  should  do 
therein, — or  rather  what  God  operates  in  her;  for  now  He 
Himself  takes  the  office  of  gardener,  and  wishes  the  soul  to 
take  her  rest,  provided  only  that  the  “  will  ”  accept  of  these 
favors  which  she  enjoys,  and  offers  to  submit  herself  to  all 
that  this  true  Wisdom  may  be  pleased  to  effect  in  her :  for 
this  purpose  courage  is  certainly  necessary.  And  so  great 
is  this  joy,  that  sometimes  it  seems  the  soul  is  just  on  the 
point  of  leaving  the  body  j  and  what  a  happy  death  that 
would  be! 

It  appears  to  me,  as  I  have  before  mentioned  to  your 
Reverence,  that  it  would  be  well  for  the  soul  to  abandon 
herself  entirely  into  the  hands  of  God :  if  He  should  wish 
to  take  her  to  heaven,  let  her  go ;  if  to  hell,  let  her  not  be 
troubled,  for  she  will  accompany  Him  who  is  all  her  hap¬ 
piness  ;  if  He  wish  her  to  leave  this  life  immediately,  let 
ner  consent  thereto  ;  if  to  live  a  thousand  years,  let  her  be 
willing  j  let  His  Majesty  dispose  of  her  as  of  something 


Life  of  st.  thresa.  155 

which  belongs  to  Him ;  for  the  soul  is  no  longer  her  own, 
but  she  belongs  wholly  to  our  Lord,  and  therefore  she  must 
be  entirely  free  from  care.  I  say,  then,  that  in  so  high  a 
degree  of  prayer  as  this  is,  she  understands  that  she  performs 
it  without  any  weariness  to  the  understanding  (for  when  God 
gives  this  prayer  to  a  soul,  she  is  able  to  do  all  this,  and 
much  more,  for  such  are  its  effects);  she  is,  it  seems,  as  it 
were  amazed  at  seeing  how  our  Lord  performs  the  office  of 
so  good  a  gardener,  and  how  He  wishes  her  to  take  no  pains 
or  trouble,  but  only  that  she  would  delight  herself  by  begin¬ 
ning  to  smell  the  flowers.  When  the  Gardener  waters  the 
soul  with  this  water,  of  which  He  is  the  Creator,  though  it 
may  last  only  for  a  short  time,  yet  He  gives  it  in  such  abund¬ 
ance,  that  what  the  poor  soul  could  not  obtain  by  all  her 
efforts  in  tiring  the  understanding  for  twenty  years,  this 
heavenly  Gardener  now  does  all  in  a  moment ;  and  the  fruit 
grows  and  ripens  so  well,  that  she  is  able  through  the  good 
pleasure  of  our  Lord,  to  support  herself  by  the  garden.  But 
He  does  not  give  the  soul  leave  to  distribute  the  fruit  till 
she  has  grown  so  strong,  by  having  eaten  of  it,  as  not  to 
squander  it  away  in  tasting  it.  Thus  by  not  valuing  the 
profit  she  might  make  by  it,  nor  receiving  anything  from 
those  to  whom  she  gave  it,  she  might  maintain  and  feed 
people  at  her  own  cost,  while  she  herself  would  perhaps  die 
of  hunger.  W  hat  I  have  said  will  be  understood  by  such 
persons,  who  well  know  how  to  apply  it,  better  than  I  can 
declare,  for  I  feel  tired. 

The  truth  is,  that  the  virtues  which  are  obtained  in  this 
prayer  remain  so  much  stronger  in  the  soul  than  those 
obtained  in  the  Prayer  of  Quiet,  that  she  cannot  be  ignorant 
of  them.  She  sees  herself  quite  another  person,  and  she 
begins  (though  scarcely  knowing  how),  to  do  great  things  by 
means  of  the  odor  the  flowers  yield  of  themselves ;  far  now 
our  Lord  is  pleased  that  the  flowers  should  open,  that  so  she 
may  know  she  has  virtues,  although  she  sees  very  clearly 
she  was  not  able  during  several  years  to  acquire  them,  nor 
could  she  till  the  Heavenly  Gardener  was  pleased  in  an 
instant  to  give  them  to  her.  The  humility,  also,  of  the  soul 
is  greater  and  more  profound  in  this  prayer  than  in  the 
former,  because  she  sees  more  clearly  that  she  did  nothing 


156 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


herself,  but  only  consented  for  our  Lord  to  bestow  these 
favors  on  her,  and  for  the  will  to  embrace  them. 

It  seems  to  me,  that  in  this  kind  of  prayer  there  is  a  very 
evident  union  of  the  whole  soul  with  God,  except  that  it 
appears  His  Majesty  gives  liberty  to  the  powers  of  the  mind, 
to  understand  and  enjoy  the  abundance  of  what  He  works  in 
the  soul.  Sometimes,  and  even  very  often,  it  happens,  that 
the  will  being  thus  united  (I  mention  this,  that  your  Rev¬ 
erence  may  see  it  can  be,  and  that  you  may  understand  it 
when  it  happens),  she  knows  and  understands  that  she  is  tied 
up,  and  yet  she  can  enjoy.  I  repeat,  she  knows  she  possesses 
much  quiet  and  peace,  while  on  the  other  hand  the  memory 
and  the  understanding  are  so  free,  that  they  are  able  to  treat 
about  business,  and  attend  to  works  of  charity.  Now,  though 
this  may  seem  to  be  all  the  same  with  what  I  said  respecting 
the  Prayer  of  Quiet,  yet  it  is  different ;  because  there  the 
soul  is  in  such  a  state  that  she  would  fain  not  stir  nor  move, 
as  she  enjoys  the  holy  leisure  of  Mary  ;  whereas,  in  the 
Prayer  of  Union,  the  soul  may  also  imitate  Martha.  Thus 
she  performs,  almost  all  together,  the  duties  both  of  the 
active  and  the  contemplative  life,  and  she  is  able  to  attend 
to  works  of  charity,  and  to  other  business  connected  with 
her  state  :  she  can  also  read,  though  still  the  faculties  are 
not  entirely  masters  of  themselves,  and  she  understands  well 
that  the  greater  part  of  her  attention  is  occupied  elsewhere. 
It  is  just  as  if  we  were  speaking  with  some  one,  and  that  at 
the  same  time  Some  other  person  were  speaking  with  us,  in 
such  a  manner,  that  neither  to  the  one,  nor  to  the  other  were 
we  entirely  attentive.  It  is  a  something  which  is  perceived 
very  clearly,  and  gives  great  satisfaction  and  content  when¬ 
ever  it  happens  ;  it  serves  also  as  a  very  excellent  preparation, 
in  order  that  when  the  soul  is  in  solitude,  and  free  from 
business,  she  may  enjoy  perfect  quiet  and  repose.  It  is  a 
state  of  being,  as  if  a  person  were  so  satisfied  in  himself 
that  he  would  have  no  necessity  at  all  to  eat,  but  felt  his 
stomach  content  in  such  a  manner  that  he  would  not  taste  of 
every  kind  of  food ;  and  yet  if  he  saw  any  food  which  he 
liked,  he  would  not  forbear  to  eat  of  it.  Thus  the  soul  does 
not  satisfy  herself,  nor  is  she  content  to  feed  on  the  meat  of 
this  world,  because  she  finds  in  herself  that  which  satisfies 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


157 


her,  viz.,  the  greater  pleasure  she  feels  in  God,  and  the 
desires  she  has  of  satisfying  her  wish,  of  enjoying  His 
presence  more  and  more. 

There  is  also  another  kind  of  union,  which  is  not  so  entire, 
though  it  be  greater  than  that  of  which  I  was  speaking  before, 
but  not  altogether  so  great  as  that  of  this  Third  Water. 
Your  Reverence  will  be  very  glad  to  find  it  written  thus — 
(should  our  Lord  bestow  them  all  upon  you,  if  you  have  them 
not  already),  and  to  understand  what  it  is.  It  is  one  kind 
of  favor  for  our  Lord  to  bestow  the  same  favor,  and  another 
to  understand  what  grace  and  favor  that  is  ;  and  another  also 
to  be  able  to  declare  it  and  make  it  understood.  And  though 
it  may  seem,  that  the  first  of  these  three  is  only  necessary 
for  keeping  the  soul  from  being  confused  and  fearful,  and  for 
enabling  her  to  go  forward  with  more  courage  in  the  way 
of  our  Lord,  treading  under  her  feet  all  things  of  this 
world;  yet  it  is  a  great  advantage  and  favor  to  understand 
it.  It  is  proper,  therefore,  that  both  he  who  has  it  and  he 
who  has  it  not,  should  greatly  praise  our  Lord  for  it,  because 
His  Majesty  has  been  pleased  to  give  it  to  some  who  are  alive, 
in  order  that  He  might  do  us  good.  Now,  I  often  have 
this  kind  of  union  whereof  I  am  speaking  ;  and  Almighty 
God  is  very  often  pleased  to  bestow  this  favor  upon  me  in 
such  a  manner,  that  He  makes  my  will  and  also  my  under¬ 
standing  re-collected ;  and  then  it  no  longer  discourses,  but 
is  occupied  in  the  enjoyment  of  God,  as  one  who  is  looking 
on,  and  who  sees  so  much,  that  he  knows  not  which  way  to 
look ;  for  one  thing  instantly  appears,  which  takes  away  the 
sight  of  the  other,  and  so  nothing  makes  any  impression. 

The  memory  remains  free,  and  so  does  the  imagination 
seem  to  do  also  :  and  when  it  sees  itself  alone,  one  cannot 
conceive  what  a  war  it  makes  upon  the  will  and  the  under¬ 
standing,  and  how  it  endeavors  to  put  everything  in  con¬ 
fusion.  It  makes  me  quite  tired,  so  that  I  abhor  it ;  and 
often  have  I  besought  our  Lord  to  deprive  me  entirely  of  it 
on  these  occasions,  if  it  should  continue  thus  to  distract  me. 
Sometimes  I  say,  “  When,  0  Lord,  shall  all  the  powers  of 
my  soul  be  wholly  united  in  singing  Thy  praises,  and  not  be 
any  more  divided,  without  being  able  to  help  herself?” 
Here  I  see  the  evils  which  sin  has  brought  upon  us,  since  it- 
14 


158 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


hinders  us  from  doing  what  we  would  wish,  which  is  to  be 
always  occupied  with  God.  I  mention  how  this  happens  to 
me  sometimes — and  even  this  very  day  I  have  had  this 
union,  and  therefore  I  remember  it  the  better.  My  soul  has 
almost  exhausted  herself,  in  desiring  to  be  wholly  there, 
where  she  finds  herself  for  the  most  part  to  be  already ;  and 
yet  this  appears  to  be  impossible,  because  both  the  memory 
and  the  imagination  make  such  war  upon  her,  that  they 
allow  her  not  to  work.  And  though  they  are  not  able  to 
hurt  her,  because  the  other  faculties  are  wanting,  yet  they 
do  enough  by  the  disquiet  they  cause.  Still  I  say  they  do 
no  harm,  because  they  have  no  strength,  nor  do  they  fix 
themselves  in  one  state :  and  as  the  understanding  does  not 
help  the  imagination  in  that  which  it  represents,  neither 
much  nor  little,  it  cannot  fix  on  anything,  but  goes  from  one 
thing  to  another,  just  like  those  importunate  and  unquiet 
little  gnats  which  buzz  about  by  night  here  and  there.  This 
comparison  seems  to  me  to  be  extremely  proper ;  for  though 
these  faculties  have  no  strength  to  do  any  harm,  yet  they 
trouble  those  who  feel  them.  Against  this  evil  I  know  no 
remedy,  for  hitherto  God  has  not  enabled  me  to  find  any 
out  5  and  if  He  had,  I  should  have  been  glad  to  use  it ;  for 
it  torments  me  very  often,  as  I  have  said.  But  herein  our 
misery  is  made  apparent,  and  the  power  of  God  also  is  very 
evident,  since  this  faculty  which  is  disengaged,  puts  us  to  so 
much  trouble,  and  tires  us,  while  the  others  which  attend  His 
Majesty  make  us  feel  so  much  ease.  The  sole  remedy  which 
I  met  with,  after  having  wearied  myself  for  many  years,  is 
that  of  which  I  spoke  in  the  Prayer  of  Quiet,  viz.,  to  con¬ 
sider  the  memory  no  better  than  a  madman,  and  to  leave  it 
alone  with  its  folly,  for  God  only  can  check  its  extravagan¬ 
cies.  And  since  it  remains  as  a  slave  to  us,  we  must  bear 
with  it  patiently,  just  as  Jacob  did  with  Leah,  for  God  be¬ 
stows  a  favor  upon  us  in  allowing  us  to  enjoy  Rachel.  I 
said  that  it  remains  a  slave,  because  it  cannot  attract  to 
itself  the  other  powers,  however  much  it  may  endeavor  to  do 
so,  while  they,  without  any  labor,  often  draw  it  to  them¬ 
selves.  Sometimes  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  have  pity,  when 
He  sees  the  imagination  so  much  disquieted  and  lost,  through 
her  desire  of  being  with  the  other  faculties  ;  then  His  Majesty 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


159 


consents  that  she  should  burn  in  that  Divine  fire  which  has 
already  consumed  the  others,  in  such  a  manner  as  almost  to 
change  their  nature,  so  as  to  make  them  capable  of  enjoying 
such  supernatural  great  blessings. 

The  joy  and  glory  which  the  soul  enjoys  in  the  different 
ways  whereby  she  draws  water  from  this  Divine  Fountain, 
are  so  great,  that  even  the  body  very  clearly  participates  in 
the  joy  and  delight,  and  our  virtues  also  increase  greatly,  as 
I  have  mentioned.  It  seems,  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  I 
should  explain  these  degrees  of  prayer,  in  which  the  soul 
sees  herself  more  clearly  than  can  be  given  her  to  under¬ 
stand  in  this  life.  Your  Reverence  will  do  well  to  consult 
on  the  subject  with  some  spiritual  and  learned  person,  who 
has  arrived  at  this  degree  of  prayer.  And  if  he  shall  tell 
you  that  you  are  going  on  well,  believe  that  God  has  said 
so  to  you,  and  consider  it  a  great  favor  from  His  Majesty  3 
because  you  will,  in  the  course  of  time,  rejoice  very  much, 
as  I  have  said,  to  understand  what  it  is  3  though  now,  while 
you  have  the  means  to  enjoy  it,  he  gives  you  not  the  grace 
to  understand  it.  But  as  His  Majesty  has  given  you  the 
first  part,  you  will  afterwards  understand  the  rest  by  your 
knowledge  and  learning.  May  He  be  praised  forever  and 
ever.  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

THE  SAINT  SPEAKS  ON  THE  FOURTH  DEGREE  OF  PRAYER. 

May  our  Lord  teach  me  some  words,  whereby  I  may  be 
able  to  say  something  on  the  fourth  method  of  drawing 
water.  I  have  great  need  of  His  assistance,  even  more  than 
I  had  when  speaking  of  the  last  degree ;  for  there  the  soul 
finds  that  she  is  not  entirely  dead  to  the  world  3  and  we  may 
say  so  with  truth,  because  she  is  still  in  the  world.  But,  as 
I  have  said,  she  has  sufficient  understanding  to  know  she  is 
in  it,  and  to  feel  her  solitude ;  and  she  makes  use  of  exterior 
signs  to  make  what  she  feels  understood.  In  all  the  pre¬ 
ceding  kinds  of  prayer  which  I  have  described,  the  gardener 


160 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


labors  a  little ;  though  yet  in  this  latter  kind  of  prayer,  his 
labor  is  accompanied  with  so  much  joy  and  consolation  to  the 
soul,  that  he  would  be  glad  were  it  never  to  end  ;  and  thus 
he  finds  no  trouble  at  all,  but  rather  a  subject  of  glory.  In 
this  fourth  degree  there  is  no  suffering,  but  only  enjoying, 
though  yet  without  understanding  what  is  enjoyed.  He 
knows,  however,  that  a  certain  good  is  possessed,  in  which 
all  blessings  are  comprised  :  but  this  good  is  not  compre¬ 
hended  by  him.  All  the  senses  are  occupied  with  this  joy 
in  such  a  manner,  that  they  cannot  apply  themselves  to  any¬ 
thing  else,  either  interiorly  or  exteriorly.  Before  (as  I  have 
mentioned),  a  certain  liberty  was  given  to  them,  in  order 
that  they  might  show  some  signs  of  the  great  joy  they  felt; 
but  here  the  soul  enjoys  much  more,  beyond  comparison,  and 
can  make  herself  understood  much  less,  because  both  the 
body  and  the  soul  are  incapable  of  communicating  that  joy  : 
everything  would  then  be  an  embarrassment,  torment,  and 
an  obstacle  to  the  repose  of  the  soul.  I  say,  that  if  there 
should  be  a  union  of  all  the  powers,  she  cannot,  even  if  she 
wished,  coinrni  nicate  the  joy  she  feels;  and  if  she  could, 
there  -would  not  be  a  union.  How  what  is  called  “  union” 
happens,  and  what  it  is,  I  am  not  able  to  explain.  It  is  ex¬ 
plained  in  “  Mystical  theology,”  of  the  terms  of  which  I  am 
ignorant :  neither  do  I  know  what  is  meant  by  the  “  mind,” 
nor  the  difference  between  mind  and  soul ;  nor  what  is  a 
“  spirit :”  all  these  seem  to  be  one  and  the  same  thing  to 
me ;  though  sometimes  the  soul  herself  springs  out,  like  a 
fire  which  is  burning,  and  has  burned  into  a  flame;  and 
sometimes  this  fire  increases  with  a  certain  impetuosity,  and 
the  flame  rises  much  higher  than  the  fire  :  but,  notwithstand¬ 
ing  this,  it  is  not  anything  different  from  the  fire,  but  it  is 
the  flame  itself  which  is  in  the  fire.  Your  Reverence  will 
understand  this  subject  by  your  learning ;  I  know  not  how 
to  explain  it  better. 

I  wish  to  mention  what  the  soul  feels  when  she  is  in  this 
divine  union.  Every  one  knows  what  is  meant  by  a  union, 
viz.,  when  two  things,  which  before  were  separated,  become 
one.  0  my  Lord  !  how  good  art  Thou  !  Blessed  be  Thou 
forever!  May  all  creatures  praise  Thee,  0  my  God!  who 
hast  loved  us  in  such  a  manner,  that  we  are  able  to  speak  with 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  161 

truth  respecting  this  communication,  which  Thou  holdest 
with  souls,  even  in  this  land  of  exile ;  and  however  good 
they  may  be,  still  Thy  liberality  and  magnificence  are  great 
in  treating  with  them :  in  fine,  0  my  Lord !  it  is  Thine  own 
greatness  which  gives  these  favors,  considering  who  Thou 
art.  0 !  infinite  Bounty,  how  magnificent  are  Thy  works  ! 
Bo  they  not  amaze  those  who  have  not  their  understanding 
so  occupied  with  the  things  of  this  world,  as  to  allow  them 
time  to  hear  and  understand  the  truth  ?  Why  shouldst  Thou 
bestow  such  supernatural  favors  on  souls  who  have  so  often 
offended  Thee  ?  This  consideration  does  certainly  surpass 
my  understanding  5  and  the  more  I  consider  it,  the  more  I 
am  unable  to  pass  on  further.  Where  can  one  go  without 
being  obliged  to  return  back,  since  I  know  not  how  to  re¬ 
turn  Thee  thanks  for  such  immense  favors  ?  J  help  myself 
sometimes  by  speaking  foolish  things  ;  and  it  often  happens, 
both  after  I  have  received  these  favors  and  when  our  Lord 
is  beginning  to  bestow  them  (I  have  already  mentioned  how 
at  the  very  time  I  am  enjoying  them,  I  have  no  power  to  do 
anything),  that  I  thus  address  Him :  (i  0  Lord !  consider 
what  Thou  art  doing :  do  not  forget  so  quickly  my  very 
grievous  sins ;  and  though  Thou  hast  forgotten  them  so  far 
as  to  pardon  them,  yet  remember  them,  I  beseech  Thee,  so 
as  to  put  some  limit  to  Thy  favors.  Bo  not  place  so  precious 
a  liquor  in  so  broken  a  vessel,  0  my  Creator !  since  Thou 
hast  already  seen  how  often  I  have  spilt  it.  Commit  not 
such  a  precious  treasure  to  one  in  whom  a  desire  for  the  con¬ 
solations  of  this  life  has  not  yet  been  totally  extinguished, 
as  it  ought  to  be  :  if  Thou  shouldst  commit  it,  it  will  be’ 
utterly  lost.  How  canst  Thou  commit  the  strength  of  this 
city,  and  the  keys  of  the  fortress,  to  a  cowardly  commander, 
who,  on  the  first  attack  of  the  enemy,  is  sure  to  Lt  them 
enter  ?  0!  my  Eternal  King !  let  not  Thy  love  of  me  be 

so  great,  as  that  it  should  make  Thee  expose  such  precious 
jewels  as  thege  to  danger.  It  seems  to  me,  0  my  Lord ! 
that  Thou  mayest  give  the  world  occasion  hereby  to  under¬ 
value  these  great  favors  of  Thine,  since  Thou  dost  place 
them  in  the  hands  of  a  creature  so  base,  so  weak,  so  mise¬ 
rable,  and  of  such  little  worth  as  I  am.  And  though  I  now 
begin  to  labor,  that  I  may  not  lose  them,  through  Thy  assist- 


S 


162 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


ance  (and  I  have  need  of  no  little,  considering  who  I  am), 
yet  I  shall  not  be  able,  by  means  thereof,  to  gain  any  one 
else  to  Thee :  in  a  word,  I  am  a  woman,  and  not  a  good  one, 
but  very  wicked.  It  seems  that  these  Thy  talents  are  thus 
not  only  hidden,  but  even  quite  buried,  by  being  put  in  so 
ungrateful  a  soil.  Thou  art  not  accustomed,  0  Lord !  to 
impart  such  favors  and  dignities  to  a  soul,  but  only  with  a 
view  that  she  may  profit  many  others.  Thou  knowest,  0 
Lord !  that  sometimes  I  have  begged  this  favor,  and  still 
beg  it  of  Thee,  with  my  whole  heart  and  affection  ;  and  I 
consider  it  fit  to  be  content  to  lose  the  highest  blessing 
which  can  be  enjoyed  upon  earth,  in  order  that  Thou  mayst 
be  pleased  to  grant  it  to  some  other,  who  will  profit  more  by 
it  to  Thine  own  greater  glory.”  These  and  other  such  mat¬ 
ters  I  have  often  thought  of  mentioning ;  but  I  afterwards 
saw  my  ignorance,  and  the  little  humility  I  possessed,  for 
our  Lord  knows  well  what  is  proper  for  every  one,  and  that 
my  soul  would  not  have  had  sufficient  strength  to  save 
herself,  unless  His  Majesty  had  bestowed  on  her  so  many 
favors. 

I  also  wish  to  declare  the  graces  and  effects  which  remain 
in  the  soul  by  this  prayer,  and  what  she  can  do  of  herself, 
or  if  she  can  in  any  way  be  instrumental  in  bringing  herself 
to  so  high  a  state.  This  elevation  of  the  spirit  or  union 
comes  with  a  celestial  love  ;  in  my  opinion,  this  union  is  dif¬ 
ferent  from  elevation,  though  yet  the  soul  is  elevated  in  this 
same  union.  Whoever  has  not  experienced  this  last  will  be 
of  a  different  opinion  ;  but  yet,  even  though  they  should  both 
be  the  same,  our  Lord  works  differently  therein ;  and  by  the 
increase  which  the  soul  receives  of  disengaging  herself  from 
all  creatures,  she  seems  much  greater  by  that  elevation.  I 
have  seen  clearly  that  this  is  a  particular  favor,  although  (as 
I  have  said)  they  may  both  be  the  same,  or  at  least  may 
seem  so.  But  a  small  fire  is  as  truly  a  fire  as  a  great  one, 
and  yet  we  see  there  is  a  difference  between,  one  and  the 
other.  In  a  small  fire  it  takes  a  long  time  before  a  small 
piece  of  iron  can  be  made  hot ;  but  if  the  fire  be  great,  the 
iron,  though  it  may  also  be  great,  will  soon  lose  the  appear¬ 
ance  of  iron  ;  just  so  does  it  seem  to  me,  in  these  two  kinds 
of  favors  from  our  Lord.  I  know  that  whoever  shall  hav« 


163 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

arrived  at  these  raptures  will  understand  me  well ;  hut  he 
who  has  had  no  experience  therein,  will  consider  what  I  say 
to  be  foolish  :  and  it  may  be  so,  for  how  shall  such  a  creature 
as  I  ain  presume  to  speak  on  such  a  subject,  and  to  make 
that  understood  which  it  seems  impossible  to  think  of  de¬ 
claring  even  by  words'?  It  is  not  strange,  then,  if  I  speak 
foolish  things. 

But  I  believe  this  of  our  Lord  (for  His  Majesty  knows 
that,  next  to  obedience,  my  intention  is  no  other  than  to 
make  souls  desirous  of  obtaining  so  high  a  blessing),  that 
He  will  assist  me  herein.  I  shall  say  nothing  of  which  I 
have  not  had  much  experience.  It  is  quite  true  that  when  I 
began  to  write  on  this  last  degree,  I'  thought  it  would  be 
more  impossible  for  me  to  treat  about  it,  than  to  speak  Greek, 
so  very  difficult  did  I  find  it :  upon  this  I  gave  up  writing, 
and  went  to  communion.  Oh  !  virtue  of  obedience  !  which 
art  able  to  do  all  things  :  ‘may  our  Lord  be  praised,  who 
thus  favors  the  ignorant.  Oh,  virtue  of  obedience !  which 
art  able  to  do  all  things :  God  enlightened  my  understand¬ 
ing,  sometimes  furnishing  me  with  the  words  I  was  to  use, 
and  at  other  times  by  representing  to  me  the  manner  in 
which  I  should  express  myself :  what  His  Majesty  was  pleased 
to  do  in  the  former  degree  of  prayer,  so  it  seems  that  here 
also  He  wishes  to  declare  what  I  myself  am  not  able  to  ex¬ 
press,  nor  do  I  know  how.  What  I  say  is  perfectly  true,  so 
that  whatever  is  good  comes  from  His  teaching;  and  what 
is  bad,  comes  from  that  sea  of  misery  and  sin,  which  is 
myself. 

But  if  there  be  any  persons  (and  there  may  be  many) 
who  have  arrived  at  these  degrees  of  prayer  with  which  our 
Lord  has  favored  me,  though  so  miserable  a  creature,  and 
should  they  wish  to  speak  on  these  matters  with  me,  think¬ 
ing  they  may  perhaps  have  wandered  out  of  the  true  road,  I 
trust  our  Lord  will  so  help  His  servant  that  she  may  go  for¬ 
ward  and  declare  the  truth. 

I  now  wish  to  speak  of  that  water  which  comes  from  heaven 
in  such  abundance,  as  completely  and  entirely  to  water  this 
garden  :  if  our  Lord  never  failed  to  give  this  water  when¬ 
ever  there  was  any  want  of  it,  it  is  evident  what  ease  the 
gardener  would  enjoy !  There  would  be  no  winter,  but 


164 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


always  the  weather  would  be  temperate,  and  flowers  and 
fruit  would  never  bo  Wanting :  then  might  be  seen  what  de¬ 
light  the  gardener  would  enjoy  !  But  as  long  as  we  live  in 
this  world,  such  a  state  is  impossible ;  and  we  must  always 
take  care,  whenever  we  are  in  want  of  one  of  the  waters,  to 
procure  the  other.  Sometimes  this  water  falls  from  heaven 
when  the  gardener  thinks  least  of  it.  True  it  is,  the  water 
comes  almost  always  after  a  long  exercise  of  mental  prayer ; 
and  by  degrees  our  Lord  catches  this  little  bird,  and  places 
it  in  a  nest,  there  to  repose.  And  when  He  has  seen  it  fly¬ 
ing  for  a  long  time,  that  is,  the  soul  endeavoring  to  seek 
God,  and  to  please  Him  by  her  understanding,  her  will,  and 
all  her  strength,  then  He  is  pleased  to  reward  her  even  in 
this  life.  And  how  great  is  the  reward  He  gives  !  One  mo¬ 
ment’s  enjoyment  thereof  is  sufficient  tQ  repay  all  the  trials 
and  afflictions  we  can  endure  in  this  life. 

1  he  soul  thus  going  in  search  of  God,  finds  herself  almost 
sinking  under  a  sweet  and  most  excessive  delight,  accompa¬ 
nied  with  a  kind  of  fainting,  so  that  the  breath  begins  to 
fail,  and  also  all  corporeal  strength,  not  indeed  attended 
with  great  pain,  but  in  such  a  manner  that  even  the  hands 
cannot  be  moved ;  the  eyes  are  closed  without  our  having 
any  desire  to  close  them  ;  and  when  they  are  open,  the  soul 
sees  nothing  distinctly :  if  she  can  read,  she  is  unable  to  tell 
a  letter,  and  she  knows  not  how  to  pronounce  it  properly. 
She  sees  indeed  there  are  letters,  but  as  the  understanding 
does  not  help  her,  she  knows  not  how  to  read,  though  she 
should  desire.  She  hears,  but  understands  not  what  she 
hears.  Thus  she  receives  no  benefit  at  all  from  her  senses, 
but  only  that  they  will  not  allow  her  to  take  the  full  enjoy¬ 
ment  of  her  pleasure  ;  and  accordingly  they  do  her  more 
harm  than  good.  As  to  speaking,  it  is  useless  to  attempt  it, 
for  she  cannot  form  any  words ;  and  even  if  she  could,  she 
has  no  strength  to  pronounce  them ;  because  all  her  bodily 
strength  is  gone,  while  that  of  the  soul  is  increased,  that  so 
she  may  the  better  enjoy  her  glory.  The  exterior  delight 
which  she  feels  is  both  very  great  and  very  evident.  This 
prayer,  however  long  it  may  last,  produces  no  inconvenience, 
at-  least  I  feel  none ;  nor  do  I  remember  when  our  Lord  be¬ 
stowed  this  favor  on  me,  however  ill  I  might  be,  that  I  ever 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


165 


found  myself  worse  :  I  was,  on  the  other  hand,  much  better. 
But  what  harm  can  so  great  a  blessing  do  ?  Its  effects  are 
so  manifest,  that  one  cannot  doubt  it  augments  the  vigor  of 
the  soul,  since  our  Lord  took  away  all  her  bodily  strength, 
though  attended  with  such  great  delight,  in  order  to  leave 
her  still  greater  strength. 

It  is  true  that  in  the  beginning  this  feeling  passes  away  in 
a  short  time,  at  least  it  happened  so  to  me  neither  can  it  he 
known  by  these  exterior  signs,  nor  by  the  absence  of  our 
senses,  since  this  prayer  passes  quickly  away.  But  still  it  is 
easily  discerned  by  the  excess  of  the  favors  received,  for  the 
heat  of  the  sun  must  have  been  great  there,  since  it  melted 
every  obstacle. 

This  point  should,  in  my  opinion,  be  noticed,  viz.,  that 
however  long  the  time  may  seem  to  be  in  which  all  the 
powers  of  the  soul  are  suspended,  it  is  in  reality  short :  if  it 
should  continue  for  half  an  hour,  that  would  be  very  long ; 
for  my  part  I  think  I  was  never  so  long.  It  is  true  one  can 
hardly  judge  how  long  the  time  is,  since  the  person  has  no 
outward  sense :  but  it  must  be  a  very  short  time,  in  which 
some  of  the  powers  will  not  return  again  to  themselves. 
The  will  is  the  only  power  which  carries  on  the  work ;  the 
other  two  quickly  become  importunate ;  hut  as  the  will 
remains  quiet,  she  suspends  them  again,  and  then  they 
remain  another  little  while,  and  live  again.  In  this  manner 
some  hours  may  be  passed  in  prayer,  as  in  reality  they  are  ; 
for  wher  the  two  powers  have  begun  to  taste  this  celestial 
wine,  and  to  he  inebriated  therewith,  they  easily  lose  them¬ 
selves  again,  that  so  they  may  gain  the  more *  and  as  they 
accompany  the  will  all  three  enjoy  themselves  together.  But 
the  period  during  which  they  remain  entirely  lost  is  very 
short ;  and  there  is  no  imagination  at  all ;  for,  in  my  opinion, 
this  power  is  also  entirely  lost,  though  they  do  not  so  entirely 
return  to  themselves,  without  remaining  for  some  hours,  as  it 
were,  stupid ;  hut  God  recollects  them,  and  brings  them 
hack  by  little  and  little  to  Himself. 

We  now  come  to  the  interior  of  what  the  soul  then  feels  ; 
let  him  declare  it  who  knows  it,  for  it  cannot  he  understood, 
and  much  less  expressed.  I  was  thinking  (when  I  wished  to 
write  these  remarks,  after  having  communicated,  and  having 


166 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


been  engaged  in  this  very  prayer  on  which  I  am  now  writing) 
on  what  the  soul  did  at  that  time.  Our  Lord  addressed 
these  words  to  me  :  “  She  forgets  herself  entirely,  in  order 
to  give  herself  more  to  Me  ;  it  is  not  she  who  now  lives,  but 
I  who  live  in  her  :  and  this  is  so  incomprehensible,  that  all 
she  can  comprehend  is, — that  she  comprehends  nothing.” 

He  who  has  proved  these  words  by  experience  will  be  able 
to  understand  something  of  them,  for  I  cannot  speak  more 
clearly,  since  what  happens  here  is  so  very  obscure.  I  can 
only  say,  that  their  being  united  with  God  is  represented  to 
them :  and  they  are  so  certain  thereof  that  they  cannot 
possibly  help  believing  it.  Here  all  the  powers  of  the  soul 
cease  operating,  and  are  suspended  in  such  a  manner  that  in 
no  way  can  it  be  understood  (as  I  have  mentioned) — that 
they  work.  If  the  soul  were  thinking  of  some  mystery,  it 
is  instantly  forgotten,  as  if  there  had  never  been  any  such 
thought ;  if  she  were  reading,  she  has  no  remembrance  of 
what  she  read,  nor  of  what  she  was  meditating  on,  and  so  of 
praying  vocally  in  like  manner.  Tlius,  this  importunate  little 
gnat  of  the  memory  has  her  wings  burnt  here,  so  that  she 
can  no  longer  move  from  place  to  place.  The  will,  however, 
is  entirely  occupied  in  loving,  though  it  understands  not  how 
it  loves.  It  is  not  known  how  the  understanding  under¬ 
stands  -  if  it  understands  at  all,  at  least  it  can  comprehend 
nothing  of  that  which  it  understands.  To  me  it  appears  not 
to  understand,  because  (as  I  was  saying)  it  is  not  understood ; 
and  I  have  not  yet  been  able  to  understand  this  myself. 

At  first  I  was  in  such  great  ignorance  as  not  to  know  that 
God  was  in  all  things  ;  and  as  He  seemed  to  be  so  present  to 
me,  it  appeared  impossible  for  me  to  believe  otherwise.  Not 
to  believe  that  He  was  there  I  was  unable,  because  it  seemed 
almost  certain  that  I  understood  Him  to  be  present.  Some 
unlearned  men  told  me  that  He  was  present  only  by  His 
grace ;  this  I  could  not  believe,  because  (as  I  have  said)  He 
appeared  to  me  to  be  present ;  and  so  I  went  on  in  trouble. 
But,  at  length,  a  great  and  learned  m^n,  of  the  Order  of  the 
glorious  St.  Dominic,  freed  me  from  this  doubt,  and  told  me, 
that  not  only  was  our  Lord  present,  but  that  He  also  com¬ 
municated  Himself  to  us  :  these  words  comforted  me  much, 
We  must  take  notice  and  understand  that  this  celestial  water 


LICE  OF  ST.  TERESA1. 


167 


is  always  to  be  considered  as  a  most  eminent  favor  from  our 
Lord,  for  it  endows  the  soul  with  most  precious  advantages, 
as  I  shall  now  mention. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE  SAINT  BEGINS  TO  DECLARE  THE  EFFECTS  WHICH  THIS  DEGREE  OP 
PRAYER  PRODUCES  IN  THE  SOUL,  ETC. 

In  this  prayer  and  union  the  soul  is  filled  with  so  great 
tenderness  as  to  be  willing  to  dissolve  herself,  not  through 
the  pain  she  feels,  but  by  the  tears  of  joy  wherewith  she  is 
bathed,  without  knowing  how  or  when  she  shed  them.  But 
it  gives  her  great  delight  to  find  this  impetuosity  of  the  fire 
allayed  by  water,  which,  however,  makes  it  increase  the  more. 
This  language  may  seem  to  be  so  much  “  gibberish ;  ”  but 
so  it  is. 

In  this  degree  of  prayer  I  have  sometimes  happened  to  be 
so  entirely  out  of  myself,  that  I  knew  not  whether  I  were 
awake  or  asleep,  or  whether  in  truth  I  had  been*  in  the  glory 
which  I  felt.  I  saw  myself  so  bathed  in  the  water,  which 
came  from  my  eyes  with  such  force  and  speed,  that  it  seemed 
as  if  it  were  poured  down  from  some  cloud  in  the  heavens. 
1  found  that  it  was  no  dream  5  and  this  happened  at  the 
beginning  of  this  prayer,  but  it  quickly  passed  away.  The 
soul,  however,  remains  so  courageous,  that  if  she  could  then 
be  cut  to  pieces  for  God’s  sake,  it  would  be  a  great  consola¬ 
tion  to  her.  There  are  excited  and  renewed  all  her  promises  ; 
her  heroic  resolutions,  the  lively  efficacy  of  her  desires ;  her 
abhorrence  of  the  world  ;  her  very  clearly  seeing  her  own 
vanity  ;  and  all  this  is  observed  much  more  perfectly  and 
deeply  than  it  was  in  her  former  prayers.  Her  humility 
becomes  much  stronger,  because  now  she  sees  clearly  that  it 
was  no  diligence  of  hers  which  jirocured  her  this  excessive 
and  incomparable  favor,  nor  was  her  diligence  in  any  way 
instrumental  in  making  her  enjoy  this  favor  ;  she  sees  clearly 
that  she  is  a  most  unworthy  wretch,  for  if  a  clear  beam  of 
the  sun  should  enter  any  room,  the  smallest  cobweb  cannot  be 
concealed ;  she  sees  her  misery.  She  is  also  so  free  from 


168 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

vain-glory,  that  it  seems  impossible  for  her  to  entertain  it, 
because  she  has  now  before  her  eyes  how  little  she  is  able  to 
perform,  or  rather  that  it  is  nothing  at  all ;  and,  also,  that 
there  was  hardly  so  much  as  any  consent  of  hers,  but  that  it 
seems,  whether  she  would  or  not,  the  gates  of  all  her  senses 
were  shut  up,  in  order  that  she  might  the  better  enjoy  her 
Lord  •  and  as  she  remains  alone  with  Him,  what  has  she  to 
do  but  to  love  Him?  She  neither  can  see  nor  hear,  unkss 
she  be  forced,  and  therefore  there  is  little  for  which  to  thank 
her.  Her  former  life  is  then  represented  to  her  with  perfect 
truth,  and  also  the  great  mercy  of  God.  All  this  happens 
without  the  understanding  being  obliged  to  go  in  search  of 
it,  and  there  she  sees  ready  prepared  what  she  is  to  eat  and 
understand.  She  sees  also  that  of  herself  she  deserves  hell, 
and  that  instead  thereof  she  receives  glory,  and  not  punish¬ 
ment.  Hence  she  consumes  herself  in  the  praises  of  Hod, 
and  I  should  be  glad  to  do  the  same  now.  Blessed  he 
Thou,  0  mv  Lord !  who  having  found  me  to  be  such  impure 
water,  hast  vouchsafed  to  purify  it  in  suchamanncrthatit 
mav  be  in  some  measure  not  unworthy  of  Thy  table.  Be 
Thou  praised,  O  Joy  of  Angels!  who  hast  been  pleased  to 

exalt  so  base  a  worm.”  .  ,  .  , 

This  profit  the  soul  retains  for  some  time,  and  she  already 

clearly  understands  thai  the  fruit  is  not  of  her  own  growth ; 
she  begins  to  give  part  of  it  to  others,  without  feeling  any 
want  of  it  herself.  She  begins  also  to  give  signs  of  being 
a  soul  that  guards  heavenly  treasures,  and  she  is  desirous  ot 
making  others  partake  of  them,  beseeching  God  that  she 
alone  .nay  not  be  rich.  She  begins  to  do  good  to  her 
neighbors,  almost  without  understanding  it,  or  doing  an) -thing 
herself ;  but  they  who  receive  the  benefit  understand  it  well, 
because  the  flowers  already  yield  so  great  a  scent,  that  ey 
make  every  one  desirous  of  coming  to  them.  People 
she  has  great  virtues,  and  that  the  fruit  ,s  tempting,  and 
they  would  be  glad  to  help  her  to  eat  it.  If  the  earth  of 
this  garden  (the  soul)  be  cultivated,  by  labors,  and  persecu¬ 
tions?  and  detractions,  and  sicknesses  (and  there  are  few  who 
arrive  so  far  without  these  things),  and  if  it  be  loos™ed  fr°“ 
all  self-interest,  the  water  sinks  so  very  deep  that  the  soil 
will  scarce  ever  be  dry .  But  if  the  soul  have  as  many  thorns 


as  I  had  in  the  beginning, — if  she  do  not  avoid  all  the 
occasions  of  sin,  and  if  she  neglect  to  acknowledge  her  obli¬ 
gations  to  God  for  so  great  a  favor,  she  soon  again  becomes 
dry.  And  if  the  gardener  should  grow  negligent,  and  our 
Lord,  through  His  sole  goodness  should  not  be  willing  to 
give  the  garden  rain,  you  may  give  it  up  as  ruined  and 
destroyed.  So  did  it  happen  to  me  several  times ;  and  truly 
it  amazes  me  to  reflect  upon  it ;  if  I  had  not  experienced  it, 
I  could  not  have  believed  it.  I  write  thus  for  the  comfort 
of  such  souls  as  are  weak,  like  mine,  that  so  they  may  never 
despair,  nor  once  desist  from  confiding  in  the  greatness  of  God, 
even  though  they  should  fall,  after  having  been  loaded  with 
such  favors  as  are  here  mentioned.  They  must  not  despair, 
unless  they  wish  to  be  totally  lost :  tears  gain  everything : 
one  brings  another. 

One  of  the  reasons  by  which  I  have  been  animated  (con¬ 
sidering  the  wretched  creature  I  am)  to  write  this  discourse 
by  obedience,  and  to  give  an  account  of  my  wicked  life,  and 
of  the  favors  our  Lord  had  bestowed  upon  me  (and  these, 
not  while  I  was  serving,  but  offending  Him),  has  been  this : — 
I  wish  I  were  some  person  of  great  authority,  that  so  men 
might  believe  me  the  more  in  this  respect.  I  entreat  our 
Lord  that  His  Majesty  may  bestow  the  favor  upon  me.  I 
say,  that  no  one  of  those  who  have  begun  to  use  mental 
prayer  should  be  dismayed  by  saying,  u  If  I  became  wicked 
again,  it  would  be  worse  for  me  to  go  on  with  the  exercise  of 
prayer.”  I  believe  this,  if  he  should  omit  prayer,  and  not 
correct  his  life.  But  if  he  should  not  give  up  prayer,  he 
may  be  confident  it  will  lead  him  to  the  port  of  life.  The 
devil  made  so  fierce  an  attack  upon  me  in  this  point,  and  I 
passed  so  long  without  prayer  (thinking  that,  being  so  wicked 
as  I  was,  it  would  be  an  act  of  greater  humility  to  omit),  I 
gave  it  over  for  about  a  year  and  a  half,  or  for  a  year  at  least, 
for  the  half-year  I  do  not  remember  so  well.  This  was 
nothing  more  than  making  myself  fall  into  hell,  without  need¬ 
ing  any  devils  for  this  purpose.  0  my  God,  what  great 
blindness  !  And  how  well  the  devil  succeeds  in  his  purpose, 
by  laying  so  heavy  a  load  upon  us  herein !  The  traitor 
knows  that  he  has  lost  the  soul  which  perseveres  in  prayer, 
and  that  all  those  falls  which  he  causes  us  to  make,  will  bi?* 
15 


170 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


assist  us,  through  the  goodness  of  God,  to  make  us  after¬ 
wards  advance  more  quickly  in  His  service  ;  the  devil  knows 
all  this. 

0  my  Jesus!  wThat  a  thing  it  is  to  see  a  soul  who  has 
arrived  at  this  state  fallen  into  sin  !  In  Thy  mercy  Thou 
dost  lend  her  Thy  hand  to  rise  again  :  then  will  she  know 
the  multitude  of  Thy  greatnesses  and  mercies,  and  her  own 
misery.  Then  she  comes  to  annihilate  herself  in  earnest, 
and  to  understand  Thy  greatness  :  here  she  presumes  not 
to  raise  up  her  eyes  to  heaven,  though  yet  she  raises  her 
thoughts  to  consider  and  understand  her  obligations  to  Him. 
Here  she  becomes  devoted  to  the  Queen  of  Heaven,  that  she 
by  her  prayers  may  appease  Thee.  Here  she  invokes  those 
saints  who  fell,  after  Thou  didst  once  call  them  to  Thy 
service,  in  order  that  they  may  assist  her.  Here  she  believes, 
that  whatever  crosses  Thou  dost  send,  they  are  all  too  light, 
because  she  sees  she  does  not  deserve  the  very  ground  on 
which  she  stands.  Here  she  has  recourse  to  the  Sacraments, 
and  to  that  lively  faith  which  remains  in  her,  from  seeing  the 
great  efficacy  God  has  given  them.  She  praises  Thee  for 
having  left  such  ointments  and  medicine  for  the  cure  of  our 
wounds ;  and  these  not  only  close  them,  but  heal  them 
entirely  :  at  all  this  she  is  amazed.  And  who,  0  Lord  of 
my  soul !  ought  not  to  be  amazed  at  so  great  mercy  and  in¬ 
creased  favors,  in  spite  of  treasons  which  are  so  foul  and 
abominable,  that  I  wonder  how  my  heart  does  not  break 
when  I  write  these  things,  because  I  am  a  wicked  wretch. 
And  yet  it  seems  as  if  I  wished  to  make  Thee  some  kind  of 
satisfaction  for  so  many  treasons,  by  shedding  these  few  poor 
tears,  given  by  Thee,  and  which,  as  far  as  concerns  me,  are 
but  so  much  water  drawn  from  a  muddy  well.  Still,  I  am 
always  committing  evil,  and  endeavoring  to  frustrate  the 
favors  which  Thou  hast  done  me.  Be  pleased,  0  my  Lord, 
to  give  value  to  my  tears.  Make  these  tears,  0  Lord, 
acceptable  to  Thee  :  purify  the  troubled  water  of  my  soul, 
that  so  no  temptation  may  be  given  to  any  one,  of  forming 
rash  judgments,  as  was  the  case  with  me  ;  for  I  often  thought, 
why  Thou  dost  pass  over,  0  Lord,  other  very  holy  people, 
who  have  always  served  Thee  and  suffered  for  Thee,  and 
have  been  brought  up  in  religion,  and  who  are  indeed  truly 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  171 

religious  ;  and  not  like  me,  who  had  nothing  more  than  the 
name  :  and  yet  I  see  clearly  Thou  hast  not  shown  such  favors 
to  them  as  Thou  hast  to  me.  But  I  know  well,  0  my 
Eternal  God  !  Thou  keepest  their  reward  in  store,  that  Thou 
mayest  give  it  to  them  altoge ther,  and  that  my  weakness 
requires  such  treatment.  But  those  others,  like  valiant  men, 
serve  Thee  without  it,  and  so  Thou  treatest  them  as  Thou 
wouldst  people  strong  in  courage  who  have  no  interest  of 
their  own. 

But  notwithstanding  all  this,  Thou  knowest,  0  Lord,  that 
often  I  cried  out  before  Thee,  excusing  those  persons  who 
spoke  against  me,  because  I  thought  they  had  too  much 
reason  for  what  they  said.  But  this  happened,  0  Lord  ! 
when  already,  through  Thy  goodness,  Thou  hadst  prevented 
me  from  offending  Thee  so  much  3  and  when  I  was  already 
endeavoring  to  avoid  whatever  might  offend  Thee.  And 
when  I  began  to  do  this,  Thou,  0  Lord!  didst  begin  to  open 
Thy  treasures  to  this  Thy  servant.  And  it  seems  Thou  didst 
expect  nothing  more,  than  that  I  might  be  inclined  and  pre¬ 
pared  to  receive  them  3  so  quickly  didst  Thou  begin,  not 
only  to  bestow  them,  but  to  wish  that  men  should  know  Thou 
hadst  given  them. 

And  when  this  was  known,  some  began  to  have  a  good 
opinion  of  me,  though  all  were  not  aware  how  wicked  I  was : 
still  a  great  deal  of  my  wickedness  transpired.  Then  men 
began,  all  at  once,  to  calumniate  me,  and  persecute  me  3  and, 
in  my  opinion,  not  without  great  cause.  But  still,  I  enter¬ 
tained  no  enmity  against  any  one,  but  only  besought  Thee  to 
consider  what  reasons  they  had.  They  said  that  I  wished  to 
pass  for  a  saint,  and  that  I  invented  certain  novelties,  though 
I  was  not  then  able,  by  a  great  deal,  even .  to  fulfil  all  the 
duties  of  my  rule  3  nor  had  I  overtaken,  in  the  way  of  virtue, 
those  most  pious  and  religious  nuns  who  were  in  the  monas¬ 
tery.  And  I  think  I  shall  never  be  able  to  arrive  thereto, 
unless  God  in  Ilis  goodness  be  pleased  to  perform  everything 
on  His  side  3  rather  was  1  inclined  to  do  away  with  every¬ 
thing  which  was  good,  and  to  establish  certain  customs  which 
were  not  good  :  at  least,  I  did  what  I  could  to  introduce 
them ;  and  in  doing  evil  I  always  had  power  enough  :  and 
thus  men  blamed  me  without  any  fault  of  theirs.  I  do  not 


172 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


say  that  they  were  nuns  only ;  other  persons  also  told  me 
truths,  because  Thou  didst  permit  them. 

When  once  I  was  saying  my  office,  and  came  to  this  verse, 
“  Thou  art  just,  0  Lord !  and  Thy  judgments  are  right,” 
as  I  was  sometimes  subject*  to  this  temptation,  I  began  to 
consider  how  true  these  words  were.  In  this  respect,  the 
devil  never  had  any  power  to  tempt  me  so  far,  as  to  make  me 
doubt  but  that  Thou,  0  Lord !  art  the  author  of  all  goodness  ; 
nor  could  he  prevail  over  me  in  anything  relating  to  Faith  : 
rather  did  it  seem  to  me,  that  the  more  the  articles  of 
faith  were  above  nature,  the  more  firmly  did  I  believe  them,  and 
the  more  devotion  they  excited  within  me.  And  as  Thou 
art  omnipotent,  all  the  manifestations  of  Thy  greatness 
which  Thou  mightest  display,  I  resolved  upon  to  ex¬ 
ecute;  and  of  this  (as  I  have  said)  I  had  no  doubt. 
And  when  I  was  afterwards  considering  how,  since  Thou 
art  just,  Thou  couldst  permit  so  many  dear  servants  of 
Thine  to  he  without  having  received  those  favors  and 
caresses  which  Thou  didst  bestow  upon  me,  Thou  didst 
return  this  answer :  “  Serve  Me,  and  do  not  trouble 
thyself  about  anything  else.”  These  were  the  first  words 
which  I  heard  You  speak  to  me,  and  therefore  I  was 
greatly  astonished  thereat.  I  will  afterwards  declare  this 
manner  of  hearing  and  understand  things,  together  with 
other  matters.  I  do  not  wish  to  speak  of  them  here,  for 
they  would  be  out  of  place,  and  I  think  I  have  wandered 
from  my  subject  already :  indeed,  I  scarcely  know  what  I 
have  said.  But  it  cannot  be  otherwise,  and  your  Reverence 
must  bear  with  these  interruptions  ;  for  when  I  consider  how 
much  God  has  endured  from  me,  and  when  1  see  myself  in 
this  state,  it  will  not  be  strange  if  I  lose  the  thread  of  what 
I  say,  and  of  what  I  intend  saying. 

May  our  Lord  grant  that  all  my  wanderings  may  be  of 
this  kind ;  and  may  His  Majesty  never  permit  me  to  wander 
a  hair’s  breadth  from  Him ;  rather  may  I  be  consumed,  even 
at  this  very  moment.  It  is  sufficient  to  consider  his  great 
mercies  towards  me,  by  which  He  has  pardoned  my  base  in¬ 
gratitude,  not  once,  but  many  times.  He  pardoned  Peter 
once,  but  me  He  pardoned  often  :  and  hence,  with  reason 
did  the  devil  tempt  me,  hoping  that  I  would  not  pretend  to 


LIFE-  OF  ST.  TERESA.  173 

iiold  any  close  friendship  with  One  to  whom  I  had  been  so 
public  an  enemy.  How  great  was  this  blindness  of  mine  ! 
And  where  could  I  think,  0  my  Lord !  of  finding  any 
remedy,  but  in  Thee  ?  What  folly  was  it  to  fly  from  the 
light,  and  to  go  on  forever  stumbling  in  the  dark !  What 
an  arrogant  humility  was  it  which  the  devil  invented  for  me, 
by  persuading  me  no  longer  to  support  myself  against  that 
pillar  and  staff  which  could  prevent  my  fall  from  being  so 
great !  I  am  now  at  this  moment  blessing  myself,  for  I 
think  I  never  escaped  so  imminent  a  danger  as  this  deceit 
which  the  devil  taught  me  by  the  way  of  humility.  He 
made  me  think  it  would  be  impossible  that  so  wretched  a 
creature  as  I  am,  and  who  had  received  such  great  favors 
from  God,  should  ever  be  able  to  arrive  at  mental  prayer ; 
that  it  would  be  sufficient  if  I  said  those  vocal  prayers  to 
which  I  was  bound,  like  all  the  others  did 3  but  that  now, 
since  I  did  not  perform  even  these  prayers  well,  wrhy  should 
I  wish  to  do  more  ?  This  would  imply  little  reverence  for 
God,  and  it  would  be  undervaluing  his  favors.  It  was  pro¬ 
fitable  to  think  and  to  know  all  this  3  but  to  put  it  in  execu¬ 
tion  would  have  been  a  very  great  evil.  Be  thou  blessed, 
O  Lord !  who  didst  supply  me  with  a  remedy !  for  this 
temptation  seems  to  have  been  nothing  less  than  the  begin¬ 
ning  of  that  which  the  devil  brought  upon  Judas 3  but  the 
traitor  did  not  dare  to  attack  me  so  openly  as  he  did  Judas : 
he  approached  by  little  and  little,  just  as  he  attacked  him. 

Let  all  those  who  use  mental  prayer  consider  this  well, 
for  the  love  of  God.  Let  them  know  that  during  the  time 
I  omitted  using  it,  my  life  was  much  worse.  Behold,  what  a 
fine  remedy  the  devil  gave  me,  and  what  admirable  humility 
that  was  which  produced  in  my  soul  only  trouble  and  un¬ 
easiness  !  But  how,  indeed,  could  my  soul  find  repose  J  The 
wretched  creature  abandoned  her  true  repose  :  she  remem¬ 
bered  her  favors  and  graces,  and  she  found  that  the  plea¬ 
sures  of  this  world  were  loathsome.  I  wonder  how  I  could 
have  remained  so  long  in  this  state.  It  was  with  the  hope 
that  I  might  remain  very  free  from  sin  3  for  as  far  as  I  re¬ 
member  (though  it  is  now  more  than  twenty- one  years),  I 
was  always  resolved  to  return  to  mental  prayer.  But  oh ! 
how  ill-grounded  was  my  hope  But  though  I  afterwards 
15* 


174 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


gave  myself  to  prayer  and  reading  (which  were  capable  of 
making  me  see  the  truth,  and  of  discovering  to  me  the  evil 
course  I  was  holding),  and  though  I  often  prayed  to  our 
Lord  with  many  tears,  yet  ■  I  was  so  very  wicked  and 
wretched,  that  I  knew  not  how  to  help  myself :  and  as  more¬ 
over  I  began  to  omit  these  good  practices,  and  to  employ 
myself  in  idle  pastimes,  and  to  expose  myself  to  many  occa¬ 
sions  of  sin,  having  at  the  same  time  but  very  few  helps  (or 
rather,  I  should  say,  none  at  all),  what  else  could  I  expect 
but  to  lose  my  soul  ?  I  believe  that  a  certain  religious,  of 
the  .order  of  St.  Dominic,  a  very  learned  man,  had  much 
merit  before  God ;  for  he  it  was  who  roused  me  from  my 
lethargy.  He  made  me  (as  I  think  I  have  already  men¬ 
tioned)  receive  the  Blessed  Sacrament  every  fortnight ;  and 
my  misery  being  then  not  so  great,  I  began  to  return  to  my¬ 
self  again,  though  I  still  committed  some  offences  against 
our  Lord.  But  because  I  had  not  lost  my  way,  I  still  went 
on  falling  and  rising  by  little  and  little.  But  he  who  per¬ 
severes  in  going  forward,  will  at  length  arrive  at  the  end  of 
his  journey,  though  perhaps  late.  To  me  it  seems  one  and 
the  same  thing  for  a  soul  to  lose  her  way  and  to  leave  off 
her  prayer :  may  our  Lord  deliver  us  from  this  evil,  for  His 
mercy’s  sake. 

The  conclusion  to  be  drawn  from  what  I  have  said  (and 
I  desire  it  may  be  well  attended  to,  for  the  love  of  our 
Lord,)  is  this  :  that  though  a  soul  may  arrive  at  such  a  de¬ 
gree  as  to  induce  our  Lord  to  bestow  many  favors  upon  her 
in  prayer,  yet  she  must  not  place  any  confidence  in  herself, 
since  she  may  fall ;  nor  must  she  on  any  account  expose 
herself  to  occasions  of  sin.  Let  her  consider  this  well ;  for 
the  deceit  which  the  devil  may  employ  afterwards  is  very 
great ;  and  though  the  favors  received  might  most  certainly 
be  from  God,  yet  the  traitor  will  not  fail  to  take  advantage 
of  these  favors  in  whatever  way  he  can,  especially  against 
persons  who  are  not  strong  in  virtue  and  mortification,  nor 
entirely  disengaged  from  this  world  ;  such  should  remember, 
that  they  are  not,  by  means  of  this  prayer,  sufficiently  forti¬ 
fied  (as  I  shall  afterwards  declare,)  if  they  should  place 
themselves  in  dangerous  occasions,  however  strong  their  de¬ 
sires  and  resolutions  may  be.  This  is  excellent  doctrine ; 


175 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

and  it  is  not  mine,  but  taught  by  God  himself;  and  so  I 
shall  be  glad  if  all  ignorant  persons,  like  myself,  would 
learn  it,  because  though  a  soul  may  have  arrived  at  this  de¬ 
gree  of  prayer,  she  must  never  trust  herself  so  far  as  to  go 
forth  to  the  combat ;  she  will  do  enough  if  she  can  defend 
herself.  In  this  state  it  will  be  necessary  for  her  to  use  arms, 
to  defend  herself  against  the  devils,  for  as  yet  she  has  not 
strength  enough  to  attack  them,  and  much  less  to  tread  them 
under  her  feet,  as  those  persons  will  be  able  to  do  who  shall 
have  arrived  at  that  state  of  which  I  shall  afterwards  speak. 
This  is  a  deceit  of  the  devil,  by  which  he  imposes  upon  us, 
viz.,  that  when  once  he  sees  a  soul  has  arrived  so  near  to 
God  as  to  see  what  a  difference  there  is  between  the  joys  of 
this  life  and  the  next,  and  to  know  what  love  our  Lord  shows 
to  her,  from  this  very  love  he  makes  such  a  confidence  and 
security  to  arise,  as  if  she  would  never  fall  away  from  "what 
she  is  enjoying.  She  also  appears  to  see  her  reward  so 
clearly,  that  she  is  easily  induced  to  consider  it  impossible 
for  her  to  leave  that  which,  even  in  this  life,  is  so  pleasant 
and  delightful,  for  the  pleasures  of  this  world,  which  are  so 
base  and  insignificant.  By  this  confidence  the  devil  deprives 
her  of  that  distrust  she  ought  to  have  in  her  own  strength  ; 
and  thus  (as  I  was  saying)  she  exposes  herself  to  danger, 
and  begins  with  great  zeal  to  give  away  to  others,  without 
any  rule  or  measure,  the  fruit  of  her  garden,  thinking  she 
has  no  longer  any  reason  to  be  afraid  of  herself.  And  she 
imagines  this  is  not  done  through  pride  (for  the  soul  knows 
well ,she  can  do  nothing  of  herself)  but  through  the  great 
confidence  she  has  in  God.  But  all  this  is  done  without 
discretion,  because  she  does  not  consider  that  she  has  as  yet 
hardly  any  feathers :  she  may  indeed  get  out  of  the  nest, 
and  God  himself  takes  her  out;  but  she  cannot  fly,  because 
her  virtues  are  not  yet  strong  enough  ;  neither  has  she  suffi¬ 
cient  experience  to  know  her  dangers,  nor  is  she  aware  of  the 
evil  which  arises  from  putting  confidence  in  herself. 

This  is  what  ruined  me ;  and  hence  a  director  and  con¬ 
versation  with  spiritual  persons  are  very  necessary  for  this 
and  other  objects.  I  am  fully  persuaded  that  when  God  once 
brings  a  soul  to  this  state,  He  will  continue  to  caress  her, 
and  not  suffer  her  to  perish,  if  she  do  not  entirely  forsake 


176 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Him.  But  if  she  should  fall,  let  her  consider,  and  consider 
again,  for  the  love  of  God,  lest  the  devil  should  deceive  her, 
by  inducing  her  to  omit  mental  prayer,  as  he  induced  me' 
under  a  false  humility  :  this  I  have  already  mentioned,  and 
I  wish  to  mention  it  very  often.  But  let  her  trust  in  the 
goodness  of  God,  which  is  greater  than  all  the  sins  we  can 
commit ;  and  let  her  hope  that  He  will  not  remember  our  in¬ 
gratitude,  when  knowing  ourselves  we  wish  to  return  to  His 
friendship  again,  nor  the  favors  He  has  bestowed  upon  us, 
so  as  to  make  us  be  punished  for  them  ;  but  that  rather  they 
will  obtain  pardon  for  us  so  much  the  sooner,  as  for  persons 
who  have  belonged  to  His  house,  and  have  eaten  of  His 
bread,  as  the  saying  is,  let  them  remember  His  words,  and 
consider  how  He  has  proceeded  with  me  ;  for  I  grew  tired 
with  offending  His  Majesty,  before  He  grew  tired  with  par¬ 
doning  me.  Never  does  he  grow  weary  in  giving ;  never 
can  His  mercies  be  dried  up  ;  and  so  let  us  never  grow  weary 
of  receiving  His  favors.  May  He  be  blessed  forever,  Amen. 
May  all  creatures  praise  Him. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

THE  SAINT  TREATS  OP  THE  DIFFERENCE  WHICH  EXISTS  BETWEEN 

UNION  AND  RAPTURE,  ETC. 

I  should  be  glad  to  know  how  to  explain,  by  the  Divine 
assistance,  the  difference  there  is  between  union  and  rapture, 
or,  as  it  is  called,  elevation  of  the  soul,  for  these  mean  one 
and  the  same  thing.  It  is  also  called  an  “  Ecstasy  :”  the 
names  are  different,  but  they  signify  one  and  the  same  thing. 
The  advantage  arising  from  “  Rapture”  is  very  great.  The 
effects,  likewise,  as  well  as  many  other  operations. which  it 
produces,  are  much  greater,  for  u  Union”  seems  to  be  the 
same  both  in  the  beginning,  in  the  middle,  and  in  the  end, 
and  it  takes  place  in  the  interior. 

But  as  a  <£  Rapture”  is  an  elevation  of  the  soul  in  a  much 
higher  degree,  it  produces  effects  both  interior  and  exterior. 
May  our  Lord  enable  me  to  explain  this  part  of  the  subject, 
as  He  has  assisted  me  in  the  rest;  for,  certainly,  if  His 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  177 

Majesty  had  not  made  me  understand,  by  what  means  and 
in  what  manner  it  might  be  done,  I  should  not  have  been 
able  to  say  anything. 

Let  us  now  consider  that  this  last  water  (of  which  I  have 
been  speaking)  is  so  very  plentiful  and  abundant,  that  if  we 
were  capable  of  receiving  it,  we  should  believe  the  cloud  of 
that  divine  Majesty  were  with  us,  which  wraters  our  souls 
here  upon  earth.  And  thus,  when  we  are  grateful  to  our 
Lord  for  this  great  blessing,  and  acknowledge  our  gratitude 
by  our  good  works,  according  to  our  strength,  our  Lord 
al  tracts  that  soul,  just  in  the  same  way  as  the  clouds  at¬ 
tract  the  vapors  from  the  earth,  and  mount  up  towards 
heaven  :  and  so  He  takes  the  soul  along  with  Him  himself, 
and  begins  to  show  her  the  riches  of  that  kingdom  which  He 
has  prepared  for  her.  I  know  not  if  the  comparison  be  just 
and  suitable,  but  this  happens  truly  and  really.  In  these 
raptures,  it  seems  as  if  the  soul  did  not  animate  the  body :  it 
feels  very  sensibly  the  want  of  natural  heat,  and  becomes 
cold,  though  possessing  the  greatest  sweetness  and  delight. 

Here  there  is  no  means  of  resisting,  though  in  “  Union” 
(being  then  in  our  own  country)  there  is  a  remedy ;  and  so 
we  may  almost  always  resist,  though  not  without  pain  and 
using  some  violence.  But  here,  for  the  most  part,  there  is 
no  remedy  at  all ;  for  very  often  the  rapture  happens  with¬ 
out  our  thinking  of  it,  or  employing  any  means  of  bringing 
it  on  :  and  then  there  comes  such  a  quick  and  strong  im¬ 
petuosity,  that  you  see  and  feel  this  cloud  raising  itself  up, 
or  rather,  this  strong  eagle  carries  you  away  between  her 
wings  (and  this  is  understood),  for  you  know  you  are  carried 
away,  though  you  know  not  whither,  because  though  you 
may  feel  delight,  yet  so  great  is  the  weakness  of  our  nature 
•  that  it  makes  us  fear  at  first.  Hence  it  will  be  necessary 
for  the  soul  to  be  much  more  determined  and  courageous 
than  she  was  when  in  the  degree  of  union,  in  order  to  be 
able  to  hazard  everything,  and  to  abandon  herself  entirely 
into  the  hands  of  God,  and  willingly  to  go  wheresoever  she 
shall  be  carried,  though  they  will  take  her  wdiether  willing 
•  or  no.  Sometimes  the  rapture  wras  so  great  that  very,  very 
often  I  wished  to  resist,  and  employed  all  my  strength  for 
this  object  (especially  when  the  raptures  happened  in  public, 


2  ZZEanJam  -»• 


— 


178  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

and  many  other  times  also  when  they  were  private),  fearing 
lest  I  might  be  deluded.  Sometimes  I  was  able  to  make  a 
slight  resistance,  but  it  cost  me  great  trouble  ;  for  it  seemed 
like  one  fighting  with  a  strong  giant,  so  that  afterwards  I 
found  myself  very  tired:  but  at  other  times  it  was  in. pos¬ 
sible  to  resist,  for  my  soul  was  carried  quite  away ;  and 
generally  even  my  head,  and  sometimes  my  whole  body,  were 
raised  from  the  ground.  This  last  happened  but  seldom  :  it 
happened  once,  however,  when  we  were  altogether  in  the 
choir,  and  when  I  was  on  my  knees  (being  then  about  to  re¬ 
ceive  the  Blessed  Sacrament).  I  wTas  exceedingly  troubled 
thereat ;  and  as  it  seemed  to  me  to  be  a  very  extraordinary 
circumstance,  and  that  great  notice  might  be  immediately 
taken  of  it,  I  commanded  the  nuns  not  to  speak  of  it ;  and 
this  I  did  because  I  then  held  the  office  of  prioress.  But,  at 
other  times,  when  I  began  to  see  that  our  Lord  was  about  to 
do  the  same  again  (once  in  particular,  during  a  sermon,  be¬ 
ing  the  feast  of  our  patron,  and  in  the  presence  of  many 
ladies  of  quality),  I  cast  myself  on  the  ground :  and  though 
the  Religious  came  and  kept  my  body  down,  yet  the  rapture 
was  easily  perceived.  I  accordingly  besought  our  Lord  that 
He  would  no  more  grant  me  such  favors  as  would  bear  ex¬ 
terior  demonstrations,  because  I  was  already  very  weary  by 
being  so  watchful  over  myself,  and  His  Majesty  could  not 
bestow  such  favors  upon  me  without  their  being  known.  And 
it  seems  that,  through  His  goodness,  He  has  heard  my  prayer, 
for  since  that  time  1  have  had  no  raptures  of  the  kind,  though 
it  is  not  long  since  the  last  happened. 

But  when  I  wished  to  resist,  there  seemed  to  be  some¬ 
thing  under  my  feet  of  such  great  strength,  that  1  know  not 
what  to  compare  it  to  *,  and  it  came  with  much  greater  im¬ 
petuosity  than  any  other  thing  which  I  ever  experienced  in 
my  soul :  hence  I  was  torn,  as  it  were,  to  pieces,  because 
the  combat  was  terrible.  In  a  word,  all  my  resistance  w7as 
of  little  use,  because  -when  our  Lord  wishes  to  do  anything, 
no  power  can  stand  against  Him.  At  other  times  He  is 
pleased  to  content  Himself  with  letting  us  see  that  He  de¬ 
sires  to  do  us  this  favor,  and  that  it  Only  remains  for  us  to 
receive  it  from  His  Majesty ;  and  when  we  resist  for  the 
sake  of  humility,  the  same  effects  follow,  as  if  we  had  eu- 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


179 


tirely  consented.  These  effects  are  very  great:  first,  the 
great  power  of  our  Lord  is  made  manifest  thereby  • 
second,  that  when  His  Majesty  wishes,  we  are  as  little  able 
to  detain  our  bodies  as  our  souls ;  that  we  are  not  masteis 
of  them,  but  that  there  is  a  Superior  by  whom  all  these 
favors  are  given ;  and  that,  being  nothing  ourselves,  we  can 
do  nothing.  These  considerations  fill  us  with  deep  humility  . 
arid  I  acknowledge  that  these  raptures  excited  in  me  great 
fear :  and  at  the  beginning  I  was  extremely  terrified  to  see 
a  body  raised  from  the  earth  ;  for  though  it  is.  the  spirit 
which  draws  it  after  her,  and  this  with  great  feelings  of  de¬ 
light  if  no  resistance  be  made,  yet  we  do  not  lose  our  senses ; 
at  least,  I  had  mine  in  such  a  manner  that  I  was  able  to  un¬ 
derstand  I  had  been  raised  up.  There  also  appears  so  great 
a  majesty  in  Him  who  can  do  this,  that  it  makes  even  the 
hair  of  one’s  head  stand  on  end  ;  and  there  remains  a  great 
fear  of  offending  so  mighty  a  Grod  :  this  fear,  however,  is 
accompanied  by  an  exceeding  great  love,  which  the  soul  con¬ 
ceives  again  for  Him,  who  she  sees  bears  so  deep  a  love  for 
such  a  wretched  worm  ;  for  He  seems  not  content  with  really 
drawing  the  soul  to  Himself,  but  He  wishes  to  draw  the  body 
also,  even  when  it  is  mortal  and  composed  of  such  filthy 
dust  as  we  have  made  it  by  our  sins.  This  also  leaves  in 
the  soul  a  particular  disengagement  from  all  things  in  the 
world,  but  I  cannot  explain  what  it  is.  I  think,  however,  I 
may  say,  that  it  is  not  only  in  some  degree  a  different,  but 
also  a  much  greater  kind  of  favor,  than  any  of  those  other 
things  which  act  on  the  soul  alone  ;  for  though  in  those 
other  visitations,  there  is  also,  as  far  as  relates  to  the  soul, 
a  total  disengagement  from  the  things  of  this  world,  yet 
here,  it  seems,  our  Lord  is  pleased,  that  even  the  body  itself 
should  act  in  the  same  manner  :  it  likewise  excites  such  a  new 
aversion  for  the  pleasures  of  this  life,  that  it  makes  life  itself 
much  more  painful  to  us.  It  afterwards  gives  another  pain, 
which  we  can  neither  procure  when  we  have  it  not,  nor  free 
ourselves  from  when  we  have  it.  I  should  be  very  glad  to 
be  able  to  make  this  “  great  pain”  understood,  but  I  think  I 
shall  not  be  able;  still,  I  will  say  something,  if  I  can. 

I  must  remark,  that  these  things  now  happen  at  the  very 
last,  after  all  those  visions  and  revelations  whereof  I  shall 


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LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


write,  and  during  the  time  when  I  am  in  prayer,  when  our 
Lord  is  accustomed  to  give  me  very  great  sweetness  and 
caresses ;  and  though  I  sometimes  continue  to  experience 
the  same  sweetness,  yet  the  pain  of  which  I  shall  now  speak 
comes  upon  me  much  more  frequently.  It  is  sometimes  less 
and  sometimes  greater.  I  now  wish  to  speak  of  the  greater, 
because  though  I  shall  treat  hereafter  of  those  great  im¬ 
petuosities  which  I  experienced  when  our  Lord  was  pleased 
to  give  me  those  raptures ;  yet,  in  my  opiuion,  there  was  as 
little  resemblance  between  them,  as  there  is  between  things 
spiritual  and  corporal.  1  believe  I  do  not  at  all  exaggerate 
the  matter,  because  this  pain  seems  to  be  such,  that  though 
the  soul  feels  it,  yet  she  feels  it  together  with  the  body,  and 
so  both  of  them  share  in  it ;  but  she  feels  net  that  extremity 
of  abandonment  which  this  pain  causes,  and  in  which  (as  I 
have  already  mentioned)  we  have  no  part  ourselves.  But 
there  often  comes  unexpectedly  a  kind  of  transport,  the  cause 
of  which  I  know  not;  and  this  transport,  which  penetrates 
the  whole  soul  in  an  instant,  begins  to  agitate  the  soul  to 
such  a  degree,  that  she  rises  above  herself  and  all  created 
things ;  and  God  makes  her  so  disgusted  with  them,  that 
however  much  she  may  strive,  she  cannot  find  on  earth  any 
creature  for  a  companion  :  and  even  if  she  could,  she  would 
prefer  to  die  in  that  solitude.  If  people  speak  to  her,  or  if 
she  employed  all  the  power  which  she  could  possibly  possess, 
in  speaking  to  others,  it  would  be  of  little  use,  for  her  spirit 
(however  much  she  may  strive)  is  still  attached  to  that  soli¬ 
tude.  And  though  it  seems  to  me,  as  if  God  were  there  at 
a  very  great  distance  from  her,  yet  at  times  He  communi¬ 
cates  His  greatness  to  her,  in  a  manner  the  most  extraordi¬ 
nary  that  can  be  imagined  or  expressed ;  and  I  think  that 
he  only  can  believe  or  understand  it  who  has  experienced  it 
himself ;  for  it  is  no  communication  to  give  comfort,  but  only 
to  show  the  reason  which  he  has  to  be  afflicted,  on  account 
of  being  absent  from  that  good  which  comprehends  all  good. 

By  means  .of  this  communication,  the  desire  increases  of 
remaining  in  that  extreme  solitude  in  which  the  soul  finds 
herself,  together  with  a  pain  which  is  so  very  acute  and 
penetrating,  that  she  may  then,  I  think  (being  placed  in  this 
desert),  literally  make  use  of  these  words  :  “  I  have  watched, 


181 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

and  become  as  a  sparrow  all  alone  on  the  house-top.”  These 
words  the  royal  prophet,  perhaps,  spoke  when  he  was  in  the 
same  solitude  ;  but  being  a  saint,  our  Lord  made  him  feel 
them  in  a  more  sensible  manner.  This  verse  comes  into  my 
mind,  because  it  seems  as  if  I  see  myself  in  it  5  and  I  am 
consoled  in  seeing  that  other  persons  also  have  found  them¬ 
selves  in  such  great  solitude,  and  the  greatest  saints  more 
than  any  one  else.  And  thus  it  appears  that  the  soul  in 
this  state  is  raised,  not  only  above  all  created  things,  but 
even  above  herself. 

At  other  times,  the  soul  seems  to  find  herself  in  the  very 
extremity  of  misery,  asking  herself  this  question  :  “  Where 
is  thy  God  ?  ”  I  must  remark,  that  I  did  not  under¬ 
stand  the  meaning  of  these  words  in  the  Psalms ;  but 
after  they  were  explained  to  me,  I  was  much  comforted  in 
seeing  that  our  Lord  brought  them  to  my  memory,  without 
any  endeavor  on  my  part.  At  other  times,  I  remembered 
the  words  of  St.  Paul,  “  tha:  he  was  crucified  to  the  world.” 
I  say  not  that  I  was  crucified,  for  I  see  clearly  I  am  not  ; 
but.it  seems  to  me,  that  the  soul  in,  this  case,  is  as  it  were, 
crucified,  and  suspended  between  earth  and  heaven ;  and 
hence  no  comfort  comes  from  heaven,  because  she  is  not 
there,  nor  from  the  earth,  because  she  is  no  longer  upon  it ; 
and  she  suffers  all  the  time,  without  receiving  any  succor 
from  either  place.  That  which  does  come  to  her  from  heaven, 
is  so  great  a  knowledge  of  God,  that  she  loses  herself  in  the 
contemplation  of  His  infinite  greatness ;  and  this  knowledge 
increases  rather  than  diminishes  her  pain,  because  her  desire 
of  possessing  Him  increases  in  such  a  manner,  that,  in  my 
opinion,  the  excessive  pain  sometimes  takes  away  her  senses  ; 
but  she  remains  without  them  only  a  little  while.  This  state 
seems  to  be  the  very  agony  of  death  itself ;  and  yet  it  is 
accompanied  with  such  a  great  pleasure  and  content  in  suffer¬ 
ing,  that  I  know  not  what  to  compare  it  to.  It  is  a  sharp 
and  yet  a  delightful  kind  of  martydom,  since  everything 
relating  to  this  world  which  can  possibly  be  represented  to 
the  soul,  even  though  it  were  the  most  delightful  object,  is 
on  no  account  admitted,  but  rather  it  is  immediately  cast 
away  from  her.  She  understands  well,  that  she  cares  for 
nothing  but  for  her  God;  and  yet  she  loves  in  Him  no 
16 


182 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


particular  perfection,  but  all  His  perfections  together ;  still, 
she  knows  not  what  she  wishes  or  desires.  I  say ,  she  knows 
not,  because  her  imagination  represents  nothing  to  her ;  and 
during  all  the  time  she  remains  in  this  state,  the  powers  of 
the  soul  do  not  (in  my  opinion)  produce  that  joy  which  is 
felt  in  union  and  rapture  \  the  pain  entirely  suspends  them. 

Oh!  that  I  were  able  to  make  your  Reverence  under¬ 
stand  what  I  have  been  saying,  even  were  it  only  for  the 
object  of  your  telling  me  what  the  state  is  in  which  the 
soul  finds  herself,  for  this  is  the  condition  in  which  my  soul 
generally  remains.  When  she  is  not  occupied,  she  then  falls 
into  these  agonies  of  death  ;  and  she  is  afraid  when  she  sees 
them  begin,  lest  she  might  die  under  them.  But  yet  when 
once  begun,  she  would  be  glad  to  remain  in  this  suffering 
state  during  all  the  time  of  her  life,  though  the  pain  is  so 
very  excessive  that  the  person  is  scarce  able  to  enduie  it. 
Sometimes  I  am  almost  without  any  pulse  at  all  (as  my  sisters 
tell  me  when  they  come  to  see  whut  is  the  matter,  for  now 
they  understand  a  little  more  about  me),  and  the  bones  of 
my  very  arms  are  quite  exposed,  and  my  hands  becomq  so 
stiff  that  sometimes  1  cannot  close  them ;  and  thus  the 
pain  remains  in  my  wrists  till  the  next  day,  and  in.  my 
whole  body  also  in  such  a  manner,  that  it  seems  as  if  I 
had  been  disjointed.  Sometimes  I  think,  if  I  continue  in 
this  state,  that  our  Lord  will  be  pleased  to  end  it  by  my  life 
coming  to  an  end  ;  for,  in  my  opinion,  so  great  suffering  is 
sufficient  for  this  object,  except  only  that  I  do  not  deserve 
such  a  happiness.  All  my  desire  then  is  to  die :  I  neither 
remember  purgatory,  nor  those  great  sins  X  have  committed, 
for  which  I  deserve  hell ;  all  is  forgotten  through  my  desire 
of  seeing  God,  and  the  desert  and  solitude  then  appear  to  me 
far  sweeter  than  all  the  society  of  the  whole  world.  If  any¬ 
thing  could  give  her  comfort,  it  would  be  to  converse  with 
some  one  who  had  experienced  this  same  torment ;  for  now, 
though  she  complains  thereof,  no  one  it  seems  will  believe  her. 

The  extremity  of  this  pain  also  contributes  to  her  torment, 
since  she  neither  wishes  for  solitude  as  others  do,  nor  for 
any  company,  except  for  those  persons  to  whom  she  might 
be  able  to  complain.  It  is  with  her  as  with  one  who  has  a 
halter  about  his  neck  ;  and  who,  while  he  is  strangling, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Isa 


Endeavors  to  take  his  breath  ;  and  thus  does  this  desire  for 
company  seem  to  me  to  be  the  effect  of  our  natural  weakness. 
And  as  this  pain  puts  us  in  danger  of  death  (that  such  is  the 
effect  is  certain,  for  sometimes  I  have  seen  myself  in  this 
danger,  through  my  great  infirmities  and  other  occasions 
-  which  I  have  mentioned ;  and  I  think  I  may  say  that  this 
danger  is  as  great  as  all  the  rest);  so  the  desire  which  both 
body  and  soul  have  not  to  he  separated,  is  that  which  asks 
the  help  of  taking  breath  ;  and,  by  expressing  the  desire,  and 
complaining,  and  diverting  itself,  it  seeks  for  some  means  of 
living,  though  much  against  the  will  of  the  spirit,  or  of  the 
superior  part  of  the  soul,  wThich  does  not  wish  to  be  free  from 
this  pain. 

I  know  not  if  I  am  correct  in  what  I  say,  or  if  I  know 
how  to  speak ;  hut  to  the  best  of  my  judgment,  this  is  the 
state  of  the  soul.  Your  Reverence  may  now  see  what  kind 
of  ease  I  can  enjoy  in  this  life,  since  that  which  I  used  to 
find  in  prayer  and  solitude  (for  therein  our  Lord  consoled  me 
much)  is  now  changed  into  this  torment;  and  yet  it  is  so 
delicious,  and  the  soul  sees  it  to  be  of  such  value,  that  she 
now  delights  in  it  more  than  in  all  those  other  caresses  she 
used  to  enjoy.  It  seems  to  her  more  secure,  because  it  is 
the  way  of  the  cross,  and  it  possesses  in  itself  a  pleasure  of 
great  value  also,  in  my  opinion  ;  because  she  allows  the  body 
nothing  but  pain,  and  the  soul  is  that  which  suffers,  and  w’hich 
alone  feels  the  joy  and  content  which  this  suffering  gives  her. 
I  know  not  how  all  this  can  be,  but  yet  it  is  so  ;  and  I  would 
not  change  this  favor  which  our  Lord  bestows  upon  me  (which 
comes  from  His  hand,  as  I  have  said,  and  is  in  no  way 
acquired  by  me,  because  it  is  entirely  supernatural),  for  all 
those  others  which  I  shall  afterwards  speak  of :  I  say  not, 
for  all  of  them  together,  but  for  any  one  of  them  taken 
separately.  With  regard  to  these  impetuosities,  it  must  he 
remembered  that  they  happened  after  those  favors  which  our 
Lord  first  bestowed  upon  me,  and  also  after  all  that  whereof 
I  shall  make  mention  in  this  book,  and  likewise  after  having 
received  that  favor  which  our  Lord  now  gives  me.  As  I  was 
in  some  fear  at  the  beginning  (and  this  happens  almost  always 
when  our  Lord  does  me  any  favor,  until,  as  I  proceed,  I 
receive  some  security  from  His  Majesty),  He  told  me  “not  to 


184 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


fear,”  but  to  esteem  this  favor  greater  than  all  the  others  He 
had  bestowed  upon  me,  because  the  soul  was  purified  by  this 
pain,  and  was  burnished  and  refined,  as  gold  was  in  the 
crucible,  that  so  she  might  be  better  prepared  for  receiving 
the  enamels  of  His  gifts;  and  that  being  purified  here,  she 
might  have  the  less  to  sutler  in  purgatory.  I  knew  well  that 
this  was  a  great  favor ;  but  after  this  1  enjoyed  much  more 
security,  and  my  confessor  also  tells  me  that  it  is  good.  And 
though  I  was  formerly  afraid,  yet,  because  I  am  so  wicked, 

I  could  never  believe  it  was  bad  ;  but  rather,  the  very  great¬ 
ness  of  the  benefit  gave  me  a  certain  fear,  when  I  remembered 
how  far  I  was  from  deserving  it.  Blessed  be  the  Lord  who 
is  so  good.  Amen. 

I  think  I  have  wandered  from  my  subject,  for  I  began  by 
speaking  of  raptures ;  but  what  I  have  just  been  speaking 
of  is  much  greater  than  raptures,  and  so  it  leaves  those 
effects  in  the  soul,  which  I  have  been  relating.  I  will  now 
speak  of  these  raptures,  and  of  that  which  usually  happens 
therein.  I  wish  to  mention  then,  how  the  rapture  often  left 
my  body  so  light,  that  all  the  weight  thereof  was  quite  taken 
away,  and  sometimes  to  such  a  degree,  that  I  hardly  knew 
how  to  set  my  feet  on  the  ground.  But  when  the  soul 
is  in  a  rapture,  the  body  remains  as  it  were  dead,  being 
often  unable  to  do  anything  at  all  of  herself;  and  as  it 
happens  to  be  at  the  time,  so  it  remains,  whether  it  be  in  a 
sitting  posture,  or  whether  the  hands  be  opened  or  closed  ; 
for  though  she  loses  her  senses  a  few  times  (and  the  same 
has  happened  to  me  now  and  then),  yet  they  have  been  seldom 
entirely  lost,  and  then  only  for  a  short  time.  The  usual 
effect  is,  that  she  is  disturbed  a  little;  and  though  she 
can  do  nothing  of  herself,  as  far  as  regards  the  exterior, 
yet,  she  is  able  both  to  understand  and  to  hear,  as  if  some¬ 
thing  were  spoken  to  her  from  afar  off.  I  say  not  that  she 
understands  and  hears  when  she  is  in  the  very  height  of  her 
rapture  (  I  use  the  words,  “  the  very  height”),  at  that  time 
when  the  faculties  are  lost,  because  they  are  very  closely 
united  with  God  ;  and  then,  in  my  opinion,  she  neither  sees 
nor  hears.  But,  as  I  mentioned  in  the  former  prayer  of 
Union,  this  total  transformation  of  the  soul  into  God  continues 
only  for  a  short  time  ;  but,  as  long  as  it  lasts,  no  power  of 


185 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

the  soul  either  feels  or  knows  what  passes  there.  And  it 
seems  to  be  for  this  object,  that  as  long  as  we  live  in  this 
world,  it  is  not  God’s  will  we  should  understand  what  passes 
there,  because  we  are  not  capable  of  understanding  it :  at 
least,  I  myself  have  experienced  this. 

But  your  Reverence  will  perhaps  ask  me,  how  is  it  that 
raptures  should  sometimes  last  so  many  hours'?  I  answer, 
that  what  happened  to  m£  very  often  (as  I  have  mentioned 
in  the  former  prayer)  is  this  :  that  we  enjoy  raptures  only 
by  intervals,  and  the  soul  often  engulfs  herself,  or  rather 
(to  speak  more  correctly)  our  Lord  engulfs  the  soul  in 
Himself ;  and  as  He  keeps  her  there  for  awhile,  there 
remains  only  her  will  which  she  can  make  use  of.  As  to 
the  exercise  of  those  other  two  powers,  it  seems  to  me  to  be 
like  that  of  a  needle  on  a  sun-dial,  wThich  never  stands  still ; 
but  yet  when  the  Sun  of  Justice  wishes,  He  makes  them  stop. 
This,  I  say,  lasts  but  for  a  short  time.  As,  however,  the 
impulse  and  exaltation  of  the  spirit  were  great,  the  will 
remains  engulfed,  and  acts  like  a  sovereign  lady  over  all  the 
operations  of  the  body,  because  those  other  two  restless 
powers  wish  to  disturb  her  :  the  senses,  however,  do  not 
disturb  her.  And  thus  they  also  are  suspended,  because 
our  Lord  is  so  pleased.  ’  The  eyes,  too,  are  mostly  shut, 
though  we  may  not  wish  to  shut  them :  and  if  sometimes 
they  be  open,  yet,  as  I  have  already  mentioned,  the  soul 
does  not  consider  nor  advert  to  what  she  sees. 

The  body  is  now  much  less  able  to  do  anything  of  herself ; 
and  even  after  the  three  powers  have  been  united,  it  can  do 
but  little.  Let  him,  therefore,  to  whom  our  Lord  shall  grant 
this  favor,  not  be  astonished  when  he  sees  the  body  so  weak 
for  many  hours,  and  his  memory  and  understanding  some¬ 
times  so  apt  to  wander.  True  it  is,  that  souls  are  ordinarily, 
in  this  state,  drowned  in  the  praises  of  God,  and  in  desiring 
to  comprehend  or  understand  what  has  taken  place  in  them  ; 
and  even  for  this  object  they  are  not  wholly  awake,  but  like 
a  person  who  has  slept  and  dreamt  a  great  deal,  and  is  not 
yet  quite  awake.  I  have  thus  explained  myself  at  some 
length,  because  I  know  there  are  persons  at  this  time,  and 
even  in  this  place,  on  whom  our  Lord  has  bestowed  these 
favors ;  and  if  those  who  direct  these  religious  have  not  ex- 
'  1G* 


186 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


perience  in  these  matters,  they  will  perhaps  think,  especially 
if  they  be  not  learned,  that  in  these  raptures  the  persons  are 
as  it  were  dead.  It  is  a  subject  of  grief  to  consider  how 
much  otae  suffers  from  such  confessors,  who  do  not  understand 
these  matters,  as  I  shall  afterwards  mention.  Perhaps  I 
know  not  what  I  say  ;  but  your  Reverence  will  understand  if 
I  should  say  anything  to  the  purpose,  since  our  Lord  has 
already  given  you  experience  herein  ;  though  as  it  is  not  long 
since  you  began,  you  may  not  perhaps  have  considered  the 
subject  so  much  as  I  have.  But  though  I  endeavored  to  do 
so  very  often,  and  to  the  best  of  my  power,  yet  the  body  has 
not  strength  enough  to  stir  itself,  for  the  soul  takes  all  its 
strength  away  with  her.  Thus  a  sick  person  often  recovers 
his  health,  and  she  who  was  full  of  weakness  and  pain  regains 
her  strength,  because  great  favors  are  given  in  this  state. 
And  sometimes  (as  I  was  saying)  our  Lord  is  pleased  that  the 
body  also  should  experience  a  certain  degree  of  joy,  because 
it  obeys  what  the  soul  desires.  When  she  has  returned  to 
herself,  it  may  happen  (if  the  rapture  has  been  great),  that 
she  will  go  for  a  day  or  two,  or  even  for  three  days,  with  the 
powers  so  absorbed,  and  as  it  were  engulfed  in  God,  that  she 
seems  out  of  herself. 

But  in  this  state  she  feels  it  painful  to  be  still  obliged  to 
live  in  the  world ;  for  now,  having  lost  her  weak  feathers, 
others  have  come  strong  enough  to  enable  her  to  fly  well : 
now  the  banner  of  Christ  is  so  directly  unfurled,  that  there 
seems  to  remain  nothing  more  but  that  the  captain  of  this 
fort  may  either  ascend  himself,  or  be  carried  up  to  the  highest 
tower,  there  to  plant  this  standard  for  the  glory  of  God 
She  now  looks  upon  those  who  are  below  as  one  who  is 
already  in  safety ;  for  so  far  is  she  from  fearing  danger,  that 
she  rather  wishes  it,  like  one  for  whom  victory  is  secured  in 
a  most  certain  manner.  Now  she  sees  very  clearly  how  little 
all  wordly  things  ought  to  be  esteemed,  and  what  a  “  nothing” 
they  are.  He  who  is  in  a  high  place  sees  many  things.  Now 
she  does  not  wish  to  have  any  other  will  but  the  v  ill  of  our 
Lord,  and  she  gives  Him  the  keys  of  hers.  From  being  a 
gardener,  she  has  now  become  a  governor  ;  she  wishes  to  do 
nothing  but  the  will  of  God,  nor  does  she  desire  to  be  the 
governor  of  herself,  nor  indeed'  of  anything,  not  even  of  a 


1ST 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

single  well  in  this  garden  :  and  if  there  he  anything  good  in 
it,  she  wishes  His  Majesty  to  divide  the  fruits  thereof:  for, 
from  that  time  forward,  she  desires  nothing  of  her  ©wn,  but 
only  that  all  things  may  be  done  in  conformity  with  His  will 
and  for  His  glory.  Everything  happens  in  this  way  truly 
and  really,  if  the'  raptures  be  real,  and  the  soul  enjoys  the 
effects  and  advantages  which  I  have  mentioned.  But  if  such 
are  not  the  effects,  I  should  doubt  much  whether  the  raptures 
come  from  God,  but  should  rather  be  inclined  to  fear  they 
were  of  that  kind  of  ravings  whereof  St.  Vincent  speaks. 
This  I  know,  and  through  experience  I  have  seen  that  here 
the  soul  remains  a  queen  over  all  things,  and  acquires  in  less 
than  an  hour  so  much  liberty,  that  she  is  not  able  to  know 
herself.  But  yet  she  knows  well  all  this  is  not  her  own  ;  nor 
does  she  know  how  she  came  to  obtain  so  great  a  blessing  : 
still  she  understands  clearly  the  exceeding  great  advantage 
which  every  one  of  these  raptures  brings  with  it.  No  one  can 
believe  all  this  but  he  who  has  experienced  it  himself ;  and 
therefore  men  cannot  believe  that  a  poor  soul,  which  they 
knew  was  before  so  wicked,  can  so  soon  undertake  to  do  such 
wonderful  things,  because  she  immediately  resolves  not  to  be 
content  with  serving  onr  Lord  in  small  things,  but  to  serve 
Him  in  most  difficult  matters  also.  But  men  are  apt  to 
imagine  that  such  resolutions  are  only  tentptations  and  fool¬ 
ishness.  But  if  they  would  consider  that  they  come  not  from 
herself,  but  from  our  Lord,  to  whom  she  has  already  given 
up  the  keys  of  her  will,  they  would  not  wonder  so  much  at 
it.  I  am  of  opinion,  that  a  soul  which  arrives  at  this  state 
neither  says  nor  does  anything  of  herself,  but  this  Sovereign 
King  takes  care  of  everything  which  is  to  be  done.  O  my 
God  !  how  clearly  does  a  soul  see  here  the  meaning  of  that 
verse,  “Who  will  give  me  the  wings  of  a  'dove?”  The 
prophet  David  had  reason  to  make  this  request,  and  so  have 
we  all.  That  “  flight”  is  clearly  meant  which  the  soul  takes, 
in  order  to  raise  herself  above  all  creatures,  and  before  all 
things  above  herself:  but  this  “flight”  is  sweet;  it  is  a 
pleasant  flight,  and  a  flight  without  noise.  What  dominion 
docs  such  a  soul  possess  which  our  Lord  conducts  to  this 
degree,  that  she  looks  down  upon  all  things  without  being 
entangled  by  them !  How  full  of  confusion  is  she  for  the 


188 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


time  in  which  she  was  entangled  by  them  !  How  astonished 
at  her  blindness !  How  full  of  compassion  for  those  who  still 
remain  in  this  blindness,  especially  if  they  be  people  of 
prayer,  and  such  as  God  is  pleased  to  caress !  She  desires 
to  cry  aloud,  that  so  all  may  understand  how  much  they  have 
been  deceived,  and  this  she  does  sometimes ;  and  then  men 
pour  down  upon  her  head  a  thousand  persecutions ;  they 
treat  her  as  having  but  little  humility,  and  as  one  who  wishes 
to  teach  those  from  whom  she  ought  rather  to  learn,  especially 
if  she  be  a  woman,  then  they  condemn  her  ;  and  perhaps 
they  have  reason  for  so  doing,  because  they  know  not  by 
what  impulse  she  is  moved.  And  as  she  knows  not  how  to 
help  herself  on  the  one  hand,  so  on  the  other  she  cannot 
forbear  undeceiving  those  persons  whom  she  loves,  and  whom 
she  desires  to  behold  free  from  the  prison  of  this  life,  for  the 
state  wherein  she  was  seems  neither  more  nor  less  than  a 
prison. 

She  is  much  afflicted  at  the  thought  of  that  time  in  which 
she  attended  to  points  of  honor ;  and  for  the  error  and  de¬ 
ceit  into  which  she  fell,  by  believing  that  to  be  honor  which 
the  world  calls  honor.  She  sees  that  it  is  a  very  gross  lie, 
and  that  all  men  live  in  the  practice  of  it.  But  now  she  un¬ 
derstands  that  real  honor  is  not  false,  but  true ;  and  she 
esteems  that  to  be  worth  something  which  indeed  is  so,  and 
considers  that  to  be  nothing  which  is  in  reality  so ;  since  all 
is  nothing,  and  less  than  nothing,  which  will  one  day  have 
an  end,  and  because  it  does  not  please  God.  She  laughs  at 
herself  for  the  time  in  which  she  made  any  account  of  mo¬ 
ney,  and  had  a  desire  for  it :  though  in  this  particular  I  do 
not  believe  (and  this  is  the  truth)  that  I  ever  had  any  fault 
to  confess  ;  but  it  would  have  been  a  fault  to  have  esteemed 
or  desired  money  in  any  way.  If  by  means  of  it  I  could 
have  purchased  those  blessings  which  I  now  see  in  myself,  I 
might  have  valued  it  very  much ;  but  the  soul  now  perceives 
that  such  blessings  are  purchased  best  by  leaving  all  things. 
And  what  is  that  which  can  be  purchased  by  this  money, 
which  men  so  much  desire  ?  Is  it  anything  of  value  1  Any¬ 
thing  durable  ?  And  for  what  object  do  we  desire  it  ?  A 
miserable  repose  is  purchased,  and  dearly  does  it  cost  us; 
for  often  do  we  purchase  hell  by  it,  endless  torments  in 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


189 


everlasting  fire  !  0  !  that  all  men,  then,  would  resolve  to 

consider  it  as  earth,  which  is  good  for  nothing !  In  what 
harmony  would  the  world  then  move  !  How  free  from  unjust 
contracts  !  In  what  friendship  would  all  men  live,  if  they 
would  not  hanker  after  honors  or  riches  !  In  that  case  I 
think  every  evil  would  be  remedied. 

The  soul  also  sees  that  there  is  great  blindness  respecting 
the  delights  of  this  world,  and  that  by  them  nothing  is  pur¬ 
chased,  even  for  this  life,  but  trouble  and  affliction.  What 
trouble,  and  what  little  pleasure !  What  labor  in  vain ! 
Here  she  perceives  not  only  the  cobwebs  of  her  soul — that 
is,  her  great  faults — but  even  the  smallest  grain  of  dust,  be¬ 
cause  the  Sun  is  very  bright.  And  so,  however  much  the 
soul  may  have  labored  to  perfect  herself,  if  this  same  Sun 
should  truly  strike  her  with  its  beams,  then  she  sees  how 
dusty  everything  is.  It  is  like  a  glass  full  of  water,  which 
you  think  to  be  very  pure  and  clear,  if  the  sun  do  not  shine 
upon  it ;  but  when  the  sun  does  shine,  you  find  it  to  be  all 
full  of  animalculae.  This  comparison  is  literally  true ;  for 
before  the  soul  is  in  this  ecstasy,  she  thinks  that  she  has 
been  very  careful  not  to  offend  God,  and  that  she  endeavored 
to  do  so  to  the  best  of  her  power.  But  when  she  has  arrived 
so  far,  that  this  Sun  of  Justice  makes  her  open  her  eyes, 
then  she  sees  so  many  motes  in  them  that  she  would  be  glad 
to  shut  them  again ;  for  she  has  not  yet  become  so  strong, 
like  the  courageous  eagle  which  bred  her,  as  steadily  to  fix 
her  eyes  on  this  Sun.  But  however  little  she  may  open 
them,  she  sees  herself  covered  with  imperfections,  and  then 
she  remembers  the  verse,  “  Who  shall  be  pure  in  Thy 
sight?”  When  she  beholds  this  Divine  Sun,  she  is  dazzled 
by  the  brightness  thereof :  but  when  she  looks  upon  herself, 
her  eyes  are  stopped  up  with  clay  ;  and  so  this  little  dove  is 
blind.  And  sometimes  it  happens  that  she  remains  entirely 
blind,  being  absorbed,  amazed,  and  as  it  were  out  of  herself, 
at  all  the  greatness  that  she  beholds.  Here  true  humility  is 
acquired ;  for  she  cares  not  either  about  speaking  well  of 
herself,  or  about  others  doing  it :  she  wishes  our  Lord,  and 
not  herself,  to  divide  the  fruits  of  the  garden,  and  so  nothing 
sticks  to  her  fingers.  All  the  good  that  she  has  is  directed 
and  referred  to  God ;  and  if  she  should  say  anything  of  her- 


190 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


self,  it  is  for  His  glory,  for  she  knows  that  she  has  nothing 
of  her  own :  of  this  she  cannot  be  ignorant,  even  if  she  would, 
because  she  knows  it  by  the  very  sight  of  her  eyes,  which 
are  shut  to  the  things  of  this  world,  but  open  for  understand¬ 
ing  the  truth,  whether  she  is  willing  or  no. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

THE  SAINT  CONTINUES  AND  FINISHES  THIS  LAST  DEGREE  OF  PRAYER. 

I  will  now  finish  what  I  was  saying,  viz.,  that  here  the 
soul  has  no  occasion  to  give  any  fresh  consent,  since  she  has 
already  given  it ;  and  she  knows  that  she  has  willingly  de¬ 
livered  herself  into  His  hands,  and  that  she  cannot  deceive 
Him  wrho  knows  all  things.  It  is  not  as  things  are  in  this 
world,  which  is  full  of  deceit  and  duplicity  ;  for  when  you 
think  you  have  fully  gained  the  good  will  of  any  one,  by  the 
proofs  he  gives,  you  soon  discover  that  it  is  all  pretence  and 
falsehood,  so  that  no  one  knows  how  to  live  in  a  world  so 
deceitful,  especially  when  self-interest  is  concerned.  Blessed 
is  that  soul  to  which  our  Lord  gives  the  knowledge  of  the 
truth.  What  a  blessing  this  would  be  for  kings,  and  how 
much  more  profitable  for  them,  than  to  rule  great  provinces  ! 
What  justice  would  be  found  in  the  kingdom  !  How  many 
evils  would  be  avoided,  both  now  and  hereafter !  Here 
there  is  no  fear  of  losing  life  or  honor  for  the  love  of  God ; 
rather  would  such  losses  be  considered  as  great  blessings  by 
those  wTho  have  more  regard  for  the  glory  of  God,  than  for 
those  to  whom  they  are  less  obliged  ;  foj  kings  are  those 
whom  men  follow.  The  prospect  of  extending  the  faith,  and 
of  enlightening  the  minds  of  heretics,  ought  to  induce  kings 
to  lose  a  thousand  kingdoms  for  the  sake  of  gaining  a  king¬ 
dom  that  will  never  end.  And  when  a  soul  coines  to  iaste 
but  a  single  drop  of  its  heavenly  water,  everything  in  this 
world  will  appear  disgusting  to  her.  And  when  a  soul  shall 
toe  entirely  engulfed  in  this  ocean  of  happiness,  what  joy 
will  be  hers  !  0  Lord !  if  Thou  shouldst  raise  me  to  such 

a  state  that  I  could  proclaim  aloud  this  truth,  men  would 
believe  me  no  more  than  they  do  others,  who  know  how  to  pub- 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


191 


lish  this  truth  much  better  than  I  do ;  but  I  should,  at  least, 
give  satisfaction  to  myself.  It  seems  to  me,  however,  that  I 
should  esteem  my  life  but  little,  on  condition  that  I  could 
make  one  of  these  truths  well  understood ;  and  yet  I  know 
not  what  I  should  do  afterwards,  for  there  is  no  trust  to  be 
placed  in  me.  But  though  I  am  such  a  miserable  creature, 
still  I  feel  such  great  impulses  to  declare  these  truths  to 
those  who  are  in  authority,  that  I  am  almost  consumed 
thereby. 

And  now  since  I  can  do  no  more,  I  turn  to  Thee,  0  my 
Lord !  to  seek  a  remedy  for  all  my  evils ;  Thou  knowest 
well  how  willingly  I  would  deprive  myself  of  all  the  favors 
Thou  hast  bestowed  upon  me  (provided  I  might  still  be  in 
a  condition  of  never  offending  God),  and  give  them  up  to 
kings  and  princes,  for  then  I  know  it  would  be  quite  impos¬ 
sible  for  them,  either  to  consent  that  those  things  should  be 
done  which  are  now  permitted,  or  that  they  would  fail  to 
receive  extraordinary  favors  from  Thy  hands.  0  my  God ! 
make  them  understand  what  these  duties  are,  since  Thou 
wert  pleased  to  honor  them  in  such  a  manner  on  earth,  that 
I  have  heard  there  were  signs  in  the  heavens  when  they  died. 
When  I  think  of  this,  it  excites  devotion  in  me,  and  mayest 
Thou  be  pleased,  0  my  King !  to  make  them  hereby  under¬ 
stand,  that  they  ought  to  imitate  Thee  in  their  life,  since 
there  are  in  some  manner  signs  in  the  heavens  at  their  death, 
as  there  were  at  thine  own  death.  I  am  presuming  to  say 
too  much,  and  your  Reverence  may  tear  in  pieces  what  I 
am  writing  if  I  do  not  speak  properly.  Believe  me,  I 
would  be  glad  to  speak  better  if  I  were  in  their  presence, 
and  if  I  knew  how  ;  and  especially  if  I  thought  they  would 
believe  me,  for  I  frequently  recommend  them  to  God,  and  I 
wish  to  do  them  good.  He  who  ventures  his  life  may  do 
anything,  and  I  often  desire  to  lose  mine ;  and  that  would 
be  venturing  little  to  gain  so  much,  because  we  cannot  live 
in  this  world  when  we  see  with  our  own  eyes  the  great  eiror 

and  blindness  in  which  men  walk. 

When  a  soul  has  arrived  at  this  state,  she  has  not  mere 
desires  for  the  glory  of  God ;  His  Majesty  gives  her  strength 
to  execute  them  also.  No  difficulty  can  be  imagined  which 
she  would  not  willingly  embrace,  provided  she  could  serve 


192 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Him  thereby ;  and  she  thinks  she  does  nothing,  because 
everything  which  does  not  please  God  appears  to  her  to  be  a 
mere  nothing.  But  my  grief  is,  that  these  occasions  of 
serving  Him  are  not  offered  to  those  who  are  as  useless  as  I 
am.  But  be  Thou  pleased,  0  my  Eternal  Good !  that  some 
time  may  come  wherein  \  shall  be  able  to  repay  Thee,  even 
but  a  trifle,  for  all  that  I  owe  Thee.  Order  things  as  Thou 
pleasest,  provided  this  Thy  servant  may  be  able  to  serve 
Thee  in  something.  There  have  been  other  women  who  have 
performed  heroic  actions  for  the  love  of  Thee  ;  but  I  am 
good  for  nothing  but  to  talk ;  and  so  it  is  not  Thy  will  that 
I  should  act,  but  that  all  the  service  I  am  to  do  for  Thee  is 
to  consist  in  words  and  desires ;  and  even  in  these  I  have 
not  liberty,  because  I  might  perhaps  fail  in  every  duty. 
Strengthen  my  soul,  and  dispose  of  it  first,  0  Thou  author 
of  all  blessings !  my  Jesus !  and  then  ordain  things  in  such 
a  way  that  I  may  be  able  to  do  something  for  Thee ;  and 
that  no  one  in  the  world  may  endure  to  have  received  so 
much,  and  yet  to  have  returned  so  little.  No  matter  what 
it  cost,  0  Lord !  let  not  my  hands  appear  so  empty  in  Thy 
presence,  since  according  to  our  works  so  shall  we  be  re¬ 
warded.  Behold !  here  is  my  life,  here  is  my  honor,  here 
is  my  will ;  I  have  given  all  to  Thee ;  I  am  Thine,  and  dis¬ 
pose  of  me  as  Thou  pleasest.  I  know  well,  0  Lord !  how 
little  I  am  able  to  do ;  but  having  now  come  to  Thee,  having 
reached  that  tower  where  so  many  truths  are  discovered, 
there  is  nothing  which  I  shall  not  be  able  to  perform,  if  Thou 
depart  not  from  me.  But  if  Thou  withdraw  Thyself  (how¬ 
ever  little),  I  shall  find  myself  where  I  once  was — on  the 
road  to  hell. 

Oh  !  what  an  affliction  is  it  for  a  soul,  who  sees  herself 
in  this  state,  to  be  obliged  to  return  and  converse  with  the 
world,  and  to  behold  the  farce  of  this  life  so  badly  acted  and 
arranged  !  To  be  forced  to  spend  so  much  time  in  the  things 
of  the  body,  in  sleeping  and  eating !  All  this  wearies  the 
soul,  which  knows  not  how  to  escape  from  thence,  for  she 
finds  herself  a  captive  in  chains.  She  then  feels  more  sen¬ 
sibly  the  captivity  we  endure  by  means  of  our  bodies,  and 
also  the  misery  of  this  life.  Then  she  understands  what 
reason  St.  Paul  had,  in  beseeching  God  to  free  him  “  from 


LITE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


193 


the  body  of  this  death as.  I  have  said  before,  the  soul  cries 
aloud  with  him,  and  begs  liberty  from  God.  But  this  is 
often  done  with  such  great  impetuosity,  that  the  soul  seems 
desirous  of  leaping  from  the  body  in  search  of  this  liberty  • 
and  as  she  cannot  be  freed,  she  seems  like  one  sold  as  a  slave 
in  a  strange  land.  But  that  which  afflicts  her  the  most  is, 
that  she  cannot  find  many  to  lament  with  her,  and  to  desire 
what  she  desires,  for  they  generally  desire  to  live.  Oh ! 
that  we  were  not  tied  to  anything,  and  that  we  did  not  place 
our  happiness  in  the  pleasures  of  this  world  !  Then  would 
the  pain  we  might  feel  of  always  living  without  God,  temper 
the  fear  of  d^ath,  through  the  desire  of  enjoying  eternal  life'. 
Sometimes,  when  I  am  considering,  how  such  a  creature  as 
I  am,  to  whom  our  Lord  has  given  this  light,  and  though 
possessing  such  imperfect  charity,  and  so  little  true  repose 
(because  my  actions  have  deserved  no  better),  should  yet 
often  feel  so  much  pain  in  seeing  myself  in  this  land  of  exile, 
then  I  ask  myself,  what  must  have  been  the  feelings  and 
sentiments  of  the  saints  ?  What  must  St.  Paul  and  St.  Mary 
Magdalen,  and  others  like  them,  have  felt,  in  whom  the  fire 
of  divine  love  burnt  so  brightly  ?  It  must  have  been  a  con¬ 
tinual  martyrdom  for  them.  It.  seems  that  no  one  could 
give  me  greater  comfort  and  ease,  than  to  converse  with 
those  persons  in  whom  I  could  find  the  like  desires — I  mean, 
desires  with  actions ;  for  there  are  certain  persons  who,  in 
their  own  opinion,  are  disengaged  from  all  things,  and  so 
they  publish  it  to  the  world ;  and  it  is  proper  they  should  be 
so,  because  their  state  of  life  requires  such,  as  well  as  the 
many  years  since  they  began  to  enter  on  the  way  of  perfec¬ 
tion.  But  my  soul  knows  well  what  a  great  difference  there 
is  between  those  who  desire  merely  in  words,  and  those  who 
confirm  their  words  by  deeds  ;  and  she  also  understands  well, 
how  little  is  the  good  the  former  do,  and  how  great  is  that 
which  the  others  accomplish :  he  who  has  any  experience, 
can  see  this  truth  very  clearly. 

And  now  I  have  mentioned  the  effects  which  those  rap¬ 
tures  produce,  that  come  from  the  Spirit  of  God.  It  is  true 
that  the  effects  are  sometimes  great,  sometimes  less ;  I  say 
u  less,”  because  though  in  the  beginning  the  raptures  pro¬ 
duce  these  effects,  yet,  as  they  are  not  confirmed  by  works. 


194 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA 


we  cannot  be  certain  if  they  are  raptures ;  and,  besides,  the 
more  we  endeavor  to  free  ourselves  from  every  imperfection, 
the  more  we  shall  increase  in  perfection ;  but  this  requires 
some  time ;  and  the  more  humility  and  divine  love  increase 
in  the  soul,  so  much  the  sweeter  will  be  the  odor  those  flow¬ 
ers  of  virtue  will  be  sure  to  give,  both  to  those  who  practice 
these  virtues  and  to  others  also.  It  is  true,  that  our  Lord 
knows  how  to  work  on  a  soul  in  these  raptures  in  such  a 
manner,  that  little  work  will  remain  for  the  soul  herself  to 
do,  in  acquiring  perfection  ;  for  no  one  can  believe  unless 
he  has  experienced  it,  how  much  it  pleases  our  Lord  to  be¬ 
stow  favors  upon  a  soul  in  such  a  state  ;  nor  can  we,  in  my 
opinion,  attain  such  a  state  by  any  diligence  on  our  part.  I 
say  not  but  that,  by  the  help  of  our  Lord,  such  persons  who 
make  use  for  many  years  of  those  means  which  are  prescribed 
by  those  who  write  concerning  the  beginnings  and  method  of 
prayer,  may  arrive  at  perfection,  and  become  entirely  disen¬ 
gaged  from  all  things :  but  this  will  cost  much  labor  and 
some  time.  But  in  raptures  our  Lord  works  without  any 
labor  on  our  part;  and  He  expressly  draws  the  soul  from  the 
earth,  and  gives  her  dominion  over  all  things  therein,  though 
there  might  not  be  in  this  soul  any  more  merit  than  there 
was  in  mine :  I  do  not  know  how  to  express  this  point  suffi¬ 
ciently  strong,  for  in  mine  there  was  hardly  any  merit  at  all. 
If  the  question  should  be  asked,  why  His  Majesty  does  so, 
the  answer  is,  because  it  is  His  will,  and  He  acts  how  He 
pleases  ;  and  even  though  there  should  be  no  disposition  in 
her  at  all,  still  He  disposes  her  for  receiving  from  His  Ma¬ 
jesty  the  blessing  which  He  gives  her :  but  not  always  does 
He  grant  these  effects,  because  the  gardener  may  have  de¬ 
served  them  by  having  cultivated  his  garden  well ;  though,  at 
the  same  time,  it  is  certain,  that  whoever  does  this  properly, 
and  endeavors  to  untie  himself  from  all  things,  will  be  favored 
with  many  blessings.  But  sometimes  He  is  pleased  to 
show.  His  greatness  upon  the  most  barren  soil  (as  I  have 
mentioned  before),  and  to  prepare  it  for  receiving  every  good 
thing,  so  that  now  the  soul  seems  to  have  no  power,  in  a  cer¬ 
tain  sense,  of  relapsing  into  the  offences  she  used  to  commit 
against  God. 

She  has  her  thoughts  so  accustomed  to  understand  what 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


195 


is  truth,  indeed,  that  everything  else  seems  to  her  but  the 
playthings  of  children.  Sometimes  she  smiles  within  her¬ 
self,  when  she  sees  grave  persons,  who  are  given  to  prayer 
and  other  religious  duties,  make  much  of  points  of  honor, 
which  this  soul  tramples  under  her  feet.  Some  may  say, 
this  is  prudence,  and  upholding  the  authority  of  their  state, 
that  so  they  may  be  able  to  do  more  good.  But  this  soul 
knows  very  well,  that  such  persons  might  have  done  more 
good  in  one  day,  if  they  would  have  yielded  up  their  authority 
foi.  the  love  of  God,  than  they  would  ever  do  in  ten  years  by 
adhering  to  it.  Thus  does  the  soul  lead  a  troublesome  life, 
and  always  she  has  a  cross.  But  she  goes  on  advancing : 
though  those  with  whom  she  converses  may  suppose  that  she 
has  already  arrived  at  the  top  of  perfection,  yet  very  soon 
they  discover  that  she  goes  on  improving,  because  our  Lord 
continues  to  caress  her  more  and  more.  God  himself  is  her 
soul,  and  He  it  is  who  haS  taken  the  charge  of  her  into  His 
own  hands ;  and  there  He  shines,  and  seems  in  a  clear  man¬ 
ner  to  be  guarding  her,  that  she  may  not  offend  Him,  and 
also  to  be  caressing  her  and  exciting  her  to  serve  Him. 
When  my  soul  arrived  so  far,  that  God  was  pleased  to  do 
me  so  great  a  favor,  my  miseries  ceased  at  once,  and  God 
gave  me  strength  to  avoid  them ;  and  I  was  no  more  affected 
by  being  afterwards  in  those  occasions,  and  in  the  company 
of  persons  who  formerly  distracted  me,  than  if  I  had  not 
been  in  them  at  all ;  rather  was  I  helped  thereby.  That 
which  used  before  to  injure  me,  now  became  instrupiental  in 
making  me  know  God  better,  and  loving  Him  more,  and  like¬ 
wise  in  making  me  see  how  greatly  I  was  indebted  to  Him, 
and  how  sorry  I  should  be  for  having  offended  Him. 

But  I  knew  well  that  this  blessing  did  not  come  from  me, 
and  that  I  had  not  obtained  it  by  any  diligence  on  my  part, 
nor  indeed  had  I  even  time  for  it ;  but  that  His  Majesty  had 
given  me  strength  for  this  purpose  through  His  sole  goodness. 
From  the  time  when  our  Lord  began  to  do  me  this  favor  of 
having  raptures,  my  strength  went  on  increasing ;  and  He 
has  also  held  me  fast  by  the  hand,  that  so  I  might  not  return 
back  any  more.  And  now,  methinks,  it  is  nothing  at  all 
which  I  do  on  my  part,  but  I  understand  very  clearly 
that  it  is  our  Lord  who  does  all ;  and  therefore  do  I  think 


196 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


that  the  soul  on  which  our  Lord  confers  these  favors  (provided 
she  acknowledge  with  humility  and  fear  that  it  is  our  Lord 
who  gives  them,  and  that  we  ourselves  do  nothing  at  all), 
may  place  herself  in  any  company  ;  and  that,  however  dis¬ 
tracted  or  evil  it  may  be,  it  will  not  atfect  her  or  move  her 
in  any  way,  but  rather  will  it  help  her,  and  give  her  the 
means  of  reaping  more  profit  thereby.  Such  are  already 
strong  souls,  whom  our  Lord  chooses  to  do  good  to  others, 
though  this  strength  comes  not  from  themselves.  But  when 
once  our  Lord  brings  a  soul  near  Himself,  by  little  and  little 
He  communicates  great  secrets  to  her.  In  this  ecstasy  come 
true  revelations,  and  great  favors  and  visions :  and  all  these 
tend  to  humble  and  strengthen  the  soul,  and  to  enable  her 
to  despise  the  things  of  this  life,  and  to  know  more  clearly 
the  greatness  of  that  reward  which  our  Lord  has  prepared 
for  those  who  serve  Him. 

May  our  Lord  grant  that  the  excessive  goodness  which 
He  has  been  pleased  to  show  such  a  miserable  sinner,  may 
be  in  some  way  instrumental  in  strengthening  and  animating 
those  who  shall  read  this  discourse,  completely  to  abandon  all 
things  for  God’s  sake,  since  His  Majesty  gives  such  abundant 
rewards.  And  we  see  clearly,  even  in  this  life,  what  rewards 
and  advantages  He  gives  to  those  who  love  Him ;  and,  if  so, 
what  will  He  not  give  them  in  the  next  1 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

THE  SAINT  SHOWS  HOW  SECURE  A  WAY  IT  IS  FOR  THOSE  WHO  GIVE 
THEMSELVES  TO  CONTEMPLATION,  NOT  TO  RAISE  THEIR  MINDS  TO 
HIGH  THINGS  UNLESS  OUR  LORD  RAISE  THEM  HIMSELF,  AND  HOW 
THE  HUMANITY  OF  CHRIST  MAY  SERVE  AS  A  MEANS  OF  REACHING 
THE  HIGHEST  DEGREE  OF  CONTEMPLATION. 

I  wish  to  make  a  remark  here  which,  in  my  opinion,  is 
very  important;  and  if  your  Reverence  consider  it  proper, 
it  may  serve  as  a  word  of  advice  to  you;  and,  perhaps,  you 
may  even  stand  in  need  of  it.  I  have  read  in  some  books 
which  treat  of  prayer,  that  though  the  soul  is  not  able  of 
herself  to  arrive  at  this  state,  because  everything  is  super- 


LIFE  OP  ST.  TERESA.  197 

natural  which  our  Lord  works  therein,  yet  that  she  may  help  * 
herself  towards  this  object,  by  raising  her  mind  above  all 
created  things  :  and  that  so  raising  it  with  humility  for  many 
years,  and  having  first  passed  through  the  “  purgative  ”  way, 
and  then  through  the  illuminative  (I  do  not  know  why  it  is 
called  by  this  name),  the  writers  particularly  advise  persons 
to  abstract  themselves  from  all  reflection  on  corporeal  things, 
that  so  they  may  be  able  to  arrive  at  the  contemplation  of 
the  divinity.  They  say,  that  though  it  should  be  even  the 
Humanity  of  Christ,  yet  it  is  some  impediment  for  those 
who  have  advanced  so  far,  and  that  it  hinders  persons  from 
applying  to  the  most  perfect  kind  of  contemplation.  To 
support  this  opinion,  they  allege  what  our  Lord  said  to  His 
apostles,  when  He  was  ascending  into  heaven,  respecting  the 
descent  of  the  Holy  Ghost  upon  them.  My  opinion  is,  that 
if  then  theyjiad  that  lively  faith  of  our  Lord  being  both 
God  and  man — (as  they  had  after  the  coming  of  the  Holy 
Spirit),  His  corporal  presence  would  have  been  no  hinderance 
to  them  ;  for  He  spoke  not  thus  to  His  mother,  though  she 
loved  Him  much  more  than  all  of  them  together.  But  they 
quote  what  our  Lord  said  to  His  apostles,  when  He  ascended 
into  heaven,  because  it  seems  to  them  (as  all  the  action  is 
spiritual),  that  every  corporeal  object  will  prove  a  hinderance 
and  obstacle  to  this  kind  of  prayer ;  that  they  should  con¬ 
sider  themselves  independent  of  creatures ;  that  God  sur¬ 
rounds  them  on  all  sides,  and  hence,  that  it  should  be  their 
endeavor  to  see  themselves  engulfed  in  Him.  To  make  use 
of  this  sometimes  seems  to  me  good :  but  to  separate  our¬ 
selves  entirely  from  Christ,  and  to  place  His  divine  body  in 
the  same  company  with  our  miseries,  or  even  with  all  created 
things,  this  I  can  by  no  means  allow.  May  His  Majesty 
grant  that  I  may  make  myself  understood.  I  do  not  wish  to 
contradict  these  men,  because  they  are  spiritual  and  learned, 
and  they  know  well  what  they  say  :  it  is  also  true,  that  God 
conducts  souls  through  several  ways  and  paths,  as  He  did 
mine.  And  now  I  will  declare  some  particulars  thereof  (in 
other  matters  I  will  not  interfere) ;  but  I  will  only  speak  of 
the  danger  in  which  I  found  myself,  because  I  acted  con¬ 
formably  to  what  I  read.  I  firmly  believe,  that  whoever 
shall  have  arrived  at  the  state  of  union,  and  not  have  passed 

17* 


198 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Jfurther  on,  so  as  to  have  raptures  and  visions,  and  those 
other  favors  our  Lord  communicates  to  souls,  may  consider 
that  which  is  mentioned  above  to  be  better,  as  I  did.  But  if  I 
had  continued  in  that  state,  I  believe  I  never  should  have 
arrived  to  where  I  am  now,  because,  in  my  opinion,  it  is  an 
error ;  though  perhaps  I  myself  may  be  deceived,  but  yet  I 
will  relate  what  happened  to  me. 

When  I  had  no  director,  and  was  engaged  in  reading  those 
books  alluded  to  above,  I  thought  that  by  little  and  little  I 
came  to  understand  something ;  but  I  afterwards  found  out, 
that  if  our  Lord  had  not  been  my  teacher,  I  should  have 
learnt  very  little  by  these  books.  It  was  a  mere  nothing 
which  I  understood,  till  His  Majesty  wras  pleased  to  make  me 
know  it  by  experience  ;  neither  did  I  know  what  I  was  doing. 
But  when  I  began  to  understand  a  little  about  supernatural 
prayer  (I  mean  the  prayer  of  Quiet),  I  endeavored  to  avoid 
all  corporeal  objects,  though  I  dared  not  exalt  my  soul ;  for 
knowing  how  very  wicked  1  always  was,  I  saw  that  this  would 
be  great  presumption  in  me.  But  it  seemed  to  me  that  I 
felt  the  presence  of  God,  as  indeed  I  did,  and  I  endeavored 
to  keep  myself  recollected  with  Him.  This  is  a  sweet  kind 
of  prayer,  if  our  Lord  assist  a  soul  therein,  and  the  delight 
is  very  great;  and  when  both  the  profit  and  the  pleasure 
are  perceived,  no  one  could  then  make  me  return  to  the 
Humanity  of  Christ,  because  I  thought  that  it  was  in  reality 
an  impediment  to  me.  0  Lord  of  my  soul!  my  Good! 
Jesus  Christ  crucified!  I  never  call  to  mind  the  opinion 
which  I' then  held,  without  feeling  pain  at  the  thought,  for  I 
think  I  committed  a  great  treason  against  Thee,  though 
perhaps  in  ignorance.  I  have  been  especially  devoted  to  the 
Passion  of  Christ  throughout  all  my  life,  for  this  other  cir¬ 
cumstance  happened  in  the  latter  part  of  it ;  I  say,  “  in  the 
latter  part,”  before  our  Lord  granted  me  the  favor  of  having 
raptures  and  visions.  I  remained  but  a  short  time  in  this 
opinion,  and  then  I  always  returned  to  regale  myself  with  my 
Lord  ;  and  especially  when  I  received  the  most  blessed 
Sacrament,  I  always  desired  to  have  some  picture  or  image 
of  Him  near  my  eyes,  since  I  was  not  able  to  have  Him  as 
deeply  engraven  on  my  soul  as  I  could  wish.  But  is  it 
possible,  O  my  Lord !  a  thought  should  ever  have  entered 


199 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

iuy  mind,  even  for  an  hour,  that  Thou  couldst  be  a  hinderance 
to  me  in  obtaining  my  greatest  good?  Vv hence  have  come 
all  the  blessings  1  have  received,  but  from  Thee  ?  But  I  will 
not  think  I  was  in  fault  in  this  respect :  rather  I  ought  to 
pity  myself  for  that  which  certainly  proceeded  from  igno¬ 
rance  ;  and  so  Thou  wert  pleased  in  Thy  goodness  to  remedy 
it,  by  giving  me  a.  person  who  delivered  me  from  this  error ; 
and  also  by  enabling  me  to  see  Thee  so  often,  as  I  shall  after¬ 
wards  declare,  that  so  I  might  the  more  clearly  understand 
how  great  that  ignorance  ot  mine  was  ;  and  likewise  that  I 
might  declare  the  same  to  many  persons,  as  I  have  already 
done,  and  declare  it  here  also.  I  believe  that  the  cause  why’ 
many  souls  do  not  advance  more,  nor  attain  great  liberty  of 
soul  when  they  arrive  at  the  prayer  of  Union,  is  on  this  very 
account. 

There  are  two  reasons  on  which,  it  seems  to  me,  this 
opinion  may  be  grounded.  And  though  what  I  am  going 
to  say  may  be  of  little  or  no  importance,  yet  I  will  declare 
it,  because  I  have  found  by  experience,  that  my  soul  was  not 
at  all  in  a  proper  state  till  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  give  me 
light.  For  all  those  joys  which  she  received  came  to  me 
only  by  draughts ;  and  when  these  were  over,  I  did  not  find 
myself  in  such  company,  nor  possessed  of  such  strength  to 
endure  tribulations  and  temptations  as  I  found  afterwards. 
The  first  reason  is,  that  there  is  a  little  want  of  humility, 
which,  however,  lies  hidden  in  such  a  manner  that  it  is  not 
perceived  by  the  person.  And  who  will  be  so  proud  and 
miserable  as  I  was,  even  though  he  should  have  passed  his 
whole  life  in  numerous  acts  of  penance,  in  prayers,  and  all 
imaginable  persecutions,  as  not  even  then  to  consider  himself 
very  rich,  and  very  well  repaid,  were  our  Lord  to  allow  him 
to  stand  at  the  foot  of  the  cross  with  St.  John?  No  one  but 
myself  could  help  being  content  with  such  a  happiness  as  this, 
for  I  was  a  loser  many  ways  in  all  those  things  in  which  I 
ought  to  have  been  a  gainer.  But  if  our  frail  nature,  or 
our  infirmities,  will  not  allow  us  always  to  be  meditating  on 
the  Passion  (on  account  of  its  painfulness),  what  should 
prevent  us  from  remaining  with  Him  now  that  He  is  risen 
again  to  glory,  since  we  have  Him  so  near  us  in  the  Blessed 
feacrament?  Nor  need  we  behold  Him  there  so  afflicted, 


200 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


torn  in  pieces,  covered  with  blood,  so  weary  going  along 
those  rugged  ways,  so  persecuted  by  those  to  whom  He  did 
such  good,  and  even  not  believed  in  by  His  own  apostles  : 
because  it  is  true  that  no  one  can  bear  always  to  be  medi¬ 
tating  on  all  the  sufferings  which  He  endured.  But  in  the 
Blessed  Sacrament  we  have  Him  without  His  enduring  any 
pain,  and  full  of  glory,  giving  strength  to  some  and  courage  to 
others,  just  as  He  did  before  He  ascended  into  heaven. 
Here,  in  this  most  adorable  Sacrament,  He  is  our  companion, 
and  it  seems  as  if  it  were  not  in  His  power  to  absent  Himself 
one  moment  from  us :  and  yet  I  was  able  to  remove  myself 
from  Thee,  under  the  pretext  of  serving  Thee  better  !  But 
when  I  was  offending  Thee,  I  knew  Thee  not :  and  when  I 
did  know  Thee,  how  could  I  think  of  gaining  by  the  way  I 
walked?  Oh!  what  a  rugged  road  T  walked  along!  And 
now  I  find  I  should  have  quite  lost  my  way,  if  Thou  hadst 
not  conducted  me  back  to  Thee  ;  for  as  Thou  wert  near  me, 
I  saw  I  had  all  good  things.  And  whenever  any  affliction 
comes  upon  me  I  consider  how  Thou  wert  treated  before  the 
Jews,  and  then  the  affliction  is  very  easily  borne.  With  the 
presence  of  so  good  a  friend,  and  under  the  guidance  of  so 
valiant  a  captain,  who  was  in  the  foremost  rank  to  suffer, 
everything  can  be  endured  for  His  sake.  He  assists  us  and 
gives  us  strength,  and  never  fails  in  his  promises  :  He  is  a 
true  friend.  I  see  clearly,  that  in  order  to  please  God,  and 
to  receive  great  favors  from  Him,  He  wishes  to  give  them  to 
us  through  the  hands  of  this  most  sacred  Humanity,  in  which 
His  Majesty  has  said,  He  is  u  well  pleased.”  Many,  many 
times,  I  have  known  this  truth  by  experience :  besides,  our 
Lord  himself  has  told  me  so.  I  have  also  seen,  that  by  this 
gate  we  must  enter,  if  we  wish  His  Sovereign  Majesty  to 
communicate  great  secrets  to  our  souls. 

Thus  it  is  that  I  wish  your  Beverence  not  to  choose  any 
other  way,  though  you  should  have  arrived  at  the  very  height 
of  contemplation  ;  for  here  you  will  be  safe,  since  this  is  our 
Lord,  from  whom  all  blessings  come :  if  you  consider  His 
life,  your  own  will  be  improved,  for  He  is  the  very  best 
pattern  we  can  have.  What  can  we  desire  more  than  to 
have  so  good  a  friend  by  our  side,  who  will  never  desert  us 
in  our  afflictions  and  tribulations,  like  men  in  the  world  do  ? 


201 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

Blessed  is  that  man  who  loves  our  Lord  truly,  and  who 
always  has  Him  near  to  him.  Let  us  consider  the  glorious 
St.  Paul,  who  had  the  name  of  Jesus  continually  on  his  lips, 
because  he  had  it  deeply  engraven  in  his  heart.  And  from 
the  time  I  have  know  this  truth,  I  have  carefully  considered 
the  life  of  many  other  great  contemplative  saints,  and  I  have 
noticed  that  they  walked  along  no  other  way.  St.  Francis 
shows  this  clearly  by  his  wounds  (“  stigmata  ”) ;  and  St. 
Antony  of  Padua  by  the  infant.  St.  Bernard  took  great 
delight  in  the  humanity  of  our  Lord*;  so  also  did  St. 
Catherine  of  Sienna,  and  many  other  saints,  with  whom  your 
Beverence  is  better  acquainted  than  I  am.  This  abstraction 
from  corporeal  objects  must  be  good,  since  persons  of  such 
spirituality  tell  us  so ;  but,  in  my  opinion,  what  they  say 
must  be  understood  of  souls  very  far  advanced  in  perfection  ; 
for  till  then  it  is  evident  that  the  Creator  must  be  sought  for 
by  means  of  creatures.  But  I  will  not  say  much  on  this 
point,  since  all  depends  on  the  favors  our  Lord  is  pleased  to 
show  to  any  soul.  What  I  wish  to  he  understood  is,  that 
the  most  sacred  Humanity  of  Christ  must  not  be  taken  into 
this  account  ;  and  let  this  point  be  well  understood,  that  I 
would  wish  to  know  how  to  express  myself  properly. 

When  God  is  pleased  to  suspend  all  the  powers  of  the  soul, 
as  He  does  in  those  kinds  of  prayer  already  mentioned,  we 
have  seen  plainly  that  this  presence  is  taken  away  from  us, 
whether  we  will  or  no.  But  let  it  go ;  for  what  a  happy 
loss  is  that  whereby  we  gain  more  than  what  we  thought  we 
had  lost !  Then  the  whole  soul  is  employed  in  loving  Him 
wrhom  the  understanding  has  already  endeavored  to  know ; 
and  she  loves  that  which  she  did  not  comprehend,  and  enjoys 
what  she  could  not  have  enjoyed,  except  only  by  losing  her¬ 
self  for  her  greater  gain,  as  I  have  already  mentioned.  But 
that  we  should  accustom  ourselves,  by  a  kind  of  artifice,  not 
to  endeavor  writh  all  our  strength  to  place  always  before  our 
eyes — (and  would  it  were  always) — this  most  sacred  Hu¬ 
manity  :  this,  I  repeat,  is  what  I  do  not  like,  for  it  is  as  if  the 
soul  walked  in  the  air,  as  the  saying  is,  because  she  seems 
to  have  no  support,  however  much  she  may  fancy  herself  to 
be  full  of  God. 

Since  we  are  mortal,  it  is  very  important  for  us  as  long  as 


202 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


we  live  to  represent  our  Lord’s  Humanity  to  our  mind;  for 
this  is  that  other  subject  on  which  I  wish  to  speak.  The 
first  (I  said)  proceeded  from  a  want  of  a  little  humility,  by 
presuming  to  raise  the  soul  up  before  our  Lord  raised  her ; 
and  not  contenting  herself  with  meditating  on  a  subject  so 
precious  and  sacred,  she  wishes  to  be  Mary  before  she  has 
labored  with  Martha.  If  our  Lord  should  wish  her  to  be 
Mary,  we  have  nothing  to  fear  then,  though  it  should  happen 
on  the  very  first  day  of  our  entering  His  service.  .  But  let 
us  consider  the  subject  well,  as  I  think  I  have  mentioned  be¬ 
fore.  This  mote  of  little  humility,  though  it  may  appear  to 
be  a  mere  nothing,  will  hinder  us  a  great  deal  from  advanc¬ 
ing  in  contemplation. 

Let  us  return  now  to  the  second  point.  Though  we  are 
not  angels,  but  have  bodies,  yet  to  desire  to  make  ourselves 
angels,  while  we  are  still  upon  the  earth,  is  a  kind  of  mad¬ 
ness.  But  our  thoughts  require  some  support,,  generally 
speaking,  though  sometimes  the  soul  may  be  so  raised  above 
herself,  and  often  so  full  of  God,  as  not  to  stand  in  need  of 
any  created  object  in  order  to  recollect  herself.  .  But  this  is 
not  so  common  when  the  soul  is  overpowered  with  business, 
or  in  persecutions  and  troubles,  when  she  cannot  have  so 
much  quiet ;  and  in  times  also  of  dryness  and  duluess,  Christ 
our  Lord  is  found  to  be  a  very  good  friend,  because  we  con¬ 
sider  Him  as  man,  and  we  behold  Him  full  of  weakness  and 
afflictions,  and  there  He  keeps  us  company ;  and  when  once 
we  acquire  the  custom,  we  shall  find  it  very  easy  to  keep 
Him  close  to  us,  though  it  will  sometimes  happen  that  we 
shall  not  be  able  to  do  either  the  one  or  the  other.  For  this 
reason  it  will  be  well  to  do  what  I  mentioned  befoie,  viz., 
not  to  strive  to  procure  any  consolation  of  soul,  come  what 
may ;  but  willingly  to  embrace  the  cross  of  Christ,  is  very 
important.  Our  Lord  was  deprived  of  all  consolation  :  He 
was  left  alone  in  his  afflictions:  let  us  not  leave  Him  so. 
He  will  stretch  out  His  hand  to  us,  which  will  raise  us  up 
better  than  all  our  own  endeavors ;  and  yet  He. will  absent 
Himself  also  whenever  He  shall  think  fit,  and  will  raise  the 
soul  above  herself  when  He  wishes,  as  I  have  already  men¬ 


tioned. 

God  is  much  pleased  to  see 


a  soul  take,  with  humility, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


203 


His  Son  for  her  intercessor ;  and  He  loves  her  so  much,  that 
even  if  His  Majesty  should  desire  to  raise  her  up  to  a  very 
high  degree  of  contemplation,  she  acknowledges  herself  unwor¬ 
thy,  and  exclaims  with  St.  Peter,  “  Depart  from  me,  0 
Lord!  for  lam  a  sinful  man.”  This  I  have  experienced 
myself,  and  in  this  manner  has  God  guided  my  soul.  Let 
others  go  (as  I  have  said)  by  another  short  cut ;  hut  what  I 
have  learnt  is,  that  all  this  edifice  of  prayer  is  grounded  on 
humility ;  and  that  the  more  the  soul  humbles  herself  in 
prayer,  the  more  does  God  exalt  her.  I  do  not  remember 
that  He  ever  showed  any  of  those  singular  favors  (of  which 
I  shall  speak  hereafter)— but  only  when  I  was  in  confusion 
at  seeing  myself  so  wicked  :  and  His  Majesty  sometimes 
took  care  to  *  make  me  understand  certain  things,  which  I 
never  could  have  imagined  myself,  in  order  to  help  me  to 
know  myself  better.  I  believe  that  when  the  soul  does  any¬ 
thing  on  her  part  to  help  herself  on  in  this  prayer  of  Union, 
yet  the  building  will  very  quickly  fall  (though  for  the  pre¬ 
sent  her  efforts  may  seem  to  advance  her),  because  it  has  no 
so. id  foundation.  And  X  am  afraid  she  will  never  arrive, 
at  true  poverty  of  spirit,  which  consists  not  in  seeking  com¬ 
fort  and  pleasure  in  prayer  (for  the  pleasures  of  this  world 
are  already  forsaken),  but  consolation  in  afflictions,  for  the 
love  of  Him  who  always  lived  in  them,  and  grace  to  remain 
patient  under  them,  as  well  as  quiet  in  aridities  ;  and  though 
such  soul  ->  cannot  help  feeling  some  pain  thereat,  yet  they 
do  not  disturb  themselves  so  much  as  some  persons  do,  who 
imagine  that  if  they  are  not  always  working  with  the  under¬ 
standing,  and  do  not  have  sensible  devotion,  all  is  lost!  As 
if  they  could  merit  so  great  a  blessing  by  their  own  exer¬ 
tions  !  I  do  not  mean  to  say,  that  they  should  not  endeavor 
with  care  to  keep  themselves  in  the  presence  of  God ;  but 
if  they  should  be  unable  to  have  even  one  good  thought  (as 
1  have  mentioned  in  another  place'),  yet  they  must  not  tor¬ 
ment  themselves.  We  are  unprofitable  servants,  and  what 
therefore  can  we  fancy  we  are  able  to  do?  Our  Lord  is 
much  better  pleased  that  we  should  know  this  truth,  and 
that  we  should  consider  ourselves  only  fit  to  be  treated  like 
some  poor  little  asses,  to  turn  the  wheel  for  drawing  the 
water  spoken  of  before ;  for  though  these  have  their  eyes 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


204 

blindfolded,  and  know  not  what  they  are  doing,  yet  they 
draw  up  more  water  than  the  gardener  can,  with  all  his 
strength  and  exertions.  We  must  walk  in  this  way  with 
liberty,  and  put  ourselves  in  the  hands  of  God.  If  His  * 
iesty  shall  be  pleased  to  rank  us  among  the  number  of  His 
confidential  friends,  we  must  accept  the  honor  with  a  good 
will  •  but  if  not,  we  must  be  content  to  serve  in  inferior  em¬ 
ployments,  and  not  sit  down  in  the  best  place,  as  I  have  said 
elsewhere.  God  takes  more  care  of  us  than  we  do  ourselves, 
and  knows  what  every  one  is  fit  for ;  what  use  then  is  1  or 
him,  who  has  already  given  his  whole  will  tc i  God,  to  govern 
himself?  In  my  opinion,  this  is  less  to  be  allowed  her 
than  in  the  first  degree  of  prayer,  and  it  does  us  much  more 
harm  (if  any  error  be  committed),  for  these  are  supernatural 
blessings.  If  a  man  have  a  had  voice,  however  much  he 
may  force  himself  to  sing,  the  voice  will  not  thereby  become 
good ;  but  if  God  should  please  to  give  him  a  good  voice, 
he  need  not  torment  himself.  Let  us,  therefore,  always 
beg  of  God  to  grant  us  His  favors  ;  and  let  the  soul  be  re¬ 
signed,  though  yet  confiding  in  the  greatness  of  God.  And 
when  she  has  received  leave  to  remain  at  the  feet  of  Christ,  ^ 
let  her  continue  there  in  whatever  way  she  can  :  let  her  imi¬ 
tate  Mary  Magdalen  ;  and  when  she  becomes  strong,  our 

Lord  will  take  her  into  the  desert. 

Your  Reverence  will  do  well  to  keep  yourself  in  this  way, 
until  you  meet  with  some  one  else  who  has  more  experience 
than  I  have  in  this  matter.  If  they  be  persons  who  are  only 
beo-inning  to  delight  in  God,  do  not  believe  them,  for  they 
think  they  receive  more  profit  and  delight  when  they  help 
themselves.  Oh  !  how  manifestly  does  God  show  His  power, 
when  He  wills,  without  these  poor  helps !  And  so,  what¬ 
ever  resistance  we  may  make,  He  carries  away  the  soul,  just 
as  some  giant  would  carry  away  a  straw.  What  an  mcredit  e 
thing  would  it  be  for  a  man  to  believe  and  to  hope,  that  a 
toad  could  fly  whenever  it  liked  !  Now  I  consider  it  to  be  a 
more  difficult  and  absurd  thing  for  our  soul  to  raise  herselt 
up,  without  being  raised  by  God,  because  it  is  laden  with 
earth,  and  hindered  by  a  thousand  obstacles ;  and  merely 
wishing  to  fly  will  be  of  little  use  to  her.  And  though  fly¬ 
ing  be  more  natural  to  a  soul  than  to  a  toad,  yet  the  soul  is 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  205 

so  deeply  buried  in  mire,  that  she  has  lost  the  power  of  fly¬ 
ing  by  her  own  fault. 

I  wish  then  to  conclude  with  this  remark,  that  whenever 
we  meditate  on  Christ  our  Lord,  we  should  ever  remember 
the  love  wherewith  He  bestowed  so  many  favors  upon  us, 
and  how  great  that  love  was  by  His  giving  us  such  a  pledge 
of  it  5  for  love  produces  love.  And  though  we  should  be 
mere  beginners,  and  withal  very  wicked,  yet  let  us  always 
be  endeavoring  to -consider  what  I  have  been  saying,  and  be 
exciting  ourselves  to  love  Him.  If  once  our  Lord  shall  be 
pleased  to  do  us  the  favor  of  imprinting  this  love  in  our 
hearts,  everything  will  become  easy  to  us,  and  very  quickly 
shall  we  begin  to  work,  and  this  without  any  trouble.  May 
His  Majesty  grant  us  this  favor,  since  He  knows  how  neces¬ 
sary  it  is  for  us ;  and  we  beg  this  favor  by  the  great  love  He 
bore  us,  and  for  the  sake  of  His  divine  Son,  who  also  loved 
us  so  much  to  His  own  cost.  Amen. 

One  thing  I  would  fain  ask  your  Reverence,  viz.,  how  our 
Lord,  when  He  begins  to  confer  such  high  favors  on  a  soul, 
as  to  raise  her  to  a  state  of  perfect  contemplation — (and  this 
soul  ought  then  most  certainly  to  become  peifect  entirely 
and  immediately,  since  a  soul  which  receives  such  great 
favors  should  no  longer  desire  the  consolations  of  this 
world) — how  our  Lord  can  in  process  of  time  abandon  this 
soul,  without  maintaining  her  in  the  perfection  of  virtue, 
especially  after  she  has  received  raptures  and  been  accus¬ 
tomed  to  receive  other  favors ;  for  the  more  she  becomes  dis¬ 
engaged  from  creatures,  the  more  highly  is  she  favored,  con¬ 
sidering,  too,  how  when  our  Lord  enters  a  soul  He  can  sanc¬ 
tify  her  in  a  moment  ?  This  I  desire  to  know,  for  I  do  not 
understand  it,  though  I  know  well  there  is  a  difference  be¬ 
tween  the  strength  which  these,  raptures  give  in  the  begin¬ 
ning,  when  they  continue  only  for  the  twinkling  of  an  eye, 
and  between  the  strength  which  the  soul  receives  when  they 
continue  longer.  But  the  doubt  often  occurs  to  me,  whether 
the  cause  of  this  may  not  be,  that  the  soul  does  not  give  herself 
up  entirely  to  Grod,  till  His  Majesty  leads  her  little  by  little, 
and  makes  her  determine  at  once,  and  gives  her  the  strength 
of  a  full-grown  man,  that  so  she  may  trample  everything  un¬ 
der  her  feet,  just  as  Mary  Magdalen  did  so  quickly.  And 
18 


206 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


so  does  He  do  to  others,  in  proportion  as  they  co-operate 
with  Him,  and  as  they  allow  His  Majesty  to  dispose  of  them 
according  to  His  own  good  pleasure  ;  for  we  cannot  but  be¬ 
lieve,  that  even  in  this  life  God  rewards  us  a  hundredfold. 

I  thought  also  of  this  comparison  :  that  supposing  what  is 
given  to  beginners  as  well  as  to  proficients  be  all  the  same, 
ft  is  like  a  delicious  viand  whereof  many  persons  eat ;  that 
they  who  eat  little  retain  the  sweet  taste  of  it  only  for  a 
short  time,  and  they  who  eat  more  are  enabled  to  subsist, 
but  that  they  who  feed  plentifully  on  it  receive  life  and 
strength.  A  soul  may  even  feed  so  often  and  so  fully  on 
this  food  of  life,  as  to  have  no  relish  at  all  for  anything  but 
that  food,  because  she  derives  great  benefit  therefrom.  Her 
taste  also  is  so  accustomed  to  this  sweetness,  that  she  would 
rather  cease  to  exist  than  feed  on  other  things,  all  of  which 
would  only  serve  to  take  away  the  good  taste  which  the  for¬ 
mer  food  left  on  her  lips.  Besides,  the  conversation  and 
company  of  a  holy  person  does  not  do  us  so  much  good  in 
one  day  as  in  many ;  but  we  may,  by  the  Divine  assistance, 
become  like  unto  Him  by  remaining  long  with  Him.  Finally, 
the  chief  point  depends  upon  God,  to  whom  and  when  He  is 
pleased  to  give  His  graces  :  but  it  is  important  to  remember, 
that  he  who  begins  to  receive  this  favor  must  resolve  to  dis¬ 
engage  himself  from  everything,  and  to  esteem  the  favors  of 
our  Lord  as  highly  as  they  deserve. 

It  also  seems  to  me  as  if  His  Majesty  were  resolved  to 
try  who  they  are  that  love  Him— whether  this  soul  or  that : 
and  that  He  likewise  wishes  to  discover  who  He  is  Himself, 
by  giving  us  such  excessive  delights  to  quicken  our  faith,  if 
it  should  be  dead  or  weak,  about  those  blessings  He  intends 
to  give  the  soul ;  and  He  says :  “  Behold !  this  is  but  a  drop 
of  that  immense  ocean  of  blessing  which  I  mean  to  give  to 
those  that  love  Me.”  And  when  He  sees  that  we  receive 
them  as  He  gives  them,  He  then  gives  us  Himself.  He  loves 
those  who  love  Him:  and  what  a  good  friend,  and  who  more 
worthy  to  be  loved !  0  Lord  of  my  soul !  who  will  give  me 

words  that  I  might  make  men  understand  what  Thou  dost 
give  to  those  who  trust  in  Thee,  and  what  they  lose  who 
arrive  at  this  state  and  yet  remain  attached  to  themselves'? 
Do  not  permit  this,  0  Lord !  since  Thou  dost  so  much  in 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


207 


coming  to  so  wicked  a  place  as  my  heart.  Be  Thou  blessed 
forever  and  ever. 

And  now  I  wish  to  entreat  your  Reverence,  that  should 
you  mention  these  matters  on  prayer,  concerning  which  I 
have  written,  you  would  do  so  only  to  spiritual  persons  ^be¬ 
cause  if  they  understand  only  one  way,  or  have  remained 
stationary  half-way,  they  cannot  judge  correctly.  There  are 
some  whom  God  quickly  raises  to  a  very  sublime  degiee, 
and  they  may  think  that  others  also  might  arrive  there,  and 
keep  the  understanding  quiet,  without  making  use  of  corpo¬ 
real  objects  as  means;  such  persons,  however,  will  remain 
as  dry  as  a  stick.  And  some  who  have  enjoyed  a  little  the 
Prayer  of  Quiet,  presently  imagine,  that  as  they  have  reached 
one  degree  they  may  reach  the  other ;  but  these,  instead  of 
advancing,  go  backwards,  as  I  have  mentioned  before. 
Thus,  in  all  these  matters  both  experience  and  prudence 
are  necessary ;  and  may  our  Lord  in  ‘his  goodness  grant 
them  to  us. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

rHE  SAINT  RESUMES  THE  HISTORY  OF  HER ‘LIFE,  AND  TELLS  US  HOW 
SHE  BEGAN  TO  AIM  AT  GREATER  PERFECTION,  AND  THE  MEANS  SHE 
EMPLOYED  FOR  THIS  PURPOSE. 

I  NOW  wish  to  return  to  the  place  where  I  left  off  speak¬ 
ing  of  my  life  for  I  have  dwelt  on  other  matters  longer  I 
think  than  I  ought,  in  order  that  what  is  now  to  follow  may 
be  the  better  understood.  Henceforth  this  will  be  another 
new  book :  I  mean,  another  new  life.  Hitherto  it  was  my 
life :  but  since  I  began  to  explain  these  points  respecting 
prayer,  the  life  I  have  lived  since  then  is  that  when  God 
lived  in  me,  as  far  as  seemed  to  me;  because  otherwise  I 
consider  it  impossible  for  me  to  have  left  off,  in  so  short  a 
time,  such  evil  customs  and  actions.  May  our  Lord  be 
praised  for  having  delivered  me  from  myself.  When  I  began 
to  avoid  the  occasions  of  sin,  and  to  give  myself  more  to 


*  The  Saint  left  off  the  history  of  her  life  at  the  eleventh  chapter. 


208 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


prayer,  our  Lord  began  also  to  confer  favors  upon  me,  as 
one  who  desired  I  should  be  willing  to  receive  them.  His 
Majesty  then  began  to  give  me  very  commonly  the  Prayer 
of  Quiet,  and  often  that  of  Union,  which  continued  a  very 
long  time.  But  when  I  learnt,  that  at  this  time  there  hap¬ 
pened  great  illusions  and  deceits  to  certain  wromen,  which 
came  from  the  devil,  I  began  to  be  afraid,  considering  what 
great  delight  and  sweetness  I  felt,  and  that  often  I  could 
not  avoid  such  things  ;  though  on  the  other  side  I  saw  in  me 
cause  for  very  great  security,  viz.,  that  all  came  from  God, 
especially  when  I  was  in  prayer.  I  saw  also  that  I  was  much 
improved  by  these  favors,  and  acquired  much  greater 
strength.  But  when  a  little  distraction  came  upon  me,  I 
began  to  fear  again  whether  the  devil  might  hot  be  desirous 
of  making  me  imagine  that  it  were  good  to  suspend  the  un¬ 
derstanding,  and  so  deprive  myself  of  the  exercise  of  mental 
prayer,  and  that  I  'might  not  be  able  to  meditate  on  the 
“  Passion,”  nor  make  use  of  my  understanding ;  and  this 
seemed  a  great  loss  to  me.  But  as  His  Majesty  was  now 
pleased  to  give  me  light,  in  (  rder  that  I  might  no  more  offend 
Him,  and  might  see  how  much  I  was  indebted  to  Him,  this 
fear  increased  on  me  in  such  a  manner  as  to  make  me  dili¬ 
gently  search  for  some  spiritual  persons  with  whom  I  could 
speak  on  the  affairs  of  my  soul.  Already  I  had  heard  of 
some ;  for  some  fathers  of  the  Society  of  Jesus  had  come 
into  Spain,*  and  for  this  Order  I  had  great  regard,  without, 
however,  knowing  any  of  the  fathers,  but  for  the  sole  reason 
of  my  knowing  the  kind  of  life  and  prayer  they  practiced. 
But  I  did  not  consider  myself  worthy  to  speak  with  them, 
nor  strong  enough  to  obey  them  ;  and  this  gave  me  great 
fear,  because  to  treat  with  them  on  spiritual  matters,  and 
yet  to  remain  as  I  was,  seemed  to  me  very  foolish  and 
wrong. 

Amidst  such  thoughts  as  these  I  passed  some  time,  till  at 
last  by  the  contest  I  endured  inwardly,  and  through  my 
fears  which  I  still  had,  I  resolved  to  state  my  case  to  a 
spiritual  man,  to  ask  him  what  he  thought  of  the  kind  of 
prayer  I  used,  and  to  enlighten  me  if  he  found  I  was  in 

*  The  Fathers  of  the  Society  came  into  Spain  about  the  year  1553.— 
See  Vol.  VII.  of  the  Bollandists. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


209 


error :  I  also  resolved  to  use  all  possible  diligence  not  to 
offend  God.  Through  my  want  of  courage  I  became  more 
and  more  timid.  0  my  God !  what  a  great  error  it  was  in 
me  to  separate  myself  from  my  God,  in  order  to  become 
good:  In  this  point  the  devil  labors  much,  when  we  are 
beginning  to  acquire  virtue,  because  I  could  not  conquer 
myself  herein.  He  (the  devil)  knows  well,  that  the  sovereign 
means  of  doing  good  to  a  soul,  is  to  seek  advice  from  those 
who  are  the  friends  of  God ;  and  thus  I  could  not  fix  on  any 
time  to  resolve  upon  this.  I  expected  to  reform  myself  first, 
as  I  had  done  before  whem  I  left  off  prayer,  and  perhaps  I 
should  never  have  accomplished  my  object,  for  I  had  already 
fallen  so  deeply  into  certain  bad  habits  (which  I  did  not  know 
were  evil),  that  it  was  necessary  for  me  to  be  assisted  by 
some  one  else,  in  order  to  raise  me  up.  Blessed  be  our  Lord, 
for  His  own  hand  was  the  first  to  help  me. 

When  I  now  perceived  my  fears  to  increase  so  much,  be¬ 
cause  I  was  more  given  to  prayer,  it  seemed  to  me,  that  there 
was  either  some  great  good,  or  some  very  great  evil  involved 
in  my  case,  because  I  was  already  well  aware  that  my  prayer 
was  supernatural,  since  sometimes  I  was  not  able  to  resist  it, 
and  even  when  I  wished  to  obtain  it,  I  could  not.  I  accord¬ 
ingly  thought  that  there  would  be  no  remedy  for  me,  if  I 
did  not  endeavor  to  keep  a  pure  conscience,  and  to  avoid 
every  occasion  of  sin,  even  venial  ones.  If  my  prayer  came 
from  the  Spirit  of  God,  the  benefit  would  be  evident ;  but  if 
from  the  devil,  he  could  do  me  no  hurt  at  all,  but  rather  he 
would  suffer  loss,  if  I  endeavored  to  please  God  and  not 
to  offend  Him.  Having  resolved  upon  this,  and  always 
beseeching  our  Lord  to  assist  me,  though  I  continued  this 
same  course  for  several  days,  yet  I  found  my  soul  had  not 
strength  enough  to  arrive  at  such  perfection  of  herself,  on 
account  of  Some  affection  and  inclination  I  still  had  for 
certain  things,  which  though  not  very  bad  in  themselves,  yet 
were  sufficient  to  spoil  everything. 

A  certain  priest  in  this  place  was  mentioned  to  me,  who 
was  a  learned  man,  and  whose  virtue  and  good  life  our  Lord 
began  to  discover  to  the  public ;  I  accordingly  endeavored 
to  become  acquainted  with  this  ecclesiastic,  by  means  of  a 
holy  individual  who  lived  in  the  same  town.  This  gentle- 
18* 


210  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

• 

man  was  married  ;  but  his  life  was  so  exemplary  and  virtuous, 
and  so  charitable  was  he  and  given  to  prayer,  that  all  men 
admired  his  goodness  and  perfection ;  and  with  reason, 
because  many  souls  obtained  great  good  through  his  means, 
and  by  the  excellent  abilities  he  had ;  for  though  they  did 
not  assist  him  in  increasing  his  fortune,  still  he  did  not  refuse 
to  employ  them  for  the  good  of  others.  He  had  an  excellent 
understanding,  and  was  mild  and  kind  to  every  one  ;  his  con¬ 
versation  was  n^t  troublesome,  but  so  sweet  and  agreeable, 
as  well  as  just  and  holy,  that  every  one  was  delighted  who 
spoke  to  him  ;  he  directed  all  things  for  the  greater  good  of 
those  souls  with  whom  he  conversed  ;  and,  indeed,  he  seemed 
to  have  no  other  aim  or  desire,  but  to  give  pleasure  to  every 
one,  and  to  do  all  for  them  that  they  allowed  him.  Now  I 
do  believe  that  this  holy  and  blessed  man,  by  his  care  and 
attention,  was  chiefly  instrumental  in  the  salvation  of  my 
soul.  I  am  astonished  at  his  humility  in  wishing  to  see  me, 
for  I  think  he  had  spent  little  less  than  forty  years  in  the 
practice  of  mental  prayer  (perhaps  not  quite  so  long  by  two 
or  three  years),  and  he  led  a  life  of  perfection,  such  as  his 
station  seemed  to  allow.  His  wife  was  also  a  great  servant 
of  God,  and  so  charitable,  that  he  lost  nothing  by  her.  In 
fine,  he  chose  her  for  his  wife  as  being  one  whom  God  knew 
to  be  fit  for  so  great  a  servant  of  His.  Some  of  his  kindred 
were  married  to  some  relations  of  mine.  I  was  likewise 
well  acquainted  with  another  great  servant  of  God,  who  was 
married  to  a  cousin  of  mine ;  and  by  means  of  this  person, 
I  managed  that  this  priest,  who  was  his  great  friend,  and 
such  a  great  servant  of  God  likewise,  should  come  and 
speak  with  me,  for  I  intended  to  make  my  confession  to  him, 
and  take  him  for  my  director.  The  gentleman  then  before 
mentioned,  having  introduced  him  to  me,  I  was  extremely 
confused  to  see  myself  in  the  presence  of  so  holy  a  man : 
I  gave  him,  however,  an  account  of  my  life  and  prayer,  for 
he  excused  himself  from  hearing  my  confession,  saying,  “  that 
he  was  then  very  busy,”  and  so  he  was.  He  began  with  a 
holy  resolution  to  guide  me,  as  he  would  one  who  was  strong, 
and  I  ought  to  have  been  so  (considering  the  kind  of  prayer 
I  believed  I  was  using) ;  and  this  he  did  that  I  might  not  offend 
God  in  any  way  whatever.  But  I  was  much  troubled  when 


211 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

1  so  soon  perceived  what  his  resolution  was  with  regard  to 
those  little  practices  which,  as  1  have  said,  I  had  not  the 
courage  to  leave  off  immediately  in  a  perfect  manner :  and 
when  I  also  saw  that  he  meant  to  settle  the  affairs  of  my 
soul  as  it  were  all  at  once,  then  I  was  convinced  that  I  stood 
in  need  of  much  more  care  and  consideration.  In  a  word, 
I  clearly  understood  that  the  means  he  prescribed  were  not 
those  which  would  supply  a  remedy,  for  they  were  only  fit 
for  a  more  perfect  soul  than  mine.  And  though,  as  regards 
myself,  I  had  advanced  by  having  received  favors  from  God, 
yet  I  -was  but  just  beginning  to  acquire  virtue  and  mortifi¬ 
cation.  And  I  certainly  believe,  that  if  I  had  had  no  one 
else  to  consult  with  but  this  person,  my  soul  would  never 
have  improved  ;  because,  through  the  affliction  it  gave  me  to 
see  how  I  did  not  and  could  not  (as  I  thought)  do  that  which 
he  told  me,  it  was  enough  to  make  me  despair  and  give  up 
everything.  Sometimes  I  wonder  that  as  this  holy  priest 
had  a  particular  facility  in  winning  souls  to  God,  His  Majesty 
was  not  pleased  to  give  him  a  knowledge  of  my  soul,  nor  to 
allow  him  to  take  the  care  of  it.  But  1  now  see  that  all 
this  happened  for  my  greater  good,  that  so  I  might  come  to 
know  and  converse  with  such  holy  men  as  they  are  who  belong 
to  the  Society  of  Jesus. 

In  the  mean  time  I  made  an  agreement  with  the  saintly 
gentleman  of  whom  I  spoke,  that  now  and  then  he  should 
come  and  visit  me':  herein  I  discovered  his  great  humility, 
since  he  was  pleased  to  converse  with  such  a  wicked  creature 
as  n^self.  He  accordingly  began  to  visit  me  and  en¬ 
courage  me ;  and  he  told  me,  that  I  must  not  think  of 
delivering  myself  from  all  my  imperfections  in  one  day,  but 
•  that  God  would  do  it  by  little  and  little ;  and  that  He  him¬ 
self  had  been  whole  years  in  correcting  some  very  little 
faults,  not  having  been  able  to  do  the  work  sooner.  0 
Humility!  what  great  blessings  dost  thou  bestow  on  those 
with  whom  thou  remainest,  and  even  upon  those  who  only 
approach  the  possessors  of  it !  This  saint  (and,  in  my 
opinion,  I  may  well  give  him  this  name)  related  certain 
things  to  me,  which,  through  his  humility,  seemed  weak¬ 
nesses  to  him,  but  he  did  so  for  my  cure  :  considering  his 
state  of  life,  they  were  neither  faults  nor  imperfections )  but 


212 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


for  me,  it  was  a  very  great  fault  to  be  subject  to  them.  1 
do  not  speak  thus  without  a  reason,  though  perhaps  I  enlarge 
too  much  about  those  little  trifles  ;  but  they  are  so  important 
for  enabling  a  soul  to  gain  profit,  and  for  teaching  her  to  fly, 
though  she  may  scarcely  have  any  feathers  (as  the  saying  is), 
that  no  one  who  has  not  had  experience  thereof,  will  believe 
what  I  say.  I  mention  these  things  here,  because  I  hope  in 
God  that  your  Reverence  will  derive  profit  from  them  ;  for 
all  my  health  consisted  in  discovering  the  means  of  curing 
myself,  and  in  my  director’s  exercising  humility  and  charity 
towards  me,  and  bearing  patiently  with  me  for  not  correcting 
myself  entirely  and  immediately.  I  began  to  conceive  so 
high  a  regard  for  this  priest,  (for  he  used  great  discretion, 
and  this  by  little  and  little,  and  showed  me  the  way  to  over¬ 
come  the  devil),  that  I  could  not  experience  greater  comfort 
than  when  I  saw  him,  though  it  was  but  seldom.  When  he 
delayed  his  visits  I  was  then  much  troubled,  thinking  that 
perhaps  he  did  not  come  to  see  me  because  I  -was  so  wicked. 

When  he  came  to  know  my  great  imperfections  (whieh 
perhaps  might  have  been  sins),  and  after  I  had  spoken  to 
him,  I  was  much  improved  ;  and  when  1  also  mentioned  to 
him  the  favors  God  had  bestowed  upon  me,  in  order  that  he 
might  enlighten  me,  he  told  me,  that  they  did  not  agree  with 
each  other,  and  that  such  favors  were  only  fit  for  persons 
who  were  already^  very  far  advanced,  and  were  very  mortified  ; 
that  for  his  part  he  could  not  help  being  greatly  afraid, 
because  there  seemed  to  him  to  be  an  “  evil  spirit  ”  in  some 
things,  though  he  could  not  be  absolutely  sure  such  wj^  the 
case ;  but  he  wished  me  to  consider  wrell  what  I  knew 
respecting  my  prayer,  and  to  relate  all  the  circumstances  to 
him.  Now  here  was  the  difficulty  ;  for  I  neither  knew  much, 
nor  could  I  tell  much,  respecting  the  nature  of  my  prayer, 
for  it  is  only  a  short  time  ago  since  God  granted  me  the  favor 
rsf  understanding  my  prayer,  and  knowing  how  to  speak  of 
t.  When  he  spoke  in  this  manner  to  me,  great  was  my 
dfiiction,  and  many  the  tears  I  shed,  through  the  fear  I  had  ; 
for  I  certainly  desired  to  serve  and  please  God,  and  I  could 
not  persuade  myself  that  this  came  from  the  devil :  I  only 
feared,  lest  through  my  great  sins,  our  Lord  might  blind  me, 
so  that  I  could  not  understand  my  state.  T-arning  over  one 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


il3 

day  some  books,  to  see  if  I  could  meet  with  anything  con¬ 
cerning  my  prayer,  I  found  in  one,  which  is  called  “  The  Ascent 
to  the  Monntain  ”  (that  is,  relating  to  the  union  of  a  soul 
with  God),  all  the  proofs  of  what  I  used  to  say  so  often,  viz., 
that  I  could  not  think  of  anything  when  I  was  in  that  kind 
of  prayer.  I  marked  with  lines  those  places  where  the 
passages  were  to  be  found,  and  then  I  gave  him  the  book, 
that  so  both  he  himself,  and  the  other  holy  priest  and  servant 
of  God  (of  whom  I  have  spoken),  might  peruse  it,  and  tell 
me  what  I  was  to  do,  and  whether  it  was  their  opinion  I 
should  give  up  my  prayer  altogether.  Why  should  I  expose 
myself  to  those  dangers,  if  now,  after  having  used  this  kind 
of  prayer  for  almost  twenty  yeaas,  I  had  derived  no  other 
benefit  from  it  than  to  be  imposed  upon  by  the  devil  ?  It 
would  be  better  for  me  not  to  practice  this  pray  er  at  all, 
though  this  would  be  a  hard  case  for  me,  since  I  had  already 
found  by  experience  what  a  state  my  soul  was  in  without 
prayer.  Thus  everything  now  seemed  wretched  and  mis¬ 
erable  to  me  ;  I  was  like  one  who  having  been  cast  into  a 
river,  saw  more  and  more  danger  on  whatever  side  he  should 
go,  and  so  was  almost  on  the  point  of  being  drowned.  This 
state  is  a  very  great  affliction  ;  and  of  such  afflictions  I  have 
endured  many,  as  I  shall  afterwards  relate.  And  though 
what  I  say  may  seem  to  be  of  little  importance,  yet  it  may 
prove  of  some  use  towards  understanding  how  a  soul  is  to  be 
tried.  The  affliction  which  is  endured  in  these  cases  is  indeed 
great ;  and  much  prudence  is  necessary,  especially  when  men 
have  to  treat  with  women,  for  our  weakness  is  very  great ; 
and  great  mischief  may  be  done  by  telling  us,  that  such 
and  such  a  thing  come  from  the  devil,  without  at  the  same 
time  considering  the  matter  very  carefully,  removing  us  from 
all  possible  dangers,  and  advising  us  to  keep  things  private  ; 
and  it  is  proper  that  the  men  themselves  should  be  careful 
in  this  respect.  I  speak  on  this  subject  as  one  who  has  had  • 
great  trouble,  because  I  could  not  find  proper  persons  with 
whom  to  consult  concerning  my  prayer ;  I  could  only  ask 
this  or  that  individual  what  he  thought  would  be  for  my  good  ; 
but  they  did  me  great  harm.  And  many  things  have  become 
public  which  ought  to  have  remained  private,  since  they  are 
not  fit  for  every  one  to  know ;  and,  besides,  it  may  seem  as 


214 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


if  they  had  been  divulged  by  me.  But  I  believe  these 
people  made  such  matters  public  without  any  fault  on  their 
side  ;  and  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  permit  this  to  happen, 
that  so  I  might  suffer.  I  am  far  from  saying  that  what 
passed  between  us  in  confession  was  made  public.  But  as 
they  were  the  persons  to  whom  I  gave  an  account  of  my  prayer, 
being  moved  thereto  by  my  fears,  that  so  they  might  enlighten 
me,  I  think  they  might  have  kept  silence.  However,  I  never 
could  venture  to  conceal  anything  from  such  persons.  I  say, 
therefore,  that  such  souls  must  be  discreetly  advised  and 
animated,  waiting  till  our  Lord  shall  ,  help  them,  as  He  did 
me ;  and  if  He  had  not  done  so,  I  should  have  suffered  very 
gpftat  harm  on  account  of  my  fears  and  apprehensions;  and 
especially  considering  how  much  I  was  subject  to  palpita¬ 
tion  of  the  heart,  I  wonder  I  did  not  receive  more  injury. 

When  I  delivered  this  book,  and  had  given  him  an  account 
Gf  my  life  and  sins  as  best  I  could,  in  a  general  way,  for  I 
did  not  make  a  confession,  because  he  was  a  layman,  though 
yet  I  made  him  understand  how  wicked  I  was  ;  these  two 
servants  of  God  considered,  with  great  charity  and  love, 
what  was  proper  to  be  done.  The  answer  having  come, 
which  I  was  expecting  with  great  fear,  and  having  re¬ 
quested  many  persons  to  recommend  me  to  God,  besides 
praying  myself  during  all  those  days  with  much  affliction, 
the  gentleman  came  to  me  and  told  me,  the  opinion  of  both 
of  them  was,  that  my  prayer  was  a  delusion  of  the  devil, 
and  that  the  best  thing  to  do  would  be  to  speak  on  the  matter 
to  a  certain  father  of  the  Society  of  Jesus;  for,  if  I  would 
invite  him  to  call  on  me,  and  tell  him  how  I  was  situated, 
he  would  most  certainly  come ;  that  I  should  give  him  an 
account  of  my  wholo  life  by  making  a  general  confession, 
and  explain  everything  with  great  clearness,  and  that  then, 
in  virtue  of  the  sacrament  of  P«iance,  God  would  give  him 
*  more  light  to  guide  me  :  that  the  Fathers  were  men  of  great 
experience  in  spiritual  matters,  and  that  it  would  be  well  to 
be  careful  in  not  departing  from  what  they  told  me,  for  if  I 
had  no  one  to  direct  me,  that  I  should  expose  myself  to  great 
danger.  These  words  filled  me  with  so  much  fear  and  pain, 
that  I  knew  not  what  to  do  :  I  did  nothing  but  weep.  And 
being  one  day  in  an  oratory  full  of  trouble,  and  not  knowing 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


215 


what  would  become  of  me,  I  read  in  a  book,  which  it  seems 
our  Lord  put  into  my  hands,  these  words  of  St.  Paul :  “  God 
is  faithful,  and  will  not  suffer  us  to  be  tempted  above  our 
strength.”  I  was  comforted  exceedingly  by  these  words, 
and  began  to  consider  about  making  my  general  confession, 
and  to  put  in  writing  all  the  sins  and  blessings,  and  the 
whole  history  of  my  life,  as  clearly  as  I  knew  how,  without 
omitting  anything.  I  remember,  that  when  I  read  over  what 
I  had  written,  and  saw  how  many  sins  I  had  committed,  and 
that  I  had  done  hardly  any  good  action,  I  was  grieved  and 
afflicted  exceedingly.  I  was  also  troubled  that  the  people  of 
the  house  should  see  me  conversing  with  such  holy  men  as 
those  of  the  Society  of  Jesus  are,  for  I  was  afraid  of  my 
own  wickedness ;  and  I  thought  I  should  be  obliged  to  be 
wicked  no  more,  and  that  I  should  give  up  my  idle  conversa¬ 
tions,  and  that  if  I  did  not,  it  would  be  worse  for  me  ;  and 
so  I  prevailed  on  the  portress  and  the  sacristan  not  to  speak 
to  any  one.  But  this  precaution  was  of  little  use,  for  there 
happened  to  be  one  at  the  gate,  when  I  was  called,  who  pub¬ 
lished  it  all  over  the  convent.  But  what  difficulties  and 
troubles  does  the  devil  raise  against  those  who  desire  to 
approach  near  to  God  ! 

After  I  had  spoken  with  this  great  servant  of  God  con¬ 
cerning  my  soul,  and  had  given  him  an  account  of  my  whole 
life,  he  told  me  what  everything  was  as  one  well  acquainted 
with  this  language  ;*  and  he  encouraged  me  much,  and  told 
me  that  my  prayer  was  very  evidently  from  the  Spirit  of 
God,  but  that  I  must  return  to  it  again,  because  I  was  not 
well  grounded  therein  ;  nor  had  I  so  much  as  begun  to  know 
what  mortification  was.  This  was  very  true,  for  it  seems  I 
hardly  understood  even  the  name.  He  told  me  also,  that  I 
must  on  no  account  give  up  my  prayer,  but  rather  apply  more 
diligently  thereto,  since  God  had  bestowed  on  me  such  par¬ 
ticular  favors.  Who  could  tell  (he  said)  whether  our  Lord 
might  not  be  pleased  to  do  good  to  many  souls  through  your 
means  ?  Other  things  also  he  mentioned  to  me  in  such  a 
way,  that  he  seems  to  have  prophesied  what  our  Lord  was 
pleased  to  do  with  me  afterwards.  And  I  should  deserve 


*  That  is,  the  language  of  supernatural  prayer. 


216 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


much  blame  if  I  corresponded  not  with  those  favors  which 
our  Lord  showed  me.  In  all  things  it  seemed  to  me,  that 
the  Holy  Spirit  spoke  by  this  Father  for  the  cure  of  my  soul 
so  deeply  was  everything  he  said  imprinted  therein  He 
made  me  greatly  confused,  and  gave  me  such  directions,  that 
lie  seemed  to  change  me  into  quite  another  person.  So  verv 
important  is  it  to  understand  a  soul.  He  told  me  to  meditate 
every  day  on  some  part  of  the  Passion,  and  that  I  should 
profit  much  thereby ;  that  I  should  dwell  only  on  His  sacred 
Humanity,  and  should  resist  as  much  as  possible  those  re¬ 
collections  and  caresses,  and  not  give  way  to  them  till  he 
should  speak  to  me  again  on  the  subject.  He  left  me  both 
comforted  and  strengthened,  and  our  Lord  assisted  both  me 
and  him,  m  order  that  he  might  understand  my  state,  and 
.  ow  1  was  ke  guided.  I  also  firmly  resolved  not  to  depart 
m  .way  from  what  he  should  command  me :  and  in  this 
resolution  I  have  continued  till  now.  May  our  Lord  be 
praised  for  having  given  me  grace  to  obey  my  confessors, 
though  so  imperfectly;  and  these  have  almost  always  been 
those  holy  men  belonging  to  the  Society  of  Jesus,  though, 
as  I  have  said,  I  followed  their  advice  imperfectly.  But  mv 

relatebe^al*  eVldentl;5r  to  be  much  imPr°ved,  as  I  will  now 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 


TIIE  SAHJT  CONTINUES  THE  HISTORY  OP  HER  LIFE,  AND  TELLS  U 

cHo°n™SOUL  WAS  IMPR0VED  AETER  she  began  to  obey  he: 


After  this  confession  my  soul  became  so  tractable,  that 
it  seemed  there  could  be  nothing  which  I  would  not  willingly 
embrace :  and  so  I  soon  began  to  change  in  many  things,  though 
my  director  did  not  press  me  much,  but  rather  seemed  to 
make  little  account  of  everything. 

This  treatment  had  the  more  effect  upon  me,  because  he 
guided  me  by  the  method  of  loving  God ;  and  he  gave  me 
also  more  liberty,  and  told  me  I  should  not  gain  a  reward 
unless  I  did  everything  through  love.  In  the  meantime  I 


Life  OF  STo 


217 


TERESA. 

power  to  resist3' ttTfevore  “nd^areT^of  God  “T"  h“ 

what  I  was  before  Still  1  0.11  1  *  ^rooming,  considering 

to  by  my  habifand  pS„f  By  reltTnftLT 

God  I  gained  this  much— that  tt;3^  m  ■  !g  ,the  caresses  of 

struck,?;  for  before  k  see, Z?  tT  I  “ajes  V  became  “yin- 

era  a 

much  pains  in  resisting  that  ^  S?  14  was'  ^  took  so 

and  yet  our  Lord  even  then  to  T"  qMte  a  troub,e  to  me ! 

fts  lit  rJs£ •' f >“  • = 2  ft  S 

kind  of  love  for  the  most  s*ip  Jit  t0  conce^ve  a  new 

my  prayer  began  to  “ettle ifeetf “jjT^  °f  ,°Ur  L“d  i  »d 
mortar  in  it :  I  also  felt  nmw  •  r  a  + c  which  has 

I  had  grown ^carel/ss^(m°nppnC1fedr0  do^>enanc>e?  wherein 
But  this  holy  man  to  whom  T  ^  °f  great  lnfirmities. 

that  some  penances  would  dn  “a  COnfessiou>  ‘<>ld  me, 
perhaps  afflicted  me  so  much  T  ha™’'  that  God  had 
not  wisk  to  do  any  myself  He  0  &  ^T®’  since  1  did 

«™  %?z?r 

sat  s  r/CiLssr  « 
KftijBJSs!  sn:  rsr  xFS 

I  wore  anything  superfluous  about  me  I  was  urfahlp  +  f 
collect  myself  till  I  had  cast  it  nff  t  1  •.  b)  to  re~ 

19  Cast  xt  off*  1  P^yed  much  to  our 


218 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


Lord  that  He  would  protect  me,  and  that  since  I  conversed 
with  His  servants  He  would  not  permit  me  to  fall  back  again, 
for  I  thought  that  would  indeed  be  a  great  offence,  and  that 
they  might  lose  their  good  name  on  my  account.. 

About  this  time  there  came  to  Avila,  Father  Francis  Bor¬ 
gia,*  who  had  been  Luke  of  Gandia,  and  who  some  years 
before  had  abandoned  the  world,  and  entered  the  Society  of 
Jesus.  My  confessor,  and  also  the  gentleman  (of  whom  I 
have  spoken  before),  wished  me  to  speak  to  this  Father,  and 
give  him  an  account  of  my  prayer,  for  they  knew  that  he 
was  already  far  advanced  in  being  highly  favored  and  ca¬ 
ressed  by  God  ;  and  that  as  he  had  abandoned  everything 
for  His  sake,  our  Lord  wished  to  repay  him  even  in  this 
life.  When  Father  Francis  had  heard  me,  he  told  me  that 
my  prayer  came  from  the  Spirit  of  God,  and  that  it  was  his 
opinion  I  should  no  longer  resist  His  favors,  though  till  then 
he  thought  1  had  done  right  in  doing  so.  He  recommended 
me  likewise  always  to  begin  my  prayer  by  meditating  on 
some  part  of  the  Passion,  and  that  if  afterwards  our  Lord 
should  elevate  my  soul,  I  should  not  resist,  but  suffer  His 
Majesty  to  carry  it  away,  provided  however  I  did  not  en¬ 
deavor  to  procure  the  rapture.  Being  far  advanced  himself 
in  this  way,  he  gave  me  both  medicine  and  advice ;  for  in 
such  matters  experience  is  very  important.  He  told  me  also, 
that  it  would  be  an  error  to  resist  any  longer.  These  words 
consoled  me  greatly,  as  well  as  the  gentleman  ;  for  he  re¬ 
joiced  exceedingly  to  hear  Father  Borgia  say,  that  my  prayer 
came  from  God :  he  always  assisted  me,  and  gave  me  advice 
as  far  as  he  could,  which  was  very  great. 

About  this  time  my  confessor  Avas  ordered  by  his  superiors 
to  go  to  another  place,  and  this  circumstance  troubled  me 
much,  for  I  thought  I  should  become  picked  again ;  and 
it  seemed  impossible  to  find  another  like  him.  My  soul  ap¬ 
peared  as  if  dwelling  in  a  desert,  so  very  sad  and  tearful  was 
she ;  I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  myself.  A  relation  of 
mine  took  me  home  with  her ;  and  I  was  willing  to  go,  in 
order  that  I  might  find  another  confessor  belonging  to  the 

*  See  the  Life  of  this  illustrious  Saint,  in  Alban  Butler,  Oct.  10.  St. 
Francis  succeeded  F.  Laynez  (who  died  in  1565),  as  the  third  General  of 
the  Society. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


219 


Society.  Our  Lord  was  pleased  I  should  then  Zorin  a  friend¬ 
ship  with  a  certain  lady,  a  widow  of  quality,  and  one  given 
to  prayer,. who  was  very  intimate  with  the  Fathers  of  the 
Society.  She  induced  me  to  confess  to  her  own  director,  and 
I  remained  for  some  days  in  her  house,  for  she  lived  near  me. 

I  was  delighted  to  be  able  often  to  converse  with  those 
Fathers,  for  the  mere  knowledge  of  the  sanctity  of  their 
conversation  was  a  great  advantage  which  my  soul  expe¬ 
rienced.  This  Father  began  to  put  me  in  the  way  of  greater 
perfection,  telling  me  that  I  should  omit  doing  nothing,  that 
so  I  might  give  the  greatest  pleasure  to  God.  This  he  told 
me  with  great  prudence  and  sweetness,  for  my  soul  was  not 
yet  strong  in  anything,  but  very  tender,  especially  in  giving 
up  certain  friendships  which  1  had  then  formed  ;  for  though 
I  did  not  thereby  offend  G<  d,  yet  the  affection  I  had  for  the 
persons  was  very  great,  and  it  seemed  ungrateful  in  me  to 
break  off  their  friendship ;  and  so  I  told  him,  that  since  our 
Lord  was  not  offended,  why  should  I  become  ungrateful  ? 
He  replied,  “  I  should  do  well  to  recommend  the  matter  to 
God  for  some  days,  and  to  recite  the  hymn  c  Veni  Creator," 
that  so  the  Holy  Ghost  might  enlighten  me  to  do  what  was 
the  best.”  Having  then  one  day  prayed  a  long  time,  and 
humbly  besought  our  Lord  to  help  me  to  please  Him  in  all 
things,  I  began  to  recite  the  hymn :  and  while  I  was  saying 
it,  a  rapture  came  on  me  so  suddenly  that  I  almost  lost  my¬ 
self.  And  of  this  I  could  not  doubt,  for  it  was  very  evident ; 
and  it  was  also  the  very  first  time  our  Lord  gave  me  the 
favor  of  a  rapture  :  then  I  heard  these  words  :  “  I  do  not 
wish  you  to  converse  with  men,  but  with  angels.”  I  was 
much  amazed  at  this  occurrence,  for  the  commotion  of  my 
soul  was  great ;  and  these  words  were  spoken  to  me  in  the 
very  interior  of  my  heart,  so  that  they  made  me  afraid, 
though,  on  the  other  hand,  they  gave  me  great  consolation, 
which  remained  with  me  after  my  fears  had  left  me  ;  and  this 
fear  had,  in  my  opinion,  produced  the  strange  novelty. 

These  w'ords  have  been  strictly  accomplished  ;  for  never 
afterwards  have  I  been  able  to  form  any  friendship,  nor  to 
feel  any  consolation,  or  particular  love  for  any  one,  except 
for  those  persons  who  I  knew  adhered  to  God  and  endeav¬ 
ored  to  serve  Him.  Nor  is  it  now  in  my  power,  neither  does 


220 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

it  matter  whether  any  of  these  be  friends  or  relations ,  for 
if  I  find  that  this  or  that  person  is  not  a  servant  of  God,  and 
not  given  to  prayer,  it  is  a  heavy  cross  for  me  *°,sPeak  '''t  l 
him  This  is  the  very  truth,  as  far  as  I  can  judge.  Fro™ 
that  day  I  have  remained  full  of  courage  and  resolution  to 
abandon  all  things  for  God,  as  if  He  had  been  pleased  in 
that  moment  (and  it  seemed  to  be  no  more  than  a  moment) 
to  make  His  servant  become  quite  another  creature.  _  Thus 
there  was  no  longer  any  necessity  to  command  me  m  this 
respect,  for  when  my  confessor  found  me  so  determined, 
did  not  venture  expressly  to  tell  me  I  should  do  it. 
waited  till  our  Lord  should  be  pleased  to  do  it  Himself,  as 
He  did  indeed.  And  never  did  I  imagine  I  should  succeed 
for  already  I  had  used  some  endeavors  for  this  purpose,  a.nd 
so  great  was  the  affliction  I  endured,  that  I  resolved  to  give 
up  the  attempt,  as  being  inconvenient  to  continue.  But  n  J 
our  Lord  gave  me  both  liberty  and  power  to  put  it  in  execu 
tion.  This  circumstance  I  told  to  my  confessor,  and  I  gave 
up  everything  according  as  I  had  been  coimnan  e  . 
him  no  little  good,  whom  I  had  consulted,  to  behold  what  a 
resolution  I  had  taken.  May  God  be  praised  forever  who 
gave  me  in  a  moment  that  power  and  liberty  which  before 
had  not  been  able  to  procure  with  all  the  diligence  I  had 
used  for  many  years;  for  I  had  so  often  exerted  all  my 
strength,  that  my  health  was  thereby  considerably  injured 
But  as  He  has  accomplished  it,  who  is  all-powerful  and  truly 
the  Lord  of  all  things,  I  now  suffer  no  pain  whatever. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 


SHE  TREATS  OP  THE  WAT  HOW  THOSE  WORDS  A“  “ 

BE  UNDERSTOOD,  WHICH  GOD  COMMUNICATES  TO  THE  SOUL  WITH 

OUT  ANY  VOICE  OR  SOUND  BEING  HEARD. 


I  THINK  it  would  be  well  to  explain  here  what  kind  of 
speech  that  is  which  God  makes  use  of  to  the  soul,  and  what 
she  feels,  that  so  your  Reverence  may  understand  it ;  tor 
from  the  time  when  our  Lord  did  me  this  favor  (which  1  have 
mentioned),  it  often  happens  to  me  even  now,  as  you  will  see 


221 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

by  what  follows.  They  are  certain  words  very  distinctly 
formed  in  the  soul,  which,  though  not  heard  with  the  cor¬ 
poreal  ears,  are  understood  much  more  expressly  and  clearly 
than  if  they  were  so  heard :  nor  can  the  soul  avoid  under¬ 
standing  them,  and  giving  her  whole  attention  to  them  :  and 
it  is  useless  to  resist,  however  much  we  may  strive.  When 
in  this  world  we  do  not  wish  to  hear,  we  can  stop  our  ears, 
or  else  attend  to  other  things,  in  such  a  way,  that  though  we 
may  hear  the  words,  yet  we  shall  not  understand  them.  But 
when  God  speaks  to  the  soul,  there  is  no  remedy  whatever, 
but  we  are  made  to  listen  to  the  words  whether  we  will  or 
no ;  and  the  understanding  is  obliged  to  be  very  attentive, 
in  order  comprehend  them.  Thus,  whether  we  wish  or  no, 
God  wishes  we  should  understand  Him ;  and  because  He  is 
all-powerful,  that  which  He  resolves  must  be  done,  and  so 
He  is  known  as  the  true  Lord  of  us  all.  Of  this  tnlth  1 
have  had  much  experience,  for  the  resistance  I  made  con¬ 
tinued  almost  two  years,  on  account  of  the  fears  I  had  and 
even  now  I  feel  this  fear  sometimes ;  but  resistance  is  of 
little  use. 

I  should  be  glad  to  mention  the  errors  that  may  happen 
here,  though  it  seems  to  me  that  a  person  who  has  great 
experience  would  commit  few  or  none  :  but  this  experience 
must  be  great.  I  should  also  like  to  declare  the  difference 
which  exists  when  the  spirit  is  good,  or  when  it  is  bad,  or 
between  that  which  comes  from  an  imagination  formed  by 
the  understanding  itself  (which  may  happen),  or  between 
what  the  soul  says  to  herself.  I  know  not  whether  this  can 
happen  or  no,  though  even  this  very  day  I  think  it  has  hap¬ 
pened  so.  When  the  words  come  from  God,  I  have  expe¬ 
rienced  their  truth  in  many  things  which  were  told  me  two 
or  three  years  before ;  they  all  proved  true,  and  till  now  not 
one  has  failed.  There  are  also  other  things  by  which  the 
spirit  of  God  is  clearly  seen,  as  I  shall  afterwards  relate. 

To  me  it  seems  that  a  person  who  recommends  some¬ 
thing  to  God  with  great  earnestness,  may  fancy  that  he  fore¬ 
sees  whether  the  affair  will  succeed  or  not :  this  I  say  is  very 
possible.  But  he  who  understands  things  in  the  other  way 
of  which  I  have  spoken,  will  clearly  discover  what  will  hap¬ 
pen,  because  there  is  a  great  difference  between  the  two  ways 
19* 


222 


LIFE  OF  ST-  TERESA. 


of  hearing.  And  if  it  be  something  which  the  understand 
ing  forms,  however  delicately  done,  he  understands  that 
something  is  ordained  and  said.  It  is  jt -si  like  a  person  dis¬ 
coursing  or  listening  to  what  another  suys.  And  the  under¬ 
standing  will  discover,  that  it  does  not  listen  then,  because 

•  it  works ;  and  the  words  which  it  frames  are,  as  it  were, 
mute  and  fantastical,  and  not  delivered  with  the  same  clear¬ 
ness  as  those  others  were.  And  here  it  is  in  our  power  to 
turn  our  attention  to  something  else,  or  to  hold  our  peace 
when  we  speak ;  but  in  the  other  case  we  have  no  such 
power.  There  is  another  sign  much  more  important  than  all 
the  rest :  what  is  said  by  ourselves  produces  no  effect ;  but 
when  our  Lord  speaks,  he  utters  both  words  and  produces 
effects  •„  and  though  they  should  not  be  words  of  devotion, 
but  of  reprehension,  they  immediately  dispose  the  soul,  they 
enable  her  to  be  affected,  they  enlighten  her,  regale  her, 
and  satisfy  her.  And  should  she  be  in  a  state  of  dryness, 
commotion,  or  disorder,  these  words  take  it  all  away,  as  it 
were,  with  the  hand :  yea,  and  even  much  better  than  the 
hands  could  do :  for  it  seems  then  our  Lord  wishes  us  to 

*  understand  that  He  is  powerful,  and  that  Ilis  wrords  are 
deeds.  It  seems  to  me,  that  there  is  as  much  difference  as 
there  is  between  one  speaking  or  hearing,  neither  more  nor 
less  ]  for  what  I  speak  I  order  (as  I  have  mentioned)  with 
mv  understanding )  but  if  another  speak  to  me,  I  do  no  more 
than  hear,  without  any  trouble  at  all  to  myself.  In  the  first 
kind  of  words  v7e  cannot  be  certain  if  what  w7e  say  be  the 
truth,  for  we  are  like  men  half  asleep  ;  but  the  other  words 
come  from  a  voice  so  clear,  that  not  one  syllable  of  what  is 
said  is  lost.  And  yet  these  things  happen  sometimes  when 
both  the  understanding  and  the  w7liole  soul  are  in  such  great 
distraction  and  disorder,  that  they  would  never  be  able  to 
form  any  reasonable  discourse.  Hut  the  soul  finds  in  this 
other  discourse  certain  great  and  important  sentences,  so 
well  arranged,  that  though  she  were  ever  so  perfectly  recol¬ 
lected,  she  would  be  unable  to  produce  such  :  and  yet  at  the 
very  first  word  thereof  (as  I  have  said)  a  total  change  is  pro¬ 
duced  in  her !  Especially  if  the  soul  be  in  a  rapture,  when 
the  powers  are  suspended,  how  will  those  things  be  under¬ 
stood  which  never  came  to  her  memory  before  ?  And  how 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


223 


will  they  come,  then,  when  the  memory  does  not  act,  and 
when  the  imagination  has,  as  it  were,  become  foolish  '? 

But  here  we  must  notice,  that  whenever  either  visions  are 
seen  or  these  words  heard,  it  is  never,  in  my  opinion,  at  that 
time  when  the  soul  is  absorbed  in  the  rapture  itself )  foi  at 
those  periods  (as  I  think  I  mentioned  when  speaking  of  the 
Second  Water)  all  the  powers  are  entirely  lost :  and  hence  we 
can  then,  in  my  opinion,  neither  see,  nor  hear,  nor  under¬ 
stand.  The  soul  is  wholly  in  the  power  of  another  at  that 
time,  but  only  for  a  short*  time ;  and  me  thinks  our  Lord  does 
not  give  her  any  liberty  then  in  anything.  But  when  that 
short  time  has  passed,  the  soul  remains  still  in  the  rapture , 
and  the  reason  is,  because  the  powers  remain  in  such  a  way 
that,  though  they  are  not  lost,  yet  they  hardly  operate  at 
all,  but  are  as  it  were  absorbed,  and  not  able  to  perform  any 
discourses.  But  there  are  so  many  ways  of  discovering  the 
difference  between  what  is  true  and  false,  that  if  the  soul 
should  be  deceived  once,  it  would  not  happen  so  often.  I 
say  also,  that  if  the  soul  have  any  experience,  and  be  careful 
in  observing  what  passes,  she  will  see  the  truth  very  clearly , 
for  besides  all  the  other  ways  whereby  that  will  be  seen 
which  I  have  mentioned,  these  words  produce  no  effect,  nor 
does  the  soul  admit  them  \  but  those  which  come  from  Grod 
she  must  receive,  whether  she  will  or  no.  Neither  does  she 
give  any  credit  to  the  other  words,  but  rather  discovers  that 
they  are  the  effect  of  an  idle  imagination,  just  in  the  same 
way  as  we  should  pay  no  attention  to  whatever  a  madman 
might  say  to  us.  But  the  supernatural  words  are  as  if  we 
were  listening  to  some  very  holy  or  learned  person  of  great 
authority  ;  and  such  an  one,  we  know,  would  not  deceive  us. 
But  this  is  indeed  a  mean  comparison,  because  these  words 
sometimes  bring  with  them  such  a  great  majesty,  that,  with¬ 
out  reflecting  who  it  is  that  utters  them,  even  should  they 
be  words  of  reprehension,  they  make  us  tremble  .  and  should 
they  relate  to  Divine  love,  then  they  make  the  soul  dissolve, 
as  it  were,  in  loving.  And  these  are  things- which  (as  I  have 
before  mentioned)  are  far  from  our  remembrance ;  and  such 
deep  sentences  were  so  suddenly  pronounced,  that  a  long 
time  would  be  required  to  have  formed  and  arranged  them. 


224 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


I  think,  then,  it  seems  impossible,  that  we  ourselves  should 
imagine  we  could  form  such  words. 

There  is  no  reason,  then,  why  I  should  delay  any  longer 
on  this  point,  for  I  think  it  would  be  a  wonder  if  an  expe¬ 
rienced  person  could  be  deceived  herein,  unless  he  purposely 
wished  to  be  deceived.  It  has  often  happened  to  me,  if  I 
were  in  any  doubt,  not  to  believe  what  was  told  me,  but  to 
think  it  was  my  own  fancy.  This  I  do  when  the  occasion  is 
past,  but  now  it  is  impossible ;  for  I  have  seen  the  words 
fulfilled  a  long  time  after ;  because  our  Lord  is  pleased  the 
same  should  remain  in  the  memory,  for  it  cannot  be  forgotten. 
That  which  comes  from  the  understanding  is  only  the  first 
movement,  as  it  were,  of  our  thought,  which  passes  away  and 
is  forgotten.  But  the  other  is  a  work,  rather  than  a  word  ; 
and  though  some'  part  of  it  may  be  forgotten  in  the  course 
of  time,  yet  the  memory  cannot  Iosq  it  entirely,  so  as  to  for¬ 
get  what  was  said,  unless  it  be  a  long  time  after,  or  except, 
they  be  words  of  doctrine  or  words  of  favor.  But  if  they 
relate  to  prophecy,  in  my  opinion  they  can  never  be  forgot¬ 
ten  ;  at  least,  this  never  happened  to  me,  though  I  have  a 
bad  memory. 

I  wish  to  repeat,  that  if  a  person  be  not  so  wicked  as  to  take 
pleasure  in  deceiving  himself,  by  being  persuaded  that  he 
understands  what  he  does  not  understand,  it  is  impossible  for 
him  not  to  see  clearly,  that  it  is  the  soul  who  frames  these 
words  and  speaks  to  herself,  especially  if  she  have  any  under¬ 
standing  at  all  of  the  Spirit  of  God ;  for  if  she  have  not,  she 
may  remain  in  this  error  during  all  her  life,  and  may  perhaps 
imagine  she  understands  these  words,  though  I  know  not  how 
this  could  be.  Either  the  soul  desires  to  understand  them 
or  no  :  if  she  cast  away  that  which  she  understands,  and  in 
no  way  desires  to  understand  anything,  on  account  of  her 
innumerable  fears,  and  for  many  other  reasons  which  she  may 
have,  in  order  that  she  may  remain  quiet  in  prayer  without 
such  things, — how  comes  she  to  allow  so  much  time  to  the 
understanding,  so  as  to  be  able  to  form  these  discourses  ? 
Time  is  necessary  for  these.  But  by  this  other  way  we  are 
instructed  without  any  loss  of  time  at  all,  and  we  come  to 
understand  certain  things  in  an  instant,  when,  at  other  times 
a  month  would  be  required.  The  understanding  and  the 


tit'll  Otf  ST.  TERESA. 


225 


soul  are  amazed  at  some  things  which  are  understood  This 
is  the  truth  :  and  whoever  has  any  experience  will  see  that 
all  I  have  said  is  very  correct.  I  bless  God,  who  has  enabled 
me  thus  to  declare  it ;  and  now  I  end  this  part  of  my  dis¬ 
course  by  saying,  that,  in  my  opinion,  when  such  words  come 
from  the  understanding,  we  may  easily  know  it  if  we  wish ; 
and  every  time  that  we  are  in  prayer  we  may  fancy  that  we 
understand  the  words.  But  in  this  other  way  it  is  not  so,  for 
there  will  he  many  days  wherein, — though  I  should  wish  some¬ 
thing  respecting  them, — it  is  impossible  j  and  when  at  other 
times  I  have  no  wish,  then  I  am  able  to  understand  them,  as  I 
have  said.  And  it  seems  to  me,  that  whosoever  desires  to  de¬ 
ceive  others,  saying  that  he  knows  this  comes  from  God,  which 
in  reality  comes  from  himself,  might  as  wellassert  he  heard  it 
with  his  own  ears,  for  it  would  cost  him  little.  It  is  very 
true,  that  I  never  thought  there  was  any  other  method  of 
hearing  or  understanding,  till  I  found  in  my  own  case  that 
what  I  now  say  is  correct,  and  this  cost  me  a  great  deal  of 

trouble. 

When  these  things  come  from  the  devil,  they  not  only 
produce  no  good  effects,  but  they  also  produce  evil  effects. 
But  this  has  not  happened  to  me  above  twice  or  three  times  ; 
and  I  was  instantly  informed  by  our  Lord  that  it  was  the 
devil.  Besides  the  great  dryness  they  leave  behind  them, 
they  give  the  soul  much  trouble  likewise,  in  the  same  way 
as  when  at  other  times  our  Lord  permitted  me  to  have  great 
temptations  and  troubles  of  different  kinds,  and  that  I  should 
often  be  tormented,  as  I  shall  relate  afterwards.  This  is  a 
disquiet,  and  we  cannot  understand  whence  it  comes  ;  but  it 
seems  the  soul  resists  it,  and  troubles  herself  thereby,  and  is 
afflicted  without  knowing  why,  because  the  devil  says  such 
and  such  a  thing  is  not  bad,  but  good.  I  think  if  one  spirit 
is  sensible  of  the  presence  of  another,  that  the  pleasure 
and  delight  which  the  diabolical  spirit  gives  are,  in  my 
opinion,  very  different  from  those  which  God  gives. 
The  devil,  by  these  delights,  may  easily  deceive  a  person 
who  has  never  received  any  from  God,  for  these  coming  from 
Him  are  indeed  true  delights,  which  infuse  a  sweet,  strong, 
deep-rooted,  quiet,  delightful  pleasure  and  joy.  As  to  certain 
little  devotions  of  the  soul,  and  other  slight  feelings,  they 


226 


Life  of  st.  teresa. 


are  like  young  flowers  which  fall  away  at  the  least  wind  of 
persecution  :  these  I  do  not  call  devotions,  though  they  may 
be  good  beginnings,  and  holy  feelings  :  but  they  are  not 
sufficient  to  determine  wdiether  the  effects  come  from  a  good 
spirit  or  a  bad  one.  It  is  therefore  necessary  to  proceed  with 
great  caution,  for  those  who  have  advanced  no  farther  in 
prayer  than  this,  may  easily  be  deceived  if  they  should  have 
visions  or  revelations.  I  never  had  these  last  till  God  was 
pleased  in  His  goodness  to  give  me  the  Prayer  of  Union, 
unless  it  were  that  first  time  of  which  I  have  spoken  ;  and 
it  happened  to  me  many  years  ago,  when  I  saw  Christ  our 
Lord  :  and  would  that  His  Majesty  had  been  pleased  to  make 
me  understand  at  that  time  that  it  was  a  true  vision,  as  I 
knew  it  was  so  afterwards,  for  this  would  have  been  of  great 
use  to  me.  From  the  delusions  of  the  devil  no  sweetness 
whatever  remains  in  the  soul,  but  she  feels  much  terror  and 
great  disgust. 

I  consider  it  certain,  that  God  will  never  permit  the  devil 
to  deceive  any  soul  which  places  no  confidence  at  all  in  her¬ 
self,  and  is  strengthened  in  her  faith  so  firmly,  that  she  would 
die  a  thousand  deaths  for  the  least  article  thereof ;  and  this 
love  for  her  faith  (and  it  is  a  strong  and  lively  faith),  infused 
into  her  immediately  by  God,  always  induces  her  to  act  in 
.  conformity  with  what  the  Catholic  Church  holds  and  teaches, 
like  one  who  is  so  deeply  persuaded  of  the  truth,  that  all 
possible  revelations  which  could  be  imagined,  not  even  if  she 
saw  the  heavens  opened,  could  make  her  vary  in  the  least 
point  from  the  doctrine  of  the  Church.  But  if  she  once 
begin  to  waver,  even  in  thought,  against  this  truth,  or  to 
entertain  herself  by  saying,  “  If  God  himself  speak  thus  to 
me,  as  He'  has  to  the  saints,  this  may  also  be  true,”  I  do  not 
say  that  she  believes  it,  but  that  the  devil  begins  to  tempt 
her  by  this  first  motion  to  continue  therein ;  but  she  already 
sees  how  very"  evil  this  is.  But  I  believe  that  often  even 
these  first  motions  will  not  attack  a  soul  on  this  point,  if  she 
be  already  so  strong  as  our  Lord  makes  that  soul  to  which 
He  grants  these  favors.  And  I  think  she  could  tear  these 
devils  to  pieces,  whenever  the  question  was  respecting  the 
least  article  which  the  Church  holds.  I  say,  then,  that  if 
the  soul  do  not  find  in  herself  this  great  strength,  and  that 


her  devotion  or  vision  which  she  may  have  is  of  no  help 
thereto,  she  must  not  consider  the  vision  to  he  a  true  and 
safe  one,  because,  though  the  evil  may  not  be  perceived  im¬ 
mediately,  it  might  become  great  by  little  and  little.  For, 
as  far  as  I  can  understand  and  know  by  experience,  the 
truth  of  such  visions  depends  on  their  conformity  with  Holy 
Scripture.  And  when  they  go  against  this  rule,  however 
slightly,  it  seems  to  me  that  I  should  have,  without  com¬ 
parison,  much  greater  reason  to  consider  that  they  came  from 
the  devil  than  that  they  came  from  God,  however  great  the 
conviction  might  seem  to  me.  In  this  case  there  would  be 
no  necessity  to  seek  for  “signs,”  nor  to  examine  from  what 
spirit  the  vision  came,  since  the  sign  would  be  clear  as  to 
make  us  believe  it  was  from  the  devil  :  and  even  if  all  the 
world  should  assure  me  it  was  from  God,  I  would  not  believe 
it.  The  truth  is,  that  when  these  things  come  from  the  devil, 
it  seems  that  all  blessings  hide  themselves,  and  even  fly  from 
the  soul,  so  unquiet  and  in  such  disorder  does  she  remain, 
without  feeling  any  good  effect.  And  though  some  good 
desires  may  seem  to  be  excited  in  her,  yet  they  are  not  strong 
or  effectual.  The  humility  the  devil  leaves  behind  is  false, 
unquiet,  and  without  sweetness  ;  and  I  think  any  one  who 
has  experienced  “  the  good  Spirit  ”  will  understand  this. 

However,  the  devil  knows  how  to  play  many  tricks,  and 
therefore,  in  this  matter,  nothing  is  so  certain  but  that  some¬ 
thing  may  still  be  feared  from  him.  We  must  proceed  then 
with  caution,  and  have  a  director  who  is  learned  :  from  him 
we  must  conceal  nothing,  and  then  no  harm  can  come  to  us, 
though  I  have  had  my  share  thereof,  through  the  excessive 
fears  to  whom  some  of  the  religious  were  subject.  It  once 
happened,  especially,  that  many  persons  met  together  in 
whom  I  placed  great  confidence  (and  I  had  reason  to  do  so, 
though  it-  was  to  one  particularly  that  I  gave  the  greatest 
confidence ;  still,  when  he  commanded  me,  I  spoke  with 
others  also);  they  consulted  with  one  another  about  finding  a 
remedy  for  my  soul ;  for  they  loved  me  much,  and  feared  I 
might  be  deceived.  I  was  also  subject  to  very  great  fears 
when  I  was  not  in  prayer  ;  but  when  I  was,  and  our  Lord 
was  pleased  to  show  me  any  favor,  I  immediately  became 
calm  and  secure.  I  think  there  were  five  or  six,  all  of  whom 


228 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


were  great  servants  of  God.  But  my  confessor  told  me* 
that  they  were  all  firmly  convinced  my  prayer  came  from  the 
devil :  and  they  advised  me  not  to  communicate  so  often, 
and  to  employ  myself  in  such  a  way  that  I  might  not  be  alone. 
As  I  have  already  mentioned,  I  was  extremely  timid,  and  the 
palpitation  of  my  heart  made  me  more  so,  so  that  often  I  had 
not  courage  to  be  alone  in  my  room,  even  in  the  day  time. 
As  so  many  asserted  my  prayer  came  from  the  devil  (though 
I  could  not  believe  it  myself),  I  began  to  be  extremely  scru¬ 
pulous,  thinking  I  had  but  little  humility,  because  they  were 
all  much  more  holy  without  comparison  than  I  was,  and 
also  they  were  learned  men ;  and  therefore  I  said,  “  Aft  hy 
should  I  not  believe  them  ?  ”  I  forced  myself  as  well  as  I 
could  to  do  so  ;  and  I  thought  much  of  my  own  wicked  life, 
and  how  likely  it  was  that  what  they  said  was  true.  Being 
thus  afflicted!  went  into  the  church, and  entered  an  oratory, 
having  abstained  many  days  from  communicating,  and  avoided 
being  alone,  though  solitude  had  formerly  been  my  greatest 
consolation.  All  this  I  did  without  having  any  one  to  speak 
to,  for  they  were  all  against  me.  Some  of  them  I  thought 
even  laughed  at  me,  whenever  I  spoke  to  them  ;  others 
advised  my  confessor  to  take  care  of  me  :  and  others  said, 
that  it  was  quite  clear  I  was  deluded  by  the  devil.  My  con¬ 
fessor  alone  gave  me  comfort  (though,  as  I  learnt  afterwards, 
he  agreed  with  the  others  so  far  as  to  have  me  examined); 
and  he  told  me,  that  though  it  should  be  the  devil,  yet,  if  I  did 
not  offend  God,  he  could  do  me  no  harm  ;  that  my  diffi¬ 
culties  would  be  removed ;  that  I  should  pray  to  God 
frequently  and  earnestly,  and  that  he,  and  the  others,  and 
many  more  persons  would  do  the  like.  All  my  prayer  was, 
as  well  as  the  prayers  of  those  who  I  thought  were  servants 
of  God,  that  His  Majesty  would  direct  me  by  some  other  way. 
I  remained  about  two  years  in  thus  continually  supplicating 

our  Lord.  . 

I  could  have  no  comfort  in  any  way,  when  1  thought  it 

was  possible  that  the  devil  had  often  spoken  to  me.  But  as 
I  now  spent  no  more  time  in  solitude  and  in  prayer,  our 
Lord  gave  me  the  gift  of  recollection,  even  when  I  was 
engaged  in  conversation,  and  this  without  my  being  able  to 
avoid  it ;  and  He  said  to  me  what  He  pleased,  though  it 


229 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

troubled  me  to  hear  Him.  Being  once  all  alone,  without 
having  any  one  near  to  console  me,  I  could  neither  pray  nor 
read,  but  was  like  one  amazed  at  my  great  tribulation,  and  I 
was  also  terrified,  considering  if  the  devil  could  have  power 
to  deceive  me.  And  being  thus  harassed  and  fatigued,  with¬ 
out  knowing  what  to  do  with  myself  (though  I  had  often 
seen  myself  in  such  affliction,  yet  never  had  X  been  in  such 
great  trouble  I  thought),  I  remained  four  or  five  hours  in 
this  state ;  and  there  seemed  to  be  no  comfort  for  me,  either 
on  earth  or  in  heaven,  in  the  midst  of  the  sufferings  our 
IiOrd  gave  me,  and  under  the  fear  also  of  a  thousand  dangers. 
But,  0  my  Lord!  how  true  a  friend  art  Thou,  and  how 
powerful !  X^hat  Thou  wilt,  Thou  canst  effect,  and  Thou 
never  dost  forsake  or  cease  to  love  those  who  love  Thee  ! 
May  all  creatures  praise  Thee,  0  Lord  of  the  world !  Oh  ! 
that  I  could  cry  out  loud  enough  through  the  universe,  in 
order  to  proclaim  how  faithful  Thou  art  to  Thy  friends ! 
All  things  fail  •  hut  Thou,  the  Lord  of  them  all,  dost  never 
fail.  How  little  is  that  which  Thou  allowest  those  who  love 
Thee  to  suffer.  O  Lord,  how  delicately,  how  wisely,  and 
how  sweetly  dost  Thou  know  how  to  treat  such  souls !  Oh  . 
that  I  had  never  loved  any  one  but  Thee  !  It  seems,  0 
Lord,  that  sometimes  Thou  triest  with  rigor  those  who  love 
Thee,  that  so  by  the  excess  of  their  affliction,  they  may 
understand  the  better  the  excess  of  Thy  love.  Oh  !  that  I 
had  understanding,  and  learning,  and  new  words,  that  1 
might  be  able  to  proclaim  Thy  works,  as  my  soul  knows  them. 

These  I  have  not ;  but  if  Thou  wilt  not  desert  me,  I  will 
never  forsak  Thee.  Let  all  the  learned  men  in  the  world 
rise  up  against  me  ;  let  all  creatures  persecute  me  ;  let  the 
devils  torment  me,  provided  only  Thou,  0  Lord !  wilt  not 
forsake  me ;  for  I  know  well,  by  experience,  with  how  great 
advantage  Thou  deliverest  all  those  who  put  their  confidence 
in  Thee  alone.  When  I  was  in  this  great  trouble  (even 
before  I  had  begun  to  have  any  visions  at  all),  these  words 
alone  were  sufficient  entirely  to  free  me  from  all  trouble . 
«  Bear  not,  daughter,  it  is  I ;  I  will  not  forsake  thee ;  do 

not  fear.” 

It  seems  to  me,  that  considering  what  I  was  then,  a  long 
time  would  have  been  necessary  to  persuade  me  to  compose 
20 


230 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


myself,  and  that  no  one  would  have  been  able  to  do  it.  And 
yet,  behold  I  was  oonsoled  by  these  words  alone,  and  endued 
with  strength,  with  courage,  with  repose  and  light  in  such  a 
manner,  that  I  saw  my  soul  in  that  instant  had  become  quite 
another  creature.  Ob'  how  good  is  God!  Oh!  how  good 
and  how  powerful  is  the  Lord  !  He  gives  not  only  advice, 
but  remedies  also.  His  words  are  works.  How  is  our  faith 
hereby  strengthened,  and  our  love  increased !  Thus  I  often 
call  to  mind  how  cur  Lord,  when  a  tempest  had  risen  at  sea, 
commanded  the  winds  and  the  waves,  and  there  came  a  great 
calm ;  and  I  used  to  say  then,  Who  is  This  whom  all  the 
powers  of  my  soul  obey,  and  who  in  an  instant  gives  such 
dazzling  light  to  chase  away  such  great  darkness,  and  makes 
that  heart  become  soft  which  seemed  before  to  he  as  hard  as 
a  stone,  and  who  gives  the  water  of  sweet  tears,  where  before 
there  was  so  long  such  a  great  drought1?  Who  inspires 
these  desires ?  Who  gives  such  courage?  What  have  I 
been  thinking  of  that  I  should  fear  ?  What  is  this  ?  X 
desire  to  serve  this  Lord,  and  I  wish  for  nothing  but  to 
please  Him.  I  renounce  all  pleasure,  and  ease,  and  every 
other  good,  save  only  the  doing  of  His  will,  and  of  this 
good  I  was  sure,  as  I  can  easily  affirm.  ^  Since  then  this 
Lord  is  so  powerful,  as  I  see  He  is,  and  know  He  is,  and 
since  all  the  devils  are  His  slaves  (and  of  this  I  can  have  no 
doubt,  since  it  is  of  faith),  what  harm  can  they  do  me,  who 
am  a  servant  of  this  Lord  and  King  ?  Why  may  I  not  have 
strength  enough  to  fight  with  all  the  powers  of  hell  J  Thus 
I  spoke.  I  then  took  a  cross  into  my  hand,  and  it  really 
seemed  to  me,  God  gave  me  such  courage  that,  in  a  short 
time,  I  was  not  afraid  to  encounter  the  devils,  hut  believed 
I  could  with  that  cross  easily  overcome  them  all,  and  thus 
I  challenged  them ;  u  Now,  come  all  of  you,  for,  being  a 
servant  of  God,  I  wish  to  see  what  you  can  do  against  me.” 

It  is  very  certain  I  thought  they  were  afraid  of  me,  for 
I  remained  so  quiet  and  so  fearless  of  them  all,  that  even 
till  this  day,  all  the  fears  I  formerly  entertained  are  now 
entirely  removed.  And  though  I  have  sometimes  seen  them, 
as  I  shall  afterwards  relate,  yet  I  never  feared  them  more  ; 
rather  did  it  seem  that  they  were  afraid  of  me.  I  have  a 
certain  dominion  over  them,  given  to  me  by  the  Lord  of  all 


231 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

creatures,  so  that  I  make  no  more  account  of  the  devils  than 
of  so  many  flies  ;  and  they  seem  to  me  to  he  so  cowardly, 
that  when  they  see  little  notice  is  taken  of  them,  they  have 
no  strength  or  power  whatever.  These  enemies  only  know 
how  to  attack  those  who  give  themselves  up  to  them ;  or, 
they  make  their  attacks  only  when  God  permits  them,  for  the 
greater  good  of  His  servants,  whom  they  tempt  and  torment. 
I  would  it  might  please  His  Majesty  to  make  us  fear  Him, 
whom  we  ought  to  fear,  and  to  make  us  understand,  that 
we  receive  greater  harm  from  one  venial  sin  than  from  all 
the  powers  of  hell  put  together  :  this  is  certainly  true.  But 
when  by  our  affection  for  honors,  riches,  and  pleasures,  we 
give  the  devils  hold  of  us,  by  our  loving  and  desiring  that 
which  we  ought  rather  to  abhor,  then,  indeed,  they  will  do 
us  much  harm  ;  for  we  enable  them  to  fight  against  us  with 
our  own  arms,  which  we  put  into  their  hands,  and  with  which 
we  ought  to  defend  ourselves.  What  a  great  pity  this  is! 
But  if  we  now  resolve  to  detest  all  these  for  the  love  of  God, 
and  to  embrace  His  cross,  and  to  serve  Him  in  good  earnest, 
the  devil  flies  away  from  these  resolutions,  as  we  should  do 
from  the  plague.  He  is  the  friend  of  lies,  and  a  lie  itself. 
He  will  have  nothing  to  do  with  one  who  walks  in  truth. 
But  when  once  he  sees  a  man’s  understanding  obscured,  he 
skilfully  labors  to  obscure  it  still  more :  he  helps  us  to  blind 
ourselves  ;  and  considering  us  only  as  children,  he  treats  us  as 
such,  because  he  sees  that  we  place  all  our  satisfactisn  in  the 
vain  things  of  this  world,  which  are  only  toys  fit  for  children  : 
with  such  he  wrestles  more  or  less  as  he  sees  cause. 

May  our  Lord  be  pleased  that  this  may  never  be  my  case  $ 
but  may  He  rather  do  me  the  favor  to  make  me  understand 
that  to  be  ease  and  rest,  which  is  indeed  “  true  ease  and  true 
rest ;  ”  and  that  to  be  honor,  which  is  “  true  honor  ;  ”  and 
that  to  be  pleasure,  which  is  “  true  pleasure  ;  ”  and  not  the 
direct  contrary  to  all  this  ;  and  then  I  care  not  a  fig  for  all 
the  devils  in  hell,  for  they  will  be  afraid  of  me.  1  do  not 
understand  those  fears  by  which  we  exclaim,  “  The  devil — 
the  devil !  ”  when  we  ought  rather  to  say,  u  0  my  God — my 
God!  ”  and  so  make  the  devil  tremble. 

Do  we  not  already  know  that  the  devil  is  unable  to  move, 
unless  our  Lord  permit  him  1  What  then  is  the  cause  of  all 


232 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


-# 


our  fears  i  I  acknowledge  that  I  fear  those  more  who  are  so 
frightened  at  the  devil  than  I  fear  the  devil  himself,  because  he 
is  quite  unable  to  do  me  any  harm ;  whereas  these  others 
(especially  if  they  be  confessors)  may  put  our  souls  to  much 
trouble.  I  myself  have  spent  so  many  years  m  such  great 
trouble,  that  now  I  am  amazed  when  I  consider  how  I  have 
been  able  to  endure  it.  Blessed  bo  our  Lord,  who  has  so 
truly  assisted  me.  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

THE  SAME  SUBJECT  IS  CONTINUED.  THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  MANT 
THINGS  WHICH  HAPPENED  TO  HER. 

I  esteem  the  courage  which  our  Lord  gave  me  against 
the  devils,  to  be  one  of  the  great  favors  which  He  was 
pleased  to  confer  upon  me,  because  for  a  soul  to  go  cowardly 
on,  and  to  be  fearful  of  nothing  but  offending  God,  is  a  very 
great  inconvenience.  For  since  we  have  a  King  who  is  om¬ 
nipotent,  and  so  great  a  Lord  that  He  can  do  all  things  and 
make  all  men  subject  to  Him,  we  have  no  reason  to  fear  if 
we  walk  before  Him  with  sincerity  and  purity  of  conscience. 
And  for  such  an  object,  I  should  be  glad  to  have  all  possible 
fears  not  to  offend  Him  at  any  time,  who  is  able  at  that  very 
instant  to  annihilate  us  ;  hut  as  long  as  His  Majesty  is 
pleased  with  us,  no  one  can  stand  against  us.  You  may, 
perhaps,  say,  “  that  this  is  very  true,  but  where  shall  we  find 
a  soul  so  upright  as  to  please  Him  entirely  1  And  because 
she  is  not  so  pure,  she  is  in  fear.”  I  answer,  not  my  soul, 
certainly,  for  she  is  very  miserable,  unprofitable,  and  filled 
with  a  thousand  miseries.  But  God  does  not  act  with  such 
rigor  as  men  do,  for  He  knows  our  frailty ;  and  the  soul  can 
understand,  by  means  of  numerous  conjectures,  whether  she 
really  loves  God  or  no  ;  because  whoever  arrive  at  this  state, 
their  love  is  not  then  a  disguised  love  as  it  was  at  the  begin¬ 
ning,  but  it  is  attended  with  such  a  great  impulse  and  desire  to 
see  God  (as  I  shall  relate  afterwards),  that  all  things  afflict, 
all  things  weary  and  tire,  all  things  torment  thesoul,  unless 
she  be  with  God,,  or  suffering  and  doing  something  for  God. 


238 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

There  is  no  repose  which  does  not  displease  her,  because  she 
sees  herself  absent  from  her  “  true  repose  and  thus  it  is 
very  clear  (as  I  have  mentioned),  that  things  are  not  dis¬ 
sembled  here. 

It  happened  to  me  once,  that  I  found  myself  in  great 
tribulation,  having  to  suffer  many  calumnies  (on  account  of 
a  certain  affair  of  which  I  shall  speak  afterwards)*  from  all 
the  religious  where  I  lived,  and  even  from  the  whole  Order, 
and  being  also  greatly  afflicted  by  the  opposition  of  the 
whole  city.  Then  it  was  that  our  Lord  addressed  these 
words  to  me  :  u  Of  what  art  thou  afraid  ?  Dost  thou  not 
know  that  I  am  omnipotent  ?  I  will  accomplish  all  that  I 
have  promised  thee.”  And  He  indeed  fulfilled  His  promise 
very  well  afterwards.  After  these  words,  I  felt  such  new 
strength  within  me  that  I  thought  I  could  then  have  easily 
undertaken  other  things  for  His  service,  though  they  might 
cost  me  much  more  trouble,  and  have  suffered  again  much 
more  for  Him.  Hearing  these  interior  words  has  happened 
so  often  to  me  that  I  am  not  able  to  mention  the  number  of 
times.  Our  Lord  has  made  me,  and  still  continues  to  make 
me,  so  severe  reproaches,  on  account  of  the  imperfections  I 
sometimes  commit,  that  they  are  sufficient  to  annihilate  the 
soul ;  at  least  they  bring  with  them  her  amendment,  because 
His  Majesty  (as  I  have  mentioned)  gives  both  advice  and  the 
remedy.  At  other  times  He  brings  to  my  remembrance  my 
pasts  sins,  especially  when  He  wishes  to  bestow  on  me  some 
extraordinary  favor  ;  and  this  He  does  in  such  a  way,  that  the 
soul  sees  herself  as  she  will  do  at  the  great  day  of  judgment ; 
and  the  truth  is  represented  to  her  with  such  a  clear  know¬ 
ledge,  that  she  knows  not  what  to  do  with  herself.  At  other 
times,  He  is  pleased  to  put  me  on  my  guard  against  certain 
dangers  relating  to  myself  and  others,  which  have  not  hap¬ 
pened  till  three  or  four  years  after.  These  were  all  fulfilled, 
and  some  of  the  events  might  be  mentioned,  if  necessary. 
Thus  there  are  so  many  proofs  that  these  things  come  from 
God,  that,  in  my  opinion,  no  one  can  be  ignorant  about  the 
matter. 

The  most  secure  way  is,  not  to  fail  to  declare  the  state  of 

*  The  St.  alludes  to  the  foundation  of  her  convent  at  Avila. 

20* 


234 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


ray  whole  soul,  and  the  favors  our  Lord  bestows  upon  me  to 
ray  confessor  ;  to  see  that  he  be  learned,  and  to  be  careful 
in  obeying  Him.  This  is  the  course  which  I  take,  and  with¬ 
out  this  I  could  have  no  security,  as  our  Lord  has  often  told 
me ;  and,  indeed,  it  is  not  fit  that  we  women  should  have 
any,  for  we  have  no  learning  5  and  there  can  be  no  harm  in 
this,  but  many  advantages.  I  once  had  a  confessor  who 
mortified  me  very  much,  and  sometimes  he  even  afflicted  me, 
and  gave  me  a  great  deal  of  trouble  and  uneasiness  5  and  yet 
he  was  the  person  who,  in  my  opinion,  did  me  the  most  good. 
And  though  I  had  a  great  esteem  for  him,  I  had  some  temp¬ 
tations  to  leave  him,  for  the  trouble  he  gave  me  concerning 
my  prayer  quite  harassed  me.  But  whenever  I  determined 
to  leave  him,  I  immediately  understood  I  was  not  to  do 
so ;  and  I  received  a  reprehension  from  our  Lord,  which  I 
felt  much  more  acutely  than  anything  my  confessor  could 
impose  upon  me.  And  sometimes  he  tired  me  by  asking  me 
questions  on  the  one  hand,  and  giving  me  some  reproof  on 
the  other ;  and  all  this  I  had  need  of,  so  weak  a  will  T  had. 
He  told  me  once,  that  I  was  not  to  obey  if  I  were  not  re¬ 
solved  to  suffer,  and  that  I  should  consider  what  He  had 
endured  for  me,  and  then  everything  would  become  easy. 

Another  confessor,  to  whom  I  had  confessed  in  the  be¬ 
ginning,  gave  me  this  advice  :  that  since  it  had  been  proved 
the  spirit  which  directed  me  was  good,  I  should  now  keep 
matters  quiet,  and  not  tell  the  least  thing  to  any  one,  be¬ 
cause  it  was  much  better  not  to  mention  these  favors.  This 
advice  pleased  me,  because  every  time  I  mentioned  them  to 
my  confessor  I  felt  great  trouble  ;  and,  indeed,  so  great  was 
my  repugnance,  that  I  had  much  less  difficulty  in  declaring 
my  greatest  sins.  And  especially,  if  I  mentioned  those 
high  favors  which  I  had  received,  1  thought  my  confessors 
would  not  believe  me,  but  rather  laugh  at  me.  I  was  so 
troubled  by  this  thought,  that  such  conduct  appeared  to  me 
to  be  a  kind  of  irreverence  towards  the  wonders  of  God,  and 
for  this  reason  I  wished  to  conceal  them.  But  I  soon  under¬ 
stood  that  my  confessor  had  given  me  bad  advice,  and  that  I 
was  by  no  means  to  conceal  anything  from  him  to  whom  I 
eonfessed,  because  thereby  I  should  have  great  security  ;  but 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


235 


that  if  I  acted  otherwise,  I  might  sometime  or  other  be 
deceived. 

Whenever  our  Lord  commanded  me  anything  in  prayer, 
if  my  confessor  bade  me  do  otherwise,  our  Lord  would  tell 
me  to  obey  my  director-:  His  Majesty  would  afterwards 
direct  him  to  command  me  to  do  that  very  thing  which  our 
Lord  himself  had  commanded  me  before.  When  many  of 
my  Spanish  books  were  taken  away  from  me,  so  that  I  could  not 
read,  I  was  in  great  trouble,  for  it  was  a  recreation  for  me  to 
read  some  of  them ;  but  then  I  could  read  none,  for  what 
had  been  left  were  in  Latin.  On  this  occasion  our  Lord 
thus  spoke  to  me  :  “  Be  not  troubled,  for  I  will  give  thee  a 
living  book.”  I  could  not  understand  what  these  words 
meant,  for  then  I  never  had  any  vision  ;  but  within  a  short 
time  afterwards  I  understood  them  very  well,  for  I  have  had 
so  much  to  think  of  and  recollect  myself  about,  concerning 
those  things  which  were  presented  to  me,  and  our  Lord  has 
shown  me  so  great  love  by  instructing  me  in  so  many  ways, 
that  I  have  had  very  little  need  of  books,  or  rather  no  need 
at  all.  His  Majesty  has  been  a  living  book  to  me,  wherein 
I  have  seen  many  truths.  Blessed  be  such  a  book,  which 
leaves  imprinted  in  the  heart  what  we  read  there,  and  this 
in  such  a  manner  that  it  can  never  be  forgotten. 

Who  can  behold  our  Lord  covered  all  over  with  wounds  and 
afflicted  with  persecutions,  and  not  embrace  them  and  love 
them?  Who  can  have  even  but  a  glimpse  of  that  glory 
which  He  gives  to  those  who  serve  Him,  and  not  know  that 
all  we  can  possibly  do  or  suffer  here  is  nothing,  since  we 
hope  to  receive  such  great  rewards  ?  How  can  he  who  con¬ 
siders  the  torments  the  wicked  endure  in  hell,  help  esteeming 
all  the  sufferings  of  this  life  to  be  delights,  in  comparison 
with  those  torments,  and  not  acknowledge  how  indebted  he 
is  to  our  Lord  for  having  delivered  him  so  often  from  that 
place  of  woe  ?  But  because  I  intend  by  the  Divine  assist¬ 
ance,  to  speak  hereafter  more  in  particular  concerning  some 
of  these  things,  I  wish  now  to  continue  the  account  of  my 
life ;  and  God  grant  that  I  may  have  known  how  to  express 
myself  properly  in  what  I  have  already  said.  I  firmly  be¬ 
lieve  that  whoever  has  had  experience  in  those  matters  will 
have  understood  me,  and  that  I  have  managed,  to  say  .  some- 


236 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


thing  to  tlie  purpose.  But  those  who  have  had  no  such  ex¬ 
perience,  will  perhaps  imagine  I  have  been  talking  nonsense. 
It  is  sufficient  to  state  this,  that  so  I  may  not  blamed ; 
nor  will  I  blame  any  one  who  may  be  of  a  different  opinion. 
May  our  Lord  assist  me,  that  I  may  always  do  His  will. 
Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 


THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  ANOTHER  WAY  BY  WHICH  OUR  LORD  INSTRUCTS 

A.  SOUL,  AND  MAKES  HER  UNDERSTAND  II  IS  WILL.  SHE  SPEAKS 

ALSO  OF  A  WONDERFUL  VISION  SHE  HAD,  ETC. 

To  return  now  to  the  history  of  my  life.  I  continued  in 
great  affiiction  and  trouble,  but  at  the  same  time  had  many 
prayers  offered  for  me  to  our  Lord,  that  he  would  be  pleased 
to  conduct  me  by  another  way,  which  might  be  more  secure, 
since  I  was  told  that  the  former  was  a  suspicious  way.  But 
true  it  is,  that  though  I  earnestly  begged  this  favor  from 
God,  yet  considering  how  evidently  my  soul  was  improved 
by  the  other  way,  I  could  Dever  find  it  in  my  power  to  desire 
it  heartily  (though  I  still  did  in  some  degree),  unless  it  were 
sometimes  when  I  was  harassed  and  distressed  by  what  I  was 
told,  and  by  the  fears  with  which  my  confessors  filled  me, 
I  had  now  become  quite  another  creature,  and  I  could  not 
help  putting  myself  in  the  hands  of  God,  beseeching  Him 
that,  since  He  knew  what  was  fit  for  me,  He  would  be 
pleased  to  accomplish  His  holy  will  in  all  things  concerning 
me.  I  saw  clearly,  that  by  this  way  my  soul  was  carried  up 
to  heaven,  which  formerly  was  dropping  down  to  hell :  why, 
therefore,  should  I  desire  such  a  thing  ?  And  .as  for  believing 
those  favors  came  from  the  devil,  it  was  not  in  my  power  to 
force  myself  into  such  an  opinion.  Still  I  did  what  I  could 
to  desire  the  one,  and  to  believe  the  other  :  but,  as  I  have 
said,  it  was  not  in  my  power.  I  offered  for  this  object  a  few 
poor  works  which  I  performed,  if  indeed  I  did  any  at  all.  I 
became  devoted  to  some  of  the  saints,  that  by  their  means  I 
might  be  delivered  from  the  devil.  I  performed  Noyenas, 
*nd  I  recommended  myself  to  St.  Hilarion,  and  St.  Michael 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


237 


the  archangel,  for  this  purpose  :  many  other  saints  also  I 
importuned,  that  by  their  prayers  our  Lord  might  show  me 
the  right  way.  At  the  end  of  two  years,  which  both  myself 
and  others  spent  in  prayers,  that  so  our  Lord  might  either 
conduct  my  soul  by  some  other  way,  or  show  me  the  truth 
(for  now  those  “  words”  I  have  before  spoken  of  were  very 
common),  the  following  circumstance  happened  to  me  which 
I  will  now  relate. 

Being  one  day  in  prayer,  on  the  festival  of  the  glorious 
St.  Peter,  I  saw  standing  very  near  me, — or  to  speak  more 
properly,  I  felt  and  perceived  (for  I  saw  nothing  at  all, 
either  with  the  eyes  of  my  body  or  my  soul)  that  Christ  our 
Lord  was  close  by  me,  and  I  found  it  was  He  who  spoke  to 
me,  as  I  thought.  As  I  had  been  up  to  this  time  extremely 
ignorant  as  to  whether  there  could  be  any  such  vision  as  this, 
I  fell  at  first  into  a  great  fear,  as  I  could  do  nothing  but 
weep  :  but  presently  our  Lord  gave  me  comfort,  by  speaking 
only  one  word  ;  and  I  found  myself  as  I  was  wont,  very 
quiet,  with  great  delight  and  without  fear.  It  seemed  that 
Christ  went  always  by  my  side  :  but  the  vision  not  being 
imaginary,  nor  represented  in  any  form  to  the  imagination,  I 
perceived  not  in  what  shape  He  was,  though  I  found,  and 
felt  very  sensibly,  that  He  was  always  on  my  right  side ; 
that  He  was  the  witness  of  whatever  I  did,  and  that  if  I 
were  recollected,  even  a  little,  or  rather  unless  I  were  very 
much  distracted,  I  could  not  help  understanding  that  He 
was  near  me-. 

I  went  immediately  to  my  conffessor,  being  much  grieved 
that  I  was  obliged  to  tell  him  what  happened.  He  asked 
me  what  form  our  Lord  had  when  I  saw  Him  %  I  told  him 
I  did  not  see  Him.  My  confessor  then  inquired  how  I  knew 
it  was  Christ  ?  I  answered,  I  knew  not  how ,  but  that  I 
could  not  help  understanding  our  Lord  was  close  by  me,  for 
I  found  and  felt  clearly  that  it  was  so  ;  that  the  recollection 
of  my  soul,  in  the  Prayer  of  Quiet,  was  far  greater  and 
more  continual ;  that  the  effects  also  were  very  different  from 
those  others  which  I  formerly  experienced  ;  in  a  word,  the 
thing  appeared  to  me  very  certain  and  evident.  I  made 
use  of  several  comparisons,  whereby  to  make  myself  under¬ 
stood,  and  yet  in  my  opinion,  there  is  none  which  properly 


238 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERES  A. 


explains  this  kind  of  vision  ;  for  as  this  is  one  of  the  highest 
kind  according  to  what  that  holy  and  spiritual  man,  Father 
Peter  of  Alcantara  told  me,  as  well  as  other  great  and 
learned  men,  so  one  cannot  find  words  in  the  world  to  express 
it :  at  least,  we  who  know  so  little  cannot,  though  learned  men 
may  make  themselves  better  understood.  But  if,  as  I  say,  I 
saw  our  Lord  neither  with  the  eyes  of  the  body  or  of  the  soul 
(because  it  was  no  imaginary  vision),  how  can  I  understand  and 
assert  more  clearly  that  lie  was  near  me,  than  if  I .had  ac¬ 
tually  seen  Him  ?  It  seems  as  if  a  person  were  in  the  durx, 
and  Jaw  not  another  who  stood  near  him,  or  as  if  the  person 
were  blind.  This  is  something  of  a  comparison,  though  not 
much ;  for  even  if  a  person  were  blind,  he  might  know  an¬ 
other  was  present  by  his  other  senses,  because  lie  could  hear 
him  speak  or  stir,  or  he  might  touch  hnn.  But  here  there  is 
nothing  at  all  of  this,  nor  is  there  any  darkness ;  but  our 
Lord’s  presence  is  represented  to  the  soul  by  a  sign,  clearer 
than  the  sun  itself,  and  yet  no  sun  or  brightness  is i  seen,  but 
only  a  certain  light,  which,  without  our  seeing  it,  illuminates 
the  understanding,  that  so  the  soul  may  enjoy  so  great  a 
good.  This  vision  brings  also  great  benefits  with  it. 

This  is  not  a  presence  of  God,  such  as  many  tunes  is  per¬ 
ceived,  especially  by  those  who  have  arrived  at  Union  or  the 
Prayer  of  Quiet,  who  when  they  begin  to  make  that  prayer, 
seem  to  find  the  person  ready  at  hand  to  whom  they  speak  , 
and  they  fancy  he  hears  them,  by  the  effects  and  the  spirit¬ 
ual  sentiments  which  are  produced,— such  as  those  of  great 
love,  and  faith,  and  resolutions  accompanied  with  great  ten¬ 
derness  of  devotion.  And  though  this  is  a  great  favor  of 
God,  and  highly  to  be  esteemed  by  him  to  whom  it  is  given, 
yet  it  is  no  vision;  we  only  understand  that  God  is  there,  by 
the  effects  which  are  (as  I  have  said)  produced  in  the  soul ; 
for  in  this  manner  His  Majesty  wishes  to  make  himself  per¬ 
ceived.  But  here  we  see  clearly  that  Christ  our  Lord,  the 
Son  of  the  Blessed  Virgin,  is  present :  in  the  other  method 
of  prayer,  certain  influences  of  the  Divinity,  are  represente  , 
but  here,  together  with  them,  we  find  that  the  most  Sacred 
Humanity  also  accompanies  us,  and  wishes  to  bestow  favors 
upon  us.  My  confessor  then  asked  me  tins  question:  ‘  W  ho 
told  you  that  it  was  Jesus  Christ  1”  “  He  Himself  told  me 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


230 


so,”  I  answered,  “and  this  very  often:  but  even  before 
he  told  me  so,  my  understanding  was  impressed  with  the 
truth  that  it  was  He  :  and  this  before  He  told  me  so,  and 
yet  I  saw  him  not.  If  any  one  whom  I  had  never  seen,  but 
had  only  heard  something  about  him,  had  come  to  speak  to 
me,  and  I  were  either  blind  or  in  the  dark  ;  and  should  he 
tell  me  who  he  was,  I  should  believe  him  :  still  I  should  not 
be  able  so  positively  to  assert  it  was  he,  as  I  should  be  had 
I  seen  him.  But  in  this  case  I  could  assert  it,  for  there  is 
imprinted  so  clear  a  notice  of  His  presence  in  the  mind,  with¬ 
out  our  seeing  him,  that  it  seems  impossible  to  doubt  it ;  and 
our  Lord  wishes  to  have  it  so  engraven  on  the  understanding, 
that  it  can  no  more  be  questioned  than  what  we  actually  see  ; 
no,  nor  so  much.  We  sometimes  suspect  things  which  we 
see,  and  fancy  this  or  that  without  any  reason  :  but  here, 
though  this  suspicion  may  arise  suddenly,  yet  on  the  whole 
we  remain  so  certain,  that  a  doubt  cannot  continue.  And 
so  also  it  happens,  though  in  a  different  manner,  that  Go 
instructs  the  soul,  and  speaks  to  her,  without  spea  mg  m 

the  way  I  have  already  mentioned. 

This  is  a  language  which  is  so  heavenly,  that  we  cannot 
well  understand  it  in  this  world,  howevei  much  we  may 
desire  to  do  so,  unless  our  Lord  himself  he  pleased  to  teach 
it  by  experience.  Our  Lord  places  in  the  very  interior  ot 
the  soul  whatever  he  is  pleased  the  soul  should  understand  : 
and  there  He  represents  it  without  any  image  or  form  of 
words,  but  only  by  that  manner  of  vision  already  spoken  ot. 
And  let  us  mark  well  this  manner  of  God’s  making  the  soul 
understand  what  He  will,  and  his  great  truths  and  myste¬ 
ries  ;  for  often  that  which  I  understand  from  our  Lord  m  any 
vision,  His  majesty  is  pleased  to  represent  to  me  in  this  way  ; 
and  it  seems  for  these  reasons,  where  the  devil  is  least  able 
to  intermeddle  or  intrude  himself ;  and  if  these  reasons  are 
not  good,  I  am  likely  to  he  deceived.  This  kind  of  vision  is 
so  spiritual,  and  so  also  is  the  language,  that,  there  is  no 
noise  nor  tumult  in  the  powers  of  the  mind,  nor  in  any  ot  the 
senses  of  the  body,  in  my  opinion;  and  by  this  means  the 
devil  can  gain  no  advantage.  This  happens  sometimes,  but 
it  lasts  only  for  a  short  time  :  at  other  times  it  seems  to  me, 
that  neither  the  powers  of  the  mind  are  suspended,  nor  the 


2^  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

senses  of  the  body  taken  away,  but  they  are  all  occupied  in 
themselves ;  but  this  does  not  always  happen  in  contempla¬ 
tion,  or  rather  it  happens  very  seldom.  But  when  the  senses 
are  lost,  1  was  saying  that  we  neither  operate  or  do  anything 
ourselves,  but  all  seems  to  be  the  work  of  our  Lord.  It  is 
like  food  conveyed  into  the  stomach,  without  our  either 
having  eaten  it,  or  so  much  as  knowing  who  placed  it  there; 
all  we  know  is,  that  there  it  is,  though  we  neither  know  what 
the  food  is,  nor  wdio  placed  it  there.  But  in  this  other  case 
the  food  is  known,  though  I  cannot  tell  how  it  got  there; 
for  neither  did  I  see  it,  nor  do  I  understand  it,  nor  was  1 
ever  moved  to  desire  it,  nor  did  1  ever  know  before  that 

such  a  thing  could  possibly  be.  , 

In  the  heavenly  “  Discourse”  of  which  I  have  already 
spoken,  God  makes  the  understanding  reflect  upon  that 
which  is  said,  whether  it  will  or  no  ;  for  there  it  seems  as  if 
the  soul  had  some  other  kind  of  ears  to  hear,  and  that  He 
makes  her  listen,  and  not  think  of  something  else  ;  as  if  one 
who  could  hear  well  were  not  allowed  to  stop  his  ears ;  but 
people  cried  aloud  to  him,  and  thus,  whether  he  wished  or 
not,  he  would  be  obliged  to  hear.  Still  he  does  something, 
since  he  endeavors  to  understand  what  they  say.  But  here 
the  soul  does  nothing;  for  even  that  little  which  was  done 
in  the  former  case,  and  which  consisted  only  in  listening,  is 
taken  away  from  her  now.  She  finds  now  everything  ready 
dressed  and  eaten,  so  that  she  has  nothing  more  to  do  but 
to  enioy  her  food.  It  is  like  a  person  who,  without  e^er 
having  learnt,  or  so  much  as  having  endeavored  to  read,  or 
without  having  studied  at  all,  should  find  himself  m  posses¬ 
sion  of  the  whole  of  that  science  ;  and  this  without  knowing 
either  how  or  whence  it  came,  since  he  had  never  endeavored 
to  acquire  it,  or  even  learn  his  ABC.  This  last  compari¬ 
son,  I  think  explains  some  part  of  this  celestial  gift,  foi  the 
soul  perceives  that  she  has  become  wise  on  a  sudden,  and 
that  the  mystery  of  the  most  Holy  Trinity,  and  ot  lei  verj 
sublime  truths,  are  so  clearly  explained  to  her,  that  she  coul 
argue  with  any  divine  on  the  truth  of  these  high  subjects 
The  soul  on  these  occasions  seems  so  amazed,  that  even  one 
such  favor  as  this  is  sufficient  to  produce  a  total  change  in 
her,  and  to  make  her  love  nothing  but  Him,  who  without 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


241 


any  labor  on  ber  part  has  made  her  capable  of  such  unspeak¬ 
able  blessings  ;  who  communicates  His  secrets  to  her,  and 
speaks  to  her  with  such  great  friendship  and  love  as  cannot 
be  written  in  words,  because  He  shows  her  some  favors 
which  are  so  admirable,  that  unless  we  have  a  lively  faith, 
we  cannot  conceive  it  possible  God  should  grant  such  favors 
to  one  so  unworthy  of  them.  I  am  thinking,  then,  of  men¬ 
tioning  only  a  few  of  those  which  our  Lord  has  shown  to  me, 
unless  I  be  commanded  to  do  otherwise ;  and  some  of  the 
visions,  if  mentioned,  may  perhaps  do  some  good,  that  so  if 
there  be  any  persons  to  whom  our  Lord  may  have  imparted 
the  like,  they  may  not  wonder,  nor  consider  them  impossible, 
as  I  did ;  or  these  visions  may  show  the  way  and  manner  by 
which  our  Lord  conducted  my  soul  ;  and  this  is  what  I  have 
been  commanded  to  write. 

Let  us  now  return  to  the  manner  of  our  understanding 
these  things.  To  me  it  seems  our  Lord  is  here  pleased,  that 
our  soul  should  have  some  knowledge  of  that  which  passes 
in  heaven ;  and  that  as  the  blessed  understand  one  another 
there  without  speaking  ( the  truth  of  which  I  never  knew  till 
our  Lord  in  His  goodness  made  me  see  it,  and  showed  it  to 
me  in  a  rapture)  5  so  also  it  should  be  here,  that  God  and 
the  soul  might  understand  one  another  ;  and  this  for  the  sole 
reason  that  His  Majesty  is  pleased  they  should  do  so,  with¬ 
out  any  other  artifice  being  used  to  make  known  the  love 
which  these  two  friends  bear  each  other.  Just  as  in  this 
world,  when  two  persons  love  one  another  very  dearly,  and 
have  a  good  understanding,  they  seem  able  to  understand 
each  other  without  any  signs,  by  only  looking  at  one  another. 
Thus  ought  it  to  be  in  our  case,  since  (without  our  knowing 
expressly  how)  these  two  lovers  look  earnestly  at  each  in  the 
face,  as  the  spouse  in  the  Book  of  Canticles  saith  to  his 
beloved ;  for  so  I  think  I  have  heard  it  mentioned  there. 

O  admirable  benignity  of  God  !  who  dost  permit  Thyself 
to  be  looked  upon  by  those  eyes,  which  have  abused  their 
sight  so  much,  just  as  the  eyes  of  my  soul  did !  After  the 
sight  of  thee,  0  Lord  !  let  them  now  be  accustomed  no  more 
to  look  upon  base  objects,  nor  to  take  pleasure  in  anything 
out  of  Thee !  0  ingratitude  of  mortals !  how  far  wilt  thou 

go  1  I  know  by  experience  that  this  is  true  which  I  am 

21 


24*2 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

savin*,  and  that  what  I  have  mentioned  is  the  least  of  those 
favors  which  Thou  givest  to  a  soul  whom  Thou  bi  ingest 
sauTa  sTate  as  this.  0  ye  souls !  who  have  begun  to  n 
mental  prayer,  and  all  yon  who  have  true  faith  ^at  blessings 
do  ye  seek  which  can  in  any  way  be  compared  to  the  fens  of 
those  which  are  obtained  by  the  servants  of God 
mortal  life,  not  to  mention  the  happy  eternity ^here  it  ^ 
Consider  that  even  in  this  world  it  is  quite  true,  tUt  bod 
•  gives  himself  to  those  who  forsake  all  things  for  the  1<  ve  ot 
Mb,  He  is  no  accepter  of  persons  :  lie  loves  every  one 
and  no  one  has  any  excuse,  however  wicked  he i  may  havt 
been,  since  our  Lord  acted  in  this  manner  with  me,  and 
raised  me  to  such  a  state.  Consider  ubo,  that  what  1  am 
now  saying  is  not  so  much  as  a  cipher  of  what  may  be  .  i  • 
so  much  only  is  mentioned  as  is  necessary  for  making  this 
kind  of  vision,  and  the  favors  which  our  Lord  gives  the  soul, 
somewhat  understood.  But  I  cannot  declare  that  which  the 
soul  feels  when  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  impart  to  hei  H 
secrets  and  Ilis  greatness,— a  delight  so  superior  to  all  that 
can  possibly  be  imagined  in  this  world,  tha  w  th  great 
reason  it  makes  her  abhor  the  pleasures  of  tins  life,  all  ot 
which  put  together  are  but  dirt ;  it  is  even  loathsome  to 
compare  those  pleasures  with  the  joys  of  ‘bis  w°rld,  even 
though  they  could  be  enjoyed  forever.  And  of  these 
pleasures,  what  proportion  does  God  give  us  in  this  life  . 
more Z;  a  single  drop  of  water  is  to  that  great  overflowing 

river,  which  is  prepared  for  us  above. 

It  is  a  shame— (and  I  apply  it  to  myself,  and  if  it  w 
possible  for  souls  to  be  ashamed  in  heaven,  I  should 
ashamed  there  much  more  justly  than  any  one  else  ,  that  we 
should  desire  such  great  blessings  and  delights,  and  such 
finite  glory,  all  at  the  cost  of  our  good  Jesus.  Should  w 
not  at  least  weep  over  Him  with  the  daughters  of  Jerusalem, 
if  we  will  not  help  Him  to  carjy  the  cross  with  Simon 
Cyrene  *  How  can  we  think  of  coming  to  enjoy,  by  pleasures 
and  pastimes,  that  which  He  purchased  for  us  at  the  cost  o, 
so  much  blood  1  This  is  impossible.  And  how  can  we  think 
bv  aspiring  to  vain  honors,  to  he  able  to  remedy  that  scorn 
and  contempt  which  He  endured  for  us  that  so  we  might 
remain  forever  with  Him!  No,  no,  we  take  quite  a  wrong 


Life  of  st.  teresa. 


243 


course;  we  shall  never  reach  our  journey’s  end  by  such  a 
way.  Your  Reverence  must  cry  aloud  to  make  these  truths 
heard  ;  and  since  God  has  deprived  me  of  this  liberty,  I  wish 
to  be  always  crying  out  to  myself, — u  How  late  did  I  come 
to  hear  and  know  God  !  ”  This  will  be  seen  by  what  I  have 
written  ;  and  it  is  a  source  of  great  confusion  to  me  to  speak 
of  it,  and  therefore  I  now  wish  to  hold  my  peace. 

I  will  only  mention  what  I  have  sometimes  been  consider¬ 
ing,  viz.,  that  God  may  be  pleased  to  bring  me  to  such  a 
state,  that  I  may  enjoy  this  immense  good.  What  an  acci¬ 
dental  glory  and  pleasure  will  it  be  for  the  blessed  who  enjoy 
this  happiness,  when  they  shall  find  that,  though  ir  was  late, 
yet  they  omitted  nothing  which  it  was  possible  for  them  to 
do  for  the  love  of  God  !  Nor  did  they  fail  to  present  Him 
with  the  most  they  could  possibly  offer  in  every  way,  accord¬ 
ing  to  the  strength  which  they  had,  and  as  their  state  allowed 
them.  How  rich  will  he  find  himself,  who  loft  all  the  riches 
he  had  for  Christ  !  How  full  of  honor,  who  rejected  all 
earthly  honor,  and  rejoiced  only  in  seeing  himself  despised, 
for  love  of  Him !  How  wise  will  he  be,  who  rejoiced  that 
men  considered  him  a  fool,  since  “Wisdom”  itself  was 
called  by  that  name  !  How  few  such  persons  are  now  in  the 
world,  on  account  of  our  sins  !  Alas  !  it  seems  that  all  those 
have  departed  long  ago  wliom  the  world  was  wont  to  con¬ 
sider  foolish,  when  it  saw  them  perform  those  heroic  acts  of 
true  lovers  of  Christ.  0  world  !  0  world  !  how  art  thou 
esteemed,  because  thou  hast  few  that  know  thee  !  But  to 
what  a  state  have  we  come,  when  men  imagine  that  God  is 
better  served  by  them  when  they  are  considered  to  be  wise 
and  discreet !  This  must  needs  be  so,  according  as  we  now 
understand  the  word  “  discretion.”  And  we  think  we  give 
‘little  edification  unless  we  make  a  show  of  great  gentility 
and  authority,  each  one  according  to  his  state.  Even  friars, 
priests,  and  nuns,  think  it  a  novelty  to  wear  anything  which 
is  old  or  patched,  as  wTell  as  an  occasion  of  scandal  to  the 
weak  ;  and  even  to  be  recollected  and  addicted  to  prayer  ! 
To  such  a  state  has  the  world  come !  But  the  study  and 
practice  of  Christian  perfection,  and  the  great  impulses  which 
the  saints  wrere  accustomed  to  have,  do  much  more  harm,  1 
believe,  to  the  wretched  creatures  who  live  in  these  times 


z44 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


than  any  scandal  which  could  arise  from  religious  persons 
publishing  that  to  the  world  by  their  works,  of  which  they 
speak  by  their  words,  that  so  mankind  might  hold  the  world 
in  little  esteem.  From  such  scandals  as  these  our  Lord 
draws  great  good ,  and  if  some  are  scandalized,  others  will 
repent  of  their  sins,  and  will  have  in  their  actions  some  trace 
of  what  Christ  and  His  apostles  suffered ;  for  now  we  have 
more  need  of  this  than  ever. 

What  an  excellent  example  did  God  lately  take  from  us, 
in  the  person  of  that  blessed  man,  Father  Peter  of  Alcan¬ 
tara  !  The  world  was  no  longer  able  to  endure  such  per¬ 
fection.  Men  say,  that  our  health  is  now  not  so  good,  and 
that  we  cannot  live  now  as  people  did  in  former  times.  But 
that  holy  man  lived  in  our  time,  and  yet  he  had  as  fervent 
a  spirit  as  men  had  in  other  days,  and  he  trod  the  world  no 
less  under  his  feet ;  for  though  we  do  not  go  barefoot,  nor 
do  such  austere  penances  as  he  did,  yet  there  are  many  ways 
whereby  we  may  tread  the  world  under  our  feet.  Our  Lord 
will  teach,  us  these  ways,  when  He  finds  a  soul  fit  to  learn 
them.  And  how  great  a  soul  did  God  bestow  on  this  saint 
of  whom  I  am  now  speaking,  to  enable  him  to  continue  for 
seven-and-forty  years  a  course  of  such  sharp  and  vigorous 
penance  as  all  know  his  to  have  been.  I  will  say  something 
about  it,  for  I  know  it  is  all  true. 

He  told  it  to  me  and  to  another,  from  whom  he  concealed 
little  :  and  the  reason  why  he  told  it,  was  the  great  love  he 
bore  me  ;  and  this  our  Lord  gave  him  to  protect  me,  and  en¬ 
courage  me,  at  the  time  of  my  greatest  necessity,  of  which  1 
have  already  spoken,  and  will  declare  further.  He  told  me 
how,  to  the  best  of  my  remembrance,  he  had  slept  no  more 
than  one  hour  and  a  half  between  day  and  night  for  the 
space  of  forty  years  ;  and  that  this  was  the  greatest  difficulty 
he  found  in  his  penance  at  the  beginning,  to  overcome  him¬ 
self  in  point  of  sleep  ;  and  that  for  this  purpose  he  was  always 
obliged  to  be  either  kneeling  or  standing ;  and  when  he  slept 
it  was  in  a  sitting  posture,  leaning  his  head  against  a  little 
piece  of  wood  which  he  had  driven  into  the  wall ;  that  he 
could  not  lie  down  at  full  length  in  his  cell,  even  if  he  wished, 
for  it  was  not  above  four  feet  and  a  half  long,  as  is  well 
known.  During  all  these  years  he  never  put  on  his  hood, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA#  245 

how  hot  soever  the  sun,  or  how  great  soever  the  rain  might 
be  :  he  never  wore  anything  on  his  feet,  and  his  body  was 
clad  only  with  a  habit  of  thick  coarse  sackcloth,  without  any 
other  thing  next  his  skin,  and  this  as  strait  as  could  be 
endured,  with  a  short  mantle  of  the  same  material  over  it. 
He  told  m-',  that  when  the  weather  was  extremely  cold,  he 
was  accustomed  to  put  off  his  mantle,  and  to  leave  the  door 
and  the  little  window  of  his  cell  open,  that  so  when  he  after¬ 
wards  put  his  cloak  on  again,  and  shut  his  door,  he  might 
give  his  body  so  much  refreshment  by  it,  as  that  it  might  be 
quiet  with  this  additional  warmth.  It  was  usual  for  him 
not  to  eat  till  the  third  day !  He  asked  me  why  I  was 
astonished  at  this  ?  For  he  said  it  was  very  possible  for  one 
who  had  accustomed  himself  to  it.  A  companion  of  his  told 
me,  that  sometimes  it  happened  he  ate  nothing  for  eight 
days ;  this  perhaps  might  have  been  when  he  was  in  prayer, 
for  then  he  used  to  have  great  raptures  and  impulses  c "  the 
love  of  God,  of  which  I  myself  was  an  eye-witness.  His 
poverty  was  extreme,  and  go  also  was  his  mortification  rom 
his  youth  ;  for  he  told  me  he  had  lived  three  years  i  1  a 
house  of  his  Order  without  knowing  any  of  the  religious, 
except  by  their  speech,  for  he  never  lifted  up  his  eyes  :  hence, 
when  he  was  obliged  to  go  from  one  place  to  another,  he 
knew  not  how,  except  by  following  the  other  religious.  This 
was  the  case  on  journeys.  As  to  women,  for  many  years  he 
never  looked  at  any  one.  He  told  me  that  it  was  now  all 
the  same  to  him  whether  he  saw  any  one  or  did  not  see 
them  ;  but  when  I  became  acquainted  with  him  he  was  then 
very  old,  and  his  weakness  so  extreme,  that  he  seemed  to  be 
made  only  of  the  roots  of  trees.  With  all  this  sanctity  he 
was  very  affable,  though  he  expressed  himself  in  few  words, 
unless  some  question  were  asked  him.  In  them  he  was  very 
agreeable,  for  he  had  an  excellent  understanding.  Many 
other  things  I  should  like  to  mention,  but  I  fear  your  Bev- 
erence  might  ask  me  why  I  turned  to  this  subject  ,r  And 
even  this  little  I  have  not  written  without  some  fear.  I  shall 
add  no  more,  but  only  that  he  died  as  he  lived,  preaching  to 
and  admonishing  his  friars.  When  he  saw  his  last  end 


21* 


246 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


approaching,  he  exclaimed, — “  Laetatus  sum  in  his  quae  dicta 
sunt  mihi,”  &c.,*  and,  kneeling  down,  he  expired.! 

Since  then  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  to  let  me  enjoy 
more  of  him  than  I  did  when  he  was  alive,  for  he  gives  me 
advice  in  many  things.  I  have  often  seen  him  in  exceeding 
great  glory.  The  first  time  he  appeared  he  said, — “  0 
happy  penance,  which  has  obtained  so  great  a  reward  . 
And  many  other  things  he  said.  A  year  before  he  died  he 
appeared  to  me,  when  we  were  at  some  distance  from  each 
other  ;  I  understood  that  he  was  to  die,  and  I  warned  him  of 
it.'  When  he  expired  he  appeared  to  me,  and  told  me  that 
he  was  going  to  rest.  I  did  not  then  believe  it,  but  yet  I 
mentioned  it  to  some  persons,  and  within  eight  days  after  the 
news  came  to  us  that  he  was  dead  5  or  rather,  to  speak  more 
properly,  that  he  had  then  begun  to  live  forever.  Behold 
here  the  severe  penance  of  his  life,  winch  ended  in  so  much 
glory,  that  methinks  he  comforts  me  now  much  more  than 
when  he  was  alive.  Our  Lord  told  me  once,  that  men  should 
not  ask  anything  in  his  name  without  being  heard  ;  and  1 
have  myself  recommended  many  things  to  him  that  he  might 
beg  them  of  our  Lord,  and  I  always  found  them  granted. 
May  our  Lord  be  blessed  forever.  Amen. 

But  what  a  discourse  I  have  been  making,  that  so  I  might 
excite  your  Beverence  not  to  esteem  anything  in  this  world, 
as  if  you  did  not  know  this  already,  or  were  not  determined 
to  abandon  all  things,  and  to  perform  what  you  had  resolved 
upon  !  But  I  see  such  wickedness  in  the  world,  that  though 
it  may  profit  little  for  me  to  speak,  and  though  it  may  be 
tiresome  for  me  to  write,  still  it  does  give  me  some  ease, 
even  though  I  should  speak  against  myself.  May  our  Lord 
forgive  me  whatever  I  may  have  committed  in  this  particular  , 
and  I  beseech  your  Reverence  also  to  pardon  me  for  putting 
you  to  so  much  unnecessary  trouble :  it  seems  that  I  wish  to 
make  you  do  penance  for  what  I  myself  have  committed. 


*  “I  rejoiced  at,  the  things  that  were  said  to  me :  we  shall  go  into  the 
house  of  the  Lord.”  (Psalm  exxvi.) 

t  See  the  Life  of  this  great  Saint  in  Alban  Butler,  Oct.  19.  The  Saint 
wrote  two  excellent  short  treatises.— 1.  “On  Mental  Prayer;  2.  “On 
the  Peace  of  the  Soul.”  The  former  has  been  translated  into  English  by 
Giles  Willoughby.  (Dolman,  1843.) 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  247 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

THE  SAINT  SPEAKS  OF  THE  GREAT  FAYORS  OUR  LORD  BESTOWED  UPON 
HER,  AND  HOW  HE  APPEARED  TO  HER  FOR  THE  FIRST  TIME. 

But  now  to  return  to  wliat  I  was  speaking  of :  I  had  that 
kind  of  vision  for  some  days  continually,  and  it  was  so  pro¬ 
fitable  to  me  that  I  never  omitted  prayer  5  and  besides, 
whatever  I  happened  to  do,  I  took  care  it  should  be  done  in 
sucli  a  manner  that  it  might  not  displease  Him,  whom  I 
evidently  saw  to  be  there,  as  a  witness  of  all  that  passed ; 
and  though  sometimes  I  feared  on  account  of  what  I  was 
told,  still  my  trouble  did  not  last  long,  because  our  Lord 
comforted  and  encouraged  me.  Being  one  day  in  prayer,  it 
pleased  our  Lord  to  show  me  His  sacred  hands,  and  they 
were  so  excessively  beautiful  that  I  am  not  able  to  describe 
them.  But  this  sight  gave  me  great  fear,  .as  indeed  every 
new  sight  does  in  the  beginning  of  any  of  those  supernatural 
favors  which  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  show  me.  Within  a  few 
days  after,  I  saw  His  divine  face,  the  sight  of  which,  methinks, 
left  me  quite  absorbed.  I  could  not  conceive  why  our  Lord 
showed  Himself  thus  to  me,  by  little  and  little,  since  after¬ 
wards  He  resolved  to  do  me  the  favor  that  I  should  see  His 
whole  person,  till  I  came  to  reflect  that  our  Lord  was  pleased 
to  conduct  me  according  to  my  natural  weakness.  May  He 
be  blessed  forever,  since  such  great  glory  united  together, 
so  base  and  wicked  a  creature  as  myself  could  not  have 
endured  ;  and  therefore  our  merciful  Lord,  who  knew  this, 
disposed  of  things  in  this  manner. 

Your  Reverence  may,  perhaps,  imagine  that  there  was  not 
any  need  of  much  strength,  to  behold  hands  and  face  so 
beautiful.  But  glorified  bodies  are  so  beautiful,  that  the 
glory  they  bring  along  with  them  (when  we  behold  such 
supernatural  and  delightful  objects),  quite  amazes  and  dis¬ 
tracts  the  soul ;  and  thus  I  was  so  frightened  at  first,  that  I 
fell  into  great  trouble  and  disorder,  though  afterwards  I 
gained  certainty  and  security,  with  other  such  effects,  that 
*'ar  quickly  vanished  away. 

On  the  feast  of  St.  Paul,  while  I  was  hearing  mass,  all 


248 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


•  the  most  sacred  Humanity  of  Christ  was  represented  to  me. 
as  it  is  painted  after  Ilis  resurrection ;  but  with  such  great 
beauty  and  majesty  as  I  once  particularly  described  to  your 
Reverence,  when  you  commanded  me  to  do  so.  1  was 
troubled  enough  at  your  commanding  me,  for  such  a  thing 
cannot  be  done  without  almost  annihilating  one’s  self.  Hut 
I  did  what  you  commanded  me  as  well  as  I  could,  and  there¬ 
fore  I  need  not  now  repeat  it  again  in  this  place.  .  I  only 
say,  that  if  there  were  nothing  else  in  heaven  to  delight  oui 
smht  but  the  excessive  beauty  of  glorified  bodies,  the  glory 
would  be  immense,  especially  to  behold  the  Humanity  of 
Jesus  Christ  our  Lord  j  and  if  His  Majesty  be  so  great,  even 
when  it  is  represented  to  us  in  this  world,  according  to  that 
proportion  which  our  misery  can  bear,  what  will  it  be  when 
we  shall  wholly  enjoy  and  possess  such  happiness  .  1  his 

vision,  though  represented  to  me  by  the  way  of  a  mental 
image,  was  never  seen  by  me  with  the  eyes  of  my  bo  y,  nor 
was  any  other, — but  only  with  the  eyes  of  my  sou  .  ey 
who  understand  these  things  better  than  I  do,  affirm  that 
the  former  vision,  which  was  purely  intellectual,  is  of  a 
higher  and  more  perfect  kind  than  this ;  and  also  that  this  is 
much  more  so  than  the  others,  which  are  seen  with  corporal 
eyes ;  for  these  latter,  they  say,  are  of  the  lowest  kind,  m 
which  the  devil  can  more  easily  introduce  his  illusions-, 
though  at  that  time  I  could  not  understand  any  such  thing, 
but  rather  desired,  that  when  I  was  to  receive  any  favor  of 
this  nature,  it  might  be  so  that  I  might  see  it  with  my  cor¬ 
poral  eyes,  to  the  end  that  my  confessor  might  not  tell 
me  I  only  fancied  these  things.  And  so  it  also,  happened  to 
me  as  soon  as  it  was  past  (and  this  was  in  one  instant),  that 
I  began  to  think  I  might,  perhaps,  have  only  fancied  the 
vision,  and  I  was  thus  somewhat  troubled  for  having  told  my 
confessor,  thinking  whether  or  no  I  had  deceived  him..  This 
was  the  cause  of  another  trouble,  and  so  I  went  to  him  and 
told  him  of  it.  He  asked  me  whether  I  really  thought  so, 
and  if  I  had  any  desire  to  deceive  him  1  I  told  him  the 
truth,  because,  as  far  as  I  can  judge,  I  had  no  wish  to  tell 
a  lie,  nor  did  I  intend  to  do  such  a  thing,  nor  would  1,  tor 
the  whole  world,  have  said  one  thing  for  another.  This  he 
knew  very  well,  and  so  he  did  his  best  to  comfort  and  calm 


249 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

me.  But  I  felt  so  unwilling  to  trouble  him  with  these 
matters,  that  I  know  not  how  the  devil  could  have  made  me 
fancy  I  had  feigned  anything,  or  deceived  my  confessor  :  this 
he  did  to  torment  me. 

But  our  Lord  made  such  haste  to  show  me  favors,  and  to 
declare  this  truth,  that  I  was  soon  free  from  every  doubt 
whether  it  were  fancy  or  no  :  since  then  I  see  my  folly  very 
clearly.  Though  I  were  to  employ  many  years  in  imagining 
how  I  could  represent  an  object  so  beautiful,  I  should  neither 
have  the  power  nor  the  ability  to.  do  it,  for  such  a  sight 
exceeds  all  that  can  possibly  be  imagined  in  this  world,  by 
its  clearness  and  brightness  alone.  It  is  not  a  splendor 
which  dazzles,  but  a  sweet  lustre.  It  is  a  brightness  infused, 
which  affords  an  exceeding  great  pleasure  to  the  sight,  and 
does  not  tire  us ;  nor  does  that  light  offend,  whereby  we  see 
this  object  of  such  divine  beauty.  It  is  a  light  so  different 
from  that  of  this  world,  that  even  the  brightness  of  the  sun 
itself,  which  we  see,  is  dim  in  comparison  with  that  light  and 
brightness  which  are  represented  to  the  sight,  and  hence  the 
eyes  can  scarcely  open  themselves  to  behold  it.  It  is  as  if  we 
beheld  very  pure  water  running  upon  crystal,  with,  the  sun 

i  reflecting  upon  it  and  striking  through  it,  in  companson  with 

other  very  muddy  water,  seen  in  a  cloudy  day,  and  running 
upon  an  earthy  bottom.  Not  that  any  sun  is  represented, 
nor  is  that  light  like  the  light  of  the  sun  ;  in  a  word,  this 
light  seems  a  natural  light,  and  tlic  other  but  an  artificial  one. 
This  is  a  light  which  never  sets,  and  it  has  no  night,  but 
as  it  is  always  light,  nothing  disturbs  it.  Indeed,  it  is  of 
such  a  nature,  that  however  sublime  the  understanding  of 
a  person  may  be,  he  would  never,  during  all  his  life,  be  able 
properly  to  conceive  what  its  nature  is ;  and  God  places  it 
before  us  so  suddenly,  that  we  should  not  even  have  time  to 
open  our  eyes,  if  that  were  necessary ;  but  it  helps  us  no 
more  to  have  them  open  than  shut,  whenever  our  Lord  is 
pleased  we  should  see  it,  whether  we  will  or  no.  Nor  can 
any  distraction  divert  us  from  it,  nor  any  power  resist  it ; 
nor,  on  the  other  hand,  can  any  care  or  diligence  procure  it ; 
and  of  this  I  have  had  good  experience,  as  I  shall  mention. 

But  what  I  wish  to  relate  nowr,  is  the  manner  how  our 
Lord  shows  himself  by  these  visions.  I  do  not  say  I  will 


LITE  or  ST.  TERESA. 


*j50 

explain  the  manner  by  which  this  strong  light  is  able  to  con¬ 
vey  itself  into  the  inward  sense,  and  imprint  on  the  under¬ 
standing  so  clear  an  image,  as  to  make  it  really  appear  to  be 
there,  because  this  point  belongs  to  learned  men.  Our  Lord 
has  not  been  pleased  to  make  me  understand  the  manner 
thereof ;  and  I  am  myself  so  ignorant,  and  my  understanding 
is  so  dull,  that  though  many  have  used  great  endeavors  to 
explain  it  to  me,  I  have  not  yet  been  able  to  comprehend  the 
manner  thereof.  And  this  is  very  certain,  that  though  your 
Reverence  may  think  I  possess  a  quick  understanding,  1  do 
not:  for,  in  many  things  I  have  found  what  I  say  to  be  true 
by  experience,  viz.,  that  it  comprehends  no  more  than  what 
is  given  it  to  eat,  as  the  saying  is.  Sometimes  my  confessor 
was  amazed  at  my  ignorance,  and  he  never  made  me  under¬ 
stand,  nor  did  I  desire  to  know  how  God  did  this,  or  how 
this  could  be  ;  neither  did  I  ask  him  about  it,  though  as  . 
have  already  mentioned,  I  consulted  for  several  years  many 
learned  men,  to  know  whether  this  or  that  were  a  sin  or  no ; 
but  as  for  the  rest,  I  only  had  occasion  to  remember  that 
God  does  everything,  and  that  I  was  not  to  wonder  at  His 
works,  but  only  to  praise  Him  :  and  thus  my  devotion  was 
rather  excited  by  difficulties,  and  the  more  difficulties  the 

more  devotion  I  had.  . 

I  will  now  mention  what  I  have  learned  by  experience, 

viz.,  how  our  Lord  does  this  :  your  Reverence,  however,  will 
express  it  better,  and  will  explain  all  that  may  be  obscure, 
and  which  I  know  not  how  to  explain.  It  seemed  to  me,  on 
certain  occasions,  to  be  an  image  which  I  saw,  but  on  other 
occasions  it  was  not  so  :  it  was  Christ  himself,  judging  as  1 
did  from  the  clearness  with  which  He  was  pleased  to  mani¬ 
fest  Himself  to  me.  And  yet  sometimes  it  was  m  so  indis¬ 
tinct  a  way,  that  it  seemed  to  be  an  image  or  representation, 
but  very  different  from  those  portraits  which  are  made  in 
this  world,  however  perfect  they  may  be,  for  I  have  seen 
some  very  good  ones.  It  would  be  foolish  to  suppose  that- 
there  is  a  likeness  in  any  way  between  them  both,  for  how¬ 
ever  well  a  portrait  may  be  taken,  it  can  never  equal  the 
natural  one,  for  the  one  is  alive  and  the  other  dead.  But 
let  us  put  this  aside,  though  yet  the  relation  of  one  to  the 

other  holds  very  well. 


251 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

Still,  I  say  not  tliat  I  make  a  comparison  between  Christ 
our  Lord  and  that  which  I  said  I  saw  ;  for  comparisons  never 
agree  so  perfectly  as  these  two  things  did.  But  the  truth  is, 
there  is  the  same  difference  in  what  I  saw  from  any  image, 
as  there  is  between  something  which  lives  and  something 
which  is  only  painted  :  if,  then,  this  was  an  image,  it  was  a 
living  image,  and  not  a  dead  man,  but  Christ  alive  ;  and  I 
was  enabled  to  see*  Him  both  as  Grod  and  man,  not  as  He 
was  in  the  sepulchre,  but  as  He  appeared  after  His  Resur¬ 
rection.  And  sometimes  he  comes  with  such  great  Majesty, 
that  no  one  can  doubt  of  its  being  our  Lord  himself,  espe¬ 
cially  after  receiving  the  Blessed  Sacrament,  for  then  we 
know  well  He  is  there,  since  our  faith  assures  us  of  it  He 
then  shows  himself  to  be  so  entirely  the  Master  of  this  my 
dwelling,  that  the  soul  seems  to  be  wholly  dissolved  and  con¬ 
sumed  in  Christ.  0  my  Jesus!  who  can  express,  so  as  to 
be  understood,  the  majesty  with  which  Thou  showest  Thyself'? 
And  how  absolutely  Thou  art  Lord  of  the  whole  universe, 
and  of  the  heavens,  and  of  other  innumerable  worlds  and 
heavens  which  Thou  canst  create,  as  the  soul  under¬ 
stands  according  to  the  majesty  wherewith  Thou  showest 
Thyself  to  her ;  then  she  knows  that  all  these  would  be 

nothing  for  Thee  to  be  Lord  of. 

Here,  my  sweet  Jesus !  the  soul  clearly  sees  what  little 
power  the  devils  have  in  comparison  with  Thine  ;  and  how- 
lie  who  pleases  Thee  may  trample  hell  entirely  under  his 
feet.  Here  the  soul  sees  the  reason  the  devils  had  to  trem¬ 
ble  when  Thou  didst  descend  into  Limbo,  and  how  they 
would  then  have  wished  rather  to  have  been  in  a  thousand 
other  hells  lower  down,  that  so  they  might  fly  from  such 
great  majesty.  I  see  likewise  that  Thou  desirest  to  make 
our  soul  understand  how  great  Thou  art,  and  the  power 
which  Thy  most  sacred  Humanity  possesses,  joined  with  Thy 
Divinity.  Here  is  well  represented  what  the  day  of  judg¬ 
ment  will  be,  when  we  shall  see  the  majesty  of  this  King, 
and  behold  the  rigor  He  will  use  against  the  wicked.  Here 
true  humility  is  fixed  in  the  soul,  by  seeing  her  own  misery, 
of  which  she  can  be  no  longer  ignorant.  Here  we  accjuiie 
confusion  and  true  repentance  for  our  sins,  so  that  when  she 
beholds  what  great  love  our  Lord  has  shown  her,  she  know 3 


252 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


not  what  to  do  with  herself,  but  is,  as  it  were,  wholly  anni¬ 
hilated.*  I  say,  this  kind  of  vision  has  such  excessive  power 
and  strength  (when  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  show  a  soul  a 
considerable  portion  of  His  greatness  and  majesty ),  that  I 
consider  it  impossible  for  any  one  to  endure  it,  unless  our 
Lord  be  pleased  to  assist  the  soul  in  a  supernatural  manner, 
by  making  her  remain  in  a  rapture  or  ecstacy,  and  so  lose 
the  sight  of  that  Divine  presence  by  the- act  of  enjoying  it. 
This  vision,  however,  may  afterwards  be  forgotten  ;  and  yet, 
it  cannot  be  entirely  forgotten,  because  the  Divine  majesty 
and  beauty  are  so  deeply  imprinted  in  the  soul,  but  only  in 
the  case  where  our  Lord  is  pleased  that  the  soul  should 
suffer  dryness  and  great  solitude,  of  which  I  shall  speak 
afterwards  then  it  seems  that  one  forgets  even  God  him¬ 
self.  The  soul  is  now  quite  another  creature  from  what  she 
was  before  5  and  it  seems  she  has  a  lively  kind  of  love  com¬ 
municated  to  her  anew,  in  a  much  higher  degree  ;  for  though 
that  other  kind  of  vision  I  spoke  of  before  (which  represents 
our  Lord  without  any  image),  be  something  more  sublime  in 
itself ;  yet  in  order  to  make  it  remain  long  in  our  memory, 
according  to  our  weakness,  and  to  entertain  and  keep  our 
thoughts  well  employed,  it  is  very  important  for  us  that  so 
Divine  a  presence  should  also  remain  imprinted  in  the  imagi¬ 
nation.  Thus  these  two  kinds  of  vision  always  come  to¬ 
gether  ;  and  it  is  thus  that  they  come,  because  the  excellence, 
and  beauty,  and  glory  of  the  most  holy  Humanity  of  Chiist 
are  beheld  with  the  eyes  of  the  soul )  and  by  the  other  way 
already  spoken  of,  we  are  enabled  to  comprehend  that  He  is 
God,  and  that  He  is  powerful  and  omnipotent ;  that  He 
commands  and  governs  all  things,  and  that  His  love  fills 

everything.  . 

This  kind  of  vision  should  be  valued  very  highly,  and  is, 
in  my  opinion,  without  danger  ;  for  it  is  easily  known  by  the 
effects,  that  the  devil  has  no  power  therein.  I  think,  how¬ 
ever,  that  three  or  four  times  he  wished  to  represent  our 
Lord  himself  to  me,  by  a  false  representation  ;  but  though 
he  may  assume  the  form  of  flesh,  yet  he  cannot  counterfeit 
by  that  glory  which  is  manifest,  when  the  vision  comes  from 
God.  The  devil  makes  certain  representations  in  order  to 
destroy  some  true  vision  which  the  soul  has  seen  j  but  she 


253 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

resists  him  as  well  as  she  can,  though  she  is  so  disturbed, 
disquieted,  and  disordered,  that  she  loses  the  devotion  and 
pleasure  she  had  before,  and  remains  without  any  prayer  at 
all.  This  happened  to  me  three  or  four  times  in  the  begin¬ 
ning,  as  I  have  already  mentioned.  But  this  false  vision  is 
so  different  from  the  other,  that  whosoever  has  arrived  only 
at  the  Prayer  of  Quiet,  will,  I  think,  understand  the  matter, 
by  the  effects  which  have  been  spoken  of  in  the  discourse  on 
those  “  words  or  speeches”  which  are  sometimes  imprinted 
on  the  soul.  This  is  a  very  certain  truth ;  and  unless  a  soul 
wish  to  be  deceived,  I  believe  the  devil  will  not  be  able  to 
deceive  her,  if  she  walk  with  humility  and  simplicity. 
Whoever  receives  a  true  vision  from  G-od,  will  from  that 
instantly  perceive  the  nature  of  another,  which  is  false  ;  and 
though  this  false  vision  may  impart  a  certain  pleasure  and 
delight,  yet  tho  soul  will  shake  them  off ;  and  besides,  in  my 
opinion,  the  pleasure  will  not  be  real,  nor  will  it  have  even 
the  appearance  of  a  love  which  is  pure  and  chaste,  and  hence 
very  soon  she  will  discover  whence  it  comes.  That  all  this 
should  be  mere  imagination  is  utterly  impossible,  for  the 
beauty  and  loveliness  of  only  one  hand  far  surpasses  all  our 
imagination.  Besides,  without  our  remembering  or  ever 
having  thought  of  any  such  matter,  to  see  objects  presented 
before  us  in  an  instant,  which  could  never  have  been  formed 
by  the  imagination  without  a  long  time  (because  such  things 
surpass  all  that  we  are  able  to  comprehend  in  this  world) :  this, 
I  repeat,  would  be  impossible.  And  even  if  we  could  do 
something  of  this  kind,  yet  it  could  not  be  done  for  this 
other  reason,  which  I  will  now  mention.  If  we  should  be 
able  to  represent  any  such  thing  by  the  strength  of  our  under¬ 
standing — (and  then  it  would  not  produce  the  great  effects 
which  a  true  vision  does,  if,  indeed,  any  at  all),  it  would  be 
like  one  desirous  of  going  to  sleep,  and  yet  he  would  remain 
awake,  because  he  cannot  fall  asleep.  But  if  he  should 
wish  to  sleep,  and  has  need  of  it,  and  at  the  same  time 
should  have  any  weakness  in  the  head  which  prevents  sleep, 
he  uses  every  exertion  for  this  purpose,  and  sometimes  he 
thinks  he  succeeds  a  little.  But  if,  after  all,  he  do  not  truly 
and  really  sleep  soundly  he  is  not  refreshed,  nor  does  his 
head  become  much  better,  rather  it  may  sometimes  become 
22 


254 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


worse.  And  so  is  it,  in  some  measure,  with  regard  to  this 
case,  for  then  the  soul  becomes  dizzy ;  she  w  no  longer 
strengthened  or  supported,  but  rather  gets  tired  and  dis¬ 
gusted.  But,  in  the  other  case  of  which  I  was  speaking,  1 
cannot  express  what  riches  are  acquired  by  the  soul,  and 
even  the  body  itself  becomes  healthful  and  vigorous 

These  and  other  reasons  I  alleged,  when  I  was  told  £‘ these 
things  came  from  the  devil,  or  that  I  only  fancied  them. 
This  was  often  mentioned  to  me ;  and  I,  on  the  other  hand, 
used,  to  make  comparisons  as  well  as  I  could,  and  our  Lord 
put  them  into  my  mind.  But  all  availed  little  ;  for  as  there 
were  some  very  holy  persons  in  that  place  (and  1  being 
misery  in  itself  in  comparison  with  them),  who  were  not 
guided  by  this  way,  they  immediately  began  to  fear  that  my 
sins,  in  all  appearance,  were  the  cause  of  these  effects ;  and 
*so  the  report  went  from  one  to  another  in  such  a  manner, 
that  many  became  acquainted  with  these  secrets  of  mine, 
though  I  had  mentioned  them  to  no  one  but  my  confessor, 
or  to  such  as  he  commanded  me  to  mention  them.  I  said 
to  them  once,  that  if  they  who  spoke  thus  to  me  should 
assert  that  some  person  with  whom  I  had  just  been  talking, 
and  whom  I  knew  very  well,  was  not  that  person,  but  that  1 
only  fancied  such  a  person,  I  should  have  more  easily  be¬ 
lieved  them  than  that  which  I  saw.  But  if  this  individual 
left  some  jewels  with  me,  and  they  remained  still  in  my 
hand,  as  pledges  of  the  great  love  he  bore  me ;  and  that 
now  I  perceived  I  was  rich,  whereas  I  was  very  poor  before, 
I  should  not  then  be  able  to  believe  them,  however  much  I 
might  desire  it,  especially  since  I  could  show  these  jewels  to 
others,  for  all  who  knew  me  saw  clearly  that  I  had  become 
quite  another  person,  and  so  my  confessor  also  told  me,  for 
the  difference  was  very  great  in  every  respect,  and  not 
feigned,  but  all  could  see  it  very  plainly.  Having  been  so 
wicked  before,  I  used  to  say  I  could  not  believe,  that  it 
the  devil  did  this  to  deceive,  me  and  send  me  to  hell,  he 
would  make  use  of  means  very  different  from  these,  which 
had  greatly  served  to  root  out  vices,  and  to  plant  in  me 
strength  and  every  virtue  ;  and  I  perceived  very  clearly, 
that  I  soon  became  by  these  means  quite  another  crea¬ 
ture. 


255 


» 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

My  combssor*  belonged,  as  1  have  mentioned,  to  the  So¬ 
ciety  of  Jesus,  and  a  very  holy  man  he  was  :  he  also  made 
the  same  answer,  as  I  afterwards  learnt.  He  was  very  dis¬ 
creet  and  very  humble  ;  and  yet  this  humility  cost  me  many 
troubles  ;  for  though  he  was  a  learned  man,  and  a  man  of 
prayer,  yet  he  did  not  trust  in  himself :  as  our  Lord  did  not 
lead  him  along  this  road,  he  had  much  trouble  with  me  in 
several  ways.  They  even  wished  him  to  take  heed  of  me, 
lest  the  devil  might  deceive  him,  by  inducing  him  to  believe 
something  of  what  I  told  him ;  and  to  prove  their  point, 
they  adduced  the  examples  of  other  persons.  All  this  gave 
me  trouble  enough,  for  I  was  afraid  I  should  have  no  one  to 
hear  my  confession,  but  that  every  one  would  fly  from  me  ; 
and  so  I  did  nothing  but  weep.  It  was  &  mercy  of  God 
that  this  Father  still  continued  to  hear  me  :  but  he  was  so 
great  a  servant  of  God,  that  for  His  sake  he  was  willing  to 
expose  himself  to  everything ;  and  so  he  bade  me  not  to 
offend  God,  nor  to  depart  from  the  directions  he  gave  me  . 
he  told  me  also  not  to  fear  about  his  leaving  me.  He 
always  comforted  and  encouraged  me,  and  commanded  me 
never  to  conceal  anything  from  him.  And  should  I  observe 
this  command,  he  told  me,  that  though  it  were  the  devil,  he 
would  not  be  able  to  do  me  any  harm,  but  rather  that  our 
Lord  would  draw  good  out  of  the  evil  which  the  devil  wished 
to  do  my  soul.  He  wished  to  advance  me  in  all  things  as 
well  as  he  could,  and  I,  being  in  such  fear,  obeyed  him  in 
everything,  though  imperfectly.  He  had  a  great  deal  of 
trouble  with  me  for  more  than  three  years,  during  which  I 
confessed  to  him,  in  the  midst  of  these  afflictions  and  the 
great  persecutions  I  underwent,  for  our  Lord  allowed  people 
to  form  a  bad  opinion  of  me ;  and  these  afflictions  came, 
many  of  them  at  least,  without  any  fault  of  mine,  so  that  I 
was  always  coming  to  the  Father,  and  he  was  blamed  on  my 
account,  though  he  was  not  in  any  fault  whatever.  I  think 
it  would  have  been  impossible  for  him  to  have  endured  all 
these  troubles  so  long,  had  he  not  been  a  man  of  great 
sanctity ;  but  our  Lord  animated  him,  and  enabled  him  to 
bear  so  much,  for  he  had  to  answer  every  one  who  thought 

*  Baltassar  Alvarez.  (See  his  edifying  Life,  by  Father  Dupont  ;  also 
some  account  of  hi3  manner  of  prayer,  in  Baker’s  “  Sancta  Sophia.”) 


256 


LIFE  O?  ST,  TERESA  ( 

I  was  a  lost  soul :  but  they  believed  him  not :  and  on  the 
other  hand,  he  had  to  calm  my  mind,  and  to  draw  me  out  of 
the  fear  I  had,  by  threatening  me  with  a  greater.  He  had 
also  to  satisfy  me  in  another  respect,  for,  with  regard  to 
every  vision  which  was  new,  our  Lord  permitted  me  after¬ 
wards  to  have  great  fears.  All  this  came  from  my  having 
been  and  being  still  so  great  a  sinner.  Still,  he  comforted 
me  with  much  compassion,  and  had  he  followed  his  own 
opinion,  I  should  not  have  suffered  so  much,  for  God  enabled 
him  to  understand  the  truth  in  all  things:  and  I  believe 
that  the  Sacrament  of  Penance  gave  him  light  to  direct  me. 

Those  other  servants  of  God,  who  could  not  make  them¬ 
selves  sure  of  my  being  directed  by  God,  often  conversed 
with  me  ;  and  when  I  used  to  be  carelessly  speaking  of  some 
things,  they  would  understand  them  in  a  different  manner. 
Now  one  of  these  I  loved  much,  for  my  soul  was  exceedingly 
indebted  to  him,  and  he  was  a  very  holy  man.  I  was  much 
troubled  to  see  that  I  could  not  make  myself  understood  by 
him ;  while  he,  on  the  other  hand,  desired  my  spiritual  good 
with  all  his  heart  and  soul,  and  prayed  that  our  Lord  would 
enlighten  me.  And  so  when  I  used  to  be  relating  things  to 
them  without  reflection  upon  what  I  said,  it  seemed  to  them  • 
to  be  a  sigu  of  little  humility  in  me ;  and  when  they  saw  me 
commit  some  fault  (and  they  might  have  noticed  many  ),  all 
condemned  me  immediately.  Sometimes  they  asked  me 
some  questions,  and  I  answered  them  with  candor,  and  even 
without  reflection:  then  they  thought  I  wished  to  teach 
them,  and  that  I  considered  myself  to  be  very  clever,  and 
accordingly  they  would  go  to  my  confessor  to  complain, 
because  they  certainly  wished  me  well,  and  le  reprimanded 
me.  This  lasted  a  long  time,  and  I  was  afflicted  in  many 
ways  ;  but,  as  I  received  many  favors  from  our  Lord,  I  was 

able  to  endure  every  trouble. 

I  mention  all  these  things  that  we  may  understand,  what 
trouble  it  is  not  to  have  a  director  who  is  experienced  in  the 
ways  of  the  Spirit ;  hence,  if  our  Lord  had  not  favored  me 
so  much  as  He  did,  I  know  not  what  would  have  become  ot 
me,  since  there  were  circumstances  sufficient  to  have  de¬ 
prived  me  of  my  senses ;  and  sometimes  I  saw  myself  in 
such  a  state  that  I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  myself,  except 


L I  IT  E  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


'  257' 

to  lift  up  my  eyes  to  our  Lord,  because  the  persecution  which 
I  endured  from  good  men — I  who  was  such  a  weak  and 
wicked  poor  creature,  and  also  so  timorous,  may  perhaps 
seem  scarcely  worth  relating  ;  and  though  during  my  life  I 
have  passed  through  very  great  troubles,  yet  this  last  I  have 
found  to  be  the  most  severe  I  ever  experienced.  God  grant 
that  by  this  trouble  I  may  have  been  able  to  serve  His  Ma¬ 
jesty  a  little,  for  I  am  sure  that  those  who  accused  and  con¬ 
demned  me  promoted  His  service,  and  all  tended  to  my 
greater  good. 


CHAPTEK  XXIX, 

THE  SAINT  CONTINUES  THE  SAME  SUBJECT,  AND  MENTIONS  CERTAIN 
GREAT  FAVORS  WHICH  OUR  LORD  SHOWED  HER,  AND  WHAT  HE  SAID 
TO  COMFORT  AND  CONSOLE  HER,  ETC. 

I  have  wandered  much  from  my  subject,  in  endeavoring 
to  prove  that  what  I  have  mentioned  was  not  an  effect  of 
the  imagination  j  for  how  should  we  be  able,  by  any  study 
of  our  own,  to  represent  the  Humanity  of  Christ,  and  by 
our  imagination  to  form  any  idea  of  such  great  beauty  ?  For 
this  purpose  no  little  time  would  be  requisite,  if  we  wished 
to  represent  anything  which  could  in  any  manner  resemble 
it.  In  the  one  case  we  may  well  represent  it  before  our 
imagination,  and  stand  looking  at  it  for  some  time,  and  con¬ 
sider  His  shape  and  complexion,  and  so  go  on  perfecting  the 
image  by  little  and  little,  and  impressing  it  on  our  memory, 
for  who  can  take  this  power  from  the  mind  ?  And  this  much 
I  am  able  to  do  by  the  strength  of  my  understanding.  But 
in  the  present  case,  of  which  I  am  speaking,  there  is  no 
means  of  doing  this  ;  for  we  must  behold  it,  when  and  how 
our  Lord  is  pleased  to  represent  it  to  us,  and  as  he  wishes ; 
nor  can  we  diminish  or  add  anything,  nor  use  any  means  for 
this  purpose,  however  much  we  may  endeavor  to  do  so, 
either  towards  our  seeing  it  or  forbearing  to  see  it  when  we 
wish :  and  if  we  should  desire  to  behold  any  particular  ob¬ 
ject,  the  sight  of  Christ  is  instantly  lost.  For  two  years  and 
a  half  our  Lord  was  very  ordinarily  pleased  to  grant  me  this 
22* 


258 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


favor  (which  for  more  than  three  years  He  has  changed  for 
another  of  a  higher  kind,  as  I  shall  perhaps  mention  after¬ 
wards)  ;  and  then  seeing  how  He  would  be  speaking  to  me, 
while  I  was  beholding  His  great  beauty,  and  the  sweetness 
with  which  He  uttered  those  words,  with  His  most  lovely  and 
divine  mouth,  and  sometimes  with  rigor,  I  had  a  great  desire 
to  see  the  color  of  His  eyes,  and  their  size  and  shape,  that 
so  I  might  be  able  to  describe  them  j  but  never  have  I  de¬ 
served  to  behold  them,  nor  could  I  gain  my  object  by  any 
diligence,  but  rather  the  vision  was  then  entirely  lost.  And 
though  sometimes  I  see  He  looks  upon  me  with  compassion, 
yet  the  sight  is  so  overpowering  that  the  soul  is  not  able  to 
endure  it,  but  remains  in  so  high  a  rapture,  that  in  order  to 
enjoy  Him  the  more  completely,  she  loses  this  beautiful 

spectacle. 

Here  it  serves  to  little  purpose,  either  to  will  or  not  to 
will  anything ;  and  it  is  clearly  seen,  that  our  Lord  desires 
nothing  but  our  humility  and  confusion,  and  willingness  to 
take  whatever  is  given  us,  and  to  praise  Him  who  gives  it. 
This  holds  good  in  all  true  visions,  without  exception,  viz., 
that  one  can  do  nothing  at  all,  either  for  seeing  more  or  less, 
and  that  all  our  diligence  is  neither  able  to  do  nor  undo 
anything,  because  our  Lord  wishes  us  to  see  veiy  clearly, 
that  this  is  no  work  of  ours,  but  belongs  to  His  Majesty ; 
and  hence  we  are  so  far  from  being  proud  by  such  favors, 
that  they  rather  make  us  more  humble  and  timorous,  con¬ 
sidering  that  as  our  Lord  deprives  us  of  the  power  of  seeing 
what  we  desire,  so  He  can  also  take  all  these  favors  from  us, 
and  His  grace  too,  in  such  a  manner  that  wTe  may  come  to  be 
utterly  lost :  we  must,  therefore,  always  walk  in  fear,  as  long 

as  we  live  in  this  land  of  exile. 

Our  Lord  has  almost  always  represented  Himself  to  me 
as  risen  again,  and  the  same  in  the  Sacred  Host :  except 
that  sometimes,  in  order  to  strengthen  me  when  I  am  in 
tribulation,  He  showed  me  His  wounds,  as  He  was  on  the 
cross,  or  in  the  garden  ;  and  a  few  times  He  appeared  with 
His  crown  of  thorns,  and  at  other  times  carrying  His  cross  : 
these  happened,  as  I  have  said,  only  when  I  was  in  some 
trouble  either  of  my  own  or  from  some  other  persons .  but 
our  Lord  always  appeared  in  His  glorified  flesh.  By  men- 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


(f 

\ 

259 

tioning  these  things  I  have  suffered  many  affronts  and 
vexations,  and  great  persecutions  and  fears.  People  were 
'even  so  certain  that  I  was  under  the  influence  of  the  devil, 
that  some  persons  fished  me  to  be  exorcised.  This,  how¬ 
ever,  gave  me  very  little  trouble ;  but  wh^t  I  felt  the  most 
was,  to  see  my  confessors  afraid  of  hearing  my  confession, 
or  when  I  came  to  know  that  tales  were  told  to  them  about 
me.  Still,  on  the  whole,  I  know  not  how  to  be  sorry  for 
having  seen  these  heavenly  visions ;  nor  would  I  exchange 
any  one  of  them  for  all  the  goods  and  pleasures  of  the  world, 
for  I  always  considered  these  “  visions  ”  to  be  great  favors 
from  our  Lord,  and  I  esteem  them  as  most  precious  treasures, 
and  our  Lord  himself  has  often  assured  me  of  this.  I  also 
observed,  that  thereby  I  began  to  lov&  our  Lord  the  more, 
and  to  Him  I  went  to  complain  of  all  my  troubles,  and 
always  I  came  forth  from  prayer  both  with  comfort  and  with 
new  strength.  As  to  these  persons,  I  did  not  presume  to 
contradict  them,  for  I  saw  it  made  things  worse,  as  they 
seemed  to  think  it  was  want  of  humility  ;  I  consulted  my 
confessor,  and  whenever  he  found  me  afflicted,  he  always  con¬ 
soled  me  greatly. 

As  my  visions  began  to  increase,  one  of  those  who  used 
before  to  assist  me,  and  sometimes  hear  my  confessions 
when  my  ordinary  confessor  was  not  in  the  way,  began  to 
tell  me  I  was  evidently  deluded  by  the  devil.  He  coim 
manded  me  (since  there  was  no  other  means  of  resisting  him), 

“  always  to  be  crossing  and  blessing  myself,  when  I  saw  any 
vision,  and  to  use  some  sign  of  scorn,  because  it  was  certainly 
the  devil,  and  by  this  means  he  would  come  no  more :  and 
that  I  need  not  fear  but  that  God  would  preserve  me,  and 
take  him  away  from  me.”  This  command  was  very  painful 
to  me,  because,  as  I  could  not  help  believing  my  prayer  came 
from  God,  it  was  a  terrible  thing  for  me  to  use  any  act  of 
scorn  ;  neither  could  I  desire  these  things  should  be  taken 
away  from  me  :  still  I  did  all  that  was  commanded  me.  I 
earnestly  besought  our  Lord  to  free  me  from  being  deceived  ; 
and  this  I  did  continually,  and  with  abundance  of  tears  :  I 
also  prayed  to  St.  Peter  and  St.  Paul :  for  as  I  had  the  first 
vision  on  their  festival,  our  Lord  told  me  that  they  would 
take  such  care  of  me  that  I  should  not  be  deceived :  anc^ 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


260 

accordingly  I  have  often  seen  very  clearly,  though  not  by 
the  way  of  any  “  imaginary  ”  vision,  these  two  glorious  saints 

on  my  left  hand,  as  my  good  patrons. 

J5ut  this  making  signs  of  contempt  gave  me  excessive 
trouble,  when  I  saw  this  vision  of  our  Lord.  For  when  i 
saw  Him  present  before  me,  I  could  not  be  induced  to  believe 
it  was  the  devil,  even  though  I  should  have  been  torn  m 
nieces,  and  therefore  it  was  a  severe  kind  of  penance.  But 
in  order  that  I  might  not  be  so  perpetually  blessing  myselt, 

I  took  a  cross  in  my  hands:  and  .this  I  did  almost  always. 
But  I  did  not  use  the  signs  of  scorn  so  often,  for  this  would 
have  afflicted  me  too  much ;  for  I  remembered  the  injuries 
the  Jews  inflicted  on  our  Lord,  and  so  I  besought  Him  to 
pardon  me,  since  I  acted  in  obedience  to  those  whom  he  had 
appointed  in  His  own  place,  and  not  to  blame  me,  since  they 
were  the  ministers  whom  He  had  placed  in  His  Church.  He 
told  me  “  not  to  be  troubled  at  this,  and  that  I  did  well  in 
obeying  them,  and  that  He  would  make  them  understand  the 
truth.”  But  when  they  forbade  me  the  use  of  mental 
prayer,  our  Lord  appeared  angry  at  it,  and  told  me  to  tell 
them  “This  was  tyranny.”  He  also  gave  me  reasons  to 
understand  that  I  was  not  deceived  by  the  devil,  as  I  shall 

relate  afterwards.  .  .  ,  , .  u 

When  once  I  was  holding  the  cross  m  my  hand,  which 

was  at  the  end  of  my  Bosary,  He  took  it  into  His  hand,  ancl 
when  He  returned  it  to  me,  it  consisted  of  four  great  stones, 
incomparably  more  precious  than  diamonds, — for  there  is 
nothing  here  below  that  can  equal  the  supernatural :  a  dia¬ 
mond  is  but  an  imperfect  kind  of  stone  in  comparison  with 
those  precious  stones  seen  here.  They  had  on  them  the  hve 
wounds  in  a  most  curious  manner.  And  our  Lord  told  me 
I  should  see  Him  just  in  that  way  henceforth,  and  so  I  did . 
and  now  I  no  longer  saw  the  matter  of  which  the  cross  was 
made,  but  only  these  precious  stones ;  no  one  saw  them  so 

but  myself.  ,  ,  .  .  ,  ,  .  . 

When  I  was  commanded  to  make  these  trials,  and  to  resist 

the  favors,  they  increased  much  more  5  and  though  I  should 
wish  to  turn  my  attention  to  something  else,  yet  1  never 
omitted  prayer  :  nay,  it  seems  that  I  was  in  prayer  even 
while  I  was  asleep,  for  here  the  love  of  our  Lord  was  much 


\ 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


261 


increased,  and  I  would  then  be  uttering  amorous  complaints 
to  Him ;  nor  was  it  in  my  power,  though  I  had  desired  it, 
and  least  of  all  when  I  endeavored,  to  leave  off  thinking  of 
Him  :  still  I  obeyed  as  well  as  I  could,  though  I  was  able  to 
do  little  or  nothing  therein.  Our  Lord  never  freed  me  from 
obeying  them  5  but  though  He  commanded  me  to  do  as  they 
bade  me,  He  gave  me  confidence  on  the  other  side,  and  taught 
me  what  I  should  say  to  them  :  and  this  He  does  now,  giving 
me  such  convincing  reasons  as  to  make  me  wholly  secure. 

Not  long  after  this,  His  Majesty  began  to  perform  what 
He  had  been  pleased  to  promise  me  before, — to  assure  me 
more  strongly  that  it  was  He  ;  for  there  grew  in  me  so  great 
a  love  for  God,  that  I  knew  not  who  infused  it  into  me,  for 
it  was  of  a  very  supernatural  kind  ;  nor  did  I  procure  it. 

I  found  myself  dying  through  a  desire  of  seeing  God,  and  I 
knew  not  how  or  where  to  seek  or  find  this  life,  but  by  the 
way  of  death.  There  came  upon  me  such  great  impetuosities 
of  this  love,  that  I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  myself,  though 
they  were  not  so  insupportable,  nor  of  such  value  as  those  I 
have -mentioned  in  another  place  ;  for  nothing  could  satisfy 
me,  nor  was  I  able  to  contain  myself,  but  rather  it  seemed  as 
if  my  soul  were  really  torn  from  my  body.  0  admirable 
artifice  of  our  Lord  !  What  delicate  industry  dost  Thou  use 
with  this  miserable  slave  of  Thine !  Thou  didst  hide  Thyself 
from  me,  and  yet  even  then  Thou  didst  press  upon  me  by  Thy 
love,  bringing  on  me  such  a  sweet  kind  of  death,  as  the  soul 
would  never  wish  to  be  free  from.  Whoever  has  not  ex¬ 
perienced  these  great  impetuosities  cannot  understand  them  3 
for  this  is  not  a  kind  of  restlessness  of  the  breast,  nor  like 
certain  devotions  which  sometimes  are  wont  to  choke  the  soul, 
so  that  she  can  hardly  contain  herself.  This  is  a  more  inferior 
kind  of  prayer,  and  therein  we  must  endeavor  to  remove 
these  impetuosities,  by  striving  with  sweetness  to  make  them 
recollected  within  themselves,  so  as  to  calm  the  soul.  It  is 
something  like  when  little  children  cry  so  much  as  to  seem 
to  be  choking,  and  when  they  have  something  to  drink,  then 
their  excessive  weeping  ceases.  And  so  in  this  case  also, 
reason  should  take  the  bridle  in  the  hand  5  for  perhaps  the 
very  natural  constitution  of  the  person  himself  may  be  the 
fhing,  which  hi  some  degree' contributes  to  this  state  of  mind, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


2  G2 

And  therefore  let  consideration  be  used,  for  fear  lest  all 
should  not  be  perfect,  and  the  greater  part  might  prove  o 
nave  something  sensual  in  it.  And  let  this  child  be  still 
by  some  caress  of  love,  which  may  induce  the  soul  to  love 
by  a  gentle  and  sweet  kind  of  way,  and  not  by  blows,  as 
the  savin  o’  is.  This  love  should  be  kept  recollected  within, 

and  not  be  like  a  pot  which  is  suffered  to  boil  over,  because 
wood  is  piled  on  the  fire  without  discretion.  They  should 
rather  slake  and  appease  the  flame  which  is  fed  by  that 
vehement  fire  with  sweet  and  gentle  tears,  but  not  with  such 
as  are  forced  or  painful,  as  they  are  wont  to  be  which  proceed 
from  those  sentiments  I  spoke  of  before,  and  which  do  much 
harm.  Such  I  myself  had  in  the  beginning ;  and  they  always 
left  my  head  so  disordered,  and  my  soul  so  weaned,  ttia  . 
sometimes  I  was  not  able  for  several  days  to  return  to  the 
exercise  of  prayer.  We  should  therefore  use  great  discretion 
at  the  beginning,  in  order  that  everything  may  go  on  with 
sweetness,  and  the  soul  may  be  taught  the  way  of  exercising 
herself  interiorly  ;  we  must  also  endeavor  as  much  as  we  can 

that  the  exterior  may  be  avoided. 

Those  other  impetuosities  and  impulses  are  ot  a  very 
different  kind,  for  here  it  is  not  we  who  lay  the  wood,  but 
the  fire  seems  to  be  made  quite  ready  to  our  hands,  and  we 
are  instantly  ready  to  cast  ourselves  into  it,  that  so  we  may 
be  consumed.  The  soul  does  not  endeavor  to  make  lierselt 
feel  the  wound  which  is  made  in  her  by  the  absence  of  our 
Lord  but  they  sometimes  drive  an  arrow  into  the  very  in¬ 
most  part  of  the  heart,  so  that  the  soul  knows  not  what  is 
the  matter  nor  what  she  desires,  though  she  understands  very 
well  that  she  desires  and  loves  God ;  and  that  this  same 
arrow  seems  to  be  touched  and  rubbed  over  with  some  herb, 
to  make  her  abhor  herself  for  the  love  of  this  Lord  ;  she 
would  willingly  lose  her  life  for  His  sake.  It  is  not  m  our 
power  to  express  or  relate  the  manner  whereby  God  ap¬ 
proaches  such  a  soul,  or  the  excessive  pain  it  causes,  which 
makes  her  not  know  what  to  do  with  herself;  but  yet  this 
pain  is  so  sweet,  that  there  is  nothing  in  this  life  which  can 
give  her  so  much  delight.  As  I  have  said,  the  soul  would 
be  glad  to  be  always  dying  of  this  disease. 

This  pain  and  joy  together  did  so  distract  me,  that  I  kmjw 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


263 


not  how  they  both  could  possibly  subsist !  Oh !  what  a 
thing  it  is  to  see  a  soul  so  wounded  !  It  is  just  in  such  a 
way  that  we  may  well  say  she  is  {(  wounded,”  and  this  for  a 
very  excellent  reason,  for  she  sees  very  clearly  that  she  her¬ 
self  did  contribute  nothing  whereby  this  love  could  come,  but 
only  that  it  seems  some  spark  suddenly  falls  down  upon  her, 
from  that  immense  love  our  Lord  has  for  her,  which  sets  her 
all  on  fire  !  Oh  !  how  often,  when  I  am  in  this  state,  do  I 
remember  these  words  of  David :  “  As  the  hart  panteth  after 
the  fountains  of  water,  so  my  soul  panteth  after  thee,  my 
God.”  (Psalm  xli.)  Methinks  that  then  these  words  are 
literally  fulfilled  in  me.  Whenever  this  feeling  does  not 
come  on  me  violently,  it  seems  to  me  that  I  can  appease  it  a 
little,  at  least  the  soul  endeavors  to  find  some  remedy  (for  she 
knows  not  what  to  do),  by  the  performance  of  certain  penances  ; 
but  they  are  felt  by  her  no  more,  nor  does  it  put  her  to  any 
more  pain  to  shed  her  blood,  than  if  the  body  were  dead. 
She  seeks  modes  and  ways  to  do  something,  whereby  she  may 
suffer  for  the  love  of  God  ;  but  so  great  is  her  former  grief 
which  she  feels,  that  I  know  not  of  any  corporal  torment 
which  can  remove  it ;  for  the  remedy  thereof  does  not  con¬ 
sist  in  any  such  things,  since  these  medicines  are  too  mean 
for  so  spiritual  a  malady.  The  soul,  indeed,  finds  some  little 
ease  by  these  means,  and  by  begging  the  remedy  of  her 
misery  at  the  hands  of  God,  though  none  she  sees,  but  death  ; 
for  by  this  she  hopes  entirely  to  enjoy  her  sovereign  good. 
At  other  times,  this  pain  afflicts  the  soul  so  severely,  that 
neither  this  nor  anything  else  can  be  done,  for  it  pierces  the 
body  through  and  through,  and  she  can  stir  neither  her  feet 
nor  hands  ;  nay,  even  if  she  were  standing,  she  feels  like  one 
transported,  for  she  cannot  so  much  as  breathe  :  she  utters 
only  sighs,  not  great  in  outward  appearance,  because  she 
cannot  express  them,  but  they  are  deep  interiorly. 

Our  Lord  was  pleased  that  I  should  sometimes  have  the 
following  vision :  I  saw  an  angel  very  near  me,  on  my  left 
side,  in  a  corporeal  form,  which  is  not  usual  with  me  ;  for 
though  angels  are  often  represented  to  me,  yet  it  is  without 
my  seeing  them,  except  by  that  kind  of  vision  of  which  I 
have  already  spoken.  But  in  this  vision,  our  Lord  was 
pleased  I  should  see  the  angel  in  this  form.  He  was  not 


264 


LIFE  OF  ST. 


TERESA. 


S,r; . .  -,  w,  i  ~  inj“E„r;  c 

ssxzxr?. rj&m-.  &  tr. 

several  times,  ana  in  *  seemed  as  if  my 

very  bowels  ;  and  when  e  1 r  ine(j  Wholly  inflamed  with 
bowels  came  with  it,  and  thereof  was  s0  intense,  that 

a  great  love  of  God.  In  p  sweetness  which  this 

it  forced  deep  groans  fr°m  ’  gQ  excessive,  that  there  was 
extreme  pain  caused  in  ni  the  goui  then  content 

no  desiring  to  he  free  froi  ,  .g  not  a  corporal  hut  a 

with  anything  less  ,  *  J^y  does  not  fail  to  participate  a 

n“  r  -  “  f-s  ‘”'1  ■*  “.riSK^ 

not  tell  the  truth.  .  t  weilt  up  and  down 

During  the  time  ^"^“^Llnor  t5  speak,  but 
like  one  transported  ,  1  *  greater  happi- 

only  to  be  consumed  b>- my  ^  , 

r  steTcontinuedJome  time  ^n  our ^ord  pj-ed 

I  should  fall  mto  -eb  great^aptures,  that  L,  .  and 

resist  them,  even  in  th  1  •  rmhlic  But,  from 

so,  to  my  great  grief,  tbe^f ^tureg  j  have  not  felt  this 
the  time  I  began  to  have  tb^  ^  ’poke  tefore,  though 

CS ‘to  m*nd  the 

is  different  in  many  respects,  and  me >  ■ 

then,  it  seems,  as  if  our  Lord  forcibly  carnes^ay,  ^  ^ 

and  puts  her  in  ,a“  nk^ent  comes  immediately. 

Mg  He  he' blessed  forever,  who  bestows  such  high  favors 
K  who  corresponds  so  little  with  such  great  benefits, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


265 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

V 

SHE  RESUMES  THE  HISTORY  OP  HER  LIFE,  AND  MENTIONS  HOW 
OUR  LORD  REMEDIED  MANY  OF  HER  TROUBLES  BY  MEANS  OF  • 
PETER  OF  ALCANTARA,  ETC. 

When  I  observed  the  little  or  nothing  I  was  able  to  effect 
towards  resisting  these  great  impetuosities,  I  began  to  tear 
my  having  them  ;  for  I  could  not  understand  how  it  was  pos¬ 
sible  that  pain  and  joy  could  be  united  ;  that  corporal  pain 
and  spiritual  joy  were  compatible,  T  knew  very  well;  bu 
that  so  excessive  a  spiritual  pain  should  be  compatible  with 
so  extraordinary  a  spiritual  joy,  did  quite  astonish  me  Still 
I  did  not  omit  resisting  it,  though  yet  I  had  such  little 
power  in  this  respect,  that  I  sometimes  grew  weary.  1 
armed  myself  with  the  cross,  with  the  desire  of  defending 
myself  from  Him,  who  by  His  death,  defended  and  succored 
us  all.  I  saw  that  no  one  understood  me,  though  I  dared 
not  say  so  to  any  one  but  my  confessor,  for  then  people 
would  have  had  some  reason  to  say  that  I  had  no  humility. 

Our  Lord  was  pleased  to  remedy  a  great  par1 t  of  my  1 trouble, 
and  for  that  time  all  of  it,  by  bringing  to  Avila  that  blessed 
man,  Father  Peter  of  Alcantara,  of  whom  I  have  already 
made  mention,  and  said  something  of  his  austerities  :  among 
other  things  I  was  assured,  that  for  twenty  years  he  contin¬ 
ually  wore  a  garment  of  iron  plate,  in  the  form  of  a  hair¬ 
cloth.  He  is  the  author  of  certain  little  books  of  prayer  m 
Spanish,  which  are  now  much  used ;  for  ap  he  was  well  versed 
in  prayer,  he  wrote  very  profitably  on  it,  and  gave  excel¬ 
lent  rules  to  those  who  practiced  it.  He  observed  the  firs 
rule  of  St.  Francis  in  all  its  rigor,  and  did  other  things 
which  I  have  mentioned  before.  When,  then,  a  certain 
widow  lady  who  was  a  great  servant  of  God,  and  a  particular 
friend  of  mine,  came  to  know  that  so  great  a  man  was  there, 
and  as  she  was  also  aware  of  my  troubles  (for  she  was  wit¬ 
ness  of  my  afflictions,  and  had  comforted  me  on  several  occa¬ 
sions,  because  her  faith  was  so  great,  that  she  could  not  he  p 
believing  I  was  directed  by  the  spirit  of  God,  though  all 
others  thought  I  was  deceived  by  the  devil :  she  had  like- 

23 


2GG 


LIFE 


OF  ST.  TERESA. 


wise,  a  very  good  « 

her  word,,  ami  knew  1.  J  ^  prayer,  and  to 

Lord  was  pleased  to  sn  b  f  which  they  who  were 

give  her  a  knowledge  of  those  tin  g  »  ^  leave  tQ  treat 

learned  were  ignorant),  my  con  e  derstood  them  in  many 
with  her  on  some  matters,  for  ske  unae  ^  yery 

ways,  and  sometimes  she  pr3elfe^0yePllie  tngetber  with 

fa\mrs  which  our  Lord  had  bestowed  oponme^g^  ^ 
having  received  cerf am  ms  ^  saying  anything 

were  very  ProfiP'  f  Provincial  that  I  might  remain 

to  me,  she  got  lea%  o  trom  y  ^  be  able  the  better  to 

in  her  house  for  eight  i  y->  there  and  in  several 

consult  this  holy  man  ,  an  •  >  grst  occasion  of  his 

churches  I  spoke  t^^rwards’l  corresponded  with  him  on 

coming  to  Aula,  ivea  him  a  short  account  of  my 

many  occasions.  “  gwith  the  greatest  possible  clear- 

life  and  manner  of  pi  y  ?  .  thnt  he  understood  me 

ness,  I  found  almost  at  the  very  fir  that  he  urn  ^ 

*  tulTtl  sowell  under¬ 

stand”  those  things,  at  least  s0  t  “ re^iTtruth  and  sin- 

hah  aU™rth"f  "whomTcommitted  the  care  of  my  soul : 
centy  with  those  l°  ™  them  even  the  first  motions 

1  also  wished  to  make  too  ^  which  might,  m 

of  my  heart  and,  as  a  j  wa9  wont  to  discuss 

any  way  be  doubtful  o  ■  ^ P  reasons  hence  I  laid  open 
them  against  myself  wi  .  dunlicitv  Since  that  time, 

— 1  ■? 

r.,;i »»«■*“  j.  x  K‘S- 

““Si.  .".«i  r,u..r  8... 

not  by  any  means  understand  what^tlO;^^at.on  _  ^  j 

tziuZ  £  rs”- ,<  m.  a  *f~  f  a:s 

L,r.XvtA'hr.l"iii.ip  k  •’*. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


267 


seemed  to  me  to  be  of  any  value  ;  and  of  these  I  had  received 
none  at  all.  But  this  holy  man  enlightened  me  m  every¬ 
thing,  and  explained  all  things  to  me,  and  bade  me  not  to 
be  troubled,  but  to  bless  God,  and  be  assured  I  was  directed 
by  His  Spirit :  and  that,  though  it  was  no  article  of  faith, 
Vet  nothing  could  be  more  certainly  true,  nor  which  I  might 
more  firmly  believe.  He  seemed  to  feel  much  comfort  in 
beino-  with  me*  and  he  showed  me  every  courtesy  and  kind¬ 
ness?  and  ever  afterwards  took  great  care  of  meJ  a»d  c0111' 
municated  his  affairs  to  me.  Finding,  also,  that  I  had  the 
same  desires  which  he  had  already  put  into  execution,  anc 
that  I  was  likewise  full  of  courage  (for  our  Lord  had  given 
me  great  resolution),  he  took  particular  pleasure  m  speaking 
with  me.  Whenever  our  Lord  brings  any  one  to  this  state, 
there  is  no  pleasure  or  comfort  which  can  be  equal  to  meet- 
in  «•  with  such  another  person,  to  whom  our  Lord  has  given 
some  beginnings  of  this  same  disposition  ;  for  then  I  had  not 
mnr‘V>  mnrfi  than  a  beffinnin2\  by  what  I  can  remember  ;  and 


We  agreed  that  1  should  se 
the  success  I  might  meet  wit! 
frequently  to  recommend  one 


another  to  God ;  for  so  .deep 


268 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


was  bis  humility,  that  he  valued  a  little  the  prayers  of  this 
miserable  creature,  and  this  gave  me  great  confusion.  He 
left  me  in  possession  of  very  great  comfort  and  joy,  and  told 
me  to  continue  my  prayer  in  security,  and  to  make  no  doubt 
that  ft  came  from  God  ;  but  that  whenever  I  was  in  any 
doubt,  I  should,  for  my  own  greater  security,  mention  what¬ 
ever  happened  to  my  confessor,  and  that  then  I  might  con¬ 
sider  myself  safe.  But,  notwithstanding  all  this,  I  could 
not  rest  so  entirely  secure,  because  our  Lord  was  still  pleased 
to  conduct  me  by  the  way  of  fear,  so  that  I  was  inclined  to 
believe  my  prayer  came  from  the  devil,  when  people  told  me 
that  it  was  so  ;  and  thus  no  one  was  able  to  give  me  either 
so  much  fear  or  so  much  security,  as  to  make  me  give  more 
credit  to  either  of  them,  than  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  infuse 
into  my  soul.  Hence,  though  this  holy  man  both  helped 
and  consoled  me,  yet  I  did  not  believe  him  so  entirely,  as  to 
bo  without  any  fear  at  all,  especially  when  our  Lord  some¬ 
times,  left  me  in  troubles  of  mind,  as  I  shall  now  relate  ;  but 
as  I  was  saying,  I  nevertheless  enjoyed  much  comfort. 

I  could  not  then  satisfy  myself  with  giving  thanks  to  God, 
and  to  my  glorious  Father  St.  Joseph,  who,  I  thought,  had 
brought  the  good  Father  to  Avila ;  for  he  was  commissary- 
general  of  the  convent  of  St.  Joseph,  to  whom  I  used  fre¬ 
quently  to  recommend  myself,  as  also  to  our  Blessed  Lady. 
It  sometimes  happened  to  me  (and  so  it  does  still,  though 
not  so  often),  to  find  myself  in  such  excessive  troubles  of 
mind,  joined  with  such  violent  pains  and  torments  of  the 
body,  that  I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  myself.  At  other 
times,  I  have  been  subject  to  corporal  miseries,  yet  more 
grievous,  but  as  I  had  not  then  such  sorrows  of  mind,  I 
endured  them  with  great  joy ;  but  when  they  came  both  to¬ 
gether,  the  affliction  was  so  great  that  it  pained  me  ex¬ 
ceedingly. 

I  then  forgot  all  the  favors  our  Lord  had  bestowed  upon 
me :  there  only  remained  such  a  remembrance  of  them,  as 
of  something  I  had  dreamt ;  and  this  only  served  to  give 
me  so  much  more  pain,  for  the  understanding  becomes  dull 
to  such  a  degree,  that  it  made  me  fall  into  a  thousand 
doubts  and  suspicions,  thinking  that  I  had  not  understood 
matters  well  before,  and  that,  perhaps,  I  had  followed  fancies 


269 


Life  of  st.  teresa. 

instead  of  truths,  and  that  it  was  enough  to  he  deceived  ray- 
self,  without  trying  to  deceive  so  many  good  men.  I  also 
seemed  to  myse'lf  to  be  so  very  wicked,  that  methought  all 
the  evils  and  heresies  which  had  lately  sprung  up  were 
owing  to  my  sins.  This  was  a  false  kind  of  humility,  which 
the  devil  invented  to  disquiet  me,  and  to  try  if  he  could 
bring  my  soul  into  despair  •  and  I  know  so  well  by  experi¬ 
ence  that  this  is  the  work  of  the  devil,  that  now,  as  he  finds 
I  understand  him,  he  does  not  so  often  torment  me  in  this 
way,  as  he  was  accustomed  to  do. 

This  temptation  is  easily  discovered,  by  the  restlessness 
and  disquiet  with  which  it  begins,  and  by  the  tumult  which 
it  causes  in  the  soul  all  the  time  it  lasts ;  likewise,  by  the 
obscurity  and  trouble  which  it  produces,  and  by  a  dryness 
and  indisposition  to  prayer,  or  to  any  good  at  all ;  for  it 
seems  both  to  stifle  the  soul  and  to  bind  up  the  body,  so 
that  it  is  fit  for  nothing.  But  true  humility  (though  the 
soul  knows  herself  to  be  wicked,  and  is  grieved  in  consid¬ 
ering  what  we  are,  and  exaggerates,  her  wickedness  as  greatly 
as  I  have  already  mentioned,  and  through  these  her  sins  are 
felt  to  be  such)— comes  not  with  any  disorder,  nor  does  it 
disturb  the  soul,  or  overcloud  her,  or  cause  in  her  any 
aridity  ;  but  rather  comforts  her,  and  proceeds  in  a  quite 
contrary  way,  with  gentleness,  sweetness,  and  delight ;  for, 
though  she  is  troubled  on  one  hand,  yet  she  is  comforted  on 
the  other,  to  see  what  a  great  favor  our  Lord  bestows  upon 
her,  in  allowing  her  to  feel  that  pain,  and  in  considering  how 
well  employed  it  is.  She  grieves,  indeed,  for  having  offended 
God,  but  then,  on  the  other  hand,  his  mercy  cheers  her  up, 
and  she  has  light  to  be  confounded  at  herself,  and  to  praise 
His  Majesty  for  having  borne  with  her  so  long.  But  in  that 
other  humility  which  the  devil  suggests,  there  is  no  light  tor 
anything  that  is  good,  but  it  seems  to  the  soul  as  if  God 
were  ready  to  put  every  one  to  fire  and  the  sword.  He  re¬ 
presents  the  divine  justice  to  her,  and  though  she  has  faith 
in  God’s  mercy,  because  the  devil  has  no  power  to  destroy 
that,  yet,  she  believes  in  such  a  manner,  that  her  faith  gives 
her  no  comfort ;  but  rather  when  she  considers  God’s  great 
mercy,  the  tempter  makes  this  serve  for  her  greater  torment, 
28* 


270 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA; 

because  she  thinks  she  ought  to  have  served  God  so  much 
the  more. 

This  is  a  stratagem  of  the  devil,  and  one  of  the  most 
painful,  the  most  subtle,  and  disguised  that  I  have  ever 
known,  and  therefore  I  wish  your  Reverence  (lest,  perhaps, 
he  might  endeavor  to  tempt  you  in  this  way)  to  gain  some 
light,  and  to  know  him  well,  if  he  leave  you  understanding 
enough  to  do  so ;  but  do  not  fancy  that  knowledge  and 
learning  will  be  sufficient  for  this  purpose;  for,  though  I 
want  all  this,  yet,  now  as  I  have  e^aped  from  him,  I  clearly 
see  that  what  he  says  is  foolery  and  madness.  I  am  sensible 
that  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  permit  this  temptation,  and 
allow  him  leave  to  act  thus,  just  as  he  tempted  Job ;  though, 
as  I  am  so  wicked  a  creature,  He  does  not  suffer  the  enemy 
to  tempt  me  with  so  much  fierceness. 

It  happened  to  me  once,  and  I  remember  it  was  on  the 
day  preceding  the  Eve  of  Corpus  Christi,  a  festival  to  which 
I  am  much  devoted,  though  not  so  much  as  I  ought  to  be ; 
at  that  time  this  following  event  lasted  but  one  day,  but  at 
other  times  it  lasted  for  a  week  or  a  fortnight,  and  sometimes 
for  three  weeks  or  more,  especially  during  Holy  Week,  which 
used  to  be  my  delight,  in  point  of  prayer.  Methinks  on 
these  occasions,  our  Lord  surprises  my  understanding  in  an 
instant  with  certain  things,  sometimes  so  very  trivial,  that 
at  other  times  I  would  only  have  laughed  ai  them,  and 
He  makes  it  stoop  to  whatever  He  pleases,  so  that  the  soul 
remains  chained  to  it,  without  being  mistress  of  herself,  or 
being  able  to  think  of  anything,  except  those  impertinencies 
which  the  temptation  represents,  and  which  have  no  substance 
at  all,  but  serve  only  to  choke  the  soul  in  such  a  manner,  as 
not  to  allow  her  to  be  mistress  of  herself ,  hence  I  sometimes 
have  thought,  that  the  devil  goes  playing  with  a  soul,  as  men 
would  do  with  a  ball,  and  she  in  the  mean  time  has  no  means 
of  delivering  herself  from  their  power.  It  cannot  be  ex¬ 
pressed  how  much  she  suffers  in  this  case  :  and  though  she 
goes  and  seeks  for  some  remedy,  God  permits  her  not  to 
find  any.  She  only  retains, — and  this  she  always  does, — the 
power  of  her  free  will,  though  it  is  not  clear,  but  like  a  man 
who  has  his  eyes  shut.  And  just  as  a  person  who  has  fre¬ 
quently  gone  along  the  same  way,  who,  though  it  were  by 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


271 


night  in  the  dark,  yet  knows  where  he  may  he  in  danger  of 
stumbling,  because  he  had  noticed  the  same  path  in  the  day- 
time,  and  thus  he  walks  free  from  that  danger ;  so  it  hap¬ 
pens  to  the  soul,  which  now  seems,  merely  through  custom, 
not  to  offend  God  :  I  speak  not  here  of  that  protection  our 
Lord  gives  her,  which,  however,  is  of  the  greatest  import¬ 
ance.  , 

Her  faith  then  becomes  dead,  or,  at  least  asleep ;  as  her 

other  virtues  also  are,  though  yet  they  are  not  utterly  lost, 
for  she  believes  what  the  Church  teaches,  and  she  pro¬ 
nounces  it  with  her  mouth  ;  while  on  the  other  side,  the 
devil  so  harasses  and  deadens  this  faith,  that  she  seems  only 
to  have  such  a  knowledge  of  God  as  men  have  of  things 
which  they  hear  at  a  distance.  Her  love,  also,  is  so  luke¬ 
warm,  that  if  she  hears  God  spoken  of,  she  hearkens  m  such 
a  manner  as  to  believe  He  is  what  He  is,  because  the  Chuich 
teaches  the  doctrine,  but  she  has  lost  all  memory  of  what 
she  has  experienced  in  herself.  To  go  and  pray,  or  remain 
in  solitude,  is  only  to  increase  her  affliction,  for  the  torment 
which  she  then  feels  within  herself,  and  yet  without  knowing 
the  cause,  is,  in  my  opinion,  insupportable ;  it  is  a  kind  of 
picture  of  hell,  as  our  Lord  himself  was  once  pleased  to 
make  me  understand,  in  a  vision  He  gave  me.  Here  the  soul 
burns  within  herself,  without  knowing  by  whom,  or  by  what 
means  she  is  set  on  fire,  or  how  to  escape  from  it,  or  how  to 
quench  it ;  for,  as  to  seeking  to  help  herself  by  reading,  it  is 
like  as  if  she  could  not  read.  I  happened  one  day  to  read 
the  life  of  a  saint,  to  see  if  I  could  relish  it,  and  thus  com¬ 
fort  myself  by  the  consideration  of  what  he  suffered;  ac¬ 
cordingly  I  read  half  a  dozen  lines  four  or  five  times  over, 
hut  though  everything  was  written  in  my  own  tongue,  I  un¬ 
derstood  the  account  less  at  the  end  than  I  did  at  the  begin¬ 
ning,  and  so  I  gave  over  reading.  This  happened  to  me  many 

times,  and  I  remember  it  particularly. . 

To  engage  in  conversation  at  that  time  is  much  worse,  for 
the  devil  fills  us  then  with  such  an  unbearable  spirit  of  anger, 
that  it  seems  as  if  I  could  devour  every  one,  without  doing 
anything  more ;  yea,  and  methinks  I  act  well  in  forbearing 
to  do  it;  and  that  God  shows  him  who  is  placed  in  this  cir¬ 
cumstance  a  particular  favor,  by  preserving  him  from  doing 


272 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


or  saying  anything  against  his  neighbor,  whereby  he  might 
prejudice  him  and  offend  God. 

As  to  going  to  my  confessor,  what  I  shall  here  relate  is 
certain,  for  it  has  happened  to  me  very  often,  viz.,  that 
though  they  were  saints  with  whom  I  Jtreated  at  that  time, 
and  do  still  consult,  yet  they  uttered  such  harsh  words,  and 
rebuked  me  with  such  asperity,  that  when  I  afterwards  re¬ 
peated  their  words  they  themselves  would  be  amazed  at 
them  :  and  they  told  me  it  was  not  in  their  power  to  do 
otherwise.  For  though  they  fully  resolved  within  themselves 
not  to  do  it,  and  at  other  times  had  not  only  compassion  on 
me,  but  even  a  kind  of  scruple  to  treat  me  so  severely,  when 
I  was  so  full  of  affliction  both  in  body  and  mind  ;  and  though 
they  had  resolved  to  comfort  me  with  kindness,  yet  they  were 
not  able  to  do  it.  They  did  not,  however,  use  such  ill  lan¬ 
guage  towards  me  as  to  offend  God  thereby,  but  they  would 
use  wTords  as  offensive  as  could  be  heard  from  a  confessor, 
intending  thereby  to  mortify  me ;  and  though  at  other  times 
I  could  have  endured  this  with  joy,  yet  then  it  became  a  tor¬ 
ment  to  me.  Sometimes  I  thought  I  had  deceived  them,  and 
then  I  would  go  to  them,  and  advise  them  in  good  earnest,  to  be 
on  their  guard  against  me,  lest  I  might  deceive  them.  I  knew 
well,  however,  that  I  would  not  wilfully  deceive  them,  nor 
tell  a  lie  ;  but  the  truth  is,  I  was  afraid  of  everything. 
There  was  a  certain  person,  who,  having  heard  of  this  temp¬ 
tation  of  mine,  advised  me  not  to  be  troubled  at  it,  for 
though  I  should  wish  to  deceive  him,  yet  that  he  would  have 
sense  enough  not  to  let  me. 

That  which  often  gave  me  great  comfort,  at  least  most 
frequently,  was,  that  I  used  to  have  some  respite  after  I  had 
communicated,  and  sometimes  in  the  very  instant  of  ap¬ 
proaching  the  Blessed  Sacrament,  I  became  so  perfectly  well, 
both  in  soul  and  body,  that  it  amazed  me  ;  for  it  seemed 
that  all  the  darkness  of  my  soul  was  dispersed  in  a  moment, 
and  that  upon  the  rising  of  this  Sun,  I  immediately  discov¬ 
ered  those  fooleries  wherein  I  was  engaged.  At  other  times, 
by  hearing  only  one  word  which  our  Lord  spoke  to  me  in¬ 
teriorly,  such  as  “  Be  not  afraid,”  or  *“  Be  not  afflicted,”  I 
remained  perfectly  well ;  and  sometimes  also  by  seeing  some 
vision  I  became  as  if  nothing  ailed  me.  I  then  regaled  my- 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


273 


self  with  God,  and  complained  to  Him  ior  permitting  me  to 
suffer  such  great  torments,  though  He  repaid  me  well,  be¬ 
cause  these  afflictions  were  always  followed  with  a  great 
abundance  of  favors.  Methinks  the  soul  here  comes,  like  gold, 
more  pure  and  refined  out  of  the  crucible,  by  seeing  our  Lord 
within  her  ;  and  then  all  those  troubles  are  accounted  little 
which  before  seemed  insupportable,  and  she  desires  to  suffer 
them  again,  if  our  Lord  could  be  served  the  better  by  them, 
and  even  to  endure  still  greater  persecutions  and  tribula¬ 
tions,  provided  they  could  be  endured  without  offending 
God  :  she  rather  rejoices  to  suffer  for  Him,  since  all  tends  to 
her  own  greater  gain,  though  I  never  did  bear  them  as  I 
ought,  but  very  imperfectly.  At  other  times,  troubles  came 
upon  me  in  another  way,  and  this  too  so  suddenly,  that  me¬ 
thinks  I  am  then  deprived  of  the  possibility  of  thinking  any¬ 
thing  good,  or  of  desiring  to  do  it,  for  that  I  have  a  body 
and  a  soul  which  are  utterly  useless  and  burdensome.  But 
at  these  times  I  am  not  subject  to  these  other  temptations 
and  disquiets,  but  only  to  a  disgust  for  all  things,  without 
knowing  why,  so  that  nothing  can  give  content  to  my  soul. 

I  endeavor  on  these  occasions  to  occupy  myself  by  the 
outward  performance  of  some  good  works,  and  these  I  do  as 
it  were  by  force ;  and  I  know  well  how  little  a  soul  can  do 
when  God’s  grace  is  hidden  from  her:  but  this  does  not 
give  me  trouble,  for  it  gives  me  some  satisfaction  to  behold 
my  own  baseness.  At  other  times  I  find  myself  in  such  a 
state  that  I  am  utterly  unable  to  form  any  distinct  idea  of 
God,  nor  indeed  of  any  good  in  a  solid  manner ;  nor  can  I 
then  apply  myself  to  prayer,  though  I  am  alone,  and  am 
sensible  I  know  God.  But  I  find  it  is  my  understanding 
and  imagination  which  injure  me  on  these  occasions,  for  my 
will  I  think  is  good,  and  is  disposed  to  all  good :  but  this 
understanding  of  mine  is  so  entirely  lost,  that  it  seems  to 
me  like  some  mad  fool  whom  no  one  can  bind,  nor  am  1  so 
far  mistress  of  it  as  to  make  it  quiet  even  for  a  few  minutes. 
Sometimes  I  laugh  at  myself,  and  acknowledge  my  misery, 
and  look  at  my  soul  and  allow  her  to  do  what  she  likes  :  but 
thanks  be  to  God,  she  never,  for  a  wonder,  applies  to  what 
is  bad,  but  only  to  things  indifferent,  if  anything  is  to  be 
done  here  or  there  or  anywhere.  And  here  I  know  better 


274 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


the  exceeding  great  mercy  our  Lord  shows  me,  when  he 
holds  this  fool  (the  imagination)  bound  in  perfect  contempla¬ 
tion.  I  consider,  also,  what  would  become  of  me,  if  those 
persons  who  consider  me  to  be  good  were  to  see  me  in  the 
state  I  have  described. 

I  have  great  pity  on  the  soul  to  see  her  in  such  bad  com¬ 
pany.  I  wish  to  see  her  at  liberty,  and  thus  I  speak  to  our 
Lord  :  “  When,  0  my  God  !  shall  I  be  able  to  see  my  soul 
united  in  singing  Thy  praises,  that  so  all  her  powers  may 
enjoy  Thee  ?  Permit  her  not,  0  Lord,  any  more  to  be  torn 
in  pieces,  for  now  it  seems  as  if  every  one  of  them  were 
running  up  and  down  in  different  ways.”  Such  words  I 
often  repeat ;  and  sometimes  I  know  well  that  the  little 
corporal  health  I  have,  contributes  much  to  these  inconve¬ 
niences.  I  also  reflect  much  on  the  injury  which  original 
sin  brought  upon  us ;  for  methinks  it  comes  from  this  that 
we  are  incapable  of  enjoying  so  great  a  good,  and  that  my 
own  sins  likewise  form  a  part  of  this  cause  ;  for  if  I  had  not 
committed  so  many,  I  should  have  remained  more  free  in 
doing  good.  I  also  endured  another  very  great  inconveni¬ 
ence,  for  I  thought  that  I  understood  all  the  books  which 
treat  of  prayer,  and  which  I  read  ;  and  that  as  our  Lord  had 
already  shown  me  such  favors,  I  did  not  stand  in  need  of 
these  books,  but  applied  myself  to  reading  the  lives  of  the 
Saints.  And  finding  how  much  I  fell  short  of  what  they 
had  done  for  God,  this  seemed  to  do  me  good,  and  to  give 
me  strength :  but  yet  I  thought  this  was  a  sign  of  little 
humility,  that  I  should  fancy  I  had  already  arrived  at  that 
degree  of  prayer.  And  as  I  wras  not  able  to  compose  my* 
self,  I  continued  in  great  pain,  till  certain  learned  men,  and 
especially  that  blessed  Father  Peter  of  Alcantara,  declared 
to  me  that  I  was  not  to  be  troubled  thereat.  I  know  well 
that  I  have  not  yet  so  much  as  begun  to  serve  God,  though 
by  His  Majesty  conferring  favors  on  me  is  what  He  does  to 
those  who  are  good  ;  and  yet  I  am  imperfection  itself,  unless 
in  my  desires  to  love  Him  ;  for  in  this  respect  I  see  well 
that  our  Lord  has  favored  me,  in  order  that  I  may  be  able 
to  do  something  to  serve  Him.  I  certainly  think  I  love 
Him  ;  but  my  actions,  and  the  many  imperfections  I  discover 
in  myself,  give  me  great  uneasiness.  At  other  times  my 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  ^75 

soul  falls  into  a  kind  of  foolery :  this  is  the  case  when  I  think 
I  neither  do  good  nor  ill,  but  follow  on  the  track  of  other 
people,  as  the  saying  is  ;  and  this  neither  with  pain,  nor 
with  glory,  nor  with  thought  of  life  or  death,  nor  with  plea¬ 
sure,  nor  with  pain  :  she  even  seems  to  feel  nothing  at  all : 
rather,  she  appears  to  go  on  like  a  little  ass,  which  feeds 
himself  because  they  give  him  something  to  eat ;  and  he 
eats  almost  without  thinking  what  he  is  doing.  And  the 
soul,  when  she  is  in  this  state,  cannot  be  without  feeding  on 
some  great  favors  from  God,  since  she  is  not  troubled  with 
living  in  such  a  miserable  life  as  this,  but  passes  through  it 
with  patience  and  equality  of  mind.  But  these  feelings  and 
effects  are  not  experienced  by  her  in  such  a  way  that  she 
can  understand  herself  by  them. 

It  now  seems  to  me  as  when  men  sail  at  sea  by  the  . 
breath  of  a  very  gentle  wind,  for  then  they  move  along 
without  knowing  how  ;  and  so  in  these  other  cases  the  effects 
are  so  very  great,  that  the  soul  almost  instantly  perceives  her 
own  improvement,  and  her  desires  immediately  rise  up,  and 
never  can  she  satisfy  herself.  They  experience  these  great 
impetuosities  of  love  to  whom  our  Lord  gives  them ;  and  it 
is  like  certain  little  springs  which  I  have  observed  to  rise, 
where  the  sand  never  ceases  to  move  upwards.  This  com¬ 
parison  seems  natural  to  me,  as  applicable  to  souls  who 
have  arrived  at  this  state ;  love  is  ever  boiling  upwards 
and  considering  what  it  can  do  ;  it  cannot  contain  itself,  just 
as  the  water  is  not  able  to  remain  in  the  earth,  but  is  cast 
up  from  it :  and  so  it  is  very  usual  with  the  soul  not' to  be 
at  rest  in  herself,  through  the  love  she  has  for  God,  writh 
which  she  is  so  full  that  she  wishes  all  other  men  would 
drink  of  it  (since  she  herself  has  abundance) ;  that  so  they 
might  assist  her  in  singing  the  praises  of  God.  Oh  !  how 
often  do  I  call  to  mind  that  living  water  of  which  our  Sa¬ 
viour  spoke  to  the  Samaritan  woman  !*  I  am  very  fond  of 
reading  that  part  of  the  Gospel  containing  the  account :  it 
is  very  true  that  I  was  so  even  from  my  childhood,  though  I 
did  not  then  understand  the  benefit  as  1  do  now;  but  I  often 
besought  our  Lord  to  give  me  this  water  to  drink,  and  I  had 

*  The  Saint  speaks  more  at  length  on  this  “ living  water”  in  her 
“Way  of  Perfection,”  already  translated. 


276 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


a  representation  of  it  always  near  me,  with  this  motto  :  “  0 
Lord,  give  me  this  water.”  It  seems  to  me  likewise,  that  as 
a  fire  which  is  very  great  requires  fuel  to  burn,  in  order  not 
to  be  extinguished ;  so  for  these  souls  of  which  I  am  speaking, 
it  is  necessary  that  they  bring  wood,  however  dear  it  may 
cost  them,  in  order  that  this  fire  may  not  go  out.  But  I  am 
such  a  miserable  creature  myself,  that  I  would  be  content  if 
I  had  only  straws  to  cast  in.  And  so  it  often  happens  to  me, 
that  sometimes  I  laugh,  and  at  other  times  I  am  in  great 
affliction.  An  interior  impulse  which  I  have  is  ever  exciting 
me  to  serve  God  in  something  (since  I  am  not  capable  of 
doing  great  things),  such  as  by  gathering  flowers,  and  making 
bouquets,  and  placing  them  around  images  and  pictures,  or 
by  sweeping  a  room,  and  doing  such  like  little 'offices  which 
might  humble  me.  And  so  also  if  I  did  any  penance,  it  was 
all  so  very  little,  and  so  imperfectly  done,  that  unless  our 
Lord  had  been  pleased  to  accept  the  desire  for  the  deed,  I 
saw  clearly  that  I  was  good  for  nothing  ;  and  I  quite  laughed 
at  myself.  Again  :  it  gives  no  small  trouble  to  souls  whom 
God  in  His  goodness  abundantly  fills  with  this  fire  of  His 
love,  if  they  have  no  corporal  strength  to  do  something  for 
Him.  This  is  indeed  a  great  affliction,  because  as  strength 
is  wanting  to  carry  wood  to  this  fire,  it  seems  to  me  that  the 
soul  burns  herself  to  ashes,  or  else  dissolves  into  tears,  and 
so  is  entirely  consumed :  this  is  a  severe  torment,  though 
indeed  it  is  sweet. 

Let  the  soul  who  has  arrived  at  this  state  praise  our  Lord 
exceedingly  ;  and  if  He  have  given  her  corporal  strength  to 
do  penance,  or  learning  and  talents,  and  power  to  preach, 
and  hear  confessions,  and  bring  souls  to  God,  she  knows  not 
nor  understands  the  great  benefit  she  possesses,  unless  she 
feel  what  an  affliction  it  is  always  to  be  receiving  so  much 
from  God,  and  yet  to  be  unable  to  do  anything  for  His  ser¬ 
vice.  May  He  be  blessed  by  all  men,  and  may  the  angels 
give  him  glory  and  honor.  Amen. 

I  know  not  whether  I  do  well  in  writing  about  so  many 
Jittle  things ;  but  since  your  Reverence  has  commanded  me 
»«ot  to  consider  it  any  trouble  to  go  into  details,  and  that  I 
must  be  sure  to  omit  nothing,  I  have  mentioned  everything 
which  I  can  remember  with  clearness  and  with  truth  I 


Life  of  st.  Teresa. 


27 7 


cannot  help,  however,  omitting  many  other  things,  the  recital 
of  which  would  take  much  more  time  (and  you  know  I  have 
but  little  at  my  command,  as  I  have  mentioned  already) ) 
and  when  I  had  related  them,  they  would  perhaps  be  of 
little  benefit  to  you. 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 


SHE  TREATS  OF  CERTAIN  EXTERIOR  TEMPTATIONS  AND  REPRESENTA¬ 
TIONS  OF  THE  DEVIL,  ETC. 

As  I  have  already  spoken  of  some  interior  and  secret 
temptations  which  the  devil  brought  on  me,  so  now  I  wish  to 
speak  of  others  which  were  in  some  manner  public, -and  in 
which  one  could  not  be  ignorant  that  the  evil  spirit  was  the 
agent. 

I  was  once  in  a  certain  oratory,  when  he  appeared  to  me 
on  my  left  side,  in  an  abominable  figure.  I  observed  his 
mouth  in  particular  while  he  spoke  to  me,  and  it  was  most 
terrible ;  for  it  seemed  to  me  that  a  very  great  flame  came 
out  of  his  body.  He  told  me  in  a  terrible  manner,  “  that 
though  I  had  escaped  his  hands,  yet  he  would  bring  me 
back  again.”  I  was  exceedingly  terrified,  but  I  blessed  my¬ 
self  as  well  as  I  could,  and  he  vanished  away  :  but  presently 
he  returned  again :  this  happened  to  me  twice,  and  I  knew 
not  what  to  do.  But  as  I  had  some  “  holy  water 99  near  me, 
I  threw  it  towards  the  place  where  he  was,  and  he  never  re¬ 
turned  more.  Another  time  he  was  for  five  hours  to¬ 
gether  tormenting  me  with  terrible  pains,  joined  with  such 
interior  and  exterior  disquiet,  that  it  seemed  impossible  for 
me  to  endure  it.  The  women  who  were  then  with  me  were 
astonished  to  see  what  passed  ;  but  they  knew  not  what  to  do, 
nor  could  I  help  myself.  My  custom  is,  when  any  corporal 
sickness  or  pain  is  very  intolerable,  to  make  certain  acts  of 
resignation  within  myself,  as  well  as  I  can,  beseeching  our 
Lord  that  His  Majesty  may  be  pleased  to  give  me  patience, 
and  that  I  may  so  suffer,  if  He  please,  even  until  the  end 
of  the  world.  Whenever  then  I  found  myself  suffering  with 
24 


278 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


so  much  pain,  I  helped  myself  by  making  some  such  acts  and 
resolutions,  that  so  I  might  bear  it  the  better.  Our  Lord 
was  pleased  I  should  understand  that  I  was  tempted  by  the 
devil,  for  I  saw  near  me  a  very  horrible  little  negro,  gnash¬ 
ing  his  teeth  like  one  raging  mad,  as  if  he  had  lost  something 
which  he  hoped  to  have  gained.  As  soon  as  I  saw  him,  I 
laughed,  and  showed  no  fear  at  all,  for  there  were  some  per¬ 
sons  near  who  knew  not  what  to  do  with  me  in  this  case,  nor 
what  remedy  to  apply  for  so  great  a  torment ;  for  the  blows 
he  made  me  give  myself  were  very  severe,  and  I  had  no 
power  at  all  to  resist  him ;  and  what  was  still  worse,  I  felt 
so  great  inward  disquiet,  that  I  could  in  no  way  find  any  rest : 
neither  did  I  dare  to  ask  for  “  holy  water,”  lest  I  should 
terrify  those  who  were  present,  or  let  them  know  what  the 
matter  was.  I  have  often  found  by  experience,  that  there  is 
toothing  from  which  the  devils  fly  more  quickly,  and  return 
not  again,  than  from  “  holy  water ;”  they  fly  also  from  a  cross, 
but  return  again  immediately.  Certainly,  the  power  of 
“  holy  water  ”  must  be  great ;  for  my  part,  my  soul  feels  a 
particular  comfort  in  taking  it ;  and  very  generally  a  refresh¬ 
ment  and  interior  delight  which  I  cannot  express,  and  which 
comforts  my  whole  soul.  This  is  no  fancy,  or  a  thing  which 
has  happened  to  me  only  once ;  it  has  happened  very  often, 
and  been  observed  by  me  with  great  attention.  It  seems 
like  as  if  a  person,  who  was  suffering  with  heat  and  thirst, 
should  drink  a  glass  of  cold  water,  which  would  greatly  re¬ 
fresh  him.  I  consider  also,  that  whatever  is  ordained  by  the 
Church  is  of  much  importance ;  and  it  is  a  subject  of  great 
delight  to  me,  that  those  words  which  the  Church  uses  when 
she  blesses  the  water,  should  be  so  powerful  in  making  such  a 
difference  between  blessed  and  unblessed  water.  I  told  those 
who  were  present,  as  my  torment  did  not  cease,  that  if  they 
would  not  laugh  at  me,  I  would  beg  some  “  holy  water”  of 
them.  They  brought  me  some,  and  sprinkled  me  with  it,  but 
it  did  me  no  good :  I  sprinkled  some  myself  in  the  place 
where  the  devil  was,  and  in  an  instant  he  departed,  and  all 
my  pains  went  away  also,  as  if  some  one  had  removed  them 
with  his  hand,  except  that  I  found  myself  as  tired  as  if  I 
had  been  severely  beaten.  I  afterwards  considered,  that  if  the 
devil,  when  our  Lord  permits  him,  is  able  to  do  so  much  mischief 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


279 


to  us  in  body  and  soul,  even  when  we  are  not  his,  what  will  he  do 
to  them  who  shall  fall  entirely  into  his  power !  This  considera¬ 
tion  gave  me  fresh  desires  to  be  free  from  such  ill  company. 

Another  time,  and  that  very  lately,  the  same  thing  hap¬ 
pened  to  me  when  I  was  alone,  though  it  did  not  last  long ; 
then  also  I  drove  the  devil  away  by  u  holy  water.”  Two 
nuns  who  came  into  the  room  after  he  had  departed,  said 
that  they  smelt  a  very  disagreeable  stench,  as  of  brimstone  ; 
and  these  persons  were  well  worthy  of  credit,  for  on  no 
Account  would  they  tell  an  untruth ;  I  myself,  however, 
did  not  smell  anything,  though  I  was  told  that  the  smell 
continued  so  long  that  others  might  have  perceived  it. 
Another  time  I  was  in  the  choir,  when  I  fell  into  a  state  of 
deep  recollection,  and  I  went  away  lest  others  might  perceive 
it ;  but  all  the  nuns  who  were  near,  heard  great  blows  given 
in  the  place  where  I  was  kneeling,  I  also  heard  persons 
talking  near  me,  as  if  they  were  debating  about  some  busi¬ 
ness,  though  I  understood  not  the  conversation,  for  I  wras  so 
fixed  in  prayer  that  I  understood  nothing,  neither  had  I  any 
fear.  This  used  to  happen  almost  every  time  when  our  Lord 
did  me  the  favor  to  confer  a  benefit  on  some  soul  or  other  by 
my  advice.  It  is  certain  that  something  happened  to  me  once, 
which  I  shall  now  relate  ;  and  there  are  many  witnesses  of 
it,  especially  my  present  confessor,  for  he  read  it  in  a  letter 
without  my  telling  him  who  the  person  was  that  wrote  the 
letter,  though  he  knew  well  who  the  individual  was. 

A  certain  person  came  to  me,  who  had  lived  about  two 
years  and  a  half  in  a  most  abominable  mortal  sin  ;  and 
during  all  that  period  he  neither  confessed  it,  nor  reformed 
himself,  but  yet  he  presumed  to  say  mass.  And  though  he 
confessed  his  other  sins,  yet  respecting  that  one  he  used  to 
say  to  himself,  66  How  can  I  ever  confess  so  foul  a  crime!” 
Still  he  was  desirous  of  freeing  himself  from  it,  but  knew 
not  how.  I  took  great  compassion  on  him,  and  was  grieved 
to  see  God  offended  in  such  a  way.  I  promised  him  to  beg 
of  God  to  grant  him  some  remedy,  and  that  I  wTould  prevail 
on  others  also  to  do  the  same,  who  were  much  better  than 
myself.  I  accordingly  wrote  to  a  certain  person  about  him, 
sending  my  letter  by  the  individual  himself:  and  it  so  hap¬ 
pened  that  by  this  first  letter  he  confessed  his  sin  ;  and  thus 


280 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


God  was  pleased,  by  the  prayers  of  these  very  holy  persons 
(I  also,  miserable  sinner  that  I  am,  not  failing  to  beg  this 
favor  the  best  I  could),  to  extend  His  mercy  to  this  soul. 
The  individual  wrote  to  inform  me,  that  he  was  already  so 
far  reformed,  that  some  days  had  passed  in  which  he  had 
not  returned  to  the  sin,  but  that  the  torment  which  the 
temptation  caused  was  so  great,  that  he  considered  himself 
to  be  in  a  kind  of  hell,  and  therefore  that  I  must  still  re¬ 
commend  him  to  God.  Upon  this  I  again  recommended 
him  to  my  sisters,  by  whose  prayers  our  Lord  was  pleased  to 
do  me  the  favor,  for  they  took  the  matter  exceedingly  to 
heart.  No  one  could  guess  who  the  person  was  :  and  I  be¬ 
sought  His  M  ijesty  to  lessen  his  torments  and  temptations, 
and  that  those  devils  might  come  and  torment  me ,  provided 
that  I  might  not  offend  our  Lord  in  anything.  And  it  is 
quite  true  that,  shortly  after  this,  I  endured  most  grievous 
torments  for  a  month  ;  and  these  two  afflictions  which  I  have 
mentioned  happened  at  that  time.  But  our  Lord  was 
pleased,  as  I  have  siuce  learnt,  that  the  devils  should  not 
afflict  that  person  any  more  :  his  soul  was  strengthened  and 
became  quite  free,  so  that  he  could  not  be  satisfied  with 
giving  thanks  to  our  Lord,  and  to  me  also,  as  if  I  had  done 
anything:  the  conviction,  however,  which  he  had,  that  our 
Lord  sometimes  bestowed  favors  on  me,  might  have  been  of 
some  benefit  to  him.  He  used  to  say,  that  whenever  he 
found  himself  greatly  assaulted,  he  was  accustomed  to  read 
my  letters,  and  that  then  the  temptation  immediately  left 
him.  He  was  mijch  amazed  to  lie.ar  what  I  suffered,  and  the 
manner  how  he  himself  came  to  be  free.  May  our  Lord  be 
praised  by  all  men  ;  for  the  prayers  of  those  who  truly 
serve  Him,  as  I  believe  my  sister’s  do  in  this  house,  can  do 
much  :  but  because  I  had  procured  those  prayers,  the  devils 
were  exasperated  against  me,  and  our  Lord  permitted  it  for 
my  sins.  About  this  time  one  night  I  thought  they  would 
have  strangled  me  ;  but  as  soon  as  I  had  a  quantity  of 
“holy  water”  sprinkled  on  me,  I  saw  a  multitude  of  them 
falling,  as  it  were  headlong,  and  running  away  in  despair. 
So  frequently  do  these  cursed  spirits  torment  me,  and  so 
little  is  the  fear  I  now  have  for  them,  seeing  that  they  are 
not  so  much  as  able  to  stir  unless  our  Lord  give  them 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  281 

leave,  that  I  should  weary  your  Reverence  if  I  related 
everything. 

What  I  have  already  said  may  serve  to  show  us,  that  a 
true  servant  of  God  need  give  himself  little  trouble  about 
these  scarecrows  which  the  devils  set  up  in  order  to  make  us 
fear  them  :  let  him  be  assured  that  every  time  they  see  we 
despise  them  they  have  less  strength  against  us,  and  the  soul 
acquires  more  power  over  them.  Some  great  advantage  is 
also  gained,  which  I  will  not  here  relate,  lest  I  should  be 
too  tedious.  But  I  will  only  relate  what  happened  to  me  ax 
night,  on  All  Souls.  Being  in  an  oratory,  and  having  re¬ 
cited  matins,  and  also  those  other  devout  prayers  which  are 
z  at  the  end  of  them  in  our  Breviary,  the  devil  put  himself 
on  the  book,  that  I  might  not  finish  the  prayer  :  but  I  blessed 
myself,  and  then  he  went  away.  I  began  again,  and  he 
returned  again  ;  and  I  think  the  like  happened  three  times  : 
and  until  I  had  thrown  some  “  holy  water”  at  him,  I  could 
not  succeed  in  driving  him  away.  I  saw  that  some  souls 
were  freed  from  Purgatory  at  the  moment,  and  that  little  was 
wanting  for  their  deliverance  ;  and  I  thought  that  the  devil 
wished  to  raise  some  obstacle.  It  is  seldom  that  I  have  seen 
the  devil  in  any  particular  form,  but  many  times  I  have  seen 
him  without  form,  as  I  did  a  vision  ;  for  as  I  have  mentioned, 
one  sees  very  clearly  that  he  is  there  without  form :  this  I 
wish  to  relate,  because  I  was  greatly  astonished  thereat. 

Being  one  day  in  a  certain  monastery,  and  in  the  choir, 
upon  Trinity  Sunday,  I  was  in  a  rapture,  and  saw  a  great 
contention  of  devils  against  angels.  I  knew  not  at  the  time 
what  this  vision  meant;  but  before  a  fortnight  I  understood 
the  contention,  by  a  great  disagreement  which  happened 
between  some  persons  who  were  given  to  prayer  and  many 
others  who  were  not  so  :  and  there  came  a  great  deal  of  harm 
to  the  house  on  account  of  this  contention,  which  continued 
long,  and  caused  much  confusion.  At  another  time  p  saw  a 
multitude  round  about  me  ;  but  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  was 
encompassed  with  a  great  light,  which  did  not  allow  them  to 
approach  me.  I  understood  by  this,  that  our  Lord  kept 
them  from  coming  near  me,  in  such  a  way  that  they  might 
not  make  me  offend  God.  By  what  I  had  sometimes  found 
in  mvself,  I  understood  it  was  a  true  vision  ;  the  fact  is,  that 
24* 


282 


LIFE  OF  ST. TERESA. 


now  I  know  well  what  little  power  they  have  whenever  I  go 
not  against  God,  that  I  do  not  fear  them  at  all  ;  for  their 
strength  is  a  mere  nothing,  unless  they  find  the  souls  whom 
they  attack  to  be  cowardly,  and  that  they  yield  to  them ; 
then ,  indeed,  they  show  their  power.  Sometimes  in  the 
temptations  I  have  already  mentioned,  it  seems  that  all  the 
vanities  and  weaknesses  of  my  former  life  revive  within  me, 
so  that  I  have  need  to  recommend  myself  frequently  to  God  ; 
then  I  was  presently  tormented  with  the  apprehension  that  all 
came  from  the  devil,  till  at  last  my  confessor  comforted  me; 
for  then  it  seemed  to  me,  that  even  the  first  motion  of  an  evil 
thought  ought  not  to  be  entertained  by  one  who  had  received 
such  great  favors  from  our  Lord.  At  other  times  I  am  tor¬ 
mented  to  see  myself  so  much  esteemed,  and  especially  now 
that  eminent  persons  should  esteem  me  so  much,  and  speak 
such  good  things  of  me.  In  this  I  have  suffered  and  still 
suffer  much  ;  and  presently  I  consider  the  life  of  Christ  and 
of  the  saints,  and  methinks  I  walk  in  a  way  very  contrary  to 
theirs,  because  they  endured  nothing  but  contempt  and  in¬ 
juries.  This  consideration  makes  me  so  fearful,  that  I  can 
scarcely  dare  to  raise  up  my  head,  and  would  be  glad  not  to 
be  seen  :  this  does  not  happen  to  me  when  I  am  suffering 
persecution,  however  much  I  may  be  afflicted  in  body  or  mind  ; 
for  then  my  soul  seems  to  be  mistress  in  such  a  "way  that  I 
know  not  how  it  can  be,  but  still  she  then  seems  to  be  in  her 
kingdom,  and  to  tread  all  things  under  her  feet. .  This  hap¬ 
pened  sometimes,  and  lasted  many  days  ;  and  it  appeared 
to  me  to  be  virtue  and  humility,  but  now  I  am  sensible  it  was 
a  temptation  ;  and  a  Dominican  Father,  who  was  a  learned 
man,  declared  this  to  me  very  clearly.  When  I  thought 
that  those  favors  which  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  show  me 
would  be  publicly  known,  it  was  so  excessive  a  torment  to 
me,  that  it  troubled  my  soul  exceedingly.  I  thought  I  could 
more  willingly  have  consented  to  be  buried  alive  ;  and  so 
when  I  began  to  have  those  very  great  recollections  and  rap¬ 
tures,  in  such  a  way  that  it  was  impossible  for  me  to  resist 
them,  I  remained  afterwards  so  confounded  with  shame,  that 
I  wished  to  be  where  no  one  could  see  me. 

Being  once  extremely  afflicted  at  this,  our  Lord  asked  me, 
« What  I  was  so  much  afraid  of?  Only  one  of  these  two 


.LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


283 


things  could  happen  in  this  matter,  viz.,  either  that  they 
would  murmur  against-  me,  or  else  that  men  would  praise 
Him  meaning,  that  they  who  believed  it  would  praise  Him, 
and  that  they  who  did  not  believe  it  would  condemn  me  with¬ 
out  any  fault  of  mine  ;  and  that  as  both  these  things  would 
prove  an  advantage  to  me,  I  had  no  reason  to  be  thus 
troubled.  These  words  comforted  me  very  much,  and  do 
comfort  me  still,  whenever  I  call  them  to  mind.  The  tempta¬ 
tion  went  so  far,  that  I  was  desirous  of  leaving  this  place, 
and  of  retiring  to  some  other  monastery,  which  was  much 
more  enclosed  than  that  in  which  I  am  at  present ;  and  I 
liked  it  the  more,  because  I  had  heard  it  praised  exceedingly. 
It  was  also  a  house  of  my  Order,  and  very  far  off,  and  this 
it  is  which  comforts  me,  to  be  in  a  place  where  I  am  un¬ 
known  ;  but  my  confessor  would  never  give  his  consent. 
These  fears  greatly  deprived  me  of  liberty  of  spirit,  and 
afterwards  I  came  to  understand  that  this  was  no  good 
humility,  since  it  gave  me  so  much  disquiet :  our  Lord  then 
taught  me  this  truth,  that  if  I  were  convinced  and  assured 
I  had  no  good  whatever  in  me,  but  that  it  all  came  from  Giod, 
it  would  follow,  that  just  as  I  was  not  sorry  to  hear  other 
persons  praised,  but  was  rather  glad  and  greatly  comforted, 
that  in  them  God  made  Himself  manifest,  so  neither  should 
I  be  sorry  that  His  works  should  be  shown  in  me  also. 

I  fell  also  into  another  extreme,  which  was  to  beg  of  God, 
making  particular  prayer  for  this  purpose,  that  when  any 
person  should  entertain  a  good  opinion  of  me,  His  Majesty 
would  be  pleased  to  declare  my  sins  to  him,  in  order  that  he 
might  see  how,  without  any  merit  of  mine,  it  had  pleased  our 
Lord  to  show  me  favors  ;  and  this  I  always  earnestly  desire. 
My  confessor  bade  me  not  ask  it ;  but  hitherto,  till  very 
lately,  if  I  saw  any  one  who  had  a  very  good  opinion  of  me, 
I  made  known  my  sins  to  him  by  circumlocutions,  or  by 
whatever  way  I  could  ;  and,  by  this  means,  I  thought  I  found 
ease.  A  scruple,  however,  was  raised  in  my  mind  thereby, 
for,  in  my  opinion,  this  proceeded  not  from  humility,  but 
from  a  temptation.  Many  persons  came  to  me,  and  it  seemed 
that  I  deceived  them  all  :  and  they  were  indeed  deceived  if 
they  thought  there  was  any  good  whatever  in  me  ;  still,  I  had 
no  desire  to  deceive  them,  nor  did  I  ever  intend  any  such 


284 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


thing,  but  our  Lord  allows  it  for  some  object  nor  would  1 
ever  have  mentioned  any  of  these  matters,  even  to  my  con¬ 
fessors,  had  I  not  been  convinced  it  was  necessary  ;  otherwise, 
I  should  have  had  great  scruples.  But  now  I  perceive,  that 
all  these  fears,  and  troubles,  and  excessive  humility,  do 
savor  of  much  imperfection,  and  proceed  from  a  want  of 
mortification  ;  for  a  soul  perfectly  resigned  into  the  hands  of 
God,  is  no  more  troubled  at  being  spoken  ill  of,  than  well  of, 
if  once  she  is  deeply  convinced  (and  our  Lord  wishes  to  grant 
her  this  grace)  that  she  has  nothing  at  all  of  herself.  But 
let  her  confide  in  Him  who  imparts  this  favor,  and  she  wiil 
know  why  He  discovers  it ;  and,  in  the  mean  time,  let  her 
prepare  herself-  for  persecution,  for  she  will  certainly  meet 
with  it  in  such  an  age  as  this,  when  our  Lord  wishes  to  mak6 
it  known  that  He  bestows  such  favors  on  her.  On  one  of 
such  souls  a  thousand  eyes  are  fixed,  whereas  there  will  not 
he  one  fixed  on  a  thousand  other  souls,  who  act  in  a  different 
way.  There  is  really  much  reason  to  fear,  and  this  ought  to 
have  been  my  fear,  for  the  other  was  not  humility  but 
pusillanimity.  A  soul  which  God  thus  permits  to  be  exposed 
to  the  eyes  of  the  world,  should  prepare  herself  to  be  a 
martyr  of  that  same  world  :  for  if  she  will  not  die  to  it,  she 
will  die  by  it. 

I  see  nothing  in  this  world  which  seems  good  to  me,  except 
that  it  does  not  allow  the  least  imperfection  in  virtuous 
souls,  and  thus  by  means  of  their  murmurs  against  them, 
they  become  more  perfect.  But  there  is  need  of  greater 
fortitude  for  one  who  is  yet  imperfect  to  walk  on  in  the  way 
of  perfection,  than  even  to  become  a  martyr  at  once.  Per¬ 
fection  is  not  acquired  in  a  short  time,  unless  by  some  one  to 
whom  our  Lord,  by  a  particular  privilege,  may  be  pleased  to 
grant  this  favor.  But  when  the  world  sees  a  person  begin¬ 
ning  to  wish  to  be  perfect,  then  it  immediately  considers  him 
quite  perfect,  and  will  notice  any  fault  in  him,  however 
trifling,  and  perhaps  will  condemn  him  for  that  which,  in 
reality,  is  a  virtue  ;  and  the  person  who  condemns  him  may 
be  accustomed  to  commit  the  self-same  fault,  through  a  bad 
habit,  judging  of  others  by  himself.  Thus  people  wish  (as 
soon  as  they  see  an  individual  resolved  to  serve  God)  that 
he  should  neither  eat  nor  sleep,  nor  even  draw  breath,  if 


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285 


possible  ;  and  the  more  they  esteem  such  a  person,  the  more 
apt  are  they  to  forget,  that  however  perfect  a  soul  may  be, 
she  is  still  in  the  body  and  lives  upon  the  earth,  subject  to 
all  the  miseries  thereof,  even  should  she  tread  the  whole 
world  under  her  feet.  Therefore,  do  I  still  say,  there  is 
need  of  great  courage,  because  the  world  wishes  a  poor  soul 
to  fly,  which  has  not  yet  begun  to  walk.  She  has  not  yet 
overcome  her  passions,  and  still  people  will  expect  her  to 
remain  in  great  temptations  as  firm  and  as  solid  as  they  have 
read  the  saints  did,  after  they  had  been  confirmed  in  grace. 
Here  we  have  reason  to  praise  God,  and,  at  the  same  time 
to  be  afflicted  to  the  heart,  to  see  so  many  souls  turn  bad 
again ;  for  they  know  not,  poor  creatures,  what  to  do  foi 
themselves  :  so,  I  believe,  such  would  have  been  my  case,  il 
our  Lord,  in  His  infinite  mercy,  had  not  supported  me.  Till 
He  did  so,  out  of  His  own  goodness,  your  Eeverence  has 
already  seen  that  I  did  nothing  but  rise  and  fall.  I  would 
gladly  be  able  to  relate  how  this  happened,  because  I  am 
persuaded  that  many  souls  are  deceived  <n  wishing  to  fly 
before  God  gives  them  wings. 

I  think  I  have  already  made  use  of  this  comparison ;  but 
it  suits  my  subject  very  well,  for  I  find  many  persons  much 
afflicted  on  this  account.  As  for  instance,  when  they  begin 
with  great  desires  and  resolutions,  to  go  forward  in  the 
way  of  virtue  (and  some  abandon  even  everything  for  love 
thereof,  as  far  as  the  exterior  goes) ;  and  when  they  see 
others  more  advanced  than  themselves,  and  raised  by  the 
graces  God  has  bestowed  on  them  to  a  degree  of  virtue  they 
cannot  attain ;  and  when  they  read  in  books  which  treat  of 
prayer  and  contemplation,  the  means  of  arriving  thereat,  and 
which  they  find  themselves  incapable  of  practicing,  then  they 
are  afflicted  and  lose  courage.  These  means  are,  to  care 
little  or  nothing  about  being  spoken  ill  of,  but  rather  to  take 
more  pleasure  in  it  than  when  they  praise  us ;  to  have  little 
esteem  for  honors ;  to  be  disengaged  from  kindred,  and  not 
to  be  desirous  of  conversing  with  theifi,  unless  they  be  people 
of  prayer,  and  so  with  regard  to  n  ally  other  things  of  this 
kind,  which  must,  in  my  opinion,  be  given  by  God,  because 
they  appear  to  me  to  be  supernatural  blessings,  and  very 
contrary  to  our  natural  inclinations.  But  let  them  not  be 


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afflicted,  but  trust  in  the  Lord,  that  so  what  they  now  have 
in  desires,  His  Majesty  may  afterwards  be  pleased  to  give 
them  in  effect  by  means  of  prayer,  and  by  doing  on  their 
part  what  they  can.  It  is  very  necessary  for  this  weak 
nature  of  ours,  to  have  great  confidence,  and  not  to  be  dis¬ 
mayed,  but  to  remember,  that  if  we  act  with  courage,  we 
shall  come  off  with  victory.  And  because  I  have  much 
experience  in  this  matter,  I  will  speak  a  word  or  two  to 
your  Reverence,  by  way  of  advice ;  and  you  must  not  think 
(though  it  may  appear  to  be  true)  that  this  virtue  can  be 
gained,  unless  we  have  first  experienced  the  contrary  to  it. 
We  must  always  be  fearful  and  careful,  as  long  as  we  live, 
for  our  weakness  will  stick  close  to  us,  unless  (as  I  was  say¬ 
ing  before)  grace  is  given  to  us,  that  we  may  know  the  value 
of  every  earthly  good,  and  that  in  this  life  there  can  be  no 
advantage,  which  is  not  attended  with  many  dangers.  It 
seemed  to  me,  some  few  years  ago,  that  not  only  was  I  not 
attached  to  my  relations,  but  rather  that  I  was  weary  of 
them ;  and  it  is  very  certain  that  there  were  times  when  I 
could  not  so  much  as  endure  their  conversation.  But  after¬ 
wards  there  arose  a  business  of  great  importance,  which 
obliged  me  to  remain  with  a  sister  of  mine,  whom  I  had  for¬ 
merly  loved  with  great  affection.  But  when  I  came  again 
to  converse  with  her,  we  did  not  remain  long  together ;  for, 
though  she  was  better  than  I  was,  yet,  as  her  state  was  dif¬ 
ferent  from  mine,  since  she  was  married,  the  conversation 
was  not  always  what  I  could  have  wished,  and  therefore  I 
endeavored  to  be  alone  as  much  as  I  could.  I  found,  also, 
that  her  affairs  gave  me  much  more  trouble  and  care  than 
those  of  my  neighbors ;  and  so  I  came  to  understand  that  I 
was  not  so  free  as  I  thought  I  was ;  but  that  it  was  still 
necessary  for  me  to  avoid  occasions  of  sin,  in  order  that  this 
virtue  which  our  Lord  had  begun  to  give  me  might  increase  ; 
and  I  have  endeavored,  through  His  favor,  to  proceed  in 
this  manner  ever  since. 

When  our  Lord  begins  to  give  virtue  to  a  soul,  it  ought 
to  be  held  in  great  esteem,  and  on  no  account  should  we 
expose  it  to  the  danger  of  being  lost :  this  holds  good  in 
things  regarding  our  reputation  and  honor,  and  in  many 
other  cases.  Be  your  Reverence  assured,  that  we  who  think 


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287 

•I 

ourselves  to  be  entirely  disengaged  from  all  things,  are  not 
so  in  reality ;  and  hence  we  have  great  need  to  be  careful  in 
this  respect,  for  whoever  feels  in  himself  any  care  for  the 
point  of  honor,  let  him  believe  me,  if  he  wish  to  gain  profit 
to  his  soul,  that  there  is  at  the  end  of  it  a  chain  which  no 
file  can  divide,  but  God’s  grace,  united  with  prayer  and  our 
own  endeavors ;  and  this  chain  seems  to  me  so  strong,  that 
I  am  not  surprised  at  the  evil  it  produces.  I  know  some 
persons  whose  actions  are  so  holy  and  so  great,  that  we  can¬ 
not  help  admiring  them,  and  exclaiming,  “  0  my  God !  how 
comes  it  that  such  a  soul  is  still  upon  the  earth  "?  Is  she  not 
already  at  the  top  of  perfection'?  What  is  this'*  What  can 
keep  such  a  soul  on  earth,  which  does  such  great  things  for 
God '?”  I  answer,  some  point  of  honor  detains  her ;  and  what  is 
still  worse,  she  is  unwilling  to  believe  there  is  any  such  thing  : 
and  this  happens  because  the  devil  makes  her  think  that  she 
is  obliged  to  take  care  of  it.  But  let  people  listen  to  me ; 
for  the  love  of  our  Lord,  I  beg  of  them  to  believe  me,  a  poor 
little  miserable  ant,  whom  our  Lord  wishes  to  speak  :  be 
assured,  that  unless  they  free  themselves  from  this  cater¬ 
pillar,  though  it  may  not  destroy  the  tree  entirely,  because 
some  other  virtues  perhaps  remain,  though  worm-eaten,  vet 
it  will  never  be  a  beautiful  tree,  nor  will  it  ever  flourish  in 
itself;  no,  nor  even  allow  any  others  to  flourish  that  grow 
near  it,  because  the  fruit  of  good  example  which  it  gives^  is 
not  wholesome,  nor  does  it  last  long.  I  say  again  and  again, 
when  any  point  of  honor  is  to  be  maintained,  however  incom 
siderable  it  may  be,  it  is  like  the  stop  of  an  organ ;  when 
the  tone  is  not  correct,  the  whole  of  the  sound  is  grating : 
this  is  a  matter  which  does  harm  in  every  way ;  but  in  this 
way  of  prayer  it  is  a  very  pestilence. 

For  then  we  endeavor  to  join  ourselves  to  God  by  the  way 
of  union,  and  we  desire  to  follow  the  counsels  of  Christ, 
loaded  with  injuries  and  false  testimonies,  and  yet,  at  the 
same  time,  we*  wish  to  be  very  careful  of  our  honor  and  repu¬ 
tation.  But  it  is  not  possible  ever  to  arrive  at  our  journey’s 
end,  without  walking  along  the  same  road  our  Lord  went. 
Our  Saviour  then  comes  to  a  soul,  when  we  endeavor  to  cor¬ 
respond  with  His  grace,  and  to  give  up,  in  many  things, 
even  that  which  is  our  right.  But  some  perhaps  will  say, 


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LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


“  I  have  no  opportunity  of  this  kind,  to  give  up  something 
for  His  sake.”  I  believe,  that  whosoever  has  such  a  resolu¬ 
tion  as  this,  our  Lord  will  not  suffer  him  to  lose  so  great  a 
good.  His  Majesty  will  ordain  things  in  so  many  ways  in 
order  to  gain  this  virtue,  that  he  will  wish  he  had  not  so 
many  opportunities.  Let  us  all  then  put  our  hands  to  the 
work  ;  for  I  wish  to  inform  you,  that  those  miserable  nothings, 
or  at  least  some  of  them  which  I  performed, — those  straws 
of  which  I  have  spoken,  and  which  I  cast  into  the  fire,  and 
which  were  fit  for  nothing  else, — are  all  accepted  by  our 
Lord  :  may  He  be  praised  for  ever.  Amongst  my  other  im¬ 
perfections  I  was  subject  to  this  :  I  had  very  little  knowledge 
of  the  Breviary,  and  of  all  that  was  to  be  performed  in  the 
choir ;  and  this  happened  by  my  being  so  careless  and  so 
given  to  vanities,  while,  at  the  same  time,  I  saw  other 
“  Novices”  who  were  able  to  teach  me. 

I  did  not  ask  them  any  questions,  for  fear  they  should 
discover  my  ignorance  :  but  shortly  after  a  good  example 
was  presented  to  me,  and  this  favor  is  usually  granted  by 
Hod  ;  for  when  He  had  opened  my  eyes  a  little,  I  then  asked 
(when  I  was  in  the  least  doubt,  though  I  may  have  known 
the  thing  Very  well)  the  little  children  to  inform  me  ;  and  so 
far  from  lessening  myself  in  their  esteem,  our  Lord  was 
rather  pleased,  in  my  opinion,  to  give  me  a  better  memory. 
I  was  also  a  bad  singer,  and  I  was  troubled  if  I  had  not 
learnt  what  I  was  commanded,  not  through  fear  of  making 
any  blunders  in  the  presence  of  God  (for  that  would  have 
been  a  virtue),  but  because  so  many  heard  me ;  and  thus  I 
was  so  disturbed,  purely  about  my  reputation,  that  I  really 
acquitted  myself  much  worse  than  I  need  have  done.  After¬ 
wards  I  thought  it  better  to  tell  the  sisters  plainly,  that  I 
could  not  sing  well,  which  was  really  the  case.  At  first  I 
had  some  difficulty  even  in  this,  but  afterwards  I  took  plea¬ 
sure  in  doing  it,  and  thus  it  is  quite  true,  that  when  a  soul 
begins  not  to  care  about  her  faults  being  known,  she  per¬ 
forms  her  duty  much  better.  And  when  I  renounced  this 
unhappy  desire  of  honor,  which  I  fancied  I  could  acquire  in 
singing,  and  which  every  one  places  where  he  likes,  I  began 
to  sing  much  better  than  before :  and  thus  by  performing 
such  poor  little  acts  as  these,  His  Majesty  is  pleased  to  give 


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289 


them  worth  and  vtilue,  because  they  are  done  for  His  sake, 
though  in  reality,  they  are  nothings,  and  I  am  sure  I  am 
nothing.  He  also  helps  us  to  perform  greater  things ;  and 
so  it  happened  to  me  in  matters  concerning  humility,  by 
seeing  that  all  the  sisters  advanced,  except  myself,  for  I  was 
never  good  for  anything  ;  when,  however,  they  left  the  choir, 
I  would  stay  to  fold  up  their  mantles ;  for  it  seemed  to  me 
as  if  they  were  angels  who  were  there  singing  the  praises  of 
our  Lord ;  this  I  continued  to  do  till  they  came  to  hear  of 
it,  and  then  I  was  not  a  little  ashamed,  for  my  virtue  was 
not  so  far  advanced  as  to  desire  they  might  know  this  eir^ 
cumstance,  not  because  I  was  humble,  but  only  lest  they 
might  laugh  at  me,  because  I  was  so  completely  good  for 
nothing. 

0  my  Lord  !  what  confusion  ought  I  not  to  have  in  behold-* 
ing  so  much  wickedness,  and  in  counting  such  little  miserable 
grains  of  sand,  which  I  did  not  even  raise  from  the  earth  for 
Thy  honor,  but  all  was  wrapt  in  a  thousand  imperfections ; 
for  the  water  of  Thy  grace  had  not  yet  flowed  from  beneath 
those  sands,  to  make  them  rise  up.  0  my  Creator !  would 
that  I  had  something  valuable  to  mention  among  so  many 
sins,  since  I  have  been  commanded  to  relate  those  great 
favors  which  I  have  received  from  Thee !  0  my  Lord  !  it  is 

true  that  I  know  not  how  my  heart  can  endure  the  thought, 
nor  how  any  person  who  reads  this  account  can  help  abhor¬ 
ring  me,  when  he  sees  such  immense  favors  so  ill  repaid,  and 
that  I  am  not  ashamed  to  mention  these  services,  as  if  they 
were  mine.  But  my  not  having  anything  else  to  mention 
which  I  could  call  my  own,  makes  me  declare  these  base 
beginnings  of  mine,  in  order  that  whoever  may  have  made 
greater  and  better  beginnings  may  have  good  hopes,  since 
He  who  has  accepted  my  poor  beginnings  as  a  kind  of  pay¬ 
ment,  will  certainly  accept  those  others  which  are  so  much 
better  than  mine.  May  His  Majesty  give  me  grace,  not 
always  to  continue  in  these  things,  which  are  only  begin¬ 
nings.  Amen. 


25 


200 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 


THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  HOW  OUR  LORD  WAS  PLEASED  TO  SHOW  HER, 
IN  SPIRIT,  THE  PLACE  WHICH  HAD  BEEN  PREPARED  FOR  HER  IN 
HELL,  AND  WHICH  SHE  HAD  DESERVED  BY  HER  SINS. 

After  our  Lord  had  bestowed  many  favors  upon  me, 
which  I  have-  already  related,  as  well  as  many  others,  which 
were  very  great,  lie  was  pleased  that  one  day,  while  X  was 
at  prayer,  I  should  find  myself  (without  knowing  how)  in  a 
moment  lodged  in  hell.  I  understood  that  our  Lord  was 
pleased  to  let  me  see  the  place  which  the  devils  had  pre¬ 
pared  for  me  there,  and  which  I  hatT  deserved  by  my  sins. 
This  lasted  only  for  a  very  short  time  ;  but  yet,  if  I  should 
live  many  years,  it  seems  impossible  to  forget  such  a  place. 
The  entrance  seemed  to  be  like  a  long  close  alley,  or  rather 
like  a  low,  dark,  and  narrow  oven ;  and  the  ground  appeared 
to  be  like  mire,  exceedingly  filthy,  stinking  insupportably, 
and  full  of  a  multitude  of  loathsome  vermin.  At  the  end 
of  it  there  was  a  certain’ hollow  place,  as  if  it  had  been  a 
kind  of  a  little  press  in  the  wall,  into  which  I  found  myself 
thrust,  and  close  pent  up.  All  that  I  have  said  might  pass 
for  delightful ,  in  comparison  with  what  I  felt  in  this  press  : 
the  torment  was  so  dreadful  that  no  words  can  express  the 
least  part  of  it. 

•  I  felt  a  fire  in  my  soul,  which  I  cannot  express  or  describe, 
as  it  was  in  reality.  All  those  other  most  grievous  torments, 
almost  insupportable,  which  I  have  endured,  by  the  shrink¬ 
ing  up  of  all  my  sinews,  and  by  other  ways  (which,  m  the 
judgment  of  physicians,  were  the  greatest  that  could  be  suf¬ 
fered,  in  a  corporeal  way,  in  this  world) ;  and  some  also,  as 
I  have  said,  which  were  caused  by  the  devil,  were  all  a  mere 
nothing,  in  comparison  with  what  X  suffered  there,  joined 
with  the  dismal  thought,  that  all  this  suffering  was  to  be 
without  end  or  intermission.  And  even  this  is  still  nothing, 
if  compared  with  the  continual  agony  the  soul  suffers ;  that 
pressing,  that  stifling,  that  anguish  so  exceedingly  sensible, 
together  with  such  desperate  torturing  discontent  and  dis¬ 
gust,  that  I  cannot  express  it.  To  say  it  is  a  butchering,  or 


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291 


rending  of  the  soul,  is  to  say  little ;  for  this  would  seem  to 
express  a  violence,  used  by  some  other  agent  to  destroy  her. 
But  here  she  is  her  own  executioner,  and  even  tears  herself 
in  pieces.  I  saw  not  who  it  was  that  tormented  me ;  but  I 
seemed  to  find  myself  both  burnt  and  cut  in  pieces  all  at 
once  ;  and  in  so  dreadful  a  place  there  was  no  room  for  the 
least  hope  of  once  meeting  with  any  comfort  or  ease  ;  neither 
was  there  any  such  thing  as  sitting  or  lying  down.  Thus 
was  I  thrust  into  this  place  like  a  hole  in  the  wall ;  and  these 
walls,  which  are  also  most  horrible  to  the  sight,  press  in 
upon  their  prisoner,  so  that  everything  chokes  and  stifles 
there.  There  is  nothing  but  thick  darkness,  without  the 
least  glimpse  of  light ;  and  yet,  I  know  not  how  it  is,  though 
there  is  no  light,  yet  one  sees  all  that  can  afflict  the  sight. 

Our  Lord  was  not  pleased  I  should  see  any  more  of  hell 
at  that  time.  But  afterwards  I  had  another  vision  of  most 
terrible  things,  as  punishments  inflicted  for  certain  particu¬ 
lar  vices;  and  these,  as  far  as  I  could  judge  of  them  by  the 
sight,  seemed  to  be  more  hideous  than  the  former.  But  as  1 
did  not  feel  the  pain,  they  did  not  give  me  so  much  fear. 
But  in  this  other  vision,  our  Lord  was  pleased  that  I  should 
really  feel  those  torments,  and  that  affliction  of  spirit,  as  if 
my  very  body  had  been  suffering  them.  I  knew  not  how  all 
this  could  be ;  but  I  understood  very  clearly  that  it  was  a 
great  favor,  and  that  our  Lord  was  pleased  1  should  see,  by 
the  light  of  my  own  eyes,  from  what  place  His  great  mercy 
had  delivered  me.  It  is  nothing  to  have  heard  people  talk 
of  hell,  nor  to  have  meditated  on  several  kinds  of  torments  ; 
all  is  nothing  to  this,  since  it  is  quite  a  different  thing ;  and, 
indeed,  the  torments  of  this  world  are  no  more  than  a  mere 
picture ;  and  the  burning  here  in  this  life  is  but  a  trifle  in 
comparison  with  the  fire  of  hell.  I  was  so  astonished  and 
amazed  at  this  sight  (and  so  I  am  even  now  while  I  am 
writing,  though  it  happened  six  years  ago),  that  at  the 
thought  of  it  my  blood  seems  to  chill  in  my  veins  through 
fear  And  whatever  troubles  or  pains  I  now  suffer,  if  I  do  but 
call  to  my  remembrance  what  I  then  endured,  immediately 
all  that  can  be  suffered  in  this  life  seems  to  be  nothing  at 
all.  I  therefore  say  again,  that  this  was  one  of  the  greatest 
favors  which  our  Lord  has  ever  shown  me ;  for  it  has  been 


292 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


of  very  great  benefit  to  me,  both  in  making  me  lose  all  fear 
about  the  tribulations  and  contradictions  of  this  life,  and 
giving  me  strength  to  bear  them ;  and  also  in  teaching  me 
to  give  thanks  to  our  Lord,  for  delivering  me  (as  I  may  now 
hope)  from  those  dreadful  and  never-ending  torments. 

Since  that  time  all  seems  easy  to  me,  in  comparison  of  one 
moment  of  such  suffering  as  I  endured  there.  I  wondered, 
that  having  so  often  read  books  which  give  an  account  of 
some  of  the  torments  of  hell,  I  yet  feared  them  so  little,  and 
did  not  regard  them  as  I  ought  to  have  done.  Considering 
in  what  state  I  then  was,  I  was  also  astonished  to  see  how  it 
was  possible  for  me  tv  take  pleasure  in  anything,  that  was 
likely  to  bring  me  at  last  to  so  bad  a  place.  Be  lhou  eter¬ 
nally  blessed,  O  my  God !  For  how  well  hast  lhou  made  it 
appear,  that  Thou  didst  love  me  incomparably  better  than  I 
did  myself!  How  often,  0  Lord!  hast  Thou  delivered  me 
from  that  dark  and  horrible  dungeon !  And  how  often  have 
I  returned  to  cast  myself  in  there  again,  even  against  lhy 
will !  Hence  I  feel  very  great  pain  for  the  many  souls  which 
are  condemned  to  this  prison,  especially  for  the  Lutherans, 
because  they  had  once  been  members  of  the  Church  by  their 
baptism.*  This  jvas  followed  by  strong  impulses  to  do  good 
to  souls ;  so  that  it  seems  to  me  very  certain,  that  for  the 
delivery  of  any  one  of  them  from  such  excessive  torments,  1 
could  very  willingly  suffer  many  deaths.  I  consider  that  if 
we  see  a  person  in  this  world,  whom  we  love  dearly,  in  any 
great  pain  or  affliction,  it  seems  that  our  natural  disposition 
invites  us  to  compassion.  And,  therefore,  to  see  a  soul  which 
is  forever  to  endure  that  supreme  affliction,  and  misery  of 
all  miseries,  who  shall  be  able  to  bear  it?  Surely,  no  heart 
can  endure  it  without  great  grief.  And  since  in  this  world 
we  are  moved  to  so  much  compassion  for  those  whose  misery, 
at  the  farthest,  is  to  end  with  their  lives,  I  know  not  how 
we  can  be.  at  rest,  considering  what  a  vast  number  of  souls 

the  devil  daily  takes  with  him  to  hell. 

This  also  makes  me  desire,  that  in  a  business  of  so  great 
importance,  we  should  not  be  satisfied  with  less  than  doing 
all  we  can  on  our  part,  and  leaving  nothing  unattempted ; 

*  These  words  are  remarkable,  as  the  saint  alludes  to  the  followers  of 
Luther. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


293 


and  I  beseech  our  Lord  to  give  us  His  grace  for  this  pur¬ 
pose.  When  I  consider,  that  although  I  was  formerly  very 
wicked,  yet  I  was  somewhat  careful  to  serve  God :  nor  did  I 
then  commit  certain  sins  which  are  swallowed  down  by  the 
world  as  if  they  were  nothing ;  and  though  I  had  endured 
most  dreadful  sickness,  with  much  patience  that  our  Lord 
gave  me,  and  I  was  also  not  inclined  to  murmur,  or  to  detract, 
or  to  speak  ill  of  anybody  ]  nor  was  X  covetous  or  envious., 
as  far  as  I  can  remember,  in  any  way,  so  as  grievously  to 
offend  God,  for  though  I  was  so  wicked,  I  usually  had  the 
fear  of  God  before  me ;  yet,  notwithstanding  all  this,  I  see 
where  the  devils  had  provided  me  a  lodging :  hence  I  com 
dude,  that  it  is  a  dangerous  thing  we  should  take  our  plea¬ 
sure  here  ;  and  that  a  soul  ought  to  take  no  rest,  which  is 
frequently  falling  into  mortal  sin.  .  Let  us,  for  the  love  of 
God,  remove  all  occasions  thereof,  for  our  Lord  will  help  us, 
as  He  has  done  me.  May  His  Majesty  vouchsafe  to  hold  me 
fast  in  His  hand,  that  so  I  may  not  relapse  any  more  ;  for  in 
that  case  T  see  to  what  place  I  must  go  :  but  I  beseech  our 
Lord  not  to  suffer  such  a  calamity  to  happen,  for  the  sake 

of  what  His  Majesty  is.  Amen. 

Having  now  seen  all  these  great  things,  and  heard  many 
secrets,  which  our  Lord  through  His  mercy  was  pleased  to 
show  me,  concerning  the  glory  which  is  prepared  for  the 
good,  and  the  torments  prepared  for  the  wicked ;  and  desir¬ 
ing,  therefore,  to  find  out  some  way  and  method  whereby  I 
might  do  penance  for  all  the  sins  I  had  committed,  and  be 
enabled  to  do  something  towards  obtaining  so  great  a  glory, 
X  was  desirous  of  flying  from  the  world,  and  avoiding  once 
for  all  the  company  of  men.  My  heart  could  find  no  rest , 
but  this  restlessness  was  not  troublesome  to  me,  but  sweet 
and  delightful.  It  was  evident  it  came  from  God,  and  that 
His  Majesty  had  given  heat  enough  to  my  soul— for  digest¬ 
ing  other  stronger  meats  than  she  had  before  eaten.  And 
now  I  began  to  consider  what  I  could  do  for  God  :  the  first 
thing  I  thought  of  was  to  follow  the  u  call  which  He  had 
given  me  to  a  religious  life,  and  to  observe  my  rule  with  the 
greatest  possible  perfection.  And  though  there  were  m  the 
house  where  I  lived  many  servants  of  God,  by  whom  He  was 
greatly  served,  yet  as  they  were  in  great  want  of  temporal 

25* 


294 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


means,  many  of  the  nuns  were -often  obliged  to  go  abroad  to 
seek  assistance  ;  still  they  did  so  with  all  due  decorum  and 
nietY  ;  and  besides,  that  house  was  not  founded  according  to 
the  first  rigor  of  the  rule,  but  that  rule  only  was  observed 
which  was  conformable  with  all  the  rest  of  the  Order,  accor 
ing  to  the  Bull  of  the  Pope,  granting  a  relaxation.  I  here 
were  also  some  other  inconveniences :  it  seemed  to  me,  also, 
that  the  place  was  too  good,  as  the  house  was  large  and 
pleasant;  but  the  inconvenience  of  leaving  the  monastery 
had  become  very  troublesome  to  me,  though  formerly  1  had 
frequently  indulged  in  it,  because  some  persons,  whose  wishes 
the  Superiors  could  not  refuse,  were  pleased  that  I  should 
accompany  them  when  they  went  out ;  and  the  Superiors, 
being  importuned  by  them,  commanded  me  to  do  so  :  and 
thus  by  this  means  I  grew  accustomed  to  remain  but  seldom 
in  the  monastery.  The  devil,  also,  was  sure  to  be  instru¬ 
mental  in  helping  me  not  to  remain  at  home  ;  for  by  my 
imparting  to  some  of  the  religious  there  what  I  had  learnt 
from  those  with  whom  I  used  to  converse,  they  derived  much 
advantage.  Being  once  in  the  house  with  a  certain  P^on, 
she  happened  to  say,  both  to  me  and  to  others,  “  TV  hat 
would  you  think  if  we  were  to  become  nuns,  like  those  who 
are  called  Piscalced,  for  it  might  be  possible  to  form  a  monas¬ 
tery  of  that  kind  1”  As  I  had  the  same  desires,  I  began  to 
talk  over  the  matter  with  this  widow,  who  was  my  companion, 
and  of  whom  I  have  spoken  before,  for  she  had  the  same  ^ 
desires  as  myself.  She  then  began  to  consider  how  she  could 
endow  the  monastery  with  rent ;  but  I  soon  saw  there  was 
no  great  probability  of  that,  though  the  desire  she  had  ot 
doing  so  made  us  believe  it  might  be  possible.  But  1,  on 
the  other  hand  (as  I  found  the  greatest  pleasure  m  the  house 
where  I  was,  because  it  was  in  accordance  with  my  own  satis¬ 
faction,  and  the  cell  in  which  I  dwelt  was  very  convenient), 
delayed  all  I  could  the  execution  of  my  design,  though  we 
did  resolve  to  recommend  it  earnestly  to  Almighty  Hod. 

•One  day  after  T  had  communicated,  His  Majesty  earnestly 
commanded  me  “  to  endeavor  to  accomplish  this  object  with 
all  my  strength,”  promising  me,  at  the  same  time,  c“  that  the 
monastery  should  certainly  be  established,  and  that  He  would 
be  greatly  served  in  it  j  that  it  should  be  called  by  the  name 


295 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

of  St.  Joseph ;  that  He  himself  would  guard  us  at  one  gate, 
and  His  Mother  our  Lady  at  another  ;  that  He  would  continue 
with  us,  and  that  the  place  would  become  like  a  star,  which 
of  itself  would  shine  with  great  splendor .  and  that  though 
other  convents  were  then  relaxed,  yet  men  must  not  tlimk 
He  was  but  little  served  therein ;  and  what  would  become 
Of  the  world,  were  it  not  for  religious  orders  ?”  I  was  told 
to  inform  my  confessor  of  all  that  had  been  said  to  me,  and 
that  our  Lord  wished  him  not  to  oppose  my  design,  nor  put 
any  obstacle  in  the  way.  This  vision  was  followed  by  such 
great  effects,  that  the  “  words”  used  therein  were  uttered  m 
such  a  manner,  that  I  could  not  possibly  doubt  of  their  hav-1 
ing  come  from  Gfod.  Still  I  experienced  the  greatest  afflic¬ 
tion,  because  all  the  labors  and  trials  this  project  would  cost 
were  represented  to  me.  I  considered  how  extremely  happy 
I  was  in  my  first  house  ;  and  though  formerly  I  began .  to 
think  about  this  matter,  it  was  not  with  any  determination 
and  certainty  that  it  would  succeed.  It  seemed,  however, 
that  the  reward  I  should  have  for  accomplishing  it  was  placed 
before  me  ;  yet  when  I  foresaw  what  great  trouble  the  under¬ 
taking  would  give  me,  I  began  to  doubt  about  what  I  should 
do.  But  our  Lord  again  spoke  to  me  so  many  times  on  the 
subject,  and  represented  to  me  so  many  reasons  for  under¬ 
taking  it,  that  I  saw  clearly  it  was  His  will  I  should  do  so ; 
and  I  thought  of  nothing  else  but  of  acquainting  my  confessor 
with  the  matter,  and  I  gave  him  in  writing  what  had  taken 
place.  He  did  not  dare  expressly  to  command  me  to  aban¬ 
don  the  project ;  but  he  saw  little  hopes  of  accomplishing  it, 
judging  humanly,  because  my  companion,  who  was  the  per¬ 
son  to  commence  the  work,  had  but  little  means.  He  told 
me  to  speak  on  the  subject  with  my  Superior,  and  that  I 
should  do  exactly  as  he  told  me.  But  I  did  not  mention 
these  visions  to  that  Superior.  The  lady,  however,  spoke  to 
him  on  the  matter,  and  told  him  she  wished  to  erect  a  new 
monastery.  The  Provincial  very  readily  gave  his  consent, 
for  he  was  a  friend  to  all  religious  orders ;  and  so  he  gave 
all  the  liberty  and  power  that  were  necessary,  and  told  her 
that  he  would  admit  and  accept  the  house.  They  then  settled 
the  revenue  which  the  house  was  to  have  5  and.  "we  ne\er 
wished  the  community  to  consist  of  more  than  thirteen  reli- 


296 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


gious ;  and  this  for  many  reasons.  But  before  we  finally 
settled  the  matter,  we  wrote  to  that  holy  man,  Friar  Peter 
of  Alcantara,  and  told  him  all  that  had  passed he  advised 
us  to  proceed  with  our  design,  and  not  abandon  it,  and  gave 
us  his  opinion  upon  the  whole  affair. 

But  as  soon  as  our  intention  began  to  be  known  in  the 
town,*  there  instantly  arose  such  a  violent  storm  of  perse¬ 
cution  as  cannot  be  described  in  words.  The  scoffs,  the  jeers, 
the  laughter,  the  exclamations  that  it  was  a  ridiculous,  silly 
undertaking,  were  more  than  I  can  describe.  They  said  it 
was  better  for  me  to  remain  where  I  was  ;  but  they  perse¬ 
cuted  my  companion  to  such  a  degree  that  they  quite  afflicted 
her.  As  for  myself,  I  knew  not  what  to  do  )  for  it  seemed 
as  if  they  had  some  reason  for  what  they  did.  In  this  dis¬ 
tress  I  recommended  myself  to  God,  and  then  His  Majesty 
began  to  comfort  and  encourage  me,  and  told  me,  u  that  now 
I  might  see  through  what  difficulties  those  saints  had^passed, 
who  were  the  founders  of  religious  Orders  in  the  Church  ; 
and  that  I  was  to  suffer  many  more  persecutions  than  I  could 
imagine,  but  that  I  must  not  be  troubled  at  them.  He  told 
me  also  some  things  which  I  was  to  tell  my  companion  ;  and 
that  which  astonished  me  most  was,  that  we  were  instantly 
consoled  respecting  what  had  passed,  and  encouraged  to  bear 
up  against  all  trials  that  were  to  come.  I  am  quite  certain 
that  there  was  hardly  any  person  of  prayer  who  did  not 
oppose  us  :  and  indeed  all  in  the  town  were  entirely  against 
us,  and  all  thought  the  undertaking  was  a  most  foolish  thing. 

The  trouble  and  disturbance  which  the  affair  excited,  in 
the  monastery  were  so  great,  that  even  the  Provincial, 
thinking  it  would  be  rash  to  act  in  opposition  to  every  one, 
changed  his  former  opinion,  and  was  now  unwilling  to  admit 
the  foundation  of  the  house.  He  said,  ((  the  revenue  was 
too  small,  and  also  not  very  certain,  and  that  the  opposition 
was  too  great.”  He  seemed  to  have  reason  on  his  side  .  in 
a  word,  he  gave  up  the  affair  altogether,  and  wrould  not 
admit  the  house.  "W  e,  who  had  already  received  the  first 
blows  on  our  head,  were  greatly  troubled  at  this  change  in 
the  Provincial  5  and  especially  was  I  afflicted  to  see  the  Pro* 


*  Avila. 


life  of  st.  Teresa. 


'297 


vincial  opposed  to  us,  for  had  he  approved  of  the  under¬ 
taking,  then  every  one  would  have  freed  me  from  blame. 
But  to  my  companion  people  were  not  so  favorable  ;  they 
left  her  to  herself;  for  they  said  she  was  bound  to  take 
away  the  scandal. 

She  went,  therefore,  to  a  very  learned  man,  who  was  a 
great  servant  of  God,  and  belonged  to  the  Order  of  St. 
Bominick,  and  told  him  all  that  had  passed,  and  gave  him 
an  account  of  the  whole  business.  This  happened  before 
the  Provincial  had  given  it  up,  for  now  no  one  in  the  whole 
town  would  give  us  his  opinion  on  the  matter,  and  therefore 
they  might  justly  assert,  as  indeed  they  did,  that  the  project 
originated  only  in  our  own  head.  But  this  lady  gave  the 
holy  man  an  account  of  the  whole  affair,  and  mentioned  that 
the  revenue  she  intended  to  settle  on  the  monastery  came 
out  of  her  own  estate,  and  she  wished  he  would  assist  us, 
because  he  was  the  most  learned  man  in  the  town  at  that 
time,  and  there  were  few  so  learned  in  th  whole  Older.  .  I 
told  him  likewise,  all  that  we  intended  to  do,  and  gave  him 
some  reasons  for  the  undertaking:  but  I  did  ^  not  mention 
any  of  my  revelations  ;  I  only  dwelt  on  tnose  natural 
motives  which  struck  me,  because  I  wished  him  not  to  give 
any  opinion  but  what  was  conformable  to  them.  He  an¬ 
swered,  that  he  wished  to  have  eight  days  to  consider  the 
matter  ;  he  also  asked  us,  whether  we  were  determined  to  do 
whatever  he  should  tell  us;  and  I  assured  him  we  were. 
But,  though  I  said  so  much,  and  methinks  I  would  have 
done  as  I  promised,  vet,  never  did  I  lose  the  confidence  that 
the  monastery  would  be  established.  The  faith  and  confi¬ 
dence  of  my  companion  were  still  greater  than  my  own,  tor, 
whatever  people  might  say  to  her,  she  was  resolved  never  to 
give  up  the  project.  But,  though  I  considered  it  was  quite 
certain  the  work  would  be  done,  so  deeply  was  I  convinced 
the  above  revelation  was  true  (provided  that  it  contained 
nothing  against  Holy  Scripture,  or  the  decrees  of  the 
Church,  which  we  are  bound  to  observe);  yet,  though  1  con¬ 
sidered  the  revelation  was  really  from  God,  still,  if  this 
learned  man  had  told  me  that  we  could  not  effect  oui  design 
without  offending  our  Lord  and  going  against  a  good  con¬ 
science,  I  think  I  should  instantly  have  abandoned  it,  and 


i 


298 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


sought  for  some  other  means ;  but  our  Lord  gave  me  no 
other  but  this.  This  servant  of  God  told  me,  some  ti 
afterwards,  that  he  had  carefully  considered  the  matter,  an 
had  come  to  the  resolution  of  doing  all  in  his  power  .to 'induce 

us  to  abandon  the  undertaking,  because  the  opposition  of  the 

people  had  already  come  to  his  ears,  and  also  because  every 
one  considered  it  to  be  a  foolish  thing.  And  a  certain  gen 
tleman  as  soon  as  he  heard  that  we  intended  to  speak  with 
the  Father,  sent  word  to  him,  and  advised  him  to  consider 
well  what  he  did,  for  he  would  not  help  us.  But  now,  when 
he  began  to  consider  what  answer  he  should  return,  and  to 
reflect  seriously  on  the  matter,  and  upon  the  intention  we 
had,  and  what  regularity  and  devotion  we  intended  to  intro¬ 
duce  into  the  monastery,  he  came  to  the  conclusion  that  its 
establishment  would  tend  much  to  the  honor  of  God,  and 
that  we  should  on  no  account  abandon  our  object  ,  and 
hence  he  advised  us  to  make  all  possible  haste  to  bring  ie 
matter  to  a  conclusion,  and  he  gave  us  his  own  opinion  as  to 
the  best  method  we  should  adopt ;  and  he  told  us,  that 
though  the  revenue  was  small,  God  was  to  be  trusted,  and 
that  whoever  opposed  the  design  should  be  sent  to  linn,  for 
he  knew  well  what  answer  to  give;  and  thus  he  always 

assisted  us,  as  I  shall  afterwards  declare. 

With  these  words  we  went  away  much  comforted ,  and 
we  found  that  some  holy  persons  who  had  before  been 
opposed  to  us,  were  now  much  more  satisfied  and  quiet,  and 
amongst  them  was  that  devout  cavalier,  of  whom  I  have 
made  mention  above,  who,  knowing  that  our  Order  aimed  at 
great  perfection,  as  indeed  it  does,  because  it  is  wholly 
founded  on  prayer,  he  gave  us  his  opinion,  that  however 
difficult  the  means  seemed  to  be,  having  no  appearance  ol 
success,  yet,  it  may  happen  to  be  an  undertaking  inspired 
by  God.  Now  our  Lord  may  have  disposed  him  to  be  ot 
this  mind,  and  the  priest  also,— that  servant  of  God,  who 
was  the  first  (as  I  mentioned)  to  give  his  opinion,  and  who 
is  a  pattern  for  all  the  town,  and  one  whom  God  preserves 
there  for  the  advancement  of  many  souls  :  this  person  now 
came  forward  to  assist  me  in  the  business.  We  had  thus 
so  far  succeeded,  by  the  help  of  many  prayers,  for  we  bought 
a  house,  though  a  small  one,  in  a  good  part  of  the  town , 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

but  its  smallness  did  not  trouble  ire  at  all,  for  oui  Lord 
had  told  me  before  that  I  should  take  possession  as  well  as 
I  could,  and  that  afterwards  I  should  see  what  His  Majesty 
would  do;  and  this  promise  I  have  seen  strictly  performed. 
And  thus,  though  I  found  we  had  but  little  means,  yet  I 
believed  our  Lord  would  so  arrange  matters  that  we  should 
be  assisted  in  other  ways. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

THE  SAINT  CONTINUES  THE  HISTORY  OF  THE  FOUNDATION  OF  ST. 

Joseph’s  monastery,  etc. 

When  the  business  was  now  so  far  advanced,  and  so  near 
being  completed  that  the  deeds  were  to  be  drawn  up  the  very 
next  day,  it  happened  that  just  then  our  Father  Provincial 
changed  his  opinion  ;  and  I  believe  he  was  moved  thereto  by 
Divine  Providence,  as  we  shall  see  afterwards,  because,  as 
our  prayers  were  so  numerous,  it  seems  our  Lord  was  per¬ 
fecting  the  work,  and  arranging  things  in  such  a  way  that  it 
might  be  accomplished  in  a  different  manner.  But  as  the 
Provincial  was  unwilling  to  admit  the  house,  iny  confessor 
immediately  commanded  me  to  think  no  more  about  the 
matter .  but  our  Lord  knows  what  great  troubles  and  afflic¬ 
tions  I  had  to  endure,  before  I  could  bring  the  business  to  its 
present  state.  But,  as  it  was  now  abandoned,  all  the  former  ob¬ 
jections  were  confirmed,  viz.,  “  That  the  project  was  the  foolish¬ 
ness  of  women,”  &c. ;  and  I  had  to  bear  all  their  complaints  and 
murmurs,  though  up  to  this  time  the  Provincial  had  com¬ 
manded  the  business  to  be  done. 

In  the  mean  time,  I  was  in  very  bad  odor  in  the  house 
where  I  was,  because  I  w'ished  to  have  more  enclosure  in 
the  monastery.  They  said,  “  That  I  affronted  them  (by  my 
new  project)';  that  God  could  be  as  well  served  there  as  in 
another  place;  that  there  were  persons  much  better  than 
myself,  that  I  had  no  love  for  the  house ;  that  I  should  have 
done  much  better  to  have  procured  revenues  for  that  house 
than  for  any  other  place.”  And  some  even  said,  that  I 
ought  to  be  thrown  into  prison  ;  and  few  there  were  who  took 


300 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


my  part  in  any  way  \  but  I  saw  clearly  that  they  had  reasons 
for  many  things  they  said  ;  and  sometimes  I  made  excuses, 
though  as  I  could  not  tell  them  the  principal  motive  (which 
was  the  command  of  our  Lord),  I  knew  not  what  to  say,  and 
so  I  held  my  tongue.  At  other  times  our  Lord  showed  me 
very  great  favors,  and  all  this  affair  of  the  monastery  gave 
me  no  trouble  whatever;  for  I  gave  it  up  with  as  much 
pleasure  and  facility  as  if  it  had  never  cost  me  any  pam. 
But  this  no  one  could  believe,  not  even  those  persons  of 
prayer  with  whom  I  used  to  converse,  for  they  thought  I  was 
still  full  of  trouble  and  shame ;  even  my  confessor  himself 
could  hardly  believe  the  contrary.  But,  as  I  thought  I  had 
done  all  that  lay  in  my  power,  it  seemed  to  me  I  was  no 
longer  obliged  to  promote  what  our  Lord  had  commanded 
me.  I  remained  still  in  the  house,  quite  content  and  at  my 
ease,  though  I  could  never  help  believing  that  the  business 
would  be  done.  Still  I  neither  knew  how  nor  when,  but  I 
believed  that  it  would  certainly  be  accomplished. 

That  which  extremely  afflicted  me  was,  that  once  my  con¬ 
fessor  wrote  me  a  letter  to  this  effect,  as  if  I  had  done  some¬ 
thing  against  his  will,  though  it  seems  our  Lord  was  pleased 
I  should  have  some  affliction,  even  by  means  of  that  which 
was  most  dear  to  me  ;  and  thus,  in  the  .multitude  of  my  per¬ 
secutions,  when  I  was  expecting  to  receive  some  comfort,  my 
confessor,  as  I  have  said,  wrote  to  me,  saying :  “  That  now 
he  hoped  I  saw,  by  what  had  happened,  that  all  had  been  a 
dream;  that  I  should,  for  the  future,  so  far  correct  myself, 
as  not  to  meddle  any  more  with  any  business,  nor  talk  any 
more  of  this  business  in  particular,  for  I  must  have  observed 
what  scandal  had  arisen,”  &c.  Other  things  he  said  which 
gave  me  great  pain.  But  this  letter,  I  confess,  gave  me 
greater  pain  than  all  my  other  troubles  put  together,  because 
I  then  began  to  think  whether  I  might  not  have  been  the 
cause  of  all  the  evil,  and  whether  I  did  not  commit  an  error 
whereby  God  may  have  been  offended  .  nay,  I  even  began 
to  fear  whether  those  visions  might  not  have  been  illusions, 
and  my  whole  course  of  prayer  have  been  from  the  devil ; 
and  whether,  in  a  word,  I  were  not  then  in  a  state  of  error 
and  perdition.  These  thoughts  so  overpowered  me,  that  I 
fell  into  the  most  profound  grief  and  trouble*  But  our 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


301 


Lord,  who  was  never  wanting  to  me  in  all  my  afflictions, 
often  comforted  and  strengthened  me,  though  this  is  not  the 
place  to  relate  what  He  did.  But  He  told  me,  “  I  should 
not  trouble  myself ;  that  I  had  served  Him  well,  and  had 
not  offended  Him  in  this  business.”  In  the  mean  time,  He 
told  me,  that  I  should  do  what  my  confessor  commanded  me, 
by  keeping  silence  till  a  fit  time  should  come  to  renew  the 
subject.  After  this  I  became  so  content  and  consoled,  that 
the  afflictions  which  came  upon  me  seemed  to  he  a  mere 
nothing.  Hereby  our  Lord  showed  me,  what  a  very  great 
benefit  it  is  to  endure  troubles  and  persecutions  for  His  sake, 
because  so  much  had  the  love  of  God  increased  in  my  soul, 
as  well  as  other  virtues,  that  I  was  amazed  at  it :  and  this 
is  the  reason  why  I  cannot  help  desiring  afflictions.  In  the 
mean  time,  other  persons  thought  I  was  quite  dejected  with 
what  had  happened,  and  this,  indeed,  would  have  been  the 
case,  had  not  our  Lord  been  pleased  to  honor  me  so  much 
with  such  great  favors.  Then  greater  impetuosities  of  divine 
love,  and  greater  raptures  than  those  I  mentioned  before, 
began  to  happen,  though  I  did  not  mention  them  to  any  one, 
nor  the  profit  I  derived  from  them. 

In  the  mean  time,  that  holy  Dominican*  continued  to 
believe  for  certain  the  business  would  succeed,  and  I  believed 
the  same  also  :  but  I  made  no  account  of  this,  because  I  was 
resolved  to  obey  my  confessor.  The  Dominican  and  my 
companion  arranged  matters  together,  and  wrote  to  Borne 
about  the  affair,  and  made  their  offers.  Here  the  devil 
began  to  make  it  known,  one  person  talking  about  these 
things  to  another,  that  I  had  had  some  revelation  on  the 
matter.  Upon  this,  some  came  to  me,  in  a  great  deal  of  fear, 
to  tell  me  "  I  had  better  look  well  to  myself  j  that  the  days 
were  evil,  and  that,  perhaps,  men  might  lay  things  to  my 
charge,  and  complain  even  to  the  Inquisitors.”  These  fears 
made  me  laugh,  because  in  this  matter  I  never  had  any  fears, 
because  I  knew  well,  that  in  all  things  relating  to  the  Catholic 
faith,  even  to  the  least  ceremony  of  the  Churph,  or  for  the 
truth  of  any  doctrine  in  the  Holy  Scripture,  I  was  ready  to 

♦His  name  was  Pedro  Ibanez.  (See  vol.  vii.  of  the  Bollandists,  p. 
183,  <fcc.) 

26 


302 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


die  a  thousand  deaths.  I  therefore  desired  those  persons  not 
to  fear  for  me,  and  that  my  soul  would  indeed  be  in  a  miser¬ 
able  condition,  if  anything  could  be  found  in  her  to  make  her 
afraid  of  the  Inquisition ;  and  that,  if  I  thought  there  were 
any  grounds  to  fear,  I  myself  would  be  the  first  to  go  before 
the  Inquisitors  ;  and  that  if  any  charge  were  brought  against 
me,  our  Lord  would  deliver  me  from  it,  and  I  should  be  the 

gainer  thereby.  . 

I  spoke  on  this  matter  with  the  Dominican  Father,  who, 
as  I  have  said,  was  so  learned  a  man,  that  I  could  confidently 
rely  upon  whatever  he  said.  And  on  this  occasion  I  told 
him,  with  all  the  clearness  I  could,  of  all  the  visions  I  had 
received,  and  of  the  kind  of  prayer  I  used,  and  of  the  great 
favors  which  our  Lord  had  been  -  pleased  to  show  me,  and  I 
begged  of  him  to  consider  well  all  these  things,  and  to  let 
me  know  if  they  were  in  any  way  against  Holy  Scripture, 
and  that  he  would  give  me  his  opinion  thereon.  This  he  did, 
and  so  he  made  me  very  secure  in  my  mind )  and  I  also 
thought  he  himself  derived  some  advantage  from  this  matter  ; 
for  though  he  was  before  very  holy,  yet,  from  that  time  he 
gave  himself  more  to  prayer,  and  entered  into  a  monastery 
of  his  own  Order,  which  was  a  place  of  great  solitude  and 
silence,  in  order  that  he  might  exercise  himself  better  m 
prayer.  There  he  remained  about  two  years,  and  then  he 
was  removed  by  obedience,  much  to  his  sorrow.  But  his 
Superiors  stood  in  need  of  such  a  man,  and  I  was  much 
grieved  myself  when  he  left  me,  because  I  wanted  such  a 
person,  though  I  knew  he  would  be  the  gainer.  While  I  was 
in  trouble  about  his  departure,  Our  Lord  told  me  “  to  be 
comforted,”  for  he  went  for  some  good  purpose.  And,  in¬ 
deed,  he  returned  afterwards,  with  his  soul  so  much  improved 
in  spiritual  matters,  that  he  himself  told  me,  at  his  return, 
he  w7ould  not  for  anything  in  the  world  have  neglected 
making  the  journey.  I  also  might  say  the  same  thing,  be¬ 
cause,  as  he  formerly  comforted  and  consoled  me  only  by  his 
letters,  he  was  now  able  to  do  the  same,  by  the  great  ex¬ 
perience  he  had  acquired  in  supernatural  things.  Our  Hold 
was  also  pleased  to  bring  him  back  at  the  time  when  His 
Majesty  saw  we  stood  in  need  of  him,  to  assist  His  work  concern¬ 
ing  this  monastery,  which  it  was  His  will  should  be  established. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  303 

In  the  meantime,  I  remained  silent  on  this  matter  for  five 
or  six  months,  neither  hearing  or  saying  anything ;  nor  did 
our  Lord  command  me  to  do  anything,  and  I  did  not  know 
the  reason  thereof ;  but  still  I  could  not  help  thinking  that 
the  business  would  be  accomplished  sooner  or  later.  About 
the  end  of  this  period,  the  rector  of  the  college,  who  be¬ 
longed  to  the  Society  of  Jesus,  being  removed  from  this 
place,  His  Majesty  brought  another*  to  succeed  him,  who 
was  a  very  spiritual  man,  and  of  great  courage,  understand¬ 
ing,  and  learning :  he  came  at  the  time  when  I  was  in  much 
need  of  help,  because,  as  my  confessor  had  a  Superior  over 
him,  this  virtue  was  practiced  to  perfection,  viz.,  not  to  re¬ 
move  from  any  place  but  only  in  conformity  to  the  will  of 
their  Superior  ;  and,  though  he  clearly  understood  the  state 
of  my  soul,  and  desired  I  might  advance  more  and  more,  yet 
he  dared  not,  in  some  things,  come  to  any  fixed  determina¬ 
tion,  for  many  reasons  which  he  had ;  while,  on  the  other 
hand,  my  soul  had  such  great  impetuosities,  that  I  found  it 
very  troublesome  to  be  tied  down  so  much  :  still  I  resolved 
not  to  swerve  from  his  commands. 

Being  one  day  in  great  affliction,  because  I  thought  my 
confessor  did  not  believe  me,  our  Lord  told  me  u  not  to  be 
troubled  thereat,”  assuring  me  that  all  my  troubles  would 
soon  be  at  an  end.  At  these  words  I  rejoiced,  thinking  I 
should  soon  die,  and  I  felt  great  pleasure  when  I  remem¬ 
bered  this.  But  I  clearly  perceived  afterwards,  that  these 
words  related  to  the  coming  of  this  new  rector,  of  whom  I 
have  spoken,  because  never  afterwards  did  I  experience  any 
pain  on  account  of  this  rector,  for  he  was  not  opposed  to  the 
sub-rector,  who  was  my  confessor  ;  but  rather  he  told  him  to 
console  me,  and  assure  me,  “  there  was  no  reason  for  me  to 
fear ;  and  that  he  would  not  conduct  my  soul  by  such  strait 
and  narrow  ways,  and  with  such  restrictions,  but  would  allow 
the  Spirit  of  God  to  work  freely  in  me.” 

Sometimes  it  seemed,  by  reason  of  these  great  impetuosi¬ 
ties,  that  my  soul  had  scarcely  room  to  breathe.  I  went  to 
visit  this  rector,  and  my  confessor  commanded  me  to  speak 
to  him  with  all  candor  and  clearness  :  I  felt,  however,  the 


*  His  name  was  Gaspar  de  Salazar. 


304 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


greatest  difficulty  in  doing  so.  But  it  is  quite  true,  that  on 
my  entrance  into  the  Confessional,  I  felt  in  my  soul  I  know 
not  what,  and  neither  before  nor  after  do  I  remember  ever 
to  have  experienced  the  like  •.  T  cannot  tell  how  it  was,  nor 
can  I  explain  it  by  any  kind  of  comparison,  because  it  was  a 
spiritual  joy  and  an  understanding  which  my  soul  had,  that 
the  soul  of  this  man  would  be  able  to  understand  me,  and 
that  his  judgment  and  mine  would  agree,  although  (as  I  have 
said)  I  knew  not  how  this  would  be.  If  I  had  spoken  with 
him  before,  or  if  others  had  told  me  something  great  about 
him,  it  would  not  have  been  very  surprising  if  I  rejoiced 
when  I  heard  that  he  was  to  hear  me.  But  neither  of  us 
had  ever  spoken  to  each  other,  nor  had  any  one  ever  given 
me  any  account  of  him  :  but  since  that  time  I  have  clearly 
seen,  that  my  soul  did  not  deceive  me,  because,  by  speaking 
with  him,  I  have  derived  great  advantage  in  every  way, 
because  his  method  of  conversation  is  very  important  for 
those  persons  whom  our  Lord  seems  to  advance  (in  the  road 
of  perfection),  for  He  makes  them  run ,  and  not  walk  step 
by  step.  His  method  is  entirely  to  disengage  them  fiom  all 
creatures,  and  to  exercise  them  by  mortifications ;  and  in 
this  respect  our  Lord  has  given  him  very  great  talents,  as 
well  as  in  many  other  things.  As  soon  as  I  began  to  speak 
with  him  on  my  affairs,  I  immediately  understood  his  method, 
and  saw  I  had  found  a  holy  and  pure  soul,  and  that  our 
Lord  had  given  him  a  particular  talent  in  trying  spirits.  He 
consoled  me  exceedingly.  Soon  after  I  had  spoken  to  him, 
our  Lord  began  to  press  me  to  resume  the  business  of  the 
monastery,  and  that  I  should  declare  both  to  my  confessor 
and  to  this  rector,  the  many  reasons  why  they  were  not  to 
oppose  my  design  :  some  of  these  reasons  made  them  quite 
afraid  to  oppose  me,  because  this  Father  rector  never  doubted 
but  that  all  was  directed  by  the  Spirit  of  God,  since  he  beheld 
and  considered  with  great  care  and  attention  all  the  effects. 

At  last,  after  much  consideration,  they  durst  not  presume 
to  oppose  me ;  and  my  confessor  again  gave  me  leave  to  use 
all  my  endeavors :  and  yet  I  clearly  foresaw  what  trouble 
the  undertaking  would  give  me,  because  I  was  quite  alone, 
and  had  very  little  power  to  do  anything.  But  we  agreed 
the  matter  should  be  carried  on  with  great  secrecy,  and 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  805 

therefore  I  prevailed  on  a  sister  of  mine,  who  lived  elsewhere, 
to  buy  the  house  with  money,  which  our  Lord  found  means, 
by  certain  ways,  to  give  me  in  order  to  purchase  it.  But  it 
would  be  too  long  to  mention  how  our  Lord  continued  to 
provide  for  us,  for  I  made  it  a  point  not  to  do  anything 
against  obedience.  I  knew,  however,  that  if  I  told  anything 
to  my  Superiors,  the  whole  business  would  be  undone,  as  it 
happened  before ,  and  if  I  should  mention  the  subject  now, 
things  would  he  even  much  worse.  In  procuring  money  to 
make  the  bargain  and  fit  up  the  house,  I  endured  many 
troubles,  and  some  of  them  all  alone,  though  my  companion 
did  what  she  could.  But  this  was  little,  so  very  little,  that 
it  was  next  to  nothing ;  all  she  did  was  to  lend  her  name  to 
the  undertaking,  and  to  patronize  it ;  all  the  rest  of  the 
trouble  was  mine,  and  it  came  upon  me  in  so  many  ways, 
that  I  now  wonder  how  I  was  able  to  endure  it.  Sometimes, 
when  I  was  thus  in  affliction,  I  said  :  “  0  my  Lord  !  why  do 
you  command  things  which  appear  impossible  ?  Though  I 
am  a  woman,  yet,  if  I  had  liberty,  something  might  perhaps 
be  done ;  but  being  bound  in  all  directions,  without  money 
and  without  knowing  where  to  get  any,  to  pay  either  for  the 
brief,  or  for  anything  else,  what  can  I  do,  0  Lord  ?” 

Being  one  day  in  great  want,  and  not  knowing  what  to  do, 
and  not  being  able  to  pay  the  workmen,  St.  Joseph,  my  true 
father  and  patron,  appeared  to  me,  and  told  me,  “  That  I 
should  not  fail  to  make  the  agreement,  and  that  I  should  not 
want  for  money.”  Accordingly,  I  made  the  bargain  without 
having  any  money,  but  afterwards  our  Lord  provided  some 
by  such  wonderful  ways,  that  they  who  heard  them  were 
amazed. 

But  now  the  house  seemed  to  be  too  small ;  and,  indeed, 
it  was  so  to  such  a  degree,  that  it  appeared  impossible  ever 
to  make  it  a  monastery,  and  I  had  a  good  mind  to  buy 
another  house  ;  but  I  had  no  money,  nor  means  to  procure 
any  :  there  was  another  very  small  house  near  it,  whereof  a 
church*  might  be  made.  But  one  day,  after  I  had  commu¬ 
nicated,  our  Lord  spoke  thus  to  me  :  “  I  have  already  told  you 
to  enter  how  you  can.”  And  in  the  manner  of  exclamation, 

*  That  is,  a  small  chapel  for  the  nuns. 


26* 


306 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

He  also  said  to  me:  “Oh!  the  covetousness  of  mankind r. 
why  are  you  afraid  of  wanting  a  little  earth  1  How  often 
did  I  sleep  in  the  open  air,  not  knowing  where  to  lay  my 
head  !”  These  words  terrified  me,  for  I  saw  our  Lord  had 
reason  for  what  Ho  said  ;  and  so  I  went  to  the  little  house, 
and  bargained  for  it.  Hut  X  found,  that  though  it  was  so 
very  small,  it  was  fit  for  such  a  monastery,  and  X  thought  no 
more  about  purchasing  a  larger  place :  but  I  endeavored  to 
prepare  this  house  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  it  habitable, 
though  everything  was  rough  and  coarse.  All  I  aimed  at 
was, ^h at  it  might  not  be  injurious  to  our  health,  and  so  it 
shall  ever  remain. 

Upon  the  Feast  of  St.  Clare,  when  I  was  about  to  com- 
municaet,  she  appeared  to  me  in  great  beauty,  and  told  me 
“to  be  of  good  courage,  and  to  go  on  with  the  work  I  had 
commenced,  and  that  she  would  assist  me.  Her  words 
proved  true,  for  a  monastery  of  religious,  belonging  to  her 
Order,  which  is  near  this  house,  helps  to  support  us;  and 
what  is  still  more,  she  has  by  little  and  little  brought  my 
desire  to  snob  perfection,  that  the  very  same  poverty  which 
that  blessed  saint  established  in  her  house  is  also  practiced 
in  this  belonging  to  us,  and  we  live  on  alms.  This,  however, 
cost  me  a  great  deal  of  trouble,  in  getting  the  point  so  con¬ 
firmed  by  the  authority  of  the  Pope,  that  no  innovation 
might  be  made  afterwards,  nor  the  house  ever  have  any 
revenue.  And  now  our  Lord  does  even  more  than  what  I 
have  mentioned— (and  perhaps  this  favor  may  have  happened 
through  the  intercession  of  this  blessed  saint),  for  His 
Majesty  provides  us  with  all  things  necessary,  in  the  most 
abundant  manner,  without  our  asking  any  one.  May  He  be 

blessed  for  all  things.  Amen.  ^ 

Being  one  day,  about  this  time,*  in  a  certain  monastery 
belonging  to  the  Order  of  the  glorious  St.  Dominic,  I  was 
considering  the  many  sins  of  my  former  life  (which  I  had 
confessed  in  that  house),  and  the  events  of  my  wicked  way 
of  living,  when  suddenly  there  came  so  great  a  rapture  upon 
me,  that  it  took  me  almost  out  of  myself.  I  sat  down  ;  and 
yet  it  seemed  to  me  I  was  not  able  either  to  hear  Mass,  or 


*  This  was  about  the  year  1561. 


307 


LIFE  OF  ST. TERESA. 

* 

even  to  see  the  Elevation,  for  which  I  afterwards  had  some 
scruple.  While  I  was  in  this  state,  I  appeared  to  be  clothed 
with  a  garment  of  great  whiteness  and  brightness,  and  at 
first,  I  could  not  tell  who  clothed  me;  but  afterwards  I  saw 
our  Lady  on  the  right  hand,  and  my  father,  St.  Joseph,  on 
the  left,  who  clothed  me  with  this  robe.  I  was  then  given 
to  understand  that  I  was  now  cleansed  from  my  sins.  When 
I  was  thus  clothed,  and  full  of  the  greatest  joy  and  glory, 
our  Lady  immediately  took  hold  of  me  by  the  hands,  and 
told  me,  “  that  seeing  me  devoted  to  the  glorious  St.  Joseph 
gave  her  much  pleasure  ;  that  our  Lord,  and  she  herself,  and 
St.  Joseph,  would  be  devoutly  served  in  the  monastery; 
that  I  should  have  no  fear  about  this  decree  being  changed, 
though  the  obedience  placed  upon  me  might  not  be  agreeable 
to  ni}r  inclinations,  because  they  themselves  would  protect 
us  ;  that  her  Son  had  already  promised  He  would  remain 
with  us.”  As  a  proof  that  all  her  words  would  come  true, 
she  cast  a  very  beautiful  chain  of  gold  around  my  neck,  with 
a  cross  of  great  value  attached  to  it.  But  this  gold  and 
these  precious  stones  are  so  very  different  from  those  of  this 
world,  that  no  comparison  whatever  can  be  made  between 
them,  nor  can  we  possibly  imagine  what  their  beauty  was. 
Neither  can  our  understanding  know  of  what  the  garment 
was  male,  nor  can  it  form  any  idea  of  its  whiteness ;  for  all 
the  whiteness  we  see  in  this  world  is  like  soot  in  comparison. 
The  beauty  I  saw  in  our  Blessed  Lady  was  beyond  descrip¬ 
tion,  though  I  could  not  determine  the  form  nor  figure  of  any 
particular  part.  I  could  only  discern  the  form  of  her  coun¬ 
tenance  :  she  was  clad  in  white,  and  surrounded  with  exces¬ 
sive  splendor,  yet  this  was  sweet  and  not  dazzling.  I  did 
not  see  the  glorious  St.  Joseph  so  clearly,  though  I  knew 
well  he  was  present,  as  in  those  visions  which  are  not  seen, 
whereof  1  have  already  spoken.  Our  Lady  seemed  very 
young,  and  she  remained  with  me  only  for  a  short  time,  but 
I  enjoyed  great  pleasure  and  glory  from  the  sight,  more  in 
my  opinion  than  ever  I  had  enjoyed  before  ;  and  glad  would 
I  have  been  never  to  have  been  deprived  of  the  vision.  I 
thought  I  saw  both  of  them  ascend  into  heaven,  attended 
with  a  great  multitude  of  angels ;  in  the  meantime  I  was  left 
quite  alone,  though  so  comforted,  and  transported,  and  recol- 


308 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


lectsd  in  prayer,  that  I  remained  for  some  time  unab/e  either 
to  move  or  speak,  for  I  was  almost  out  of  myself.  I  had 
great  impulses  to  be,  as  it  were,  annihilated  for  God,  and  1 
experienced  some  of  the  effects  thereof ;  and  the  whole  hap¬ 
pened  in  such  a  way  that  I  was  never  able  (though  I  used 
great  endeavors)  to  doubt  but  that  the  vision  came  from 
God. 

The  Queen  of  Angels  left  me  very  full  of  comfort  and 
peace,  by  wdiat  she  said  to  me  concerning  obedience ;  and 
the  case  was  this  :  for  my  part,  I  was  unwilling  to  give  up 
this  house  to  the  Order  ;  and,  indeed,  our  Lord  Himself  told 
me  that  it  was  not  proper  I  should  give  it  to  them  :  He  also 
gave  me  the  reasons  why  it  was  not  proper  at  all,  and  told 
me  to  write  to  Rome  by  a  certain  way,  and  He  assured  me 
He  would  arrange  the  matter  so  that  it  should  be  successful. 
And  so  it  happened  ;  for  the  business  was  despatched  by  the 
very  means  whereof  our  Lord  had  spoken  to  me,  for  we  never 
should  have  been  able  to  manage  it  ourselves.  But  on 
account  of  what  happened  afterwards,  I  saw  it  was  proper 
that  obedience  should  be  shown  to  the  Bishop,  by  submitting 
the  matter  to  him.  Then,  however,  I  did  not  know  him,  nor 
was  I  aware  what  kind  of  prelate  he  was :  but  our  Lord  was 
pleased  he  should  be  so  good,  and  should  favor  this  house  as 
much  as  was  necessary,  in  order  to  oppose  what  happened 
therein,  as  I  shall'  relate  afterwards,  and  to  place  it  in  its 
present  condition.  May  He  be  blessed  for  ever  who  has 
done  all  things  !  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXXIY. 

SHE  MENTIONS  HOW  SHE  WAS  OBLIGED  TO  LEAVE  AVILA,  AND  THE 
REASON  THEREOF,  BEING  COMMANDED  TO  GO  BY  HER  SUPERIOR  TO 
COMFORT  A  LADY  THERE,  WHO  WAS  MUCH  AFFLICTED. 

Notwithstanding  all  the  care  I  took  that  people  might 
not  know  what  we  were  doing,  the  whole  of  this  business 
could  not  be  carried  on  with  such  secrecy,  without  certain 
persons  knowing  something  about  it :  some  believed  it,  and 
others  did  not.  I  was  greatly  afraid,  that  if  the  Provincial 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


309 


should  come,  and  they  happen  to  tell  him  about  it,  he  might 
command  me  to  abandon  the  affair  altogether,  and  then  all 
the  undertaking  would  he  at  an  end.  But  our.  Lord  or¬ 
dained  matters  in  such  a  way  that  in  a  large  city,*  more 
than  twenty  leagues  distant,  there  was  a  certain  lady*j"  in 
deep  affliction  for  the  death  of  her  husband.  She  was  re¬ 
duced  to  such  extremity  of  sorrow  that  her  health  was  en¬ 
dangered  :  she  had  heard  something  of  such  a  miserable 
sinner  as  myself;  for  it  seems  our  Lord  had  so  ordained, 
that  persons  spoke  well  of  me  to  her,  in  order  that  other 
good  effects  might  be  produced,  which  I  shall  mention,  and 
which  followed  from  this  journey.  This  lady  was  well  ac¬ 
quainted  with  the  Provincial,  who,  considering  what  a 
respectable  lady  she  was,  and  that  I  was  in  a  monastery 
which  did  not  keep  enclosure,  our  Lord  gave  Jier  so  great 
a  desire  to  see  me  (thinking  she  would  be  comforted  by  my 
means),  that  she  could  not  possibly  stop  any  longei,  without 
using  all  her  endeavors  to  get  me  there  :  and  so  she  wrote 
to  the  Provincial,  who  was  then  at  a  great  distance.  He 
sent  me  a  command  under  obedience,  that  I  should  immedi¬ 
ately  visit  the  lady,  and  take  a  companion  with  me.  On  the 
night  of  the  Nativity  I  received  the  command  ;  and  it  put 
me  to  some  confusion,  and  gave  me  much  trouble  to  see  they 
were  resolved  to  take  me  away,  as  if  they  saw  some  good  in 
me.  But  knowing  myself  how  wicked  I  was,  I  could  not 
endure  the  thought  of  the  journey ;  and  so,  recommending 
myself  earnestly  to  God,  I  remained  during  all  the  time  of 
Matins,  or  at  least,  during  the  greater  part  of  them,  in  a 
great  rapture.  Our  Lord  then  told  me,  u  that  I  must  not 
fail  to  undertake  the  journey,  and  that  I  was  not  to  listen  to 
the  opinions  of  others,  for  few  would  think  they  could  advise 
me  to  go  without  rashness ;  but  that,  however  painful  the 
journey  might  be  to  me,  yet  He  would  be  greatly  served 
thereby  ;  and  that  it  would  also  be  proper  to  absent  myself 
from  the  monastery  till  the  brief  should  arrive,  because  the 
devil  had  devised  a  great  plot  when  the  Provincial  should 
come,  but  yet  that  I  must  be  afraid  of  nothing,  for  He 
would  assist  me  in  the  business.”  These  words  strengthened 

*  Toledo.  The  journey  was  undertaken  in  January,  1562. 

t  Her  name  was  Louisa  de  la  Cerda.  (See  Bollandists,  vol.  vii.) 


310 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


and  comforted  me  exceedingly,  and  I  mentioned  all  to  the 
rector,  who  told  me  “  that  I  must  go  by  all  means.”  But 
others  said  I  ought  not  to  go,  and  that  it  was  only  a  strata¬ 
gem  of  the  devil,  in  order  that  some  evil  might  happen  to 
me,  and  that  my  best  plan  would  be  to  write  to  the  Provin¬ 
cial.  But  I  obeyed  the  rector  ;  and  considering  also  what 
had  happened  in  prayer,  I  began  my  journey  without  fear, 
but  yet  not  without  extreme  confusion  to  consider  for  what 
object  they  sent  for  me  ;  and  finding  how  much  they  were 
deceived,  it  made  me  importune  our  Lord  the  more  not  to 
forsake  me.  But  I  was  comforted  to  know,  that  in  the 
place  I  was  going  to,  there  was  a  college  belonging  to  the 
Society  ot  Jesus  ;  and,  by  being  obedient  to  all  their  com¬ 
mands,  I  thought  I  should  enjoy  some  security.  When  I 
arrived  there,  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  give  the  lady  so  much 
comfort,  that  an  improvement  in  her  health  immediately  be¬ 
gan  to  be  visible,  for  every  day  she  became  better  and  better. 
This  was  the  more  to  be  prized,  because  (as  I  said  before) 
the  pain  she  had,  kept  her  in  great  trouble.  But  our  Lord, 
no  doubt,  granted  her  ease  on  account  of  the  many  prayers 
which  certain  holy  persons,  whom  I  knew,  made  in  her  be¬ 
half,  in  order  that  everything  might  succeed  well.  She  was 
herself  full  of  the  fear  of  God,  and  so  good  that  her  deep 
piety  supplied  for  what  was  wanting  in  me.  She  conceived 
a  great  affection  for  me  ;  and  seeing  her  goodness,  I  con¬ 
ceived  the  sante  for  her  :  but  still,  all  was  a  cross  to  me,  for 
the  .attention  they  paid  me  was  a  great  torment  to  me ;  and 
making  so  much  of  me  caused  me  to  fear  exceedingly.  My 
soul  was  therefore  so  recollected,  that  I  durst  not  be  careless 
in  any  way,  and  our  Lord  also  was  not  unmindful  of  me  ; 
for  while  I  was  there  He  showed  me  excessive  favors ,  and 
these  gave  me  such  great  liberty  of  soul,  as  to  make  me 
despise,  all  the  esteem  I  received  there,  and  the  more  I  re¬ 
ceived  the  more  I  despised  it,  so  that  I  failed  not  to  treat 
with  those  ladies,  who  were  so  great,  with  as  much  liberty 
as  if  I  had  been  equal  to  them,  though  they  were  of  such 
honorable  Dirth  that  I  might,  without  any  dishonor  to  myself, 
have  been  their  servant.  I  derived  great  advantage  from 
all  this )  and  so  I  told  her.  I  saw  that  she  was  a  woman 
subject  to  weakness  and  passions  like  myself,  and  what  little 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


311 


reason  she  had  to  esteem  her  greatness  and  power,  which,  in 
proportion  as  it  is  great,  brings  after  it  so  much  the  more 
trouble  and  care.  And  they  are  so  careful  to  live  in  a  man¬ 
ner  conformable  to  their  rank,  that  the  trouble  hardly  allows 
them  to  live,  for  they  eat  out  of  the  proper  time,  and  out  .of 
order,  because  everything  must  be  done  in  accordance  with 
their  station,  and  not  with  a  regard  to  their  health  and 
constitution ;  and  sometimes  even  they  must  feed  upon  such 
meats,  that  are  more  agreeable  to  their  greatness  than  to 
their  taste :  and  thus  I  abhorred  the  idea  of  being  a  great 
lady. 

May  God  deliver  me  from  such  a  dangerous  state,  though 
she  of  whom  I  am  speaking  is  one  of  the  principal  ladies  in 
the  kingdom,  and  I  believe  there  are  few  more  humble  or 
more  affable  than  she  is  ;  but  still  I  have  compassion  for  her, 
to  see  how  she  sometimes  acts,  not  in  conformity  with  her 
own  inclination,  but  to  comply  with  the  rules  of  her  state. 
In  servants  there  is  little  trust  to  be  placed ;  and  though 
those  which  she  had  were  good,  yet  she  could  not  speak  more 
confidently  to  one  than  to  another ;  and  if  she  does,  then 
whoever  is  most  favored  by  her  is  sure  to  be  less  beloved  by 
the  others.  This  high  state  is  indeed  a  slavery ,  and  one  of  the 
greatest  lies  which  the  world  tells  is,  when  it  calls  such  persons 
as  these  “  lords  and  ladies.”  To  me  they  seem  to  be  nothing 
more  than  slaves  a  thousand  times  over.  Our  Lord  also  was 
pleased,  while  I  remained  in  this  lady’s  house,  that  the  do¬ 
mestics  should  greatly  improve  in  serving  His  Majesty, 
though  I  was  not  free  from  some  troubles  :  and  some  persons 
even  envied  me,  on  account  of  the  great  affection  which  thjs 
lady  had  for  me.  They  might,  perhaps,  fancy  that  I  had 
some  personal  interest  in  \tfhat  I  did :  and  so  our  Lord  per¬ 
mitted  them  to  give  me  scnne  little  trials,  both  in  this  and 
other  ways,  in  order  to  prevent  me  from  being  intoxicated  by 
the  kindness  and  attention  that  were  paid  to  me  on  the  other 
side.  But  from  all  these  troubles  He  was  pleased  to  deliver 
me,  to  the  great  benefit  of  my  soul. 

•  While  I  was  yet  remaining  there,  a  certain  Religious, 
who  was  a  very  eminent  person,  and  whom  I  had  sometimes 
consulted  many  years  before,  happened  to  come  to  this  place. 
While  I  was  at  Mass  one  day,  in  a  monastery  of  kite  Order, 


312 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


which  was  near  the  place  where  I  resided,  a  desire  cam© 
upon  me  to  know  in  what  disposition  his  soul  then  was,  for  1 
desired  that  he  might  become  a  great  servant  of  God.  I 
rose  up  that  I  might  go  and  speak  to  him  ;  but  being  already 
recollected  in  prayer,  1  thought  afterwards  it  would  be  lost 
time ;  and  besides,  what  had  I  to  do  with  him  1  I  then 
began  to  sit  down  again,  and,  as  far  as  I  remember  now,  I 
did  this  very  same  thing  three  several  times.  At  last,  my 
good  angel  became  stronger  than  the  evil  one,  and  so  I  went 
and  inquired  for  him.  I  began  to  ask  him  many  questions, 
as  he  did  me  also,  because  many  years  had  passed  away  since 
last  we  met,  respecting  the  liv^s  we  led.  I  began  to  tell 
him,  that  as  for  mine,  it  had  been  subject  to  many  afflic¬ 
tions.  When  he  heard  this,  he  pressed  me  to  acquaint  him 
with  those  afflictions;  and  I  replied,  that  it  was  not  fit  to 
know  them,  nor  very  fit  for  me  to  relate  them.  But  he  made 
answer,  that  since  the  Dominican  Father  (of  whom  I  spoke 
before)  knew  them,  he  would  soon  make  him  acquainted  with 
them,  as  they  were  both  great  friends,  and  therefore  that  I 
should  not  feel  any  unwillingness  or  difficulty  in  relating 
them. 

The  truth  is,  he  could  not  refrain  from  importuning  me, 
nor  was  I  able  to  prevent  myself  telling  them  to  him.  For 
with  all  that  trouble  and  shame  which  I  used  to  have  when¬ 
ever  I  spoke  on  these  matters,  yet  when  I  discoursed  about 
them  with  this  man,  and  with  the  rector  (of  whom  I  have 
already  spoken),  I  had  no  trouble  at  all,  but  it  was  rather  a 
comfort  to  me.  I  therefore  explained  my  whole  life  to  him, 
but  under  the  seal  of  confession ;  and  he  appeared  to  me 
more  prudent  than  ever,  though  I  always  considered  him  to 
be  a  man  of  strong  understanding,  and  I  admired  the  great 
talents  and  qualifications  he  had,  which  would  enable  him  to 
do  much  good,  were  he  wholly  and  entirely  to  giv<^  himself 
up  to  God.  This  wish  I  have  had  for  some  years, — that  I 
cannot  see  any  one  who  pleases  me,  but  I  must  instantly 
desire  that  he  might  give  himself  entirely  to  God ;  and  I 
wish  it  so  ardently,  that  sometimes  I  can  hardly  contain 
myself.  And  though  I  desire  all  the  world  might  serve  our 
Lord,  yet  I  desire,  with  great  impulses  and  impetuosity,  that 
those  who  please  me  should  do  it  most,  and  therefore  I  used 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


313 


often  to  importune  our  Lord  in  their  behalf.  As  regards 
the  religious  man  of  whom  I  was  speaking,  he  requested 
me  to  recommend  him  earnestly  to  Almighty  God but  there 
was  not  much  necessity  for  him  to  tell  me  to  do  this,  for  I 
was  already  so  taken  with  him,  that  I  could  not  possibly  do 
otherwise.  And  so  I  went,  quite  alone,  to  the  place  where 
I  was  accustomed  to  pray ;  and  being  then  in  deep  recollec¬ 
tion,  I  began  to  speak  with  our  Lord ;  but  it  was  in  a  man¬ 
ner  so  very  familiar,  that  often  I  knew  not  what  I  was  saying  . 
for  then  it  is  love  which  speaks,  and  the  soul  is  so  disengaged 
from  herself,  that  she  does  not  consider  what  a  difference 
there  is  between  her  and  God.  The  love  which  I  know  His 
Majesty  has  for  me  makes  my  soul  forget  herself ;  for  she 
thinks  she  is  then  in  Him :  and  so,  as  if  both  He  and  she 
were  one  and  the  same  without  distinction,  she  speaks  foolish 
things.  After  I  had  entreated  our  Lord,  with  abundance  of 
tears,  that  the  soul  of  this  religious  might  devote  herself  in 
good  earnest  to  His  service,  I  remembered  having  thus  spoken 
to  our  Lord  :  «  that  though  I  had  him  already  in  reality,  yet 
that  would  not  content  me,  for  I  must  have  hiin  altogether 
and  I  also  said,  “  0  Lord!  do  not  refuse  me  this  favor :  con¬ 
sider  that  this  good  man  is  fit  to  be  numbered  as  our  friend.” 

Oh !  how  great  is  the  goodness  and  kindness  of  God  !  He 
does  not  consider  so  much  our  words  as  the  desires  and  affec¬ 
tions  with  which  they  are  spoken.  But  how  could  He  allow 
such  a  miserable  creature  as  I  am  to  speak  to  Him  with  so 
much  boldness  ?  May  He  be  blessed  for  ever  and  ever !  I 
remember  that  during  those  hours  of  prayer  there  came  upon 
me  that  night  a  great  affliction,  for  I  was  thinking  whether  1 
was  in  favor  with  God;  but  as  I  could  not  tell  whether  I 
was  in  His  favor  or  no,  I  desired  not  so  much  to  know  this 
as  to  die,  rather  than  continue  in  such  a  life,  wherein  I  could 
not  be  sure  whether  I  was  dead  or  no  ;  for  I  could  not  endure 
a  more  cruel  death  than  to  think  I  had  offended  God ;  and 
this  pain  afflicted  me  so  much,  that  even  caressed  as  1  was 
and  dissolved  in  tears,  I  entreated  His  Majesty  not  to  permit 
it  *  and  then  I  came  to  understand  that  I  was  in  a  state  ot 
grace,  because  such  a  love  for  God,  and  my  having  received 
those  favors  and  feelings  from  His  Majesty,  were  not  com¬ 
patible  with  a  soul  in  the  state  of  mortal  sin.  In  the  mean 

27 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


*tfU 

time,  I  began  to  be  confident  that  our  Lord  would  grant 
what  I  bad  asked  for  that  other  person.  He  told  me  to  say 
certain  words  to  him.  But  this  command  troubled  me  much, 
because  I  knew  not  how  to  utter  them;  for  to  carry  a  mes¬ 
sage  to  a  third  person,  in  the  way  I  have  mentioned,  is  what 
always  afflicts  me,  especially  when  I  know  not  how  it  will  be 
received,  or  whether  the  person  will  not  laugh  at  me  for  my 
Dams  This  gave  me  much  trouble  ;  but  I  was  at  last  so  far 
persuaded,  as  to  promise  God  that  I  would  not  neglect  men¬ 
tioning  those  words;  and  on  account  of  the  great  con  fusion 
I  was  in,  I  wrote  them  and  delivered  them  to  him.  Ihis 
action  seemed  to  have  been  inspired  by  God,  by  the  great 
effect  it  produced  ;  for  he  very  seriously  resolved  to  give  him¬ 
self  to  prayer,  though  still  he  did  not  do  it  immediately. 
But  as  our  Lord  wished  to  make  him  wholly  His  own,  tie 
was  pleased  to  declare  certain  truths  to  him  by'my  means, 
which  though  I  did  not  then  understand  myself,  yet  they 
happened  so  opportunely  for  him  that  he  was  amazed  thereat. 
Our  Lord  disposed  him  to  believe  that  they  came  from  His 
Majesty ;  and  I,  on  the  other  hand,  though  so  miserable  a 
creature,  earnestly  besought  our  Lord  that  He  would  per¬ 
fectly  turn  him  to  Himself,  and  make  him  detest  all  the 
pleasures  and  enjoyments  of  this  life;  and  He  has  been 
pleased  to  grant  me  this  favor,  for  which  may  He  be  praised 
forever ;  and  He  did  the  favor  in  so  complete  a  manner, 
that  whenever  this  holy  man  speaks  to  me,  it  makes  me 
almost  go  out  of  myself;  for  had  I  not  seen  it  with  my  own 
eyes,  I  should  have  doubted  whether  in  so  short  a  time  so 
many  favors  could  have  been  bestowed  upon  a  creature  ;  and 
these  keep  him  so  occupied  on  God,  that  already  he  seems 
not  to  live  for  anything  in  this  life.  May  His  Majesty  take 
him  by  the  hand,  for  if  he  should  continue  to  advance  in  this 
way  (as  I  trust  in  our  Lord  he  will) — his  soul  being  so  deeply 
rooted  in  the  knowledge  of  himself,  he  will  become  one  of 
the  most  eminent  of  God’s  servants,  and  will  do  great  good 
to  many  souls,  on  account  of  the  deep  experience  he  has 
acquired,  in  a  short  time,  of  spiritual  things.  These  are 
gifts  which  God  gives  when  and  how  He  likes,  without  any 
respect  either  to  time  or  services.  I  say  not,  but  that  these 
sometimes  avail  much :  still  I  wish  to  say,  that  our  Lord 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


315 


sometimes  gives  not  after  twenty  years  of  contemplation  what 
He  bestows  upon  another  in  one  year.  Our  Lord  knows  the 
reason  of  this.  There  is  also  an  error  which  deceives  us, 
when  it  seems  we  understand  that  by  the  course  of  years, 
which  can,  however,  in  no  way  be  obtained  without  expe¬ 
rience.  And  so  many  err,  as  I  have  said,  in  thinking  they 
are  fit  to  judge  of  spiritual  things,  without  having  any  spirit¬ 
uality  themselves.  I  say  not  but  that  a  learned  man,  even 
should  he  have  no  knowledge  of  spiritual  things,  may  direct 
another  man  who  is  spiritual :  but  this  is  to  be  understood 
both  interiorly  and  exteriorly,  so  far  as  it  may  be  conform¬ 
able  with  his  natural  powers,  by  the  help  of  the  understand¬ 
ing  :  and  as  for  those  things  which  are  supernatural,  a  person 
must  be  careful  to  act  in  conformity  with  Holy  Scripture. 
For  the  rest,  let  him  not  vex  or  harass  himself,  nor  imagine 
he  understands  that  of  which  in  reality  he  knows  nothing; 
nor  should  he  choke  and  stifle  spirits  which,  as  regards  these 
things,  are  governed  by  another  and  a  higher  Lord  :  they  are 
not  without  a  superior  of  their  own. 

Be  not  amazed  at  this,  nor  let  these  things  seem  impossi¬ 
ble  to  you,  for  all  things  are  possible  with  our  Lord  :  but 
endeavor,  to  strengthen  your  faith,  and  to  humble  yourself, 
when  you  see  that  our  Lord  knows  how  to  make  a  poor  igno¬ 
rant  woman  more  wise  perhaps  in  this  science  than  another 
person,  however  learned  he  may  be.  By  means  of  this  humility 
one  will  be  able  to  do  more  good,  both  to  the  souls  of  others 
and  to  himself,  than  if  he  became  a  hermit  without  this  vir¬ 
tue.  I  repeat  again  and  again,  that  if  he  be  not  a  man  of 
experience,  and  have  not  abundance  of  humility  whereby  to 
know  that  he  does  not  understand  the  matter  (and  such  a 
case  is  not  impossible)  then  he  will  gain  but  little  himself, 
and  lie  also  whom  he  guides  will  gain  still  less.  But  if  he 
have  humility,  then  he  need  not  fear  our  Lord  will  ever  per¬ 
mit  that  either  the  one  or  the  other  will  be  deceived. 

But  now  to  return  to  this  Father  of  whom  I  was  speak¬ 
ing:  though  our  Lord  had  given  him  experience  in  many 
things,  yet  he  also  endeavored  to  acquire  all  that  may  be 
obtained  by  study ;  and  whenever  his  own  experience  fails 
ldm,  he  gains  information  by  means  of  those  who  have  more. 
And  here  our  Lord  comes  in  to  his  assistance,  by  giving  him 


316 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


greater  faith  ;  and  thus  he  does  great  good,  both  tor  his  own 
soul  and  to  those  of  others  also :  and  mine  is  among  the 
number :  for  as  our  Lord  knew  the  many  afflictions  I  should 
have  to  endure,  it  seems  His  Majesty  so  provided,  that  as 
some  of  them  would  be  brought  upon  me  by  those  who 
directed  me,  there  might  be  others  likewise  to  help  me  in 
these  trials,  and  to  do  me  great  good.  Our  Lord  has  so 
completely  changed  this  Religious,  that,  so  to  speak,  he  is  not 
like  the  man  he  was  before.  He  has  also  given  him  great 
corporal  strength  to  do  penance,  which  before  was  impossi¬ 
ble  to  him,  for  he  was  always  unwell.  But  now  he  is  full 
of  courage  to  do  everything  that  is  good ;  and  lie  has  li  e- 
wise  a  variety  of  other  good  qualities,  which  make  it  quite 
clear  that  his  vocation  came  in  a  very  especial  manner  from 
our  Lord.  May  He  be  blessed  forever !  I  believe  that  all 
the  good  he  has  received  has  come  from  the  favors  our  Lord 
bestowed  upon  him  in  prayer ;  and  these  are  no  ar  1  cia 
things,  for  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  to  give  him  experience 
of  them  in  many  cases ;  and  he  has  given  proofs  that  he 
is  one,  who  understands  very  well  the  value  of  that  merit 
which  is  acquired  by  patiently  bearing  persecutions.  1  trust 
in  the  greatness  of  our  Lord,  that  some  persons  of  his 
“  Order”  will  gain  great  benefit  by  his  means,  and  even  the 
whole  of  the  Order  itself.  This  already  begins  to  be  under¬ 
stood  :  I  have  seen  wonderful  visions,  and  our  Lord  has  told 
me  some  particulars  relating  both  to  him  and  the  rector  of 
the  college  belonging  to  the  Society  of  Jesus  :  and  these  par¬ 
ticulars  are  deserving  of  great  admiration.  1  lieard  otheJ 
things  of  two  more  religious  men,  belonging  to  the  Order  ot 
St.  Dominic ;  but  of  one  especially,  of  whose  advancement 
in  spiritual  matters  our  Lord  has  already  manifested  some 
proofs  to  the  world.  I  had  also  formerly  heard  of  him;  but 
many  things  are  related  of  him  of  whom  I  was  speaking 

before  :  one  of  these  I  will  now  relate. 

I  was  once  with  him  in  the  Locutory  of  the  monastery, 
and  so  great  was  the  love  which  my  soul  understood  was 
burning  'in  his,  that  I  was  almost  absorbed  by  it  ;  for  I  was 
considering  the  greatness  of  Hod,  and  how  in  so  short  a  time 
he  had  raised  a  soul  to  such  an  admirable  state.  He  puts 
me  to  great  confusion,  when  I  hear  him  listen  with  such  eep 


llFE  OF  ST  .  TERESA. 


317 


humility  to  what  I  sometimes  say  to  him  about  prayer  5  and 
I  can  say  but  little  to  such  a  person  as  he  was.  But  our 
Lord  was  pleased  to  bear  with  me,  through  the  earnest 
desire  I  had  to  see  him  a  great  proficient  in  prayer.  And  it 
did  me  so  much  good  to  be  with  him,  that  he  seemed  to 
inflame  my  soul  with  new  fire,  and  with  new  desires  to  serve 
our  Lord,  just  as  if  I  had  then  to  begin  over  again.  0  my 
Jesus  !  what  cannot  a  soul  do,  when  she  is  all  inflamed  with 
Thy  love !  We  ought  to  esteem  such  a  soul  very  much,  and 
beseech  our  Lord  to  allow  her  to  remain  in  this  life  *  whoever 
has  the  same  kind  of  love  should  follow  such  souls  as  far  as 

possible.  , 

It  is  a  great  comfort  to  a  sick  man  to  find  another  afflicted 

with  the  same  disease,  for  it  is  a  consolation  for  him  to  see 
that  he  is  not  alone  :  they  help  one  another  :  both  to  suffer 
and  to  merit.  They  unite  together  like  men,  determined  to 
risk  a  thousand  lives  for  the  cause  of  God,  and  they  desire 
no  other  happiness  than  to  meet  with  some  opportunity  of 
offering  themselves  in  sacrifice  for  His  service.  They  are  li^n 
brave  soldiers,  who,  in  order  to  gain  the  spoils  of  their 
enemy,  and  so  become  rich,  desire  that  there  may  still  <oe 
wars,  because  they  know  well  there  is  no  other  means  whereby 
to  better  themselves.  To  labor  is  their  occupation  ;  and  oh  ! 
what  an  admirable  thing  it  is,  when  our  Lord  gives  us  light 
to  know  how  much  is  gained  by  suffering  for  Him!  This 
truth  is  not  well  understood,  till  everything  be  given  up, 
because  whoever  keeps  anything  for  himself,  proves  that  he 
esteems  it  worth  something.  And  if  he  esteem  it  worth  some¬ 
thing,  he  cannot  help  being  sorry  at  leaving  it.  But  here 
all  is  quite  lost,  and  the  proverb  comes  in  well  which  says, 
<c  that  he  is  a  lost  man  who  goes  after  that  which  is  lost.” 
And  what  greater  perdition,  blindness,  and  misfortune,  than 
to  esteem  that  highly  which  in  itself  is  nothing  V9 

To  return  now  to  what  I  was  saying.  Being  excessively 
delighted  at  beholding  that  soul,  in  which  I  thought  our 
Lord  wished  me  clearly  to  see  the  treasures  He  had  placed 
in  her  :  and  considering  the  favor  He  had  done  me,  in  hav¬ 
ing  made  me  the  means  of  its  being  effected,  though  I  knew 
I  was  unworthy  of  such  a  favor,  I  valued  the  more  the 
favors  our  Lord  had  bestowed  upon  him,  and  considered  1 

27* 


318 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


was  more  a  debtor  for  them  than  if  they  had  been  conferred 
on  myself;  and  I  praised  our  Lord  exceedingly,  because  I 
saw  that  His  Majesty  still  continued  to  accomplish  my  desires, 
and  to  hear  my  prayers,  in  which  I  begged  of  Him  to  excite 
the  spirit  of  such  persons.  In  the  mean  time,  my  soul,  unable 
to  bear  such  excessive  joy,  went  out  of  herself,  and  lost  her¬ 
self,  in  order  to  gain  more.  She  lost  these  present  considera¬ 
tions,  and  the  hearing  of  that  divine  tongue  in  which  the 
Holy  Spirit  seemed  to  speak,  and  there  came  on  me  a  great 
rapture,  which  made  me  in  a  manner  lose  my  senses,  though 
it  lasted  but  a  short  time.  I  saw  Christ  in  very  gieat 
majesty  and  glory,  showing  that  He  was  exceedingly  well 
pleased  with  what  passed  there.  And  so  He  told  me ;  and 
He  wished  me  clearly  to  know  that  He  is  always  present  at 
such  conferences,  and  is  extremely  delighted  when  men  love 
to  speak  of  Him. 

At  another  time,  being  far  from  this,  place,  I  saw  this 
Religious  carried  on  high  by  angels  with  great  glory.  I 
understood  by  this  vision,  that  his  soul  was  making  great 
progress..  And  so  she  was,  for  he  was  slandered  with  a 
horrible  crime  by  a  person  whom  he  had  formerly  obliged, 
and  whose  soul  and  reputation  he  had  greatly  benefited. 
This  affliction  he  endured  with  admirable  patience,  and  he 
did  many  other  things  which  promoted  God’s  honor,  besides 
suffering  other  persecutions. 

I  need  not,  I  think,  relate  any  more  here,  as  your  Rever¬ 
ence  knows  them  already ;  but,  if  you  think  otherwise,  they 
may  afterwards  be  related  for  our  Lord’s  greater  glory.  All 
the  predictions  respecting  this  monastery  which  I  have 
already  mentioned,  and  others  which  I  shall  afterwards  re¬ 
late  about  it,  and  several  other  matters,  all  have  been  fulfilled. 
Some  were  told  me  three  years  before  they  were  known: 
others  sooner,  and  some  later,  as  our  Lord  related  them  to 
me.  I  always  mentioned  them  to  my  confessor,  and  to  this 
widow,  who  was  my  friend,  with  wThom  I  had  liberty  to  talk 
freely  *  and  she  (as  I  learnt  afterwards)  discovered  them  to 
others,  who  know  that  I  do  not  lie  :  this  our  Lord  never 
allowed  me  to  do  in  anything,  and  much  less  in  matters  so 
important,  for  I  always  spoke  the  whole  truth.  A  cousin  of 
mine  dying  suddenly,  I  was  exceedingly  troubled,  because  he 


319 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TEBESA. 

had  no  time  to  confess.  I  was  told  in  prayer  that  my  sister 
should  die  in  this  way,  and  therefore  that  I  was  to  go  to  her,  and 
exhort  her  to  prepare  for  death.  This  I  told  to  my  con¬ 
fessor,  and  as  he  did  not  give  me  leave  to  go,  our  Lord 
mentioned  the  matter  to  me  several  other  times  ;  and  when 
I  acquainted  my  confessor  with  this,  he  bade_  me  go,  for 
there  was  no  harm  in  doing  so.  She  lived  in  a  certain 
village  ;  and  I  came  there  without  saying  any  thing  to  her  at 
first,  or  telling  her  the  reason  at  once.  But  I  proceeded  by 
little  and  little,  and  gave  her  what  light  I  could  in  every¬ 
thing.  I  persuaded  her  to  confess  often,  and,  above  all  things, 
to  take  care  of  her  soul.  As  she  was  very  pious  she  did  so. 
Having  continued  in  this  way  for  four  or  five  years  after¬ 
wards,  and  taken  very  great  care  of  her  conscience,  she  died 
without  seeing  any  one,  or  being  able  to  make  her  confession. 
It  fortunately  happened,  that  she  had  been  to  confession! >n  y 
a  week  before.  I  was  exceedingly  glad  when  I  heard  of  lie 
death;  she  was  a  very  short  time  in  purgatory  :  it  was  no  , 
I  think,  quite  eight  days  after,  when  one  morning  after  1  had 
communicated,  our  Lord  appeared  to  me,  and  I  saw  H 
conduct  her  to  glory.  During  all  those  years,  up  to  the  ve  y 
moment  of  her  death,  I  never  forgot  what  had  been  said 
me,  nor  did  my  companion,  who,  upon  the  unexpected  news 
of  her  death,  came  to  me  quite  amazed,  to  see  how  punctually 
the  words  were  fulfilled  which  our  Lord  had  spoken  to  me. 
May  He  be  blessed  forever,  who  takes  such  care  ot  sou  s, 
that  they  may  not  perish !  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXXV. 

the  saint  continues  the  history  oe  the  foundation  or  ST. 

Joseph’s  monastery,  etc. 

Haying  now  lived  with  the  above-mentioned  lady  more 
than  half  a  year,  our  Lord  so  ordered  things,  that  a  devout 
nun  of  our  Order  (Maria  de  Jesu)  came  to  hear  ot  me, 
though  she  was  more  than  seventy  leagues  from  this  place. 
She  happened,  however,  to  be  traveling  this  way,  anc  un¬ 
derstanding  that  I  was  here,  she  went  some  miles  out  of  her 


320 


LITE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


road  in  order  to  see  me.  Our  Lord  inspired  her  the  same 
year  and  month  that  He  had  moved  me,  to  erect  another 
monastery  of  our  Order :  through  this  desire,  she  sold  all 
sho  had,  and  went  to  Rome  barefoot,  in  order  to  obtain  leave. 
She  is  a  woman  of  great  penance  and  prayer,  and  our  Lord 
had  bestowed  upon  her  many  favors :  our  Blessed  Lady  also 
appeared  to  her,  and  bade  her  execute  her  design.  She  so 
surpassed  me  in  serving  our  Lord,  that  I  was  ashamed  to 
appear  before  her.  She  showed  me  the  despatches  she  brought 
from  Rome ;  -  and,  during  the  fortnight  that  we  lived  together, 
we  arranged  how  we  should  have  these  monasteries  built. 
Till  I  had  consulted  with  her,  I  never  knew  that  our  rule, 
before  it  was  mitigated,  forbade  our  having  property.  I 
was  unwilling  to  found  the  house  without  revenue,  because 
my  intention  was,  not  to  harass  ourselves  with  the  care  of 
providing  what  was  necessary  for  our  support,  not  reflecting 
on  the  many  cares  property  brings  along  with  it.  But  as  our 
Lord  taught  this  blessed  woman,  she  knew  well,  though  not 
able  to  read,  what  I,  with  all  the  study  of  our  constitutions, 
was  yet  ignorant  of.  When  she  told  me  this  I  was  glad, 
though  I  was  afraid  the  Superiors  would  not  consent  thereto, 
hut  that  they  would  say,  “  I  attempted  extravagant  things, 
and  should  not  undertake  matters  for  which  others  might 
suffer  on  my  account.”  Had  it  concerned  myself  only, 
nothing  would  have  withheld  me  from  founding  the  house  in 
poverty  j  rather  did  I  feel  great  pleasure  in  thinking  that 
I  was  to  observe  the  counsels  of  Christ  our  Lord,  because 
His  Majesty  had  already  given  me  strong  desires  of  poverty. 

Thus,  for  my  own  part,  I  made  no  doubt  but  that  it  was 
for  the  best,  for  long  before  1  had  wished  this  might  be  the 
case  suitable  to  my  state,  to  go  begging  for  the  love  of  God, 
and  to  have  nothing,  neither  house  nor  anything  else.  But 
I  was  afraid,  that  if  our  Lord  did  not  give  the  same  desires 
to  others,  they  might,  perhaps,  be  discontented;  and  also  I 
was  afraid  lest  it  might  be  a  cause  of  some  distraction,  for 
I  saw  some  poor  monasteries  not  very  recollected,  not  con¬ 
sidering  that  their  poverty  came  from  want  of  recollection, 
and  not  their  want  of  recollection  from  their  poverty. 
Solicitude  makes  not  Religious  the  richer,  and  God  is  never 
wanting  to  those  who  truly  serve  Him.  In  a  word,  my  faith 


LIFE  OF  si?.  TERESA.  321 

was  weak,  but  not  so  that  of  this  servant  of  God.  Though 
I  asked  the  opinions  of  many  on  this  matter,  yet  hardly  any 
one  was  for  this  project,  neither  confessors  nor  the  learned 
whom  I  consulted.  They  gave  so  many  reasons  against  it, 
that  I  knew  not  what  to  do  :  for  when  I  understood  that  the 
rule  enjoined  it,  and  that  it  tended  to  promote  greater  per¬ 
fection,  I  could  not  be  persuaded  to  admit  revenues.  And 
though  I  sometimes  found  myself  convinced  by  their  reasons, 
yet,  when  I  afterwards  returned  to  my  prayers,  and  beheld 
Christ  so  very  poor  and  naked,  I  could  not  have  the  patience 
to  be  rich:  and  so  I  begged  of  our  Lord,  with  tears,  that 
He  would  so  arrange  things  that  I  might  see  myself  poor 
as  He  was.  I  found  so  many  inconveniences  in  having 
revenues,  and  I  saw  so  many  troubles  and  distractions  would 
arise  from  them,  that  I  did  nothing  but  dispute  with  the 
learned.  I  wrote  to  that  Dominican  Father  who  had  assisted 
us,  and  he  sent  me  in  writing  two  leaves  of  objections  and 
theological  reasons  against  the  project,  assuring  me  he 
had  deeply  studied  the  matter.  I  answered,  that  I  would  not 
follow  that  theology  which  forbade  me  following  my  vocation, 
and  my  vow  of  poverty,  and  the  counsels  of  our  Saviour,  in 
all  perfection  5  nor  did  I  wish  that  he  would  assist  me,  in 
this  point,  with  his  learning.  If  I  met  with  any  one  who 
took  my  part,  or  was  of  the  same  mind  as  myself,  I  rejoiced 
greatly.  The  lady  with  whom  I  lived  assisted  me  in  this 
matter  very  much.  Some  told  me,  at  first,  they  liked  the 
project  very  well  5  but,  considering  the  matter  afterwai  ds 
more  carefully,  they  found  so  many  difficulties  in  it,  that 
they  labored  all  they  could  to  dissuade  me  from  it.  My 
answer  was,  that  since  they  had  changed  their  mind  so  sud¬ 
denly,  I  was  resolved  to  follow  the  opinion  they  gave  fiist. 

About  this  time  it  happened,  that  as  this  lady  had  never 
seen  the  holy  man,  Peter  of  Alcantara,  our  Lord  was  pleased, 
through  my  entreaties,  to  bring  him  to  her  house.  And  as 
he  was  a  true  lover  of  poverty,  having  observed  it  for  many 
years,  he  knew  well  what  great  riches  were  to  be  found 
therein  }  and,  accordingly,  he  was  of  great  assistance  to  me, 
and  he  commanded  me,  on  no  account,  to  desist  from  my 
design.  Thus,  with  his  opinion  and  approbation,  being  one 
who  could  much  better  than  others  deliver  his  judgment,  on 


822 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


account  of  his  long  experience,  I  resolved  to  proceed  no 
further  in  consulting  others. 

Being  one  day  in  prayer,  earnestly  recommending  this 
matter  to  God,  our  Lord  said  to  me,  “  By  no  means  neglect 
to  found  the  house  in  poverty,  and  this  is  the  will  of  my 
Father  as  well  as  mine  ;  I  will  assist  you.”  These  words 
were  said  in  a  rapture,  and  with  such  effect,  that  I  could  not 
possibly  doubt  of  their  coming  from  God.  Another  time 
He  told  me,  “  That  in  having  revenues  I  should  have  con¬ 
fusion,”  with  several  other  things  in  praise  of  poverty, 
assuring  me,  that  whoever  should  serve  Him,  should  not 
want  necessaries  ;  and  of  this  want  (as  I  said),  for.  my  part, 

I  was  never  afraid.  Our  Lord  also  changed  the  mind  of  the 
Belio-ious,  the  Dominican,  who  had  formerly  written  to  me 
against  founding  the  house  without  revenue.  I  was  now  ex¬ 
ceeding  v  delighted  at  having  heard  this  from  our  Lord,  and 
having3 had  the  opinions  of  other  persons;  and  hence  by  re¬ 
solving  to  live  upon  alms,  I  thought  I  already  enjoyed 
all  the  wealth  in  the  world. 

At  this  time  my  Provincial  released  me  from  the  obedience 
he  had  put  me  under,  of  living  in  that  lady’s. house,  leaving 
it  to  my  choice,  either  to  go  or  to  stay,  as  I  liked  best,  until 
the  time  came  for  the  election  of  a  prioress  in  my  monastery. 
I  was  informed  that  many  intended  to  give  me  this  office,  the 
mere  thought  of  which  so  afflicted  me,  that  I  resolved  to  en¬ 
dure  any  torment  for  God’s  sake  with  joy  .;  but  no  one.  could 
in  any  way  prevail  on  me  to  accept  this  dignity ;  for,  in  ad¬ 
dition  to  the  trouble,  which  was  great,  because  the  nuns 
were  numerous,  together  with  other  motives,  I  never  loved 
to  be  in  office,  but  always  refused  it,  thinking  it  would  be 
very  dangerous  to  my  conscience,  so  that  I  thanked  God  1 
was  not  there.  I  wrote  to  my  friends,  begging  of  them  not 
to  vote  for  me. 

Being  very  pleased  on  seeing  myself  out  of  this  noise,  our 
Lord  said  to  me,  “  Do  not  neglect,,  on  any  account,  to  go  ; 
and  since  you  desire  a  cross,  there  is  a  good  heavy  one  pre¬ 
pared  for  you  :  do  not  refuse  it,  for  I  will  support  you  :  go 
immediately.”  These  words  afflicted  me  extiemely.  an 
did  nothing  but  weep,  because  I  thought  the  “  cross  ’  was 
to  be  elected  superioress ;  and  this  I  could  not  persuade  my- 


LIFE  OF  S  T  .  TERESA. 


323 


self  would  be  good  for  my  soul  in  any  way,  and  I  knew  not 
how  T  could  avoid  it.  I  mentioned  the  matter  to  my  con¬ 
fessor,  who  commanded  me  to  depart  immediately,  for  it  was 
clearly  greater  perfection ;  but,  because  the  heat  of  e 
weather  was  then  excessive,  he  allowed  me  to  remain  a  few 
days  longer,  lest  the  journey  might  injure  me,  for  it  was 
sufficient  if  I  arrived  in  time  for  the  election.  But  our 
Lord  having  ordered  things  otherwise,  I  wished  to  obey  His 
command  instantly,  for  I  was  so  extremely  disturbed  that  I 
could  not  pray  ;  and  I  thought  I  was  wanting  in  obedience 
to  our  Lord’s  commands  ,  and  by  being  treated  there  kindly, 
and  made  much  of,  I  was  unwilling  to  go  away,  and  expose 
myself  to  suffering.  All  I  gave  to  God  was  but  words  ;  and 
since  I  could  live  where  there  was  greater  perfection,  why 
did  I  neglect  it?  If  I  died  on  the  way,  be  it  so;  lo  this 
was  added  a  heaviness  of  soul,  and  being  deprived  by  our 
Lord  of  all  pleasure  in  prayer.  In  a  word,  I  was  in  such  a 
state,  that  to  stay  was  such  a  torment  to  me,  that  1  begged 
of  the  lady  to  allow  me  to  depart,  because  my  confessor, 
seeing  me  in  this  state,  had  already  told  me  to  go,  God  haying 
moved  him  as  He  had  me.  She  felt  my  intended  departure 
so  much,  that  this  proved  another  affliction  for  .me,  foi  she 
said  “  it  had  cost  me  much  trouble,  and  many  importunate 
requests,  to  prevail  on  the  Provincial  to  allow  me  to  come 

here.”  , 

I  considered  it  very  extraordinary  that  she  consented,  on 

account  of  the  grief  she  felt;  but,  as  she  feared  God,  and 
as  I  told  her  my  departure  would  tend  greatly  to  the  Divine 
honor,  besides  giving  her  many  other  reasons,  and  holding 
out  some  hopes  that  she  would  see  me  again,  she  consented 
with  much  difficulty.  As  for  myself,  I  now  felt  no  sorrow  at 
all  about  my  departure,  because  when  I  understand  that 
anything  tends  to  promote  greater  perfection,  and  to  give 
greater  glory  to  God,  I  am  contented ;  and  the  joy  oun 
in  pleasing  Him,  took  away  the  grief  I  felt  in  leaving  this 
lady  I  who  I  perceived  regretted  my  departure  exceedingly), 
and  in  leaving  others  also,  and  especially  my  confessor,  who 
belonged  to  the  Society  of  Jesus,  and  with  whom  I  was  much 
pleased.  But  the  more  I  perceived  that  I  lost  these  consola¬ 
tions  for  God,  the  more  I  was  pleased  at  losing  them.  I 


324 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


could  not  understand  how  this  could  be,  for  I  clearly  per¬ 
ceived  these  two  contraries,  viz.,  to  delight  and  console  my¬ 
self,  and  to  rejoice  in  that  which  grieved  me  to  my  very 
soul ;  for  here  I  lived  in  ease  and  comfort,  and  had  an  oppor¬ 
tunity  of  spending  many  hours  in  prayer.  But,  on  the 
other  hand,  I  saw  I  was  about  to  cast  myself  into  a  fire,  our 
Lord  having  already  signified  this  to  me,  by  telling  me  I  was 
to  endure  a  heavy  cross  (though  I  never  thought  it  would 
prove  so  heavy,  as  afterwards  I  found  it) ;  and  yet,  in  spite 
of  all  these  things,  I  departed  cheerfully,  and  was,  as  it  were, 
out  of  myself,  because  I  could  not  commence  the  battle  im¬ 
mediately  ;  and  since  it  was  our  Lord’s  pleasure  I  should, 
His  Majesty  gave  strength  to  my  weakness. 

As  1  have  already  remarked,  I  oould  not  understand  how 
this  would  happen ;  I  thought  of  this  comparison.  If  I  had 
in  my  possession  a  jewel,  or  something  which  gave  me  great 
pleasure,  and  should  happen  to  know  that  one  whom  I  loved 
more  than  myself  wished  to  have  it,  whose  pleasure  I  pre¬ 
ferred  to  my  own,  it  would  certainly  give  me  more  satisfac¬ 
tion  to  he  without  that  jewel  than  to  keep  it,  because  thereby 
I  should  please  the  person  whom  I  loved  so  tenderly  ;  and, 
as  this  desire  of  pleasing  him  would  exceed  my  own  pleasure 
in  possessing  it,  so  likewise  it  would  remove  the  sorrow  I 
might  feel  in  parting  with  that  jewel,  or  anything  else  I 
loved,  and  the  pleasure  I  took  therein.  Hence,  though  I 
did  not  wish  to  go,  on  account  of  the  opportunity  I  enjoyed 
in  that  lady’s  house  for  my  prayers,  and  through  my  leaving 
persons  who  I  saw  felt  my  departure  so  much,  which  (as  I  am 
naturally  very  grateful)  would  at  another  time  have  served 
to  afflict  me  deeply  ;  yet  now,  even  if  I  wished,  I  could  not 
be  sorry. 

Not  to  delay  my  journey  a  day  longer  was  so  important 
to  the  business  of  this  blessed  house,  that  I  know  not  how  it 
could  possibly  have  been  concluded,  had  I  then  delayed. 
Oh  !  the  immense  greatness  of  God  1  Often  am  I  astonished 
when  I  observe,  how  particularly  His  Majesty  was  pleased 
to  help  me  in  founding 'this  little  chamber  of  God  (for  such 
I  believe  it  to  be),  and  this  lodging  in  which  His  Majesty 
delights  ;  for,  being  once  in  prayer,  He  told  me,  Ci  that  this 
house  was  the  paradise  of  His  delight ;  ”  and  so  it  seems  His 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  825 

Majesty  has  chosen  those  souls  whom  He  has  conducted  there, 
and  in  whose  company  1  live  with  great  confusion  to  myself; 
because  I  myself  could  not  have  known  how  to  desire  such 
persons  for  this  purpose, — persons  of  such  austerity,  poverty, 
and  prayer,  who  suffer  everything  with  such  pleasure  and 
joy,  that  every  one  considers  herself  unworthy  of  being 
admitted  to  such  a  place,  and  especially  some  whom  our  Lord 
has  drawn  there  from  out  the  vanities  and  pleasures  of  the 
world,  wherein  they  might  have  lived  contentedly,  according 
to  its  laws  and  customs.  And  our  Lord  has  here  so  doubled 
their  joys,  that  they  clearly  see  how,  even  in  this  life,  they 
have  gained  a  hundred-fold  for  one  which  they  left,  and 
therefore  they  are  never  weary  with  giving  thanks  to  His 
Majesty.  Others  our  Lord  has  changed  from  good  to  better. 
To  the  young  He  has  given  courage  and  understanding,  in 
order  not  to  desire  anything  else,  and  to  know,  that  even 
here  below,  if  they  wish  to  live  in  quiet,  they  must  separate 
themselves  from  all  worldly  pleasures.  To  those  who  are 
older  and  infirm,  He  gives  strength  (as  He  has  given  before) 
to  enable  them  to  endure  the  same  penance  and  austerities 
as  the  others  do. 

0  my  Lord !  how  does  Thy  power  appear !  we  need  not 
seek  out  reasons  for  what  Thou  wishest  to  happen,  since  Thou 
makest  things  so  possible  beyond  all  human  calculation,  that 
Thou  makest  us  understand  nothing  more  is  required,  but 
only  to  love  Thee  sincerely,  and  to  forsake  everything  in  good 
earnest  for  Thy  sake,  that  so  Thou,  0  my  Lord!  mayest 
make  everything  easy  for  us.  Here  one  may  say,  that  Thou 
wishest  to  intimate  there  is  some  difficulty  in  observing  Thy 
law,  since  I  see  none,  O  Lord !  nor  do  I  understand  how  the 
road  which  leads  to  Thee  is  strait.  I  find  it  a  royal  road,  and 
not  a  narrow  path ;  a  road  along  which  he  who  walks  in  good 
earnest,  walks  the  more  securely.  Those  who  avoid  the  occa¬ 
sions  of  sin,  are  far  removed  from  narrow  passes,  and  are  in 
no  danger  of  falling  from  rocks.  That  I  call  a  narrow  path, 
and  a  bad  one,  which  on  one  side  has  a  very  deep  valley, 
down  which  one  may  easily  slide ;  and  on  the  other,  a  steep 
precipice,  down  which  the  careless  fall,  and  are  dashed  to 
pieces  He  that  loves  Thee,  0  my  eternal  God !  walks 
securely  along  a  broad  and  royal  road,  far  from  precipices ; 

28 


326 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


he  stumbles  not,  when  Thou,  0  Lord '  extendest  Thy  hand 
to  him.  If,  however,  he  should  sometimes  fall,  yet,  such 
falls  will  not  ruin  him  if  he  love  Thee,  and  not  the  things  of 
this  world. 

If  men  walk  along  the  valley  of  humility,  I  cannot  under¬ 
stand  why  they  are  so  afraid  of  putting  themselves  in  the 
way  of  perfection.  May  our  Lord  grant  us  in  His  goodness 
to  understand,  what  a  poor  security  it  is  to  be  in  the  midst 
of  so  many  manifest  dangers,  as  are  to  be  met  with  by  fol¬ 
lowing  the  maxim  and  opinions  of  the  world  ,  and  that  true 
security  consists  in  endeavoring  to  advance  still  further  in 
the  way  of  God.  Let  us  fix  our  eyes  upon  Him,  and  fear 
not  lest  this  Sun  of  Justice  should  set,  or  leave  us  wander¬ 
ing  by  night  ■.  we  shall  not  be  lost,  if  we  do  not  first  abandon 
Him.  Men  fear  not  to  go  among  lions,  every  one  of  which 
seems  as  if  it  would  tear  them  in  pieces :  I  mean  honors, 
pleasures,  and  delights,  for  so  the  world  calls  them  ;  but 
here,  the  devil  makes  us  afraid  of  little  mice.  A  thousand 
times  am  I  astonished  at  this  ;  and  ten  thousand  times  would 
I  be  satisfied  with  weeping  and  proclaiming  aloud  my  great 
blindness  and  wickedness,  in  order  to  try  if  I  could  bo  of 
any  use  in  making  others  open  their  eyes  a  little.  May  He 
open  them,  who  can  do  so,  in  His  goodness,  and  may  He 
never  allow  mine  to  grow  blind  again !  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXXVI. 

THE  SAINT,  CONTINUING  THE  SAME  SUBJECT,  INFORMS  US  HOW  THB 
MONASTERY  OF  ST.  JOSEPH  WAS  AT  LAST  FOUNDED. 

Having  now  left  that  city  (Toledo),  I  went  on  my  journey 
very  cheerfully,  being  resolved  most  willingly  to  suffer  what¬ 
ever  our  Lord  might  be  pleased  to  send  me.  The  same 
evening  that  I  arrived  here,  there  came  the  letters  and  brief 
from  Rome  for  the  erection  of  the  monastery,  so  that  both  I 
and  all  those  who  knew  how  much  our  Lord  hastened  my 
coming,  were  astonished  when  they  understood  how  necessary 
my  presence  was,  at  that  very  conjuncture,  when  our  Lord 
brought  me  to  this  place,  because  here  I  found  the  Bishop, 


327 


LIFE  OP  ST.  TERESA. 

and  that  holy  man  Peter  of  Alcantara,  and  that  other  gen¬ 
tleman,  a  great  servant  of  God,  at  whose  house  this  holy 
man  lodged;  for  he  was  a  person  with  whom  the  servants  of 
God  were  accustomed  to  be  entertained  hospitably  and  cour¬ 
teously.  These  two  prevailed  upon  the  Bishop  to  admit  the 
monastery;  and  this  was  no  small  favor,  considering  the 
house  was  to  have  no  revenue.  But  he  was  so  great  a  fuend 
to  all  those  who  he  saw  were  determined  to  serve  God,  that 
he  soon  consented  to  the  proposal.  That  holy  old  man, 
Peter  of  Alcantara,  approved  of  it,  and  did  all  he  could, 
sometimes  with  one  and  sometimes  with  another,  to  promote 
it,  and  to  induce  them  to  assist  us.  Had  I  not  come  at  this 
particular  time,  as  I  have  said,  I  cannot  imagine  how  the 
business  could  have  been  effected,  for  this  holy  man  re¬ 
mained  her  but  a  short  time  (not  more,  I  think,  than  eight 
days,  and  during  that  time  he  was  very  ill),  and  soon  after 
our  Lord  took  him  to  Himself.  It  seems  our  Lord  had  pre¬ 
served  him  till  he  had  finished  this  businessj  for  it  was  a  long 
times  since  he  had  been  dll,  I  think  more  than  two  years. 

Everything  was  done  with  the  greatest  secrecy ;  for  had 
not  this  been  the  case,  nothing  could  have  been  accomplished, 
for  the  people  disliked  the  undertaking  exceedingly,  as  was 
afterwards  seen.  Our  Lord  so  disposed  things, That  a  rela¬ 
tion  of  mine  fell  ill,  he  being  from  home  at  the  time  ;  and  so 
dangerously  ill  was  he,  that  leave  was  given  me  to  go  and 
take  care  of  him :  and  on  this  occasion  nothing  transpired, 
though  some  persons  had  a  little  suspicion  of  the  affair,  but 
they  had  no  certainty  of  it.  It  was  wonderful  to  see  that 
he  lay  no  longer  ill  than  was  necessary  for  the  business ;  and 
when  it  was  requisite  he  should  recover  (in  order  that  I 
might  be  disengaged,  and  the  house  be  empty),  our  Lord 
suddenlv  restored  him  to  health,  so  that  he  himself  wondered 
at  the  circumstance.  I  had  great  trouble  in  endeavoring  to 
persuade  sometimes  one,  and  sometimes  another,  to  admit  the 
monastery ;  and  also  with  the  person  who  had  been  ill,  and 
with  the  workmen, ^lo  induce  them  to  make  haste,  and  clear 
the  house,  and  finish  it  as  soon  as  possible,  that  so  we  might 
have  at  least  the  form  and  appearance  of  a  monastery,  for  a 
great  deal  was  yet  wanting  to  complete  it..  My  companion, 
the  widow,  was  not  here  (for  we  thought  it  best  for  her  to 


328 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

keep  away,  in  order  to  disguise  the  matter  the  better)  •  and 
I  saw  clearly  that  a  great  deal  depended  on  despatch,  and 
this  for  many  reasons  :  one  was,  that  every  hour  I  was  afraid 
I  should  be  commanded  to  return  to  the  monastery  of  the 
Incarnation.  The  troubles  I  endured  here  were  so  numerous, 
that  they  made  me  think  this  was  the  cross  mentioned 
by  our  Lord,  though  it  seemed  to  me  a  very  light  one  in 
comparison  with  that  heavy  cross,  which  our  Lord  told  me  I 
was  to  bear. 

Everything  being  now  prepared,  our  Lord  was  pleased 
that  on  the  feast  of  St.  Bartholomew,  some  ladies  took  the 
habit,  and  the  most  Blessed  Sacrament  was  then  placed 
there  :  and  thus,  with  full  license  and  authority,  this  monas¬ 
tery  of  our  most  glorious  Father  St.  Joseph  was  established 
in  the  year  1562.  I  was  present  to  give  them  the  habit, 
together  with  two  other  nuns  from  the  monastery  of  the  In¬ 
carnation.  Now  as  this  house  (converted  into  a  monastery) 
was  the  same  that  my  relation  dwelt  in  ;  for,  as  I  have  men¬ 
tioned,  he  purchased  it  in  order  the  better  to  conceal  the 
real  object,  I  had  leave  to  live  in  it :  and  I  did  nothing  but 
by  the  advice  of  the  learned,  in  order  not  in  any  point  to 
offend  against  obedience ;  and  these  persons  seeing  that,  on 
many  grounds,  the  monastery  tended  to  the  reputation  and 
advantage  of  the  whole  Order,  told  me  I  might  proceed  in 
the  business,  though  I  acted  with  great  secrecy  and  caution, 
in  order  that  my  Superiors  might  know  nothing  of  the  mat¬ 
ter  ;  and  rather  than  commit  the  slightest  imperfection  they 
might  discover  in  me,  I  would  have  given  up  a  thousand 
monasteries,  much  more  one;  this  is  very  certain.  For 
though  I  was  desirous  to  separate  myself  from  every  one, 
and  to  follow  my  profession  and  vocation  with  the  greatest 
perfection  and  enclosure,  yet  I  desired  this  in  such  a  way, 
that  whenever  I  understood  it  wTould  tend  more  to  God’s 
honor  to  abandon  all  this,  I  would  have  done  it  with  tran¬ 
quillity  and  cheerfulness,  as  I  did  before.  I  seemed  then  to 
be,  as  it  were,  in  a  kind  of  glory,  to  seethe  most  Holy  Sa¬ 
crament  on  the  altar,  and  shelter  given  to  four  poor  orphans 
(for  they  were  admitted  without  dowry),  who  were  great 
servants  of  God  ;  for  it  was  intended  at  the  beginning  that 
such  persons  should  be  taken  in  who  by  their  example  might 


32& 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

prove  a  foundation .  to  the  new  edifice  ;  and  that  we  might 
attain  our  object  of  high  perfection  and  prayer,  by  which  a 
work  would  be  effected  that  would,  I  was  confident,  contri¬ 
bute  to  the  glory  of  our  Lord,  and  to  the  honor  of  the  habit 
of  our  glorious  Mother  ;  for  this  was  my  sole  desire.  Be¬ 
sides,  it  gave  me  great  consolation  to  behold  that  effected 
which  our  Lord  had  so  strictly  commanded  me  to  do,  and  to 
see  one  more  Church  in  this  place,  under  the  title  of  my 
glorious  father  St.  Joseph,  than  had  been  before.  Not  that  I 
seemed  to  have  done  anything  in  this  business  myself,  for  I 
never  had,  nor  have  I  now  any  such  thought,  for  I  always 
knew  it  was  our  Lord  who  did  everything.  And  what  little 
I  had  done  was  attended  with  so  many  imperfections,  that  I 
find  I  rather  deserved  to  be  blamed  than  to  be  praised.  But 
it  was  a  great  pleasure  to  see  that  His  Majesty  had  made  use 
of  me,  though  so  very  wicked,  to  be  the  instrument  for  so 
noble  a  work ;  and  I  was  so  transported  thereat,  that  I  was, 
as  it  were,  out  of  myself  in  profound  prayer. 

When  all  this  was  finished,  I  think  it  was  some  three  or 
four  hours  afterwards,  that  the  devil  made  an  attack  upon 
me  in  the  following  manner.  He  represented  to  me  that 
what  I  had  done  had  perhaps  been  ill  done,  and  suggested 
whether  I  did  not  act  contrary  to  obedience  by  attempting 
to  found  the  monastery,  without  a  command  from  the  Father 
Provincial — (for  I  imagined  he  might  take  some  offence  at 
my  subjecting  it  to  the  Bishop  before  I  had  acquainted  him, 
although  as  the  Provincial  was  unwilling  to  admit  the  monas¬ 
tery,  I  thought  he  would  not  care  much).  The  devil  also 
suggested  to  me,  whether  those  sisters  who  lived  here  in 
such  austerity  would  be  contented ;  whether  they  might  not 
sometimes  want  victuals  ;  whether  it  were  not  foolishness  for 
any  one  to  put  such  an  idea  into  my  mind:  had  I  not  a 
monastery  of  my  own  ?  In  a  word,  the  command  our  Lord 
had  given  me,  the  many  opinions  of  others  whom  I  consulted, 
the  prayers  I  offered  up  without  ceasing  almost  for  two 
years, — all  had  now  escaped  my  memory  as  completely  as  if 
I  had  never  entertained  such  things.  I  only  remember  it 
was  my  fancy.  All  virtues,  and  even  faith  itself,  seemed 
then  to  be  suspended  in  me,  without  having  the  power  to 
exercise  one  of  them,  or  to  defend  myself  from  his  blows. 

28* 


330  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

The  devil  also  represented  to  me,  that  as  I  wished  to  keep 
enclosure  in  so  strict  a  house,  and  was  afflicted  with  so  many 
infirmities,  how  should  I  be  able  to  endure  such  penance, 
and  to  leave  a  house  so  spacious  and  delightful,  and  where  i 
lived  so  contentedly,  and  had  so  many  friends  ^  That  per- 
haps  the  sisters  would  not  be  to  my  liking;  that  I  bound 
myself  to  too  much  ;  that  possibly  I  might  fall  into  despair ; 
and  that  perhaps  the  devil  instigated  me  thereto,  to  deprive  me 
of  my  peace  and  quiet,  and  thus  I  should  be  unable  to  con¬ 
tinue  my  prayer,  being  so  disturbed,  and  might  in  the  end 
lose  my  soul.  Thoughts  of  this  nature  the  devil  represented 
to  me  altogether,  so  that  I  had  no  power  to  think  of  any¬ 
thing  else ;  and  this  was  accompanied  with  such  affliction, 
obscurity,  and  darkness  in  my  soul,  that  I  cannot  express  it. 

Seeing  myself  in  this  state,  I  went  to  visit  the  most  Blessed 
Sacrament,  though  I  was  unable  to  recommend  myself  to  our 
Lord,  being  in  sueh  agony,  as  if  I  were  in  the  agonies  of 
death.  To  mention  my  state  to  any  one  I  dared  not,  because 

I  had  not  a  confessor  appointed  for  me. 

0  my  God !  what  a  miserable  life  is  this,  in  which  there  is 
no  secure  contentment,  nor  anything  without  change !  A 
very  short  time  before  I  was  so  happy,  that  I  thought  I  would 
not  have  exchanged  my  happiness  with  any  one  on  earth ; 
and  immediately  the  same  thing  which  had  caused  such  hap¬ 
piness  tormented  me  in  such  a  way  that  I  knew  not  what  to 
do.  Oh !  did  we  carefully  observe  the  events  of  our  life, 
every  one  would  see  by  experience  how  little  we  ought  to 

esteem  cither  its  joys  or  its  sorrows. 

This  certainly  seems  to  me  to  have  been  one  of  the  sharpest 
attacks  I  ever  had  to  endure  during  my  whole  life  :  it  appears 
as  if  my  soul  had  a  presentiment  of  all  I  was  to  endure, 
though  had  it  lasted  it  would  not  have  amounted  to  so  much 
as  this.  But  our  Lord  did  not  abandon  His  poor  servant  in 
her  sufferings,  for  He  always  supported  me  in  every  tribula¬ 
tion  ;  and  so  He  did  in  this,  for  He  gave  me  a  little  light  to 
understand  those  thoughts  came  from  the.  devil,  and  that  he 
suggested  all  these  to  terrify  me  with  his  lies.  Then  I  began 
to  remember  the  strong  resolutions  I  had  made  of  serving 
our  Lord,  and  the  desires  I  had  of  suffering  for  His  sake ; 
and  I  considered  that,  if  I  intended  to  execute  them,  I  must 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


331 

Lot  seek  after  ease  ;  that  if  I  met  with  troubles  there  would 
be  merit  too ;  and  that  if  I  bore  them  to  honor  God,  they 
might  serve  instead  of  Purgatory.  What  was  I  afraid  oH 
If  I  desired  crosses,  these  were  good  heavy  ones ;  and  the 
more  opposition,  so  much  the  more  gain ;  and  why  did  I  want 
courage  to.  serve  one  to  whom  I  was  so  much  indebted'? 
With  these  and  other  considerations,  doing  violence  to  my¬ 
self,  I  promised  before  the  most  Holy  Sacrament  to  do  my 
utmost  to  obtain  leave  to  come  and  dwell  in  this  house ;  and 
in  case  I  could  do  so  with  a  good  conscience,  to  vow  per¬ 
petual  enclosure.  As  I  was  forming  these  resolutions  the 
devil  immediately  vanished,  and  left  me  quiet  and  content, 
and  so  I  have  continued  ever  since.  All  that  is  observed  in 
this  house  respecting  enclosure,  penance,  and  other  matters, 
have  become  extremely  pleasant,  and  are  consideied  to  be 
little  or  nothing  :  the  delight  also  which  we  experience  is  so 
very  great,  that  sometimes  I  think  I  could  not  have  chosen 
in  the  whole  world  anything  sweeter.  This  must  be,  in  some 
measure,  the  reason  why  I  now  have  better  health  than  ever 
I  had ;  or  because  there  were  both  a  reason  and  a  necessity 
why  I  should  do  what  all  the  rest  did,  perhaps  our  Lord  was 
therefore  pleased  to  give  me  this  consolation  to  enable  me  to 
do  it,  though  with  pain  :  and  this  strength  of  mine  all  wonder 
at,  who  know  my  infirmities*.  Blessed  be  He  who  gives  every 
gift,  and  who  can  do  all  things  by  His  power!  , 

I  was  very  weary  and  tired  with  this  combat,  and  I  laughed 
to  myself  at  the  devil,  for  I  saw  clearly  it  came  from  him.  I 
believe  our  Lord  permitted  it  (for  during  twenty-eight  years 
and  more,  since  I  have  worn  the  habit,  I  never  knew,  even 
for  a  moment,  what  sadness  meant),  in  order  that  I  might 
understand  what  a  great  favor  He  had  bestowed  upon  me  in 
this  way,  and  from  what  a  torment  He  had  freed  me ;  and 
also,  that  in  case  I-saw  any  one  else  in  the  like  state,  I  might 
not  wonder,  but  rather  compassionate  her,  and  be  able  to 

console  her.  ,  .  .  .  ,  . 

This  combat  being  now  ended,  and  desiring  to  take  a  little 

rest  after  dinner  (for  all  the  previous  night  I  had  hardly  any 
sleep,  and  during  several  other  nights  I  was  full  of  cares  and 
troubles,  besides  being  tired  from  all  the  troubles  of  the 
preceding  days),  I  was  informed  that  what  had  been  done 


332 


life  op  st.  Teresa. 


♦ 


was  known  in  my  monastery  of  the  Incarnation,  and  also  In 
the  town :  immediately,  for  the  reasons  already  mentioned, 
there  arose  a  great  uproar  and  disturbance,  which  seemed  to 
be,  in  some  measure,  justifiable.  The  Prioress  immediately 
commanded  me  to  come  to  the  monastery  instantly.  When 
I  received  her  message,  I  went  immediately,  leaving  my 
nuns  very  unhappy.  I  saw  I  should  now  meet  with  many 
troubles  :  but  as  the  house  was  already  established,  I  did  not 
trouble  myself  much  about  them.  I  gave  myself  to  prayer, 
beseeching  our  Lord  to  help  me,  and  my  Father  St.  Joseph 
that  he  would  bring  me  back  again  to  his  monastery  ;  and  I 
offered  up  to  him  whatever  I  was  to  suffer.  Being  exceed¬ 
ingly  desirous  of  an  opportunity  of  suffering  something  for 
His  sake,  and  of  being  able  to  serve  Him,  I  went  there 
thinking  they  would  certainly  put  me  into  prison.  This  I 
thought  would  be  a  great  comfort  to  me,  for  there  I  should 
not  speak  to  any  one,  and  would  he  able  to  repose  a  little 
while  in  solitude:  and  this  was  necessary  for  me,  for  by  con¬ 
versing  so  often  with  people,  I  became,  as  it  were,  ground 
to  the  dust. 

As  soon  as  I  arrived,  I  gave  an  account  of  myself  to  the 
Prioress,  who  then  became  somewhat  pacified.  But  they  all 
sent  for  the  Father  Provincial,  and  the  cause  was  to  be  heard 
before  him.  When  he  came,  I  ‘was  summoned  to  appear 
before  him,  and  I  wras  exceedingly  delighted  to  see  myself 
suffer  something  for  the  love  of  our  Lord  ;  for  I  found  that 
I  had  not,  in  this  case,  offended  His  Majesty,  nor  done  any¬ 
thing  against  my  Order,  hut  rather  had  endeavored  to  pro¬ 
mote  its  interest  with  all  my  strength,  and  for  it  I  would 
willingly  have  died  ;  for  it  was  my  sole  desire  that  the  rules 
should  be  observed  with  all  possible  perfection.  I  called  to 
mind  the  sentence  passed  on  Christ,  and  saw  how  little  that 
was  which  I  endured.  The  Provincial-  blamed  me  very 
sharply,  for  I  acknowledged  my  fault  to  him,  as  one  very 
guilty ;  but  he  did  not  blame  me  so  severely  as  the  offence 
deserved,  and  considering  what  so  many  had  told  him.  I 
did  not  wish  to  excuse  myself,  because  I  was  resolved  to 
suffer;  but  I  desired  he  would  rather  pardon  and  punish 
me  than  entertain  any  angry  feelings  against  me.  In  some 
things  I  saw  clearly  they  condemned  me  wrongfully  :  for  they 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


333 


said,  I  had  commenced  this  undertaking  to  get  myself  a  name 
and  reputation,  and  so  on.  But  in  other  things  I  was  con¬ 
vinced  that  what'  they  said  was  true  ;  as,  for  instance,  u  that 
I  was  the  worst  of  all  the  nuns ;  that  not  having  observed 
the  rules  used  in  this  house,  how  could  I  think  of  observing 
them  with  greater  strictness  in  another  ?  That  I  gave  scan¬ 
dal  to  the  people,  and  introduced  novelties.”  These  accu¬ 
sations  did  not  give  me  any  trouble  or  pain,  though  I  appeared 
to  be  afflicted,  lest  I  should  seem  to  disregard  what  they  said 
to  me.  At  test,  the  Father  Provincial  commanded  me  to 
declare  there  before  the  nuns,  my  reasons,  and  the  object  of 
my  actions.  As  I  was  recollected  within  myself,  and  our 
Lord  assisted  me,  I  gave  my  reasons  in  such  a  way,  that 
neither  the  Provincial  nor  the  nuns  present  could  find  any 
cause  to  condemn  me.  I  spoke  afterwards  with  the  Father 
Provincial  alone,  and  informed  him  more  in  particular  of  the 
success  of  the  business.  He  was  quite  satisfied,  and  promised 
that,  if  I  could  succeed  in  appeasing  the  city,  he  would  give 
me  leave  to  remove  to  the  new  house,  because  the  tumult  in 
the  place  was  very  great,  as  I  shall  now  relate. 

Two  or  three  days  after,  the  mayor  and  magistrates  of  the 
city,  together  with  some  of  the  chapter,  met  together,  and  all 
declared  they  would  on  no  account  consent  to  the  establish¬ 
ment  of  the  new  house,  because  it  was  a  manifest  injury  to 
the  city  :  that  the  most  Blessed  Sacrament  should  be  taken 
away,  and  that  they  would  not  in  any  way  allow  the  matter 
to  go  further.  They  appointed  several  divines  from  every 
Order  to  give  rtie  their  opinions.  Of  these,  some  were  silent, 
and  others  condemned  the  business,  and  came  to  the  conclu¬ 
sion  that  the  house  should  be  dissolved.  Only  one  Father, 
a  doctor  of  divinity  of  the  Order  of  St.  Dominic  (he  was 
against  us,  not  on  account  of  its  being  a  monastery,  but 
because  it  was  poor),  said,  “  that  there  was  no  necessity  for 
dissolving  the  house  so  suddenly  ;  that  the  subject  ought  to 
be  carefully  considered,  since  there  was  time  enough  for  it ; 
that  this  case  belonged  to  the  Bishop,”  &c.  These  words 
did  a  great  deal  of  good  ;  for,  considering  the  excitement,  it 
was  a  wonder  the  people  did  not  immediately  pull  down  the 
building.  But  it  was  to  be  a  monastery,  because  our  Lord 
was  pleased  it  should  be,  against  whose  will  all  of  them 


334 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


united  together  could  do  but  -little.  They  gave  their  reasons, 
and  showed  great  zeal ;  and  thus,  without  their  offending 
God,  they  made  me  and  all  who  were  favorable  to  the  busi¬ 
ness  (for  some  such  there  were)  suffer  and  endure  great  per¬ 
secutions.  The  tumult  and  excitement  of  the  people  were  so 
great  that  no  one  talked  of  anything  else  ;  and  all  condemned 
me,  running  first  to  the  Provincial  and  then  to  my  monastery. 

I  was  no  more  moved  by  what  they  said  against  me  than  if 
they  said  nothing ;  but  the  fear  lest  the  house  should  be  dis¬ 
solved,  and  seeing  that  those  who  assisted  me  lost  their 
credit,  and  knowing  what  affliction  they  endured,  all  this 
grieved  me  exceedingly.  As  to  what  was  said  about  myself, 

I  was  rather  glad  of  it ;  and  if  I  had  had  a  little  faith,  I 
should  not  have  felt  the  least  alteration.  But  a  falling  off 
in  any  one  virtue,  is  sufficient  to  lay  asleep  all  the  rest. 
During  the  two  days  in  which  the  meetings  were  held  among 
the  people,  I  was  very  much  troubled ;  and  being  exceeding 
sad,  our  Lord  said  to  me,  £<  Dost  thou  not  know  I  am  power¬ 
ful?  What  are  you  afraid  of?”  And  He  assured  me  the 
monastery  should  not  be  dissolved.  These  words  consoled 
me  very  much. 

In  the  mean  time  the  king’s  council  was  informed  of  the 
whole  of  the  proceedings  ;  and  an  order  came  that  an  account 
should  be  drawn  up,  on  our  part,  how  this  monastery  was  to 
be  founded.  Here,  however,  a  great  contest  began  ;  for  on 
the  part  of  the  city  some  had  gone  to  the  court,  and  some 
were  also  obliged  to  go  on  the  part  of  the  monastery .  but 
we  had  no  money,  and  I  knew  not  what  to  do.  Our  Lord 
so  ordered,  that  the  Provincial  never  commanded  me  to 
desist  prosecuting  the  business ;  for  he  is  such  a  friend  to 
any  good  work,  that  though  he  might  not  assist  the  business, 
he  would  not  put  any  obstacle  in  the  way.  And  he  would 
not  grant  me  leave  to  remove  to  the  new  house  till  he  saw 
what  the  result  would  be.  These  servants  of  God  remained 
alone,  and  did  more  by  their  prayers  than  I  did  with  all  my 
labors,  though  I  was  obliged  to  use  my  utmost  endeavors. 
Sometimes  all  seemed  lost,  especially  one  day  before  the 
Father  had  come,  it  happened  that  the  Prioress  commanded 
me  not  to  do  anything  in  this  business,  which  was  in  reality 
to  give  up  everything.  I  went  to  our  Lord  and  said  to  Him, 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


335 


“This  house  is  not  mine,  it  is  established  for  Thee-,  and 
since  there  is  no  one  to  conduct  the  case,  do  Thou  undertake 
it.”  Having  spoken  these  words,  I  felt  as  great  repose,  and 
as  free  from  care,  as  if  I  had  the  world  to  plead  for  me, 
and  I  immediately  considered  the  business  as  completed. 

A  priest  (G-onzalo  de  Aranda),  a  great  servant  of  God  and 
friend  to  every  perfection,  who  had  always  assisted  me,  went 
to  court  to  attend  the  business,  and  was  exceedingly  careful 
to  promote  it;  and  that  devout  gentleman  (Francisco  de 
Salcedo),  whom  I  have  already  mentioned,  labored  exceed¬ 
ingly  in  the  matter,  and  did  all  he  could  to  favor  us ;  not, 
however,  without  suffering  many  troubles  and  persecutions. 

I  always  esteemed  him,  and  do  still  esteem  him  a,s  our  father. 
But  our  Lord  inspired  those  who  assisted  us  with  such  zeal 
and  fervor,  that  each  one  took  up  the  business  as  if  it  had 
been  his  own  in  particular,  and  his  life  and  honor  had  been 
at  stake  therein  ;  being,  however,  no  further  concerned  than 
because  they  thought  it  would  tend  to  the  glory  of  God. 
Our  Lord’s  help  to  a  certain  priest,  whom  I  have  already 
mentioned  (Gaspar  Baza),  one  of  those 'who  was  of  great 
assistance  to  me  in  this  affair,  was _  evidently  seen :  for  in 
another  great  assembly  held  in  the  city,  he  appeared  in  be¬ 
half  of  the  bishop,  and  stood  up  alone  against  every  one,  and 
at  last  appeased  them  by  proposing  certain  expedients,  which 
were  sufficient  to  delay  the  design  of  dissolving  the  house, 
and  to  stop  their  fury.  But  nothing  could  induce  them 
wholly  to  desist ;  for  they  soon  returned  again,  and  seemed 
willing  to  lose  their  lives  if  they  could  dissolve  the  monastery. 
It  was  this  servant  of  God  who  gave  the  nuns  the  habit,  and 
set  up  the  most  Blessed  Sacrament,  for  which  he  endured 
very  great  persecution.  This  opposition  lasted  almost  half 
a  year ;  and  to  relate  all  the  great  afflictions  I  endured  during 
that  time  would  be  too  tedious.  I  was  astonished  to  see 
what  mischief  the  devil  was  able  to  do  against  a  few  poor 
women,  and  how  all  the  people  could  imagine  that  twelve 
women  and  a  prioress  could  be  so  injurious  to  the  city,  for 
they  were  not  to  exceed  that  number  (I  speak  to  those  persons 
who  withstood  -us),  and  these  women,  100,  led  very  austere 
lives.  But  supposing  there  was  some  injury  or  error  therein, 
it  would  all  fall  upon  themselves,  and  the  city  would  not 


336 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


suffer  any  loss :  but  they  fancied  so  many  misfortunes  would 
happen,  that  they  opposed  the  monastery  with  a  good  con¬ 
science.  At  length  the  people  began  to  yield;  and  they 
came  to  the  conclusion,  that  in  case  the  monastery  were  en¬ 
dowed,  they  would  admit  it,  and  be  content  it  should  go  on. 

I  was  now  so  afflicted  with  seeing  the  trouble  of  all  those 
who  assisted  us,  more  than  I  was  with  iny  own,  that  I  thought 
it  would  not  be  wrong  to  receive  revenue  till  the  storm  was 
over,  and  afterwards  I  might  refuse  to  take  any.  And 
sometimes  I  likewise  imagined  (like  a  wicked  and  imperfect 
creature),  it  might  perhaps  be  our  Lord’s  pleasure,  since 
without  this  revenue  we  could  not  carry  on,  and  already  I 
had  consented  to  this  agreement.  The  night  before  it  was 
to  be  concluded,  the  agreement  having  now  commenced,  our 
Lord  said  to  me,  while  I  was  in  prayer,  “  Daughter,  make 
no  such  agreement,  for  if  once  you  begin  to  admit  revenue, 
the  people  will  not  afterwards  allow  you  to  refuse  it adding 
also  other  things. 

The  same  night  there  also  appeared  to  me  the  holy  man 
Peter  of  Alcantara,  who  died  a  slrnrt  time  before,  and  had 
written  to  me  before  his  death,  hearing  of  the  opposition  and 
persecution  we  endured ;  he  said  he  was  glad  the  house  was 
founded  in  the  midst  of  such  great  opposition,  for  it  was  a 
sign  our  Lord  would  be  truly  served  therein  and  honored, 
since  the  devil  labored  so  much  to  hinder  it.  That  I  should 
not  by  any  means  consent  to  have  it  endowed ;  and  two  or 
three  times  he  inculcated  this  point  in  his  letter  with  great 
earnestness,  assuring  me  that  if  I  continued  firm,  all  would 
succeed  as  I  desired.  I  had  already  seen  him  twice  since 
his  death,  and  observed  the  glory  he  was  in ;  and  so  I  was 
not  at  all  frightened,  but  rather  *  rejoiced,  for  he  always 
appeared  like  a  glorified  body,  full  of  glory,  and  it  gave  me 
the  greatest  delight  to  behold  him.  I  remember  that  the 
first  time  I  saw  him,  he  told  me  amongst  other  things,  the 
great  bliss  he  enjoyed,  and  how  happy  his  “penance”  was 
which  he  had  performed  during  life,  whereby  he  had  obtained 
so  high  a  reward.  But  because  X  think  I  have  spoken  in 
another  chapter  on  this  subject,  I  will  say  no  more  here, 
except  that  this  time  he  showed  a  little  severity,  and  only 
told  me  «  by  no  means  to  have  revenue  and  he  asked  me 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


337 


why  I  did  not  take  his  advice  ?  And  immediately  he  vanished, 
leaving  me  greatly  amazed.  The  next  day  I  soon  acquainted 
the  above-named  gentleman  (he  being  the  individual  to  whom 
I  had  recourse  in  everything,  and  who  exerted  himself  in  the 
cause  more  than  any  one  else)  with  what  had  happened,  and 
told  him  not  to  consent  in  any  way  to  admit  revenue,  but  to 
go  on  with  the  suit.  He  was  more  firm  in  the  matter  than 
I  was,  and  glad  I  was.  He  afterwards  told  me  how  unwill¬ 
ing  he  was  to  speak  on  this  agreement. 

Afterwards  there  rose  up  another  person,  an  eminent 
servant  of  G-od ;  and  as  things  were  now  in  a  good  way,  he 
wished  the  matter  might  be  referred  to  the  judgment  of  the 
learned.  And  here  I  found  trouble  enough ;  for  some  of 
those  persons  who  assisted  and  consented  thereto  were  of  the 
same  opinion.  But  this  was  an  artifice  of  the  devil,  more 
deep  and  subtle  than  all  the  rest.  Our  Lord,  however,  helped 
me  in  everything ;  for  it  is  impossible  for  me,  writing  thus 
so  briefly,  fully  to  relate  what  was  endured  during  the  two 
years  from  the  time  the  monastery  began  till  all  was  com¬ 
pleted.  This  last  year  and  the  first  half-year  were  the  most 
troublesome. 

The  city  being  now  somewhat  appeased,  Father  Banez,  the 
Dominican  doctor  who  had  assisted  us,  though  not  present, 
made  haste  to  conie  to  Avila ;  and  our  Lord  brought  him 
there  just  at  the  time  he  was  wanted  ;  and  he  did  us  great 
good,  for  he  told  me  afterwards  he  had  no  reason  or  occasion 
to  come,  but  that  it  was  only  by  chance  he  heard  we  wanted 
him.  He  remained  here  as  long  as  was  necessary.  At  his 
departure,  he  induced  by  certain  means  the  Father  Provin¬ 
cial  to  give  me  leave  to  remove  to  this  monastery  (and  to 
obtain  this  so  soon  seemed  impossible),  and  to  take  some  other 
nuns  with  me,  and  also  to  instruct  those  who  were  already 
there.  The  day  we  entered  was  a  day  of  great  consolation 
to  me.  When  I  was  praying  in  the  church,  before  I  went 
into  the  monastery,  being  as  it  were  in  an  ecstasy,  I  saw 
Christ  our  Lord,  who  I  thought  received  me  with  great  love  ; 
and  He  put  a  crown  upon  my  head,  and  thanked  me  for 
what  I  had  done  for  His  Mother. 

At  another  time,  when  all  the  nuns  were  at  prayer  in  the 
choir,  after  Compline,  I  saw  our  Blessed  Lady  in  very  great 
29 


338 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


glory,  who  seemed  to  be  protecting  us  all  under  a  very  white 
robe,  which  she  had  on.  By  this  I  understood  what  a  high 
degree  of  glory  our  Lord  would  bestow  on  the  religious  of 
this  house.  When  the  Divine  Office  began  to  be  recited,  the 
people  also  began  to  have  a  great  devotion  to  this  monastery. 
More  nuns  wrere  received,  and  our  Lord  began  to  move  those 
who  had  opposed  us  the  juost  to  favor  us  exceedingly,  and  to 
give  us  alms :  so  that  now  they  began  to  like  what  they  had 
so  much  disliked  before ;  and  by  degrees  they  gave  up  all 
contention,  and  acknowledged  that  they  knew  this  work  was 
favored  by  God,  since,  notwithstanding  so  much  opposition, 
His  Majesty  was  pleased  it  should  prosper.  No  one  now 
thinks  it  would  have  been  well  not  to  have  founded  the  mon¬ 
astery,  much  less  to  have  dissolved  it.  And  thus  they  are 
at  present  so  careful  to  provide  us  with  alms,  that  without 
our  asking  any  one  for  them,  our  Lord  moves  them  to  send 
us  relief,  that  so  we  may  live  without  wanting  necessaries : 
and  I  hope  in  our  Lord  it  will  always  be  so :  for  as  the  nuns 
are  but  fewr,  if  they  do  what  they  ought  (as  at  present  His 
Majesty  gives  them  grace  to  do  so),  I  am  sure  they  will 
never  want  anything,  nor  will  there  be  any  necessity  for  them 
to  be  burdensome  to  any  one,  for  our  Lord  will  take  care  of 
them,  as  He  has  hitherto  done. 

It  is  for  me  the  greatest  consolation  to  see  myself  placed 
here  among  souls,  so  disengaged  from  the  things  of  this  world. 
Their  whole  study  is  to  know  how  to  advance  further  in  the 
service  of  God.  Solitude  is  their  delight,  and  the  very  thought 
of  their  seeing  any  one,  even  should  it  be  one  of  their  nearest 
relations,  is  a  great  affliction  to  them,  unless  they  hope  to  be 
able  to  excite  such  persons  to  renewed  love  for  their  spouse. 
Thus  no  one  comes  to  this  house  who  has  not  this  object  in 
view  ;  for  otherwise,  neither  are  they  welcome  to  others,  nor 
others  to  them :  their  language  is  all  about  God,  and  they 
neither  understand  anything  else,  nor  are  they  understood 
except  by  those  who  speak  only  of  Him.  We  observe  the 
rule*  of  our  Lady  of  Mount  Carmel,  and  this  in  all  its  strict- 

*  The  rules  were  drawn  up  by  Albert,  Patriarch  of  Jerusalem,  iu  the 
year  1209.  St.  Teresa’s  Reformation  of  tho  Order  dates  from  the  year 
1562,  when  her  Constitutions  were  drawn  up,  and  approved  by  Pius  IV. 
in  1565. — (See  the  Rules  in  Yepez,  “Vida  de  Santa  Teresa,”  cap.  xi.  lib. 
ii.  p  145.) 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


339 


ness  and  integrity,  as  it  was  confirmed  by  Pope  Innocent 
IV.,  in  the  year  1248,  and  the  fifth  of  his  Pontificate.  Me- 
thinks  that  all  the  troubles  which  have  been  endured  for  the 
monastery  have  been  well  bestowed.  For  though  the  rule  is 
somewhat  rigorous,  because  flesh-meat  is  never  eaten,  except 
in  case  of  necessity,  and  we  fast  eight  months  in  the  year, 
and  observe  other  things,  as  may  be  seen  in  the  primitive 
rule  ;  yet  the  sisters  consider  it  not  to  be  severe  enough,  and 
therefore  they  observe  additional  mortifications,  which  seem 
to  be  necessary  in  order  to  keep  the  rules  with  greater  perfec¬ 
tion.  I  hope  in  our  Lord  that  what  has  begun  will  prosper 
and  increase,  as  His  Majesty  has  promised  me.  The  other 
house  which  that  pious  lady  of  whom  I  spoke  was  instrumental 
in  erecting,  was  likewise  favored  by  our  Lord,  and  was 
founded  in  Alcala,  not  without  strong  opposition,  and  being 
obliged  to  endure  very  great  troubles.  In  it  I  know  that 
our  rule  is  observed  with  all  strictness  and  devotion.  May 
our  Lord  grant  that  all  things  may  tend  to  His  glory  and 
praise,  and  to  that  of  the  glorious  Virgin  Mary,  His  Mother, 
whose  habit  we  wear  !  Amen. 

I  think  your  Reverence  will  be  tired  with  this  long  account 
I  have  given  you  about  our  monastery;  but  it  is  very  short 
in  comparison  with  the  many  afflictions  we  endured,  and  the 
numerous  wonders  our  Lord  wrought  in  its  foundation,  of 
which  there  are  many  witnesses,  who  can  take  their  oath  as 
to  the  truth  of  them.  And  now  I  entreat  your  Reverence, 
for  the  love  of  God,  that  whatever  you  judge  to  be  superflu¬ 
ous  in  this  account  you  will  erase  ;  but  that  you  will  preserve 
in  it  all  that  relates  to  this  monastery  ;  and  after  my  death 
give  it  to  the  sisters  who  may  be  in  the  monastery,  for  it  will 
animate  those  who  come  after  me  to  serve  God,  and  to  endea¬ 
vor  to  prevent  what  has  commenced  from  being  dissolved,  but 
rather  that  the  house  may  go  on  from  good  to  better,  when  they 
see  how  much  our  Lord  has  done  for  it,  in  founding  it  by  means 
of  sujh  a  base  and  wicked  creature  as  myself.  And  since 
our  Lord  has  been  pleased  to  express  His  approval  of  this 
work  in  so  especial  a  manner,  I  think  they  will  do  very  wrong, 
and  will  be  severely  punished,  who  shall  dare  to  attempt  any 
relaxation  of  that  perfection  which  our  Lord  has  established 
here,  and  assisted  in  such  a  way  that  it  is  observed  with  the 


340 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


greatest  pleasure  and  sweetness  :  hence  it  is  evident  that  the 
rule  is  very  tolerable,  and  may  with  great  ease  he  practiced, 
as  there  are  so  many  helps  for  those  who  live  always  well, 
who  desire  alone  to  enjoy  their  spouse,  Jesus  Christ:  and 
this  is  all  that  they  aim  at,  delighting  to  be  in  solitude  alone 
with  Him.  The  sisters  do  not  exceed  thirteen ;  for  I  learnt  from 
the  opinions  of  many  persons  that  this  number  is  sufficient ; 
and  by  experience  I  have  seen,  that  in  order  to  procure  and 
maintain  the  spirit  which  now  exists  in  the  house,  and  to  live 
on  alms  without  being  a  burden  to  any  one,  it  is  requisite 
the  number  should  be  no  more.  And  in  these  matters,  rather 
believe  one  who,  with  so  great  difficulties,  aided  by  the 
prayers  of  so  many  persons,  has  done  that  which  seemed  to 
be  the  best.  The  great  pleasure  and  joy  which  we  all  ex¬ 
perience  during  the  years  we  have  lived  in  this  house,  besides 
the  state  of  our  health,  so  much  better  than  what  we  formerly 
enjoyed, — all  this  clearly  proves  that  the  number  is  the  most 
convenient.  But  whoever  thinks  the  rule  rigorous  or  difficult, 
let  them  blame  their  own  want  of  courage,  and  not  the  rules 
observed  here,  since  even  delicate  and  sickly  persons  bear  all 
things  with  pleasure  and  great  sweetness.  Let  such  persons 
go  to  other  monasteries,  where  the.,  may  secure  their  salva¬ 
tion  in  a  way  agreeable  to  their  own  mind.* 

*  The  remainder  of  the  Saint’s  history  will  be  found  in  the  Book  of  her 
Foundations.  In  the  History  of  the  Foundation  of  Medina  del  Campo, 
she  says  “I  lived  five  years  in  the  monastery  of  St.  Joseph,  at  Avila, 
after  it  was  erected;  and  these  now  seem  to  me  to  have  been  the  most 
peaceful  part  of  my  life,  the  want  of  which  repose  and  tranquillity  my  soul 
often  feels  ...  I  took  great  delight  in  conversing  with  such  pure 
and  holy  souls,  seeing  that  all  their  care  was  only  to  serve  and  praise  our 
Lord.  I  praised  our  Lord  for  beholding  such  heroic  virtues,  Ac.  f  he 
Book  of  the  Foundations  is  already  published.  It  is  interesting  and  edify¬ 
ing  beyond  description. 


tlFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


341 


CHAPTER  XXXVII. 

THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  THE  GREAT  BENEFIT  SHE  RECEIVED  FROM 
OTHER  HEAVENLY  FAVORS. - MANY  PARTICULARS  ARE  GIVEN  RE¬ 

SPECTING  HER  ECSTASIES  AND  REVELATIONS. 

I  AM  unwilling  to  mention  any  more  of  those  favors  which 
our  Lord  had  bestowed  upon  me  ;  since  those  which  I  have 
already  related  are  too  numerous,  that  they  should  be 
thought  to  have  been  shown  to  so  wicked  a  creature.  But 
yet,  to  obey  our  Lord  who  has  commanded  it,  and  your 
Reverence  also  who  expects  it,  I  will  mention  some  more 
things  here,  for  His  greater  glory.  May  His  Majesty  grant 
that  it  may  serve  for  the  profit  of  some  soul  to  see,  since  our 
Lord  has  vouchsafed  so  highly  to  favor  such  a  wretched 
creature  as  I  ami,  how  much  more  He  will  do  for  such  as 
serve  His  Majesty  in  good  earnest  ;  and  that  every  one  may 
be  encouraged  thereby  to  please  His  Majesty,  since  even  in 
this  life  He  grants  us  such  earnest  pledges. 

But  here  it  is  to  be  observed,  that  in  these  favors  which 
God  bestows  on  a  soul,  there  is  sometimes  more,  sometimes 
less  glory }  for  the  glory,  joy,  and  consolation  which  He 
imparts,  are  so  much  greater  in  some  visions  than  in  others, 
that  I  was  quite  amazed  to  find  so  great  a  difference  of  en¬ 
joying,  even  in  this  life.  And  sometimes  our  Lord  is  pleased, 
in  one  vision  or  rapture,  to  give  so  much  that  it  seems  im¬ 
possible  to  desire  anything  beyond  it  in  this  life  ;  nor  does 
the  soul  desire  more,  nor  would  she  wish  for  more  joy  and 
pleasure.  Since  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  to  show  me 
how  great  the  difference  is  in  heaven  between  the  glory  en¬ 
joyed  by  some,  and  that  which  is  enjoyed  by  others,  I  see 
very  clearly  that  even  here  also  there  are  no  limits  set  in 
giving,  when  our  Lord  pleases ;  and  so  I  could  likewise  wish 
that  there  were  no  limits  set  in  my  serving  His  Majesty,  and 
employing  my  whole  life,  strength,  and  health  in  this  way  ; 
I  would  not  lose,  through  any  fault  of  mine,  the  least  de¬ 
gree  of  further  enjoyment.  I  even  go  so  far  as  to  declare, 
that  if  the  choice  were  offered  to  me,  whether  I  would  rather 
remain  subject  to  all  the  afflictions  of  the  world,  even  to  the 

29* 


342  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

t 

end  of  it,  and  then  ascend  by  that  means  to  the  possession 
of  a  little  more  glory  in  heaven  ;  or  else,  without  any  afflic¬ 
tion  at  all,  enjoy  a  little  less  glory,  I  would  most  willingly 
accept  of  all  those  troubles  and  afflictions  for  a  little  more 
enjoyment,  that  so  I  might  also  understand  more  of  the 
greatness  of  God,  because  I  see  that  he  who  understands 
more  of  Him,  loves  and  praises  Him  so  much  the  more.  I 
say  not  but  that  I  should  be  contented,  and  should  esteem 
myself  very  happy  to  be  in  heaven,  though  it  were  but  in 
the  lowest  place,  for  our  Lord  would  thereby  show  abundance 
of  mercy  to  me,  who  had  been  condemned  to  so  horrible  a 
place  in  hell ;  I  beseech  His  Majesty  that  I  may  go  to 
heaven,  and  that  He  will  not  consider  my  great  sins.  What 
I  say  is  this  ;  that  “  if  our  Lord  would  give  me  grace  to 
labor  much  for  Him,  and  if  I  were  able  to  do  it,  I  would  not 
on  any  account,  however  much  it  cost  me,  forego  the  gain  of 
any  degree  of  glory,  through  my  own  fault.”  Miserable 
creature  that  I  aln,  who  had  once  lost  all  by  my  numerous 
offences. 

It  is  also  to  be  remarked,  that  in  every  favor  of  a  vision 
or  revelation  which  our  Lord  bestowed  upon  me,  my  soul 
received  some  great  gain ;  and  in  some  visions  the  gain  was 
very  groat  indeed ;  for,  by  seeing  Christ  our  Lord,  His  ad¬ 
mirable  and  inexpressible  beauty  has  remained  imprinted  on 
my  mind,  and  I  remember  it  to  this  day ;  for,  in  this  case, 
only  once  would  have  been  sufficient,  how  much  more  so  very 
many  times  in  which  our  Lord  vouchsafed  to  impart  this 
favor  to  me.  From  this  sight  I  also  derived  another  con¬ 
siderable  advantage.  I  was  formerly  subject  to  a  very  great 
fault,  by  which  much  hurt  came  to  my  soul,  and  it  was  this : 
whenever  I  began  to  observe  that  any  person  had  a  liking 
for  me,  and  was  agreeable  to  me,  I  began  to  have  so  much 
affection  for  him,  that  my  memory  would  bind  me  in  a  man¬ 
ner  to  be  still  thinking  of  him,  though  yet  without  any  in¬ 
tention  at  all  of  offending  God ;  but  I  would  be  very  glad 
to  see  him  and  to  remember  him,  and  consider  the  good 
qualities  which  I  found  in  him  ;  but  this  was  so  prejudicial 
that  it  did  my  soul  a  great  deal  of  harm.  But  when  once  I 
beheld  the  great  beauty  of  our  Lord,  I  saw  none  afterwards 
which  oould  bear  comparison  with  it,  nor  which  was  able  to 


V  * 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  343 

occupy  my  thoughts ;  for,  by  casting  my  eyes  upon  the 
image  of  Him  who  is  engraven  in  my  mind,  I  remained  with 
so  much  liberty  in  this  respect,  that  everything  which  I  have 
seen  since  this  has  become  loathsome  to  me,  in  comparison 
with  the  excellencies  and  graces  which  I  discovered  in  our 
Lord ;  nor  is  there  any  knowledge,  or  any  kind  of  pleasure, 
on  which  I  set  a  value,  in  comparison  with  that  which  comes 
by  hearing  only  one  single  word  which  proceeds’  from  His 
divine  mouth  ;  how  much  more  so  many  as  I  have  heard ! 
I  consider  it  impossible,  unless  our  Lord  should  permit  it 
for  my  sins,  that  the  remembrance  of  this  should  entirely 
leave  me,  and  that  any  creature  should  ever  so  far  possess 
my  mind  as  that  I  should  not  instantly  be  free,  by  recurring 
a  little  to  the  remembrance  of  this,  my  Lord.  It  happened 
sometimes  with  some  of  my  confessors  (for  I  always  love 
those  who  direct  my  soul,  because  I  consider  they  hold  the 
place  of  God,  and  methinks  it  is  ever  there  where  I  employ 
my  affection  the  most),  that  thinking  I  was  secure  with 
them,  I  was  apt  to  show  them  extraordinary  kindness ;  hut 
they,  being  servants  of  God  and  cautious  persons,  would  he 
fearful,  lest  I  should  become  too  much  attached  to  them, 
though  in  an  innocent  manner,  and  they  would  sometimes 
show  they  were  displeased  at  it.  This  happened  afterwards, 
when  I  began  to  subject  myself  to  be  directed  and  com¬ 
manded  by  them  ;  for  before  I  did  not  bear  them  so  much 
love.  I  smiled  at  myself  when  I  considered  how  much  they 
were  deceived,  though  I  did  not  always  tell  them  so  plainly 
how  little  I  tied  myself  to  any  one,  as  I  was  sure  of  this  in 
myself .  but  I  told  them  enough ;  and  when  they  became 
more  intimate  with  me,  they  knew  how  much  I  was  indebted 
to  our  Lord,  for  these  suspicions  which  they  had  of  me  were 
always  in  the  beginning. 

I  also  began  to  have  more  love  and  more  confidence  in 
my  Lord  after  I  had  seen  Him,  as  one  with  whom  I  now 
held  a  continual  conversation.  I  saw  that  though  He  was 
God  He  was  also  man,  and  that  He  did  not  wonder  at  the 
weakness  of  men,  for  He  well  knows  our  miserable  nature, 
which  is  subject  to  falls  of  so  many  kinds,  on  account  of  the 
first  sin  which  He  came  to  repair.  Although  He  is  my 
Lord,  I  may  still  treat  with  Him  as  with  a  friend,  because  I 


344  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

know  He  is  not  like  the  grandees  we  are  accustomed  to  meet 
with  in  this  world,  who  place  all  their  greatness  in  a  certain 
affected  authority,  and  who  appoint  hours  and  seasons  for 
an  audience,  and  admit  those  only  to  speak  to  them  who  are 
distinguished  persons.  If  any  poor  man  lias  any  business  to 
transact  with  them,  it  will  cost  him  many  labors  and  favors 
before  he  can  get  it  settled.  But  what  if  he  has  some  busi¬ 
ness  with  the  king  himself!  Poor  people  must  not  presume 
to  come  near  him,  but  be  content  to  inquire  who  are  his 
favorites  (and  these  we  may  be  sure  are  not  such  as  tread 
the  world  under  their  feet,  because  such  persons  are  accus¬ 
tomed  to  speak  the  real  truth,  and  so  are  not  fit  for  a  court), 
and  so  recommend  their  affairs  to  them :  there  those  things 
are  not  usual ;  but  they  dissemble  whatever  they  dislike, 
and  scarcely  do  they  think  of  doing  such  a  thing  for  fear  of 
being  disgraced. 

O  King  of  Glory,  and  Lord  of  all  kings '  Thy  kingdom 
is  not  set  out  with  such  straws  as  these,  since  it  has  no  end ! 
Nor  is  there  any  need  of  third  persons  to  introduce  us  to 
an  audience  with  Thee !  By  our  seeing  Thee,  \ve  instantly 
perceive  that  Thou  alone  deservest  to  be  called  Lord  ;  so 
great  is  Thy  Majesty  that  there  is  no  need  of  many  guards 
and  attendants,  in  order  that  we  may  know  Thou  art  a  King ; 
whereas,  if  any  earthly  king  were  left  quite  alone,  he  would 
hardly  be  known  to  be  a  king,  for,  in  himself  he  is  no  more 
than  other  men,  and  therefore  something  must  appear  about 
him  to  make  men  believe  that  he  is  the  king ;  and  he  has  so 
much  more  need  of  using  these  external  helps,  because  other¬ 
wise  the  people  would  make  no  account  of  him ;  for  his  ap¬ 
pearing  so  powerful  is  not  from  himself,  but  his  grandeur 
and  state  arise  from  those  about  him.  But  who  is  able,  0 
my  Lord  and  my  King !  to  represent  that  Majesty  which 
Thou  hast  ?  It  is  impossible  to  help  seeing  that  Thou  art 
a  great  Emperor  in  Thyself,  and  I  am  quite  amazed  to  be¬ 
hold  Thy  Majesty.  But  I  am  still  more  amazed,  0  my 
Lord  !  to  see  united  with  this  Majesty  the  great  humility  and 
love  which  Thou  showest  to  such  a  wretched  creature  as  my¬ 
self  ;  for  we  may  speak  and  treat  with  Thee  about  all  things, 
even  as  we  wish,  when  once  we  have  lost  that  first  amaze¬ 
ment  and  dread  which  we  feel  at  the  sight  of  the  majesty  of 


346 


ItFE  OS'  ST.  TE&ESA. 

s  r*  ^  •  !* 

Thy  presence,  though  there  still  remains  a  greater  fear  of 
offending  Thee ;  but  not  the  fear  of  the  punishment,  for  this 
we  do  not  regard  at  all,  in  comparison  with  the  misery  which 
it  is  to  lose  Thee.  Here  are  some  of  the  benefits  which  I 
have  derived  from  this  vision  of  our  Lord,  besides  other  great 
effects  which  it  leaves  in  my  soul.  If  the  vision  be  from 
God,  it  makes  itself  understood  by  the  effects,  whenever  the 
soul  has  light ;  for,  as  I  have  often  said,  our  Lord  is  pleased 
that  it  should  remain  in  darkness,  and  not  see  this  light ; 
and  then  it  is  not  so  strange  that  one  so  wicked  as  myself 
should  have  some  fear. 

It  is  only  very  lately  that  I  happened  to  be  for  eight  days 
in  such  a  state,  that  it  seemed  I  neither  had,  nor  could  have, 
any  knowledge  of  what  I  owe  to  God,  nor  yet  any  memory  of 
His  favors  \  but  my  soul  was  so  inebriated  and  employed 
upon  I  know  not  what,  nor  how,  though  not  upon  bad 
thoughts ;  but,  with  respect  to  good  ones,  so  very  sluggish, 
that  I  laughed  at  myself,  and  took  pleasure  in  beholding  the 
baseness  a  soul  is  in,  when  our  Lord  does  not  vouchsafe  to 
be  continually  working  in  her.  She  sees  very  well,  that 
even  in  this  state  she  is  not  without  possessing  Him,  for  it  is 
not  like  as  in  those  great  afflictions  which,  I  have  said,  I 
sometimes  suffer  ;  for,  though  the  soul  brings  wood,  and  does 
all  the  little  she  can  on  her  side,  there  is  no  enkindling  the 
love  of  God  within  her.  It  is  a  great  mercy  of  His  that  some 
smoke  is  observed,  for  thereby  we  know  that  she  is  not  dead, 
and  our  Lord  comes  again  to  enkindle  it ;  but  then  the  soul 
seems  to  be  in  such  a  state,  that  everything  only  serves  to 
choke  her  the  more,  though  we  break  even  our  heads  in 
blowing,  and  weary  ourselves  in  arranging  the  wood.  I  think 
the  best  thing  is  to  give  heyself  wholly  up,  and  to  remember 
that  she  is  unable  to  do  anything  of  herself  alone,  and  there¬ 
fore  to  apply  herself  (as  I  have  said)  to  other  meritorious 
things ,  for  our  Lord,  perhaps,  takes  away  prayer  from  her, 
that  the  soul  may  exercise  herself  in  those  other  acts,  and 
so  understand,  by  experience,  how  little  she  is  able  to  do  of 

herself.  .  , 

This  very  day  I  have  solaced  myself  with  our  Lord,  and 

presumed  to  complain  to  His  Majesty  in  these  words :  u  HoW 
is  it,  0  my  God!  that  it  is  not  enough  for  Thee  to  keep  me 


346 


LIFE  OF  SI.  TERESA. 


in  this  miserable  life,  and  that  I  endure  it  all  for  Thy  sake, 
and  that  I  wish  to  live  where  all  this  trouble  is,  because  I 
cannot  enjoy  Thee,  without  at  the  same  time  eating  and  sleep¬ 
ing,  and  transacting  business,  and  conversing  with  every  one  ; 
and  all  this  I  suffer  for  the  love  of  Thee  ?  Thou  knowest  well, 
0  my  Lord !  that  this  is  a  very  great  torment  to  me;  and  in 
those  few  moments  which  remain  to  me  for  enjoying  Thee, 
Thou  art  yet  pleased  to  hide  Thyself.  How  can  this  be 
reconciled  with  Thy  mercy  ?  And  how  can  Thy  love  towards 
me  permit  it  1  I  believe,  0  Lord  !  that  if  it  were  possible 
for  me  to  hide  myself  from  Thee,  as  Thou  dost  hide  Thyself 
from  me,  I  think  and  believe  so  much  concerning  the  love 
Thou  hast  for  me,  as  to  be  sure  Thou  wouldst  not  endure  it. 
But  Thou  art  still  with  me,  and  always  beholdest  me.  This 
is  not  to  be  endured,  0  my  Lord !  I  beseech  Thee  to  con¬ 
sider  that  this  is  doing  an  injury  to  one  who  loves  Thee  so 
much.”  These  and  such  like  words  I  spoke,  though  I  con¬ 
sidered,  first,  how  very  tolerable  that  place  was  which  had 
been  prepared  for  me  in  hell,  in  comparison  with  what  I  had 
deserved.  But  sometimes  the  love  I  bear  our  Lord  is  so 
very  extravagant,  that  I  scarce  know  what  I  do,  except  to 
complain  with  all  my  understanding  in  this  manner ;  and  our 
Lord  endures  everything  from  me.  May  so  good  a  King  be 
praised !  But  can  we  approach  the  kings  of  this  world  with 
such  presumption  as  this  ? 

And  yet  I  am  not  surprised  that  we  do  not  dare  to  speak 
to  earthly  kings  in  this  way,  or  to  those  great  persons  who 
are  their  representatives,  for  they  are  men  whom  we  have 
reason  to  fear.  But  now  the  world  is  so  changed,  that  we 
should  be  obliged  to  live  longer,  in  order  to  have  time  enough 
to  learn  all  its  punctilios,  and  modes,  and  fashions,  if  we 
would  have  any  time  to  spend  in  the  service  of  God.  I  bless 
myself  when  I  see  what  passes.  The  truth  is,  that  already 
I  scarcely  knew  how  to  live  in  the  world,  when  I  came  to 
understand  this ;  for  now  it  is  not  considered  a  jest,  when 
there  is  any  inattention  shown,  in  treating  men  with  much 
more  ceremony  than  they  really  deserve  ;  but  they  so  truly 
take  it  for  an  affront,  that  you  must  profess  your  desire  to 
make  satisfaction,  if  there  be  (as  I  was  saying)  any  omission  ; 
and  God  grant  that  they  believe  your  professions. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


847 


I  repeat  it  again,  that  I  do  not  really  know  how  to  live, 
because  these  things  do  greatly  afflict  a  poor  weary  soul.  She 
sees  that,  on  one  hand,  she  is  commanded  always  to  employ  her 
thoughts  on  God,  and  that  it  is  necessary  for  her  to  do  so,  in 
order  to  free  herself  from  many  dangers ;  and,  on  the  other 
side,  she  also  sees,  that  it  concerns  her  not  to  omit  anything 
regarding  the  punctilios  of  the  world,  under  pain  of  not  giv¬ 
ing  offence  to  those  who  place  their  chief  honor  in  these 
things.  As  for  me,  they  tire  me  quite  out,  and  I  could  never 
come  to  an  end  of  making  satisfaction,  for  it  was  not  in  my 
power  (however  much  I  endeavored)  to  prevent  myself  from 
making  many  faults  in  this  respect  ;  and  these  are  not  con¬ 
sidered  little  in  the  eyes  of  the  world.  It  is  true,  that  reli¬ 
gious  Orders  ought  to  be  exempt  from  all  these  attentions, 
and  there  is  reason  for  it :  but,  no ;  people  assert,  “  that 
monasteries  ought  to  be,  as  it  were,  so  many  courts  for  good 
breeding,  and  that  their  inmates  should  know  the  rules  of 
politeness.”  I  do  not  really  understand  this  kind  of  lan¬ 
guage.  I  think  some  saint  has  said,  that  a  monastery  should 
be  a  court  to  instruct  those  who  wish  to  be  courtiers  in 
heaven.  But  now  things  are  understood  in  quite  a  different 
wav.  But  how  they  who  should  be  continually  employed  in 
pleasing  God,  and  in  endeavoring  to  abhor  the  world,  are  also 
to  be  obliged  to  bestow  so  much  care  and  attention  in  pleas¬ 
ing  those  who  live  in  the  world,  and  that  in  things  which 
change  so  often,  this  I  cannot  comprehend. 

But  though  it  were  possible  for  one  to  learn  all  these  rules, 
yet  they  would  soon  be  changed.  Even  for  the  titles  which 
are  expected  in  letters,  a  chair  should  be  founded,  that  so 
the  Professor  might  teach  us  how  such  and  such  people  were 
to  be  addressed ;  for  sometimes  the  paper  is  to  be  left  blank 
on  one  side,  and  sometimes  on  the  other ;  and  he  who  used 
to  be  styled  “  Your  Worship,”  must  now  be  called  “The 
Honorable.”  I  know  not  where  things  will  stop  ;  for  I  am 
not  fifty  years  old,  and  yet  I  have  seen  such  changes  in  my 
life,  that  now  I  know  not  how  to  live.  How  then  will  those 
who  are  now  young  know  how  to  conduct  themselves,  if  they 
should  live  long  ?  I  have  really  great  compassion  for  spiritual 
persons,  who  are  obliged  to  live  in  the  world  for  certain  holy 
purposes  ;  for  it  is  a  terrible  cross  to  bear  this.  If  all  could 


348 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


agree  together,  and  profess  themselves  to  be  ignorant,  and 
could  be  content  to  be  considered  as  such  in  these  sciences, 
they  might  free  themselves  from  a  great  deal  of  trouble. 
But  into  what  fooleries  have  I  cast  myself?  From  speaking 
of  the  greatness  of  God,  I  have  come  by  degrees  to  speak  of 
the  baseness  of  the  world.  Since  our  Lord  has  enabled  me 
by  His  grace  to  leave  it,  I  am  resolved  no  more  to  speak 
about  it.  Let  those  love  it  who,  with  so  much  trouble, 
encourage  those  toys  ;  and  may  God  grant,  that  we  may  not 
pay  dearly  for  them  in  the  other  life,  which  is  without 
change !  Amen. 


CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 

THE  SAINT  MENTIONS  SOME  GREAT  FAVORS  WHICH  OUR  LORD  WAS 
PLEASED  TO  SHOW  HER,  IN  ACQUAINTING  HER  WITH  CERTAIN 
SECRETS  OF  HEAVEN,  AND  BY  GIVING  HER  VISIONS  AND  REVELA¬ 
TIONS,  ETC. 

Being  so  very  ill  one  night,  that  I  thought  I  might  excuse 
myself  from  prayer,  I  took  my  rosary  to  employ  myself 
vocally,  not  taking  any  pains  to  recollect  my  understanding, 
though  as  to  my  exterior  I  was  sufficiently  recollected,  being 
in  an  oratory.  But  when  our  Lord  wishes,  all  our  endea¬ 
vors  serve  but  to  little  purpose  ;  for  after  I  had  been  praying 
a  little  in  this  way,  there  suddenly  came  upon  me  a  rapture 
of  the  Spirit,  with  so  great  impetuosity  that  there  was  no 
power  in  me  to  resist  it.  I  seemed  to  be  placed  in  heaven, 
and  the  first  persons  whom  I  saw  there  were  my  father  and 
mother ;  and  I  also  saw  some  other  things  so  very  wonder¬ 
ful,  and  in  so  very  short  a  time  (as  long  only  as  one  would 
say  Ave  Maria),  that  I  was  amazed,  thinking  it  was  too  great 
a  favor  for  me.  With  regard  to  the  time  being  so  very  short, 
I  may  perhaps  be  deceived,  for  it  may  have  been  longer,  but 
it  seemed  to  me  at  least  to  be  very  short.  I  was  afraid  of 
an  illusion ;  but  yet  to  me  it  seemed  none.  I  knew  not  what 
to  do,  for  I  was  quite  ashamed  to  go  with  the  account  to  my 
confessor ;  not  through  humility,  as  I  thought,  but  because 
I  fancied  he  would  make  a  jest  of  it,  and  say,  “  what  a  St. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  •  349 

Paul,  or  a  St.  Jerome  this  woman  has  become,  to  see  sueh 
heavenly  things  !,J  And  because  these  glorious  saints  had 
such  visions  as  these,  it  made  me  so  much  the  more  fearful 
of  myself,  so  that  I  did  nothing  but  weep  bitterly,  because  I 
thought  there  was  no  probability  that  such  favors  should  be 
shown  to  me.  However,  I  went  to  my  confessor,  notwith¬ 
standing  all  my  repugnance ;  for  though  it  was  painful  for 
me  to  mention  these  things,  yet  I  never  dared  to  conceal 
anything  from  him,  on  account  of  the  great  fear  I  had  of 
being  deceived  and  deluded.  When  he  saw  me  in  such  great 
affliction,  he  comforted  me  very  kindly,  and  told  me  many 
consoling  things  to  free  me  from  the  trouble  I  was  in. 

It  has  happened  to  me  several  times  since,  that  our  Lord 
has  shown  me  still  greater  secrets :  there  is  no  means,  how¬ 
ever,  of  the  soul  being  able  to  see  more  than  our  Lord  is 
pleased  to  represent  to  her,  nor  is  it  possible ;  and  hence  I 
never  saw  more  than  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  show  me  at 
each  time  :  but  this  was  so  very  much,  that  the  least  part 
of  it  was  sufficient  to  make  me  quite  amazed,  and  to  improve 
my  soul  very  much,  and  help  her  to  undervalue  and  despise 
all  the  things  of  this  life.  1  wish  I  knew  how  to  explain  the 
least  part  of  that  which  I  saw  represented  ;  but  .when  I  am 
thinking  how  to  do  it,  I  find  it  impossible.  For  though  the 
light  which  we  see  here,  and  that  which  is  represented  there, 
be  all  light,  yet  there  is  so  great  a  difference  that  there  is 
no  comparison ;  for  the  brightness  of  the  sun  itself  is  very 
obscure  when  compared  with  that  brightness.  In  a  word, 
the  imagination  of  man,  however  subtle  it  may  be,  cannot 
paint  or  describe  this  kind  of  light,  nor  any  other  of  those 
things  which  our  Lord  gave  me  to  understand,  and  this  with 
such  excessive  delight  as  cannot  be  expressed  ;  for  all  the 
senses  enjoy  such  a  superior  degree  of  sweetness  that  cannot 
be  comprehended,  and  therefore  I  think  it  best  to  say  no 
more  about  it. 

I  was  once  for  more  than  an  hour  in  this  state,  when  our 
Lord  showed  me  wonderful  things ;  and  appearing  not  to  be 
far  from  me,  He  said,  “  See,  daughter,  what  they  lose  who 
are  against  Me  :  do  not  fail  to  tell  them  ot  it.,J  But,  0  my 
Lord,  what  good  will  my  telling  them  do,  since  their  own 
evil  actions  have  blinded  them,  if  Thy  Majesty  do  not  give 
30 


350 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


them  light?  Some  there  are  to  whom  Thou  hast  given  it-, 
and  they  have  profited  much  by  the  knowledge  of  Thy  great¬ 
nesses  :  but,  0  my  Lord,  they  see  them  given  to  such  a 
wretched  and  wicked  creature,  that  I  wonder  I  find  any  one 
to  believe  me.  Blessed  be  Thy  name  and  Thy  mercy !  For 
I,  at  least,  have  seen  an  evident  amendment  in  my  own  soul 
from  these  things  :  how  glad  I  should  have  been  afterwards, 
if  I  might  still  have  remained  in  that  state,  and  not  come 
back  to  live  here  again,  for  the  contempt  in  which  I  held  the 
whole  world  was  very  great,  and  it  seemed  to  be  no  better 
than  dung  to  me :  and  now  I  see  how  meanly  we  are  em¬ 
ployed  who  are  detained  here. 

While  I  remained  in  the  house  of  this  lady  (Louisa  de  la 
Cerda),  whom  I  have  already  mentioned,  it  once  happened  to 
me,  when  I  was  ill  with  a  violent  pain  in  my  heart,  that  look¬ 
ing  on  me  with  great  compassion,  she  one  day  commanded 
certain  jewels  of  hers  to  be  brought  forth,  which  were  of 
great  value  \  and  one  in  particular,  of  diamonds,  which  she 
prized  at  a  great  price.  She  thought  that  the  sight  of  them 
would  delight  and  revive  me.  But  I  smiled  at  her  within 
myself,  and  was  grieved  to  see  what  mean  things  men  esteem, 
when  I  considered  what  our  Lord  has  laid  up  for  us ;  and  I 
thought  how  impossible  a  thing  it  would  be  for  me  to  put 
any  value  on  such  toys  as  these,  though  I  should  endeavor 
to  do  so,  unless  our  Lord  should  first  take  away  the  memory 
of  other  things.  This  kind  of  favor  gives  the  soul  so  great 
a  dominion,  that  I  know  not  whether  it  can  possibly  be  un¬ 
derstood  by  any  other  person  but  such  as  possess  it,  because 
it  is  a  proper  and  natural  disengagement  of  the  soul  from  all 
created  objects ;  and  this  comes  without  any  labor  on  her 
part.  God  does  everything  ;  for  His  Majesty  shows  us  these 
truths,  and  this  in  such  a  manner  that  they  remain  so  im¬ 
printed  on  the  soul,  as  to  make  us  clearly  see  that  it  was  not 
possible  for  us  to  acquire  them,  especially  in  so  short  a  time, 
by  any  exertions  of  our  own. 

I  also  came  to  have  very  little  fear  of  death,  of  which 
formerly  I  had  great  dread ;  but  now  it  seems  a  very  fcasy 
thing  for  such  as  apply  themselves  to  the  service  of  God ; 
for  in  a  moment  the  soul  sees  herself  freed  out  of  this  prison, 
and  placed  in  repose.  The  way  by  which  God  carries  the 


351 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

soul  up,  in  these  raptures,  to  show  her  such  wonderful  things, 
seems  to  hear  a  very  close  resemblance  with  the  passage  of  a 
soul  out  of  the  body  at  the  hour  of  death,  since  in  a  moment 
she  beholds  herself  possessed  of  all  this  good.  I  omit  here  the 
consideration  of  those  pains  felt  when  the  soul  is  borne  out 
of  the  body,  for  we  should  make  little  account  of  this :  and 
they  who  love  God  in  good  earnest,  and  have  bid  adieu  to 
all  the  pleasures  of  this  life,  are  wont  to  die  with  more 
sweetness  and  resignation. 

It  also  seems  to  me,  that  these  favors  did  me  much  good 
towards  making  me  know  my  true  country,  and  being  con¬ 
vinced  that  we  are  only  pilgrims  here  below  :  it  is  very  neces¬ 
sary  to  consider  what  passes  there  above,  and  to  know  where 
we  are  to  live  forever  *,  for  when  one  goes  to  live  tor  good 
and  all  in  a  country,  it  is  a  great  help  towards  enduring  all 
the  troubles  of  the  journey,  to  know  that  it  is  the  land  where 
we  shall  enjoy  very  great  repose.  It  also  enables  us  to  con¬ 
sider  heavenly  things,  and  to  endeavor  that  our  conversation 
may  be  in  heaven  :  this  is  done  with  ease.  It  is  likewise  a 
great  gain,  because  merely  looking  up  to  heaven  recollects 
the  soul ;  for  as  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  show  her  some 
glimpse  of  that  which  is  there,  she  is  thereby  induced  to 
pause  and  meditate  upon  it.  And  sometimes  it  happens,  that 
they  who  I  know  are  living  there  are  the  only  companions  I 
choose  to  comfort  myself  with, — these  being  the  persons  who 
seem  truly  alive  5  and  those  others  who  live  here  on  earth 
appear  to  be  so  very  dead,  that  this  world  affords  no  com¬ 
pany  at  all  to  me,  especially  when  I  have  those  great 
impulses.  All  seems  to  me  but  a  dream,  and  what  I  see  with 
my  eyes  looks  like  a  jest.  But  that  which  I  have  already 
seen  with  the  eyes  of  my  soul  is  the  very  thing  she  desires ; 
and  because  she  sees  herself  to  be  yet  far  off  from  it,  this  is 
death  to  her.  In  a  word,  the  favor  is  exceedingly  great 
which  our  Lord  grants  to  that  soul  to  whom  He  gives  such 
visions  as  these  ;  for  they  help  her  much  in  all  things,,  and 
especially  in  bearing  a  heavy  cross,  because  nothing  satisfies 
her  now,  but  everything  disgusts  her  and  if  our  Lord  did 
not  permit  one  to  forget  it  sometimes  (though  yet  we  remem¬ 
ber  it  again  afterwards),  I  know  not  how  one  could  live. 
May  He^  be  blessed  and  praised  forever !  I  beseech  His 


352  LIFE  OF  St.  TERESA. 

Majesty,  by  the  blood  His  Son  shed  for  me,  that  since  He 
has  vouchsafed  I  should  understand  some  part  of  these  great 
benefits,  and  in  some  measure  to  begin  enjoying  them  also,  it 
may  not  happen  to  me  as  it  did  to  Lucifer,  who  lost  all  by 
his  own  fault.  Do  not  permit  this,  0  my  Lord  !  I  beseech 
Thee  by  what  Thou  art ;  for  it  is  no  small  fear  which  I  have 
sometimes  (though  at  other  times,  and  even  very  generally, 
the  mercy  of  God  gives  me  security),  that  since  He  has  been 
pleased  to  deliver  me  from  so  many  sins,  He  will  not  forsake 
me  now,  so  as  to  let  me  he  lost.  This  I  beg  of  your  Reve¬ 
rence,  that  you  will  always  pray  for  me.  But,  in  my  opinion, 
the  favors  which  I  have  already  mentioned  were  not  so  great 
as  that  which  I  will  now  relate,  for  many  reasons  particu¬ 
larly  for  the  great  courage  and  strength  which  have  remained 
in  my  soul  on  that  account,  although  if  each  of  the  other 
favors  be  considered  in  itself,  it  is  so  great  that  nothing  else 
can  be  compared  with  it. 

One  day,  after  mass,  it  being  the  vigil  of  Pentecost,  I 
went  to  a  very  retired  place,  where  I  often  used  to  pray ; 
and  I  began  to  read  in  a  certain  book,  written  Ly  a  Carthu¬ 
sian  on  this  festival ;  and  I  found  there  those  signs  by  which 
they  who  are  beginners,  or  proficients,  or  perfect,  may  under¬ 
stand  whether  the  Holy  Spirit  is  with  them  or  no.  Reading 
what  was  said  there  of  these  three  states,  it  seemed  to  me 
that  God,  through  His  goodness,  was  in  this  manner  present 
with  me,  as  far  as  I  could  understand.  And  while  I  was 
praising  Him  for  this  blessing,  I  called  to  mind  that  when  I 
had  read  the  same  thing  formerly,  I  stood  much  in  need  of 
my  present  state  ;  and  thus  I  came  to  know  how  much  I  was 
indebted  to  our  Lord  for  the  great  favor  He  had  bestowed 
upon  me.  I  began  also  to  consider  the  place  I  had  deserved 
in  hell  for  my  sins,  and  I  gave  great  praises  to  God,  because 
I  found  my  soul,  as  I  thought,  so  extremely  changed,  that  I 
could  hardly  know  her.  Being  fixed  in  this  consideration, 
there  came  a  great  impetuosity  upon  me,  without  my  knowing 
the  occasion  of  it.  It  seemed  as  if  my  soul  were  endeavor¬ 
ing  to  get  out  of  my  body,  for  now  she  could  not  possibly 
contain  herself,  nor  could  she  find  herself  capable  of  remain¬ 
ing  any  longer  in  the  expectation  of  so  great  a  good.  This 
was  so  wonderful  an  impulse,  that  I  could  not  tell  what  to 


LIFE  OP  ST.  TERESA.  353 

do  with  myself;  and  it  was  very  different,  in  my  opinion, 
from  those  which  I  have  had  at  other  times  ;  nor  did  I  know 
what  was  the  matter  with  my  soul,  nor  would  I  admit  she 
was  so  much  altered.  I  leaned  myself  on  one  side,  not  being 
able  to  sit  upright,  for  I  found  my  natural  strength  began  to 
fail  me.  When  in  this  state  I  saw  a  dove  above  my  head, 
very  different  from  the  doves  of  this  world,  for  it  had  not 
the  like  feathers,  but  the  wings  seemed  to  be  composed  of 
certain  little  shells,  which  darted  forth  a  wonderful  splendor. 
The  dove  was  much  larger  than  any  ordinary  one ;  and  I 
thought  I  heard  a  noise  which  it  made  with  its  wings,  for  it 
was  hovering  over  me  about  the  space  of  an  Ave  Maria.  My 
soul  was  then  in  such  a  state,  that,  losing  herself  in  an 
ecstasy,  she  also  lost  sight  of  the  dove.  By  entertaining  so 
sweet  a  guest,  my  soul  became  quiet,  though  so  wonderful  a 
favor  might  well  have  disturbed  and  affrighted  her  :  but  as 
she  already  began  to  enjoy,  all  fear  soon  vanished,  and  with 
joy  began  the  quiet,  she  remaining  in  a  rapture.  The  glory 
of  this  rapture  w7as  extremely  great.  I  remained  during  the 
greater  part  of  Whitsuntide  so  stunned  and  transported  that 
I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  myself,  nor  how  to  contain  within 
me  so  great  a  grace  and  favor :  I  neither  heard  nor  saw  (so 
to  speak),  on  account  of  my  great  interior  joy.  From  that 
day  my  soul  has  found  a  very  great  improvement,  as  she 
enjoys  a  more  sublime  love  of  God,  and  stronger  virtues, 
than  she  did  before.  May  our  Lord  be  praised  and  blessed 
forever !  Amen. 

Another  time,  I  saw  the  same  dove  over  the  head  of  a 
Dominican  Father :  only  I  thought  that  both  the  beams  and 
the  brightness  of  the  wings  extended  themselves  much  fur¬ 
ther.  I  was  then  given  to  understand  that  he  was  to  win 
souls  to  God. 

Another  time  I  saw  our  Blessed  Lady  putting  a  very 
white  garment  on  a  Professor  of  Divinity  belonging  to  the 
same  Order,  of  whom  I  have  often  spoken.  She  told  me, 
that  for  the  service  he  had  done  her,  in  helping  to  erect  this 
house,  she  gave  him  that  mantle,  as  a  sign  that  his  soul 
should  be  preserved  for  the  future  in  purity,  and  that  he 
should  not  fall  into  mortal  sin.  I  am  confident  it  proved 
so ;  for  he  died  within  a  few  years  after,  and  his  life  and 

30* 


354 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

death  were  attended  with  such  penance  and  sanctity,  that 
there  can  remain  no  doubt  of  his  salvation,  as  far  as  we  are 
able  to  judge.  A  friar,  who  was  present  at  his  death,  assured 
me,  that  before  he  expired  he  told  him  how  St.  Thomas  had 
been  with  him.  He  died  with  great  joy,  and  with  a  desire  to 
be  free  from  this  banishment.  Since  then  he  has  sometimes 
appeared  to  me  in  very  great  glory,  and  told  me  many  things. 
He  was  so  given  to  prayer,  that  when  before  he  died  he 
wished  to  omit  it,  on  account  of  his  great  weakness,  he  was 
not  able  to  do  so,  for  he  had  many  raptures. 

He  wrote  to  me  a  little  before  he  died,  asking  me  what 
means  he  had  best  employ,  because  as  soon  as  he  used  to 
finish  mass,  he  fell  into  raptures,  which  would  last  long, 
without  his  being  able  to  help  himself.  God  at  last  gave 
him  a  reward  for  the  great  services  he  had  done  for  Him 
during  his  whole  life.  Of  the  rector  of  the  Society  of  Jesus, 
whom  I  have  mentioned  before,  I  have  seen  some  things  con¬ 
cerning  the  great  favors  our  Lord  bestowed  upon  him  :  but 
I  will  not  mention  them  here,  for  fear  of  being  too  long. 
A  severe  affliction  happened  to  him  once,  by  being  unjustly 
persecuted,  at  which  he  was  greatly  afflicted.  As  I  was 
hearing  mass  one  day,  X  saw  Christ  on  the  cross,  when  the 
priest  elevated  the  XIost.  He  spoke  certain  words  to  me, 
which  I  was  commanded  to  tell  him  for  his  comfort ;  and 
others  to  put  him  on  his  guard  against  something  that  was 
to  happen ;  and  to  represent  to  him  how  much  our  Lord  had 
endured  for  his  sake,  and  that  he  should  prepare  himself  to 
suffer.  These  words  gave  him  great  strength  and  courage, 
and  all  happened  to  him  just  as  our  Lord  had  foretold. 

I  have  seen  wonderful  things  relating  to  the  religious  of 
a  certain  Order,*  and  of  the  whole  Order  together.  I  have 
sometimes  seen  them  in  heaven,  with  white  banners  in  their 
hands,  and  many  other  things,  as  I  have  said,  very  admira¬ 
ble.  Accordingly,  for  this  Order,  I  have  a  great  veneration, 
for  I  have  often  had  communication  with  them,  and  I  see 
that  their  life  is  conformable  to  what  our  Lord  gave  me  to 
understand  regarding  them. 

Being  one  night  in  prayer,  our  Lord  began  to  utter  some 


*  The  Society  of  Jesus. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  355 

words  to  me,  by  which  fie  brought  to  my  remembrance  how 
wicked  my  life  had  been.  These  words  gave  me  both  pain 
and  confusion ;  for  though  they  were  not  spoken  wTith  any 
severity,  yet  they  caused  within  me  such  tender  feelings  of 
sorrow  and  grief  as  quite  to  dissolve  me.  We  find  more  help 
towards  the  knowledge  of  ourselves  by  only  one  of  these 
words,  than  we  should  be  able  to  acquire  in  many  days  by 
considering  our  own  misery :  for  it  so  engraves  the  truth  in 
the  soul,  that  we  cannot  possibly  deny  it.  He  represented 
to  me  those  inclinations  of  mine,  which  I  had  formerly  en¬ 
tertained  with  so  much  vanity  ;  and  He  told  me  that  I  was 
to  set  a  great  value  upon  the  desires  I  had,  that  He  would 
abide  in  me — desires  which  formerly  I  had  directed  to  such 
evil  objects.  At  other  times,  He  bade  me  remember  how 
formerly  I  had  considered  it  as  u  point  of  honor  to  go  against 
His  honor  ;  and  at  other  times,  that  I  should  remember  how 
much  I  owed  Him,  since  when  I  was  committing  the  greatest 
otfences  against  Him,  He  used  to  be  doing  me  favors.  If  I 
have  any  faults  (which  are  not  tew),  our  Lord  then  makes 
me  understand  them  so  well,  that  I  am,  as  it  were,  ready  to 
annihilate  myself;  and  because  I  have  many  faults,  this 
happens  very  often.  It  happened  that  my  confessor  repre¬ 
hended  me,  and  when  I  thought  to  find  consolation  in  prayer, 
it  was  there  that  I  found  real  blame. 

But  to  return  to  what  I  was  saying.  When  our  Lord 
began  to  bring  my  wicked  life  to  my  remembrance,  which 
cost  me  so  much  tears,  and  when  1  considered  that  then  I 
had  done  no  good,  as  I  thought,  I  began  to  think  within 
myself,  whether  He  might  not  wish  to  bestow  some  new 
favor  upon  me  :  because  whenever  I  have  received  any  par¬ 
ticular  favor  from  our  Lord,  it  has  generally  been  after  I 
had  annihilated  myself  in  this  way.  And  our  Lord  acts 
thus  with  me,  that  I  may  see  the  more  clearly  how  far  I  am 
from  deserving  these  favors.  A  short  time  after,  my  soul 
was  so  absorbed  that  it  seemed  to  be  almost  out  of  my  body  : 
at  least,  it  could  not  be  perceived  that  I  lived  in  it.  Then 
I  saw  the  most  sacred  Humanity  of  our  Lord,  in  more  ex¬ 
cessive  glory  than  ever  I  had  seen  it  before.  This  was  re¬ 
presented  to  me  by  a  certain  admirable  and  clear  notice  of 
His  being  placed  in  the  bosom  of  His  Father ;  and  yet  I 


356 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


know  not  how  to  explain  it :  for  it  seemed  to  me,  that  with¬ 
out  seeing,  I  saw  myself  present  before  the  Divinity.  I  re¬ 
mained  so  amazed,  in  such  a  manner,  that  I  think  some  days 
passed  before  I  returned  to  myself :  bilt  T  always  thought 
that  I  had  the  majesty  of  the  Son  of  God  present  to  me, 
though  not  like  the  former.  This  I  understood  very  well ; 
but  the  sight  remains  so  engraven  on  my  imagination,  that  I 
cannot  free  myself  from  it  (though  it  was  represented  in  so 
short  a  time)  for  some  time.  It  is,  however,  both  a  comfort 
and  a  great  benefit  to  my  soul. 

I  have  seen  this  vision  three  other  times  ;  and  this,  in  my 
opinion,  is  the  most  sublime  vision  which  our  Lord  ever 
granted  me  the  favor  to  see  ;  and  it  brings  with  it  the  great¬ 
est  benefits.  It  seems  that  the  soul  is  greatly  purified  by  it, 
and  it  takes  all  strength  away  from  our  sensuality.  It  is  a 
vehement  flame,  which  seems  to  burn  up,  and  even  perfectly 
to  consume  all  the  desires  of  this  life:  for  though  (glory  be 
to  God  for  it)  I  had  before  no  inclinations  to  vain  objects,  it 
was  here  declared  to  me,  in  a  very  distinct  manner,  that  all 
was  vanity ;  and,  in  particular,  how  vain  were  all  the  titles 
and  grandeurs  of  this  world.  It  also  gives  us  great  informa¬ 
tion  how  to  raise  up  our  desires  to  the  pure  truth.  A  reve¬ 
rence  for  God  remains  so  imprinted  on  the  soul,  in  such  a 
way  that  I  know  not  how  to  describe  it :  it  is  very  different 
from  whatever  we  can  acquire  in  this  world.  It  also  pro¬ 
duces  a  strange  amazement  in  the  soul,  to  consider  how  she, 
or  how  any  creature  can  presume  so  far  as  to  dare  offend  such 
an  exceeding  great  Majesty. 

Sometimes  1  have  mentioned  the  effects  of  these  visions, 
and  that  a  soul  receives  sometimes  more,  sometimes  less, 
profit  from  them ;  but  from  this  vision  the  profit  was  won¬ 
derfully  great.  After  I  used  to  communicate,  and  when  I 
remembered  the  incomparable  Majesty  which  I  had  seen, 
and  which  I  saw  was  the  very  same  that  is  in  the  most  Holy 
Sacrament  (and  sometimes  our  Lord  is  pleased  to  let  me  see 
Him  in  the  Sacred  Host),  the  very  hair  of  my  head  stood 
quite  on  end,  and  I  thought  I  was  wholly  annihilated.  0 
my  Lord  !  if  Thou  didst  not  hide  Thy  greatness,  who  dare 
presume  to  approach  so  often  as  we  do,  so  filthy  and  mise¬ 
rable  a  creature,  to  so  great  a  Majesty  ?  Blessed  be  Thou, 


% 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


357 


0  Lord !  May  the  angels  and  all  creatures  praise  Thee, 
who  dost  so  measure  things  according  to  our  weakness,  in 
order  that,  enjoying  such  wonderful  favors,  Thy  immense 
power  may  not  terrify  us,  being  so  weak  and  miserable. 

It  might  happen  to  us,  as  it  once  did  to  a  laboring  man 
(and  this  fact  I  know  to  be  correct),  who  found  a  treasure, 
which  being  greater  than  his  mind,  caused  him  to  fall  into 
sadness  when  he  saw  himself  possessed  of  the  treasure ; 
hence  by  little  and  little  he  came  to  die  through  mere  care 
and  affliction,  not  knowing  what  to  do  with  his  treasure. 
Whereas,  if  he  had  not  found  it  altogether,  but  some  one 
had  given  it  to  him  by  degrees,  and  had  thus  supported 
him,  he  would  have  lived  more  contentedly  than  when  he 
was  poor,  and  it  would  not  have  cost  him  his  life.  0  riches 
of  the  poor how  admirably  do  you  know  how  to  sustain 
souls !  How  careful  are  you,  without  letting  them  see  too 
much  at  once,  to  show  them  great  treasures  by  little  and 
little !  When  I  see  so  great  a  Majesty  concealed  in  so  small 
a  thing  as  the  Sacred  Host  (and  so  it  is),  I  am  in  admiration 
at  such  great  wisdom,  and  I  know  not  how  our  Lord  gives 
me  courage  and  strength  to  approach  Him,  did  not  He  who 
hath  bestowed  and  still  bestows  such  great  favors  upon  me 
fortify  me  also  herein  :  and  it  is  not  possible  to  dissemble 
the  matter  any  longer,  or  cease  to  proclaim  aloud  such  great 
wonders.  What  sentiments,  then,  ought  so  miserable  a  crea¬ 
ture,  and  so  laden  with  abominations,  as  I  am,  and  who  have 
spent  my  life  with  such  little  fear  of  God — what  sentiments 
ought  she  to  have,  when  she  sees  herself  approach  to  a  Lord 
of  such  great  majesty,  because  He  is  pleased  that  my  soul 
should  behold  Him?  How  shall  this  mouth  of  mine,  which 
has  uttered  so  many  words  against  this  same  Lord,  presume 
to  touch  that  most  glorious  body,  so  full  of  purity  and  sanc¬ 
tity  ?  The  love  which  that  countenance  of  such  great 
beauty,  tenderness,  and  affability,  discovers  to  us,  does  more 
afflict  and  wound  the  soul  for  not  having  served  Him,  than 
do  that  fear  and  terror  which  are  inspired  by  the  majesty  she 
beholds  in  Him.  But  what  should  be  my  feelings,  after 
having  seen  on  two  occasions  that  of  which  I  will  now  speak  ? 
I  am  really  about  to  say,  0  my  Lord  and  my  Glory !  that  I 
have  in  some  way  done  Thee  a  little  service,  by  the  great 


358 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


afflictions  which  my  soul  has  experienced  in  herself.  Alas ! 

I  hardly  know  what  I  say ;  for  I  am  now  writing,  though  I 
scarcely  am  able  to  speak,  because  I  find  myself  troubled, 
and  almost  out  of  myself,  when  I  bring  these  things  to  my 
remembrance.  If  this  thought  came  from  myself,  I  might 
seem  to  have  some  reason  for  what  I  say,  that  I  had  done 
something  for  Thee,  0  my  God  !  But  since  I  cannot  have 
so  much  if  Thou  do  not  impart  it  to  me,  there  is  nothing 
which  I  can  attribute  to  myself.  1  am  therefore  Thy  debtor, 
0  Lord !  and  Thou  art  the  party  offended. 

Going  one  day  to  receive  the  Blessed  Sacrament,  I  saw 
two  devils,  with  the  eyes  of  my  soul,  more  clearly  than  if  I 
had  seen  them  with  the  eyes  of  my  body :  they  had  a  most 
horrible  appearance,  and  seemed  with  their  horns  to  encom¬ 
pass  the  neck  of  the  poor  priest.  I  also  saw  our  Lord,  with 
that  majesty  (of  which  I  have  already  spoken),  placed  in  the 
sinful  hands  of  the  priest,  in  the  Host  which  he  was  about  to 
give  me,  for  I  understood  that  soul  to  be  then  in  the  state 
of  mortal  sin.  What  a  sight  must  it  have  been  to  behold 
Thy  beauty,  0  Lord  !  in  the  midst  of  such  horrible  figures ! 
These  devils  were  so  confounded  and  terrified  by  Thy  pre¬ 
sence,  that  they  would  willingly  have  gone  from  thence,  if 
they  could  have  obtained  Thy  leave.  This  sight  gave  me 
such  great  affliction,  that  I  was  scarce  able  to  communicate  ; 
and  I  was  in  great  fear,  thinking  that  if  it  had  been  a  vision 
from  God,  His  Majesty  would  not,  at  such  a  time,  have 
allowed  me  to  see  it ;  but  it  was  permitted,  that  I  might  un¬ 
derstand  what  power  the  words  of  consecration  have,  since 
God  would  not  be  kept  away,  however  wicked  the  priest 
might  be  who  pronounced  them.  Our  Lord  himself  told  me 
to  pray  for  him,  and  that  He  allowed  me  to  behold  this  vis¬ 
ion,  that  I  might  see  His  wonderful  goodness,  in  not  forbear¬ 
ing- to  put  Himself  into  the  hands  even  of  His  enemy,  and 
this  for  the  good  both  of  me  and  of  all  men.  I  understood 
then  very  clearly,  how  priests  are  bound  to  be  much  more 
virtuous  than  other  men,  and  how  terrible  a  crime  it  is  to 
receive  the  most  Blessed  Sacrament  unworthily,  and  how 
absolutely  the  devil  has  possession  of  a  soul  in  mortal  sin. 
This  vision  did  me  a  great  deal  of  good,  and  gave  me  a  very 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


359 


deep  knowledge  of  what  I  owed  to  God.  May  He  be  blessed 
forever  and  ever ! 

On  another  occasion  there  happened  to  me  something  else, 
which  amazed  me  extremely.  I  was  in  a  certain  place  where 
a  person  died,  who  had  lived  very  badly  for  many  years,  but 
for  the  last  two  years  had  been  sick,  and  in  some  things 
seemed  to  be  reformed.  This  man  died  without  confession  ; 
but  still  I  did  not  think  he  would  be  condemned.  While, 
however,  his  friends  were  preparing  the  body  for  burial,  I 
saw  several  devils  take  the  corpse,  and  they  seemed  to  be 
sporting  with  it,  and  practicing  many  cruelties  upon  it,  which 
struck  me  with  great  terror,  for  they  tore  it  with  certain 
sharp  hooks,  and  tossed  it  from  one  to  the  other.  WThen 
afterwards  I  saw  him  taken  to  be  buried,  with  the  usual 
pomp  and  ceremonies,  I  considered  the  goodness  of  God  in 
not  permitting  the  soul  even  of  that  man  to  be  defamed,  but 
in  so  permitting  it  to  be  concealed  that  he  was  His  enemy. 
During  all  the  time  of  the  office  for  the  dead  I  did  not  see 
any  devil ;  but,  when  afterwards  they  put  the  body  into  the 
grave,  there  stood  such  a  multitude  of  them  within,  that  I 
was  utterly  amazed  to  behold  them,  and  I  had  need  of  great 
courage  to  conceal  my  emotions.  I  considered  how  those 
devils  would  treat  tljat  soul,  when  they  exercised  such  tyranny 
over  the  poor  body.  Would  to  God  that  this  dreadful  spec¬ 
tacle  which  I  saw,  could  have  been  seen  also  by  those  who 
are  in  mortal  sin,  for  I  think  it  would  be  a  powerful  motive 
to  induce  them  to  amend  their  lives.  All  this  obliges  me  to 
know  the  more  what  I  owe  to  God,  and  from  what  He  has 
delivered  me.  I  had  great  fears  till  I  mentioned  these  things 
to  my  confessor,  thinking  the  vision  might,  perhaps,  be  some 
illusion  of  the  devil  to  defame  that  soul,  though  the  man  was 
not  considered  to  be  a  very  good  Christian.  However,  the 
truth  is,  that  whether  it  were  an  illusion  or  no,  I  am  always 
frightened  when  I  remember  it. 

And  now,  since  I  have  begun  to  speak  of  visions  which 
relate  to  the  dead,  I  will  also  mention  some  other  things  con-* 
cerning  souls  which  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  that  I  should 
see.  But  I  will  speak  only  of  a  few,  for  the  sake  of  brevity, 
and  because  it  is  not  necessary  in  the  way  of  receiving  any 
benefit.  News  was  brought  to  me  of  the  death  of  one  who 


360 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


had  been  Provincial  here ;  but  when  he  died  he  was  the  Pro¬ 
vincial  of  another  province.  I  had  transacted  a  great  deal 
of  business  with  him,  and  had  also  been  indebted  to  him  for 
some  good  offices  which  he  had  done  me  :  he  was  a  virtuous 
person.  When  I  heard  that  he  was  dead,  I  was  greatly 
troubled  thereat,  because  I  was  afraid  for  his  salvation,  inas-  ^ 
much  as  he  had  been  superior  for  twenty  years,— a  responsi¬ 
bility  I  dread  much,  because  it  is  very  dangerous  to  have  the 
care  of  souls.  I  went  therefore  in  great  trouble  to  an  ora¬ 
tory  to  pray  for  his  soul.  I  gave  him  all  that  good  which  I 
had  ever  done  in  my  whole  life,  which  was  little  enough  ;  and 
I  besought  our  Lord,  that  His  merits  might  supply  for  what 
that  soul  wanted  in  order  to  deliver  her  from  purgatory. 
While  I  was  begging  this  favor  from  our  Lord  in  the  best 
manner  I  could,  he  seemed  to  rise  up  from  some  deep  part 
of  the  earth,  on  my  right  side,  and  so  I  saw  him  ascend  to 
heaven  with  very  great  joy.  He  was  very  old  before  he  died ; 
but  he  now  seemed  to  be  about  the  age  of  thirty,  or  rather 
somewhat  less,  and  his  face  shone  very  brightly.  This  vision 
passed  away  very  speedily,  but  yet  I  was  so  much  comforted 
by  it,  that  his  death  gave  me  now  no  more  grief,  though 
many  others  were  troubled  about  him,  for  he  was  much  be¬ 
loved.  The  comfort  my  soul  experienced  was  so  great,  that 
I  had  no  care  about  anything  else,  and  I  could  not  possibly 
doubt  but  that  the  vision  was  true  j  that  is,  no  delusion. 
This  happened  but  fifteen  days  after  his  death  ;  but  still  I 
was  not  negligent  in  procuring  prayers  to  be  offered  up  for 
him  to  God,  and  in  praying  for  him  myself,  except  that  I 
could  not  do  this  so  willingly,  had  I  not  seen  this  vision ;  for 
when  our  Lord  shows  me  a  soul  in  this  state,  and  I  afterwards 
wish  to  recommend  it  to  His  Majesty,  I  cannot  help  thinking 
that  it  is  as  if  I  gave  an  alms  to  a  rich  man  ;  but  learnt  after¬ 
wards  (for  the  man  died  at  a  great  distance),  that  the  death 
which  our  Lord  granted  to  him  was  so  edifying,  that  all  were 
astonished  at  the  self-knowledge,  contrition,  and  humility 
with  which  he  departed. 

A  nun  died  in  our  house  about  a  day  and  a  half  before 
this  occurred,  whereof  I  am  going  to  speak :  she  had  been 
a  great  servant  of  God  ;  and  while  we  were  reciting  for  her 
soul  the  office  of  the  dead  in  the  choir,  where  I  stood  by  and 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


361 


assisted  in  reciting  the  verse,  I  thought  in  the  middle  of  the 
lesson,  that  her  soul  rose  from  the  same  side  as  the  other 
did,  and  so  went  to  heaven.  This  was  no  imaginary  vision 
like  the  last ;  but  like  others  which  I  have  mentioned  before ; 
yet  these  are  no  less  certain  than  those  others  which  are  seen. 

.  Another  nun,  between  eighteen  and  twenty  years  of  age, 
died  in  the  same  house.  She  had  always  been  infirm,  and  a 
great  servant  of  God,  and  very  diligent  in  the  choir.  I 
thought  for  certain  that  she  would  not  have  gone  to  purga¬ 
tory,  on  account  of  the  long  sickness  she  had  endured,  but 
rather  that  there  would  have  been  supernumerary  merits. 
But  while  we  were  reciting  the  office,  about  four  hours  after 
she  died,  I  perceived  that  her  soul  rose  out  of  the  same  place, 
and  went  to  heaven.  Being  one  day  in  a  church  of  the 
Society  of  Jesus,  oppressed  with  those  great  afflictions  and 
troubles,  of  which  I  have  spoken  sometimes,  and  which  I  still 
have  both  in  soul  and  body,  I  found  myself  in  such  a  condi¬ 
tion,  that  I  thought  I  was  not  able  so  much  as  to  entertain 
one  good  thought.  That  night  a  father  of  the  Society  had 
died  in  the  same  house,  and  mass  was  then  being  offered  for 
the  repose  of  his  soul.  While  I  was  recommending  him  to 
God  as  well  as  I  was  able,  I  fell  into  a  very  great  rapture, 
and  I  saw  him  ascending  into  heaven  in  great  glory,  our  Lord 
himself  accompanying  him  by  a  particular  favor. 

Another  friar  of  our  Order,  a  very  good  man,  was  very 
dangerously  ill ;  and  I  being  then  at  mass,  fell  into  recollec¬ 
tion,  and  saw  him  departing  out  of  this  world,  and  going 
immediately  to  heaven,  without  entering  purgatory  at  all ; 
and  he  died,  as  I  was  told  afterwards,  at  the  very  hour  that 
1  saw  him.  I  wondered  that  he  had  escaped  purgatory  ;  but 
was  given  to  understand,  that  as  he  was  a  religious,  and  had 
carefully  observed  the  vows  of  his  profession,  the  Bulls  of 
indulgence  granted  in  favor  of  the  Order,  had  availed  him 
towards  his  exemption  from  purgatory.  This,  I  suppose,  was 
signified  to  me,  as  implying,  that  more  is  required  to  make  a 
religious  than  merely  wearing  the  habit. 

•j\WP  re.^e  110  more  of  these  things,  because  (as  I  have 
said)  there  is  no  necessity  for  it,  though  our  Lord  has  done 
me  the  favor  to  show  me  very  many.  But  among  all  the 
souls  which  I  have  seen,  I  did  not  understand  that  any  one 


LIFE  OF  gT. TERESA. 


302 

escaped  going  to  purgatory,  but  only  this  last  Father,  and 
that  holy  man,  Peter  of  Alcantara,  and  another  holy  man, 
of  the  Order  of  St.  Dominic  (Peter  Ibanez).  Our  Lord  has 
also  been  pleased  to  let  me  see  the  several  degrees  of  glory 
to  which  they  have  been  raised,  the  places  being  represented 
to  me  wherein  they  are  :  there  is  a  great  difference  between 
some  and  others. 


CHAPTER  XXXIX. 

THE  SAINT  GIVES  AN  ACCOUNT  OF  OTHKR  MIRACULOUS  GRACES  AND 

8UBLIME  VISIONS  WITH  WHICH  SHE  WAS  FAVORED  BY  OUR  LORD. 

I  was  once  very  importunate  with  our  Lord,  that  He 
would  be  pleased  to  restore  sight  to  a  certain  person  to  whom 
I  was  under  great  obligations,  who  had  become  almost  quite 
blind ;  and  I  was  afraid  our  Lprd  would  not  hear  my  prayer, 
on  account  of  my  sins.  He  tlien  appeared  to  me,  as  He  had 
done  at  other  times,  and  began  to  show  me  the  wound  in  His 
left  hand,  and  with  His  right  hand  He  drew  out  the  great 
nail  which  had  been  fastened  in  it:  and  I  thought  that  some 
of  the  very  flesh  came  out  with  the  nail,  by  which  it  was 
evident  .how  great  was  the  pain  it  caused  Him.  The  sight 
of  it  pierced  my  heart  with  grief.  He  told  me,  u  that  since 
He  had  endured  that  for  my  sake,  I  should  not  doubt  but 
that  He  would  more  willingly  grant  this  request  of  mine  ; 
and  so  He  promised  me,  that  I  should  ask  Him  nothing  that 
He  would  not  do;  for  He  knew  already,  that  I  would  beg 
nothing  of  Him  but  what  shorl  1  be  for  His  glory,  and  that 
He  would  grant  this  favor  v.  hich  I  now  begged  for.  He 
bade  me  also  consider,  that  even  when  I  did  not  serve  Him, 
I  had  not  desired  anything  of  Him  which  He  had  not 
granted,  even  better  than  1  knew  how  to  ask  :  and,  there¬ 
fore,  how  much  more  would  He  do  it  now,  when  He  knew  I 
love'd  Him !  And  that  I  must  not  doubt  His  word.”  I 
think  eight  days  had  not  passed  before  our  Lord  restored 
sight  to  this  person.  I  informed  my  confessor  of  this  imme¬ 
diately  when  it  happened. 

Another  time,  there  was  a  person  sick  of  a  very  painful 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


363 


infirmity,  but  as  I  do  not  know  what  the  disease  was,  I  can¬ 
not  give  the  particulars.  It  was  very  insupportable,  and  he 
had  been  troubled  with  it  for  two  months,  and  had  been  tor¬ 
mented  in  such  a  way  as  to  be  almost  torn  in  pieces.  My 
confessor,  who  was  the  rector  I  have  mentioned,  went  to  see 
him ;  and,  as  he  took  great  compassion  on  him,,  he  told  me  I 
must  by  all  means  go  and  see  him,  for  he  was  a  relation  of 
mine.  I  went,  and  took  so  much  pity  on  him,  that  I  began 
to  beg  his  health  of  our  Lord,  in  a  very  earnest  and  impor¬ 
tunate  manner.  In  this  I  saw  clearly  the  favor  our  Lord 
was  pleased  to  grant  me,  for  immediately  the  very  next  day, 
he  was  quite  free  from  his  pain. 

I  was  once  in  very  great  trouble,  because  I  knew  a  cer¬ 
tain  person,  to  whom  I  was  much  indebted,  was  resolved  to 
do  a  thing  which  was  greatly  against  the  honor  of  God,  as 
well  as  his  own,  and  yet  he  was  resolutely  bent  upon  it.  My 
affliction  was  great,  because  I  knew  not  which  way  to  find 
any  remedy  to  make  him  leave  it,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that 
there  was  none.  I  therefore  begged  very  earnestly  of  God  to 
apply  one,  but  without  seeing  myself  able  to  alleviate  my 
pain.  I  then  went  to  a  little  hermitage,  somewhat  retired, 
where  there  was  a  picture  of  Christ  at  the  pillar ;  and  I  be¬ 
sought  Him  to  do  me  that  favor.  While  I  was  praying,  I 
heard  a  most  sweet  voice  speaking  to  me,  as  if  in  the  act  of 
whistling.  At  this  I  became  greatly  terrified,  though  I  had 
a  strong  desire  to  hear  what  it  said  to  me ;  but  I  could  not, 
for  it  passed  suddenly  away.  But  when  once  my  fear  was 
removed,  which  was  soon,  I  remained  in  such  great  quiet  and 
joy,  and  such  great  interior  delight,  that  I  was  amazed  to 
see  how  only  hearing  a  voice  (and  that  with  my  corporal  ears, 
and  without  any  word)  was  able  to  produce  so  powerful  an 
operation  in  my  soul.  I  perceived  thereby  that  what  I  had 
asked  should  be  done,  and  accordingly  all  my  solicitude  was 
removed,  as  much  as  if  I  had  seen  it  actually  performed,  as 
it  was  afterwards.  I  related  the  whole  matter  to  my  con¬ 
fessors,  both  of  whom  were  then  very  virtuous  and  learned 
men. 

I  knew  also  a  certain  person  who  had  resolved  to  serve 
God  very  seriously,  and  had  practiced  mental  prayer  for 
some  time,  and  therein  His  Majesty  had  shown  him  many 


364 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


favors ;  and  yet  he  omitted  this  kind  of  prayer  upon  certain 
occasions  which  fell  in  his  wray ;  and  he  did  not  avoid  those 
occasions,  though  they  were  very  dangerous.  This  gave  me 
very  great  affliction,  because  the  person  was  one  whom  I 
loved  much,  and  whom  also  I  was  bound  to  love.  I  think 
it  was  more  than  a  month,  during  which  I  did  nothing  else 
hut  beg  of  God  that  He  would  bring  this  soul  back  again 
to  Himself.  At  the  end  of  this  time,  being  one  day  in  prayer, 
I  saw  a  devil  very  near  me,  with  certain  papers  in  his  hands, 
which  he  was  tearing ;  he  seemed  to  be  in  a  very  great  pas¬ 
sion.  This  gave  me  much  comfort,  because  thereby  I  knew 
that  my  request  was  granted;  and  so  it  was,  as  I  learnt 
afterwards  ;  for  the  individual  had  been  to  confession,  which 
he  had  made  with  great  contrition ;  and  he  returned  to  God 
so  earnestly,  that  I  hope  in  His  Majesty  he  will  always 
advance  in  His  service.  May  He  be  blessed  by  all  men ! 
Amen.  ^ 

With  regard  to  our  Lord  delivering  souls  from  grievous 
sins,  at  my  humble  supplication,  and  often  bringing  others 
to  greater  perfection,  and  freeing  souls  from  purgatory,  and 
doing  many  other  extraordinary  things,  these  favors  of  our 
Lord  have  been  so  numerous,  that  I  should  weary  both  my¬ 
self  and  my  reader  were  I  to  mention  them.  These  have 
happened  more  frequently  for  the  benefit  of  souls  than  of 
bodies.  This  is  so  well  known,  that  there  are  many  wit¬ 
nesses  thereof.  At  first,  I  had  many  scruples  about  it,  be¬ 
cause  I  could  not  help  believing  that  our  Lord  was  pleased 
to  do  many  things  by  my  prayers  (I  omit  here  speaking  of 
His  goodness  alone,  which  is  the  principal  reason) ;  but  there 
are  now  so  many  particulars,  and  so  well  known  by  others, 
that  I  have  no  difficulty  in  believing  this.  It  gives  me,  how¬ 
ever,  great  confusion,  because  I  find  myself  still  more  and 
more  His  debtor;  and,  in  my  opinion,  it  increases  my  desire 
to  serve  Him,  and  it  revives  my  love.  But  that  which 
astonishes  me  still  more,  is,  that  those  things  which  our  Lord 
finds  not  to  be  convenient,  I  cannot  beg  of  Him,  though  I 
might  wish  to  do  so,  except  with  such  little  strength,  spirit, 
and  attention,  that  though  I  would  fain  force  myself,  it  is 
impossible  for  me  to  do  so  in  these,  as  in  those  other  things 
which  His  Majesty  intends  to  perform,  Such,  I  see,  I  am 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  365 

able  to  beg  often,  and  with  great  importunity ;  and  tl lough 
I  am  not  particularly  anxious  about  them,  yet,  methinks, 
they  come  before  me  of  themselves.  The  difference  between 
the  two  ways  of  asking  is  so  great,  that  I  am  unable  to  ex¬ 
plain  it.  Though  I  ask  only  for  one  favor  (and  herein  I 
urge  myself  to  beg  the  favor  from  our  Lord,  though  I  do 
not  feel  that  fervor  within  me,  which  I  do  in  those  other 
cases,  and  yet  these  are  closely  connected  with  my  welfare) ; 
still,  it  is  as  if  a  man  were  tongue-tied,  who,  although  he 
would  fain  speak,  yet  cannot  5  and  if  the  people  speak,  it  is 
in  such  a  way  that  he  sees  they  do  not  understand  him ;  but, 
in  the  other  case,  it  is  when  a  person  speaks  to  another 
clearly  and  plainly,  and  whom  he  finds  very  willing  to  hear 
him.  Let  us  say  also  that  one  of  these  favors  is  begged,  as 
if  we  were  engaged  in  vocal  prayer  5  and  the  other,  by  a 
contemplation  so  sublime,  that  our  Lord  represents  Himself 
in  such  a  way,  that  we  understand  that  He  understands  us, 
and  that  His  Majesty  rejoices  in  doing  us  the  favor  which  we 
beg  of  Him.  May  He  always  be  blessed  who  gives  so  much, 
and  to  whom  I  give  so  little!  For  what,  0  Lord  !  does  he 
do,  who  does  not  wholly  annihilate  himself  for  Thee?  And 
yet,  how  much — how  much — how  much,  and  a  thousand 
times  more  might  I  say,  how  much  am  I  wanting  in  this  re¬ 
spect  ?  On  this  account,  I  do  not  wish  to  live  ( though  I 
have  other  reasons  also),  because  I  do  not  live  according  to 
my  obligations  towards  Thee.  How  full  of  imperfections  do 
I  see  myself !  What  lukewarmness  in  Thy  service  !  Some¬ 
times  I  really  wish  I  had  no  sense,  that  so  I  might  not  know 
how  much  evil  there  is  about  me  :  may  He  apply  the  remedy 
who  can  do  so ! 

Being  in  the  house  of  a  certain  lady,  of  whom  I  have 
spoken  before,  it  was  necessary  to  take  great  care,  and 
always  to  be  considering  the  vanity  of  worldly  things,  be¬ 
cause  I  was  much  esteemed  and  praised  there ;  and  there 
were  many  occasions  into  which  I  might  have  fallen,  if  I  had 
looked  to  myself.  But  I  looked  up  to  Him,  who  has  assured 
me,  that  He  would  always  protect  me ;  as  I  am  now  speak¬ 
ing  of  having  a  true  knowledge  of  things,  I  remember  the 
great  troubles  which  those  persons,  whom  it  has  pleased  God 
to  endue  with  a  knowledge  of  the  truth,  must  suffer  when 
31* 


366 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


forced  to  treat  with  others  about  these  earthly  things,  where 
so  much  is  disguised,  as  our  Lord  Himself  once  told  me. 
Many  of  the  things  which  I  mention  here  do  not  come  from 
myself,  but  have  been  told  me  by  my  heavenly  Master.  And, 
because  in  all  those  things  wherein  I  used  to  express  myself 
positively  in  these  words  *.  “  This  I  understand ;”  or,  u  Oui 
Lord  told  me;”  I  find  very  great  scruple  either  in  adding 
or  diminishing  a  syllable  thereof,  whenever  I  do  not  ex¬ 
pressly  remember  every  circumstance,  I  am  accustomed 
always  to  mention  that  as  in  my  own  name.  Some  things, 
however,  come  from  myself,  though  I  do  not  remember  any¬ 
thing  of  mine,  which  is  good  in  itself,  because  there  is  no 
such  quality  in  me,  except  what  our  Lord  has  given  me, 
without  any  merit  on  my  part.  I  call  it  a  thing  said  by  me, 
when  it  does  not  come  to  my  knowledge  by  revelation. 

But,  0  my  God  !  how  comes  it,  that  even  in  spiritual 
matters,  we  are  resolved  many  times  to  understand  things 
just  according  to  our  own  opinion,  and  to  twist  them  from 
the  true  sense,  as  we  always  do  with  regard  to  the  things 
of  this  world ;  and  we  think  we  must  estimate  our  spiritual 
advancement,  according  to  the  years  we  have  had  some  prac¬ 
tice  in  prayer?  It  seems,  also,  that  we  wish  to  put  a  tax 
upon  Him,  who,  subject  to  no  restraint,  bestows  His  gifts 
when  He  wills,  and  who  can  give  more  to  one  in  half  a  year, 
than  to  another  in  many  years.  These  things  I  have  so  often 
seen  verified  in  many  persons,  that  I  wonder  how  we  can 
have  the  least  doubt  thereof.  But  I  firmly  believe,  that  a 
man  who  has  any  talent  in  discerning  spirits,  and  to  whom 
our  Lord  has  given  true  humility,  will  not  be  subject  to  this 
error.  Such  a  person  judges  of  things  by  their  effects,  and 
by  the  resolutions,  and  love  produced  ;  and  our  Lord  gives 
him  light  whereby  he  may  understand  it ;  and  by  that  he 
also  discerns  the  proficiency  and  improvement  of  souls,  and 
not  by  the  number  of  years,  because  one  may  have  obtained 
more  in  six  months  than  another  in  twenty  years.  As  I 
have  said  before,  our  Lord  gives  His  favors  to  whom  He 
wills and  frequently  He  gives  them  to  such  as  dispose 
themselves  best  to  receive  them.  There  have  now  come  to 
this  house  certain  ladies,  who  are  very  young;  but,  as  our 
Lord  has  touched  their  hearts,  and  given  them  a  little  light 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  367 

and  love  (and  this  in  a  very  short  time,  wherein  He  is  pleased 
to  impart  some  pleasures  to  them),  they  do  not  stay  and 
pause,  nor  is  any  difficulty  able  to  stop  them ;  but  they  go 
on,  without  even  remembering  their  meals  ;  and  they  shut 
themselves  up  forever  in  a  house,  without  any  revenue,  like 
a  person  who  does  not  value  his  life,  for  the  love  of  Him, 
who  they  know  loves  them.  They  abandon  all  things,  nor 
have  they  any  will  of  their  own ;  ‘nor  do  they  represent  to 
themselves,  that  sometimes  they  may,  perhaps,  feel  unhappy 
through  being  so  strictly  enclosed;  but  all  of  them  together 
offer  themselves  in  sacrifice  to  God.  How  willingly  do  I 
allow  them  to  get  before  me  herein  ?  And  how  ought  I  to 
be  confounded  and  ashamed  in  the  presence  of  God,  to  see 
that  what  His  Majesty  did  not  accomplish  in  me  during  so 
many  years,  since  I  began  to  use  mental  prayer,  and  He  be¬ 
gan  to  bestow  favors  upon  me,  He  has  accomplished  in  them 
within  three  months ;  yea,  even  with  some  of  them  in  three 
days,  though  He  bestowed  upon  them  less  favors  than  He 
did  upon  me ;  still,  His  Majesty  rewards  them  well :  I  am 
quite  certain,  then,  that  they  are  far  from  being  sorry  for 
what  they  have  done  for  the  love  of  our  Lord. 

For  this  purpose,  I  wish  we  would  remember  how  many 
years  it  is  since  we  made  our  profession,  and  have  practiced 
prayer;  but  not  with  the  object  of  disturbing  those,  and 
making  them  turn  back,  who  have  advanced  a  great  deal  in 
a  short  time,  that  so  we  may  induce  them  to  go  our  pace. 
This  would  be  to  make  them  who  fly  like  eagles  (through 
the  favors  which  it  has  pleased  God  to  show  them)  to  walk 
no  faster  than  a  strong  hen  ;  rather  must  we  fix  our  eyes  on 
His  divine  Majesty,  and  if  we  find  those  persons  humble  whom 
we  find  to  be  so  much  in  advance,  then  we  should  let  them 
have  a  free  course  ;  for  certainly  our  Lord,  who  shows  such 
great  favors,  will  never  suffer  them  to  fall  headlong.  They 
put  their  trust  in  God,  and  this  benefit  they  reap  from  the 
truths  which  faith  teaches  them !  and  shall  not  we  then  trust 
them  ?  Must  we  wish  to  measure  them  by  our  measure,  ac¬ 
cording  to  the  littleness  and  lowliness  of  our  minds'?  No! 
not  so  ;  for  if  we  cannot  acquire  those  strong  affections  and 
resolutions  (and  these  cannot  be  well  understood  without 
experience),  let  us  humble  ourselves,  and  not  condemn  them. 


368 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


By  seeming  to  look  at  their  advancement,  we  shall  deprive 
ourselves  of  our  own,  and  lose  the  occasion  our  Lord  gives 
us  for  our  own  greater  humility,  and  for  better  understand¬ 
ing  how  much  we  are  still  deficient  in,  and  also  that  we  may 
see  how  much  more  those  other  souls  are  disengaged  from 
all  earthly  things  than  we  are ;  and  how  much  more  closely 
they  are  united  to  God  than  we  are,  since  His  Majesty  ap¬ 
proaches  so  near  to  them. 

I  mean  nothing  more,  nor  do  I  desire  to  be  understood 
further,  than  that  I  had  much  rather  have  such  prayer  for  a 
short  time,  and  which  is  found  to  produce  such  great  effects 
(and  these  are  known  immediately ;  for  it  is  impossible  that 
one  should  be  content  to  forsake  the  whole  world  at  once,  for 
the  sole  reason  of  pleasing  God,  without  being  impelled  by 
the  great  force  of  love)  than  that  which  has  continued  for 
many  years>  and  never  made  an  end  of  resolving  more  at  the 
last  than  the  first  to  do  anything  for  the  service  of  God,  unless 
it  be  some  insignificant  little  things  no  bigger  than  a  grain 
of  salt,  which  has  neither  weight  nor  bulk,  except  what  a 
bird  might  carry  in  its  bill.  Let  us  not  look  upon  it  as  any 
notable  effect  or  mortification  when  we  make  great  account 
of  doing  some  things  for  the  love  of  our  Lord,  which  it  is  a 
pity  we  should  value  at  such  a  rate,  however  many  such  acts 
we  may  perform.  I  am  myself  one  of  these  persons,  and  I 
continually  forget  the  favors  of  God.  I  say  not  but  that 
His  Majesty  will  put  some  value  on  these  little  things,  for  He 
is  good  :  but  I  do  not  wish  to  make  any  account  of  them, 
nor  so  much  as  see  that  I  do  them,  since  they  are  nothing. 
But  pardon  me,  0  Lord  !  and  blame  me  not ;  for  I  must  con¬ 
sole  myself  with  something,  since  I  serve  Thee  in  nothing  :  for 
if  I  really  did  serve  Thee  in  great  things,  I  would  make  no 
account  of  these  nothings.  Happy  are  they  who  do  Thee 
service  by  their  noble  actions !  If  by  envying  them,  and 
desiring  to  do  the  like,  might  be  accepted  by  Thee  as  for 
payment  of  what  I  owe,  I  should  not  be  very  far  behind  in 
pleasing  Thee.  But,  0  my  Lord  !  I  am  good  for  nothing  i 
give  me  some  value,  since  Thou  lovest  me  so  much. 

There  lately  came  a  brief  from  Rome,  ordering  that  this 
monastery  should  be  incapable  of  having  revenue.  This 
circumstance  completed  everything :  and  though  it  cost  me 


§ome  trouble  to  accomplish  this  object,  yet  it  gave  me  great 
consolation  to  see  things  thus  settled.  Reflecting  upon  the 
difficulties  I  had  met  with,  and  praising  our  Lord  for  being 
pleased  to  have  made  use  of  me,  I  began  to  look  back  upon 
what  had  happened ;  and  it  is  very  true,  that  in  every  one 
of  those  particulars  wherein  there  might  be  any  appearance 
that  I  had  contributed,  I  found  many  faults  and  imperfec¬ 
tions,  and  sometimes  little  courage,  and  oftentimes  little 
faith.  Up  to  this  time,  when  I  see  everything  accomplished 
which  our  Lord  told  me  should  be  done  concerning  this  house, 

I  never  did  come  to  any  fixed  belief  that  this  would  be  the 
case,  though  yet  I  could  not  doubt  it  in  the  least .  neither 
did  I  know  how  all  this  could  be  ;  but  often  it  seemed  impos¬ 
sible  on  one  side,  and  yet  it  could  not  be  doubted  on  the 
other.  I  mean,  one  could  not  help  believing  that  the  under¬ 
taking  would  not  be  accomplished.  In  a  word,  I  found  that 
our  Lord  himself  did  all  the  good  which  was  done,  and  I  all 
the  evil  ;  and  so  I  gave  over  thinking  about  it,  and  would 
not  call  it  to  my  remembrance,  lest  I  might  stumble  on  my 
numerous  faults.  Blessed  be  He  who  when  He  pleaseth 

draws  good  from  them  all.  Amen. 

I  say,  then,  that  it  is  a  dangerous  thing  to  go  measuring 
the  years  during  which  we  have  practiced  prayer :  for  al¬ 
though  there  may  be  humility,  yet  there  may  also  be  some¬ 
thing  else,— an  opinion  that  we  had  deserved  some  favor  for 
our  pains.  I  do  not  deny  but  that  these  years  have  acquired 
some  merit  for  us,  and  so  we  shall  be  well  paid  for  them  . 
but  if  any  spiritual  person  shall  think,  that  for  the  many 
years  in  which  he  has  practiced  prayer  he  deserves  these 
great  favors,  I  consider  it  certain  he  will  never  have  them. 
It  is  not  enough  that  he  has  been  protected  by  God  from 
committing  such  sins  as  he  fell  into  before  he  gave  himself 
to  prayer,  but  now  he  must  needs  sue  His  Majesty  for  His 
own  money,  as  the  saying  is.  This  does  not  seem  to  me  pro¬ 
found  humility,  but  yet  it  may  be  so :  but  I  think  it  rather 
a  boldness,  since  I  who  have  such  little  humility  never  dare 
presume  so  far.  But  as  I  never  did  God  any  service,  I  beg¬ 
ged  no  such  favor  from  Him  ;  whereas,  if  I  had  done  any*  I 
should  have  desired  (more  than  any  other)  of  our  Lord,  that 
I  might  be  rewarded  for  my  pains.  I  do  not  say  but  that  a 


370 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


soul  may  go  on  increasing  by  this  means,  and  that  God  will 
make  her  amends,  if  her  prayer  has  been  humble.  But  we 
shdTild  not  call  to  mind  those  years  ;  for  whatever  we  are 
able  to  do  is  all  mean  and  vile  in  comparison  with  the  least 
drop  of  that  blood  which  our  Lord  shed  for  us.  And  if  the 
more  we  serve  the  more  we  become  His  debtors,  how  strange 
that  we  should  begin  asking  for  recompenses,  since  if  we  pay 
a  farthing  of  the  old  debt,  He  returns  us  a  thousand  ducats 
for  it.  For  the  love  of  God,  let  us  leave  these  judgments 
which  belong  to  Him.  These  comparisons  are  always  bad, 
even  in  things  of  this  world :  and  what  will  they  be  in  that 
which  God  only  knows  ?  His  Majesty  gave  a  good  example 
of  this,  when  He  paid  the  last  as  much  as  the  first  (in  the 
parable  of  the  Gospel). 

I*  have  written  these  three  leaves  at  so  many  different 
times  during  several  days  (for  I  had,  and  have  still,  as  I  said, 
so  little  leisure),  that  I  forgot  what  I  was  beginning  to  say 
about  this  vision  ;  and  it  is  this  : — Being  one  day  in  prayer, 
I  saw  in  a  great  field,  where  I  was  by  myself,  people  of  dif¬ 
ferent  kind  around  me  :  it  seemed  to  me  that  every  one  of 
them  had  arms  in  his  hands  to  injure  me  :  some  had  lances, 
some  swords,  some  daggers,  and  others  very  long  tucks.f 
In  a  w7ord,  I  found  I  could  not  get  out  of  this  place  in  any 
direction  without  exposing  myself  to  death,  especially  as  I 
was  alone,  and  had  no  one  to  take  my  part.  Being  in  such 
great  affliction  of  spirit  that  I  knew  not  what  to  do,  I  lifted 
up  my  eyes  and  saw  Christ  our  Lord, — not  in  heaven,  but 
very  high  above  me  in  the  air;  and  He  stretched  forth  His 
hand  to  me,  and  favored  me  in  such  a  manner  from  that 
time,  that  I  neither  feared  all  the  other  people,  nor  were 
they  able  to  do  me  any  harm,  even  if  they  wished.  This 
vision  seemed  at  first  to  be  without  any  fruit,  but  it  has  since 
done  me  a  great  deal  of  good,  because  I  have  come  to  under¬ 
stand  what  it  meant.  For  shortly  after,  I  found  myself 
placed  in  almost  a  similar  engagement,  and  I  knew  this  vis¬ 
ion  was  quite  a  figure  and  representation  of  the  world.  For 
all  that  is  in  it  seems  to  carry  with  it  weapons  to  injure  our 


*  The  Saint  here  resumes  the  thread  of  her  discourse, 
f  “  Estdques — long  narrow  swords, — tucks. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  371 

poor  soul, — as  honors,  riches,  and  pleasures,  &c.  It  is  clear 
that  the  soul  gets  caught  in  a  net  before  she  is  aware  ;  at 
least,  all  these  things  do  their  best  to  ensnare  us  :  nay,  friends, 
kindred,  and  (what  amazes  me  more)  even  persons  who  are 
very  virtuous.  Afterwards  I  found  myself  so  tied  by  them 
(they  thinking  in  the  meantime  no  harm  was  done  by  them), 
that  I  knew  not  how  to  defend  myself,  or  what  to  do.  0  my 
God  !  if  I  could  relate  all  the  various  kind  of  troubles  which 
I  endured  at  this  time,  even  after  I  had  suffered-  what  I  have 
mentioned  before,  this  would  be  sufficient  to  make  one  utterly 
abhor  everything  here  below  ;  for  it  was,  I  think,  the  great¬ 
est  persecution  that  ever  I  had  to  endure.  I  sometimes 
found  myself  so  straitened  on  all  sides,  that  I  only  found 
a  remedy  in  lifting  up  my  eyes  to  heaven,  and  calling  upon 
God.  I  remembered  very  well  what  I  had  seen  in  this  vis¬ 
ion  ;  and  it  did  me  a  great  deal  of  good,  towards  making  me 
not  put  confidence  in  any  one  ;  for  no  one  is  firm  and  stable 
but  God.  In  all  these  great  afflictions  which  God  sent  me,  He 
always  provided  some  person  or  other  who  might  assist  me, 
in  Ilis  name,  as  He  assured  He  would,  and  as  He  showed  me 
in  this  last  vision,  without  attaching  myself  to  anything,  but 
wishing  only  to  please  Him  :  and  this  has  been  sufficient  to 
support  the  poor  little  degree  of  virtue  I  had  in  desiring  to 
serve  Him.  Be  Thou  blessed  forever ! 

Being  once  very  unquiet  and  troubled,  so  as  not  to  be 
able  to  recollect  myself;  and,  moreover,  being  engaged  in  a 
battle  and  conflict,  with  my  thoughts  roving  upon  things  not 
very  perfect,  and  not  seeming  to  myself  to  be  so  perfectly 
untied  from  all  things  as  I  used  to  be,  when  I  saw  myself  so 
wicked,  I  began  to  be  afraid  lest  the  favors  which  our  Lord 
had  shown  me  might  be  illusions,  and  I  remained  in  very 
great  obscurity.  While  I  was  in  this  affliction,  our  Lord 
began  to  speak  to  me,  and  bade  me  “  not  to  be  thus  disqui¬ 
eted,  but  as  I  found  myself  in  my  present  state,  I  should 
thereby  understand  how  great  a  misery  I  should  be  in  if  once 
lie  should  depart  from  me  ;  and  that  there  was  no  security  as 
long  as  we  lived  in  this  flesh  of  ours.”  I  was  also  given  to 
understand  how  well  our  labor  was  employed  in  this  conflict 
and  war,  since  these  combats  would  merit  so  great  a  reward. 
Our  Lord  likewise  seemed  to  pity  those  who  lived  in  the 


372 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


world,  adding,  “that  I  must  not  think  He  had  forgotten  me: 
that  He  would  never  leave  me,  but  yet  that  I  must  still  do 
my  part.”  These  words  He  spoke  with  great  tenderness  and 
affection  :  and  many  other  words  also  His  Majesty  often 
addressed  to  me,  showing  great  favor,  and  which  I  need  not 
here  relate.  These  He  often  spoke  with  great  love  :  “  Thou 
shalt  be  mine,  and  I  will  be  thine.”  And  the  words  which 
I  am  always  accustomed  to  say  (and  in  my  opinion  I  say  them 
with  sincerity),  are  these :  “  What  do  I  care,  0  Lord,  for 
myself,  but  only  for  Thee.” 

But  these  words  and  favors  of  His  give  me  excessive  con¬ 
fusion,  when  I  remember  what  I  am.  Hence  it  seems  (as  I 
think  I  have  often  said,  and  sometimes  say  still  to  my  con¬ 
fessor)  there  is  more  need  of  courage  for  receiving  these  high 
favors,  than  for  enduring  even  the  greatest  afflictions.  When 
this  happens,  I  almost  forget  my  good  works,  and  then  I 
remember  how  wicked  I  am,  without  any  discourse  of  the 
understanding.  This  also  seems  sometimes  to  be  super¬ 
natural. 

Sometimes  there  came  upon  me  such  strong  desires  of  re¬ 
ceiving  the  most  Blessed  Sacrament,  that  I  knew  not  how 
to  express  them  properly.  It  happened  one  morning  to  rain 
so  heavily,  that  it  did  not  seem  fit  for  me  to  go  out  of  doors  : 
however,  when  I  was  out,  I  was  so  far  transported  with  this 
desire,  that  even  though  spears  were  set  against  my  breast, 
methought  I  could  have  passed  through  them  all :  and  how 
much  more  through  water  !  As  soon  as  I  entered  the  church 
I  was  seized  with  a  great  rapture.  It  seemed  as  if  the 
heavens  were  opened,  and  I  saw  there  a  throne  which  had 
been  represented  to  me  before,  as  I  have  told  your  Reve¬ 
rence,  and  above  that  another  throne,  upon  which  I  under¬ 
stood  (in  a  way  I  cannot  express)  that  the  Almighty  rested, 
though  I  saw  Him  not.  This  throne  seemed  to  be  supported 
by  certain  animals,  and  I  considered  whether  they  might  not 
be  the  Evangelists.  But  I  neither  saw  how  the  throne  was 
placed,  nor  who  was  sitting  upon  it,  but  only  a  very  great 
multitude  of  angels  were  around  it.  These  appeared  to  be 
much  more  beautiful  than  those  others  I  had  formerly  seen 
in  heaven.  I  have  been  thinking  whether  they  were  Cheru¬ 
bim  or  Seraphim,  for  they  were  very  different  from  others  in 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  373 

glory,  and  they  seemed  to  be  all  on  fire.  The  glory  which 
I  then  felt  in  myself  can  neither  be  written  nor  described, 
nor  is  any  one  able  to  conceive  it,  but  only  such  as  have 
been  made  partakers  of  it.  I  understand  that  whatever  can 
possibly  be  desired  was  there  united,  and  yet  I  saw  nothing. 
They  told  me  (though  I  know  not  who),  that  what  I  could 
do  there  was  to  understand  that  I  could  understand  nothing, 
but  that  I  might  see  the  nothingness  of  all  things  in  com¬ 
parison  with  that.  And  it  is  true ;  my  soul  was  afterwards 
confounded  to  observe  that  she  was  able  to  rest  at  all  on 
anything  created,  and  how  much  more  to  be  affected  by  it, 
for  everything  seemed  to  me  no  more  than  an  ant-hill.  1 
communicated,  and  remained  during  the  whole  of  the  mass, 
though  I  knew  not  how  it  could  be  so.  The  time  seemed 
to  me  to  have  been  very  short ;  and  I  wondered  when  the 
clock  struck  to  find  that  I  had  been  in  the  rapture  for  two 
hours. 

After  this  I  was  amazed  to  see  how  by  approaching  to 
this  fire,  which  seemed  to  come  from  above,  out  of  the  true 
love  of  God,  the  old  man  of  defects,  and  lukewarmness,  and 
misery,  seems  to  be  consumed  (for  however  much  I  desired 
and  endeavored  to  procure  it,  though  I  was  willing  to  anni¬ 
hilate  myself  for  the  purpose);  yet  it  was  not  in  my  power 
to  get  the  least  spark  thereof,  but  only  when  His  Majesty  is 
pleased  to  give  it.  As  I  have  read  of  the  phoenix,  out  of 
whose  ashes  when  she  is  burnt  another  springs  up,  just  so 
does  a  soul  become  quite  another  creature,  with  desires 
wholly  different,  and  with  a  courage  so  great,  that  she  seems 
not  to  be  what  she  was  before,  but  begins  to  walk  with  a 
new  kind  of  purity  in  the  way  of  our  Lord.  As  I  was  be¬ 
seeching  His  Majesty  that  this  might  prove  to  be  so  in  my 
case,  and  that  I  might  begin  afresh  to  serve  Him,  He  thus 
spoke  to  me  : — “  Thou  hast  made  a  good  comparison  :  see 
that  thou  forget  not  to  endeavor  always  to  be  improving 
Thyself.” 

Being  once  in  the  same  doubt,  of  which  I  have  spoken 
above,  whether  these  visions  came  from  God,  our  Lord  ap¬ 
peared  to  me,  and  uttered  these  words  with  severity  : — “  0 
ye  sons  of  men,  how  long  will  ye  be  dull  of  heart?”  He 
wished  me  to  examine  myself  well  on  this  point :  whether  I 
82 


374 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA# 


had  wholly  given  up  myself  to  Him  or  no;  and  that  if  I  had 
given  myself  up  and  were  His,  I  should  believe  He  would 
not  suffer  ine  to  perish.  I  was  greatly  afflicted  when  He 
uttered  that  exclamation  ;  but  He  turned  to  me  with  much 
tenderness  and  affection,  and  told  me,  “  that  I  must  not 
afflict  myself:  that  He  knew  well  I  would  not  fail  to  apply 
myself  entirely  to  His  service,  and  that  He  also  would  do 
what  I  desired.”  He  was  then  pleased  to  bestow  the  par¬ 
ticular  favor  I  was  begging  of  Him,  saying,  “  that  I  should 
consider  the  love  which  "was  daily  increasing  in  me,  for 
thereby  I  might  perceive  that  the  devil  had  no  part  in  it, 
and  that  I  must  not  think  God  would  consent  that  the  devil 
should  have  so  much  power  over  the  souls  of  His  servants 
as  to  be  able  to  give  me  such  a  clearness  of  understanding, 
together  with  such  a  repose  of  mind  as  I  possessed.”  He 
also  made  me  understand,  that  since  so  many  persons  had 
told  me  “  that  these  visions  came  from  God,  I  should  do 
wrong  if  I  did  not  believe  them.” 

As  I  was  once  reciting  the  Creed  of  St.  Athanasius, 
“  Quicumque  vult,”  I  was  given  to  understand  the  manner 
how  there  was  only  one  God  in  three  Persons,  and  this  in 
so  clear  a  way  that  I  was  both  comforted  and  amazed  ex¬ 
ceedingly.  This  did  me  a  very  great  deal  of  good  for  in¬ 
creasing  my  knowledge  concerning  the  greatness  of  God  and 
His  wonders.  And  now  when  I  think  or  speak  of  the  most 
Holy  Trinity,  it  seems  as  if  I  knew  something  of  the  mys¬ 
tery  ;  and  this  gives  me  great  pleasure. 

On  the  feast  of  the  Assumption  of  the  Queen  of  Angels, 
our  Blessed  Lady,  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  do  me  this  favor 
in  a  rapture  :  to  represent  to  me  her  Assumption  into  heaven, 
together  with  the  joy  and  solemnity  with  which  she  was  re¬ 
ceived,  and  also  the  place  she  holds.  I  cannot  describe 
what  kind  of  a  vision  this  was.  The  glory  which  my  soul 
had,  to  see  that  hers  is  so  great,  was  extreme ;  and  I  felt 
great  effects  and  improvement  from  such  a  sight,  and  desired 
to  suffer  still  greater  afflictions  here.  It  also  increased  my 
desire  to  serve  our  Lady,  seeing  that  her  merit  was  so 
great. 

Being  one  day  in  a  college  of  the  Society  of  Jesus,  and 
the  Fathers  of  that  house  then  receiving  the  most  Blessed 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


375 


Sacrament,  I  saw  a  very  rich  canopy  over  their  heads ;  and 
this  two  several  times  :  when  other  persons  communicated  I 
did  not  see  it. 


CHAPTER  XL. 

THE  SAINT  CONTINUES  THE  SAME  DISCOURSE,  AND  RELATES  SOME 

MORE  OF  THE  GREAT  FAVORS  OUR  LORD  SHOWED  HER  ;  SHE  THEN 

FINISHES  THE  ACCOUNT  OF  HER  LIFE. 

Being  once  in  prayer,  the  delight  which  I  felt  was  so 
great,  that  knowing  myself  to  be  unworthy  of  such  a  favor, 
I  began  to  consider  how  much  I  deserved  that  place  in  hell, 
which  I  had  seen  prepared  for  me,  and  which  (as  I  said  then) 
I  shall  never  forget.  By  means  of  this  consideration,  my 
soul  began  to  be  much  more  inflamed,  and  there  came  a  rap¬ 
ture-on  me,  but  in  such  a  manner  that  I  know  not  how  to 
explain  it :  for  I  seemed  to  be  plunged  in  that  Majesty  which 
at  other  times  I  only  understood.  In  this  Majesty  I  was 
allowed  to  comprehend  a  certain  truth,  which  is  the  accom¬ 
plishment  of  all  truth.  I  know  not  how  to  relate  it,  for  I 
saw  nothing ;  but  these  words  were  said  to  me,  though  yet  I 
saw  not  any  one  who  spoke  them  :  but  I  knew  well  it  was 
the  same  truth : — “  That  which  I  do  for  thee  is  no  small 
matter,  but  it  is  one  of  those  things  for  which  thou  owest 
Me  much ;  because  all  the  evil  which  happens  to  the  world 
proceeds  from  not  clearly  knowing  the  truths  of  Scripture  : 
one  tit*  le  thereof  shall  not  fail.”  As  regards  myself,  I 
thought  that  I  had  always  believed  this,  and  that  all  the 
faithful  likewise  believed  it.  He  then  said  to  me  again, 
“  Ah,  daughter !  how  few  truly  love  Me !  If  they  did,  I 
would  not  conceal  my  secrets  from  them.  Dost  thou  know 
what  it  is  to  love  Me  according  to  truth  ?  It  is  to  know  that 
all  is  a  lie  which  is  not  pleasing  to  Me.  Thou  shalt  see  this 
clearly,  which  now  thou  dost  not  understand,  by  the  profit 
which  thy  soul  shall  obtain.”  And  so  it  has  been  done,  our 
Lord  be  praised  :  for  from  that  time  everything  which  is  not 
referred  to  the  service  of  God  does  seem  to  me  to  be  so  great 
a  vanity  and  a  lie,  that  I  am  in  no  way  able  to  express  it  as 


376 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


I  understand  it :  neither  can  I  express  the  pity  I  feel  to  seo 
men  live  in  such  great  darkness  respecting  this  truth.  By 
these  words  I  was  benefited  in  many  ways,  of  which  I  will 
here  relate  some,  for  many  others  I  cannot.  Our  Lord  spoke 
a  particular  word  to  me  of  the  greatest  favor.  I  know  not 
how  this  was,  for  I  saw  nothing ;  but  I  remained  afterwards 
(in  a  manner  which  I  cannot  explain,  with  exceeding  great 
fortitude,  and  a  firm  resolution  of  accomplishing  even  the 
least  article  of  the  divine  Scripture  with  all  my  power.  And 
nothing,  it  seems  to  me,  could  present  itself  to  me  through 
which  I  would  not  pass  for  this  purpose. 

There  also  remained  a  truth  of  this  divine  truth,  which 
was  here  represented  to  me,  though  without  my  knowing 
how  or  what,  and  so  deeply  engraven  in  my  heart  that  it 
inspires  me  with  a  new  kind  of  reverence  for  God,  because 
it  imparts  such  a  knowledge  of  His  majesty  and  power,  and 
this  in  such  a  manner  as  cannot  be  expressed.  I  can  only 
understand  it  is  a  wonderful  thing.  I  had  also  a  very  great 
desire  only  to  speak  of  things  that  were  really  true,  and 
which  are  above  whatever  is  spoken  of  here  in  this  world, 
and  so  I  began  to  find  it  painful  to  live  in  it.  This  vision 
left  me  with  great  tenderness,  delight,  and  humility  ;  and  I 
had  no  suspicion  whatever  that  it  was  a  delusion.  I  saw 
nothing,  but  yet  I  understood  the  great  benefit  there  is  in 
not  making  account  of  anything  which  does  not  bring  us 
nearer  to  God  :  I  also  understood  how  important  it  is  for 
souls  to  walk  in  the  truth,  in  presence  of  this  same  truth, 
for  our  Lord  gave  me  to  understand  that  He  is  the  very 
Truth  itself. 

All  that  I  have  mentioned  here  I  sometimes  understood 
by  their  being  spoken  to  me,  and  at  other  times  without  my 
being  spoken  to ;  but  yet  these  I  understood  more  clearly 
than  those  others  which  were  imparted  to  me  by  words. 
I  learnt  very  high  truths  respecting  this  Truth,  and  better 
than  many  learned  men  could  have  taught  me.  It  seems 
to  me,  that  in  no  way  could  they  have  imprinted  them  on  my 
mind,  nor  so  clearly  have  made  me  understand  the  vanity  of 
this  world.  This  Truth  of  which  I  speak  is  the  Truth  in 
itself,  and  is  without  beginning  or  end ;  and  all  other  truths 
depend  upon  this  Truth,  and  all  other  loves  on  this  Love, 


377 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

and  all  other  greatness  upon  this  Greatness ;  though  what  I 
say  is  said  so  dimly,  in  comparison  with  that  clearness  with 
which  our  Lord  was  pleased  to  make  me  understand  it. 
And  how  does  the  power  of  His  Majesty  appear,  in  giving 
so  great  a  gain  in  so  short  a  time,  and  other  such  things  as 
are  imprinted  on  the  soul !  0  greatness  and  majesty  of  my 

God!  What  wonders  dost  Thou  not  do,  my  all-powerful 
God  !  Consider  who  it  is  to  whom  Thou  showest  such  high 
favors.  Dost  Thou  not  remember  how  this  soul  has  been 
a  very  abyss  of  lies — an  ocean  of  vanities  %  And  all  this 
was  through  my  own  fault ;  for  though  Thou  didst  give  me 
an  inclination  which  naturally  abhorred  lying,  yet  I  was  apt 
in  many  things  to  act  in  a  deceitful  way.  How  can  this  be 
endured,  0  my  God !  And  how  can  such  goodness  and 
love  on  Thy  part  be  shown  to  one  who  has  so  ill  deserved 
them  ? 

As  I  was  once  reciting  the  hours  of  the  Divine  Office,  with 
all  the  rest  of  the  nuns,  my  soul  immediately  began  to  be 
recollected ;  and  there  seemed  to  be  something  like  a  clear 
looking-glass,  without  having  anything  either  on  the  back, 
or  on  the  sides,  or  above,  or  below,  which  was  not  all  ex¬ 
ceeding  clear.  In  the  very  centre  of  this  Christ  our  Lord 
was  represented  to  me,  just  as  I  am  accustomed  to  see  Him. 
It  seemed  as  if  I  saw  Him  clearly  in  all  the  parts  of  my 
soul,  as  in  a  looking-glass ;  and  this  glass  was  engraven  all 
over  (though  I  know  not  how),  and  our  Lord  Himself  was 
represented  in  such  a  very  enamored  way  that  I  cannot  ex¬ 
press  it.  I  know  this  vision  has  been  of  great  benefit  to  me, 
every  time  I  remember  it,  especially  after  receiving  the  most 
Blessed  Sacrament.  Hereby  I  was  given  to  understand, 
that  when  a  soul  is  in  mortal  sin,  it  is  like  covering  this  glass 
with  a  great  cloud,  and  making  it  become  very  dark  ;  so 
that  though  our  Lord  be  ever  present  with  us,  thereby  giv¬ 
ing  us  our  very  being,  yet  then  He  is  not  so  represented  or 
seen  in  us ;  and  that  when  any  persons  become  heretics,  then 
the  looking-glass  is,  as  it  were,  broken,  which  is  far  worse 
than  to  be  obscured.  But  there  is  a  great  difference  be¬ 
tween  my  seeing  this  and  relating  it,  for  it  is  difficult  to 
make  it  understood.  But  the  vision  has  done  much  good, 
and  has  filled  me  with  great  grief  for  those  times  wherein  j 
32* 


378 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


myself  obscured  my  soul,  so  as  not  to  be  able  to  behold  my 
Lord. 

This  vision  seems  very  useful  to  persons  of  recollection, 
to  teach  them  a  way  of  thinking  of  our  Lord  as  if  in  the  most 
interior  part  of  their  soul :  and  this  is  a  consideration  which 
keeps  the  closest  to  them,  and  is  much  more  beneficial  than 
if  He  were  considered  as  out  of  the  soul,  according  to  what 
I  have  said  elsewhere :  it  is  also  contained  in  some  books 
written  on  prayer,  by  which  we  are  to  seek  God.  The  glori¬ 
ous  St.  Austin  especially  speaks  of  it,  for  he  tells  us,  that 
neither  in  the  streets,  nor  in  pleasures,  nor  in  public  places, 
where  he  sought  God,  did  he  find  Him  so  well  as  in  himself; 
and  this  is  evidently  the  best  way.  And  there  is  no  need 
for  us  to  go  to  heaven,  nor  any  further  off  than  ourselves, 
for  this  would  only  weary  and  distract  the  soul,  and  not  do 
us  near  so  much  good. 

I  wish  to  mention  one  circumstance  here,  if  any  one  has 
such  a  thing,  and  it  happens  in  a  great  rapture.  When  the 
time  is  past  wherein  the  soul  remains  in  union,  so  that  her 
faculties  are  wholly  absorbed  (and  this  lasts,  as  I  have  said, 
but  a  short  time),  the  soul  remains  still  recollected,  and  is 
not  able,  as  to  the  exterior,  to  return  to  herself.  But  those 
two  faculties,  the  memory  and  the  understanding,  remain  in 
a  kind  of  phrenzy,  and  quite  foolish.  This,  I  say,  happens 
sometimes,  especially  in  the  beginnings.  I  have  been  think¬ 
ing  whether  it  may  not  proceed  from  this,  that  our  natural 
weakness  cannot  bear  such  strength  of  spirit,  by  which  the 
imagination  is  much  weakened  :  I  know  this  happens  to  some. 
Now,  in  such  cases,  I  think  it  would  be  good  to  force  them¬ 
selves  to  leave  off  their  prayers  for  that  time,  and  recover 
afterwards  what  they  lose  then,  so  that  all  come  not  together, 
for  it  might  be  an  occasion  of  much  harm.  I  have  experi¬ 
ence  of  this,  and  also  how  secure  a  thing  it  is  to  consider 
how  much  our  health  can  bear. 

In  all  things  there  will  be  need  of  experience  and  a  master, 
for  when  once  a  soul  has  come  so  far,  many  things  will  occur 
which  will  require  us  to  have  some  one  to  consult ;  and  if 
any  such  cannot  be  found,  when  sought  for,  our  Lord  will 
not  be  wanting  to  them,  since  He  would  not  be  wanting  to 
me,  though  I  am  such  a  wicked  creature,  for  I  believe  there 


379 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

are  few  who  have  attained  to  the  experience  of  so  many 
things  5  and  if  there  be  not  experience,  it  is  in  vain  to  pre¬ 
scribe  any  remedy  which  will  not  rather  serve  to  afflict  and 
disquiet  the  soul.  But  our  Lord  will  take  even  this  also  for 
a  payment,  and  therefore  it  will  be  the  best  to  consult  some 
one  on  the  subject  (as  I  have  mentioned  before,  and  also  on 
all  those  things  of  which  I  am  now  speaking) ;  this  I  see  is 
of  great  importance,  especially  if  there  be  women,  to  consult 
with  their  confessor.  There  are  many  more  women  than  men 
to  whom  our  Lord  imparts  these  favors  ;  this  I  heard  from 
that  holy  man,  Peter  (f  Alcantara  (and  I  have  seen  it  also 
myself),  that  they  profited  more  in  this  way  than  men  do. 
He  gave  excellent  reasons  for  his  opinion,  which  need  not 
be  mentioned  here :  all  were  in  favor  of  women. 

Another  time,  when  I  was  in  prayer,  there  was  suddenly 
represented  to  me,  with  very  great  clearness,  though  without 
my  seeing  anything  formed,  how  all  things  are  seen  in  Glod, 
and  how  He  holds  them  all  in  Himself.  I  know  not  how  to 
describe  this,  but  it  remained  deeply  imprinted  on  my  soul ; 
and  it  is  one  of  the  great  favors  which  our  Lord  has  shown 
me,  and  one  of  those  too  which  has  put  me  to  the  greatest 
shame  and  confusion,  when  I  considered  the  sins  I  had  com¬ 
mitted  against  Him.  I  believe  that  if  our  Lord  had  been 
pleased  to  let  me  see  this  vision  at  some  other  time,  or  if  they 
could  see  it  who  offend  Him,  they  would  never  dare  to  act 
as  they  do.  I  say,  it  appeared  to  me  so,  but  in  such  a  way, 
that  I  cannot  affirm  I  saw  anything;  something,  however, 
must  have  been  seen  by  me,  since  I  am  able  to  make  this 
comparison  ;  but  this  was  in  so  subtle  and  delicate  a  way, 
that  the  understanding  is  not  able  to  reach  it,  or  else,  that  I 
have  no  experience  in  those  visions,  which  do  not  seem  to  be 
imaginary :  in  some  of  these  there  may  be  something  of  the 
imaginary ;  only,  as  the  powers  of  the  soul  are  then  in  a  rap¬ 
ture,  they  are  not  able  afterwards  to  describe,  how  our  Lord 
represents  Himself  to  them  therein,  and  how  He  is  pleased 
that  they  should  enjoy  Him.  Let  us  suppose  the  Divinity 
to  be  like  some  very  bright  diamond,  much  larger  than  the 
whole  universe  ;  or  else,  like  some  looking-glass,  after  the 
manner  that  I  spoke  before  of  the  soul  in  that  other  vision 
(except  that  this  is  in  so  sublime  a  manner  that  I  cannot 


380  LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 

express  it),  and  that  whatever  we  do  is  seen  in  this  diamond; 
for  it  is  so  great  as  to  comprise  all  things  within  it,  and 
nothing  is  able  to  escape  from  that  greatness.  It  was  a  very 
amazing  sight  to  see,  in  so  very  short  a  time,  so  many  things 
all  united  together  in  this  bright  diamond :  but  it  was  also  a 
subject  of  extreme  grief  to  me,  and  it  is  so  every  time  I  re¬ 
member  it,  to  see  that  monsters  so  ugly  and  foul  as  my  sins 
were,  should  be  represented  with  such  great  clearness  of 
light.  The  truth  is,  that  whenever  I  remember  it,  I  know 
not  how  to  endure  it ;  and,  at  that  time,  I  was  so  much  con¬ 
founded  and  ashamed,  that  it  seemed  I  could  not  tell  where 
to  hide  my  head.  Oh  !  that  some  one  could  make  this  truth 
well  understood  by  those  who  commit  filthy  sins,  that  so  they 
might  remember  those  sins  are  not  hidden,  and  that  God  has 
reason  to  be  very  sensible  of  those  wrongs,  since  they  are  so 
truly  committed  in  the  presence  of  His  Majesty,  and  that  we 
behave  ourselves  with  such  base  irreverence  before  Him.  I 
saw  also  how  justly  hell  is  deserved  by  one  mortal  sin,  because 
we  cannot  understand  what  a  most  heinous  thing  it  is  to  com¬ 
mit  any  such  crime  in  the  presence  of  so  great  a  Majesty; 
and  what  a  difference  there  is  between  what  He  is,  and  what 
our  sins  are.  His  mercy,  likewise,  appears  hereby  so  much 
the  more,  since,  notwithstanding  we  know  all  this,  He  still 
bears  with  us.  It  also  made  me  consider,  that  if  such  a 
vision  as  this  can  leave  the  soul  so  extremely  astonished  and 
confounded,  what  will  the  day  of  judgment  be,  when  this 
Majesty  will  show  itself  clearly  to  us,  and  when  we  shall  see 
the  offences  we  have  committed.  0  my  God !  what  blind¬ 
ness  is  this  which  has  seized  me  !  I  have  often  been  amazed 
when  I  reflect  on  what  I  have  written  ;  and  your  Reverence 
may  wonder  how  I  am  able  to  live  when  I  see  these  things, 
and  consider  myself.  May  He  be  eternally  blessed,  who  has 
borne  with  me  so  long ! 

Being  once  in  prayer,  in  very  great  recollection,  with 
much  sweetness  and  quiet,  I  thought  I  was  entirely  sur¬ 
rounded  with  angels,  and  was  very  near  to  God.  I  began 
to  beseech  His  Majesty  for  the  welfare  of  the  Church,  and  I 
was  given  to  understand  the  great  good  a  certain  Order* 


*  The  Saint  evidently  alludes  to  the  Society  of  J esus. 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


381 


would  do  in  the  world,  in  these  latter  times,  and  the  great 
courage  with  which  the  members  thereof  would  uphold  the 
faith.  Being  once  in  prayer,  near  the  most  Blessed  Sacra¬ 
ment,  a  certain  saint  appeared  to  me,  whose  Order  was  in 
some  decay.  He  had  a  great  hook  in  his  hand,  which  he 
opened,  and  bade  me  read  certain  words  in  it,  which  were 
very  large  and  legible ;  they  were  these  :  “  In  future  times 
this  Order  shall  flourish,  and  have  many  martyrs.” 

Another  time,  being  at  matins  in  the  choir,  six  or  seven 
persons  were  represented  to  me,  who  appeared  to  he  of  the 
same  Order,  with  swords  in  their  hands.  I  thought,  that 
by  this  I  was  given  to  understand  they  were  to  defend  the 
faith  ;  for,  being  in  prayer,  at  another  time,  I  was  rapt  in 
spirit,  and  I  seemed  to  be  in  a  very  spacious  field,  where 
many  were  fighting,  and  they  who  belonged  to  this  Order 
fought  with  great  courage.  Their  faces  were  beautiful,  and 
very  inflamed ;  and  they  threw  multitudes  down  upon  the 
ground,  quite  beaten,  and  others  they  killed  :  this  battle 
seemed  to  be  carried  on  against  heretics.  I  have  seen  this 
glorious  saint  many  times,  and  he  has  told  me  some  things, 
and  has  given  me  thanks  for  the  prayers  I  offered  up  for  his 
Order,  and  he  promised  to  recommend  me  to  our  Lord.  I 
do  not  specify  the  different  Orders  here,  lest  others  might 
take  offence  at  it,  though,  if  our  Lord  please  to  have  them 
known,  he  may  mention  them.  But  every  Order,  or  every 
member  thereof,  should  endeavor,  that  by  this  means  our 
Lord  may  make  his  Order  so  happy,  that  as  the  Church  is 
now  in  such  great  trouble,  they  may  be  able  to  serve  it. 
Happy  are  the  lives  which  are  spent  in  such  a  cause. 

A  certain  person  once  desired  me  to  pray  to  God,  that  he 
might  understand  whether  it  would  be  for  His  glory  if  he 
accepted  a  bishopric  ?  I  did  so  ;  and,  after  I  had  received 
the  Holy  Communion,  our  Lord  gave  me  this  answer  :  u  When 
he  shall  understand,  with  all  truth  and  clearness,  that  true 
dominion  consists  in  possessing  nothing,  then  he  may  accept 
it.”  These  words  give  us  to  understand,  that  whoever  is  to 
be  a  bishop,  must  be  far  from  desiring  or  seeking  such  a 
dignity,  or,  at  least,  he  must  not  seek  to  procure  it.  These 
favors,  and  many  others  also,  have  been,  and  are  still,  very 
pften  ehowR  to  this  poor  sinner ;  which,  I  think,  it  is  not 


382 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


necessary  to  relate,  since,  by  those  which  I  have  already 
mentioned,  my  soul  may  be  known,  and  the  spirit  our  Lord 
has  given  me  may  be  understood.  May  He  be  blessed  for¬ 
ever,  who  has  taken  such  great  care  of  me  !  He  told  me 
once,  to  comfort  me,  66  that  I  should  not  afflict  myself  (and 
this  he  spoke  with  the  most  tender  love),  for  that  in  this  life 
we  could  not  possibly  be  always  in  the  same  state,  but  that 
sometimes  I  should  be  fervent,  and  sometimes  not ;  some¬ 
times  I  should  have  trouble  and  temptations,  and  at  other 
times  quietness  and  peace ;  but  that  I  must  always  trust  in 
Him,  and  fear  nothing.” 

I  was  one  day  thinking,  whether  it  was  not  an  attachment 
to  creatures,  to  take  pleasure  in  being  with  those  persons  to 
whom  I  mentioned  the  affairs  of  my  soul,  and  to  love  them ; 
and  with  others  also,  who  I  find  are  such  great  servants  of 
God,  that  I  comforted  myself  with  them,  our  Lord  said  to 
me  :  u  That  if  a  sick  man  who  is  in  danger  of  death,  thinks 
a  physician  has  restored  him  to  health,  it  would  not  be  a 
virtue  to  neglect  to  thank  him,  and  to  love  him  •,  and  what 
should  I  have  done,  had  it  not  been  for  such  as  they  ?  That 
the  conversation  of  the  good  never  did  any  harm,  but  that 
my  words  must  ever  be  well  weighed  and  holy,  and  therefore 
I  should  not  omit  treating  with  them,  for  it  would  prove 
rather  beneficial  than  hurtful.”  These  words  comforted  me 
much  ;  for,  sometimes  as  I  seemed  to  be  too  addicted  to  crea¬ 
tures,  I  desired  to  give  up  entirely  all  converse  with  them. 
Our  Lord  always  gave  me  advice  in  everything,  so  far  as  to 
tell  me  how  I  should  act  towards  the  weak,  and  some  others 
also ;  and  He  never  forgets  to  take  care  of  me.  But  some¬ 
times  I  am  troubled  to  see  how  little  I  can  do  in  His  service, 
and  also  to  see  that  I  am  forced  to  spend  more  time  than  I 
would,  upon  so  weak  and  sinful  a  body  as  mine  is. 

I  was  once  in  prayer,  and  when  the  time  for  retiring  to 
rest  had  come,  I  found  myself  in  great  pain,  and  expected 
to  have  my  usual  fit  of  vomiting.  Observing  myself,  there¬ 
fore,  so  tied  up,  while  the  soul,  on  the  other  hand,  desired  to 
have  some  time  for  herself,  I  began  to  be  greatly  afflicted, 
and  to  weep  much.  And  this  has  happened,  not  only  once* 
but,  as  I  mention,  very  often ;  and  it  caused  such  an  indig¬ 
nation  against  myself,  that  I  heartily  abhor  myself  at  the 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


383 


time,  though  it  is  true  I  do  not  abhor  myself  as  I  ought ; 
nor  yet  am  1  wanting  in  what  I  see  is  necessary  for  me  ;  and 
God  grant  that  I  may  not  take  more  care  of  myself  than  I 
should,  for  so  I  fear  I  do.  While  I  was  in  this  affliction,  our 
Lord  appeared  to  me,  and  told  me,  6i  that  I  must  go  through 
these  things,  and  endure  all  for  the  love  of  Him,  for  my  life 
was  necessary  yet.”  And  so,  methinks,  I  never  see  myself 
now  in  any  great  pain  which  I  care  about,  since  I  have  re¬ 
solved  to  serve  this  Lord  and  Comforter  of  mine  with  all  my 
power  ;  for,  though  He  has  permitted  me  to  suffer  a  little, 
yet  He  has  comforted  me  in  such  a  manner,  that  I  do  not 
consider  myself  to  do  much  in  desiring  afflictions  ;  and  thus 
there  seems  no  reason  why  I  should  live,  except  only  to 
suffer :  this  is  what  I  beg  with  most  affection  from  God. 
Sometimes  I  say  to  Him,  with  my  whole  heart :  “  0  Lord ! 
either  to  die  or  to  suffer.  I  beg  nothing  else  of  Thee  for 
myself.  It  comforts  me  to  hear  the  clock  strike,  for  then  1 
think  I  draw  a  little  nearer  to  my  seeing  God,  since  one 
hour  more  of  my  life  is  past. 

At  other  times,  I  find  myself  in  such  a  way,  that  I  neither 
relish  my  life,  nor  yet,  methinks,  desire  death  ;  but  I  remain 
with  a  kind  of  tepidity  and  darkness  in  all  things,  for  (as  I 
have  said)  I  have  often  great  troubles.  And  since  our  Lord 
was  pleased  that  these  favors  should  be  publicly  known, 
which  His  Majesty  has  bestowed  upon  me  (as  He  himself 
some  years  ago  told  me  they  should  be,  which  greatly  afflicted 
me ;  for  every  one  understands  them  as  he  likes),  I  comfort 
myself  that  it  has  not  been  my  fault  ;  because  I  never  spoke 
of  any  such  thing,  except  either  to  my  confessors,  or  those 
others,  who,  as  I  knew  by  them,  had  been  informed  thereof; 
for  of  this  I  was  very  cautious,  even  to  extremity,  not  so 
much  out  of  humility,  as  on  account  of  the  difficulty  that  I 
had  to  speak  even  to  my  confessors  about  these  matters. 
Now,  glory  be  to  God,  though  there  may  be  some  who 
blame  me  much,  and  with  good  intentions :  and  others 
who  are  afraid  to  speak  to  me,  or  even  hear  my  confessions  ; 
and  others  who  say  many  things  about  me  ;  yet,  since  I  un¬ 
derstand  that  our  Lord  has  been  pleased,  by  this  means,  to 
bring  many  souls  to  His  service  (as  I  have  seen  very  clearlv, 
and  I  remember  how  much  He  himself  would  endure  for 


384 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA. 


gaining  one  soul))  I  am  very  little  troubled  about  it.  I  am 
not  sure  whether  this  may  not  be,  because  His  Majesty  has  put 
me  in  this  little  corner,  where  I  am  in  such  strict  enclosure, 
and  where  I  hoped  there  would  be  no  more  remembrance  of 
me  than  if  I  had  been  dead.  But  people’s  forgetfulness  is 
not  so  great  as  I  wished ;  and  since  then  I  have  been  some¬ 
times  obliged  to  speak  with  persons.  But  as  I  am  not  now 
where  I  can  be  seen,  it  seems  our  Lord  has  been  pleased  to 
drive  me  to  a  port,  which,  I  trust  in  His  Majesty,  will  he  a 
secure  one.  And  since  I  am  now  out  of  the  world,  and  in 
the  company  of  a  few  and  holy  persons,  I  look  down  upon 
things,  as  if  from  a  mountain,  and  I  care  very  little  about 
what  people  say  or  think  of  me.  I  should  feel  more,  if  any 
one  soul  should  have  profited  (though  ever  so  little)  in  God’s 
service  by  my  means,  than  I  shall  ever  do  at  all  that  can  he 
said  of  me ;  for  now,  since  I  have  been  here,  our  Lord  has 
been  pleased  that  all  my  desires  should  terminate  in  this 
(the  salvation  of  souls).  He  has  given  me  a  kind  of  sleep 
in  this  life,  which  makes  it  seem  to  me,  that  what  I  see  here 
is  a  dream  ;  nor  am  I  able  to  say,  that  I  perceive  in  myself 
either  much  pleasure  or  trouble  from  the  things  of  this  world. 
If  sometimes  I  feel  any  pleasure,  it  passes  away  with  such 
speed  that  I  am  astonished  ;  and  it  leaves  no  other  impres¬ 
sion  than  a  dream  does.  It  is  quite  true,  that  although  I 
should  afterwards  have  a  mind,  either  to  rejoice  at  any  plea¬ 
sure,  or  to  be  sorry  at  any  affliction,  it  is  not  in  my  power  to 
do  so ;  just  as  a  sensible  person  would  not  be  glad  or  sorry 
about  what  he  had  dreamed  ;  for  now  our  Lord  has  been 
pleased  to  awaken  me,  and  free  my  soul  from  all  that  which 
before  made  me  to  have  such  feelings,  because  then  I  was 
not  truly  mortified,  nor  dead  to  the  things  of  this  world. 
May  His  Majesty  grant  that  I  may  become  blind  no  mere. 

In  this  way,  my  Reverend  Father,  do  I  live  now  ;  and 
I  trust  your  Reverence  will  beg  of  God,  that  He  will  either 
take  me  to  Himself,  or  give  me  means  to  serve  Him.  May 
His  Majesty  grant,  that  what  I  have  written  here  may  be  of 
some  advantage  to  your  Reverence  1  1  have  not  written  this 
account  without  trouble,  on  account  of  the  little  leisure  I 
have  had.  But  happy  will  this  trouble  be,  if  I  have  said 
anything  to  the  purpose*  and  if  our  Lord  shall  have  received 


LIFE  OF  ST.  TERESA.  385 

thereby  only  one  act  of  praise ;  I  should  then  consider  my 
labor  fully  repaid,  even  though  your  Reverence  were  to  burn 
all  I  have  written  immediately.  I  would  not  wish,  however, 
this  to  happen,  till  those  three  persons  had  seen  it,  whom 
your  Reverence  knows,  since  they  are  and  have  been  my 
confessors  ;  for,  if  what  I  have  written  be  bad,  it  is  proper 
they  should  lose  the  good  opinion  they  have  of  me ;  and  if 
what  I  have  said  be  good,  they  are  holy  and  learned  men, 
and  I  know  they  will  perceive  whence  it  comes,  and  they  will 
praise  Him  who  has  spoken  by  my  mouth.  May  His  Majesty 
always  protect  your  Reverence,  and  make  you  so  great  a 
saint,  that  you  may  with  your  spirit  and  zeal  enlighten  this 
miserable  creature,  who  has  such  little  humility  and  so  much 
boldness,  in  having  presumed  to  write  about  such  high  sub¬ 
jects.  God  grant  that  I  may  not  have  fallen  into  any  error, 
for  my  desire  and  intention  were  to  do  my  best,  and  to  obey ; 
and  also,  that  our  Lord  might  receive  some  praise  through 
my  means ;  and  this  is  what  I  have  begged  of  Him  these 
many  years.  But,  since  I  have  had  no  good  works  of  my  own 
for  this  purpose,  1  have  presumed  to  put  in  order  this  irregu¬ 
lar  life  of  mine,  though  without  bestowing  on  it  any  more 
attention  or  time  than  was  necessary  for  writing  it.  Thus, 
mentioning  those  things  which  have  happened  to  me,  I  have 
spoken  with  all  the  truth  and  plainness  I  was  able.  Since 
our  Lord  is  powerful,  may  He  be  pleased,  (for  if  He  will  He 
can),  that  in  all  things  I  may  be  able  to  do  His  will ;  and 
not  allow  this  soul  to  be  lost,  which  His  Majesty  has  been 
pleased,  by  so  many  ways  and  means,  and  so  often,  to  deliver 
from  hell,  and  to  draw  so  near  to  Himself.  Amen. 

LAUS  DEO. 


33 


FINIS. 


appendix. 


No.  I. 

The  following  short  historical  notice  of  Sir  Tobie  Mathews, 
is  taken  from  the  “  Catholic  Miscellany  ”  for  March  1825. 
It  is  more  circumstantial  than  the  account  given  by5  Dodd. 

At  the  end  is  appended  a  catalogue  of  the  works  this  illus¬ 
trious  convert  published  : — 

SIR  TOBIE  MATHEWS,  Knight. 

This  gentleman,  who  became  equally  eminent  for  his  vir¬ 
tues  and  for  his  polite  acquirements,  was  the  eldest  son  of 
Doctor  Tobie  Mathews,  Archbishop  of  York,  and  was  born 
at  Oxford  at  the  time  his  father  was  dean  of  Christchurch,  in 

At  ™e  ear]y  of  eleven  years,  he  was  matricu¬ 
lated  a  member  of  that  house,  and  in  the  following  year, 
namely  in  1590,  he  obtained  a  student’s  place.  His  talents 
tor  oratory  and  disputation  were  of  the  first  class,  and  he  per- 
mitted  no  opportunity  of  improvement  to  escape  him,  so  that 
after  he  had  taken  his  degrees  in  arts,  he  was  considered  an 
accomplished  scholar.  “  He  was  one  of  considerable  learn- 
rng,  says  A.  \\  ood,  “  good  memory,  and  sharp  wit,  mixed 
with  a  pleasant  affability,  and  a  seeming  sweetness  of  mind.” 
tic  obtained  a  seat  in  parliament  when  very  youn*r,  and  be- 
came  so  favorite  a  speaker  that  his  rapid  preferment  was 
confidently  anticipated.  An  earnest  desire  to  visit  Italy 
which  he  had  long  indulged,  prompted  him,  in  his  twentv- 
seventh  year,  to  request  his  parents’  permission  to  travel 
abroad  They  were  both  shocked  at  his  proposal,  for  they 
loved  him  tenderly,  and  could  not  endure  the  thought  of 


887 


*  See  Dodd,  vol.  iii.,  folio  ed. 


388 


APPENDIX. 


being  long  separated  from  him ;  they  also  feared  that  his 
intercourse  with  Roman  Catholics  might  induce  him  to  change 
his  religion.  Perceiving  the  strong  opposition  which  would 
be  raised  to  his  plan,  he  appeared  to  submit  to  the  wishes  of 
his  parents,  and  only  solicited  their  consent  that  he  might 
spend  six  months  in  France,  until  the  parliament,  of  which 
he  was  a  member,  should  assemble :  they  reluctantly  com¬ 
plied  with  his  request,  but  with  the  special  condition  that  he 
should  visit  neither  Spain  nor  Italy.  He  readily  gave  his 
promise  that  he  would  not, — although  at  the  time  he  had  no 
intention  of  keeping  it,  if  he  could  but  once  set  his  foct  on 
the  contineat:  in  after-life  he  deeply  regretted  this  deliberate 
falsehood.  Having  thus  obtained  the  consent  of  his  parents, 
he  hurried  off  to  France ;  and,  determined  to  indulge  his 
inclination,  he  continued  his  route  without  intermission  until 
he  arrived  at  Florence.  After  an  absence  of  about  six  months, 
his  father  discovered  that  he  was  in  this  town,  and  wrote  to 
him,  but  in  terms  of  great  affection,  requesting  him  to  return 
to  his  own  country  after  he  should  have  taken  a  reasonable 
*  time  to  gratify  his  curiosity,  and  conjuring  him,  above  all 
things,  to  remain  firm  in  the  Protestant  religion.  Mr. 
Mathews  felt  great  pleasure  on  the  perusal  of  his  father’s 
letter,  for  he  now  considered  that  he  had  his  tacit  consent  to 
prosecute  his  travels,  and  as  he  had  no  thoughts  about  chang¬ 
ing  his  religion,  the  latter  part  of  the  letter  gave  him  no  un¬ 
easiness.  An  incident  of  no  seeming  importance  brought  the 
first  serious  thought  to  his  mind.  Happening  one  day  to  take 
a  walk  into  the  country  with  Sir  George  Petre  and  Mr.  Robert 
Cansfield,  two  Catholic  gentlemen,  they  entered  a  poor  little 
church  on  the  road-side, — they  to  offer  up  a  short  prayer 
before  the  blessed  sacrament,  and  he  to  satisfy  his  curiosity. 
In  a  small  and  dark  chapel  behind  the  altar,  they  chanced 
to  discover  a  countryman  bathed  in  tears  and  in  fervent 
prayer.  One  of  the  gentlemen,  turning  to  Mr.  Mathews, 
said  with  a  smile,  “  That  a  man  might  have  walked  long 
enough  in  England  among  the  Protestants,  especially  in  re¬ 
tired  country  churches  and  on  a  working  day  in  the  afternoon, 
before  he  could  find  a  poor  countryman  so  heartily  praying 
with  so  many  tears.”  As  he  well  knew  that  there  was  much 
truth  in  this  observation,  he  felt  hurt,  and  made  the  best 


APPENDIX. 


389 


answer  he  could,  but  this  circumstance  made  a  deep  impres¬ 
sion  upon  him.  Not  long  after,  Mr.  Partradge,  an  English 
Protestant,  who  had  just  returned  from  Naples,  gave  him  an 
account  of  the  liquefaction  of  St.  Januarius’s  blood,  and 
stated  that  he  himself  had  been  an  eye-witness  of  the  fact : 
the  same  thing  he  heard  from  other  gentlemen,  who  attributed 
so  extraordinary  a  circumstance  to  the  power  of  the  devil. 
Mr.  Mathews  was  perplexed,  and  knew  not  what  opinion  to 
form  of  the  matter.  About  this  time  he  removed  .to  Sienna, 
that  he  might  avoid  the  company  of  the  English,  whose  con¬ 
versation  he  thought  was  an  obstacle  to  his  perfecting  himself 
in  the  Italian  language.  He  afterwards  visited  Naples 
himself,  and  having  satisfied  his  curiosity,  went  to  Rome, 
with  an  intention  of  residing  there  for  some  time.  Upon 
his  arrival  in  this  city,  he  waited  upon  Father  Parsons,  as 
he  had  a  desire  to  see  one  of  whom  he  had  heard  so 
much  ;  besides,  he  thought  it  prudent  to  be  upon  terms 
with  a  man  who  had  been  represented  to  him  in  England 
as  an  intriguing,  bad  character,  lest  he  might  otherwise 
do  him  some  serious  injury.  The  politeness  with  which 
he  was  received  surprised  him,  and  he  was  induced  to  call 
upon  him  a  second  time  :  an  observation  which  the  good 
father  casually  made,  concerning  the  pains  and  trouble  that 
men  take  for  this  world,  and  how  little  they  do  for  the  next, 
struck  him,  and  he  could  not  help  reflecting  upon  it.  He 
paid  also,  from  motives  of  prudence,  a  visit  to  Cardinal  Pi- 
nelli,  the  grand  inquisitor,  who  received  him  with  much 
kindness.  The  reception  he  met  with  made  him  frequently 
reflect  how  differently  he  had  been  treated  by  these  great 
men,  to  what  a  Roman  Catholic  foreigner  would  have  been 
in  England,  even  by  a  country  justice  of  the  peace.  Amuse¬ 
ment,  however,  and  examining  the  curiosities  wdth  which 
.  *  ^  ^  engrossed  the  wThole  of  his  time,  and  a 

serious  thought  upon  the  affair  of  his  salvation  seldom  or 
never  crossed  his  mind,  until  a  short  time  before  his  return 
to  Florence.  When  at  the  request  of  Father  Parsons,  with 
whom  he  was  upon  very  friendly  terras,  he  read  Renolds’s 
“  Reprehension”  of  Hr.  Whitaker ;  this  brought  on  several 
conversations  concerning  religion,  and  Father  Parsons  soon 
convinced  him  that  he  had  formed  very  erroneous  ideas  upon 
33* 


390 


APPENDIX. 


that  subject.  The  doctrine  of  purgatory  did  not  in  the  least 
accord  with  his  system  of  belief ;  nevertheless,  the  father 
brought  so  many  proofs  from  the  works  of  St.  Augustine  in 
favor  of  this  doctrine,  that  he  was  obliged  to  yield,  and  con¬ 
sequently  became  in  his  belief  neither  Catholic  nor  Protest¬ 
ant.  In  this  state  of  mind  he  returned  to  Florence,  and 
again  gave  himself  up  to  amusement,  and  to  the  study  of  the 
Italian  language.  When  Lent  arrived,  however,  he  took  a 
pleasure  in  hearing  sermons  ;  some  of  which  made  so  deep 
an  impression  upon  him,  that  he  began  to  think  seriously 
with  himself  upon  the  affair  of  religion,  and  to  examine  into 
the  works  of  the  fathers,  St.  Augustine,  &c.  His  conversion 
followed  ;  but  before  he  could  prevail  upon  himself  to  em¬ 
brace  the  Catholic  faith,  he  had  to  overcome  many  violent 
temptations,  and  to  set  at  defiance  what  appeared  to  be  at 
first  view  insurmountable  obstacles.  The  grace  of  God,  how¬ 
ever,  at  length  prevailed,  and  he  applied  to  Father  Lelio 
Ptolomes,  an  Italian  Jesuit,  as  he  had  been  more  particu¬ 
larly  affected  by  the  sermons  of  this  father.  Some  little 
time  was  necessary  to  complete  his  instruction,  after  which 
he  was  received  into  the  church  by  the  inquisitor.  He  then 
entered  into  a  spiritual  exercise  for  ten  days,  and  made  a 
general  confession  of  his  whole  life  to  Father  Ptolomes,  who 
advised  him  to  frequent  the  Sacraments  of  penance  and  com¬ 
munion  every  week,  which  he  faithfully  observed  to  the  end 
of  his  life.  He  had  endeavored,  even  in  Italy,  to  keep  the 
change  of  his  religion  from  becoming  publicly  known,  and 
returning  to  France,  he  was  still  more  secret  upon  this  point. 
He,  however,  knew  that  in  England  it  wTould  be  impossible 
to  prevent  the  emissaries  of  Secretary  Cecil  from  making 
the  discovery;  therefore  upon  his  return  to  this  country, 
about  six  months  after  his  conversion,  he  first  took  lodgings 
near  the  Tower,  and  wrote  to  his  old  friend  Sir  Francis  Ba¬ 
con,  a  letter  so  worded  that  it  might  be  with  propriety  shown 
to  the  minister  whose  displeasure  he  principally  feared.  This 
letter  had  the  effect  he  desired  ;  Cecil  was  pleased  with  it, 
and  promised  not  to  molest  him.  Mr.  Mathews  then  ven¬ 
tured  into  public,  he  changed  his  lodgings  into  Fleet-street, 
and  paid  a  visit  to  Sir  Francis  Bacon,  to  thank  him  for  the 
kind  service  he  had  rendered  him  with  the  secrctarv.  After 

V.  .  %, 


\ 


APPENDIX. 


m 

this  he  waited  upon  Dr.  Bancroft,  Archbishop  of  Canterbury, 
who  received  him  with  some  harshness,  and  appointed  a  time 
to  see  him  again,  when  he  would  confer  with  him  upon  the 
subject  of  religion.  Mr.  Mathews  had  afterwards  several 
interviews  with  the  archbishop,  who  giving  way  at  last  to 
passion,  when  he  could  not  prevail  by  argument,  committed 
him  a  close  prisoner  to  the  Fleet,  where  he  was  confined 
during  six  months,  and  frequently  treated  with  great  severity. 
In  prison  he  was  visited  by  many  persons,  several  of  whom 
were  his  friends ;  but  the  greater  number  came  to  dispute 
with  him — among  these  were  some  friends  of  his  father,  who 
hoped  through  their  means  to  induce  his  son  to  return  to  the 
Protestant  faith ;  among  others  was  Dr.  Andrews,  Bishop 
of  Chichester.  When  they  discovered  that  he  was  immov¬ 
able  in  his  religious  creed,  they  varied  the  attack,  and  pressed 
him  to  take  the  oath  of  allegiance,  which  at  that  time  was  so 
worded,  that  it  could  not  be  taken  with  a  safe  conscience ; 
but  Mr.  Mathews  was  proof  against  all  their  sophistry. 
While  he  was  thus  confined,  the  plague  began  to  rage  with 
great  violence,  he  therefore  petitioned  to  be  removed  from  a 
prison  situated  in  the  very  centre  of  contagion,  and  offered 
to  find  bail  to  any  amount.  Nevertheless,  his  petition  was 
disregarded.  At  last  Sir  Francis  Bacon,  who  interested 
himself  by  every  means  in  his  power  to  obtain  his  release 
from  confinement,  so  far  succeeded  that  he  obtained  permis¬ 
sion  for  him  to  visit  him  at  his  own  house,  attended  by  a 
proper  guard,  and  after  a  time  his  discharge  was  granted, 
when  he  was  allowed  to  remain  during  two  months  at  the 
house  of  a  friend,  under  the  care  of  a  messenger,  to  settle 
his  affairs,  and  then  the  king  gave  him  permission  to  travel 
abroad.  This  was  understood  to  be  a  peremptory  command, 
and  he  immediately  obeyed  ;  twelve  years,  however,  elapsed 
before  leave  could  be  obtained  for  his  return  to  England,  for 
which  leave  he  was  indebted  to  Mr.  Villiers,  who  was  after¬ 
wards  Duke  of  Buckingham,  with  whom  he  had  contracted 
a  friendship  in  France.  He  had  not  long  returned  to  his 
native  land,  when  the  oath  was  again  tendered  to  him  :  this 
obliged  him  once  more  to  pass  over  to  the  continent,  where 
he  remained  until  the  following  year,  when  Lord  Bristol  sue* 
ceeded  in  obtaining  from  the  king  an  order  for  his  uncondi- 


392 


APPENDIX. 


tional  return  in  January,  1621.  His  majesty  soon  after 
thought  fit  to  take  him  into  favor,  and  to  send  him  to  Spain 
to  his  son  the  prince,  who  was  in  that  kingdom  upon  a  chiv¬ 
alrous  expedition  relating  to  his  projected  marriage.  Some 
of  Mr.  Mathews’s  letters  are  extant  in  print,  which  he  wrote 
while  attending  upon  his  royal  highness,  and  they  show  that 
he  was  a  discreet  negotiator  and  prudent  councillor  ;  these 
may  be  found  in  the  M  Cabala,”  &c.  Upon  his  return  to 
England,  his  reception  at  Court  was  very  flattering :  the 
king,  at  the  request  of  the  prince,  treated  him  with  particu¬ 
lar  kindness,  and  on  the  10th  of  October,  1623,  bestowed 
upon  him  the  honor  of  knighthood;  and  his  father,  the 
Archbishop  of  York,  seeing  how  high  he  stood  at  court,  ven¬ 
tured  to  receive  him  publicly  into  his  favor,  and  invited  him 
to  his  palace,  where  he  continued  to  reside  until  that  pre¬ 
late’s  death,  which  occurred  in  the  year  1628.  Sir  Tobie 
never  after  lost  the  favor  of  the  court ;  he  was  particularly 
esteemed  by  Thomas.  Earl  of  Strafford,  whom  he  accompa¬ 
nied  to  Ireland  in  1633,  when  that  nobleman  was  appointed 
lord-lieutenant.  When  the  civil  wars  broke  out,  Sir  Tobie, 
being  far  advanced  in  years,  retired  from  the  world,  and 
ended  his  days  among  the  Jesuits  at  Ghent,  on  the  13th  of 
October,  1655.  He  had  previously  taken  priest’s  orders, 
but  the  time  of  his  ordination  is  uncertain.  For  many  years 
of  his  life  he  had  been  an  object  of  attack  to  the  Puritans, 
who  sincerely  hated  him,  and  many  of  their  writers  abused 
him  without  mercy,  styling  him  a  crafty  politician,  spy,  &c. 
He  was  the  author  of  several  works,  and  many  of  his  letters 
are  to  be  met  with  in  “  Scrinia  Sacra,”  and  in  the  “  Cabala 
he  also  collected  together  a  small  volume  of  letters,  which 
was  published  in  1660,  to  which  his  portrait  was  prefixed. 

The  titles  of  his  works  are  the  following : 

1.  A  rich  Cabinet  of  Precious  Jewels. 

2.  A  Collection  of  Letters  to  several  Persons.  London, 
1660. 

3.  Several  Letters  in  the  “  Cabala,”  1654 ;  also  in  the 
“  Scrinia  Sacra.”  London,  1663. 

4.  The  Benefit  of  washing  the  Head  with  cold  Water 
every  Morning. 

5.  The  History  of  the  Times.  (Not  published.) 


APPENDIX. 


393 


6.  St.  Augustine’s  Confessions.  Translated  from  the 
Latin,  1624. 

7.  The  Life  of  St.  Teresa.  Translated,  1623. 

8.  The  Penitent  Banditto.  1625,  1663. 

9.  Essays  of  Sir  Francis  Bacon.  Translated  into  Italian. 

Dodd  gives  this  list,  but  I  cannot  be  certain  of  its  accu¬ 
racy  ;  indeed  the  Rev.  Mr.  Tierney,  in  a  kind  letter  lately 
received  from  him,  proves  that  Dodd  has  made  two  mistakes 
respecting  the  dates  of  the  publication  of  “  St.  Augustine’s 
Confessions”  and  the  “Life  of  St.  Teresa.”  The  former 
was  printed  in  1620,  not  1623 ;  and  the  latter  in  1642,  at 
Antwerp,  under  the  title  of  the  “Flaming  Hart.”  (J. 
Dalton.) 


394 


APPENDIX. 


No.  II. 

The  following  notice  of  Mr.  Woodhead  is  taken  from  the 
*  Catholic  Miscellany,”  January,  1825. 

ABRAHAM  WOODHEAD. 

This  gentleman,  who  was  one  of  the  most  able  contro- 
vertists  of  his  time,  was  born  in  the  year  1608,  at  Meltham, 
in  the  parish  of  Abbesbury,  or,  as  it  is  generally  called 
Ambury,  in  Yorkshire.  His  father  was  John  Woodhead, 
of  Thornhill,  in  the  same  county.  At  the  age  of  sixteen 
years,  he  was  sent  to  Oxford,  and  was  admitted  into  Uni¬ 
versity  College.  His  first  tutor  was  John  Ratcliff,  and  after 
his  death  he  was  placed  under  the  care  of  Thomas  Ratcliff, 
both  of  whom  were  fellows  of  the  same  house.  He  soon  be¬ 
came  distinguished  in  the  university  as  a  logician,  and  as  a 
good  philosopher.  In  1632,  or  in  the  following  year,  he 
took  his  degree  of  Master  of  Arts,  and  was  afterwards 
elected  Freestone  Scholar,  then  Walter  Skirland’s  Fellow, 
and  there  is  reason  to  suppose  that  he  was  also  elected  Free¬ 
stone  Fellow.  The  honor  of  pronouncing  the  Latin  oration, 
when  the  west  side  of  the  University  College  was  built,  was 
conferred  upon  him  at  the  time  when  he  was  a  Walter  Skir- 
land’s  Fellow,  and  the  discourse  which  he  then  delivered  is 
still  preserved  in  the  college  library.  When  he  had  finished 
his  course  of  divinity,  and  had  taken  orders  according  to  the 
rites  of  the  Church  of  England,  he  was  elected  one  of  the 
proctors  of  the  university  :  this  occurred  in  1641.  In  the 
following  year,  Mr.  Woodhead  was  summoned  to  answer  at 
the  bar  of  the  House  of  Commons,  various  charges  which 
were  brought  against  him  in  consequence  of  his  courage  in 
opposing  an  overbearing  faction,  and  of  his  attachment  to 
the  privileges  of  that  university,  of  which  he  had  the  honor 
to  be  a  member ;  for  when  the  parliament  attempted  by 
every  means  to  gain  it  over  to  the  republican  party,  and  had 
proposed  a  convocation  in  order  to  introduce  the  Solemn 


APPENDIX. 


395 


League  and  Covenant,  the  firmness  of  Mr.  Woodhead  pre¬ 
vented  in  a  great  measure  the  innovation ;  and  at  the  bar  he 
made  so  able  a  defence,  that  he  was  dismissed  without  fur¬ 
ther  molestation,  and  returned  to  the  university,  where  he 
remained  until  the  expiration  of  his  proctorship,  and  then 
procured  the  college  license  to  travel  with  Messrs.  Harlack- 
enden  and  Culpepper,  two  of  his  own  pupils,  up  m  condition 
that  he  should  quit  the  care  of  these  gentlemen,  when  Mr. 
Radcliff,  the  son  of  Sir  George  Radcliff,  should  be  sent  over 
to  him ;  and  probably  this  event  soon  occurred,  for  by  the 
college  register  it  appears,  that  on  the  22d  of  June,  1645, 
he  and  Mr.  Radcliff  had  both  leave  of  absence  for  four  terms. 
About  this  time  he  began  to  entertain  doubts  with  regard  to 
the  truth  of  the  Protestant  faith,  and  felt  some  inclination 
towards  the  Catholic  religion  :  this  was  occasioned,  as  he 
writes  in  one  of  his  letters  to  his  intimate  friend  Dr.  Withy, 
by  reading  the  saints’  lives,  and  the  learned  and  pious  works 
of  the  great  St.  Augustine,  by  way  of  index.  “  To  read  the 
Fathers,”  says  lie,  “  would  be  the  business  of  a  man’s  life  ; 
but  in  a  quarter  of  a  year,  by  consulting  the  heads  and  in¬ 
dexes  of  the  best  Fathers  about  all  controversial  points,  one 
may  be  plentifully  satisfied  concerning  their  opinions,  and 
what  way  the  Fathers  incline.”  He  examined  also  and  com¬ 
pared  Harding  and  Jewell;  a  book  written  by  Dean  Cressy 
pleased  him  in  part,  although  he  disliked  the  strong  and 
severe  expressions  with  which  it  abounded.  The  fame  of  the 
virtues  and  extraordinary  piety  of  St.  Charles  Borromeo,  of 
St.  Philip  Neri,  St.  Francis  de  Sales,  of  St.  Teresa,  and 
other  devout  servants  of  God,  had  also  reached  Mr.  Wood- 
head,  and  he  had  been  induced  to  commence  an  inquiry  into 
their  lives,  and  into  that  religion  which  had  taught  them 
such  principles  of  sanctity,  and  this  inquiry  had  in  a  great 
measure  dissipated  his  errors  and  prejudices.  Still,  however, 
in  an  affair  of  such  consequence,  where  the  eternal  salvation 
of  his  soul  was  concerned,  he  thought  it  proper  to  proceed 
with  the  utmost  caution.  Some  years  therefore  elapsed  be¬ 
fore  he  declared  himself  a  Catholic.  It  was  about  this  time, 
when  he  began  to  entertain  doubts  of  the  orthodoxy  of  the 
Protestant  faith,  that  Mr.  Ailsbury,  afterwards  Sir  Thomas 


396 


APPENDIX. 


Ailsbury,  governor  to  the  Duke  of  Buckingham,  and  his 
brother  Lord  Francis,  prevailed  upon  him  to  undertake  the 
instruction  of  these  young  nobleman  in  the  mathematics,  and 
other  liberal  sciences.  Mr.  Woodhead  spent  some  time  on 
the  continent  with  his  noble  pupils,  and  when  they  returned 
to  England,  apartments  were  provided  for  him  at  York- 
house,  and  a  handsome  salary  allowed  him.  But  this  was 
of  short  duration,  for  at  the  unhappy  defeat  at  Kingston, 
which  occurred  in  1648,  Lord  Francis  was  killed,  and  the 
duke  was  in  danger  of  utter  ruin.  As  he  knew  himself  to 
be  particularly  obnoxious  to  the  republican  party,  he  con¬ 
cealed  himself  for  a  short  time,  until  he  was  received  into 
the  family  of  Lord  Capel,  with  whom  he  resided  at  least 
until  the  close  of  the  year  1652.  Doctor  Fern,  who  became 
after  the  Restoration  Bishop  of  Chester,  was  during  most 
part  of  this  time  chaplain  in  the  same  family,  and  he  and 
Mr.  Woodhead  were  in  the  constant  habit  of  arguing  upon 
the  controverted  points  in  religion  :  the  doctor  was  a  stanch 
Protestant,  while  the  latter  inclined  towards  the  Catholic 
side ;  and  it  is  probable  that  these  discussions  finally  com¬ 
pleted  his  conversion,  and  induced  him  to  quit  Lord  Capel, 
and  also  to  resign  a  pension  of  sixty  pounds  per  annum 
which  had  been  settled  upon  him  for  life.  He  now  retired 
to  the  house  of  his  friend  Dr.  Witby,  who  resided  in  the 
city,  where  he  had  leisure  and  opportunity  to  examine  the 
best  Protestant  writers  upon  controversy,  of  consulting  the 
Fathers  and  Councils,  and  of  more  attentively  perusing  the 
Holy  Scriptures,  and  of  examining  with  particular  care  those 
passages  which  Protestants  and  sectarians  generally  cite  in 
support  of  their  various  innovations  and  novelties.  After 
some  time,  being  desirous  of  secluding  himself  as  much  as 
possible  from  the  world,  and  of  giving  himself  up  entirely  to 
controversial  reading,  he  united  with  a  few  select  friends  in 
the  purchase  of  a  house  and  garden  at  Hoxton,  where  they 
lived  in  common,  uniting  into  one  fund  the  wreck  of  their 
property  which  had  escaped  the  sanctimonious  grasp  of  the 
Puritanic  faction,  and  devoting  themselves  to  prayer  and 
study  until  1660,  the  period  of  the  Restoration,  when  the 
king’s  commissioners  deputed  to  restore  the  banished  mem- 


APPENDIX. 


397 

bers  of  the  university  to  their  respective  posts,  called  Mr. 
Woodhead  from  his  solitude  to  reinstate  him  in  his  fellowship. 
“  He  accepted  of  it  again  rather  as  a  mark  of  justice  due  to 
the  cause  for  which  he  was  deprived  of  it,  than  as  a  design 
to  retain  it  as  a  Protestant,  and  never  communicated  with  the 
Church  of  England ,  then  or  afterwards.  He  remained  in 
the  college  for  a  short  time  ;  but  finding  residence  there  in¬ 
consistent  with  his  religious  principles,  which  now  were  so 
well  known,  that  not  long  after  one  of  the  beadles  accused 
him  of  Popery  to  the  vice-chancellor,  he  laid  hold  of  the 
occasion,  and  without  any  contestation  generously  chose  to 
retire  to  his  dear  solitude  at  Hoxton.”— < 44  Here  he  employed 
his  time  in  praying,  meditating,  and  writing  in  defence  of 
his  faith,  and  for  the  good  of  his  neighbor,  with  some  small 
exercise  to  enable  him  to  return  to  his  labors  with  greater 
alacrity.  As  to  the  interior  perfections  of  his  soul,  and  what 
passed  in  the  pious*  moments  of  his  retirement,  it  is  only 
known  to  the  Searcher  of  hearts,  for  whom,  and  to  whom 
his  life  and  labors  were  chiefly  dedicated ;  with  only  some 
select  and  pious  associates  joining  in  the  same  views,  and 
assisting  him  in  his  labors,  that  is,  helping  him  to  find  places 
in  authors,  collate  his  citations,  or  transcribe  his  learned 
works  and  the  like.  For  it  was  here,  and  that,  too,  without 
any  other  assistance  but  what  was  just  now  mentioned,  this 
learned  champion  of  the  Church  wrote  those  elaborate  trea¬ 
tises  of  controversy,  particularly  that  of  4  Ancient  Church 
Government,’  in  five  parts  ;  4  The  Rational  Account  of  the 
Doctrine  of  Catholics,  concerning  an  Ecclesiastical  Guide  in 
Controversy,’ — having  in  view  two  of  the  most  learned 
writers  of  the  Protestant  side,  Archbishop  Laud  and  Dr. 
Stillingfleet.” — 44  In  this  retirement  he  perfected  those  last¬ 
ing  monuments  of  his  pious  soul ;  that  is,  his  works  of  de¬ 
votion,  chiefly  wrote  in  his  latter  days,  in  which  we  see,  not¬ 
withstanding  his  humility,  how  much  his  soul  was  elevated 
towards  God.  This  appears  almost  through  every  page  of 
that  excellent  treatise  of  the  4  Motives  to  Holy  Living,’  by 
way  of  heads  for  meditation,  through  which  the  spirit  of  the 
Gospel  and  the  most  Christian  virtues  shine  in  the  most  de¬ 
lightful  colors  ;  as  also  in  his  tract  of  4  Catholic  Devotions 


34 


398 


APPENDIX.' 


\  indicated and  in  two  large  prefaces  of  his  composing, 
before  ‘  St.  Teresa’s  Life  5’  and  in  one  to  his  translation 
of  ‘  Gregory  Lopez’s  Life.’  The  same  spirit  shows  itself 
in  ‘The  Life  of  Christ :  that  of  the  Benefits  of  our  Sa¬ 
viour.’  ” 

But  to  return  to  the  last  scene  of  this  holy  man’s  life  ; 
though  his  thoughts  in  this  retirement  were  chiefly  taken  up 
in  the  choice  of  the  better  part,  still  preparing  and  purifying 
his  soul  the  nigher  he  approached  his  end;  nevertheless,  as  a 
prudent  economy  and  management  is  a  moral  virtue,  he  so 
discreetly  ordered  his  temporal  concerns,  and  the  little  stock 
God  had  blessed  him  with,  as  not  only  to  secure  a  moderate 
maintenance,  agreeable  to  his  choice,  but  something  also  to 
be  disposed  of  at  his  death,  to  such  uses  as  he  thought  most 
proper ;  leaving  good  part  of  what  he  had  to  the  mainte¬ 
nance  of  a  school  in  the  country ;  believing  that  learning 
and  a  careful  education  were  proper  steps  to  attain  the  best 
religion,  since  it  was  his  own  learning,  next  to  God’s  grace, 
that  brought  him  to  the  knowledge  of  the  true  church,  of 
which  he  died  an  humble  and  holy  member,  as  well  as  a  very 
great  sufferer  for  it.”  The  praiseworthy  intentions,  and 
charitable  bequests  of  Mr.  Woodhead,  were  however  frus¬ 
trated  by  the  storm  which  was  raised  against  the  whole  body 
of  English  Catholics,  in  consequence  of  “  Oates’s  Plot,”  and 
had  he  lived  but  a  very  short  time  longer,  it  is  probable  that 
his  name  also  would  have  occurred  in  the  list  of  victims  of 
persecution  and  perjury,  which  blots  the  annals  of  Charles 
the  Second’s  reign.  “  However,  the  providence  of  God 
thought  proper  to  take  his  faithful  servant  to  himself,  just 
before  these  dismal  times  happened.  He  had  run  through  a 
great  many  trials  before  ;  he  had  been  prepared  for  the  king¬ 
dom  of  heaven  by  many  tribulations ;  he  had  employed  the 
talents  entrusted  to  him  by  his  Divine  Master  to  the  best 
advantage,  having  spent  the  chief  part  of  his  time  from  his 
youth  in  improving  himself  in  what  he  thought  might  be  for 
the  good  of  his  neighbor.  And  though  the  stream  ran  in  a 
wrong  channel  at  first,  he  soon  rectified  its  course,  and  made 
amends  for  it,  to  the  best  of  his  power  afterwards.  We 
don’t  find  he  ever  took  any  orders  in  the  Catholic  Church* 


r 


Appendix. 


399 

though  he  had  in  the  Church  of  England,  but  behaved  as  a 
layman  after  his  conversion.  However,  it  is  supposed  he 
thought  celibacy  to  be  the  properest  state  for  persons  in  holy 
orders,  not  only  as  approaching  nigher  that  of  Christ  his 
Master,  but  as  a  state  less  distracted  with  family  cares,  and 
worldly  solicitude,  allowing  more  leisure  for  the  great  duties 
of  their  calling.  But  by  all  accounts  of  him,  he  lived  with 
an  unblemished  character,  with  respect  to  his  morals  and 
chastity ;  all  sides  agree  in  his  character  as  a  Christian.  He 
was  now  drawing  towards  the  end  of  his  career,  and  pre¬ 
paring  his  soul  in  a  greater  degree  of  sanctification  and  re¬ 
signation  to  the  will  of  his  Creator,  when  that  dreadful 
storm  of  persecution  against  the  professors  of  his  ,religion 
was  just  going  to  rise ;  but  the  goodness  of  God  snatched 
him  from  it,  to  place  him  in  the  tabernacles  of  the  just ;  and 
being  seized  with  a  fever,  which  proved  his  last,  he  rendered 
his  pious  soul  to  God  in  a  good  old  age,  May  4tb,  1678, 
aged  70.” — “  He  was  privately  interred  in  the  church-yard 
of  St.  Pancras,  near  London,  under  an  ordinary  monument 
raised  altar-wise,  built  a  little  height  with  bricks,  and 
covered  with  a  slab  of  blue  marble,  on  .which  was  this  hum¬ 
ble  inscription:  ‘Elegi  abjedus  esse  in  domo  Domini ,  Sr 
mansi  in  solitudine ,  non  queer ens  quod  mihi  utile ,  sed  quod 
mult  is  d  ” 

“  Afterwards,  in  the  year  1732,  the  grave  was  opened, 
and  after  digging  about  a  foot  from  the  surface  of  the  earth, 
a  small  but  firm  cemented  arch  was  found,  just  sufficient  to 
encompass  the  coffin,  which  being  quite  laid  open,  the  coffin 
was  found  to  be  decayed,  and  the  bones,  bare  of  flesh,  were 
carefully  gathered  together,  and  preserved  decently  till  a 
new  coffin  was  brought,  wherein  they  were  deposited  ;  and  a 
handsome  marble  monument  was  erected  to  his  memory,  and 
to  that  of  a  young  lady  of  great  merit.”  This  lady  was 
“  the  first  and  most  beloved  wife  of  Cuthbert  Constable,  of 
Burton,  Esq.,  Amatia,  or  Amcy,  daughter  of  Lord  Clifford  ; 
she  died  25th  July,  1731,  aetat.  26.  Her  widower  caused 
her  to  be  buried  by  Mr.  Woodhead,  and  erected  this  new 
monument  jointly  for  her  and  also  for  that  pious  great  man, 
with  the  following  epitaph  : 

.  .  ;  ~  -  -  «- 


400 


APPENDIX. 


Hie  jacet 

Qui  elegit  abjectus  esse  in  dorao  Dei, 

Et  mansit  in  solitudine, 

Non  quaerens  quod  sibi  esset  utile,  sed  quod  multis, 
Abraham  Wood  head  ; 

Maximum  Oollegii  Universitatis  Oxonii,  ut  & 
totius  saeculi  ornamentum ; 

Vivumque  virtutem  omnium  exemplar. 

Yir 

Versus  Deum  ardentissima  pietate, 

Versus  Ecclesiam  Cafcholicam  humilisimo  obsequio, 
Studiorum  indefessa  assiduitate  mirabilis, 
Honoribus,  divitiis,  saeculiq ;  voluptatibus  omnibus 
Vitarn  humilem,  obscuram  &  laboriosam  praetulit : 

Neque  Libris 

Qnos  per-multos  &  utilissimos  &  piissimos  doctissimosque 

edidit, 

Nomen  suum  inscribi  passus  est. 

Obiit  fere  septuagenarius  Maii  4to, 

Anno  Dom.  1678. 

P.  V. 

Cuthbertus  Constable,  &c. 

“  On  the  same  monument  which  covers  both  bodies,  on 
the  opposite  side  to  this  epitaph  of  Mr.  Woodhead,  is  in¬ 
scribed  on  a  like  slab  of  fine  white  marble,  an  epitaph  of 
like  length  in  memory  of  Mrs.  Amey  Constable,  daughter 
of  Hugh  Lord  Clifford,  of  Chudleigh,  in  which  is  drawn 
an  admirable  portraiture  of  her  most  amiable  virtues. 

“  Cuthbert  Constable,  Esq.,  died  25th  March,  1757,  and 
was  buried  at  Burton,  near  Hull,  in  Holderness.” 

VVe  are  aware  that  many  of  the  circumstances  related  in 
this  sketch  of  Mr.  Woodhead’s  life,  do  not  accord  with  what 
Mr.  Wood  has  written  in  his  “  Ath.  Oxon. but  we  have 
preferred  the  authority  of  Mr.  Simon  Berington,  who  wrote 
his  life  at  the  request  of  Mr.  Constable,  and  who  has  always 
given  his  reasons  when  he  has  dissented  from  Mr.  Wood ; 
we  have  had  also  the  advantage  of  consulting  some  notes 
written  by  the  late  esteemed,  learned,  and  accurate  Reve¬ 
rend  Alban  Butler.  In  our  next  number,  we  intend  to  give 


APPENDIX. 


401 


some  account  of  the  numerous  works  composed  by  the  inde¬ 
fatigable  and  pious  subject  of  this  memoir. 

The  writings  of  Mr.  W oodhead  are  so  numerous,  and  con¬ 
tain  such  a  fund  of  erudition,  of  solid  piety,  and  of  sound 
argument,  that  they  form  a  complete  devotional  and  contro¬ 
versial  library,  and  have  not  only  been  highly  commended 
by  many  succeeding  Catholic  authors,  but  several  learned 
Protestant  writers  have  borne  testimony  to  their  merit. — 
66  His  works,”  says  A.  Wood,  the  Protestant  Oxford  histo¬ 
rian,  <£  show  him  to  have  been  a  person  of  sound  and  solid 
judgment;  well  read  in  the  Fathers,  and  in  the  polemical 
writings  of  the  most  eminent  and  renowned  defenders  of  the 
Church  of  England.”  The  celebrated  antiquary  Hearne 
writes  in  one  of  his  letters :  “  I  always  looked  upon  Mr. 
Abraham  Woodhead  to  be  one  of  the  greatest  men  that  ever 
this  nation  produced.”  And  one  of  his  antagonists,  Dr. 
W'itby,  allows,  in  his  u  Preface  to  his  Appendix  of  Idolatry 
and  Host- worship,”  that  “  the  author  of  the  ‘Guide  to  Con¬ 
troversy’  is  a  person  most  highly  famed  among  the  Roman 
Catholics ;  and  he  is  the  most  ingenious  and  solid  writer  of 
the  Roman  party.”  These  gentlemen  were  all  Protestants. 
It  will  be  unnecessary  to  quote  more  than  one  Catholic 
writer.  Mr.  Simon  Berington,  in  his  brief  account  of  the 
writings  and  life  of  the  author  of  <e  Ancient  Church  Govern¬ 
ment,”  &c.,  has  this  passage  :  u  But  what  is  particularly  to 
be  admired  in  Mr.  W oodhead  is,  that  in  all  his  disputes  with 
his  learned  adversaries,  one  may  say,  the  most  learned  the 
Church  of  England  ever  had,  he  never  exceeds  the  bounds 
of  modesty  and  fair  language  ;  never  using  any  personal,  or 
even  party  reflections ;  free  from  passion  or  invidious  zeal, 
he  calmly,  but  with  the  more  solidity,  shows  the  weakness 
of  his  adversaries’  cause,  the  strength  of  his  own,  and  leads 
them  insensibly  to  the  truth,  by  a  certain  force  of  reasoning 
peculiar  to  himself.”  He  however  admits,  that  “  his  method 
and  style  is  wholly  peculiar  to  himself ;  and  indeed  so  very 
uncommon,  that  if  there  can  be  any  objection  against  them, 
that  is  the  cbiefest ;  nothing  can  be  objected  against  his  learn¬ 
ing  or  judgment,  and  very  few  come  up  to  it ;  his  intermixing 
so  many  paratheses  and  parentheses,  runs  through  all  his 
.  34* 


402 


APPENDIX. 


works,  and  sometimes  hinders  the  sense  from  being  carried  on 
so  smoothly  as  it  might  be  otherwise,  but  makes  fully  amends 
by  the  solidity  of  his  judgment,  and  vast  stock  of  learning ; 
he  almost  crowds  in  his  paragraphs.  This  is  another  pecu¬ 
liar  mark  of  his  writings,  so  that  sometimes,  by  an  over¬ 
cautiousness,  endeavoring  to  express  his  sentiments  more 
fully,  and  to  leave  nothing  without  reflection,  he  is  a  little 
hard  to  be  understood  in  some  places.  It  is  also  customary 
with  him  to  refer  the  reader  to  what  he  had  wrote  in  some 
former  treatises.”  With  these  acknowledged  peculiarities, 
his  works  were  nevertheless  greatly  esteemed  by  the  late 
learned  and  pious  author  of  “  The  Saints’  Lives,”  who  pos¬ 
sessed  many  of  his  manuscripts.  The  following  catalogue 
of  Mr.  Woodhead’s  writings,  which  we  trust  will  prove  more 
correct  than  any  hitherto  published,  has  been  formed  in  a 
great  measure  from  the  manuscript  notes  of  Mr.  Cuthbert 
Constable;  like  him,  we  have  not  attended  to  the  exact 
chronology  of  dates,  but  have  in  this  respect  followed  Mr- 
S.  Berington. 

While  he  resided  at  the  university,  he  composed  a  book 
of  logic,  another  of  philosophy,  and  one  of  the  form  and  use 
of  a  common  place-book,  besides  some  other  tracts ;  none  of 
these  were  ever  printed,  and  the  manuscripts  are  lost. 

When  he  was  tutor  to  the  Duke  of  Buckingham  and  his 
brother,  he  wrote  a  paraphrase  on  St.  Paul’s  Epistles,  to  the 
end  of  the  Hebrews,  in  222  pages,  octavo,  printed  at  Oxford, 
1675  ;  it  was  afterwards,  in  1702,  reprinted  by  Dr.  Fell,  at 
London,  in  octavo,  in  419  pages,  and  was  perfectly  con¬ 
formable  to  the  MS.  as  far  as  it  went. 

During  the  time  he  was  with  Lord  Capel,  he  published  his 
“  Instructions  for  Oratory,”  and  a  small  tract  «  Of  Perspec¬ 
tive  Glasses.” 

After  he  had  retired  to  Hoxton,  the  following  numerous 
list  was  the  work  of  his  indefatigable  pen : — 

“  An  Historical  Narration  of  tlie  Life  and  Death  of  Christ,” 
in  two  parts,  printed  at  the  Theatre,  Oxford,  1685  ;  many 
exceptions  were  made  in  the  university  against  this  book, 
particularly  by  Doctor  George  Reynall,  of  Caius  College. 

“  The  Benefits  of  our  Saviour.”  Quarto,  Oxford,  1680, 
pp.  287.  ’ 


403 


APPENDIX. 

*  ,  ' 

11  Ancient  Church  Government,”  in  five  parts  :  the  first 
part  is  entitled,  “  A  Brief  Account  of  Ancient  Church  Gov¬ 
ernment,  with  Beflections  on  the  several  modern  Writings 
of  the  Presbyterians it  is  also  called  the  “  First  Treatise 
of  the  first  Part  of  Ancient  Church  Government;”  it  con¬ 
tains,  first,  the  succession  of  the  apostles  to  our  Lord  in  his 
pastoral  office,  and  the  primacy  of  St.  Peter ;  secondly,  the 
succession  of  bishops  to  the  apostles,  their  authority,  and 
the  presbyters’  subordination  to  them ;  thirdly,  the  presby- 
terian  plea  against  bisbops  ;  and  fourthly,  the  answer  to  this 
plea;  in  one  vol.  quarto,  London,  1685,  pp.  267. 

The  second  and  third  treatise  of  the  third  part  of  “  Ancient 
Church  Government,”  consisting  of  287  pages  :  the  second 
treatise  treats  of  the  indeficiency  of  the  clergy,  and  of  the 
Evangelical  doctrine  delivered  to  them  by  the  Lord ;  in  99 
pages,  quarto.  In  the  third  treatise  is  contained  the  subor¬ 
dination  of  bishops,  their  several  jurisdictions,  and  the  pri¬ 
mary  and  supreme  authority  of  the  Bishop  of  Rome,  reflecting 
on  the  writings  of  several  learned  Protestants — Bishop  Bram- 
hill,  Doctor  Field,  Doctor  Fern,  Doctor  Hammond,  and  others. 
These  two  treatises  are  commonly  bound  together,  making 
287  pages  quarto,  printed  at  Oxford,  1688.  These,  with  the 
first  treatise,  make  up  all  the  first  part  of  “  Church  Govern¬ 
ment,”  in  two  distinct  volumes. 

.  “  Church  Government,”  second  part,  showing  the  autho¬ 
rity  and  subordinations  of  councils  composed  of  united  bodies 
of  the  clergy  ;  a  MS.  in  quarto,  containing,  if  printed,  about 
200  pages. 

i(  Ancient  Church  Government,”  *  third  part,  concerning 
heresy  and  schism,  and  who  have  anciently  been  accounted 
such :  London,  1736,  quarto.  This  volume  is  now  lying 
before  us,  and  from  the  back  of  the  title-page  we  transcribe 
the  following  note,  which  is  in  the  handwriting  of  the  learned 
Alban  Butler  himself : — “  Mr.  Constable,  who  died  at  Bur¬ 
ton,  his  seat,  at  Holderness,  near  Hull,  25th  of  March,  1757, 
employed  in  publishing  this  volume  Mr.  Simon  Berington, 
who  died  in  1758 ;  was  much  dissatisfied  with  the  style  and 

♦This  third  part  contains  an  accurate  account  of  Mr.  Woodhead’s life. 
(See  Dodd  also,  vol.  iii.,  folio  ed.) 


«  -  . 


404 


APPENDIX. 


inaccuracies  of  the  preface  and  author’s  life ;  and  on  this 
account,  suppressed  and  destroyed  the  whole  edition,  except 
three  or  four  copies  which  were  got  abroad  before  they  came 
into  his  hands.  This  copy  he  kept  for  his  own  use,  and  cor¬ 
rected  it  in  the  list  of  the  author’s  writings.  Mr.  Constable 
was  displeased  to  find  that  Mr.  Berington  endeavored  to  give 
Mr.  Woodhead  the  honor  of  being  the  author  of  the  ‘  Whole 
Duty  of  Man,’  and  other  works  of  the  same  hand,  which  Mr. 
Constable  could  by  no  means  be  persuaded  of,  merely  on 
account  of  the  difference  of  style,  there  occurring  in  the 
4  Whole  Duty  of  Man,’  and  the  other  works  of  that  author, 
scarce  any  parentheses,  with  which  all  Mr.  Woodhead’s  works 
abound.  Nevertheless  certain  it  is,  that  Doctor  John  Fell, 
dean  of  Christ  Church,  afterwards  bishop  of  Oxford,  who  pub¬ 
lished  the  other  works  of  the  author  of  the  ‘  Whole  Duty  of 
Man,’  namely,  the  ‘Ladies’  Calling,’  the  ‘Art  of  Contentment,’ 
the  ‘  Government  of  the  Tongue,’  the  ‘  Lively  Oracles  given 
unto  us,’  &c.,  in  folio,  at  Oxford  in  1675 — 1678  ;  and  wrote 
the  preface,  which  he  prefixes  to  this  edition,  and  who  was  the 
only  person  then  living  who  knew  the  true  author  of  the  ‘  Whole 
Duty  of  Man,’  gave  this  book  in  London  with  the  pieces  of 
Mr.  Woodhead,  and  ordered  Mr.  Woodhead’s  name  to  be 
adiled  to  the  title  of  this,  as  well  as  of  the  other  works, 
which  he  gave  to  be  bound  ;  if  Mr.  Woodhead  wrote  that 
celebrated  work,  it  was  before  he  travelled  abroad,  or  had 
any  thoughts  of  embracing  the  Catholic  faith.” 

The  fourth  part  of  the  “  Ancient  Church  Government,”  is 
a  MS.  in  two  vols.,  containing  what  former  Councils  have 
been  lawfully  general  and  obliging  ;  and  what  have  been  the 
doctrines  of  such  councils-,  obliging  in  relation  to  reformation. 
In  one  of  these  vols.  is  to  be  found  considerations  upon  the 
Council  of  Trent. 

The  fifth  part  of  the  “  Ancient  Church  Government,”  con¬ 
cerning  the  Reformation,  was  published  at  Oxford,  1687, 
quarto,  and  was  answered  by  Doctor  Smalridge,  and  also  by 
an  anonvmous  writer. 

“  A  Rational  Account  of  the  Doctrines  of  Catholics,”  con¬ 
cerning  the  ecclesiastical  guide  in  controversy  of  religion, 
reflecting  on  the  writings  of  Protestants,  particularly  Areh- 
bish.  Laud,  and  Doctor  Stillingfleet,  on  this  subject,  by  R.  H. 


APPENDIX. 


405 


The  second  edition,  1673,  quarto,  consists  of  four  discourses, 
to  which  are  commonly  added  explications  concerning  the 
resolution  of  farith. 

“  Doctor  Stillingfleet’s  Principles  Considered.”  Paris, 
1671,  a  small  octavo.  Of  this  piece  Dr.  Seth  ward,  Bishop 
of  Salisbury,  said  it  contained  more  reason  than  all  Dr.  Stil¬ 
lingfleet’s  volumes. 

“  Of  the  Holy  Eucharist,”  in  four  parts,  a  thick  quarto  MS. 

“  A  Compendious  Discourse  on  the  Eucharist.”  Dr.  Adrick 
wrote  a  reply  to  this,  which  Mr.  Woodhead  answered  in  an 
appendix. 

“  Two  Discourses,”  concerning  the  Black  Rubric,  and  the 
adoration  of  our  Lord  in  the  Holy  Eucharist. .  Ox.  1687, 
quarto. 

“  The  Apocalypse  Paraphrased,”  a  small  quarto,  without 
a  title.  To  which  is  added  an  extract  from  Bish.  Montague’s 
appeal  concerning  Mahomet. 

“  Of  Images  and  Idolatry.”  Ox.  1689,  pp.  82. 

u  Of  Justification,”  a  MS.  in  quarto. 

“  Roman- Doctrine  of  Penance  and  of  Indulgences.”  1672, 
small  octavo  ;  and  quarto  in  1679. 

“  Roman  Devotions  Vindicated.”  1672. 

“  Luther’s  Spirit,  or  the  Original  of  the  Reformation,  and 
of  Celibacy.”  Ox.  1687.  The  first  part  of  this  was  answered 
by  Bish.  Atterbury,  and  the  second  part  by  Mr.  Tully,  of 
Queen’s  Coll.,  Ox.  in  1688. 

“  Five  Discourses  of  the  Necessity  of  Faith,  of  Infallibility, 
of  Submission,  of  Judgment,  Trial  of  Doctrines,  Dangers  of 
Schism.”  1688,  quarto. 

u  Of  Invocation  of  Saints,”  in  four  parts,  a  thick  quarto 
MS. 

“  Of  the  State  of  the  Dead,”  in  two  parts,  MS. 

<c  Of  -Sacred  Things,”  a  small  quarto,  MS. 

<e  Benefits  of  the  Holy  Ghost,”  MS. 

“  Of  God’s  Just  Proceedings  with  Man  fallen,  and  of  the 
actings  of  His  Spirit  with  Man’s  freewill,”  MS. 

“  Catholic  Theses,”  on  several  chief  heads  of  controversy, 
printed  only  to  p.  101,  the  rest  in  MS.  sufficient  to  make  a 
thick  quarto ;  what  is  printed  is  without  name  of  place  or 
year, 


406 


APPENDIX. 


Of  “  Miracles,”  MS.  This,  Mr.  Nicholson  says,  was  hia 
last  work,  a  small  quarto,  in  207  pages. 

“  Short  Confession  of  Faith,”  MS. 

“  St:  Augustin’s  Confession,”  translated  1679,  octavo. 

“  St.  Teresa’s  Life  and  Way  of  Perfection,”  translated, 
with  a  long  preface  by  himself. 

“  Life  of  Gregory  Lopez,”  a  translation. 

“  The  Life  of  Mons.  De  Renty,”  from  the  French. 

“  The  Piety  of  Rome  and  Paris,”  thin  octavo.  This  was 
answered  by  James  Harrington,  B.A.,  of  C.  C.  Coll. ;  he  was 
afterwards  a  barrister  of  the  Inner  Temple. 

“  Of  Temporal  Government;”  this  has  been  long  since  lost. 

“A  Discourse  of  the  Necessity  of  Church  Guides,”  for 
directing  Christians  in  necessary  faith,  &c.,  by  R.  II.,  1675. 

“  The  Greeks’  Opinion  of  the  Eucharist,”  misrepresented 
by  Mr.  Claude,  in  his  answer  to  Mr.  Arnold,  1686,  quarto. 

“  Institutions  of  the  Congregation  of  the  Oratory,  at  St. 
Mary’s  in  Vallocell,”  by  St.  Philip  Neri.  Ox.  duodecimo, 
1687. 

“  The  Life  of  St.  Philip  Neri,”  founder  of  the  Congrega¬ 
tion  of  the  Oratory,  translated  from  the  Lati»  copy  of  Johan¬ 
nes  Baccius,  printed  in  1656,  in  octavo.  To  which  are  added 
certain  pieces  of  St.  Augustine,  vindicating  the  continuance 
of  miracles.  The  miracles  of  Port  Royal,  &c. 

“  The  Scale  of  Perfection,”  London,  1679,  and  other  pious 
devotions  first  published  in  1494,  by  Walter  Hilton,  put  into 
modern  English  by  Mr.  Woodhead. 

A  small  tract,  u  Of  Measuring  Figures,”  MS. 

“  Heads  of  Meditations,”  in  obscure  characters,  MS. 

A  treatise  “  Concerning  Prayer,”  quarto. 

“The  Considerations  on  the  Council  of  Trent,”  being  the 
fifth  discourse  concerning  the  guide  to  controversies,  by  R. 
H.,  1671,  and  again,  London,  1687. 

Such  are  the  works  of  Mr.  A.  Woodhead :  works  which 
display  such  an  extraordinary  degree  of  profound  learning, 
of  patient  investigation,  and  of  unaffected  piety,  with  such 
cool  and  dispassionate  argument,  that  they  justly  stand  pre¬ 
eminent  among  the  polemical  writers  of  the  seventeenth 
century. 


APPENDIX. 


407 


No.  HI. 

CANONIZATIO  SANCTiE  THERESLE  VIRGINIS, 

Tam  Fratrum ,  quam  Monialium  C armelitar^'m 
Discalceatorum  Fundatricis. 

GREGORIUS  EPISCOPUS, 

Servu8  Servorum  Dei. 

AD  PERPETUAM  REI  MEMORIAM. 

Omnipotens  Sermo  Dei,  cum  de  sinu  Patris  ad  hsec  infe- 
riora  descendisset,  ut  erueret  nos  de  potestate  tenebrarum, 
completo  dispensationis  tempore,  transiturus  de  hoc  mundo 
ad  Patrem,  ad  propagan  dam  per  to  tarn  terrarum  orbem  elec- 
torum  suorum  Ecclesiam,  quam  sanguine  suo  acquisiverat, 
eamque  yerbo  vitae  erudiendam,  ad  confundendam  sapien- 
.tiam  sapientium,  et  destruendam  oinnem  altitudinem,  quae  ad- 
versus  Deum  extollebatur,  non  multos  nobiles  elegit,  nec 
multos  sapientes,  sed  contemptibiles  mundi ;  qui  non  in  sub- 
limitate  sermonis,  nec  in  humanae  sapientae  verbo,  sed  in 
simplicitate  et  veritate  ministerium  swum,  ad  quod  a  diebus 
aeternitatis  praedestinati  erant,  adimplerent. 

1.  In  sequentibus  verd  generationibus,  cum  juxta  praeor- 
dinata  tempora,  plebem  suam  per  servos  suos  fideles  visitare 
dignatus  est,  plerumque  parvulos  et  humiles  assumpsit,  per 
quos  Catholicae  Ecclesiae  ingentia  praestaret  beneficia ;  quibus 
ipse,  juxta  verbum  suum,  abscondita  a  sapientibus  et  pru- 
dentibus  regrii  coelestis  mysteria  revelaret,  eosque  superiorum 
charismatum  donis  adeo  illustraret,  ut  omnium  virtutum  ac 
bonorum  operum  exemplis  Ecclesiam  foverent,  ac  signorum 
gloria  clarificarent in  diebus  vero  nostris  fecit  salutem 
magnam  in  manu  feminae ;  suscitavit  enim  in  Ecclesia  sua, 
veluti  novam  Debboram,  Theresiam  Yirginemj  quae  post- 


408 


APPENDIX. 


quain  mirabili  victoria  carnem  suam  perpetua  virginitate, 
mundum  admirabili  humilitate,  et  cunctas  adinventiones  dia- 
boli  multis  maximisque  virtutibus  superasset,  excelsiora  mo- 
liens,  et  virtutem  sexus  animi  magnitudine  supergressa,  ac- 
cinxit  fortitudine  lumbos  suos,  et  roboravit  brachium  suum, 
et  instruxit  exercitus  fortium ;  qui  pro  domo  Dei  Sabaoth,  et 
pro  lege  ejus,  et  pro  mandatis  ejus  armis  spiritualibus  decer- 
tarent,  quam  Dominus  ad  tantum  opus  peragendum  abun- 
danter  implevit  spiritu  sapientiae  et  intellects,  et  thesauris 
gratiae  suae  adeo  illustravit,  ut  splendor  ejus,  tamquam  Stella 
in  firmamento,  fulgeat  in  domo  Dei  in  perpetuas  aeternitates. 

2.  Dignum  igitur  et  eongruum  existimavimus,  ut  quam 
Deus  et  Unigenitus  Filius  ejus  Dominus  noster  Jesus 
Christus,  quasi  sponsam  ornatam  corona,  et  decoratam  moni- 
libus  suis,  in  gloria  miraculorum  plebi  suae  manifestare  dig¬ 
itus  est,  Nos  quoque  pro  pastorali  solicitudine  nostra  in 
Universali  Ecclesia,  cui,  licet  meritis  minime  suffragantibus, 
praesidemus ;  tanquam  sanctam  et  electam  Dei  colendam  et 
venerandam,  Apostolica  auctoritate  decreveriuius,  ut  omnes 
populi  confiteantur  Domino  in  omnibus  mirabilibus  ejus,  et 
cognoscat  omnis  caro  quoniam  non  defecerunt  in  diebus  nos- 
tris  miserationes  ejus  j  qui,  quamvis  peccatis  nostris  exist- 
entibus,  visitet  nos  in  virga  indignationis  suae,  non  tameri 
continet  in  ira  sua  misericordias  suas ;  dum  in  afflictionibus 
nostris  novis  nos  praesidiis  munit,  et  amicos  suos  multiplicat, 
qui  Ecclesiam  suam  meritorum,  et  intercessionum  suffragiis 
protegant  ac  defendant. 

3.  Atque,  ut  universi  Christi  fideles  intelligant,  quam 
abunde  in  ancillam  suam  effuderit  Deus  de  Spiritu  suo,  ac 
propterea  erga  ipsam  devotio  in  dies  augeatur,  insigniores 
quasdam  ejus  virtutes,  et  aliqua  ex  magnalibus,  quae  in  manu 
ejus  operatus  est  Dominus,  his  literis  duximus  inserenda. 

JNata  est  Theresia  Abulae  in  regno  Castellae,  anno  Salutis 
humanae  millesimo  quingentesimo  quintodecimo,  parentibus, 
ut  genere  praeclaris,  ita  etiam  vitae  integritate  conspicuis ; 
a  quibus  in  timore  Domini  educata,  admirandum  futurae 
sanctitatis  in  tenerrima  adhuc  aetate  specimen  dedit ;  nam 
cum  Martyrum  Acta  perlegeret,  adeo  Sancti  Spiritus  igne 
cor  ejus  intra  earn  concaluit,  ut  cum  fratre  germano  etiam 


APPENDIX. 


409 


puero  domo  aufugeret,  ut  in  Africam  trajiceret,  ubi  sangui- 
nem  ac  vitam  pro  testimonio  Jesu  Christi  profunderet.  Sed 
occursu  patrui  revocata,  cum  optimam  sortem  sibi  ereptam 
esse,  jugibus  lacrymis  deploraret,  ardens  martyrii  desiderium 
eleemosynis,  aliisque  operibus  compensavit. 

4.  Sed  cum  ad  vigesimum  aetatis  annum  pervenisset, 
Christo  se  totam  despondit,  et  vocationem,  qua  ab  eo  vocata 
erat,  aggressa,  ad  moniales  Sanctae  Mariae  de  Monte  Carmelo 
ordinis  Mitigati  se  contulit,  ut  plantata  in  domo  Domini,  in 
atriis  domus  Dei  nostri  floreret :  professione  itaque  in  eo 
Monasterio  emissa,  cum  per  duo  et  yiginti  annos  gravissimis 
morbis,  ac  variis  praeterea  tentationibus  vexata  esset,  nul- 
lisque  supernis  consolationibus  reficeretur,  adeo  invicte,  ad- 
juvante  Domino,  omnia  pertulit,  ut  probatio  fidei  illius  omni 
pretiosior  auro,  quod  per  ignem  probatur,  inventa  fuerit,  in 
laudem,  et  gloriam,  et  honorem,  in  revelationem  Jesu  Christi. 

5.  Et  quoniam  ad  erigendum  sublime  Christianarum  vir- 
tutum  aedificium,  fidei  fundamentum  ponendum  fuit,  illud 
adeo  stabile  ac  inconcussum  Theresia  collocavit,  ut  juxta 
verbum  Domini,  comparanda  sit  viro  sapienti,  qui  aedificavit 
domum  suam  supra  petram;  ea  etenim  firmitate  Sacrosancta 
Ecclesiae  Sacramenta,  caeteraque  Catholicae  religionis  dog¬ 
mata  credebat  et  venerabatur,  ut  majorem,  ut  ipsa  saepius 
testificabatur,  de  qualibet  re  certitudinem  habere  non  posset : 
hac  fidei  lucerna  illuminata,  Domini  nostri  Jesu  Christi  cor¬ 
pus  in  Sacratissima  Eucharistia  mentis  oculis  adeo  clare  in- 
tuebatur,  ut  assereret,  nihil  esse  quod  invideret  eorum  beati- 
tudini,  qui  corporeis  oculis  Dominum  conspexisset,  tantjum 
autem  vivae  spei  in  Domino  collocaveret,  ut  jugiter  deplo¬ 
raret  quod  tamdiu  in  praesenti  mortali  vita  detineretur,  quae 
sibi  impedimentum  afferret,  quo  minus  semper  cum  Domino 
esset,  nec  raro  dum  in  corde  suo  coelestis  patriae  gaudia  re- 
cogitabat,  mente  excedebat,  et  ad  eorum  fruitionem  in  carne 
rapiebatur. 

6.  Sed  inter  caeteras  Theresiae  virtutes,  praecipue  emicuit 
dilectio  Dei,  quae  adeo  in  corde  ejus  exarsit,  ut  Confessarii 
ipsius  Theresiae  caritatem,  tamquam  non  hominis  sed  cheru¬ 
bim  propriam,  admirarentur  et  celebrarent,  quam  etiam 
Dominus  noster  Jesus  Christus  multis  visionibus  ac  revela- 

35 


410 


AP  P  ENDI  X  . 


tionibus  mirabiliter  auxit :  quandoque  enim  data  dextera, 
clavoque  ostenso,  illam  in  sponsam  suam  adoptavit,  atque 
his  verbis  alloqui  dignatus  est :  “  Deinceps  ut  vera  sponsa 
nieuin  zelabis  honorem  ;  jam  ipse  sum  totus  tuus,  et  tu  tota 
mea.”  Aliquando  etiam  Angelum  vidit,  ignito  jaculo  sibi 
praecordia  transverberantem,  ex  quibus  ccelestibus  donis 
diviui  amoris  flamma  in  ejus  corde  adeo  exaestualat,  ut 
maxime  arduum  votum  a  Deo  edocta  emiserit — efficiendi 
semper  quicquid  perfectius  esse,  et  ad  majorem  Dei  gloriam 
pertinere  intelligeret.  Quin  etiam  post  mortem  cuidam  Mo- 
niali  per  visum  manifestavit,  se  non  vi  morbi,  sed  ex  intole- 
rabili  divini  amoris  incendio  vita  excessisse. 

7.  Sed  qua m  perpetua  cbaritate  proximum  dilexit,  nmltis 
arguments  manifestum  fuit,  sed  prae.sertim  ex  ardenti  desi- 
derio  quo  animarum  salutem  desiderabat.  Infidelium  et 
Haereticorum  tenebras  perpetuis  lacrymia  deflebat,  ac  pro 
eorum  illuminatione  non  solum  juges  ad  Deum  preces  funde- 
bat,  sed  et  jejunia,  flagellationes,  ac  alias  carnis  rtiacerationes 
offerebat.  Proposuit  enim  S.  Virgo  in  corde  suo,  nullum 
diem  sine  caritatis  officio  transigere :  in  quo  etiam  Deus  ipsi 
auxilium  preestitit :  nunquam  enim  ei  defuit,  ipso  largiente, 
exercendae  caritatis  occasio. 

8.  Mirabiliter  autem  imitata  est  Dominum  nostrum  Jesum 
Christum  in  delectione  inimicorum  :  nam  cum  ingentes  pate- 
rentur  persecutiones  et  adversitates,  diligebat  tarnen  perse- 
quentes,  et  orabat  pro  his  qui  oderant  se.  Quinimo,  detri- 
menta  et  offensiones  quas  perpetiebatur,  amoris  et  caritatis 
ipsi  escam  ministrabant,  adeo  ut  viri  graves  dicere  solerent ; 
qui  amari  a  Theresia  vellet,  damno  aut  injuria  ut  earn  affr- 
ceret,  oportere. 

9.  Vota  vero,  quae  in  professione  religionis  Deo  voverat, 
maxima  cura  ac  diligentia  reddidit,  nec  enim  tantummodo 
omnes  exteriores  actus  Superiorum  arbitrio  maxima  cum  ha¬ 
bilitate  spiritus  perticiebat:  sed  firmiter  etiam  in  corde  suo 
const ituit,  eorum  voluntati  omnes  etiam  cogitationes  suas 
subjicere.  Cujus  etiam  rei  egregia  exempla  reliquit,  nam 
Dominum  Jesum  Christum  sibi  saepius  apparentem,  aliquando 

(yonfessariis  jussa,  qui  dolusam  ab  angelo  tenebrarum  sus- 
picabantur,  humiliter  irrisit,  sprevitque )  sed  non  sine  niagno 


APPENDIX. 


411 


tarn  profundae  obedientiae  praemio.  Quin  etiam  volumen, 
quod  in  Cantica  Canticorum  insigni  pietate  refertum,  scrip- 
scrat,  ut  confessario  obtemperaret  flammis  injecet.  Dicere 
auteui  solebat,  se  in  discernendis  visionibus  ac  revelationibus 
decipi  posse :  in  obedientia  vero  superioribus  prsestanda, 
falli  non  posse. 

10.  Paupertatem  aded  dilexit,  utnon  solum  labore  manuum 
suarurn  victum  sibi  compararet ;  sed  si  quam  monialem  vilio- 
ribus  indutam  vestimentis  conspexisset,  illico  sua  cum  illius 
commutaret:  ac  si  quando  sibi  necessaria  deficerent,  mirifice 
laetaretur  et  exultaret,  gratiasque  Deo  ageret,  tamquam  in- 
signe  aliquod  consecuta  beneficium. 

11.  Sed  inter  eaeteras  ejus  virtutes,  quibus  quasi  sponsa  a 
Deo  ornata,  mirifice  excelluit,  integerrima  effulsit  castitas  • 
quam  adeo  eximie  coluit,  ut  non  solum  propositum  virginita- 
tis  servandae  a  pueritia  conceptum,  usque  ad  mortem  per- 
duxerit,  sed  omnis  expertem  maculae,  angelicam  in  corpore  et 
corde  servaverit  puritatem. 

12.  Quas  adeo  insignes  virtutes  mirifica  humilitate  cordis 
ornabat,  cum  etenim  in  dies  divinis  charismatibus  anima  ejus 
impingeretur,  saepius  exclamabat  ad  Dominum,  ut  beneficiis 
in  earn  suis  terminum  statueret ;  nec  tarn  cito  ingentium 
scelerum  oblivisceretur. 

13.  Contumelias  vero  et  irrisiones  ardentissime  sitiebat,  ac 
non  solum  bumanos  honores,  sed  nosci  quoque  ab  hominibus 
abhorrebat. 

14.  Invictam  autem  hujus  sanctae  virginis  patientiam  ilia 
vox  attestatur,  quae  saepius  ad  Dominum  exclamabat  “  Domi- 
ne,  aut  pati,  aut  mori !” 

15.  Praeter  haec  omnia  divinae  beneficientae  munera,  quibus 
hanc  dilectam  suam,  quasi  pretiosis  monilibus  decoratam, 
esse  voluit,  Omnipotens,  aliis  etiam  gratiis  et  donis  abunde 
ipsam  locupletavit :  adimplevit  eniin  earn  spiritu  intelligentiae, 
ut  non  solum  bonorum  operum  in  Ecclesia  Dei  exempla  re- 
linqueret,  sed  et  illam  ccelestis  sapientae  imbribus  irrigaret, 
editis  de  mystica  theologia,  aliisque  etiam  multa  pietate 
refertis  libellis,  ex  quibus  fidelium  mentes  uberrimos  fruc- 
tus  percipiunt,  et  ad  supernae  patriae  desiderium  maxim$ 
excitantur. 


412 


APPENDIX. 


V 


16.  Quibus  coelestibus  instructa  ac  illustrata  muneribus, 
opus  aggressa  est  maximum  quidem,  et  cuicumque  difficilli- 
mum,  sed  Ecclesiae  Christi  perquam  utile  ac  commodum : 
reformationem  euim  exorsa  est  ordinis  Carmelitani,  illud 
quoque  non  solum  in  mulieribus,  sed  in  viris  egregie 
praestitit. 

17 .  iEdificatis  non  modo  per  universas  Hispanias,  sed  et  per 
alias  etiam  Christiani  orbis  partes  tam  virorum,  quam  mulie- 
rum  monasteriis,  sine  pecunia,  sine  proventibus,  de  sola  Dei 
misericordia  praesumens ;  nec  modo  omnibus  humanis  destituta 
auxiliis,  sed  adversantibus  plerumque  ac  contradicentibus 
principibus  et  potestatibus  saeculi :  quae  tamen,  Domino  opus 
suum  confirmante,  radices  miserunt,  incrementum  suscepe- 
runt,  et  demum  in  domo  Dei  uberes  proventus  fructificarunt. 

18.  Tantas  virtu tes  Theresiae,  plurimis,  dum  adhuc  in 
humanis  ageret,  miraculis  Deus  illustravit ;  quorum  nonnulla 
praesentibus  literis  duximus  inserenda.  Cum  in  Conchensi 
dioecesi  maxima  esset  frumenti  penuria,  atque  in  monasterio 
de  Villa  Nova  de  Zara  vix  tantuin  farinae  reperiretur,  ut  per 
integrum  mensem  ad  victum  decern  et  octo  monialium  satis 
esset ;  hujus  sanctae  virginis  mentis  et  intercessione,  Deus 
omnipotens  qui  sperantes  in  se  enutrit,  earn  adeo  abundare 
fecit,  ut  quamvis  per  sex  menses  ex  ea  affatim  panes  ad  re- 
fectionem  ancillarum  Dei  fierent,  numquam  tamen  usque  ad 
novas  fruges  diminueretur.  Gravi  erysipilate  in  vultu,  ac 
febri  afflict abatur  Anna  a  Trinitate,  monialis  conventus  Me¬ 
dina  de  Campo,  cui  Theresia  primum  blandita,  deinde  laesa 
membra  leviter  attrectans, 4<  Bono  ammo,”  inquit,  «  sis  filia  : 
Deus,  ut  spero,  te  hoc  modo  liberabit statimque  febris, 
omnisque  morbus  ab  ea  abscessit.  Alberta,  ejusdem  monas- 
terii  priorissa,  pleuritide  ac  febre,  non  absque  vitae  periculo, 
laborab.it.  At  sancta  virgo  Theresia,  tacto  latere,  quod 
morbo  urgebatur,  earn  sanam  esse  pronunciavit  ac  surgere 
jussit ;  ilia  perfecte  sanata  statim  e  lecto  exiliit  laudans 
Deum. 

19.  x\dveniente  demum  tempore,  quo  pro  tot  laboribus  pro 
divino  lionore  exhaustis,  ac  tot  bonis  operibus  in  Ecclesiae 
utilitatem  perpetratis,  coronam  decoris  de  manu  Dei  esset 
receptura,  gravi  morbo  Albae  decurabens,  cum  toto  infirmi- 


APPENDIX. 


413 


tatis  tempore  frequentes,  ac  plene  admirabiles  de  divina  cha- 
ritate  cum  sororibus  sermones  habuisset,  ssepius  gratias  Deo 
agens,  quod  se  Catliolicae  Ecclesiae  aggregasset,  commendans, 
tamquam  praecipua  bona,  paupertatem,  ac  debitam  praepositis 
obedientiam  ;  accepto  humillime  ac  cum  coelesti  prorsus  cha- 
ritate  sacro  peregrinationis  suae  viatico,  ac  extreiuae  unctionis 
sacramento,  Christi  crucifixi  effigiem  manu  tenens,  ad  coeles- 
tem  Patriam  evolavit. 

20.  Pluribus  vero  signis  manifestavit  Deus  quam  sublimem 
gloriae  gradum  Therisiae  elargitus  in  ccelis  esset 3  multae 
etenim  moniales,  religiosae,  ac  timentes  Deum,  viderunt  de- 
corem  gloriae  ejus.  Alia  etenim  conspexit  supra  tectum 
ecclesiae  et  in  cboro,  et  super  decumbentis  cubiculum  multi- 
tudinem  coelestium  luminarium ;  alia  Christum  Dominum 
magno  coruscantem  splendore,  et  ingenti  angelorum  frequen- 
tia  circumdatum,  ejus  lecto  assistentem ;  alia  plurimos  albis 
amictos  vestibus  ipsius  cellam  ingredientes,  ac  cubile  circum- 
fusos ;  quaedam  etiam  in  ipso  transitus  momento  candidam 
columbam  ex  ipsius  ore  in  coelum  evolantem  3  alia,  splendo- 
rem,  crystalli  instar,  fenestra  egredientem  vidit  3  quin  etiam 
quaedam  arbor  calce  ac  macerie  obstructa,  ac  jamdudum  arida, 
quae  cubiculo  proxima  erat,  praeter  omnem  temporis  et  naturae 
ratiouem,  repente  floribus  onusta.  In  ipsa  transitus  hora 
apparuit  corpus  exanime,  specioissimum  ac  nulla  ruga  con- 
tractum,  ac  miro  decoratum  candore  apparuit,  ac  una  cum 
vestibus  ac  linteolis,  quibus  aegra  usa  erat,  omnibus  admiran- 
tibus,  mirifice  spirans  odorem.  Multa  etiam  magnalia,  quae 
tneritis  ancillae  suae  operatus  est  Deus,  ipsius  in  paradisum 
transitum  exultabilem  reddiderunt.  Quaedam  etiam  monialis 
dudum  capitis  et  oculorum  infirmitate  laborans,  apprehensa 
mortuae  virginis  manu,  ac  capiti  oculisque  admota,  statim 
convaluit :  altera  item  ejus  osculatis  pedibus,  sensum  odora- 
tus  amissum  recuperavit,  et  corporaliter  odorem  unguento- 
rura,  quo  sacrosanctum  ejus  corpus  a  Domino  perfusum  erat, 
percepit  3  corpus  ejus  absque  ullo  prorsus  medicamine  ligneo 
loculo  inclusuin,  alte  efossa  ad  sepulturam  humo,  ac  ingentibus 
lapidibus  et  calce  oppleta,  scrobe  sepultum  est ;  sed  e  sepul- 
chro  ejus  odor  adeo  ingens  ac  mirificus  emanabat,  ut  decre- 
tum  fuerit,  sacrum  corpus  exhumari  3  atque  illud  sane  inte- 
35*  • 


414 


APPENDIX. 


grum,  ac  incorruptum,  ac  flexibile,  ac  si  nuper  tumulatum 
fuisset,  repertum  fuit,  odorato  liquore  circumfusum,  quo  pe- 
ren  niter  usque  in  praesentem  diem,  Deo  ancillae  suce  sancti- 
tatem  jugi  miraculo  attestante,  desudat;  quare  aliis  vestibus 
indutum,  novaque  area  inclusum,  cum  priora  computruissent, 
eodem  loco  conditum  fuit.  Lapsoque  triennio,  cum  rursus 
ipsius  monumentum  aperiretur,  ut  sacrum  pignus  Abulam 
asportaretur  -f  ac  deinceps  frequenter  jussu  delegatorum 
apostolicorum  inviseretur,  semper  incorruptum,  ac  tractabile, 
eodem  liquore  ac  odore  perfusum  apparuit. 

21.  Sed  et  procedentibus  temporibus,  manifestavit  Deus 
hominibus  gloriam  suam,  praestitis  per  intercessionem  ancillae 
suae  frequentibus  beneficiis  his,  qui  se  fideliter  ejus  precibus 
commendassent :  puer  etenjm  quidam  quadriennio  adeo  con¬ 
tractus  ac  detortus  erat,  ut  nec  pedibus  insistere,  nec  cum 
jaceret  movere  posset,  eaque  infirmitas,  cum  illi  a  nativitate 
luisset,  nullumque  alferret  doloris  sensum,  incurabilis  prorsus 
videbatur,  cumque  per  novem  dies  ad  cubiculum,  quod  vivens 
Sancta  \  irgo  inhabitaverat  allatus  fuisset,  sensit  in  se  virtu- 
tern  venientem  ;  ac  repente  sanus,  ac  validus,  ac  suis  pedibus 
ambulans,  stupentibus  cunctis,  coepit  diffamare  se  a  Matre 
Theresia  de  Jcvsu  perfectam  sanitatem  fuisse  consequutum. 
Sajvissimis  doloribus  per  biennium  cruciabatur  Anna  a  Sancto 
Michaele  monialis,  tribus  chancris  pectus  ejus  adeo  alfligen- 
tibus,  ut  non  solum  solemni  expers  esset,  sed  nec  collum 
flectere,  nec  brachia  posset  attollere;  cumque  particulam 
reliquiarum  Sanctae  Theresiae  super  pectus  apposuisset,  et 
toto  cordis  effectu  se  ejus  patrocinio  commendasset,  non* 
solum  omnis  evanuit  plaga  a  corpore  ejus,  sed  et  alia  etiam, 
quam  in  corde  diu  habuerat,  infirmitate  libera,  momento  tem- 
poris  effecta.  Adeo  vexabatur  Franciscus  Perez,  parochialis 
ecclesiae  rector  a  postemate,  quod  in  os  pectoris  insederat  ut 
brachio  etiam  contracto,  a  celebratione  sacrosancti  missae 
sacrificii  per  quinque  menses  impediretur,  humanisque  re- 
midiis  deficientibus,  ad  divina  confugit,  et  ad  montes  Dei 
elevans  oculos,  salutem  consequutus  est  ejus  partis  sanita¬ 
tem  ;  cumque  deinde  sepulchrum  virginis  visitasset,  ejusque 
brachium,  quod  Albae  asservatur,  proprio  brachio,  quod  adhuc 
contractum  erat,  admovisset ;  in  eo  etiam  divinam  virtutem 


APPENDIX. 


415 


expertus  est,  restituta  sibi  perfecta  valetudine.  Joannes  de 
Leyna,  magno  gutturis  morbo  adeo  affligebatur,  nt  omnis 
respirationis  via  fere  interclusa  esset,  jamque  morti  proximus 
aniraam  agebat,  cum  sudarium,  quod  Sancte  Theresie  fuerat, 
ad  morbi  locum  magna  cum  fiducia  opposuit :  somnoque 
captus,  ac  paulo  post  experrectus,  se  meritis  Beate  Theresiae 
curatum  esse  repente  sanus  exclamavit. 

22.  Cum  igitur  per  universas  jam  gentes  et  nationes  sanc- 
titas  Theresiae  eelebraretur,  et  nomen  ipsius  ad  Christi  fideles 
magno  in  honore  esset,  operante  Domino  per  intercessionem 
ejus  tot  mirabilia,  quae  etiam  in  dies  una  cum  ipsius  venera- 
tione  augebantur,  fuerunt  auctoritate  apostolic  a  in  multis 
Hispaniae  partibus  formati  processus,  ac  ad  Sanctam  Sedem 
transmissi. 

23.  Et  instanter  agente  clarae  memoriae  Philippo  III., 
Hispaniae  Rege  Catholico,  negotio  tarn  in  Sacra  Rituum  Con- 
gregatione,  quam  in  RoU  diligenter  discusso,  Paulus  Y. 
predecessor  noster  indulsit,  ut  in  ejus  honorem,  tamquam  de 
Beata  Virgine  divinum  officium  in  to  to  fratrum  Carmelitano- 
rum  ordine  posset  celebrari.  Cumque  idem  Philippus  Rex, 
iterum  apud  predictum  Paulum  similiter  predecessorem  nos¬ 
trum,  pro  canonizatione  B.  Virginis  Theresie  supplicasset, 
idem  Paulus  iterum  negotium  commisit  Cardinalibus  Sancte 
Rituum  Congregationis,  qui  novos  processus  auctoritate  apos- 
tolica  conficiendos  decreverunt ;  atque  ad  id  munus  peragen- 
dum,  Bernardum  Cardinalem  de  Royas  Archiepiscopum  To- 
letanura,  et  Yenerabiles  Fratres  Episcopos  Abulen  et  Sala- 
mantin,  eadem  auctoritate  deputarunt;  qui  cum  diligenter 
de  mandato  negotio  perfuncti  essent,  omnia  acta  eidem  Paulo 
Y.,  predecessori  nostri  transmiserunt. 

24.  Qui,  tribus  apostolici  palatii  causarum  auditoribus 
Francisco  Archiepiscopo  Damasceno  locum  tenente,  nunc 
S.  R.  E.  Cardinali ;  Joanni  Baptiste  Caccino  Decano ;  et 
Alphonso  Manzanedo  dedit.  in  mandatis,  ut  summa  cum  dili- 
gentia  dicta  acta  examinarent,  et  que  eorum  sententia  esset, 
ad  ipsum  referrent.  Qui  omnibus  accurate,  prout  rei  mag¬ 
nitude  postulabat,  perpensis,  eidem  Paulo  Y.  predecessori 
retulerunt,  plene  justificari  vite  sanctitatem  ac  miracula 
Beate  Yirginis  Theresie,  omniaque  abunde  constare,  que 


416 


appendix- 


pro  canonizatione  ejusdem  a  sacr.  canonibus  requiruntur, 
posseque  ad  ulteriora  procedi. 

25.  Utque  ea  maturitate,  quae  rem  tantam  decebat,  nego- 
tium  transigeretur,  idem  Paulus  dilectis  filiis  nostris  S.  R.  E. 
Cardinalibus  Sacris  Ritibus  praefectis  ordinavit,  ut  praedictos 
processus  quam  diligentissime  rursus  inspicerent,  ac  de  tota 
causa  accurate  cognoscerent. 

26.  Cum  vero  idem  Paulus  humanae  peregrin ationis  viam 
complevisset,  nosque  (nullis  licet  nostris  meritis)  sola  divinm 
gratiae  dignatione  ad  Ecclesiae  gubernacula  vocati  essemus, 
ad  augmentum  divini  honoris,  et  sanctae  Ecclesiae  utilitatem 
pertinere  arbitrati  suinus,  ut  hujusmodi  negotium  promovere- 
tur ;  plurimum  etiam  ad  praesentium  temporum  calamitatem 
levandam  interesse  existimavimus,  si  Christi  fidelium  devotio 
erga  sanctos  et  electos  Dei,  qui  pro  nobis  in  tantis  necessi¬ 
tates  intercederent,  augeretur,  mandavimus  itaque  praedic- 
tis  Cardinalibus,  ut  quod  illis  a  praedecessore  nostro  praedicto 
fuerat  injunctum  quam-primum  excquerentur. 

27.  Quod  cum  illi  ea  diligentia,  qua  decebat,  perfecissent, 
ac  pro  S.  V  irginis  canonizatione  omnes  unanimiter  censuis- 
sent,  venerabilis  frater  noster  Franciscus  Maria  Epis.  Por- 
tuen.  cardinalis  5.  Monte,  totius  processus  summam,  ac  suam 
collegai  unique  sententiam  coram  nobis  in  Consistorio  nostro 
exposuit :  quibus  auditis,  reliqui  Cardinales,  qui  aderant  ad 
ulteriora  fore  procedendum  coinmuni  suffragio  pronuntiarunt. 

28.  Igitur  cum  in  publico  Consistorio  dilectus  filius  Joan¬ 
nes  Baptista  Mellinus,  Consistorialis  Aulae  nostrae  advocatus, 
pro  ^  ejus  canonizatione  perorasset,  ac  nomine  charissimi  in 
Christo  filii  nostri,  Philippi,  Hispaniarum  Regis  Catholici, 
ut  ad  earn  procedere  dignaremur,  humiliter  supplicasset,  nos 
de  tanta  re  venerabiles  fratres  nostros  S.  R.  E.  Cardinales, 
et  Episcopos  in  curia  praesentes  consultores  esse  respondi- 
mus ;  atque  interim  Cardinales  atque  Episcopos  praesentes 
vehementer  in  visceribus  Christi  hortati  sumus,  ut  orationi- 
bus  instantes,  in  jejuniis  et  eleemosynis  animas  suas  coram 
Deo  nobiscum  humiliantes,  preces  a  Deo  Patre  luminum  ex- 
poscerent,  ut  ex  alto  super  nos  lucem  suam,  et  veritatem 
suam  emitteret,  quae  nos  ad  voluntatem  et  beneplacitum  ejus 
cognoscendum  et  perficiendum  deduceret.  Itaque  cum  semi- 


APPENDIX. 


417 


publico  Consistorio,  quod  consequenter  celebratum  est,  voca- 
tis  non  modo  Cardinalibus,  sed  patriarchis,  arcliiepiscopis,  et 
episcopis  in  curia  nostra  existentibus,  praesentibus  etiam 
nostris  ac  Sedis  Apostolicae  nostariis,  ac  sacri  palatii  apos- 
tolici  causarum,  auditoribus,  cum  plura  a  nobis  de  eximia 
sanctitate  ancillae  Dei,  ac  miraculorum  frequentia  et  celebri- 
tate,  populorumque  erga  earn  per  universas  Christianas  na- 
tiones  devotione,  commemorata  fuissent,  expositis  etiam  in- 
stantiis,  quae  coram  nobis  non  modo  nomine  maximorum 
regum,  sed  etiam  charissimi  in  Christo  filii  nostri  Ferdinandi, 
Romanorum  Regis  in  imperatorem  electi,  aliorumque  com- 
plurium  Christianorum  principium  fiebant  omnes  concorditer; 
ac  uno  ore  benedicentes  Deum,  amicos  suos  honorificantem, 
Beatam  Tberesiam  canonizandam  esse,  atque  inter  sanctas 
virgines  adscribendam  censuerunt,  quorum  omnium  audito 
consensu,  intimo  cordis  affectu  exultavimus  in  Domfno,  et 
jubilavimus  in  salutari  ejus  gratias  agentes  Deo,  et  Fiiio  ejus 
Domino  nostro  Jesu  Christo,  quod  Ecclesiam  misericorditer 
respexisset,  ac  tanta  gloria  illustrare  decrevisset ;  canoniza- 
tionis  itaque  publicavimus  diem,  eosdemque  fratres  ac  filios 
nostros  monuimus,  ut  in  orationibus  et  eleemosynis  perse- 
verarent,  ut  in  tanto  opere  exequendo  splendor  Domini  Dei 
nostri  esset  super  nos,  qui  opus  manuum  nostrarum  ad  perfi- 
ciendam  ejus  voluntatem  dirigeret.  Demum  peractis  omni¬ 
bus,  quae  ex  saer.  Constitutionibus,  ac  Romanae  Sanctae  Ec- 
clesiae  consuetudine  peragenda  erant,  hodie  in  Sacrosancta 
Principis  Apostolorurn  Basilica,  cum  venerabilibus  fratribus 
nostris  S.  R.  E.  Cardinalibus,  necnon  patriarchis,  archiepis- 
copis,  et  episcopis,  Romanaeque  curiae  praelatis,  officialibus  et 
familiaribus  nostris,  clero  saeculari  et  regulari,  ac  maxima 
populi  frequentia,  convenimus,  ubi  repetitis  pro  canoniza- 
tionis  Decreto  petitionibus  nomine  ejusdem  charissimi  in 
Christo  filii  nostri  Philippi  Regis  Catholici,  a  dilecto  fiiio 
nostro  Ludovico  Tit.  Sanctae  Mariae  Transpontinae  Cardinali 
Ludovisio  nuncupato,  nostro  secundum  carnem  nepote,  per 
Nicolaum  Zambeccarium,  Consistorialis  Aulae  nostrae  advo- 
catum  praedictum ;  decantatis  sacris  precibus,  et  litaniis,  ac 
Spiritus  Sancti  gratia  humiliter  implorata :  ad  honorem 
sanctae  et  individuae  Trinitatis,  et  fidei  Catholicae  exaltatio- 


418 


APPENDIX. 


nem;  auctoritate  omnipotentis  Dei  Patris,  efc  Filii,  et 
Spiritus  Sancti,  BB.  Apostoloruui,  ac  nostra,  de  venerabi- 
liurn  fratruui  nostrorum  Sanctae  Romaum  Ecclesim  Cardina- 
lium,  patriarcharum,  archiepis.,  episcop.  in  Roman  a  curia 
praesentium  consilio,  ac  unanimi  consensu  ;  Theresiani  Vir- 
ginem  de  Abula,  de  cujus  vitae  sanctitate,  fidei  sinceritate, 
et  miraculorum  excellentia  plene  constabat,  et  constat,  ac 
sane  tarn  esse  definiinus,  ac  sanctarum  virginum  catalogo  ad- 
scribendam  decrevimus,  prout  praesentium  tenore  definimus, 
decernimus,  et  adscribiinus,  illamque  universos  Christi  fideles 
tamquam  vere  sanctam  honorare  et  venerari  mandavimus,  et 
mandamus ;  statuentes,  ut  ab  universali  Ecclesia  in  ejus 
honorem  Ecclesae,  et  altaria  in  quibus  sacrificia  Deo  offeran- 
tur,  aedificari  et  consecrari,  et  singulis  omnibus  die  quinta 
Octobris,  quoad  coelestem  gloriaui  translata  est,  ejus  officium, 

ut  de  Sancta  Virgine  ad  praescriptum  Romani  Breviarii  cele- 
brari  possit. 

29.  Eademque  auctoritate  omnibus  Christo  fidelibus  vere 
poenitentibus  et  confessis,  qui  annis  singulis  eodem  festo  die 
ad  sepulchrum,  in  quo  corpus  ejus  requiescit,  visitandum  ac- 
cesserint,  unum  annum  et  unam  quadragenam ;  iis  vero,  qui 
in  ejusdem  festi  octava,  quadraginta  dies  de  injunctis  eis,  seu 
quo  modo  libet  debitis  pcenitentiis  misericorditer  in  Domino 
relaxavimus,  ac  relaxamus. 

30. ^  Postremb,  gratiis  Deo  actis,  quod  Ecclesiam  suam 
insigni  hoc,  novoque  luminari  illustrare  dignatus  esset,  de¬ 
cantata  in  Sanctae  Theresiae  honorem  solemni  sanctarum  vir¬ 
ginum  oratione,  ad  altare  principis  Apostolorum  missam  cele- 
bravimus,  cum  ejusdem  Sanctae  Virginis  commemoratione, 
omnibusque  Christi  fidelibus  tunc  praesentibus  plenariam  om¬ 
nium  peccatorum  suorum  indulgentiam  concessimus. 

31.  Decet  igitur,  ut  pro  tarn  insigni  beneficio  omnes  cum 
omni  humilitate  benedicamus,  et  glorificemus  eum,  quern 
decet  omnis  benedictio,  et  honor,  et  gloria,  et  potestas  in 
saecula  saeculorum,  assiduis  precibus  ab  eo  postulantes,  ut 
per  intercessionem  electee  suae  a  peccatis  nostris  faciem  suam 
avertens,  misereatur  nostri,  et  respiciat  nos,  et  ostendat  no¬ 
bis  lucem  misericordiarum  suarum,  et  immittat  timorem 
suum  super  gentes,  quae  non  cognoverunt  eum,  ut  cognos- 
cant,  quia  non  est  alius  Deus,  nisi  Deus  noster. 


APPENDIX. 


419 


32.  Caeterum,  quia  difficile  foret,  praesentes  nostras  literas 
ad  singula  loca,  ubi  opus  esset,  deferri,  volumus,  ut  earum 
exemplis  etiam  impressis,  manu  publici  notarii  subscripts,  et 
sigillo  alicujus  personae  in  dignitate  ecclesiastica  constitutae 
munitis,  eadem  ubique  tides  habeatur,  quae  ipsis  praesentibus 
adhiberetur,  si  essent  exhibitae,  vel  ostensae. 

33.  Nulli  ergo  omnino  hominum  liceat  hanc  paginam  nos- 
trorum  definitionis,  decreti,  adscriptionis,  mandati,  statuti, 
relaxations,  et  voluntatis  infringere,  vel  ei  ausu  temerario 
contraire.  Si  quis  autem  hoc  attentare  praesumpserit,  in- 
dignationem  omnipotentis  Dei,  ac  beatorum  Petri  et  Pauli 
apostolorum  ejus,  se  noverit  incursurum. 

Datum  Romae,  apud  sanctum  Petrum,  anno  Incarnationis 
Dominicae  millesimo  sexcentesimo  vigesimo  primo,  quarto  Id. 
Martii,  pontificatus  nostri  anno  secundo. 

+  Ego  Gregorius,  Catholicae  Ecclesiae  Episcopus. 


— 


— - 


No.  IV. 

The  following  sublime  Hymn  is  supposed  to  have  been 
composed  by  the  Saint  after  receiving  the  B.  Sacra¬ 
ment.  There  is  an  old  translation  of  it  in  French  by  Pere 
Cyprian,  but  it  will  not  bear  any  comparison  with  the  trans¬ 
lation  of  Monsieur  De  la  Monnoye,  which  I  subjoin,  together 
with  the  original  Spanish.  The  hymn  is  called  in  Spanish 
“  Glosa,”  which  is  a  species  of  Spanish  poetry,  so  named, 
because  it  is  as  it  were  an  explanation  (or  gloss)  of  certain 
verses  called  the  Text,  which  are  placed  at  the  head  of  the 
piece.  The  last  verse  of  the  text  is  repeated  in  every 
stanza. 


V. 


420 


appendix. 


TEXTO. 

Vivo  sin  vivir  en  mi, 

Y  tan  alta  vida  espero, 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

QLOSA. 


I. 

Aquesta  divina  union 
Del  amor  con  que  yo  vivo 
Haze  a  Dios  ser  mi  cautivo, 
Y  libre  mi  caramon  ; 

Mas  causa  en  mi  tal  passion 
Yer  a  Dios  mi  prisonero, 
Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

n. 

Ay !  que  larga  es  esta  vida ! 
Que  duros  estos  destierros, 
Esta  carcel  y  estos  hierros, 
En  que  el  alma  esta  metida! 
Solo  esperar  la  salida 
Me  causa  un  dolor  tan  fiero, 
Que  muero  porque  no  muero* 

III. 

Ay !  que  vida  tan  amarga 
Do  no  se  goza  el  Senor ! 

Y  si  es  dulce  el  amor, 

No  lo  es  la  esperan^a  larga: 
Quite  me  Dios  esta  carga,  ’ 
Mas  pesada  que  de  azero ; 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero* 

IV. 

Solo  con  la  confian^a 
Vivo  de  que  he  de  rnorir, 
Porque  muriendo  el  vivir 
Me  asegura  mi  esperan^a. 
Muerte  do  el  vivir  se  alcanna. 
No  te  tardes,  que  te  espero ; 
Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 


APPENDIX.  421 

TEXTE. 

Je  vis,  mais  c’est  en  Dieu  qui  vient  de  me  nourrir, 

Et  j’attends  dans  le  Ciel  une  si  belle  vie, 

Que,  pour  contenter  mon  envie, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourn:. 

GLOSE. 

I. 

Dieu  s’unissant  &  moi  par  un  heureux  melange. 

Fait  sentir  a  mon  coeur  son  amour  pur  et  vif. 

Je  suis  libre,  il  est  mon  captif, 

C’est  lui  qui  sous  mes  lois  de  lui-meme  se  range. 

Quoi,  mons  Dieu,  mon  captif!  Ah!  le  puis-je  souffrir  ? 

Dans  ce  renversement  etrange, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

II. 

Oh !  qu’il  me  reste  encore  une  longue  carriere ! 

Que  cet  exil  est  dur  qui  m’arrete  en  ces  lieux ! 

Que  le  sejour  est  ennuyeux, 

Qui  retient  dans  les  fers  mon  a  me  prisonniere, 

Attendant  que  la  mort  vienne. me  secourir! 

Mais  ignorant  l’heure  derniere, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir, 

m. 

La  vie  est  a  mon  gout  d’une  amertume  extreme ; 

Est-ce  vivre,  Seigneur,  que  de  vivre  sans  vous  % 

Si  l’amour  que  je  sens  est  doux, 

Le  terme  de  l’attente,  helas  !  n’est  pas  de  meme. 

Ce  faix  rude  et  pesant  m’empeche  de  courir, 

Et  toujours  loin  de  ce  que  j’aime, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir . 

IY. 

Je  fonde  sur  la  morte  toute  mon  esperance. 

L’arret  qui  iimita  le  compte  de  nos  jours, 

Sitot  qu’il  en  tranche  le  cours, 

D’un  meilleur  avenir  nous  donne  Passurance. 

Mort,  dont  le  coup  propice  exempte  de  pcrir, 

Hate-toi  pour  ma  delivrance. 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoix  mourir • 


422 


APP  ENDIX. 


V. 

Mira  que  el  amor  es  fuerte  *, 
Vida,  no  me  seas  molesta, 
Mira,  que  solo  te  resta, 

Para  gozarte,  perderte. 
Venga  ya  la  dulce  muerte, 
Venga  el  morir  muy  ligero  5 
Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 


vr. 

Aquella  vida  de  arriba, 

Es  la  vida  verdadera ; 

Hasta  aqui  esta  vida  muera 
No  se  goza  estando  viva. 
Muerte,  no  me  seas  esquiva  j 
Vivo  muriendo  primero, 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

vn. 

Viva  que  puedo  yo  darle 
A  mi  Dios  que  vive  en  mi, 

Sino  es  perderte  a  ti, 

Para  mejor  a  el  gozarle  ? 

Quiero  muriendo  alcan9arle, 
Pues  a  el  solo  es  el  que  quiero  j 
Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

VIII. 

Estanda  ausente  de  ti, 

Que  vida  puedo  tener 
Sino  muerte  padecer 
La  mayor  que  nunca  vi  I 
Lastima  tengo  de  mi, 

Por  ser  mi  mal  tan  entero, 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

ix. 

El  pez  que  del  agua  sale 
Aun  de  alivio  no  carece  j 
Aquien  la  muerte  padece, 

A1  fin  la  muerte  le  valfe. 


S  .  s 


Appendix. 


423 


v. 

Fol  amour  des  mortels,  trop  dangereuse  vie, 

Un  autre  amour  plus  noble  et  plus  puissant  que  toi, 
Arme  de  courage  et  de  foi, 

Your  inieux  me  faire  vivre,  a  mourir  me  convie  j 
Ta  perte  est  le  salut  ou  je  dois  recourir ; 

Que  ne  m’es-tu  bientot  ravie ! 

Je  me  ineurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

VI. 

La  vie  babite  au  Ciel,  heureux  qui  l’y  peut  suivre ; 
Faisons  pour  la  trouver  un  genereux  effort ; 

Ici  la  vie  est  une  mort, 

Dont  la  mort  cependant  a  la  fin  nous  delivre  j 
Approche,  douce  mort,  qu’on  ne  peut  trop  cberir : 

Dans  l’ardeur  de  mourir  pour  vivre, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

VII. 

m 

Vie  humaine,  tresor  qu’a  tout  autre  on  prefere, 

Si  mon  Dieu  vit  en  moi,  si  je  vis  en  mon  Dieu,. 

Craindrai-je  de  te  dire  adieu  ? 

Et  la  mort  a  ce  prix  me  sera-t-elle  amere  ? 

C’est  un  bien  qu’elle  seule  a  droit  de  m’acquerir ; 

Pourquoi  faut-il  qu’elle  differe  ? 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

VIII. 

Absente  de  mon  Dieu,  je  languis  triste  et  sombre, 
Qu’est-ce  que  je  puis  voir  ou  je  ne  le  vois  pas ! 

Ma  vie  est  un  affreux  trepas  : 

Mon  jour  est  une  nuit  et  ma  lumiere  une  ombre  j 
La  source  de  mes  maux  sans  lui  nc  pent  tarir : 

Lasse  d’en  voir  croitre  le  nou.brc, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

IX. 

Le  poisson,  qui  se  meurf  sorii  du  sein  de  l’onde, 
Trouve  au  moins  dans  sa  mort  la  fin  de  son  tourment, 
Mourir  est  un  contentement 
A  qui  traine  une  vie  en  supplices  feconde. 


APPENDIX. 


424 


Que  muerte  avra  que  se  yguale 
A  mi  vivir  lastimero  ? 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

x. 

Quando  me  empie$o  en  aliviar, 
Viendo  en  el  Sacramento, 

Me  haze  mas  sentimiento 
El  no  poderte  gozar. 

Todo  es  para  mas  penar, 

Por  no  verte  como  quiero ; 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

XI. 

Quando  me  gozo,  Senor, 

Con  esperan^a  de  verte, 

Viendo  que  puedo  perderte, 

Se  me  dobla  mi  dolor ; 

Viviendo  en  tanto  pavor, 

Y  esperando  como  espero  : 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

XII. 

Sacame  de  aquesta  muerte, 

Mi  Dios,  y  dame  la  vida ; 

No  me  tengas  impedida 
En  este  lazo  tan  fuerte, 

Mira  que  muero  por  verte, 

Y  vivir  sin  ti  no  puedo, 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 

XIII. 

Llorare  mi  muerte  ya 

Y  lamentare  mi  vida, 

En  tanto  que  detenida 
Por  mis  pecados  esta. 

0  mi  Dios,  quando  sera, 

Quando  yo  diga  de  v$ra : 

Que  muero  porque  no  muero. 


Trop  sure  qtie  le  temps  ne  sert  qu’a  les  aigrir, 

Vive  ensemble  et  morte  en  ce  monde, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir. 

x. 

En  vain  pour  soulager  les  transports  de  mon  ame, 

Je  vous  cherche,  Seigneur,  sur  vos  saeres  autels ; 

Invisible  aux  yeux  des  mortels, 

Vous  suspendez  ma  joie,  et  redoublez  ma  flamme. 

Ce  n’est  qu’apres  la  mort  qu’on  peut  vous  deeouvrir. 

Viens  done,  6  mort  que  je  reclame ! 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir  ! 

XI. 

Vous  le  savez,  mon  Dieu,  lorsque  je  vous  possede, 

A  peine,  puis-je,  helas  !  un  moment  vous  garder, 

Qu’au  plaisir  de  vous  posseder 
La  crainte  de  vous  perdre  aussitot  ne  succede. 

II  n’est  que  le  trepas  qui  m’en  puisse  guerir. 

Mourons,  e’est  l’unique  remede. 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir  ! 

„  *  t 

XII. 

Mettez  fin,  mon  Sauveur,  a  ma  longue  agonie ; 

Sans  vous  je  ne  puis  vivre,  et  je  meurs  pour  vous  voir ; 

Ne  retardez  plus  mon  espoir, 

Rompez,  brisez  les  fers  d’une  ame  agsez  punie. 

II  est  temps  qu’a  mes  cris  le  Ciel  se  laisse  ouvrir. 

Brulant  de  m’y  voir  reunie, 

Je  me  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir  ! 

xm. 

Mais  non,  je  dois,  Seigneur,  pour  apaiser  votre  ire, 

Le  ma  vivante  mort  prolonger  les  douleurs. 

Je  dois,  les  yeux  baignes  de  pleurs, 

Expier  mes  forfaits  par  un  juste  martyre. 

Ah  !  quand  si  vivement  pourrai-je  m’attendrir, 

Qu’il  soit  enfin  vrai  de  vous  dire  : 

Je  mt  meurs  de  regret  de  ne  pouvoir  mourir  ! 

De  La  Monnoye. 


36* 


426 


APPENDIX. 


No.  V. 

CANTICLE  OF  ST.  TERESA  AFTER  COMMUNION. 
Translated  by  the  Rev.  Father  Caswall. 

VIVO  8IN  VIVIB  BN  MI. 


TEXT. 

I  live,  but  from  myself  am  far  away  5 
And  hope  to  reaoh  a  life  so  high, 

That  I  m  forever  dying  because  I  do  not  die ! 


GLOSS. 


i. 

This  union  of  divinest  love, 

By  which  I  live  a  life  above. 
Setting  my  heart  at  liberty, 

My  God  to  me  enchains ; 

But  then  to  see  His  Majesty 
In  such  a  base  capitivity ! 

It  so  my  spirit  pains, 

That  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 
Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


II. 

Ah !  what  a  length  does  life  appear ! 
How  hard  to  bear  this  exile  here ! 
How  hard  from  weary  day  to  day 
To  pine  without  relief! 

The  yearning  hope  to  break  away 
From  this  my  prison-house  of  clay, 
Inspires  so  sharp  a  grief, 

That  overcome  I  weep  and  sigh, 
Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


APPENDIX. 


427 


III. 

Oh !  what  a  bitter  life  is  this. 
Deprived  of  G-od  its  only  bliss ! 

And  what  though  love  delicious  be. 
Not  so  is  hope  deferr’d. 

Ah  !  then,  dear  Lord !  in  charity, 
This  iron  weight  of  misery 
From  my  poor  soul  ungird ; 

For  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

IV. 

This  only  gives  me  life  and  strength, 
To  know  that  die  I  must  at  length  ; 
For  hope  insures  me  bliss  divine, 
Through  death,  and  death  alone. 

0  Death  !  for  thee,  for  thee  I  pine ! 
Sweet  Death  !  of  life  the  origin ! 

Ah,  wing  thee  hither  soon  ; 

For  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


v. 

And  thou,  fond  Life,  oh  !  vex  me  not, 
By  still  prolonging  here  my  lot ; 

But  know  that  love  is  urging  me ; 

Know  that  the  only  way 
To  gain  thee,  is — by  losing  thee ! 
Come  then,  0  Death!  come  speedily. 
And  end  thy  long  delay ; 

For  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


VI. 

The  life  above,  the  life  on  high. 
Alone  is  life  in  verity ; 

Nor  can  we  life  at  all  enjoy, 
Till  this  poor  life  is  o’er; 


428 


APPENDIX. 


Then,  0  sweet  Death !  no  longer  fly 
From  me,  who,  ere  my  time  to  die, 
Am  dying  evermore ; 

For  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 
Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

VII. 

To  Him  who  deigns  in  me  to  live. 
What  better  gift  have  I  to  give, 

O  my  poor  earthly  life !  than  thee  ? 

Too  glad  of  thy  decay  ; 

So  but  I  may  the  sooner  see 
That  face  of  sweetest  Majesty, 

For  which  I  pine  away ; 

While  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh. 
Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

VIII. 

Absent  from  Thee,  my  Saviour  dear ! 
I  call  not  life  this  living  here ; 

But  a  long  dying  agony, 

The  sharpest  I  have  known ; 

And  I  myself,  myself  to  see 
In  such  a  rack  of  misery, 

For  very  pity  moan ; 

And  ever,  ever  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


IX. 

The  fish  that  from  the  brook  is  ta’en 
Soon  finds  an  end  of  all  its  pain 
And  agonies  the  worst  to  bear  * 

Are  soonest  spent  and  o’er ; 

But  what  acutest  death  can  e’er 
With  this  my  painful  life  compare 
In  torture  evermore  ? 

While  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

* 


APPENDIX. 


429 


X. 

When  m  the  Sacred  Host  I  see, 

My  God  !  thy  hidden  Majesty, 

And  peace  is  soothing  my  sad  hearts" 
Then  comes  redoubled  pain, 

To  think,  that  here  from  Thee  apart^ 

I  cannot  see  Thee  as  Thou  art, 

But  gaze  and  gaze  in  vain ; 

While  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 
Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 


When  with  the  hope  I  comfort  me, 

At  least  iu  Heav’n  of  seeing  Thee, 

The  thought  that  I  may  lose  Thee  yet, 
With  anguish  thrills  me  through ; 
And  by  a  thousand  fears  beset, 

My  very  hope  inspires  regret, 

And  multiplies  my  woe  ; 

While  evermore  I  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

XII. 

Ah,  Lord  !  my  light  and  living  breath ) 
Take  me,  oh  take  me  from  this  death ! 
And  burst  the  bars  that  sever  me 
From  my  true  life  above ; 

Think  how  I  die  thy  face  to  see, 

And  cannot  live  away  from  Thee, 

0  my  eternal  Love  ! 

And  ever,  ever  weep  and  sigh, 

Dying  because  I  do  not  die. 

XIII. 

I  weary  of  this  endless  strife ; 

I  weary  of  this  dying  life  ; — 

This  living  death — this  heavy  chain  j — 
This  torment  of  delay, 


430 


APPENDIX. 


In  which  her  sins  my  soul  detain  ; 

Ah  !  when  shall  it  be  miue  ?  Ah  !  when, 
With  my  last  breath  to  say, 

“No  more  I  weep — no  more  I  sigh  j 
-  I’m  dying  of  desire  to  die  ?” 


No.  VF. 

To  the  Reverend  Father  Pedro  Ibanez. 

Jesus  and  Mary. 

The  Holy  Ghost  be  always  with  your  Reverence !  Amen. 

It  would  not  be  amiss  to  exaggerate  to  your  Reverence 
this  service  of  mine,  in  order  to  oblige  you  the  more  to  take 
particular  care  to  recommend  me  to  God.  And  this  I  could 
do  well,  seeing  it  has  cost  me  so  dear  to  see  myself  in  writ- 
ing,  and  thus  to  have  brought  to  my  remembrance  so  many 
of  my  miseries,  though  I  can  say  with  truth  that  I  have 
experienced  more  reluctance  in  mentioning  the  favors  our 
Ijord  has  shown^  me,  than  the  offences  I  have  committed 
against  His  divine  majesty.  I  have  done  what  your  Reve¬ 
rence  has  commanded  me — to  enter  into  more  particulars  • 
but  upon  this  condition,  that  your  Reverence  also  will  per¬ 
form  what  you  promised  me — to  tear  up  whatever  you  do  not 
approve  of.  I  had  not  finished  the  perusal  of  it,  after  1  had 
written  it,  when  your  Reverence  sent  for  it-’  hence  it  is  very 
likely  that  some  things  are  not  mentioned  as  they  should  be, 
and  other  things  I  may  have  repeated  twice ;  for  the  time  I 
had  was  so  short,  that  I  could  not  review  what  I  had  writ¬ 
ten.  I  beseech  your  Reverence  to  correct  it,  and  to  com¬ 
mand  it  to  be  transcribed — if  it  must  be  sent  to  Father 
Avila,  otherwise  some  one  may  know  the  hand. 

I  aui  very  desirous  such  arrangements  may  be  made — that 
he  may  see  what  I  have  written,  since  I  began  to  write  the 
account  of  my  life  with  this  intention.  If  he  shall  judge 
that  I  am  going  on  in  a  good  way,  there  will  be  no  more  to 


APPENDIX. 


431 


l&e  done  on  my  p^rt.  Your  Reverence  must  act  in  every¬ 
thing  as  you  think  proper :  consider  that  you  are  bound  to 
one,  who  trusts  her  soul  in  your  hands  in  so  confidential  a 
manner.  Your  soul  I  will  recommend  to  our  Lord  all  the 
days  of  my  life,  and  therefore  make  haste  to  serve  Grod,  that 
you  may  be  able  to  obtain  a  favor  for  me  from  Him.  Your 
Reverence  will  easily  see  (by  what  is  now  sent  to  you)  how 
well  you  are  employed  in  giving  yourself  wholly  to  Him  (as 
your  Reverence  has  already  begun  to  do  so)  who  gives  Him¬ 
self  to  us  without  any  reserve  at  all.  May  He  be  blessed 
forever !  for  I  hope,  in  His  mercy,  that  both  your  Reverence 
and  myself  may  see  ourselves  one  day  in  that  place — where 
we  shall  understand  more  clearly  the  great  mercies  He  has 
been  pleased  to  show  us  both,  and  where  we  shall  praise 
Him  for  all  eternity.  Amen. 

Your  Reverence’s  unworthy  Servant, 

TERESA  DE  JESU. 

N.  B. — The  saint  began  to  write  her  life  at  Avila,  in  1561 ; 
she  completed  it  at  Toledo  the  following  year.  By  the  com¬ 
mand  of  her  confessor  she  soon  after  divided  it  into  chap¬ 
ters,  and  added  “  The  History  of  the  Foundation  of  St. 
Joseph’s  Convent  at  Avila.” — (See  the  "  Bollandists,”  Oct. 
15,  p.  447,  &c.) 


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FINIS. 


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